Stay in Touch

Check out CL's Book

UBT: ‘My Life Is Rich and Full’…. That’s Why I’m Stalking You

Share on twitter
Share on facebook
Share on reddit
Share on whatsapp
Share on pinterest
Share on pocket
Share on print
Share on email

A bag of narcissist ego chowDear Chump Lady,

I got divorced several years ago, then remarried this last summer. I’m meh. Everything’s been great. I’ve been no contact for 3+ years… but then the other day my ex started following my current wife on Instagram (which she uses for her business) and she promptly sent me a screenshot. I probably shouldn’t have said anything, but BOUNDARIES… and I couldn’t help myself. So the ex responded to me then sent this NUTTY message to my wife. Maybe you can take a stab at UBT’ing it?

For reference, she left me for a 21-year-old co-worker in 2015 when she was 34 and working above him.

(I’ve changed my name here to “Huskies.”)

Me: Hey, I’m not sure what your angle is here, but it’s inappropriate to follow my wife. If you want to stalk my wife, that’s fine… just create a fake account and follow her since her profile is public. I wish you no ill will, but you shouldn’t be doing this. You chose to move on and I did the same.

Her: Hi Huskies, I don’t want to be in contact with you, though I understand why you reached-out this time. I’ve blocked this work email address that you’ve contacted me from going forward. I sent your wife some DMs on Instagram that I’m pasting here for your reference as well. I have no desire to stay in contact with her, either, and she has the choice to both not read my messages (since I do not follow her, it will go to her secondary inbox), and to block me from looking at her public profile. You and I both moved on to better things for ourselves, but I occasionally look around for anything she’s posted about Ruby (editor’s note: Huskies’ dog, formerly their dog) — I don’t follow Huskies wife, I don’t plan to, and it won’t happen again. Thanks for taking such good care of Ruby. Be well.

The DM:

Hi Huskies wife,

I’m reaching out for a couple of reasons — to share some background on why I followed you, say “thanks”, and to possibly give you some perspective from my end since we’ve never met. I completely understand if you don’t want this contact from me — I won’t continue reaching out to you after this series of messages, but I am taking the opportunity right now given the circumstances.

First, I apologize if my follow of your instagram account was disruptive or alarming — it was inadvertent, and I immediately unfollowed your account. I’m embarrassed that I fat-fingered that button, and that it subsequently solicited a response from Huskies. I have no desire to be in contact with him, or to follow you or him, covertly or otherwise. I just checked in to see photos of Ruby and nothing else, and I mean no offense to you by saying this — I just don’t find myself curious about what you guys are up to. Since your account is public, I have occasionally checked for photos of Ruby. If you are not comfortable with that you have the power to block me.

Second, thank you. It makes me happy to see the rich life that Ruby has with you as her dog-mom. It is clear that you love her and she gets to have all kinds of outdoor adventures that remind me of the ones that she and I had. As a fellow dog-lover with your own dogs you probably raised yourself, I hope you may understand my curiosity about Ruby even years later — she was the best companion to me during some of the best times, and also very tough times. It’s hard to forget her, she really was my “first born”. Huskies gets the credit for picking her out from the breeder ultimately — I wasn’t sure that she was THE puppy when we met her, as cute as she was she didn’t seem very interested in playing with us (btw, her name was Coconut since she was the lightest in the litter. We named her Ruby for the beach Husky proposed to me on, on the Olympic Peninsula). Of course, she was a great pick, she’s sweet, smart, goofy and athletic, and so loyal. I took her to all of her puppy classes, I took her to Magnuson, Mercer Island, Marymoor, and on every hike, and almost every errand. I took her to the vet, the groomer, and I managed the schedule with Ian for her walks. The vet called me a few weeks ago to tell me about her test results — I pointed them back to Huskies, they were embarrassed to have such outdated contact information.

