Happy February, CN! It’s nearly Valentine’s Day, or as some have been known to call it “Single Awareness Day.” If you’re feeling a bit adrift with all the mylar heart balloons and syrupy sentiment out there…. consider snark!
Yes, it’s time once again for our Infidelity Valentine’s Day Contest where we remember the less fortunate — the poor sods that wound up with our exes — and immortalize them in verse.
So send me a poem! Just like previous year’s contests, I’m looking for either a haiku or a limerick that encapsulates your cheater experience.
Please no lugubrious long-form verse — keep it bitter, funny, and short. (Yes, I said bitter. As in acerbic. As in take-this-Valentine-and-shove-it.)
The winners get inscribed copies of my book (I’ll ship anywhere). I will announce the winner on Valentine’s Day.
To recap from 8th grade English, a haiku is a poem with 5-7-5 syllables.
I love you but I’m…
Christ, you are such a cliche
…not in love with you.
A limerick is a 5 line poem with a rhyme scheme of AABBA.
There once was a mistress named Kay
Who was a better liar than a lay
She had HPV
And now it’s with me
My husband’s clap conveys
Check the archives for past chump cleverness. We have some real snarky gems.
You have until Sunday, February 12 to send submissions.
Way to start the week, stabbing Cupid… Bring it, CN!