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UBT: “Will Our Affair Survive the Lockdown?”

A few bazillion of you sent the Universal Bullshit Translator the Guardian’s “I’m involved with a married man. Will our affair survive the lockdown?

Penned by “Anonymous,” filed under “Relationships,” I’m not really sure what the point was. Is she looking for advice? (None is given. Comments are off.) Is she shouting her true love from the rooftops? Use a byline.

The love that dare not sign its name

To tackle this, I’m going to have to pull the UBT away from its jigsaw puzzles. It’s been in quarantine so long, its transponders have gone soft. All it wants to do is eat lebkuchen, wear its stretchy sprockets, and assemble a 1000-piece Map of Fairyland.

This won’t be easy.

CL: Fire up! You’ve been lazing about too long!

UBT: Grrrrroink! Must. Complete. Border.

CL: No! There is bullshit to translate! Battle stations! Some woman in England is wondering when her married boyfriend will call her!

(UBT sulks until I promise it more lebkuchen.)

sigh…

It’s 5.41pm, and I am worried. My boyfriend usually calls me on the dot of 5.30, and during these unusual times, I crave this daily check-in. The thing is, I can’t call him. Leo is married and in lockdown with his wife and two children. It was hard enough being a mistress (a terrible 17th-century word, but nothing else quite fits) in “peace time”, but Covid-19 has given our relationship a whole new dimension.

It’s 5:41 pm and I am worried. Beset with fleeting lucidity. Perhaps my I-can’t-phone-my-boyfriend relationship is not sustainable.

Let’s consider instead the injustice of the word mistress. A terrible 17th-century insult, up there with plague sore, bedswerver, driggle-draggle, stewed prune, and loiter-sack.

I wish to be known as Mrs. Loiter-Sack.

Call me, Leo!

Leo and I are both writers. We met at a literary festival last June. I am 51, a newly divorced Londoner, with a daughter at university. Leo is 49 and lives near Manchester. I knew from the outset that he was married: he wasn’t wearing a ring, but one of our first conversations was about family holidays. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, but he was funny and clever. Nice-looking, yes, but it was more his personality that attracted me; he radiated humorous warmth.

Out of a population of 9 million in London, I choose Leo — radiating his warm unavailability from 200 miles away.

Knowing and respecting the rules (married men are off limits), I said goodbye to Leo and got into my car. But two days later, I was pleased to receive a Facebook message. Witty texts led to WhatsApp and, finally, a phone call. Soon we were speaking twice a day, often for hours – his wife has a corporate office job, Leo works from home – and he wanted to meet again. I put him off a few times, but we both knew it was going to happen eventually.

Leo works from home as a “writer.” While his wife is at the office, Leo has many hours to talk. Hours that he could’ve spent writing a novel, dusting the living room, attending to his children, or stocking shelves at Sainsburys for an actual wage, instead he spends phoning me. I’m THAT irresistible.

Sure, I put him off a couple times, but we both knew we were selfish losers with less sense than God gave badgers.

IT was going to happen. I was going to respect the rules.

In November, we had a passionate reunion in London. Yes, we had sex – the first time I had slept with anyone since the end of my marriage. My nervousness soon evaporated and it was lovely. Mostly, we laughed and talked.

My nervousness evaporated as soon as I forgot his wife and two kids. It was lovely.

Leo never says anything negative about his wife.

She pays the bills.

He insists she is “a good person”, but they have been together since they were 16 and complacency has set in. He feels taken for granted, and they are no longer physically intimate.

And I believe a man who lies to his wife and makes up things for a living.

Any concerns that he wanted me just for sex soon dissolved.

I also have a divorce settlement. #totalpackage

Leo is an attractive and successful writer; if he was after a fling, he could have found one nearer his own part of the country, surely.

Surely I am the only other Other Woman. If he were just after a fling, he wouldn’t know how to flirt by Facebook, WhatsApp witticisms, or sidle up to single women at conferences. I feel secure in this relationship, 200 miles away from a guy I can’t call.

I don’t feel great about adultery. It isn’t sisterly – and Leo’s wife sounds nice. On the other hand, I don’t feel guilty. I haven’t met her, and he says she has repeatedly ignored his requests to go to couples therapy.

Leo’s wife sounds nice. In that cold, asexual corporate, won’t-go-to-therapy way.

I don’t feel great about adultery. I just laugh and call the sex lovely.

In winter and early spring, Leo and I enjoyed several rendezvous, weekends away, even four days in France. When we knew coronavirus was coming to the UK, we sneaked in a last tryst in the Lake District. It was very intense, very loving.

We endangered Leo’s wife and our children by fucking around during a pandemic.

It was very intense. Very loving. I’ll remember my furtive orgasms fondly when I’m in an iron lung.

We have talked several times about the future.

I’m sure he never does that with anyone else in his zip code.

Leo is the main carer for his teenage children, and from the start told me they were his priority. So we are planning a life together after his younger child leaves home, in about four years’ time.

Teenagers, who can vote, drive, reproduce, and hack the internet require his complete supervision.

He will leave his wife for me in four years. WHO WILL SAVE HIM FROM THIS TORMENT?

#Iamnothispriority #noFINEreally

This makes me respect and love him more. I can wait: I am busy with work, friends, my daughter.

And this giant vat of spackle. I respect a man who plots his wife’s abandonment for years, while enjoying her paycheck. Makes me love him more.

I know some people will roll their eyes, but Leo tells me his marriage is over and I have chosen to believe him. To critics, I would say: what would you do if you met the partner of your dreams, languishing in a marriage past its shelf life?

What would you do if you met the partner of your epiglottis languishing in a harpsichord of linguini?

(I’m sorry, the UBT appears to have broken down. Let me give it a whack.)

PAST ITS SHELF LIFE!

I AM 51, PEOPLE! DIVORCED! DESPERATE! PAST MY SHELF LIFE! Languishing! The only hope I have at affection and connection is flinging myself at self-published douchebags at literary festivals. There among the stacks of bad science fiction typeset in comic sans, Dr. Who cookbooks (it’s a tardis AND an appetizer!), and turgid memoirs, I FOUND LOVE. Is that so bad?

What would you do?

(Baskerville 10 pt., literary agent, burn the drafts out of mortification. Oh, I’m sorry, you weren’t asking me.)

He was a married, middle-aged man in a pilled sweater trying to get published with 700 other wannabes.

