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When This Crisis Is Over, I’m Gonna…

As I like to say around here a lot — “the pain is finite.” The problem with most pain is, however, that you don’t know its duration when you’re smack in the middle of it. It feels endless. Will normal ever be normal again?

Yes, I’m awkwardly segueing to the coronavirus. How is everyone holding up?

I’m thinking of all our CN members, single parents home with kids, all the medical professionals out there on the front lines, all the regular working stiffs showing up for their jobs in food service, construction, farming… — THANK YOU. I knew you were mighty, but damn.

All the cancelled plans. All the people trapped with their fuckwit, not quite over the finish line.

Today, I just wanted to do a check in and hear how everyone is coping. What are you missing? Got big plans for when this thing lifts? Got a recipe you’d like to share? (We’re making a lot of soup at chez CL.) Got any TP you want to share? (The TP struggle is real! WHERE IS IT?!)

Actually, speaking of sharing, I had to interview some medical professionals the other day and their plea was if anyone has any medical N95 masks — please donate them to your local hospital.

Sorry, even your snarky, sweary CN page isn’t free from COVID-19 coverage. Will go back to regular programming next week.

What’s that picture, Tracy?

It’s my illustration for WASH YOUR HANDS and take this epidemic shit seriously. That’s my great-grandmother Wilhelmina. She died in the 1918 Spanish flu epidemic when my grandfather was 6 months old. That man she’s standing next to was widowed with three children at 27. He married Wilhelmina’s sister, Theresa, who was also widowed in the epidemic and had a child. And he cared for another widowed sister’s family too. The whole thing was so traumatic, they just merged the families and never spoke of it. My grandfather was an adult before he learned that his mother was his aunt.

I’m named after Theresa, the survivor. The aunt. My mother’s favorite “grandma.” I’ve been thinking about those sisters a lot lately.

Hold your loved ones close.

Tell me how we’re going to celebrate when this thing is over.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • When this is over: Go see a baseball game (will doubleheaders return?!?), fried rockfish sandwiches (fresh caught from the Chesapeake), museums (history, art—anything!), more baseball, have two couples over for dinner and a loooong conversation, soft serve ice cream outdoors in a crowd with a bunch of kids, flying to see family 1000+ miles away. And also more baseball.

    • To be honest, when this is over, I want to hold onto this simpler lifestyle somehow. With single parenting two teens, school, work, a home to manage, extra activities, etc etc. I am surprisingly happy for everyone to slow the F down!! I keep saying that God is telling us all that.
      Will we all just go back to the rat race lifestyle, or will we truly change with the lessons we have learned after this?
      I definitely will go to the pool or beach.

      • I’ve been saying the exact same thing. I also hope working from home becomes even more acceptable. It really saves money and the planet.

      • I agree with you. I hope we can learn to slow down. I had planned to work to 62 but couldn’t take my 3-4 hour daily commute any more. When my boss refused my request to occasionally work from home (even though it was company policy) I handed my notice in and retired early. No regrets on that score, even though I lost a lot of money. And guess what, they’re all working from home now and the world didn’t stop turning!

        • As chronicaly ill, I feel like I’m normal or close at least, for the first time since my teens. Quiet life suits me. And yeah, I’m happy that I moved out just before this shit hit the fan. It’s good to be living with just my daughter. And our cats.

          • Yes, there is a familiarity to this life, for those of us living with chronic illness. Wishing you ease!

            • Ditto. The world has slowed down to my pace for a little while. Though my 2 teens are finding it difficult.

    • OK I gotta post this before it gets to late. It’s a recipe for Dutch slaw. IttAmish and super easy to make. Stores a Long Time. I hope y’all will try it.

      Large head of cabbage
      1c (3stalks) diced celery
      A diced Green pepper
      A diced onion
      1/2c vinegar
      2c SUGAR!!!❤️❤️
      2 tsp 🧂
      1/2tsp mustard seed
      1tsp celery seed
      Hack up L’Cabbage
      Combine ‘erthang inna gallon glass jar (Yes Carole #uneedlid)
      Cap, Shake Violently like you have your cheating Fuck wit by the neck, slaw is served!!
      This is A-mish and Killer tasty, …Und healthy
      Keeps months in the fridge.

  • I’m coping pretty well. I’m fortunate in that my kids are in high school (so capable of doing their online classes on their own), I have a job that I can do from home (not as efficient, but I’ll take it), and have a small home gym. I’m trying to get outside some every day, just to remember that the sun still rises and the sky is still blue. My cat has taken to hiding (he’s gotten too much attention lately). Stay safe everyone.

  • I am so grateful that most of my kids are home – from school and college. It reminds me of the days when they were little before the rat race of getting up and out the door and all the sports and activities. And when they do have to be with their jerk head Dad I feel like I had good quality time to spend with them so I’m not so resentful at the idiocy of shared parenting with someone who chose to cheat and leave six kids. Life seems slower and more precious is what I’m saying. It feels like it did in my childhood. I feel calmer with more focus on healing. I want the virus to go away but I don’t want the love and camaraderie and family time and neighbor helping neighbor to go away.

  • My heart goes out to you guys in USA. without decent healthcare or a welfare safety net we Australians fear for what you are about to experience. Stay safe & stay at home people.
    I’m lucky I can work from home although productivity is down the toilet atm largely due to Fuckwit sending a ridiculous 15 page property settlement through which has forced me to invest in a decent albeit expensive lawyer rather than rely on myself & my law student son to do all the work. Luckily Fuckwit is 5 hours away in Hicksville. With his TWU Wuv.

    • After a videoconference with an Urgent Care Physician who sent me to be tested. I’m waiting on the results of Covid19 testing. I was shocked to be selected for testing. I didn’t ask for it. I should have known I’d been exposed but I was just intent on getting antibiotics for this ear/sinus infection/bronchitis. I’d traveled to go to Court, seen my Doctor on a Military Base and been in a community with active Covid19.

      I’m isolated, quarantined in this little house by myself. I’m able to order any supplies that I might need. I’ll be ok. My sons text and call me daily. My elderly frail mother calls me. My sister is providing care for her now.

      I have time to dream now. I’m planning my life after Covid19. As soon as this divorce is finalized I’m going to become a snowbird. I’m going to rent a dry cabin/shack in the interior of Alaska during the Summers. I’ll volunteer, garden, paint, hike, kayak, pan for gold and garnets in the summertime. In the winter I’ll attend all the concerts, art shows, lectures and athletic events at the college in my little town. I’ll go to the gym and knitting club and join book club at the library. I’ll volunteer here too. That is my current dream.

      In the aftermath of Covid19 I’ll be making a garden. A larger garden than I’d planned originally. I’m going to share produce with the food pantry. I’m getting chickens again. Nothing like having fresh eggs from contented hens. These homely dreams will have to suffice until I’m divorced.

      The Universe is teaching me a lesson. I can be alone. I am alone in my little house and yet connected to my community. My sons call me daily. I speak to my mother every day. I can come here to Chump Nation. I am physically isolated and emotionally connected. I’ll be ok. You be ok too, please.

      • Thirty three years: you’ll get through it. I’m sorry you’re sick. I think god has hit the reset button and we need to pay attention.

      • Thirty three years: you’ll get through it. I’m sorry you’re sick. I think god has hit the reset button and we need to pay attention. Hugs

      • I think God keeps the rest button pushed down all the time. Covid-19 has just caused us to look up and see the flashing red light!

      • 33years, I hope your health remains well. Nothing like a farm fantasy! I also have those—- I was raised on a small 25 acre farm. Love laying chickens.

      • ((((Thirtythree))))) Get well soon – thank you for sharing your dream. It sounds so lovely. Take good care.

      • Worried about you 33YAC. I look for your posts each day and have grown quite fond of you!
        Take good care of yourself.

        When Sex Addiction Turns Deadly – Kate

      • Maybe you do, bostonirisher, but millions of Americans live in areas without adequate hospitals and are one hospital admission away from financial ruin. You’re lucky to live in a big city like Boston with its many hospitals and you probably have health insurance from your employer. Again, millions of Americans aren’t so lucky. They are under-insured, un-insured, and live miles away from any hospital.

      • Imho, decent healthcare and safety nets in the US tend to only really be there for those who are financially well off, have good paying jobs with good insurance, & who don’t live in rural areas. For the most part that is. Of course, there are always exceptions. There are more who are one illness or one paycheck away from going under.

    • Hey, Chump Down Under, I am also a Chump Down Under. But I dream of 5 hours away. He is having to isolate with me because he has no steady income. I think I may be doing 25 to life at the end. Every time I look at him I think of 30 wasted years of my life!!! Meanwhile I have a full time job that I am carrying out from home and can barely think straight. I’m in Brisbane.

      • Brissy, he only needs to isolate with you IF he was already still living with you. Otherwise, wherever will do just fine.

        I hope you can get that idiot out of your life as soon as all this is over!

  • I survived COVID-19, but all I really want is to see my children again. FB is OK… but I miss the hugs. And I worry every day they might not make it through like I did. If I lose any of them, I don’t know how I would go on. They’re my everything. I just want to see my kids. Screw everything else.

  • When this is over: I’m going to keep on celebrating the relief it is to deal with this pandemic by my asthmatic self rather than through his emotionally-exhausting dismissiveness.

    • ChumpetyChumpChump, did I ever feel every word of your post. Any illness I had was an irritation and inconvenience to x. Be well and spite him!!! I’m so glad to not be quarantined with that horrible man.

      • Oh wow! It is a couple of days later so I don’t know if anyone will see this. But how inconvenienced my husband was at any illness! And he used any illness to punish me as well. When your health is not only criticized, but when genuine things like broken bones are called made up, and when you are told that your health issues are so awful that it proves you deserve to be treated badly about everything—all kinds of trouble to work through.

        Me recovering from a hysterectomy. Husband says, “It would be so much easier to divorce you than to deal with all of your health problems!” Followed by 30-60 min laundry list of my horribleness. And then as I was reeling and fighting back tears (not allowed to cry—that would mean more punishment), he sat back and said, “you have to remember: my mother was chronically ill.” So he was a victim of me, and I deserved it. Because his mother who had been dead for 10 yrs by then was sick 40 yrs before. So I was hurting him, and I deserved it.

