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I Thought That Meh Was a Unicorn

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Hi Chump Lady,

I wrote to you about 10 months ago and you published it. It was The OW has abs of steel.

I just wanted to write to you and tell you that I truly believed I’d never get over him. He took me for the biggest metaphorical spin on the dance floor. I was smitten with him and for years I overlooked his cheating, porn, Russian websites, physical abuse and hot and cold behaviour.

I have cried every night for years and often worried about myself for feeling so obsessed with him and like no one would come close to making me feel like he does. I was so in love.

Today I write to you to say:

I continue to raise my challenging son alone. He has non-verbal autism, can be quite destructive and needs to be watched 24/7. But I ace at this. Even though he can’t talk he looks at me like I’m the most incredible human in this world.

I’m kicking covid-19 goals. Although working at home is so challenging with my son, I’m having my chance to shine. Management are finally seeing my creative and problem-solving skill set and my ability to organise and designate. It’s been amazing for my confidence.

Even though I’m so exhausted I’m giving my time to my friends and rebuilding strong relationships.

Guess what? I’ve now got ABS! Yep, you heard me. Abs of steel. And toned legs, bottom, arms and healthy looking skin.

Lastly and most importantly… I reached a place I truly believed was a myth in my world. I reached meh!

Thank you so much CL for publishing my post last year. Your words and the support of Chump Nation gave me the backbone I thought I didn’t have.

Yours Truly

(Not so) Insecure Chump

Dear MIGHTY Chump,

What a wonderful Tuesday letter! (Tuesday, to the newbies, is the day the pain stops. I don’t know which Tuesday it is, but I know yours is out there.) Thank you for the mightiness dispatch!

I’m in awe of you. Homeschooling a special needs son while teaching others online? (I gleaned from your first letter than you’re a school teacher.) Damn straight you have creative, problem-solving, organizational skills!

AND abs of steel?! Way to go! That takes a lot of concentrated effort and determination. Most of us are quarantining with carbs and Netflix lethargy.

Isn’t it amazing all the energy and time to be found when you’re not mourning a fuckwit?

I really appreciate the Meh reports. Unlike unicorns, which disappear into the misty forest, and cannot be caught (unless you’re a virgin and lay your head on its lap and pay $399 to affair-proof your marriage) — Meh abides. It’s solid. You build on it every day, until one day you’ve got rock hard resiliency.

Today (Tuesday), I’d love to hear CN’s meh dispatches, and a big round of celebration for Mighty (Not so insecure) Chump!

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Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Many Congratulations

    What an amazing and Mighty woman you are .
    Your son is very lucky to have you as a mum

    I love Meh stories they are my absolute favourite although I fear I may take a while to even visit this much sought after place I do so admire everyone who is there

    • Meh is every other Tuesday or every third Tuesday for me. But that’s progress. As long as asshat keeps paying my alimony and child support, I will get to permanent Meh.

      • seriously. I got the expected whining (One contract is shutting down and I’ll have to look for (gasp!) permanent work or something–he does work that lends itself to contract jobs: more money, better time management (I crack myself up! as if he could manage anything..). So I did what I always do–Sent a sweet note mostly about other people and a menacing undertone of, “but lawyers would be so expensive and troublesome. (I rarely/never chat with the guy). I also had to–sigh–mommy him and point out that he can get forbearance on his this that and the other, although I believe sugar momma takes care of the rent.

        Their rent alone is more that all my support put together. I own a house etc, keep my bills in good order–being a grownup, how does it work?

        Although I detest any contact at all, especially having to play mommy again, it’s in my self interest to insure I have income, since I have serious and complicated health issues. I was expecting back surgery now, and we got…plague.

        I hope everyone stays safe and well.

  • Dealing with teenagers on lockdown is easier than dealing with ex. Neighbour who was easiest impressed with ex asked if ex was staying with us, over the current period I said no, thank God, she would have been pawning over him. Failing to remember his alcohol and drug “issues”. She actually told me she uses drugs, no wonder why she likes him. If he got together with her, or he did in his past, she would have made excuses for him.
    Can you remember on my previous posts, she Always stuck up for him.
    He used to make a mockery of me being abused as a child, and he laughed about it, I told her and yes she stuck up for him.
    What does that tell you
    The Gcse’s have been cancelled in England she sneered and said I bet…. Will do well in her exams, I’m was thinking what are you sneering at a teenager for.
    The results will be based on previous exams etc, homework.