I’m glad that she has you. Leaving Ruby was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, even if it was the right one for me at the time. I agonized for a long time that she must think I abandoned her, or that something happened to me. Unfortunately at that time, there was no perfect decision where both Huskies and I would get what we wanted – I would have kept her full time if that had been an option. Huskies wanted to share custody, but the fact that we would have to remain in contact to facilitate that was what led me to walk away. The verbal and emotional abuse and harassment inflicted upon me was too much to bear for me to stay in our marriage, let alone to coordinate passing the dog back/forth regularly and having to stay in communication or see him. I don’t share this to be pejorative – relationships are hard even when they’re good, let alone when they’re tanking and suffering a long, drawn-out ending where every emotional and material piece of your life is a bargaining chip. Huskies very likely feels that I abused him, too, in other ways. But, I want you to know this to give you the context on why I would have walked away from my adored pet yet still want to know that she’s ok, and maybe some insight into why I have no need to stay in contact with him.

It is hard to know what Huskies may have shared with you about me, and I assume it’s generally negative. There are multiple dimensions to every relationship — his experience and my own were very different, yet “true” and real to each of us. He is a good person at heart — I wouldn’t have ended-up married to him if he wasn’t. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we plan, but I’m inclined to believe that things worked out for the best here for all of us, as you wouldn’t have met and married him as a result. My life is rich and full, too, and I don’t harbor any ill will towards you or him. Seattle is still kind of small, and we might run into each other someday — I’d rather we are able to be respectful and kind, versus adversarial (or, painted as the Instagram-stalking obsessed ex-wife, in my case). I wish happiness and health for you both + your families, furry and otherwise.

***

I didn’t respond and have no plans to.

Huskies

Dear Huskies,

Holy triangulation Batman! Your ex is deranged. Kibble supply must be pretty hard-up at the ol’ cougar household.

I think if this happened to me, I’d swan about the house using her turns-of-phrase like, “Your COVID hair is so shaggy, you could be Hagrid’s stunt double. I don’t mean to be pejorative.”

What a fat-fingered piece of work she is.

The UBT is at your service.

Hi Huskies wife,

I’m reaching out for a couple of reasons — to share some background on why I followed you, say “thanks”, and to possibly give you some perspective from my end since we’ve never met. I completely understand if you don’t want this contact from me — I won’t continue reaching out to you after this series of messages, but I am taking the opportunity right now given the circumstances.

I completely understand if you don’t want contact from me. So here’s a 1300-word primer on me, my background, my perspective… me!

I’m taking the opportunity right now given the circumstances. That I created.

First, I apologize if my follow of your instagram account was disruptive or alarming — it was inadvertent, and I immediately unfollowed your account. I’m embarrassed that I fat-fingered that button, and that it subsequently solicited a response from Huskies.

Who knows the ways of fat fingers? They waggle unbidden. Do not be alarmed.

I have no desire to be in contact with him, or to follow you or him, covertly or otherwise.

And yet here we are. Damn you, fat fingers.

I just checked in to see photos of Ruby and nothing else, and I mean no offense to you by saying this — I just don’t find myself curious about what you guys are up to. Since your account is public, I have occasionally checked for photos of Ruby.

I am only there for the dog! Why must you photobomb Ruby with your drab, uninteresting life? I mean no offense to you by saying that you BORE me. I’m not curious about you, but I assume you’re 1300 words of curious about me. Which I’ve intuited from your utter silence. And Ruby’s eyes. Whose doggy winsomeness say, “Tell them more about your divorce.”

If you are not comfortable with that you have the power to block me.

It’s not what I did, it’s your reaction to it. You didn’t preemptively block me, so any fool thing I say is your fault!

Second, thank you. It makes me happy to see the rich life that Ruby has with you as her dog-mom.

I would like to thank the Academy for my magnanimity. It makes me happy to see me replaced in Ruby’s affections. By a fellow dog-mom. I was the FIRST dog-mom.

It is clear that you love her and she gets to have all kinds of outdoor adventures that remind me of the ones that she and I had.

So every time you’re on an outdoor adventure, remember, I WAS THERE FIRST. Loving Ruby… loving Husky. I pissed on that tree. Smell it? MINE.

As a fellow dog-lover with your own dogs you probably raised yourself, I hope you may understand my curiosity about Ruby even years later — she was the best companion to me during some of the best times, and also very tough times.

Ruby was there for me. The best companion. Until I ditched her for a 21-year-old co-worker. #goodtimes

It’s hard to forget her, she really was my “first born”.

And then the shiny wore off.

Huskies gets the credit for picking her out from the breeder ultimately — I wasn’t sure that she was THE puppy when we met her, as cute as she was she didn’t seem very interested in playing with us (btw, her name was Coconut since she was the lightest in the litter.