        Me talking with my husband about discovering lots of stuff that made me go get tested for HIV.
        Me: “So I found this stuff. tell me about it.”
        Husband: he had known since he was a young teen experiencing his first sexual awakenings. He was never ever ever going to tell me. And then, “not to be tit for tat, but I resent how the last 12 years of our lives have been taken over by all your health problems.”

        So yeah. I deserved all that mean treatment for 28 years. Including Moore and more physical distancing and being told I was the problem. He was never going to tell me, he said, because he thought it would hurt my feelings. He wanted men, he said, because he felt alienated from me. He never got what he wanted! He said.

        My big big health problem I realize was that my body was generally defective—I did not have a penis

        • Grumpy,
          Wow! I’m so sorry you went through that. I can relate some, as my ex is also gay and I didn’t find out until 44 years of marriage. But he was also very hard on me and unsupportive when I was sick or injured. Yet he never verbalized it like yours did; mine was less overt.
          And my ex, as far as I know, is still in the closet. I don’t know how he made it without getting HIV but he probably had many STDs over the years. He also blamed me for the failure of our marriage and told everyone what a wonderful husband he was for putting up with my physical ailments. Now that we’ve been divorced for 5 years I realize that many of the illnesses I suffered were caused by living with him – a covert narcissist who was never satisfied with anything.

  • Sorry but this is when single kind of sucks. Alone. FaceTiming my daughter helps. I am recovering from pneumonia. One good thing is that 2 men I’ve been dating casually have gone by the wayside. One because he ghosted me the second I told him I was sick, the second kept emailing ( who doesn’t have text in this day and age??) all about me me me , I, I, I. Zero empathy for me, so buh-bye. Had to send that email twice since he didn’t “get it” the first time( maybe he wasn’t even reading my emails). Anyway I’m hanging in. Looking forward to warmer weather and money from the emergency fund to replace my income( I lost 2 sources of income overnight). I’ll go out on my deck and listen to the birds and watch the squirrels that tease my cat all winter. I’m
    Looking forward to hugging people again ( I love hugging), and may even hug strangers when this is done.

    • That seems to be a theme with adult single men! Me, me, me, I, me —- bla. I also decided no more when a guy I am (was now) dating texted last week asking what I was doing and I mentioned my Dad wasn’t doing very well and I was out of town– he replies with come over and have a beer and watch Netflix ?!

      Read much? Have ANY sort of interest in others??

      He texted back the next day and asked how my Dad was—– whatever—-

      • Sadly you see ppls true colors in this virus. Unfortunately I have been isolating myself for 4 months because I was a recent empty-nester, long distance boyfriend and remodeling a house to sell. Long distance boyfriend decided to put in zero effort towards our relationship and we broke up last week. I’m thankful for how strong I have become during everything. With life chaos you get used to it but now with calmness it felt off for me. I had a couple of months to adjust to the new normal. First time being alone in my life! My only worry is my loved ones and friends getting sick. I find comfort with CN that we always have each other’s backs. Stay safe all xo SweetChumpgirl

  • The yeast I ordered for myself and friends (King Arthur flour direct – I bypass Amazon as much as possible because of how they abuse their warehouse workers) before the shit hit the fan was delivered. Each of my friends got their shrink-wrapped brick in separate plastic bags hung on their front doors. They left cash in plastic baggies for me. Reminded me of my sketchy youth!

    I am going to try my hand at English muffins cooked in my cast iron skillet this weekend. I also found bottles of boch beer with which to make bread. Counted myself lucky.

    So much chicken stock, chicken salad and chicken soup has been made at Chez No Shit this week! Also fresh tomato sauce, bok choy (I need more sesame oil) and with my potatoes, rutebagas and onions I am thinking about making pierogies. Apple walnut chutney has been made and bottled ( original recipe didn’t include cinnamon and allspice – do it. It makes a HUGE difference) waiting for ribs. ribs

    The pets are thrilled to have me firmly under their paws. We play Door Wish a lot.

    FUU is rightly terrified of being exposed and getting us sick, as well as himself. We both have suffered lung damage so we are toast if infected. They are scrambling to supply face shields to everyone.

    One thing that many of us can do to help is call your local hospital or Red Cross and schedule an appointment to donate blood. They have strict protocols in place to minimize risk of contracting or spreading the virus. CALL FIRST!

    If anyone has welder’s face shields, gloves (nitrile are much appreciated) or an N-95 respirator to spare, please do so. The new paint job on the car can wait. I lost my MPTP mask years ago and they are fitted, but they could be used too.

    The virus is about 0.1 microns in diameter. N95’s prevent 95% of particles 0.3 microns and larger from passing through – SO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM PEOPLE IF YOU MUST GO OUT!

    Viruses are the smallest airborne microbes, ranging in size from .01 to 0.3 microns (10 to 300 nanometers). The influenza virus is normally 80 to 120 nanometres or 0.08 micron. The covid-19 (around 125 nanometers) is a bit larger than the flu virus, but still less than 1/2 the size of the openings in an N95 mask.

    I worry and read, cook, occasionally clean a bit. Washing clothes and hanging them on the clothesline today. My big FU to the local electric utility.

    Please stay safe. No chores that includes the words “ladder” or “roof” is worth doing yourself. Hire someone instead. No motorcycles either!

  • I’m one of the lucky ones: I have a job I can do at home; I’m still receiving a regular paycheck; I have a close circle of friends I regularly talk to and text with; I have wonderful pets I can indulge, including dogs I walk more often. To stop feeling helpless I donate money to animal charities and sanctuaries as they’ve been very hard hit with having to let volunteers go and cancel visitor days (their primary source of revenue). I’m in touch with family more too (they’re almost all in different countries). The cherry on top? My ex-fuckwit called out of the blue two days ago full of questions about my experience with the virus–and it took me barely two minutes to realize he was asking because he thought he had contracted it, not because he had any genuine concern for me! So, when CL says “trust that they still suck,” I know first-hand how true that is. These parasitic creatures were and still are: self-centered, callous, manipulative, shoddy, and stunted. That I’m not stuck at home with such an ungenerous and emotionally draining individual is something I’m daily, at times hourly, grateful for!

    I hope all of you come through this weird and sometimes trying time with much that is good and loving in your lives. Once life returns to normal (or its new normal), I’m going to hug my friends, hug some trees, and then take my dogs to the beach for the day.

  • I’m trying to work from home with three young kids. Mostly, it’s very hard to concentrate and I get overwhelmed easily, wanting to be a good mom during this but also wanting to stay employed. When this is done, I hope to take some time off to spend with my kids, so I can focus on them without my laptop in the way. They need that, and so do I!

    • LiningUp, focus on being a ‘good enough’ mom and ‘good enough’ employee! That will be plenty, during these trying times. Everyone will catch up again, afterwards.

      Will the kids nap/lie down WITH YOU? If you get a nap in the afternoon, maybe you can get a bit of work done after they’re asleep?

      Cut yourself LOTS of slack, this is a nutso situation we’re in!

  • Jedi hugs to all.
    Both kids are at home now, and as an educator my job is secure— nothing like getting creative.
    I worry about Eldest. I forced them home from college two weeks ago (they did not see the seriousness of it all, in their college dorm cocoon). They were home five days, and the fever began. Still here seven days later. Youngest and I, and my Sweet Guy, still seem healthy. We were practicing good hygiene when Eldest came home, just in case, and once the fever began they were isolated to their room.
    Even before this began Youngest was suffering from severe anxiety and low self esteem… all the band performances, including the mentorship program he worked so hard to earn, have been cancelled. This is. Not helping his esteem.

    But I hike outside almost every day, and have been working in the garden. Yesterday I made soda bread. Once my classes get set for online, I hope to work on a couple of book projects— one fiction, one non fiction. Ironically the fiction book had a small side story with the 1918 epidemic. People understand the emotional side plot now…
    I have been avoiding housework and major house projects, but I should work on those.no excuse not too.
    On the upside, ex lives out of the country, so no visits from him happening any time soon. eldest has tentatively made contact with ex. I am still a bit worried, but will make the push that he pays for college next year, since I had to pay for it all this year (he refused since Eldest was no contact).

    Future— I agree with nomar, baseball. Also, Sweet Guy and I both have big birthdays this year, so we had hoped for a trip to NZ or Iceland. Guess that will probably have to wait a year or two.
    I like to call myself an extroverted introvert. I do not like crowds, and I find small talk difficult, but I miss seeing friends and colleagues. Looking forward to being with more than one other person at a time. And of course, I really want to see my sisters and their families. We live in the four corners of the US, with another overseas. Usually we meet in the summer time, that will be on hold this year.

    Hugs to all. I know this is a stressful time, especially for those already feeling isolated given the Chump issues. It will get better. All of CN is here for you.

  • Never miss the chance to hug my adult kids, my grandkids – and tell them I love them in person.

    Go to a Tigers baseball game on a sunny warm day with friends – drink beer and eat sausage and peppers.

    I will say that three years post divorce I could not imagine spending the time trapped with my ex – I a totally by myself and I am enough.

    • I’m in Warsaw Poland teaching, (online as of Wednesday). My kids are back in the states and not in one place, but they have shelter and 2/3 have jobs. My income dropped but I’m making enough to weather this.

      I admit I backslid today. This viral thing, in a foreign land with my dog…

      This am I woke up and I missed THE DOCTOR for his medical insights (& because it’d be nice to have some company).

      In my (hopium) nostalgia, I imagined him easing my fears & comforting me and giving sage advice to our children…maybe even enjoying some one on one time, which I never really got in my marriage.

      But the REALITY might be that the increased demands on HIM, (AND without making as much money !!) would only irritate him – while inflating his ever needy ego.

      And would he really comfort me – or would he show irritation that I was “just staying home” or silently fume about it? He could never not spread HIS mood around. If HE was angry, we all got to know that.

      So, would he offer loving advice to the kids or would he castigate them for not living life styles he approved of?