  • Well done NSIC! What an amazing transformation in 10 months. Long may it keep getting better and better! And thank you ChumpLady, for both letters and replies. I’ve done more healing here than in therapy or talking to friends combined!
    Sometimes I read here, and have an almighty jump of realisation and self forgiveness.
    I think I’m going to forgive myself for all the awful relationships I’ve had since my ex abandoned me and my son for a mutual friend. My head was FUBAR’d I’m only to this day beginning to realise what damage was done.
    All the awful men since=whirl around the dance floor. Enough whirling, I’m done, and I’m going to retire to the buffet table and that calm looking guy quietly sitting eating some chicken drumsticks.

  • Wow you’re Wonder Woman!

    One of my favorite things about this letter is that it makes no mention of a new romance. While I certainly wish that for the writer, it’s a good reminder to everyone (myself included) that happy endings don’t require a prince. You can be your own knight in shining armor.

    • As a single father (she left the kids and I nearly 5 years ago) I’d agree wholeheartedly, but add (for which I hope you don’t mind) “… or, indeed, a Princess.”

      LFTT

    • Hear, hear!! I’ll second that. It’s all too easy to imagine that those happily-recoupled chumps among us reached a state of “Meh” only because of the new partner. For some of us, that will never happen. It’s nice to be reminded we don’t need a new partner to be happy or even “Meh.”

    • Oh, I am so my own queen in shining armor!

      I am at meh and on my own, not dating but with tons of friends and a great, fulfilling, wonderful life OF MY OWN CHOOSING!

      It was a very long road to get here. I walked thru the burning coals on my hands and knees. Now I stand so tall and I shine.

      I did try to date but realized it just wasn’t the path for me. Thrilled for anyone that finds a great match but I’m not actively seeking a partner..

      I’m quarantined with one son and his family and we are doing great. My other son had the virus and it was so hard to not be there with him. But I have kids who think I’m a warrior and amazing. I build things, organize groups and help lots of people.

      I’m on my own, I’m happy and that horrible, soul-crushing marriage is well in my rear view mirror.

  • I too was “So in love with him.” I never even expected to get to meh. I figured I’d live the rest of my life with a slightly broken heart and I’d just muddle through like that. I even signed up for a “get your lover to come back webinar. ( i wanted the lying cheater back.) Luckily, the “trick” they endorsed was NO CONTACT. It was supposed to make him miss me terribly. Well. He didn’t miss me at all and that knowledge along with the no contact, floated me straight to Tuesday. Now I’m happily at meh. NO CONTACT is powerful! I highly recommend it.

    • Exactly!! I remember those videos I’d watch about getting them back, which was go No Contact “so they’d miss you and come running home”! The upside was months of no contact turned into years and now I don’t give 2 shits what happens to her! It really worked!

    • I was so in love with my cheater and was always trying (unsuccessfully) to please her. She was alway hot and cold with me and would often put me down, then she might throw me crumbs of affection. Now I realize I was feeling what many of us chumps experience, trauma bonding. With trauma bonding there is intermittent affection, which creates more intense feelings of need for a person than healthy love. It is like the rat that is given a treat intermittently when it pushes a button, will push the button far more often than the rat that receives a treat every time. I still have some minimal interaction with my xw as we have to sell our property, but now I look at her as a stranger and the feelings of love and hatred have dissipated considerably. Tuesday is coming.

    • Rachel, Agree about NC! I am about 2 1/2 mo from DDay. He started moving out last week ‘to be on his own’ (total bullshit). Since I found CL, I have found the strength to go total grey rock- which I believe prompted him to find a place to live (and he had to do it “all by himself” and it was really hard bc of the quarantine … boo hoo, and TOTAL bullshit).

      NC has definitely helped ease the pain, and just recently I’ve started feeling happy again. I know the pain is no where near over, but I sure do appreciate a little taste of Meh.

  • I love it when you say meh is solid. It is reliable. Once you take the crazy out, you can rebuild and NO ONE will shatter it! That said, new challenges that bring vulnerability also bring on the trauma again. I try to be patient. My latest disruption in being at meh is being on my own here (we just back moved to the States and I just filed for custody!) with my toddler and with COVID-19 ripping through our county. These nights, I sometimes cry because I am afraid and feel so overwhelmed…I miss having a husband, someone to share the fear with. He has his own family, he’s gone and I feel that loss. But I have become comfortable with my grieving process. And each storm I weather through, the sense of meh “deepens”. So, I write it out, cry it out, tell myself I protect my son and God protects us both so we don’t need any person, certainly not my son’s father. And I am pretty sure all married couples are fighting right now, so that helps.