#swoon

#partnerofmydreams

These days, the only time we can talk on the phone is when Leo goes for a run – and there is a limit to the number of runs a person is allowed. But these daily conversations are a lifeline. He will stop somewhere quiet, panting from the exercise. After four weeks in lockdown, Leo tells me his relationship with his wife has deteriorated further. (I don’t take pleasure in this.) She is, understandably, anxious and needy. The kids have cabin fever. He is the chef and chief “cheerer-upper”, but this has become wearing.

She is anxious and needy. Whereas I am stalwart and faithful. It’s 5:42 p.m. GODDAMNIT. WHERE ARE YOU, LEO?!

Less burdened with family responsibility, I try to make him laugh, and it isn’t long before he makes me laugh, too. There is less intimacy (he is calling on a suburban street, after all). Instead we show our love through psychological support and fantasies about our eventual reunion. As for the virus, Leo is a healthy man in his late 40s. But I do worry; if he became ill, I have no idea how I would find out – except from the radio silence.

It’s impossible that he would ghost me, unless he had died. And then it would be like that Demi Moore thing where we’d make sweet, sweet pottery together.

I don’t know his landline number or his address;

Ours is a love for the ages. Is your name really “Leo”?

I have met only one of his male friends. If the very worst happened, I would be that mysterious woman you see in the movies, lurking at the back of a graveyard with big sunglasses and a black trenchcoat. (This is what happens when a person with an overactive imagination goes into lockdown.)

This is what happens when a person imagines they are a character in a movie and not an actual narcissistic asshole conspiring against innocents and endangering everyone’s health.

The toughest thing is the sense of powerlessness that comes with most of our communication flowing only one way. Anxiety aside, I am an impatient person who doesn’t enjoy waiting.

#just4years

Today, when Leo finally calls just before 6 pm, any irritation evaporates – partly in relief, partly in empathy.

A kibble! Whatever shred of dignity I had left evaporates.

The question is: do I want to keep putting myself through this? And who knows how things will be when we get back to normal. My philosophy is this: if things don’t work out between us, I will be very upset, but not destroyed. My corona affair has taught me that I can love again after a horrible marriage breakup – and be loved again in return.

And that’s the important thing. Me. My personal lesson about how lovable I am.

****

Send jigsaw puzzles and lebkuchen. I think the UBT has expired.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Oh I love this. Thank you so much. I can just see Leo the Guardianista in his pilled sweater. I bet his teeth are like Austin Powers’.

    (Now now Lola, it’s not about looks).

    Thank you for a good laugh out loud this morning! She sounds like she’s been reading too much Esther Perel.

    But really – I feel sorry for her. There’s a sad, lonely, washed up lady right there, whose life is way more boring and unfulfilling than it needs to be.

    She’s in the prime of her life, she could be doing good for countless others – making real changes to a naughty world. With a trusty dog, some really good friends, and a really comfy bed, and she could lie in on Saturday mornings and eat bacon and read the Guardian for as long as she liked.

    But instead she thinks she’s a character in a Richard Curtis movie. Probably Leo would be played by Bill Nighy, and she would be played by Emma Thompson. I can see that Dr Who lady playing Leo’s long-suffering wife. Probably a small role for Hugh Grant as our heroine’s amusing gay best friend.

    Man oh man.

    • God Lola I love you. Almost as much as Chump Lady.

      That UBT was SO pant-wettingly funny that I actually think a good-hearted chump made up the letter, just so the UBT could deconstruct it for CN’s lockdown amusement.

      But please don’t cast Emma Thompson as the ridiculous Noble Star-Crossed Writer. She has to be Leo’s wife, obviously after she nailed it in Love Actually, after she opens the Joni Mitchell CD from the cheating Alan Ryckman and takes herself up to the bedroom to totally fall apart.

      Every time I watch her swallow her tears and pop her broken heart in her pocket, along with a clean hanky, then cheerily get the family off to the school performance … it breaks me up. God, such a metaphor for my life as a Chump, and I didn’t even know he was leading a double life for over ten years. I just knew he was cruel, and I was miserable and exhausted.

      CN, other nominations for Ms IDon’tFeelGreatAboutAdulteryButAmPastMyUseBy?

      • Mama, I sobbed the first time I saw that Love Actually scene with Emma Thompson. Mirror of my life 15-20 years ago. It still brings me to tears, but I do love that movie. Lola, the Austin Powers reference~hahahahah. I howled. Thanks for a great laugh; truly the best tonic. Hugs gals:)

  • Poor Leo, I feel so sorry for him. No wonder he is out of breath when talking to Anonymous! She is lucky he has time to call her at all. He is being kept pretty busy juggling all the surreptitious calls he has to make while keeping his wife in the dark and his various paramours on a string in some sort of orderly fashion so they remain unaware of each other’s existence. Oh yes, and heroically singlehandedly keeping his family fed and cheered up. AND goodlooking AND a successful writer. The man’s a dynamo!

    • Until he starts getting all the names and conversation lines mixed up. Then he will turn into Basil ( John Cleese) from Faulty Towers. 😄

    • I think Leo is being held hostage by his horrible wife and the OW should get dressed up as SuperOW and rescue poor Leo. How unfair life is….amazing how amazing people like Leo and OW can’t have the love they deserve.

  • My ex told me how bad his girlfriend was feeling for breaking up our 25 year marriage. He suggested I should be nice to her so she doesn’t feel bad. Perhaps I should have sent her a big bouquet of flowers with a note that said,

    “I know fucking my husband must be really hard for you. It must be hard for you to think about my daughter losing her father, how hard it must be that he won’t pay child support, how hard it is for you to eat all those dinners and drink all those cocktails I’m paying for. It was probably really hard when he took you on a holiday to a fancy house on my birthday. That must be shit for you! What can I do to help?”

    Signed, The Chump Who Funds All The Wining and Dining You Are Enjoying While I Get Gaslit, Lied To And Sit Here Alone Doing Dishes xoxoxo

    P.S. Please don’t spend any more time feeling bad while you enjoy my husband and ruin my life. I’ll be fine at home here with our daughter, mowing the lawn. Have fun!!!

    • Ditto! I’m ending a 25-year marriage. The divorce still isn’t final, and they are still seeing each other. I feel like I’m at the bottom of an abyss, and I’m supposed to feel sorry for her??? Waiting for karma to arrive.

      • Stay strong Book and Dog Lover. I remember that abyss well when my 25 year marriage imploded. It will get better, and you’ll smile again. I’m 2.5 years out from my divorce. I found CL halfway through the divorce process and reading it gave me much needed strength to finally let go and stop the pick me dancing. You’re a beautiful person.