      I was sad and hurt for a minute when I realized that during this whole ordeal, he has not reached out to any of us/them. A 35 year marriage and not a word. Even now.

      Poof. Nostagia cured.

      When this is over, I will TRAVEL and have dinner with friends.

      Hard to know which surprised me more, his total discard or the global pandemic. But I’m planning to survive both and in time, I’ll be fine.

      • Wow, 1st wife, isolation in another country must be agonizing for you, but at least you’ve got the cosmic message that he just doesn’t care. Kind of ironic, isn’t it, that we’re drawn to these high-achieving professionals, and then when they have us secured, the dating phase ends (and thus the caring, sharing phase). I find it very useful to look at the occasional interactions with my ExH from the perspective of distance (in time and place), and I recognize that it was always about him, him him.

        I’m busily preparing for the snow to be gone from my little mountain enclave, and I am currently assembling the adirondack chairs that Amazon just sent. After that, I’ve got seeds to start in my south-facing window, and then I’m going to dig out the screen house and dream of sitting outside in the warm sunshine near my hummingbird feeder (and laughing at the black flies trying desperately to get inside and feed off me).

        Good luck, everyone, and I hope you all both stay safe and also in places that are actually taking this quarantine seriously.

        • eiree, you mentioned black flies and I wondered if you live in Maine too? I live in the MidCoast region.

      • Doctors….My STBX was diagnosed as positive 3 days ago…We do not live together…He lives with the OW…a unit clerk in a hospital who knowingly went to work while he was quarantined and who also visited her son and 90 year old father at the same time. He hasnt talked to his 2 adult daughters in one year and silly me….no, stupid me,,,,,thought he may be reflecting on his situation, mortality, etc….They have not heard one word from him, nor will they. Your ex and my stbx are disconnected and dishonorable with no moral compass. Expect nothing from empty vessels. Stay safe!

  • When this is over I’ll get my kids back. My ex is illegally withholding them from me, using the pandemic as an excuse to keep them while the courts are closed. He’s citing our daughter’s asthma as the reason. He thinks that our county’s stay at home order means the kids can’t travel between their two homes, and that’s not what it means. I have a court order that custody exchanges should continue. He said the court order isn’t specific to our situation. I have a letter from her pediatrician who saw her just a week ago, that there’s no extra risk for her. He said I faked the letter.

    If this continues beyond two weeks, I don’t know how long it will be before I see my kids again. I am heartbroken and devastated. He’s of course blaming me for it all as he always does. Let’s see, his last text said he’s sure I love the kids but I created a circus because I would rather my kids be exposed to a deadly virus than agree with him. Oh, and I put him in a no win situation because he’s going to be facing contempt of court charges. Sure, that makes sense. All the while he’s telling my kids I don’t care enough about them to agree with him on what’s right.

    He’s a monster. I’m seriously considering calling the police to report parental kidnapping. I just worry about my kids being exposed and the traumatic effect on him. And he knows this so he uses them against me again and again.

      • I talked to my lawyer and she advised me not to get the police involved just yet. Plus it would likely expose my daughter to more people and actually be riskier for her.

    • Why don’t you show the police or the sheriff’s office, depending where you live, your documentation.
      If they can’t help, you haven’t lost anything. But maybe they could help!

      • My lawyer advised me not to get the police involved right now. She is very experienced with dealing with abusive men so I’m going to follow her advice.

    • I really think your ex could get in a lot of trouble for this- you should see a lawyer- maybe even talk to one via FaceTime or whatever ASAP. This might end up being a huge mistake on his part.
      I just read that in the state I live in, keeping the kids is still considered parental kidnapping even with the coronavirus fears.
      On a more personal note- my heart goes out to you. It must really hurt to miss out on that time. I hope that you get exponentially more time in the future with your kids as a result of this power play by your ex. This kind of unilateral power move is the kind of thing family court judges hate

      • I agree with everyone else. My situation was reverse. My asshat was put on self quarantine by his doctor which means he was exposed to someone who was tested positive.

        I proactively called the sheriff where I lived and he stated that my ex hat could “legally” have her despite COVID quarantine.

        Get the cops and your order and get your babies.

        Big hugs

        • We agreed that if someone had symptoms and tested positive the kids would be moved to the other house during the quarantine time period. He is just claiming that because of her asthma it’s too risky to move her between the two house la even thought everyone is telling me that it’s safe.

      • I have a lawyer and she is well aware of the situation. We’re filing for contempt of court when lever the courts open again. He did agree to give me back all of the time I’m losing, but kids should be with both parents in a crisis. I’m considering parental kidnapping but I need to run it by my lawyer first. She has over 100 clients in a similar situation and she’s been really busy with all of this going on. Most of her clients had abusive partners.

  • I’m on day 11 of total lockdown here in France. Never thought I’d get so excited about taking the garbage out!! But I’m fine on my own too as long as I know my kids are ok. After this, who knows! I’ve always had travel fever so I think I might downsize and travel even more. I don’t need stuff and life is about living!

    • Bonjour Attie

      My brother is also in France. He can’t go further than 1km. He misses his 4 kids scattered around the Cote d’azur.
      I’ve been doing some serious thinking too about my life, getting glimpses of clarity after a rather emotionally abusive 2 year relationship. This time out of the rat race is like a big old meditation retreat. Travel, freedom, downsizing, experiences, these have always been so important to me. My dream of becoming more online with my work has been put into early forced action! Opportunity knocks.

  • I think its going to be a long time, before everything is normal again.
    Boris Johnson has the virus.
    I can’t see the kids going back to school till September or even Christmas.
    Shops are mayhem. In England 100 people died yesterday.
    What is the health care actually like in America.

    • Susan, I just don’t get all the shopping panic in the UK (I’m a Brit but living in France for 30+ years). I went out grocery shopping yesterday and everything was perfectly fine. The shelves maybe a little emptier than usual but still fine and I could get everything I wanted. The young cashier told me that initially on the first days they had gendarmes there making sure people didn’t hoard/panic buy but when they saw it wasn’t necessary they never came back. I just don’t get it because if they leave the shops to stock up as usual there will be enough for everyone.

  • My friend, the divorce attorney, said they are getting filings in record numbers right now. Many of those filings are being promoted by D-Days because lying cheater spouses can’t use all their usual tricks to ensure they see (but not get caught seeing) their APs and doing so endangers their households, plus chumps (a) can’t use avoidance of dealing with lying cheaters as a coping mechanism and (b) chumps feel actively threatened by cheaters’ flagrant willingness to kill them and their children for a cheap screw. So, the whole thing blows up in record time under these conditions, says he.

    I think this says something besides what appears obvious on the surface. I think it is illustrative of how not living in a home that is a safe sanctuary can kill us – perhaps not as fast or dramatically as COVID might, but every bit as completely.

    Living with a person who doesn’t respect your wishes and isn’t a good steward of your environment and/or resources – and/or any children in the home, who are obviously far more important than both of those things — is actively dangerous to the whole household. These times are just raising the stakes enough to make us all see that more clearly.

    You don’t need proof, or a good enough event, or any specific benchmark to justify ending a relationship with a person who doesn’t respect you. The only thing you need is a clear understanding that the person doesn’t have enough respect for you to honor your wishes (at least enough to talk through things respectfully) and care for your well being (like by avoiding exposing you to known pathogens). A person who can’t even do that much is a person who isn’t going to be solid if the chips are really down, who will take care of Numero uno even if you die because of it, fast or slow.

    When we’re trapped in a house with someone that horrible, we begin to see things we can’t un-see, says me. Then the pain of living alone starts looking like a better problem than the pain of slow and inevitable poison.

    Take care out there. 💚

    • I have been journaling every day and wrote almost these same words last week. My relationship with LadyLiar officially ended four years ago on April 1 (yes, yes, April Fool’s Day) and my life looks radically different than it did then. I have been isolated for weeks except for quick, carefully planned and executed, absolutely essential trips to grocery/pharmacy because I am the caregiver for an elderly, immunocompromised relative. I have been relatively ok most days, but there are times late at night when I lay in bed alone and let the sadness of all that is lost wash over me. I don’t miss her or wish she was still in my life, and this last month has reminded me how awful living with a narcissistic, gas-lighting cheater was. She would not help me when I was sick; in fact, she was even less available than usual if I was in need. She would be absolute hell to live with under these conditions because she wouldn’t be able to maintain her routine of abusing substances and connecting with the OW, and she’d be directing that anger at me. One of the worst parts of being in the eye of the storm when your relationship is falling apart but you’re desperately holding on to the idea that you can fix it is that you go over and over the ways in which you’ll be even worse off if you leave them. But those who are now trapped with a cheater are praying for relief and likely to realize that while being without them will suck (mostly for financial reasons), being with them is intolerable.

      • I am so glad for you that you were able to close that chapter before this awful crisis. And I love your words here. So true.

  • I am holding up well. Unfortunately, I have a retail job and have to work. I am lucky the store is still open.
    We were given the choice of taking 2 weeks off with pay. But my boss is not a nice human being. I can see some of the people that did this having a problem. Is it legal? No. But that won’t matter. They are however paying $2 more per hr for “hazard” pay. lol I work, come home , that’s it. I refuse to visit my son’s house because he has young children. I don’t want to risk it. But I speak to him and his family daily. My x got the younger two kids in the divorce, so they wouldn’t be speaking to me anyways. When this clears up. I am finally going to take some sort of vacation. Literally all I do is work. Stay safe everyone !!

  • I had just fired my attorney when this hit. When this is over, I’m going to hire a better one and get this divorce DONE.

    Then I’m going to buy a house of my own.

    In the short term, I’m going to plant a garden.

  • I’m doing okay. I can work from home, as my employer is a Very Large Midwestern University, so for a lot of us, we can continue to do our jobs–but remotely. It’s been a learning curve, and work from home is still work. My dogs are thrilled, but I get to deal with the additional distraction of one dog who thinks that thunderstorms are the arrival of the apocalypse, so she pokes me to get me out of my study and someplace safe (she’s not figured out where that could be).