    • Thinking of you, Queen. The virus is super-scary, and I hear how hard it is to be isolated with a toddler. Sounds like you have some good coping mechanisms in place! Please take care of yourself, and I wish you the best.

      • Wish you well also, please stay safe and comfortable! One day at a time, and one day we will be out the other side.

    • That’s a good place to be. I knew I was on the dealing path and letting go when I could comfortably sit with my grief and not be scared of it.

      I completely understand how tricky and sometimes scary it is to be alone during this unknown time. My son screams a lot of the day and sometimes I want to run away… and I’m working way too hard from home and would love someone to chat with a hug at night… yet… my son hugs me at night. He adores me because despite his complex disability that impacts his cognitive ability, one thing I’ve taught him is respect, having empathy and loving the people who treat you well.

      I find my coupled up friends are always up for a zoom chat first over my single friends. Ha! One called me the other day, got emotional and told me that no one understands her like I do. And her partner is incredible and respectful. They have a good relationship… but they still have tricky times.

      Exercising and just being and advocate for my son and working hard really helped me get to meh. Good luck to you. You are almost there!!

      • Wish you and your son well! It is a lot to handle, but somehow I feel that in a few years’ time we will look back fondly at these single parenting years with nostalgia and pride. “Remember the time there was COVID-19 and we made it through a global pandemic, just you and me?”

  • “I will permit her to see clearly the things I see… ignorance, cruelty and prejudice…and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as if she is here by my side” Part of the poem on God chooses mother …..by Erma Bombeck
    You are a strong, amazing and loving mom with muscle tone 🙂

  • (Not So) Insecure Chump: Thanks for sharing your story. You sound like the Mightiest of the Mighty, and your walls must be singing like an opera diva!

    I, too, am at Meh, a place I never thought I’d get to. I think I am somewhere between Meh and Mighty. I spent the last two years getting out of a 35 year marriage and then renegotiating my retirement so I no longer had to work with my ex. After that I moved temporarily back to my old home town a thousand miles away to take my turn of caring for my 93 year old mother. I am now back in my own place, and ready to move to the next phase of my life, but…Covid-19. But I’m on the threshold, and ready to step out when we’re all safe again.

    Meh is AMAZING! I am an introspective person, sometimes to a fault. I was a champion skein untangler (and before that a champion naked pick-me dancer), and after I left, I ruminated like a prize heifer. My therapist once said to me, “Cut off negative thoughts,” accompanying her words with a chopping gesture. I looked at her and said, “Great idea. You think I haven’t thought of it? Teach me how to do that!”

    Well, I learned from Chump Lady, and I made “trust that he sucks” my mantra. I developed one of my own: “Over the cliff!”, accompanied by a hand push off. I told myself that it was time to put my energy and thought into me and the future I was going to have, and every time I’d get off track thinking about the past, I’d tell myself, “Don’t go back. Go forward.” I worked on myself and practiced setting boundaries.

    Everything I’ve done in the past two years–moved out, initiated divorce, negotiated and got the terms I wanted, renegotiated my retirement with favorable financial terms, sorted my real friends from the Switzerland ones, assessed myself and my responsibilities, and devoted six months to my mother’s care–have given me self-confidence. I used to be afraid I would fail at life on my own (even though like most of us, for the whole of my marriage I had been carrying my ex). Now I am looking forward–in both senses.
    When the virus eases, I’m ready to move: literally. At 66 I’m going out to create the life that makes me happy, and that supports my values.

    In the meantime, I’m sewing masks…

    • Don’t knock late life romance. It is fabulous.

      I discovered my ex having an affair after 42 years of marriage. This was after 10 years of a dead bedroom due to his impotency following prostate surgery. He had me believing he was soooo depressed, I settled for nothing in my marriage — no affection of any sort. I was a total paycheck and wife appliance to him. I discovered a multi-year emotional and physical affair with a woman who got the fun, joking, charming man who planned to travel the world with her and managed to sexually satisfy her. I got the work of running the home and business.

      I choose an eye lift and botox over counseling. CL and journaling were my therapy. I managed my evening loneliness and insomnia with intense workouts at the gym. I forced myself to rebuild a social life with Meet Up groups. I sought out a gynecologist who specializes in post menopausal women, to get my own issues treated.