I wasn’t sure Huskies was THE one when I met him. Then I met another puppy in the litter who was more interested in playing with me. Life is like a box of puppies.

We named her Ruby for the beach Husky proposed to me on, on the Olympic Peninsula). Of course, she was a great pick, she’s sweet, smart, goofy and athletic, and so loyal. I took her to all of her puppy classes, I took her to Magnuson, Mercer Island, Marymoor, and on every hike, and almost every errand. I took her to the vet, the groomer, and I managed the schedule with Ian for her walks. The vet called me a few weeks ago to tell me about her test results — I pointed them back to Huskies, they were embarrassed to have such outdated contact information.

The vet was embarrassed by your incompetence. Everyone can see that I am the ONE, TRUE, RIGHTFUL OWNER OF RUBY (and Huskies.) I HAVE MARKED MY TERRITORY. BEHOLD MY STENCH at the beach! the Olympic peninsula! puppy classes! Magnuson! Mercer Island! Marymoor! I have pissed on EVERY HIKE AND EVERY ERRAND. I have pissed on Ian the Dog Walker!

Dog-mom Usurper! 

I’m glad that she has you. Leaving Ruby was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, even if it was the right one for me at the time. I agonized for a long time that she must think I abandoned her, or that something happened to me.

Abandoning Huskies though? Piece of cake.

Unfortunately at that time, there was no perfect decision where both Huskies and I would get what we wanted — I would have kept her full time if that had been an option. Huskies wanted to share custody, but the fact that we would have to remain in contact to facilitate that was what led me to walk away. The verbal and emotional abuse and harassment inflicted upon me was too much to bear for me to stay in our marriage, let alone to coordinate passing the dog back/forth regularly and having to stay in communication or see him. I don’t share this to be pejorative

The verbal and emotional abuse and harassment inflicted on me was what led me to walk away. Horrible, venomous words Huskies could never take back like “Why are you fucking a 21-year-old co-worker?! We’re married.” And “I want a divorce.” And “an equitable division of assets.”

The responsibility of caring for a pet when I had a 21-year-old was more than I could bear.

— relationships are hard even when they’re good, let alone when they’re tanking and suffering a long, drawn-out ending where every emotional and material piece of your life is a bargaining chip. Huskies very likely feels that I abused him, too, in other ways. But, I want you to know this to give you the context on why I would have walked away from my adored pet yet still want to know that she’s ok, and maybe some insight into why I have no need to stay in contact with him.

Let me prejudice you against your husband and call it “context.”

It is hard to know what Huskies may have shared with you about me, and I assume it’s generally negative. There are multiple dimensions to every relationship — his experience and my own were very different, yet “true” and real to each of us.

His truth is that I cheated on him. There are multiple dimensions to that truth. What’s real to Huskies, Ruby, Ian the Dog Walker, is not real to me.

And that’s what really matters. My splendidness.

He is a good person at heart — I wouldn’t have ended-up married to him if he wasn’t.

Here’s a kibble, fetch! He’s a good person — insofar as he relates to me.

Sometimes things don’t work out the way we plan, but I’m inclined to believe that things worked out for the best here for all of us, as you wouldn’t have met and married him as a result.

You owe me a debt of gratitude for cheating on Huskies!

My life is rich and full, too,

So full, I must stalk my ex-husband’s wife’s Instagram feed.

and I don’t harbor any ill will towards you or him. Seattle is still kind of small, and we might run into each other someday — I’d rather we are able to be respectful and kind, versus adversarial (or, painted as the Instagram-stalking obsessed ex-wife, in my case). I wish happiness and health for you both + your families, furry and otherwise.

Seattle is still kind of small. And I’ve pissed on all of it. Be respectful and kind. Don’t paint me as I actually am — an Instagram-stalking cheater ex-wife.

I wish happiness and health upon my verbally abusive, harassing, cruel ex and his dog mom substitute.

Don’t forget to update the vet contact info.

— Cruella

Share on twitter
Share on facebook
Share on reddit
Share on whatsapp
Share on pinterest
Share on pocket
Share on print
Share on email

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • OK she’s pissed (in the UK sense of the word meaning drunk). She’s drunk as a skunk!