      • Hang on ladies! 25 year marriage here too. XH still lives with much younger AP, whom he put through 4 years of graduate school. $$$. I got everything in the divorce but had to go through trial. XH has been cheating on her for years… even has an active Bumble account with a lot of lies (my girlfriend saw it). Our grown kids HATE AP and rarely see their Dad because she fights with XH and them. Apparently things are miserable in their home. AP finally graduated and has her first professional job and her own income. I suspect that change will come soon but really could care less… they are disgusting. Narcissists, XH maybe even a sociopath. I was conned. Good riddance!

    • Never fails to amuse me how these dopes do not see the absurdity like your husband telling you to be nice to his mistress as she is feeling really bad right now about breaking up the marriage.

      Not that I know the entire situation but it could be mistress is having second thoughts, needs an exit strategy and using cheater’s marriage as an excuse as to why she must walk away. Cheater feels mistress pulling away and needs everyone to kiss her behind to make her feel good.

    • Hi I was in a 30 year marriage that ended when my 57 yo fuckwit ran off with a 40 year old single mom who is poverty stricken. I have good news for you, she dumped him shortly after the divorce when she realized that I made all the money and he was a stay at home do nothing unemployed Carpenter. I sold the beach house that they were cuddled up in because that was meant to be my retirement property and I sure as hell wasn’t letting him have it. He moved into a trailer with an open sewer. she found another mark and off she went. he was devastated-broke my heart…not. He quickly found another mark and is now living in mooching off her. our sons rarely speak to him much less see him – makes him sadz. In the mean time I’m learning to live my best life and it’s good. hugs to all you. Stay safe unhealthy

    • Oh, I can totally relate.

      I paid for expensive dinners out, weekend trips to Disney, a week in the Poconos, shopping sprees, lingerie subscriptions, I could go on.

      Now he married one of them and still expects me to subsidize him, by way of a custody grab. I wish he would just LEAVE ME ALONE.

    • I got that one too. “She feels just terrible about it, just terrible!” Okaaaaaaay! The thing that makes me smile though is thinking about how she felt when she discovered exactly how broke he was. Or thinking about how he will feel when he discovers that he is a cuckhold. 🤣

  • This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long while. Perfect to read at 3:50 am while I’m writing email drafts I’ll never send to Fuckwit and his Schmoops after he lectured me because how dare I object to my daughter going to Chez Fuckwit after all the lying he’s done when OF COURSE he will stay isolated and keep her safe. Upon daughter’s return, I find out that not only was she not isolated, but Schmoops come over with her small children to meet my daughter twice, knowing full well I came down with a terrible respiratory illness the day after she left my home for his, but also that has lupus (underlying condition) AND had surgery days later! So if my daughter carried the virus or whatever I had, she spread it to a whole new family who could then spread it further, including to more health care workers!!

    “Entitlement In The Time Of Cholera” by Gabriel Garcia Meeeeeee.

    I would pay a lot of lebkuchen for a succinct email I could send to both those idiots to tell them they may not endanger my daughter or other strangers like that

    But no contact is best because they, like the ridiculous OW in the Guardian obviously don’t actually care who else gets hurt. Right? Tell me that’s right.

    • You’re right. They don’t care about anything but their own sense of entitlement. Even when it literally endangers lives. Unreal.

      • What shocks me about this letter isn’t the entitlement, it’s the utter lack of self-worth. Affair partners somehow think they’ve won a prize. They really don’t understand how disposable they are. Delusional! Toddlers have a better grasp of reality than this.

    • My succinct email was written by my daughter’s pediatrician. Therefore, my daughter has been sheltering in place with me and visitation has been suspended until the order is lifted.

  • Ah the my marriage is over I just haven’t told my wife excuse .
    As you can see Leo respects his wife he says she’s a good person but poor Leo is so downtrodden he is chief cook and bottle washer but won’t leave for at least another 4 years poor Leo how will he cope in that god awful environment for 4 years !! What a hero

    I’m betting this is not Leo’s first rodeo and he’s told a string of desperate losers his marriage is over just wait for me and she believes it what an idiot .

    • How did he wash bottles, take care of the kids and needy wife and prioritise children those 4 days in France?

      • So…reasons for publishing this tawdry tale are lacking, so I’ll offer my speculation.
        I think OW is broadcasting JUST ENOUGH information – cities of origin, stay-at-home writer w 2 teenage offspring, month of writer’s conference, corporate wife, France, time of phone calls, probably even Leo’s real name – in the desperate OW fantasy that his wife or someone she knows will alert her so that she can speed up that 4-year timeline.
        She did say that she is not patient.
        FWIW

  • You are my hero!! Instead of simply saying she was a selfish idiotic twat who couldn’t see the mile wide holes in Dinkellberry’s pathetic sob story about his marriage you wrote an entire comedic gem on some hard truth, lunny lady needs to hear.

  • Lord, this was funny! While I was marveling at the level of selfishness and evil, I realized this must be what it’s like to feel meh… You know, marveling, not seething. It is so unbelievable, though, that people twist this stuff into their TRUTH.

    I also liked the pilled sweater description. I will be adding this to another descriptor I found here, pretentious academic.
    Maybe. Hey, it’s not like I am a sweater comb owning pretentious academic!
    Lead ins like that are online dating gold!

  • Your response to this delusional rationalizer was spot on

    Everything my stained and pilled sweater wearing self proclaimed misguided family man told all of his OW about me and about us was a lie from top to bottom.

    Liars lie. Cheaters cheat. It’s an equal opportunity character trait for spouses and OW.

  • “Leo and I enjoyed several rendezvous, weekends away, even four days in France.”

    Because Leo prioritizes his kids sooooo much.

    • FYI, yes, seems to be quite common, Ex went on long Hawaiian vacations, staying in the most expensive resorts, had no problem taking AP and her son on long weekend getaways but never did anything with our son besides take him to lunch occasionally.

  • Thanks Chump Lady for being a shining light in what can sometimes be a disordered world. My message to this woman is get out. Now. Where is your self esteem? 4 years? She is delusional. Consider their character. If they will do it to someone else they will do it to you. Looking at someone’s overall character, if there is an issue in one area, the odds are there will be other problems.

    I was conditioned in my childhood to be unreasonably compassionate to bad people, and I experienced some bad life events as a result. My knowledge has come from a long and bitter road, I am the unfortunate veteran as a result of multiple bad relationships. The first time they exhibit bad character get out. That’s who they are. They won’t change.

    My picker was broken, but I’m trying to fix it and I wish I knew what I know now when I was younger, but as that’s not possible, I hope other people can learn from my experience. Absolutely judge their character, that’s what psychologically healthy people do. Don’t believe the bullshit. It wasn’t a mistake, that’s the real them.