    My state issued a Stay At Home order earlier in the week, though bars and restaurants had closed about 10 days prior. The university told students to stay home and not return to campus after Spring Break, and then extended break another week. Classes will be offered remotely until the end of term and summer classes will be online-only. New student orientation will also be handled remotely, and while that’s a fairly large effort (we anticipate about 8000 students going through orientation), we have been looking at just how to do this since the COVID-19 news broke.

    I’m concerned about my neighbors. Most do not follow news closely and have zero idea of what an exponential growth curve looks like, though we went from 1 confirmed case as of March 6 to 645 on March 26, which was 168 more than the previous day. Part of the issue is that only very serious cases in people with known risk factors are getting tested. The state refuses to release information on how many ICU rooms are available state-wide. So what does this have to do with my neighbors? Well, most are still getting together with their various family members who live in the surrounding community. They think that because they feel healthy and because so far not so many people are ill (failing to realize that the numbers reported reflect only the most severe cases), there’s not a lot to worry about.

    Of course, I’m concerned about aging family members as well as those who live in states where the governors have failed to take the virus seriously.

    I’m looking forward to getting my hair cut as soon as I am more confident that neither I nor my hairdresser will become ill as a result. I have short hair and my hair was due to be cut the day the stay at home order went into effect. I’m willing to become rather shaggy in the service of public health.

    • Hair dilemma! I lived in a remote community with XAss and basically had no hair style at all, just gave the mop a straight trim at most. I now live in a small town that actually has a couple of hair dressers. I treated myself to a cut for the first time in 20 years when I first got here. I HATED the cut. Don’t know what happened, but there was definitely a communication issue there. It took me another 1 1/2 years for my co-worker to persuade me to try another hair dresser in town last August. I LOVED the cut she gave me and was looking forward to going back in Dec. But she was in final stages of pregnancy, left town to have the baby, and then was on maternity leave. She was just coming back to the salon when the pandemic hit, so no new cut. 🙁

      I’m starting to look at the clippers……

    • Hiya, kb –
      I also teach at a Rather Large Midwestern Public University and luckily, was already teaching 100% online before classes were suspended. It felt good to be ahead of the curve in having my materials online, but I’m trying to reach out to other faculty who are just doing this for the first time. (Unfortunately, my course was already designed to be asynchronous, so I’m not the person to ask about how to use Zoom or other synchronous tech!) Though I feel for faculty who are just getting their courses online for the first time, it’s a little annoying that many of them don’t realize that we, the adjunct army, already have been asked to move mountains on very short notice and with very little compensation in the past. It will be interesting to see if tenure-line faculty are any more sympathetic with our situation after all this is over! (If history is any guide, I would guess…not.)

      Anyway, all best to you in teaching through this emergency. It’s interesting that there are so many academics, or intellectually inclined folks, in CN. Some skepticism certainly helps to cut through the RIC bullcrap, that’s for sure! I know of at least one other chump faculty member at my own Rather Large Midwestern Public University – also an adjunct instructor. Maybe later this weekend, after my DD8 goes to STBX’s, I will start a thread on the Reddit group about teaching through Covid-19. <3 <3

      • LezChump,
        You bring up an interesting observation (about who is on this site). Based on my social science research, I surmise that another reason a lot of people on here are academics and not on RIC sites is academics and people with more education tend to receive higher incomes and higher incomes allow people more (financial) options when it comes to divorce, which more affluent people might choose if a spouse is behaving very badly. I have read that divorce is more common when the economy is doing well than when it is not. In short, some people feel too poor to divorce. (I did, but I didn’t get to choose whether or not to divorce–my ‘wayward’ husband chose for both of us.) I have also heard that very poor people are more likely to never marry partners (including those with whom they created children) or divorce. Not sure what the findings are for middle-income people. The issue of who stays married and who does not/who never marries is a complex one with multiple factors.

        • Hi, Rock Star. Thanks for considering my observation about academically-inclined folks in CN! I wish I could say that academics make salaries commensurate with their extended educational experience, but actually, I often find myself saying that becoming an academic (at least in the U.S.) is like taking a modern vow of poverty. In my (now split) household, I’m an adjunct instructor, making only about as much as an experienced WalMart associate, and my STBX makes twice what I do. Eventually, if she is promoted to an administrative position or becomes a full professor, she *might* make 100k a year, tops, and, because some admin positions are temporary, her salary might decrease again later. We were tight on funds for many years after grad school and only recently became more comfortable, in large part because my (toxic) ex-parents-in-law started giving us what I would consider to be a huge sum of money annually to supplement our income. Now that we’re divorcing, we’re back to being tight on money again, though I’m very glad to have found a comfortable apartment in my price range that will work for now.

          You’re quite right to say that people with fewer resources stay with their partners longer than they might otherwise, and I’m sorry to say that I’ve been in that position as well. (In fact, I remember having a conversation with STBX about this very issue, maybe 5 years ago.) Unfortunately, that’s true for a lot of academics, especially those of us who are “trailing” spouses in adjunct (non-tenure-track) jobs, who are relatively dependent on the somewhat greater income of our tenured spouses. A few months ago, I became optimistic that I’d be able to divorce and live fairly well, by my minimalistic standards. I’m no longer so optimistic, in part because the karma bus has already hit STBX in a way: even though she was the only candidate to become the director of an academic unit on campus, she STILL got turned down by the administration – and I can understand their decision, now that I see STBX more clearly! But sadly, as it is for many of us divorcing chumps, my STBX’s misfortune in this case will also affect how much spousal maintenance I can expect to receive from her – so I can’t really enjoy the schadenfreude. As a result, some of my post-divorce dreams of a few months ago are not going to pan out – for now, anyway. But, as always, I can put on my adult pants and deal with it.

          Best wishes to you!

      • I was an English instructor/Data Manager at a college, and I have done adjunct teaching. I never liked online teaching (or learning), so I am glad I got out. I went into the public sector to work as a functional analyst, and have been making way better money. Well, until the mega company that is food-service based lost most of their work. Having to take a temp pay cut, but I still have a job for now. I had a knack for programming, data analysis, and databases that I mostly taught myself, although I have liberal arts degrees, so those skills made me useful to business, plus I can communicate, teach, and deal with others well. Win. Win.

      • I dunno about your discipline, LezChump, but cheating is rampant and completely normalized in the humanities. X met AP on the conference circuit…totally cliche.

  • A blessing and a curse this virus is! I am surprisingly happy how my ex has been during our exchanges. Normally we don’t have to ever see each other in person. I’m grateful for that. But with this we do. My main complaint though is how selfish he is. He is still continuing to bring our little one into stores going against every single recommendation out there. Every time we try and talk about it he tells me I am overreacting with the rest of the world! It drives me nuts. I hate that I am unable to keep our little one safe. He only cares about himself and until it affects him personally he’ll continue to do what he pleases.

    On the bright side he has to continue to work and I get to have her during the week days! 🙂
    Let’s all take this time to slow down, enjoy those days and nights where we don’t have to go anywhere or do anything. After today I am out of work and I am going to try and not worry about Money and enjoy some down time! Also so darn happy I don’t have to do it with the ex!!!!

    • I have decided that who does and does not social distancing is a measure of narcissism. Those who keep their distance in the grocery store and on walks outside, and stay home otherwise, are showing community feeling. Sure I do these things because I want to be safe, but I do them also because I want others to be safe. Those who won’t comply are engaging in “you’re not the boss of me” and “I know better than anyone else” and, especially, “It’s all about what I want.”

      • My former MIL insists on going out and hanging around all her fellow parishioners on a daily basis (on TV and online are not good enough for her)–she believes that the threat of COVID is just liberal hype. I am afraid that she, as she lives with my ex-husband who is staying with her 100% of the time as the entertainment business has shut down, will infect my kids, who now stay with her and my ex-husband a few days/week. Afraid my kids will then give it to my parents, who my kids stay with the rest of the week, while I try to work. Of seven people in two overlapping households, oddly, I am the only person bringing in any money at all (an amount that does not sustain even one person). Everyone else is a child, a retiree, or a not-working ex-husband. Ex-husband is thinking about getting a job working in retail (grocery). I have mixed feelings about him doing so. It would be nice to have more money (somebody’s got to feed and house the kids), even if it were a minimum wage-based amount, but I don’t know if the extra little bit of money is worth the biological risk.

  • My salary was halved, but at least I have a job for now.

    Besides that, I’m JUMPING for JOY that I’m not locked in with my husband. He got the last of his stuff a few weeks before this started.

    Realizing how happy and relieved I am to not have to deal with his constant moods and drama is my first big step to Meh.

  • I have a custody agreement meeting while on lockdown. One child is sick with? I have to present my side over the phone whilst children are here. Court is still in session by teleconference. I need ideas for my revised custody agreement. Suggestions from CN? I only have a small portion of the allotted 30 minutes to speak.

    • Ask for more than you want because they will try to whittle you down. That is too bad you have to do it while they are around! Good luck.

  • I am now unemployed, but I walk the dogs. A lot. (The dogs think this is great!) I sew caps and masks for hospitals that request them. I’ve reorganized a back bedroom because I might need a roommate when this is over to help with expenses. I try to talk on the phone with someone every day — texts and emails aren’t enough, I find. I try to keep my spirits up. Some friends in the area are objecting strenuously to social distancing (we have a stay at home mandate where I live). Because I am suspecting a streak of narcissism in those individuals, I am reevaluating those friendships.

  • We are building a 6X8 ft playhouse in the back yard. I am also buying blue, purple, and pink hair dye that washes out in 30 washes as kind of a “count down” to when school starts again. We have watched a lot of movies, and when I work from home it’s at the kitchen table with all five kids doing remote school work at the table with me. We walk to the school to get breakfast and lunch, and we call the grandparents and uncle every day. We have plenty of groceries, so the next grocery trip will be for hair dye and ice cream. As for toilet paper, it’s rationed at our house. If we run out, I told the kids they can wash off in the shower (we’re all home, anyway) or they can use leaves from the loquat. 🙂

  • I’m doing ok
    I’ve lost my job I’ve been made redundant but thankfully the UK government is looking after us

    I’m not sure if I’m allowed to do this but there is a free app called house party you can live video talk to up to 8 friends at a time for free it been really great during this lock down .