    Delicious the bit where she feels after all this time she needs to get this bit in…. where she needs even your new wife to know how awful you were. She really make a fool of herself here.

    ‘The verbal and emotional abuse and harassment inflicted upon me was too much to bear for me to stay in our marriage, let alone to coordinate passing the dog back/forth regularly and having to stay in communication or see him. I don’t share this to be pejorative – relationships are hard even when they’re good, let alone when they’re tanking and suffering a long, drawn-out ending where every emotional and material piece of your life is a bargaining chip’

    What a lunatic.

    • Dudders, I immediately thought the same: Cruella was as drunk as a skunk when she wrote this.

      And I bet it is indeed because “Kibble supply must be pretty hard-up at the ol’ cougar household.”

      My son told me his cheating father lately has been ranting “I am going to reconcile with your mother”. This sent shivers of horror down my spine. I know he is broke.

      • Forgot to add: if he is broke, consequently his kibble supply from self-serving service holes must be zero

      • My ex is also ranting and raging a lot lately, according to my stepdaughter. His latest was due to married-howorker-OW-now-divorced-girlfriend-of-fuckwit (aka The Office Doorknob, or TOD, for short) didn’t follow his “specific orders” (he and my stepdaughter live in TOD’s house with her kids). Thank god she’s the one who has to quarantine with a fuckwit and not me. She made her bed, now she REALLY gets to lie in it! LOL 😀

  • WOW! She is a piece of crap…I mean work🙄. She would be the reason to carry a sidepiece, mace and a Bowie knife for protection. I would slap a nice restraining order on her to for stalking, since she clearly admits to it. That way when she jumps out of the bushes in the middle of the night and you mace her, call the cops and have her crazy ass arrested the full brunt of the law is enforced.

    • I’m glad I’m not the only one who got the “Shit, she might really hurt someone” vibe off of this.

      • Yeah….The next door smoochie harassed me, physically pushed me, would show me her fist like she was going to hit, stalk me, speed up to me in her car and then slam on the breaks like she was going to hit me, etc. It was unnerving! Then I learned she was physically beating my ex husband😳. Needless to say, he lost the kids until he left her….now he and the kids have a better relationship. Fast forward for a different relationship…and the 24 yr old suicidal nanny smoochie threatens to shoot me dead on social media, kill herself, hurt his two young boys, blow his life up, etc. By the way, he’s 51. Apparently, it’s tru wuv and they are engaged to get married…..I think he’s just scared shitless of her. 😂😂😂.

  • This part is textbook cheater spin . . .

    “The verbal and emotional abuse and harassment inflicted upon me . . .” = Facts is facts, because I say so. Abuse happened to me, and this cannot be disputed.

    “Huskies very likely feels that I abused him, too, in other ways . . .” = Feelings aren’t facts, because I say so. I didn’t actually abuse Huskies; he merely feels as though I did. I guess he’s entitled to those feelings, but don’t think for a moment it was any ‘actual’ abuse.

  • Instagram fat-fingering seems to be a thing eh? My abusive ex fat-fingered my instagram last fall. I was at work and my phone pinged, I looked down and saw “-Ex’s name- has started following you.” I screenshot it.

    I freaked out because I’m still scared of this man, and it was such a shock to the system seeing his name appear on my insta, “following” me. I was like wtf???? When I went to go block him, but then, he was gone. Wasn’t visible. I had a friend check to see if I was crazy and she said his Instagram still exists. That’s when I realized a HUGE flaw in the Instagram blocking function.

    In order to block someone, you have to go to their profile and tap the three dots up in the right hand corner and select the block option. Because you have to go to their profile first in order to do this, once someone blocks you, you can’t block them back because their profile will become invisible to you (you can block someone who’s blocked you on fb because it doesn’t require going to their profile to do so.)

    He blocked me on Instagram first four years ago (I had already blocked him on fb so I figured fine, one less thing I need to do.) And it’s been that way for the last four years. I hadn’t even thought about it. But here’s the loophole:

    Since you cannot block someone back once they’ve blocked you, they can unblock you, stalk your profile, and reblock you any time the want without you knowing at all. And that’s what he’d done. He had unblocked me, was stalking my profile, and WHOOPS, he fat-fingered the follow button. Then immediately unfollowed and reblocked.