    I am genuinely unfortunately deeply compassionate, and I could not comment on a thread to do with someone asking about a potential bipolar partner at the time (comments closed), but with my personal experience of this I would say if it is untreated, by all means be compassionate, but if the person does not want treatment (and I get the reasons why) please consider the effect on your children, if they see you tolerating and sticking around enabling bad behaviour, that’s what they will learn is ok in a relationship. Is that what you want for them?

    • “I was conditioned in my childhood to be unreasonably compassionate to bad people, and I experienced some bad life events as a result.”

      A very eloquent nutshell.

      • Yes! I got chills reading this. Superchump, that one line sums up my entire relational life and puts some perspective on the bitter lesson I still need to learn.

      • I actually took a screenshot of this sentence while reading the comment. I add a lot of such gems from CL and CN to my healing journal (a notebook where I write down my prayers, affirmations and such).

    • You have really hit the nail on the head. I was brought up to accept and apologize for the bad behavior of others. This extends to making excuses for basically good people who make a seemingly unending stream of bad life choices. I was taught to never call anybody out on their bullshit.

  • Lebkuchen… the cookies of life…
    Wait! What?! You have Lebkuchen in April??! We only get those at Christmas!
    Thanks CL & CN for this morning’s strength to make another baby step towards Meh.

    • UX – your intellect and wit is hillarious!
      Methinks your IQ must be very high – I’ve heard this is often the case with comedians. Thanks for all the laughs!

        • Update: They replied and essentially explained that they don’t open all content to comments due to lack of moderation staff. I replied and stated that while protecting other readers, I believe, by just leaving this out there, they are neglecting their duty of protection towards the family involved. As a previous comment suggested, I too, can’t help but feel she’s putting this out there to speed up the timeline. I also added that I see their quick trip before lockdown as domestic abuse. We’ll see what happens…

          • GermanChump –
            Good call about the tryst before lockdown being domestic abuse. I congratulate you on your attempt to educate the editor. I wish the publisher would see the opportunity before them to challenge this chickenshit anonymous OW. That wasn’t news. It was self-rationalizing trash. “News”?

            • I agree… The Guardian is sadly full of ‘lifestyle’ articles like this which casually mention cheating as a ‘normal’ coping mechanism for all sorts of situations… they average at least one article a week like that. Or cheerful polyamory articles (fine) masking some kind of cheating (not fine). As such, the paper accurately reflects the attitude of my Guardian-loving cheater – woke supporter of women, vehement and vocal hater of BoJo and Trump, and yet knowingly abuses the closest woman to him, psychologically (gas-lighting) and physically (STDs). A type of guy who is akin to a Jesus Cheater I feel in terms of hypocrisy!

              • One more random thing – I recommend After Life on Netflix, Ricky Gervais’s new show. I’m not sure his personal experience of cheating but there are two lovely jokes in the first two episodes taking cheaters to task – one questioning ‘sex addiction’ and a couple slating Kenneth Branagh, and bigging up Emma Thomson (Branagh famously cheated on Thomson with posh ditz Helena Bonham Carter and poor Thomson was left depressed for a year). Am enjoying it! x

  • ” After four weeks in lockdown, Leo tells me his relationship with his wife has deteriorated further. (I don’t take pleasure in this.) She is, understandably, anxious and needy. The kids have cabin fever. He is the chef and chief “cheerer-upper”, but this has become wearing.”

    Poor. Leo the chief “cheerer-upper” has the sadz. Now the wife is needy. Projection much?

    • The whole world is going through this pandemic but poor Leo, his wife is home and not the most fun, poor guy. Why can’t she be a ray of sunshine as she is stuck at home with her family and the economy collapses and people are dying? Why must Leo’s life be so hard?

      • ^^ Yes, this, exactly. Of all the excellent concepts popularized by CL, “sad sausage” best describes my cheating STBX. I evidently was not the “ray of light” she needed in the 2.5 weeks after her narcissistic mother died, while I was also taking care of our kids and managing the household while she fell apart (which I understood, and was willing to support!). So poor STBX had no choice but to fuck a stranger from a bar on her next research trip – literally, she later said she felt she had no choice – and turned that two-night stand into a long-distance affair very similar to what the Guardian author describes. STBX and her AP crooned to each other endlessly (I have it documented in a dump of WhatsApp texts between them) about how much light they were bringing to each other, while I continued dealing with the kids and house and made sure STBX had time and space to work and grieve her mother – while actually she was sexting her AP. I stayed up until 3am several nights in a row making a memorial video for her narc mother who was always a jerk to me, and then ended up in the emergency room at the end of the week, and STBX still jetted off for “research” the day after her mother’s memorial so that she could go fuck the AP in person again.

        Clearly, we spousal appliances suck at kibble dispensing in stressful times. Our cheating partners deserve Cake, even if remotely!

        • Sad sausage is A Thing here in Australia! My grandmother used to say it! It’s so perfect for many of our cheaters…

  • And that right there is why you don’t ever try to engage with the OW/OM… they are as delusional as the Cheater Fuckwit.

    Lawyering up and going no contact (which you can mostly do even with kids if you stop feeding them kibbles and stick only to kids and divorce related issues via email) is the path to truth and light.

    It takes a special kind of stupid to be an OW/OM… as we always say here… when the OW/OM becomes the new spouse, they’ve only opened up a new position for the cheater.

    • Well the OW in my case became the wife 14 weeks after my divorce .

      I’ve read the statistics ( if you believe them ) that affairs never lead to marriage but in my case and many others they do . The OW in my case got pregnant with my husband baby 11 weeks after he left me for her . So my ex had a baby and got married to her less than a year after leaving me .

      So sometimes ( well in my case ) that 2 will make it last and I can’t think my ex will cheat on her but I hope she cheats on him she’s now 30 and my ex is now 46 . I hope in a few years the stress of a toddler and him being almost 50 will tip her over the edge !! I live in hope anyway

      • Actually, statistics show that 90% of men don’t leave their spouses for mistresses.

        Hasn’t your husband left his ring on your doorstep? If so, not all is well on uplands and bunnies. Not surprising, having in mind 30/ 46.

        • Yes he did it last week or his new wife did

          I took a photo and put it on CL Reddit forum and most seem to think it was his new wife which is even weirder !!

          • He/She left you the wedding ring on your porch? So what’s the price of gold going for nowadays? Toilet paper is getting expensive.

