Very few people react to betrayal with calm and clarity. We’re broadsided. Flattened. Confused. Most of us ran with the unicorn herd for awhile and tried to reconcile. Some are still working it out, either hanging in there to see if the remorse is real, or lining up the ducks in case it isn’t.
I’ve outlined why folks stay with cheaters before, but today I’m asking — what kept you there?
For myself, I’d say it was a big morass of disbelief (I still loved the jerk, it was 6 months after my wedding), hopium, not wanting the OW to “win” (cringe!), skein untangling (his, not mine), misdirected loyalty (failure is NOT an option!), and later Machiavellian attempts to “reconcile” while trying to get a post-nup. Every moment completely soul crushing. If I’d paid better attention, I would’ve seen from the start he wasn’t One Bit Sorry, despite his spasmodic “remorse.”
But my idiocy and his mindfuckery brought you Chump Lady. So, hey, it wasn’t a total loss.
So tell me chumps — what kept you stuck with a cheater?