    I freaked out a little more because I had this irrational fear of him ruining everything I have in my life now, and I had no idea if this was the first or 50th time he’d decided to stalk me. I panicked and made my profile private (It too, was a business account that I used for art commissions. You cannot make a business account private so I couldn’t accept commissions through Instagram once I did that.)

    I talked to my current man and he basically said if my ex tries to interfere with my life at all, he’d protect me.

    I’ve since re-opened my instagram for art business, but long-story short, the blocking function on Insta ain’t that great :/

  • Poor dear UBT, poor thing, so much bullshit, so many “I, Me, Mine”, so much cheater speak. How dare Huskies remarry, be happy, keep the dog? How dare he have a readily accessible wife I can spy on and attempt to torment with my cheater double speak. Something tells me this ain’t over. Block all this shit, Huskies. Block it and forget it.

  • Wow, I’m always floored by the cheaters ability to always present themselves in a good light (in their own minds) even when their behaviour has been heinous, it’s hard to catch unless you’ve been burned. What struck me is how she had to point out that the dog was named after the beach they got engaged on. Probably hoping the wife will think of that whenever she calls the dog. Good grief! Letters like this should always invoke gratitude that you’ve escaped from this insanity.

    • That was what struck me too. “Did I mention the Olympic Peninsula, which was where he proposed to me”. You know, the guy who was MINE first!!!!!

      • Yes, she is malicious, and attempting to poison the couple’s love for the pet (and each other). It’s deliberate.

  • Yeah… see, if she really just wanted to stalk her dog, she could have said so. “Sorry – I’ve been photostalking Ruby. She was a good dog and I do miss her. I understand if that makes you uncomfortable, and I won’t contact you further.”

    3 short sentences, and all the relevant information is communicated. Everything else? That’s all just “Pay attention to me and oh, btw, your husband is a jerk.”

    • I think the dog concern is fake, an excuse for contact, a play for relevance, and an effort at impression management. I’ve seen it many times with post break-up cheaters, a standard and hacky hoovering move. Also, I’m guessing that cheater is the type who never picked up the dog poop when she walked Ruby.

      • Agreed! Mine used my kid and pretended to be curious about her. Only thing is he couldn’t be bothered with her for the last 3 years we were together so a month after the end of the relationship – I am not really going to believe that you’ve suddenly had a change of interest/heart.

        I’m sure people’s reactions to our end included a comment or two to him “well, that must be hard on you to leave the kid you’ve been involved with for 5 years” so I think: IMPRESSION MGMT

    • So much this.

      CheaterX and I didn’t have children, but we did have 2 dogs and 2 cats. I spent lots of time and energy training the dogs. CheaterX liked the idea of dogs, but at the end of the day, all he wanted were pets that he could feed, let out the door, and that he could pet if they came around him. This isn’t good if your dogs are both high energy working breeds. Anyway, he got the cats and I got the dogs. I liked the cats a lot, but I was very confident that he would look after them well. I was considerably less confident that he’d do well by the dogs—not that he’d be mean to them, but more that he’d not address their very real needs for exercise and mental training.

      If he were posting cat pictures on Instagram, I might look at those pictures because I did like the cats a lot, but following him would be weird, and there is no way I would be accidentally fat-fingering a follow! (And I don’t look for him on Instagram. That would be too much like pain-shopping, and besides, last I heard about him, he’d gotten weirder over time).

      With respect to Huskie’s ex-wife, wow, she must be looking for kibbles in a huge way! That’s a lot of BS that boils down to “I like the dog, but hey! Look at me! I’m the superior dog mom! Oh, and I was also the superior wife until Huskie forced me to cheat!”

      Yep, the land of the cougar must not be quite as joyful.

      • “I like the dog, but hey! Look at me! I’m the superior dog mom! Oh, and I was also the superior wife until Huskie forced me to cheat!”

        Perfect summary of that letter!

  • Wow, it really is hard to say which is more gobsmacking about such cheaters: their ability to do such terrible things, or their inability to appreciate that the things they did are terrible.

    • If they fully understood how terrible the things they did were, they would never ever contact us again. The shame alone would keep them away! But alas, that is never the case.

      • I think they fully underderstand how terrible the things they did were. They in fact planned and executed them. And, precisely because they understand, they come back to torture us. They don’t have shame. Never did, never will.