      • Your EX will not change his character or habits just because he has a new marriage and child. If two cheaters marry, each knows the other will cheat. It’s like sitting on a ticking time bomb. Each one also knows the methods the other used to cheat.

        The honeymoon always ends at some point during a marriage. You either settle in to your changed world, and make the best of it by living as an adult, and acting responsibly, or you start casting about for a new fantasy partner. People who are addicted to “Special Love” are never satisfied with normal real life. It is not nearly as exciting to make dinner, and take out the trash, and go to work everyday, and pay bills, as it is to plan a getaway with your special lover. The marital funds used for these exploits, and the risks they take all amplify how special they are. They are selfish, live in the moment people, and anything they say about he future is pure fantasy. I also believe big age differences usually indicate that at least one of the partners does not accept the reality associated with their age.

        Chumps are generally hardworking caregivers, and they do not expect life to be rosy all the time. Cheaters cannot bear the burden of being a responsible adult. They are only concerned with Me Me Me, and the next shiny thing.

          • When I was young, I tended to like older boys because they acted more mature than boys my age. This is problematic for parents who have a mature 15 year old girl, who likes a 20 year old boy. He is ready for a lifestyle she is not old enough to live, and the 20 year old has to realize he cannot see her, no matter how attractive she is. This is not the case for a 20year old girl, and 25 year old boy. Timing.

            Years later, a 30 year old woman may be attracted to a 45 year old man because he is more settled, and often more financially secure. This may work for awhile. But what happens when he is 65 and she is 50? What happens if he is still attracted to 30 year old women, then?

            Age and health and financial interests have an impact on sexual relationships. The introduction of ED drugs may allow older men to function, at least for awhile, and they may seek out other partners, because the spouse may have become used to his ED. It is like giving an old man back one of his favorite childhood toys, and he really wants to play. He may disregard dangers and possible losses associated with his new game. If a 30 year old female starts playing with a 65 year old male, it is not “love” in my opinion, it generally has a material component.

            Lets go back to the 50 year old woman, who has grown used to the 65 year old man’s decline in sexual activity. She may not be ready to accept that either. She may seek outside interests, too. She may not have thought about this when she was 30, and she may not be interested in the adaptations needed to keep that part of the relationship going with the 65 year old. ED drugs are not miracle workers, and they have side effects that are not great.

            A big age difference means a different life view, different experience, different opinions on activities and politics. I will use myself as an example. Younger men may approach me, but they have no idea about the Viet Nam war’s impact on our country, or the importance of the Woman’s Liberation movement. They may not like the same music I do. They may be attracted to my good credit, savings, and the home I own. They may think I don’t know what a MILF is. They may think the package offers them many things they would like to have. I have to act in the same manner the 20 year old male has to react to the 15 year old female. They may look good on the outside, but they are not relationship material because of the age difference. I have to think the odds are against this working, and do the responsible thing — walk away.

            I realize all this involves generalizations, and there may be exceptions to my opinion Think about this, though, statistics are based on the analysis of a specific population to determine norms. If you go to Vegas, You may win a hand or two. But in the long run, the house wins. They know the odds are they will make the profit. That is why they run a successful business. They understand human weakness, and addiction. I choose to stay out of the casino, because that works for me. My gambling days are over.

            I may never have another relationship, but if I do, it will be with someone close to my age. That is one of my boundaries. You have to make your own choices, and live with the consequences of your choices. Determine your own motivations and odds.

      • Bless. Your ex is still the same shit. I know cheaters who marry OWOM it is true and they stay together but that is all in name. The subsequent kids are messed up being raised in the toxicity that is narc life.
        Eg johnny and June cash.
        Count your blessings.

      • My bestie’s XH left her for the mom of their daughter’s school friend. Both XH and OW pleaded with Bestie to understand that they are Twin Flames and Soulmates and that their union was divinely ordained. They married tried to convince Bestie and Daughter that XH and OW are a Real Family and so daughter should go live with them. She did visit and suffered relentless psychological abuse from OW (who – shocker! – is an overt psychopath) and Dad only enabled her abuse. Long story short, here we are 10 years later: XH is depressed and quasi-suicidal (at least that’s the excuse he gives daughter when telling her why he only texts her once a year), living alone, getting minimal visitation with he and OW’s 5yo son, and both Twin Flames have multiple Domestic Violence charges against them. Meanwhile, Bestie moved on and she and Daughter are thriving. It takes a while sometimes, but there is no such thing as a personality transplant. These psychos will always be who they are eventually, and the karma bus will pull into the station.

        • Ugh! Twin flames and soul mates. I heard that bullshit too. Glad your bestie and her daughter are doing well.

        • Oh my gosh….I actually laughed at loud about the domestic violence charges. Too funny, and I love love stories like this, because I know I have a tendency to think my x is going off into the sunset with his “true love”. Just found out his true love is stalking another man who makes more money….lol….can’t wait till x finds out. By then, I hope to be safely divorced, so I am not saying a THING about it, or talking about it.

          Let him find out the hard way….he is making such a mess of his life. Tuesday cannot get here soon enough.

    • You’re right – the OW/OM’s are as delusional and narcissistic as the cheaters. Cheater Playbook 101: “Our relationship has been dead for years. My wife doesn’t understand me – not like YOU do.” All these skanks seems to believe it and feel special. And they must have heard it from enough married men by now to know what a line it is.

      • My STBX’s affair partner (AP) actually believes she is psychic. (We are all women.) When STBX is mirroring me, she is intellectually rigorous and would laugh at anyone claiming psychic ability. But with AP, she indulged it: “oh, will you do a chart for me?” (I know exactly how screwed-up their relationship was, because I have a dump of WhatsApp texts between them for the last 7 weeks or so of their affair. It runs to 490+ pages.)

        I have never had the slightest interest in confronting AP, even in the beginning when I was shell-shocked, because I saw very quickly that AP is very, very disordered. Even STBX, who has had difficulty granting other obvious facts, was able to admit very early on that AP is a piece of work. One of the first things STBX told me about AP is that she would never be able to understand STBX’s academic work.

        But then, the whole point of affairs is to fuck strange, not to find a new life partner. I would imagine Cake is more delicious if one of the layers involves Delusion – the flavoring of fantasy! Those cheaters who actually try to make a life with their APs after divorcing their chumps are just trying to rationalize their cheating, investing in the Twu Wuv Narrative. Since they won’t be capable of real, mature love unless they invest a ton of time and effort into understanding their disorder, it doesn’t much matter to me whether they stay with their new partners or not. The point is that they will likely never experience real contentment and safety, either way.