      I met a man two years widowed at a jazz concert. We have been dating for 7 months. He is not a hearts and flowers kind of guy. He cares for me and takes care of me in real ways — like showing up with his tractor to grade my gravel driveway. His caring is actually hard for me to accept, it is so foreign to me. I am so blessed.

      • If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. I miss it, but I won’t compromise to get it. But for everyone who does find love again, more power to you.

      • Discarded Wife,
        I got a lower bleph years ago and it made a hUGE difference to suddenly not have people telling me how tired I looked all the time. I highly recommend the therapeutic power of plastic surgery. I used to buy into the critical cliche of plastic surgery patients as “people who think they’re not good enough” but that’s just bullshit. When you look better, you feel better. Eighteen months ago I got botox for the first time and my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. I’m typing all this out not because it’s interesting but because I want to tell chumps who are considering plastic surgery, but worried that it’s somehow like applying a band aid to arterial spray: Get plastic surgery or botox if you want to. Of course it’s no magical remedy, for anything. But it’s easier to get to Meh when you like what you see in the mirror. There is power in looking well-rested, especially when you’re struggling, and there’s no reason to feel guilty about having plastic surgery or wearing makeup. If you don’t do either of those things, more power to you. But if you want to, do it. I have five friends (four XX, one XY, all of them smart and curious and fun) who to this day thank me for giving them this little lecture (one of them calls it my Eve of Agincourt speech). You can deal with the bags under your eyes while you’re dealing with your baggage.
        TL;DR If you want plastic surgery or botox, go for it.

      • You are a true inspiration♥️ I believe I have someone who loves me but snuck around with his ex a few years back. Just learned of it. He has had difficulties over the years with impotence now maybe I know why. Darn shame. Thank you for your inspiration God Bless

    • Adelante –
      All of that sounds pretty darn mighty to me! Thanks for the inspiration, and all best to you.

  • I LOVE this. Only mentions Ex in the past. The post is about her & no mention of new love as a means for her happiness. True MEH! Congratulations. Impressive

    • That’s a great observation!! Meh involves THIS…making it on your own without another person as that bridge. OP is powerful.

    • It’s amazing what people achieve when they lose their exes and stop focusing on shit and start focusing on themselves. Lees on to us all.

  • Meh is one of those things that you suddenly realize you have achieved. I wish I could say I was there, but I know that one day I will realize I haven’t pain-shopped, I haven’t even thought about him (or her) for several weeks. Getting there is a process that takes a different amount of time for each person. I wish I could snap my fingers and just BE there already….

  • What does “meh” look like here? It looks like no contact for 4 years. (Blocked Voldemort *everywhere*.) It looks like trying to keep my business running in the middle of coronapocalypse. It means looking for different places to advertise and dealing with vendors & tenants. It’s about keeping up with all my kids and what’s going on with them as best I can. It looks like dealing with a house full of (now) recovering people. It also looks like keeping my friends, family, and fellow Chumps as cheerful and positive as possible. I shared a meme on FB the other day that said, “Before you complain about your current situation, just remember that someone is quarantined with your ex.” It’s wonderful to have the time and energy to help others when they’re having problems or just need an ear to listen. Best of all, I never have to worry where Voldemort is, who Voldemort’s doing, or the next financial crisis that was inevitably right around the corner when I expected it least. No more purposeful efforts to deny me what I want or need simply because I wanted or needed it. And last but never least, I certainly don’t miss meeting new male or female “friends” of Voldemort who were already contemptuous of me upon our initial introduction. (If you don’t already know, that’s a sure sign they’d been shagging.) I don’t miss the continual sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach or the sensation that the floor was about to collapse under my feet with every step. Once you get to “meh” – and yes, it’s a Tuesday – you’ll almost hardly remember how bad it used to be until someone asks you how it used to be. But I don’t mind reaching back into my memory vault and digging out some oldies… because things are different now. My current reality is that the birds are chirping and it’s going to be almost 70F today. Blue skies, bright sun, flowers starting to grow, and life is peaceful, pleasant, and manageable. I like the land of Meh. It’s a good place to be.

    • “I certainly don’t miss meeting new male or female “friends” of Voldemort who were already contemptuous of me upon our initial introduction. (If you don’t already know, that’s a sure sign they’d been shagging.)”