  • Buddy, she did you such a great favor by leaving. Whew! Imagine having to listen to that kind of verbiage for the rest of your life. The great romance that she envisioned must have circled the drain before making it to the sewer. Your bad, selfish wife keeps putting happiness out there. How dare she!
    Mr. Huskie, your meh is driving her crazy so her finger got fat, but she got your attention. That’s what she wants.

    Wonder where the 21 year old is. No mention of him in the exchange.

      • Yep, telling Huskies new wife that she’ll always be ‘sloppy seconds’. Ah no, it is you that is extremely sloppy, cougar ex! That last bit about Seattle being a small place seems like a prelude to several incidents of bumping into each other. I’d say that things are quite to extremely unstable in Cougar’s life at the moment and I’d watch for escalation here.

    • Exactly what I was thinking as well. Narcs can never just walk away. Sadly, Huskies bit right into her bait by reacting instead of quietly blocking and denying her kibbles. Since Huskies dared to tell this Narc what to do, or rather not do, enter vindictive rage vomit. Every single word of that letter is calculated and designed to poison his wife’s mind and life.

      Please, no more kibbles for Narc ex. Proactively block her on absolutely everything on all accounts – yours, your wife’s, etc. Anything and everything you can think of. Just do it. No communication no matter what the provocation. Remember that good or bad, every response is fodder for these psychos and the only way to get rid of them for good is to starve them.

  • (Music by The Rolling Stones, lyrics by Huskies’ ex)

    Huskies picked you out, but you were mine
    We were family, and things were fine
    I must bid adieu
    Cuz I’ve got someone new
    He’s so fun, he’s twenty-one . . .

    Goodbye, Ruby Baby
    I chose Skippy over you
    You may think I’m selfish, maybe
    Still I’m gonna miss you

    Don’t question why I stalk your dad’s new wife
    It’s vital that she know about my life
    I don’t give a damn
    I’ll view her Instagram
    So I can bait, tri-ang-u-late . . .

    (refrain)

    • UX-

      Have you ever thought of making, like, I dunno a book or something with all your genius-level lyrical twists?

      The forward could just be a couple pages on how, after discovering the affair(s), chumps are forced to re-experience every song they’ve ever loved in a new, awful way…

      …and so you’re helping with fresh new lyrics to big classic rock hits

      Just a thought, because these are SO good

      • 🙂 Thanks so much FSWMA — as much as I relish your idea, these parodies don’t really hold up without the full context of the posts that inspire them. They go hand in hand.

        Truth be told, I’ve had a mini-fantasy that CL would devote a page on her website to these. Something like this, using today’s example:

        – Post Title/Link: UBT: ‘My Life Is Rich and Full’…. That’s Why I’m Stalking You’
        – Post Summary: Cheater stalks the chump’s new wife under the guise of checking up on the family dog, Ruby
        – [insert the song parody]

        (I have them all documented, if there’s ever a need for them along this line.)

  • I’m trying to imagine receiving this message. You can’t actually reason with this person and it would be so frustrating. Anything you say would be engagement with them and from that moment… you’ve lost the game (the one you didn’t know you were playing) I think huskies already conceded an own goal by mentioning the follow to her.

    Even blocking is a form of communication. Me personally, I’m so stubborn, I wouldn’t even give her the satisfaction of being blocked. (Wait, that’s a bit stupid, oh well)

    Yet can we really ignore all the annoying people and make the world better that way? Hmmm I’m not sure but she’s a super-duper idiot and in my mother’s words “there’s a lot of those about darling”

    • What.Is.This?????

      My God. I’m speechless….. she’s a complete wack job.

      On a side note, I frequent these dog parks mentioned. You just never know what those around you are going through.

      I feel like I need a shower after reading this crap.

    • Yep,
      When I was active on Facebook I got some requests to friend people. Some of them were not my favorites so I just ignored and the requests went away. That’s how Facebook gets you. There is a campaign that makes you feel guilty because someone wants you to be a friend. That is so subtle but it hooks people all the time. Just get her off of any social media you have and get on with your life.

  • Proving that the abuse continues even after the divorce. Just like my divorce lawyer sadly advised me.

    Why does the cheater continue to seek to punish us?