        • Ha, other than that I was in a hetero relationship, I read this wondering if I had written it!

          OW in my case believed in ‘signs’ and pseudoscience that Ex not only made fun of previously but actually wrote about and campaigned against. Science is one of his core values. And he complained to me that she wasn’t that bright and he had to always ‘explain things from first principles’ to her, which was getting tiresome. He later said her intelligence was just “different” and ‘not as obvious at first.’ And her ‘spontaneity’ later became ‘possible impulse control problems.’

          But hey, they’re three years on now, just had a baby, and I’m grateful I’m not isolated anywhere near that mess.

  • Many affairs ONLY survive in some kind of logistical “lockdown,” some system of restrictions on the ability of the shmoopies to be together out in the world as a real couple. This usually means the marriage of one or both partners to chumps, but it can also mean workplace rules or a viral pandemic. The limits on time together, getting to know one another, and doing for one another artificially heighten the mystery and value of the relationship. That’s why so many affair relationships falter when the divorce comes through: free of the restrictions, reality sets in and the value disappears. Reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld where George loves dating a woman in prison and is aghast when she breaks out to be with him.

    • Excellent points, Nomar. My STBX very clearly wanted Cake, not a “real relationship” with her AP. (We are all women.) STBX tried and failed to convince AP, who lives hundreds of miles away, to accept a “secondary” status – as if this were a polyamorous arrangement, which it was not! – involving meeting up only every four to six weeks, with limited contact between trysts. AP, on the other hand, was certain that this was the real deal and became butthurt every time STBX would try to stifle communication – much like the Guardian writer. We all know very well that Leo is happy with his Cake eating and limited contact as it is, and may not ever choose to end it. He’s stringing his AP along until he can get his next fix.

      Most cheaters use both spouses and APs to get Cake, though of course I have no sympathy with APs who are fully aware that they are complicit in the abuse of others. It’s a different, more toxic, form of hopium they’re smoking.

      • You are right that we are all cake, though some lesser partners are only palatable in small portions. My cheating ex only wanted some APs occasionally because they were so selfish in the sack (oh the joys of what we hear in MC), but she wanted my income, my help with the kids, and coffee in bed every damn day.

    • Conversely, I predict that many furtive relationships that “flourished” during lockdown (with anxious waits, furtive cell phone calls, and clandestine blowjobs) will run out of steam when the world heals and the pandemic subsides.

  • Cheater must wait until youngest child is out of the house before they can be together. OMG that is so cliche. Cheater may leave his marriage but it won’t be for AP.

  • “I respect a man who plots his wife’s abandonment for years, while enjoying her paycheck”. THAT hit very close to home.

    • Yes, he said that he stayed with me because I was economically good for him. He later denied saying it, but it is etched in my mind.

    • Yep, I remember my Ex-h wanted to pay down some 0% credit card debt instead of planning first family vacation. Just wanted to keep me around for a lil longer since my paycheck was and continues to be much larger than his. At least I was able to take the kids on their first flight and we had an amazing vacation without him.

    • Yeah my ex was clearly out there looking so he could find someone before leaving me. In the meantime I raised our child, took care of things and managed our business. Fuckwits. They are toddlers.

  • Statistics aside cheaters obviously don’t value marriage, aren’t loyal, and it’s laughable to leave a loyal spouse for someone they know little about.
    Believe me when I say the bus has already arrived. I too made predictions however realized two cheaters are better suited because they lack a moral compass; only on that front are they equals.

    It’s been six years for me Karen. Toxic people coupled in a pandemic without shiny must be a living hell. Tuesday will come.

  • “My marriage is over” but he hasn’t bothered to tell his wife that.

    “Leo” (that is probably his star sign) is planning to leave his wife, in four years. But his wife does not know about that. In the meantime he is still sleeping with his wife (I would bet money on it).

    He will not leave his wife in four years. The affair probably won’t last that long but if it does, this OW is in for a shock because he won’t tell let alone leave his wife, since that would involve him having to move out and find a source of income that is not the wife.

    He is a classic 50 year old mid life crisis cheater, I would be shocked if this is Leo’s first affair — that is probably what he goes to these conferences for–to meet impressionable women who are easily wooed by him, at a place where no one knows him and it won’t get back to his wife. He is probably calling several women while he is on his runs. The OW here knows she can’t complain or make a fuss because if she does, Leo will stop calling (he doesn’t want hassle, he wants a nice ego handjob).

    This type of cheater always says their wife is “nice” but that the relationship has run its course. That way, they can come across as a nice guy, a caring guy, who is not REALLY cheating, he and his wife are just roommates, right? Right?

    Leo is living a fantasy, he does not want a daily reality with this OW, just a few exciting shags and right now some phone sex. He then goes home, takes a shower, and eats the dinner his wife prepared for him.

    Cliche after cliche. If his wife finds out, she should leave him.

    • “I would be shocked if this is Leo’s first affair — that is probably what he goes to these conferences for–”

      Yes, and it’s such a cliche David Lodge was able to follow “Changing Places” with two other such novels.

  • I laughed so hard when I got to the part wherein she doesn’t even know his address. She is building her life and future around this dude, and he won’t even tell her his ADDRESS? Hahaha!

    I find it ironic too that she assumes that his children just vanish in a cloud of vapor as soon as they turn 18. When the youngest goes off to college, he’ll be free… People are NEVER “free” of their children. The kids will ALWAYS be affected by a parent’s affair, even if they are grown and married themselves by the time it happens. Even assuming Leo did leave his wife when he said he would… can you imagine the trauma for the poor kid who just left for college and is trying to adjust to a new life and studies, and then hears that Dad just ran off with an AP?

    But of course, that isn’t even going to happen. The delusional woman here is the only one who seems to think Leo will ever leave his wife, unless the wife finds out and kicks him to the curb.

    • This was the same garbage my ex told Shrek. She waited for 2.5 years. I found out about the affair, kicked him out, and filed for divorce. He never intended on actually divorcing me. Oh he had every intention of “finding himself”, aka playing house, for 6 months. What Shrek didn’t know was that he also had every intention of coming back home with me none the wiser. Lucky for her, I discovered his secret life. She can have him. I wish i knew who his wife was, I’d tell her in a heart beat. Then, Ms. Anonymous could finally win her man by default and wifey could live a cheater free life.

      • An old friend of mine, who is one of four children, learned that her father had an affair on her mother and left to be with the OW. My friend was already an adult, married with two kids. It was the classic cheater who waited until the youngest was out of the house to leave.

        Never did he anticipate the fallout.