      This. And if Voldemort ignores or dismisses their contempt toward you, that is yet another huge red flag. I sure wish I’d known all that 30 years ago!

  • It’s so wonderful to hear all these stories of meh. 38 years with the FW, divorced over the phone while I was a thousand miles from home. Cheated on lied to, living with a sexual deviant, All found out after dday. Pick me danced, got pulled into ric, but guess what? Read LACGAL and started reading posts here. Went grey rock then no contact after divorce. Ex married to a woman, she’s worth 17 million (well maybe not as much anymore!), she’s deaf and never been married before (at 66). She’s quarantined in NY, he’s 800 miles away and cheating on her.

    I’ve partnered with a wonderful friend and bought a health and nutrition shop and I’m helping others get past their toxic relationships. Life is good. Meh is wonderful.

    • Poor woman. I gather she has no family to look after her as your ex is a blatant gold digger. Even if she had a prenup he’ll still be able to take her to the cleaners. However, not your problem. There will always be predators out in society.

  • Thank you thank you thank you. I needed to read this today. I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel – 3 months into the divorce, months and months to go, December 6 was Ddsy #7. Yes I held out long. I can’t wait to meh.

  • Congratulations, (Not so) Insecure Chump! Your transformation is impressive and inspiring. Thanks for sharing.

  • “Meh” ⬅️ Marcus entering Happiness 💪😊

    Aug 2017. Marcus Destroyed.

    September 2017, Marcus finds LACGAL

    July 2018 Marcus is freed from the legal bondage to a covert narcissist by a simple signature of a local county judge.

    interim: HOPIUM withdrawal, Recovery and re-discovery of Marcus Lazarus.

    April 2020 The pain is gone. When did it happen? Not sure 🤔. Doesn’t matter. The thoughts 💭 what was (and what wasn’t) are becoming rare.

    I’m comfortable and secure on my 4.25 acres, in my little cottage spending my meager retirement and dependent on NO ONE ☝️ But my Higher power- who says to me, “Son, I get it. I’m here and I got your back. Rise! Go Forth.”

    I do miss making Love to a woman I care for and showing affection in the little things. Celibacy definitely leads to introspection, but that’s where the re-discovery begins.

    I don’t seek romantic relationships anymore. I’m a firm believer in the concept that when you’re actively looking for Love you won’t find it, it’s when you’re not looking….that it drops in your lap. It is Impossible to get upset when you have Zero expectations.

    Hey! I think I’ve found a new definition for Meh. “Zero Expectations”

    Prince Charming is a Unicorn 🦄 I am a warrior.

  • I arrived at Meh! about 3 Tuesdays ago. Literally. I thought I was stuck at bitter, not better. But I made it. I got better. I’m free. Emotionally at least.

    I reached rock bottom in January. 18 months out from the very last D Day. I was financially exhausted and stressed after over a year of trying to settle on property in which he won’t budge (I’m paying him out btw, he wants what he’s “entitled to”, I want to pay what he’s “entitled to”. Guess what, we now have to go to court to have a judge decide what that actually is, meanwhile my super fund he’s entitled to half of is dropping by the day! We normalise it to D Day value as far as I know).

    I purged all of January and February. I left my last Facebook support group (sorry CN but I was getting stuck in there, as many of you were, it wasn’t healthy). I did deep deep trauma work. I read how narcissism is caused by the unheralded shame of trauma. I recognised that I too was living with the unheralded shame of trauma, betrayal trauma. I didn’t want to be toxic but I felt my bitterness as this betrayal was winning. I read Pete Walker again. I surrendered to a higher power (ACA, Step 3 I think). Surrendering was the single best thing I have done for my mental health ever. I purged, and suddenly it was Tuesday.

    Virus hit. He became Mr Nice Guy. We are in the same bubble (different houses sharing kids while quarantined). I don’t believe he is actually isolating when he doesn’t have kids for the week (sex and porn addict, although I’m sure there’s plenty of cam action for him to tap into), I don’t care. I actually, amazingly, think I’ve forgiven him! I refused to forgive him before. It was unforgivable. But I genuinely feel like it’s happened. I feel sorry for him, but not in a “I want the guy I loved back, I want to rescue him and he can rescue me way”. In a meh way. In a recognising that I’ve done the work on myself, cos I can, and I did, and he hasn’t, he can’t, and he won’t. Because disordered.