    But I’m fit , I’m healthy I’m warm and I’ve got food and I have Chump Lady and Chump nation I really do have a lot to be grateful for

    Please stay safe CN love to you all ❤️ Karen

  • *Inhales* Whelp…

    So, I’m an EMT. I have seen two COVID patients, and transported one. I have seen the inside of a hospital COVID unit. The floor was sectioned off from the rest of the hospital, and the unit itself was sealed off from the rest of the floor. Only one way in or out. My crew went to the floor below it, took an elevator to the floor above it, crossed a hallway to the east side staff elevators, and then down to the unit floor, where the doors opened up to a space between the outer seal and a negative pressure chamber leading into the unit itself. In that space we had to put on all PPE (personal protective equipment) and pass through the negative pressure chamber. Inside the ward, everyone was wearing full PPE. We were able to remove our gowns and gloves after exiting a patient room (gloves them replaced with a new pair) but we were not allowed to remove our masks or eye protection. Even when outside a patient room. Everyone, EVERYONE, on that unit wears masks for literally hours. After the call, we bleached every. Single. Surface. inside the ambulance, and vented it for two hours.

    I see regular people walking around wearing surgical masks, N95’s…and it frustrates me. Makes me angry. I will lose my voice explaining this to people before anyone listens.

    Surgial masks worn outside all day will do you NOTHING. I repeat. NOTHING. They are NOT. MEANT. FOR. DAY WEAR. They will not protect you from getting sick. We put them on patients who ARE sick. The patient coughs, their droplets go into that mask instead of on us. But they do not filter air particles of an airborne virus (an airborne virus is one that can linger in air particles. COVID can linger in the air for three hours.) Surgical masks do not create a facial seal, air passes through them. They do not protect against air particles. Wearing them in public will not do a damn thing.

    N95’s filter particles. Which is why healthcare staff wear them. The surgical mask on the patient is for droplets, N95’s are for filtering.

    I see people, everywhere, wearing surgical masks or N95’s just to do regular stuff (I saw a woman at Target buying wine wearing an N95 and I wanted to scream at her.) She didn’t need it to buy wine…if she was wearing it because she felt sick, why the hell is she out in public buying wine? Plus this virus lives on surfaces, so if she touched something it was on, that mask wouldn’t save her.

    Please…people…I’m on my knees begging…don’t buy masks for every day wear. We need them. My employers are rationing masks to the teams because we haven’t been able to replenish our supply and all our suppliers are on back order.

    ***mask rant over***

    So last night I was awake until 4:30 am because I know those COVID patients aren’t going to be the last I see. Healthcare workers are starting do die. Before my team initiated transport of our confirmed patient, we discussed who would be the one to sit in the back of the rig with the patient. I volunteered because one of my crew members lives with his parents, and the other has a two year old. I live by myself, if I were to contract it, there is no one in my immediate living space I could infect (one of them stayed in the back with me and the patient anyway.)

    But I realized, I do live alone. I am in an area with a lockdown/shelter in place order. I’m exempt because I’m a first responder, but I get no in-person human contact outside of work. Parks are closed, all events I was planning to go to are cancelled, I can’t go to any restaurants, I have no social outlets outside of text/phone or social media. The last loved one I saw face-to-face was my partner. We don’t live together (we met only a year ago and he is still studying nursing full time.) If I get this virus, I will not be able to see him for a long time. If I die from this, he will have been the last loved one I will ever see.

    I’ve been kicking my in-home workout regimen up quite a bit (I’m gonna go insane if I don’t keep myself moving around while I’m at home) because I can’t go to the gym anymore. But my job is getting pretty stressful, and I feel like I’ve lost a lot of my coping outlets.

    So when this is over I’m going to (scream?) go to all the places I miss. The lake, the parks, the aquarium, my favorite coffee house, my favorite brewery…just everything.

    • I so feel for you.

      The XAss is a health aide. His prior college education is in biology. You would think he knows this stuff. Nope.

      He took the kid across the country through 4 different airports, twice, so he could go on his bucket list spring break hunting trip at a private game ranch. He waved off my concerns, told me that it was going to be all right, and no, he wasn’t changing any plans.

      He was carrying disinfectants and swore they were wiping down and not touching surfaces, etc.

      He made them both wear N95 masks the whole way (the kid had one mask that he kept the entire journey. I tried to tell the kid that the mask wasn’t necessary but by that time he was so paranoid that it was a psychological crutch for him to be able to travel (the last leg of which back to me he was by himself).

      Nor did the XAss have a thermometer with him.

      The kid and I are on day 4 of our 14 day quarantine. Two days ago I get a series of text messages from the XAss all concerned about our potential exposure to Covid. He starts to tell me stupid things to do that do NOT WORK on viruses – drink a lot of hot tea, something acidic like lemons, to wash the virus out of your throat so your stomach acid will kill it, says he got this from “a friend mines Dad who is a Dr. on a WA state research group”. Uh huh.

      I replied that other than the suggestion to up levels of Vitamin C, the rest of his advice was BS. I sent him links to information that prove it. I haven’t heard from him since. I hope he’s quarantined himself from the tiny village he lives in, where most of the people are in poor health, aged, and vulnerable. But who knows? Idiot.

      I am so thankful that I am not living with the Ass and the kid is with me during this time. He is supposed to return to his father’s custody in July. Who knows what our world will look like in 3 months?

      In the meantime, the kid and I are doing o.k. We are both pretty much introverts, and our apartment is comfortable and we have everything we need, so we are rocking the quarantine thing. Just will be very glad when this next 10 days go past and I can breathe a sigh of relief that we’re both o.k.

      And while the human world is in upheaval, I am taking heart in the small silver linings. The amazing reduction of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, the waterways running clear, and the quiet! And this special time of closeness with my son.

      Thank you for your selflessness. Hugs.

    • ((((Kara))))) Thanks for your very informative passionate post. And thanks for the work you are doing!!!!! Stay safe.

      • To be honest I don’t really feel like a hero.

        I mostly feel angry. I feel angry for pretty much anyone who’s ever cared about the needs of anyone other than themselves. This pandemic is showing some of the worst of human selfishness (empty store shelves, hoarders, bulk-buyers reselling essential items at gauged prices, etc.)

        To anyone who’s ever had to sit and listen to the insufferable noise of aggressive individualism. Narcissists talking about how they deserve their own happiness just because they want it, new-agey word-saladers (Esther Perel) going on about how the most important thing in the world is you and your happiness and what you want and you’re not responsible for how anyone reacts to how you treat them, “Me, me, me, I, I, I”, you should only ever rely on yourself, don’t think about others and what they think, it’s all about what you think of yourself, blah blah…

        Suddenly that’s giving way to “We’re all in this together! It’s not just about you, it’s about everyone! We’re a community! Help each other! Check in with others! Care about other’s feelings!”

        Everyone Who’s Ever Had a Moment of Empathy: …really. Is it now? Is it important to care about others? Suddenly the feelings of others matter? Suddenly the lives of others matter?

        I hope everyone in CN realizes and understands this:

        We were right.

        WE WERE RIGHT.

        We were RIGHT to have empathy, we were right to think of others, we were right to communicate, to care, and to have the capacity to take responsibility for how we treat those around us and to think of the feelings and emotions and lives of those in our families and communities. And we were right to reject the idea that the only person who matters is “ME!” It’s taken a pandemic for society to wake up and realize that no man is an island and if we don’t start caring about how our actions can impact the lives of others, things are going to get a whole lot tougher.

        Personally I don’t want things to go back to normal after this. I want things to change in the direction of a more empathetic society.

        Sorry for the rant, I do appreciate the comments. I’m sure a lot of us are feeling the frustration of not being able to be around their loved ones and not knowing when it will end.

  • I think that is exactly what I am going to do Karenb6702. I have had a lot of anxiety lately, in anticipation of what is going to happen at the hospital, where I work. Things are still quiet, but I expect that to change in the coming days. I just want it to be over. A few pints sound really good right now…and maybe a nice restaurant meal.

    • God I’d love to just share a pint at a brewpub. Thanks to my lovely beer geek partner, I have about 4 kinds of beer in my fridge (he left me some after his visit last weekend before the shelter in place order took effect) but y’know…it’s just not the same as sitting at the counter, asking what’s on tap, and getting it in a fresh glass. 🙁

      • I have been joining in my sons Aikido classes! They are streamed on Zoom – maybe there is a gym, yoga etc class that you could do at home to help w stress release. Thank you for going to work so we can stay at home 😷

    • Hi, Artemis, thinking of you! Thanks so much to you and Kara for working on the front lines. I will send my best healing thoughts to all of you. I hope you stay safe and well.

        • Artemis & Kara

          Stay safe and thank you for all you do
          We will sit in the sun and have an ice cold pint together 🍺

        • Artemis – Sounds great to me! A brewpub will be in order for the next meetup, I think. If you ever want to come out to the exurbs for a socially-distanced walk or bike ride by the river, let me know.

  • When this is over I want to be a better me, I actually want to do the right things that my mind and everyone is advising me , I want to live and enjoy the blessings of life, I don’t want to take one more antidepressant or sedative.

    I want to be healthy, fully present and support and enjoy the people that has helped me through the last year and do volunteer work.

    As far as the virus goes I have close family members that’s is working in the health sector , may God be with them and everyone else fighting this thing.

    • I’ll definitely try to take the slowed down lifestyle as a new normal as well. Do love how quiet my city streets are and how clean the air feels when enjoying it from my new rental flat’s balcony.. I’d add in some walks and outdoors sports activities, enjoying the nature mre and having maybe less but more meaningful social contact. Spending more outdoors time with my toddler also, although when he’ll finally be back to kindergarten-preschool (I guess not before autumn) I will have also some hours to concentrate on studying for state employee exams. To do these well and be assigned a stable job would be an important step to be able to not have to count on my stbx financially anymore and then I could finally do the gray rock thing or the no contact thing more seriously.
      Feeling hopeful because we just got to move to my new place with son today and so I don’t have to be sharing spaces with stbx and his nightly absences to who knows where during this quarantine (that is actually illegal, I think, or at least highly careless, but when did that ever stopped a cheater from going after some fun for himself..).