        He attempted to cover up the affair to bide his time to introduce the “new girlfriend” after a buffer period. Nobody bought it. In fact, more than 10 years later, not a single one of those four adult children speak to their father. Two got married without him in attendance. There are grandchildren he has never met. He hung on to the other woman and lost the respect of his children and grandchildren.

        I remember this man when in high school as I was friend’s with his daughter. He was my dream dad. An attractive, business man who was always well-dressed. Her mother was beautiful and they were a great looking couple, living in a gorgeous house with their four children. I thought my friend had the perfect family. He was always picking the kids up from school (he would drop me off in their mini-van), and I loved how much he asked the kids how their day went. My own dad abandoned my family some years before.

        They were the perfect Catholic family who always sat in the same pew at Church. All well-educated professionals. All talented – played instruments, star-athletes, honour-role students.

        It was a shock to learn what he had done. I couldn’t believe it. All these years later, the whole family continues to shun him for his betrayal because they were raised to be ethical, moral people, yet he failed to live up to it himself. He’s such a shame.

        Cheaters who wait for the children to be older and wiser to leave the marriage for an affair partner are often up for a very rude awakening.

    • She is also assuming that the children will accept her once “Leo” leaves. They are both likely to find out that the children take a very firm (and disapproving) view of “Leo’s” betrayal of their mother.

      Just saying.

      • Yes! My cheater thought that also–that the kids will just jump right on board and accept his new “happiness.” Nope, his kids won’t speak to him at ALL now. And they all are changing their last names to match mine.

        Cheaters are just flat-out delusional.

        • Same with my ex-wife. Our 3 children now have very little to do with her (particularly the two who are now adults). All 3 have made it quite clear to her that they were not “up for playing happy families” with her and her AP.

          The really funny bit, however, is that my ex-wife is now utterly paranoid that I’ll meet someone that the children might accept. 5 years on and I still haven’t actually got around to telling her that I’m not ready to date yet.

    • Right?? Reading back, it sounds like the affair has been going on since MAYBE the holidays.

      I’ve got news for her about ppl who make plans for life-long commitment 4 years from now after knowing you a couple months: they are psychopaths and they (rightly) think you’re an idiot.

  • Side car to the brilliance of the UBT and the horror fest that is this woman’s juvenile, narcissistic AP story: Their plans are all about a fantasy of what’s important for HIS kids and her OWN DAUGHTER is mentioned once, and only as a source of entertainment (one of the things with which she keeps “busy” while she waits for Leo the He-Ho over there), a throwaway comment that is the only time she mentions her OWN CHILD.

    UBT, you are my guru. ⭐

  • “These days, the only time we can talk on the phone is when Leo goes for a run – and there is a limit to the number of runs a person is allowed. But these daily conversations are a lifeline. He will stop somewhere quiet, panting from the exercise.”

    Of course he goes for a “run” and naturally, he is panting from the exercise too. He isn’t having sex with She Who Pays the Bills, or Gemma around the corner.

    Nope.

  • I cannot believe someone would actually write this tripe. No offense to tripe, I love menudo. Yeah, I’d be too embarrassed to put my name on this BS too if I wrote it. What’s even more amazing is some assclown actually published it.

  • Anyone else wondering what caused this nitwit’s divorce? Any chance she’s cheated before!?! How exciting it must be to sneak around someone else’s spouse instead of having to sneak around on her own. She certainly has the narrative down.

  • Chumplady, I had not seen McLean and Eakin’s store before. I love books, and I love jigsaw puzzles! And free shipping on orders over $50! I think I will be spending some stimulus money there later today. Thanks for all you do, and thanks for this link! I hope you and yours are safe and well, Sparky. PS this might be the only good to come out of the writers’ affair. 🙂

    • They have a great puzzle selection and Amazon seems to be sold out of most. It’s a great shop! And they’re super nice. They called me immediately when one puzzle was on back order. Who does that?!

      • Thank you for your clever wit and tough as nails approach! You and your site have given me strength and insight during these corona times where I also found out husband cheated with his ex(six years ago) which doesn’t matter if it were six MINUTES ago… he hasn’t mentioned the word “therapy” one time in his attempts to “apologize” over the past two weeks. Thank you for the email response it meant a TON. Sounds stupid but do you have a translator for all the acronyms used here? I’m the new girl and can figure out ones like OW but not all… thanks again and be well🌺!

        • Wow, Marsy Doats, thanks for that link! I hadn’t heard of this, I’m glad to know about it. Our mailman is already complaining about having to deliver toilet paper and other, extra packages. He’d really hate the world’s largest (or 2nd largest) jigsaw puzzle. He’s a good friend to the dog, though. Always has biscuits. The dog has an aira of longing and frustration that starts as soon as he spots the mail truck.

  • Almost 5 years ago I was in the middle of leaving XAss. I was the most depressed I had ever been my whole life. I had no self-esteem, convinced I was ugly, unwanted, a terrible person, unable to take care of myself, and that my life, for all intents and purposes was over. I was just going through the motions and doing the best I could for my 10 year old son and survive.

    I met a man in through a work contact. He was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen. I’ve never wanted a man more. And he looked at me like I was an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. He seemed to be an intelligent, forthright, honorable man. I thought his wife was a lucky woman. Nope.

    Did I mention he was married? With two kids? A pillar of his church community? He loved his wife….but was SO attracted to me?….It was devastating. Thoroughly destroyed what little regard I had left for the integrity and honesty of men. I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole on the end of a loading crane. Told him so repeatedly. Yet he still texted me to ‘be sure I was o.k.”

    I can understand how woman fall for this- desperately needing validation of their attractiveness/worth – BUT I also cannot understand why someone would choose this kind of emotional masochism. The GALL. He was attempting to get an emotionally vulnerable, still married woman to have an affair with him. (Potentially jeopardizing his marriage, his job, and his social standing.) He’ll never know how close he came to me calling his wife and forwarding the text messages. I think he lives for the thrill of the danger, is convinced that he will suffer no consequences for his behavior.

    These guys just think they are irresistible, infallible, and entitled. And I hope his fall from grace is a hard one….and somehow I hear about it.

    • God bless you for not falling into the bullshit. And thank you we need more women like you! How are you doing and feeling these days?

      • Thanks for asking Shann. I’ve almost made it to Meh. But I have to deal with X Ass who thinks that $71/mo for child support is too much, and it looks like I may have to take him back to court over custody in a few months too. Fun times! But other than dealing with a fuck whit, I really like where I am now. I am able to pay my bills, I have a great apt., my son and I have a lot of fun together, and I have the opportunity to advance in my job and therefore can see a day on the horizon when I can actually contemplate things like, a new (used) car and an actual vacation somewhere.

