This nugget of Stupid Shit Cheaters Say was recently submitted to me:
“Let’s be honest. You’ve had another man in your life for the past 5 years”.
This is referring to our 5-year-old son!
“I thought you were ok with it. Whenever I went out, the next day you just asked if I had fun.“
This is referring to his many many nights away with friends, which it transpires, were also a cover for him screwing his ex-girlfriend. It’s called trust idiot; not permission.
Wow MommyGuilt, I don’t know what is more pernicious, blaming a kindergartener for his mother’s abuse, OR blaming you for green-lighting his abuse.
It makes me wonder if someone this toxic might just implode from narcissism, and collapse in on themselves like a dying star. How does he carry the weight of all that bullshit around in his head?
MommyGuilt, you’ve put other Gods before him. It’s unacceptable! (Although I’m wondering, if he’s gone so many nights out with his “friends”, who did he expect was taking care of his son? Were you supposed to kennel him?)
This “you put the children first” mindfuckery is part of the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. To wit, Voldemort-impersonator Andrew Marshall gave us:
This is one that acknowledges your unhelpful behaviour (eg taking him for granted), accepts your responsibility (you’ve been so wrapped up in the children you’ve forgotten to be a wife as well as a mother), expresses sorrow and a determination to change, and is sincere.
Yes chumps. You’ve been adulting. Taking care of the most vulnerable, packing lunches, wiping snotty noses, making midnight runs for posterboard for that last-minute science project. That was time you could’ve spent pick-me dancing. Perfecting your lingerie game, making his favorite snack foods, crushing your needs into tiny imperceptible particles, aerating them and misting the geraniums instead.
I don’t know… my point is, mothers, it’s YOUR fault his dick wanders.
(Men, gay women, there must be an equivalent blameshift for you. Fill me in at the comments.)
As to I Thought You Were Okay With It — file this one under “Surely, You Must’ve Known.”
Yeah, you know how you find out if someone is okay with it? ASK THEM.
Obviously, this is a ploy to avoid responsibility. To me, however, interesting tell is “you just asked if I had fun.” The unvarnished entitlement, clearly his Happiness is the Most Important Thing. Assured that what he did brought him joy, discussion is over.
Did the little people suffer? Who cares.
MommyGuilt, you sound like you have your head screwed on straight — trust is not permission. I hope this guy is your ex-husband in short order.
If the divorce summons comes as a shock, just tell him you thought he was okay with it.