  • I am fortunate to be able to work from home and not lose my paycheck. I talk and text with my (grown) kids frequently. I have a craft room full of projects that I’m working on and a garden that I love. For all of this I am extremely grateful!

    I live with my 84 year old mother and I worry for her more than for myself. We are staying home and only going out when we really need to. I am glad that she is here with me rather than by herself somewhere or in a elder care community. I most look forward to going out to eat in our favorite restaurants. I hope they will all still be around when this is over.

  • Greetings fellow shit surfers 🏄‍♀️
    Covid ☢️⬅️ In chumpese means “Cheaters offer validation in death” 💀 . Avoid them at all costs.
    My heart 💜 goes out to all my tribe locked up with vampires 🧛‍♀️. There’ll probably be an increase in cheater morbidity from spousal stress.

    Wouldn’t it be grand if COVID only targeted them and their APs with the end result being: 1) total loss of labido, 2) sexual dysfunction equal to their mentality and 3) permanent skin pigmentation rendering them Purple. All over. That’d make Fuckwit identification much easier. 😂💜

    Marcus is fairing well. I baked ( in my propane grill) my own hamburger buns, braided loaf and flatbread yestiday. Breadworld dot com has great recipes and I’m a mad scientist when it comes to cooking now. Big change from my X-picky eater.

    Max & Stella my Beagle siblings keep me occupied and happy. And Loved up. 🤘 Bad side is I removed a seed tick yesterday from Stella. Use tea tree oil mixed with olive oil as a repellent folks. So tick season is upon me. More Beagle maintenance required but they love the care given. Rotten fur babies.

    I’m a prepper So I’ve been prepared for this for some time. Fill up your propane tanks and gas/diesel cans. Store water + 5 drops bleach per gallon. Stock dry goods in mouse proof Rubbermaid tubs. Bullion cubes are awesome and last like rice 🍚. Re-root and plant 🌱 your celery, carrots 🥕 And onions rather than throwing them away. It’s easy to do. Google it.

    The economy is going to take a big hit after this but we’re a country full of Badasses. We’ll adapt improvise and overcome while getting back together as closer community tribal groups… opposite the paradigm of thinning our family base. Think The Walton’s. Good night Johnboy! Goodnight Earl…

    Now what am I missing/planning? I miss playing my open circle jams with my very talented musician friends although I did get one in pre-apocalypse. I’m going to build my 82 year old mom a ramp so she doesn’t have to navigate the 3 steps into her garage to her car. She had her right hip replacement surgery end of February. She’s doing well and I call almost daily.
    I’m also planning to do the HT Cannabis cup in Clio with my step son. My daughter was supposed to graduate this May in Denver finally completing her studies as a Dietitian. My adopted daughter completes her degree in Radiology as well. These Universities need to get off their asses And mail their diplomas to them. The ceremony’s can come later because they want, need and deserve their sheepskins so they can get started.

    I’ll definitely be stocking up on TP and wipes after the hoarding phase is over. It’s probably shipped over from China like everything else thus the shortage. If we don’t bring manufacturing back home we’re likely to see a similar event in the future. Imagine the shape we’d be in if 90% of our food was imported like our medicine is.

    OK. I’ve blathered on enough. Today is sunny and warm and imma gonna get some sun on my skin. Vitamin D.

    Love y’all bunches and look after each other. It’s All we’ve really got anyway.

    ML OUT

    • I love your prepper tips, ML. I’ve been prepping a little, not going all out, even before TSHTF this time – because I fully expect that our economy will fizzle out and not come back, due to pandemics like this one and to other impacts of global climate change, sometime soon. I don’t have a crystal ball but would be shocked if industrial civ lasts more than another decade or possibly two.

      So I don’t plan on prepping big-time, because I don’t really see the point. I’m not sure I’d want to live in a world with so few comforts and so many guns. It wouldn’t even be like going back to the Stone Age, because at least back then, people passed down knowledge of landscapes and skills over generations, but we don’t have any of that deep knowledge anymore. Surviving the apocalypse doesn’t sound like much of a life to me, but I’d like my kids to have their own choices/options.

      But I agree that it will be good for all of us to start thinking more about what we might do if the grid goes down, and certainly, it would be good for all households to lay aside enough provisions to get by for several months without any open grocery stores. I wonder, though, if shelf-stable nutrition will go way up in price even after we go back to Business As Usual (for now).

      All best to you – stay safe!

      • Hey LC
        I’m a veteran and was a Boy Scout very early on. So Survival education has been a part of me for awhile. I got into it when I read Howard Kuntsler’s “The Long Emergency”
        I’d never heard the term Peak Oil but researched Marion Hubbert Kings work and projections. That set me in motion because of the inevitable nature of sucking petroleum from the Earth and it’s lifespan to support decades of it. As population expands demand follows however there is a fixed point where we hit a maximum extraction rate that can never be exceeded nor increased. Then it declines. Quickly and forever. Until it’s too expensive to extract.

        Then the real fun starts. But whatever’s ahead is going to happen. I don’t Control that. I’ll do my best until I breathe my last.

        Prepping is a slow process and takes a long time. The trick is to do a little at a time. All the time.

        I want to live as long as my HP will let me. Life is Good even when it’s bad.
        Every hair on my head is numbered and I’m not afraid to die because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that This is not the end. I know where I’m going just not when.

  • After being unemployed for over 5 months I got a job two weeks ago and we will be working from home on Monday. My dad lives with me so it alleviates me worrying about his mental health.
    I will be questing for toilet paper today and that worry has literally woken me up at 3 in the morning. I do have plans in place to be very European and use alternatives that will go into a garbage near the toilet and we have a bidet. Why do I need toilet paper? I have an ileostomy bag and my dad gets incontinent, so we both need to wipe at times.
    I have a few friends that live alone and we have put a group chat together and will be using video calls to have virtual gatherings. I’m the most positive about the whole situation and I have been sharing funny videos, music that I love, and self care advice from experts on my Facebook page.
    After this I want to have a picnic with my friends. Had one before we went into stage 2 lockdown and we all loved it. I also want to play board games and cards with people again, go to movies, and travel.

  • I’m not despondent yet but have many reasons to be. Mediation last month failed. This was the second time and there is still a court date in
    June. Delays are very possible now due to the virus. I have become alienated from my grown daughter, so no contact with her for now. The trauma from this break with her is probably worse than the discovery of the PFs activities of 20 years. I have good support from a small group of friends and 4 of us are still gathering to play games. I still believe my walls will sing again and that Meh will come . I am reaching out to a therapist for another round of EMDR. Some friends have encouraged me to stop reading from this site. They don’t understand that this is where we find hope and encouragement. Stay safe and well and keep posting.

  • I totally agree that this is God teaching us what is important. To slow down, take care of our family and self. Also it has been positive for me as I have returned to prayer and reflection.

    I have been a caretaker to my elderly parents for 10 years. Much more frail now With time, and without the help of my sister as she had been traveling and has self quarantined. Although tiring, it has given me the opportunity to spend more quality time with my folks in what is probably their last couple of years. It has also given me the time to help them organize their affairs better.

    The sad part of that is my 3 siblings have never asked me how I am coping in stepping up to take care of our elderly parents virtually alone.

    It’s been amazing to have my kids calling frequently to check in and FaceTiming with my grandkids. My elderly neighbors have been grateful, and have told me so, that I am available to pick up their meds/food or whatever they may need.

    I am also grateful that it is not the dead of winter here, as spring is my favorite season and my gardens are my therapy.

    My main source of anxiety is the possibility that my oldest son who is an MD/PhD may be called to the ICU if their hospital becomes inundated and other physicians become ill.

    My close girlfriend circle and I will be having a Zoom wine party this weekend which, knowing these gals for 20plus years, should be a blast even though we won’t be physically together.

  • Must be a Trump supporter and delusional ……or a troll . Nothing else to say to this bullshit comment .

  • Wow, an international global conspiracy? For what purposes? To hurt people of every nation and cripple worldwide commerce?
    God is still on His throne, according to the Book of Revelation. I believe that we ARE being sent a message, but not one manufactured by politicians and the media.

  • Huh – I hear what you’re saying, C19 Ain’t, and I appreciate your perspective from working on the front lines in NY. I hope you stay well!

    But there’s plenty of well-vetted and responsible news coverage to suggest that several hospitals in NYC are, in fact, getting overwhelmed by patients with complications of Covid-19. See the NYTimes coverage of Dr. Colleen Smith at Elmhurst Hospital in Queens (which is, in fact, using a refrigerated truck as a makeshift morgue), or of Dr. Sylvie de Souza at Brooklyn Hospital, which has started to do triage in tents outside.

    Even if our nationwide response to this virus is pretty extraordinary, it seems warranted, at least for certain vulnerable populations (and, as a cancer survivor, I’m concerned about my own chances if I should get it – but I also try to avoid other influenza as well!). And you’re quite right that it’s changing the way people are dealing with other health issues. Sadly, one of my friends believes that her father might have received more treatment for his Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma if this crisis weren’t influencing physician recommendations. So now, her father is in hospice, and it will be a minor miracle if the local hospice workers are able to stay with him throughout his dying, when they have been exposed to the virus at local nursing homes, and no longer have volunteers to help out.

    All best to you, and thanks again for your work in healthcare.

  • The hardest part of all is dealing with the rage I feel at our government’s failure to act timely to limit the spread and their failure to have control over PPE and ventilator distribution. I hope to live long enough to vote in November.

    As a retired ER RN I am so grateful not to be in that mess anymore, but am enraged over the danger today’s healthcare workers are in. Today I read that some hospital administrators have been telling staff not to wear masks because it scares some patients. WTF??