    And that’s not my problem. That’s a first. It’s not my problem. I got rid of my needing to be rescued, I feel the freedom of that. I joined a dating website. I’m literally ignoring every interaction because really, I’m not going to even put my heart into It for now. But I felt I needed to try. And I genuinely don’t feel any need for a man right now, because men have always been there to rescue me. I’ll interact when I’m ready, or someone piques my interest. Right now, they don’t. And I’m so good with that.

    I’m smashing quarantine and working from home. I’m loving the endless Tuesday I appear to be living in. I’m doing it on my own, with my kids. And we’re good.

  • Hurray! Not only Abs of Steel, but a mind like a steel trap which is even better. Congratulations!

    Me? I’m embracing Buns of Butter and let me tell you, I’ve got this. 😉

  • Congratulations to Mighty Chump! My road to meh unknowingly started about 6 months after Dday when I bought a little used pop-up trailer. It was in my budget. The dick-ex and I had had 3 RV trailers throughout our 30 years of marriage (steadily going from small to large). He wanted to trade the last in for a motorhome and I wouldn’t budge. I said that we didn’t use the one we had. When the kids were small we went camping every so often. I always enjoyed it so much. When we got divorced, he had the truck so it made sense that he took the trailer (and then he stupidly traded it in for a motorhome — but that’s not my problem.) I found a tiny trailer in my budget and have taken it out 4 – 6 times each year. I’m still working and can only fit in short-haul trips. But I’ve LOVED IT!! I was able to see that I can travel all by myself. I could make the decisions (good or bad) of where I want to go and what I want to take along. My little trailer certainly has its limitations, but I’ve been slowly modifying it so that when I camp, things are arranged much more conveniently for me. I’ve installed exterior access doors, replaced taillights, built shelves, installed additional 110V outlets, and on and on. I was so afraid that I would screw things up, but each accomplishment instilled more confidence in myself. With my travels I’ve gained more and more freedom in my head. I found that I’m liked by many people on the road. I found that I’m not ‘insensitive’ or that I make dumb decisions or whatever it was that the dick-ex accused me of being. The road to meh started four years ago with the purchase of my little trailer. I’m on that road and I’m mighty!

  • I know a lot of people are in horrible positions with the lockdown at the moment and my heart goes out to them, but personally I am finding it very healing. I am in the home I own, with my 3 little dogs and my adult daughter, so I am far from lonely. I am lucky enough to still have a job and have been working from home for nearly a month now, but I don’t have to put on a brave face and pretend nothing is wrong all day. The isolation has been very soothing.

    I’ve been forced out of old routines, and I have been taking time to clear out my house and refresh everything, do odd jobs that never get done, and reestablish it as my space. For a long time I used to dream daily about escaping my home and my life and wondered why I could never be happy here, but it wasn’t here that was the problem. Now that I’m clearing out the bad energy, I love being at home. For the first time I can glimpse Meh on the horizon and I am excited for Tuesday.

  • Meh is a wonderful place to be and Tuesday does eventually come!

    I knew that I had got to ‘meh’ when [latest unspeakable thing reported by the kids] got me more energised to stand on my own two feet $$$ wise, and instead of getting furious and upset, I was vaguely bored and more interested in my next project. Focus off him, on to self – gosh! I am at Meh!

    MEH! What a wonderful state to be in. Life is good.

    (I do feel vaguely sorry for OW4 in a vague sort of a way if I get round to thinking about it, and vaguely sorry for him that he has such a sad, pointless, friendless and tormented life if I get round to thinking about that, hope that is allowed. Meh)

  • Pandemic made me realised i reached meh and that tuesday had arrived much earlier than i thought. Dday was 7 september 2019 (12 year marriage). I was suicidal at first. Thought i would never come through it. Things started to get better after xmas. The turning point was valentines when i just wanted to puke, but then i started to think ‘screw them’. But then pandemic happened and ex announced on FB that schmoopie was moving in for quarrantine. I just laughed out loud and scrolled on by. Felt indifferent. That is how i knew that Tuesday had come.

  • I went into stay-at-home mode over a month ago because when the pandemic hit, I was at a large sports tournament. I’ve been Meh for a long time; one way that it shows is that I have really learned to live in the moment. We don’t know when this situation will end, so living one day at a time makes sense. So far this week, a storm broke a tree, I’ve had a car issue, and my bedroom closet door latch has decided not to work. And I’ve handled all of it without once thinking “I wish I had a man to fix this problem.” (And of course, I would never have that thought–or any thought–about Jackass).

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