        Hope you have reached the fair city of Meh and are in a good place to ride out the storm we seem to be in now.

    • I am so sorry that happened to you! As a single woman in the workforce, I have met these guys often.

      There’s a whole stratum of middle aged married guys out there who think any single woman – especially a bit older – is desperate and vulnerable. Sometimes they’re right, so they approach it as a numbers game (like our friend Leo).

      The word you are looking for is ‘predator’. Being flirted with/hit on to by these men is no more a compliment than rape is. It’s your very vulnerability and low self esteem that attracts them like flies.

  • This is off-topic but can I just say something about the cartoon? It makes me laugh and disgusts me at the same time, as I imagine it was meant to do.
    However- the tighty whiteys on the elderly gentleman just take the cake! The perfect touch. I can’t describe it but I am in stitches.!!!

    • Today’s? Adultery was already super common when divorce was highly frowned on and middle and upper class women didn’t have careers of their own. It was just more hidden. Now people think they look great talking about ‘their happiness’ constantly.

      Selfish has always existed. The difference is what we DO when we discover it.

  • Being a party to conspiring against an unwitting person is the definition of low. They sugar coat their deception in the most sickening ways. You can understand why there used to be actual LAWS against this kind of behaviour.

  • Thank you for sharing this fairy taleish Letter. What a sick thought that this would could or should even be a great idea! These are the women out there creating more CHUMPS! A seemingly educated, well beyond the age of “knowing better”, “lady” (for lack of a better term). If you are writing to chumplady for advice on keeping your married man during corona… stick your head in the toilet for me and FLUSH then do it AGAIN. Then slap yourself as HARD as you can. I’ll stop there. Because “ladies” if you even think being with a married man will benefit you in ANY way- this is the LEAST you deserve. I don’t care what he “says” the situations is. You’re an asshole.
    Love to all my real ladies and thank you for the well written comments deciphering her fairy tale romance bullshit novel. Ughhhhh

  • There is so much that can be said, and so much has already been said in every way imaginable for this story as old as time. By now you would think the experiences of so many previous generations with regard to this seemingly never ending, tiresome cliché would have inoculated mankind with an enduring wisdom that secret affairs are the stuff of nightmares. Yet it seems the same tragedy is set on repeat like Groundhog Day in perpetuity.

    It defies logic that these idiots continue to appear in every society and repeat this sad saga of sex, lies and destroyed families. It’s incredible to me that these fuckwits can’t grasp the simple wisdom that a relationship based on secrecy is a relationship doomed, and affairs destroy families.

    Fuck! I’m so tired of it!!!

    • Funny. My serial cheating autogynophile heavily closeted woman abusing because mummy issues ex uses the name Leo too, on Swingers sites, fake social media accounts, gay saunas, and anywhere else he preys. Wonder if this clowns birthday also between July 22 and August 21. I’d bet money on it myself.

    • Exactly. The narcissism always whispers in their ear and tells them that they and their love is different and special, and it’s just the same old tired shtick.

    • Gratefully, the only thing I can think of that explains this is that it’s only in recent history with the invention of the Internet and smartphones that so many infidelity victims been able to come together to swap stories and compare notes and see the glaring similarities in all our tragic stories. I often think of the dire straits I would have been in before, pre-Internet, stumbling around with this load by myself, thinking I was alone and unique with what I was experiencing. Likewise, cheaters in the isolated fantasy world of their affair think they are so unique and oblivious to the detailed script they all follow. Now there are cheating accomplice forums where maybe they can at least realize that they are all the same. Getting connected, talking to each other, seeing patterns and similarities, and speaking out are the first steps toward the recognition of an identifiable condition and hopefully maybe someday will lead to changed attitudes.

      • The Internet made easier for fuckwits to keep in touch. Imagine an affair that started at a conference 40 years ago. The chances of ever seeing that person again or even pictures were 0. Now, Linkedin, more trips (how easy are they today?), Facebook, Messenger and the Hell we live in is basically backed up by all this. Plus, we are also bombarded by their mutual likes and pics together. By their families that once we thought were ours, too, posting pics of the new woman/man like u have never existed. It’s blow after blow after blow.

        I, too, cannot understand where do they find that all this destruction is worthy…..it’s not just for us, for them, too. My ex is basically living on an entry-level salary but he is a Super High executive. All his money is going for my kid’s expenses, my apt, my car. I am pretty, smart, compassionate. Took care of him like a King. But still, he chose to live in hell.

  • Funny how other woman just believe the cheater. How do you know who you are dealing with. Leo could be another “Dirty John” type of guy out on parole.

  • I drew a very firm line in the sand, but I still always hate it when I read only 10% of cheaters marry OW. Seems like my ex-hat and skankella took all the children to drive thru entertainment this weekend. Looks like they’re gearing up to make my kids play happy family. Gag.

  • CL and UBT – I laughed out loud. Thank you!
    Stupid Brit OW – thank you for spinning this selfish bullshit for us to pull apart and feast from. Good luck with your married boyfriend in 4 years

  • This reads like a troll. Almost too pat. I have read enough OW blogs to know they are delusional but this one just sounds like a college kid with too much time on his hands, although I know a couple of men who left once child support was over. If this is true then here in the South we say Bless her heart, and not mean one word.

  • I have several problems with this one. Firstly, the fairy puzzle doesn’ t have a zoom mode for closer looksees. Secondly, I find the author’s/pseud’s literary flourish throughout this jarring and amateurish. She’s been sucked in by a selfish, immature man who is lapping up the sympathy about having to stay at home, fanny about with the typewriter and throw pizza in the oven for the kids while his wife does the adulting. Open your eyes lady, and smell the midlife crisis on both of you. Leo will find someone closer to home and more convenient/less cost to meet and she’ll be left with a terribly bruised self-esteem that’s been temporarily propped up by this diversion. We get it whoever you are, you’ve been through a divorce and you have too much time on your hands and are feeling crappy, except from the thrill of power you have from thinking that someone would leave their partner of such a long, long time for you. No, wives never understand husbands, never see them for the underrated geniuses they are. Dude’s got too much time on his hands, and you’re his diversion. I bet her’s gaslighting his wife, picking fights with her to justify his shitty behaviour and going for a job, and this is who you respect. Enough blahing from me, but yeah the most telling thing here is that the comments are turned off.

  • Do these silly, selfish people not realise that they are being as manipulated and deceived as the abused wife?

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