    Meanwhile, I live with my older sister, who is handicapped, and pray that I don’t catch it first. I’m also extremely grateful that my younger daughter and grandson got out of Brooklyn in time and is staying with a friend in Kentucky.

    Good luck to all of you!!!!!

  • I was supposed to be visiting my ARMY dtr in Germany, her first deployment, I will get on the first flight to see her when this is over!!!! Stay safe and healthy all

  • Once lockdown is over – visits and hugs with elderly relatives, in person catch-ups & walks with friends, resuming weekly fresh fruit & vege shopping. Wishing all the best to CL & CN! Thanks no thanks to being chumped we have experience at coping with crisis. May that resilience strengthen and aid us over this time.

  • “The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger–but recognize the opportunity.” John F. Kennedy

    “In the midst of every crisis, lies great opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

    My greatest hope is that when we emerge from the worst of this crisis, we find the courage to dismantle the systems that caused such suffering and replace them with ones that are humane and effective. – Curly Chump

  • Not sure what hospital you practice at, but I am retired from the same RN positions, keeping contact with some on the frontlines and they have shared the exact opposite.

  • Last week I panicked when our governor ordered my age group (over 65) to stay home – and I moved in with my boyfriend. That was Tuesday, and on Saturday I moved out. In those 4 days I learned so much more about him than I did when we were dating and he was on his best behavior; it wasn’t long before the real him emerged. Thanks to CL and CN I recognized a pattern of abusive behavior and I got out. This was someone I was considering retiring from my much loved job for. I am grateful to have this information now before things had gone any further. Thanks also for the recommendation of Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That?

    • Wow, RainWoman – I’m glad you were able to get out of that situation so quickly! Way to be mighty, and it sounds like you’ve fixed your picker! Wishing you well, please be safe.

    • I found Lundy Bancroft’s book extremely helpful. I highly recommend it! Always told my therapist they had a playbook. I had a lot of journaling in mine.

    • Hat’s off to you RainWoman!
      That is so impressive, 4 days. Well done, and thank you for inspiring me that we can learn to walk away from the red flags eventually. I’m 49 and I think I’ve reached rock bottom with my tolerance of abusive dominating irresponsible ‘all in the name of love and happiness’ b-shit.

      I am so so grateful that I got a good 10 weeks clear of the last poopy covered in glitter relationship before isolation. This time has been a gift to me.
      Praise you CN!!!

    • Mine also moved in for the quarantine and I quickly realized he’s totally a narcissist. It took me 3 weeks to toss his ass though. Good job. 👍🏻

  • What will I do when this is all over? Well, I will have to do a BIG shopping trip with my DD8, because I moved into my new apartment two weeks ago today – right before everything shut down – and have been putting off what I will need to do to finish setting up my cheater-free household. I feel very lucky, indeed, that I’m not living in the same house with STBX anymore! The daily low-level mindfuck (sad sausage, mainly, with some charm occasionally thrown in) was really getting to me. And my kids, too, especially DD17, were having a hard time with things like shared dinners after we let them know a couple of weeks earlier that we are headed for divorce.

    While I feel very grateful that at least I still have my job (I was already teaching online for a local university before all this started) and some more space for peace of mind, and that nobody in our family-contact group has yet gotten sick with this crud, it’s also very strange to have to bunker down in a new apartment that isn’t yet fully stocked. The first week I was here, I was having to make daily decisions about whether it was worth it to run to the store for yet another item. This past week, I basically let all of that go, and have stayed home as much as possible. So what if I have to open my bottle of wine with a screw and fork?

    The hardest thing for me so far – and I get that, in the grand scheme of things, this is not so very bad – is that I haven’t been able to have friends over to celebrate my move, and my DD8 can’t have her friends over to play, and show them all the decorating we’ve been doing. Am looking forward to doing those things as soon as possible!

    I have to say that, while I haven’t been freaking out – I belong to some online and in-person communities starting to come to terms with the likelihood that our industrial economy will not survive the impacts of climate change for too much longer – I am a little scared of Covid-19. My dad has not been in great health lately, and though he’s kind of eager to get infected and get it over with, I worry for him. And I myself am a cancer survivor with some long-term health impacts and have been dealing with really horrible amounts of stress since my D-Day #2 in August 2018. I used to smoke a little in college and grad school, then stopped for many years, but about a year ago I started to smoke one cigarette a day. I have stopped doing that now, but am afraid that I compromised my health in just exactly the way that is exploited by this virus. So, while I will do my utmost not to contract it at all, or at least stave it off until later (when our healthcare system would be better able to deal with any severe reaction to it), I fear that it’s just a matter of time before we all deal with it, one way or another.

    Thanks for listening, CN, and I wish I could have you all over to celebrate our cheater-free lives, when all this is over! Be safe and well.

  • Well Tracy, I’m going for the hugest walk along Newcastle Harbour . I’m sure you remember it vividly. I’ll even stop in at 6 Degrees Cafe where we chatted… as I’m writing this I’m on a virtual tour. Makes me happy ..

  • I am grateful to be able to work from home. My company revised sales forecasts but is online. I started dating a man a few months ago and though it wasn’t my intention he has somehow ended up living with me. I feel like he has been described on this website a million times. But it’s complicated. He’s good with my kids. I wonder if i’d be lonely or grateful to have the time to myself when my kids are gone. Glad their dad isn’t hoarding custody. He tried to spring OW and her daughter on them the first time after his bribe spring break trip out of the country that he had to cut short. My 9 yo was in hysterics about potentially having a step sister. He stopped short of promising they wouldn’t have to see her again. They brought peanut butter cups for my 4 kids all who refuses to greet them. Here we’ll make it all better that ho bag was complicit in breaking up your family… have some candy. Lol… karma?

  • My father passed away last weekend after a roller coaster last few days. I always thought he would have the biggest funeral ever because he was such a good, loving, giving man who touched so many lives. Instead, we had a beautiful little graveside burial limited to 10.

    There is no doubt that having gone through the cheating/shock/ divorce thing, I handled it far better than I would have otherwise. I KNEW I would get through it. I was able to help my mom who has dementia (I had the fun job of retelling of my fathers passing over and over for five days.) I also was in constant fear of catching the damn virus from all of the wonderful care-givers who like to get close with no masks—- Their wonderfulness made up for it though.

    Anyway, life will never be the same for me now after this is over but now that I am finally home, after an errie plane ride – nicely spaced out until we landed and then they all lined up before the damn door opened one right behind the other next to my seat -?!?! – I am actually reveling in being all alone for awhile and not having to hold my breath and wash my hands every five minutes.

  • I am so sorry for the loss of your father.

    Like Doctor’sfirstwife I have been having weird dreams and moments of missing my ex. I remember worrying about him and planning to keep the children safe when there was the Ebola outbreak. Ex is a critical care physician so this is his field exactly. I almost texted to tell him I hope he is being careful–but that was just muscle memory and I am glad I did not do it. Our son has asthma and I did text to ask a specific question and he did not answer it. He also has not reached out to either child to check on them or tell them to take care. Nothing. Radio silence. He is angry and won’t communicate with them because they had the audacity to be upset by what he did. Unreal. His AP now wife is posting all kinds of stuff like “No all superheroes wear capes.” I give a lot of credit to those on the frontlines, but ex never would have gotten that kind of public hero worship from me. Anyway, he picked his life and I am grateful for mine.

    This crisis has reminded me though that I am really only half healed. I got to really ok and functional, but slowing down has given me time to realize I am not steering the boat. I need to go back to therapy and get myself together. Wishing everyone safety. We will get through this.

    • Pulma: Thank you. Ughh, your ex really disgusts me. Since this is a medical crisis, I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself for having this trigger wanting to reach out for a moment, until you rethink it. The facts are, you are rethinking it and aware, which is healthy but I get wanting to continue more therapy. As far as Bimbo-Wife being so proud of her catch – is there a way to just avoid seeing it? I ended up unfollowing people (not unfriending, they don’t know when you unfollow) anyone where slut-face’s comments might pop up.

      Take care.

  • My four lady friends and I already have plans to go eat Mexican food at a favorite restaurant and also share some adult beverages while there

  • I got my kiddo home from the U.K. when her study abroad program shut down and US university required that she return. Bought 4 plane tickets in 36 hours, but was able to cancel all of the ones that I didn’t need. She’s on day 11 and no symptoms so far. She commented that if it were up to her dad, she’d wouldn’t have made it home.

    When this is over, I want to send her back abroad for a month to do the traveling that she missed out on and then meet her up in her host city and have her show me all of her favorite hangouts.

    • My kiddo and I decided that our experience with DDay with her dad actually made us more resilient to the lifestyle changes necessitated by COVID-19 because we already know about accepting the new normal and mourning, then moving on from the things that will never be the same.

  • I have no idea what I will do in this brave new world (COVID era) or the next (post-COVID world, if it will ever exist). I keep thinking of Kurt Russell’s character, Snake, at the end of Escape from L.A., in which he activates a device that ends access to all technology on Earth, sending humankind back into prehistoric conditions. I have decided, for once, not to make any plans–aside from trying to find more ways to earn money–must feed and shelter my kids. Ideally, someday, at least in my dream world, I can financially help others, too.

  • My refi loan was just approved and now my home is in my name ONLY! One more step forward in separating from my stbxh. Well COVID-19 settles down I’m having a party in MY house!

  • I’m going to be with my girlfriend and hug everyone I love. I have been self isolating alone with my cats since 3/15. I can’t see my girlfriend at all during the isolation as she has to do kid exchanges with her ex and I am immune compromised and we decided the risk was too great.

    That said, I’ve been having terrifying lung symptoms for the past week and a half and was tested for Covid-19 on Tuesday. Results will still take about another week. I am thinking of all of you during this time, particularly those with actively broken hearts or having to do kid exchanges with maybe someone who does not consider the health and safety of others.

    Please also send some healing thoughts my way.

    • Oh, MC, I’m so sorry that you are having those symptoms and can’t be with your GF. I hope you have the support you need in other ways. (Cats are great, but…)

      Am definitely sending healing thoughts your way – please keep CN posted about your condition. Please PM me on the Reddit site if you would find value in unloading with another Rainbow chump. All best to you!

      • My daughters work in healthcare, front line screeners.
        When this is over I am going to hug them ,and cook them their favourite foods.

        As one daughter says, “Mom this is no ordinary virus.”
        I admire their strength, the way they just show up for their regular shift and added hours. I admire how they disinfect themselves as best they can and take care of their family. ( one is a single parent as her husband passed away at a young age.)
        They feel overwhelmed by the kindness of the world around them in these trying times. Food is dropped off at the hospital for them bouquets of purple tulips and white roses one day. When someone donates medical equipment you would think they had won a big lottery.

        I do worry about them, but having worked in the medical profession myself, I know what it means to walk in their shoes.
        We will come out of this, CN, we will.
        Together we will keep up the fight, no matter what our role is.
        In this battle many have the “job” of staying home, don’t give the virus the opportunity to be out and about. To beat it, we must confine it and show it who is boss.

        Thank you to all health care workers , that means ALL stuff , who work or volunteer in any hospital or medical facility.
        True heros , true angels, THANK YOU!

        Also, Thank You, very much, CL, for this very caring topic

  • I helped with Hurricane Harvey relief thru my church and it occurred to me that we were given masks. (We went into flooded houses to tear down walls to expose and pull out insulation to let the houses “dry out.”) Anyway, I’m thinking there may be masks in some storage unit somewhere and so I put out the word to those in the know to see if there are. There might not be — but then again, there very well could be too. And if so, I’m 100% sure they will be donated.

    Meanwhile, on a related point, when I went down to help with Harvey, I slept in a school gymnasium with about 500 other people, all volunteers. It was just a few months after Dday and I hadn’t been sleeping without waking up over and over all night. Until that gymnasium- 500 people but NO cheater next to me. I remember telling my therapist that it was the first time I’d slept 8 hrs straight in months.

  • C19ain’ttheproblem, I’m not sure why you’re here but your post is ludicrous. While innocent people are suffering and dying you are publicly claiming to be on the front lines and denying reality. I don’t for one minute believe you’re actually working in a NYC hospital. You’re probably not even an RN. If you are, you don’t belong, as you have no critical thinking skills.

    I’ll rely on reputable sources, such as Dr. Fauci, who has been around for years and is world-renowned. Shame, shame, shame on you and your ilk.

  • What I’m looking forward to: happy hours with friends, our favorite pizza with our favorite server in our neighborhood pizza joint, all the brew pubs, travel to other places, f2f with students and clients.
    How I’m coping: zoom happy hours, cooking great food, skyping with my kids, completing little home projects, growing hydroponic herbs.

  • Hot yoga. Boxing. Baseball. Having dinner in my favorite restaurant. Hugging my students. Poker games with the Very Kind Man and his family.

    • LaJ, your reference to poker made me think of the song by recently-departed Kenny Rogers (a five-time-married cheater):
      “You’ve got to know when to hold ’em,
      Know when to fold ’em,
      Know when to walk away, (also works for social distancing!)
      And know when to run.” (also works for disordered character!)

      I certainly hope you get to do all those things soon.

  • In other news, Napoleon crossed the Delaware before he freed the slaves; Cleopatra discovered electricity after eloping with Hector in Paris; Troy defeated Agamemnon on the banks of the Chosin Reservoir and Helen, recently divorced, founded L’Oreal Cosmetics in 1376, shortly after Cain smote Able upside the head with an apple and invented gravity, and right before the Magna Carta was denounced by King Elvis Presley and his wife Madonna in Rome at the Papal Enclave of Luthiers and Podiatrists. Steve Jobs defeated Pancreatic C and the EU invited Vladimir Putin, Prime Minister of Crimea, to join NATO’s Lasting Security & Peace Listening Tour. Sappho was a Pirate. Jean Luc Piccard also reports from Burning Man that Commander Bill Adama and President Laura Roslin are in fact orbiting the outer rings of Google. George Washington invented dentistry and his wife, Martha, invented Scope. Admitted Martha in a recent Tweet, “It was either that, inventing mouthwash, or foreswearing all social distancing and taking up with Don Draper. I just love that good, clean feeling!” Lady Gaga said on Morning Joe that she and Judy Garland and Barbra Streisand were delighted to be named Chancellors to National Endowment for the Arts now that its budget has been increased tenfold. Elon Musk, frustrated with excessive federal oversight and endless probes, has joined a Trappist Monastery on the Island of Rab, where George R R Martin practiced Naturism while writing Dame of Thongs, which won The Booker Prize just last week, and Rasputin’s latest single is scheduled to drop on Tuesday.

    More news at 12.

  • Looking forward to meeting up with my gaming groups (we are currently seeking online tools to continue our campaigns), going to Outback Steakhouse, and hust getting some drinks/foid with friends. Until then, my introverted self is happy to keep reading books, writing games and fiction, watching Hulu, playing with the cats and dogs, and taking care of my abandoned in-laws (aged 80), who live with me.

  • I hope to use this time wisely. As tense as it is, and as horrible the impacts on those who are sick and those who have been made still more vulnerable, there is an opportunity here. What pleasure there is in seeing people in the middle of the day digging in the garden with their children and their pets, signs of support on the sidewalk and in windows, music playing loud enough so neighbors can hear. I appreciate being compelled to live local and small, to reorient myself towards family, work, friendship, and community–to reorient myself towards time. And I appreciate the feeling of interdependence, as people all over the world must acknowledge, if only through the biological reality of contagion, that we are connected, at risk, and fundamentally open to each other. I hope our transnational response, as uneven and bungled as it has been, teaches us to assemble ourselves for the more durable, more dangerous threat of the climate crisis. I know things are likely to “go back to normal.” But, in some ways, I hope they don’t–for me and for all of us.

  • Would be nice to try to date. I met a guy online who seems kind, attractive, health-conscious, not very far from me, and overall, very compatible with me, but I have never met him in person. After a few years of being alone, I would like to stop mourning the loss of exes, especially the last one, and enjoy the real company of a real guy. (Virtual connection is ok in some ways but extremely limited in terms of developing a relationship.) I wonder how many months or years we will need to avoid touching or getting within six feet of anybody else. So are there more years of guaranteed celibacy ahead for those of us who have been involuntarily celibate for years now? Feel a bit sad, too, that I cannot do my favorite hobbies, ballroom and Latin dancing and martial arts sparring, as they involve physical contact.

    Also, how long can we financially survive quarantine mode (no income for a lot of us)? We need money to pay for food and shelter. Some of us tried throughout our lives to be frugal, but divorce, job loss or reduction and stock market crash have eradicated our savings. Unfortunately, I doubt that COVID-19 will ‘just blow over’ in a couple of weeks, in spite of the President of the U.S. saying it will be fine to get back to work by Easter–of this year, 2020. Any guesses?

  • I’m glad I setup my home cocktail bar before all this started.
    And thanks to all the professionals, including street cleaners and shop packers out there on the front lines.
    This really shows you just how important EVERYONE is to keep society together.
    May God have mercy on our souls.

  • When this is all over I’m going to get my flu shot. When the Covid 19 vaccine comes out I’m going to line up for that until then I’m going to continue being my mighty chump self.
    Stay safe CN

  • Prior to social distancing all I did was work and do online school. I work in a hospital so in many ways nothing has changed.

    However (dear God)

    My narc parents are needing to live out of their McMansion that they filled with crap from one end to the other … it is the final, tragic act of a lifetime of narcissism where mom has alcoholic dementia and dad is realizing the he has made terrible (ghastly, horrible, tragic) decisions that threaten to leave them with nothing. I’m currently selling their possessions for pennies and they will soon lose their house as the last ditch effort to sell it has failed in the social chaos of the pandemic.

    This mess with my parents keeps me up at night. They were awful parents … dad was selfish and clueless and mom drank, had BPD and was mean as hell. Me and Colonel Greatguy are spending every free moment literally digging through their dirt (and empty booze bottles) trying to pack up enough for them to scratch out an existence. Mom set her kitchen on fire on Saturday. I’m convinced it’s frigate and locusts next.

    • “move out of their McMansion”

      And I hate their fucking house … it is a millstone that will drown them and they threw me under a bus for that fucking stupid piece of shit many times. And demented mom wanders around all day proclaiming her love for her house (she forgot her grandchildren). Even in my most vivid imagination, I never imagined their end as bad as it is

      • Ug, sending sympathy to you Unicornnomore. They sound dreadful, much like my parents, and step parents. I too have memories of clearing up empty bottles stashed around the place. My mum also died of alcoholism, and her dementia at the end was something no child should ever have to witness.
        She made it to 53, 4 years older than I am now. Bad relationships brought her life to a tragic and early end. I can’t actually believe I have been doing the same thing.
        There are some dangerous people out there. For every one there are people bending themselves like pretzels and putting their own mental, physical and spiritual health at risk.
        Stay safe and stay sane!

  • Oh… and I had a great great grandmother Wilhelmina

    If I have the story straight… in my family, the Spanish flu didn’t take one out here and there, it wiped out one whole family leaving one person to completely rebuild. She must have been mighty.

  • I am an essential/key worker (I am a care worker for two disabled people), so I get to cycle to and from work every day in the sun and pretty much do everything I did before, apart from head to the gym to unwind four days a week and meet up with pals at the weekend. My life and plans will go on as usual when the disruption ends and hopefully a major recession does not kick the global ass too much. My plans have not changed, just been put on hold for a bit…(selling the house, getting my motorbike license, entering more strength competitions….)

  • When this is over, I am taking my once-in-a-lifetime trip to Portugal.

    My ex never wanted to go on a vacation with me, even though I paid the bills. Last summer, when I discovered my ex-husband’s affair, I discovered emails between his AP and him where they were planning their extravagant vacations they would take when they were “free”. Meaning after her dying husband finally died (I think she was holding out for life insurance) and – what for my ex? After he had murdered me? After he had finally squirreled away enough of our community property assets? After he had finally grown a pair and asked for a divorce? I never got clarification on that.

    This was supposed to be my summer to finally travel. Sigh…

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