    • Because when they flounced, thinking that they were on to bigger and better things, they had no idea that they truly weren’t. Perhaps they expected the chump to cry after them forever, always secretly wanting them back. Then they move on, sometimes get married, but either way, just move forward and have a great life without cheater. And because chump is often/always the one in the relationship with all the executive life skills, they fall flat on their asses, but it’s too late, chump has seen the real them that their love, good intentions and kindness spackled over. So cheater resort to bitterness and snark, I didn’t want them anyway, I had them first, they weren’t that great etc. That’s what Huskies and his new wife are seeing here. All I can say is “Haaaaa!”

    • They are so deeply in the fog of “passion” for the AP that they don’t really see what a shitty person they are leaving us for, but still “no way I’ll admit I was wrong” and so they never get it and we end up healing and they still wants us to be all over them (how could we not? They are AMAZING!).
      They just can’t accept the fact that they are not amazing/made a mistake/need to improve and still wants us to “mother” tchem and have unconditional love for them like they are 3 year olds.

      • Either I was truly a shitty person or stbx gaslighted me into thinking I was. For arguments sake lets say I am a shitty person well we all know that unless you spend some significant time alone, contemplate what went wrong, heal, fix your picker you’ll more than likely end up in the same place you started from.

        One of stbx’s complaints about me was that I was too “needy” and I’ll own that. He gave our 19 year old son some examples of my “neediness” to justify leaving me (we didn’t know about the OW then). We’ve since gotten hints that the OW might be “needy” too. My 19 year old son said “she’s you version 2.0 but worse”.

        Now maybe she’s younger and prettier (the only thing she’d have on me) but seeing as he looks terrible I’m guessing she wasn’t worth losing his kids over.

  • Nope. Not curious about his new life/wife AT ALL. She is totally over him! Totally! Living the dream on Utopia Street, Blissville, Happyland, USA!

    Sweet smoking Jesus.

    I think the shortcut UBTranslation is to substitute “Huskies” everywhere it says “Ruby” to make the invisible ink with the true subtitles appear.

    The wingnut is strong with this one.

    In my own case, I was gobsmacked when my neighbor came over one night after dark, well after the XH had moved in with the Craigslist Sole Mate, to alert me that he had seen my XH cruising back and forth past the house and that he had come up the driveway and was watching us through the windows. Flashback to the Saturday afternoon that he left, he was sitting on our front steps. He told me he had to follow his heart, and then he stood up and just walked away from 27 years together, me and our daughter.

    I guess he didn’t find it.

    • I’m still haunted by the way my husband brutally walked out after 30 years together. Told me he needed to take care of himself for a change (I didn’t know about the OW then). He was all smiles and looking better than ever 9 months ago. Well rested, fit and tan. Big smile on his face, the world was his oyster.

      Now the kids say he looks sick, his house smells like cat piss and he eats nothing but meat patties. Wait…what??

  • Since I am permanently suspicious going forward in life, I am taking a wild guess that cheater ex is trying to cause a rift between Huskie and his new wife by supplying all of the personal info in an attempt to get in new wife’s head. Now the new wife is going to think of her when she calls the dog, takes the dog for walks etc. Maybe she will even doubt husband next time they have an argument or disagreement!

    Hopefully the new wife is a tough one, and smart enough to laugh this off.

    • Going into details of how Huskies proposed and how she was FIRST, very creepy. Oh and the bat shit crazy narrative of how their relationship didn’t work out, whoa. I agree she wants to cause a rift in their marriage. More than likely it did not work out with boytoy and in typical narc fashion she is seeking out the ex, new wife be damned.

  • Some people just have a need to constantly prattle on about themselves whatever the topic. Ex’s Schmoopie is kind of like that. My son once made the mistake of comparing her to a terrorist (he shouldn’t have done that but he was goaded into it). In her defensive diatribe she sent a series of texts on which I was copied (thanks ex for giving her my phone number) she expended I don’t know how many words in regards to her personal encounters with terrorism. In one experience she talked about a Muslim girl she knew in high school who died in the world trade center while helping a pregnant woman down the stairs. It might have been a heart wrenching story about the wonton cruelty of terrorism except that she just had to add this “She played the clarinet. She was usually first chair except when I was first chair because she practiced more but I had a better ear”. Never let a good opportunity to brag to waste.

    • Oh I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, but “she was usually first chair unless it was me”. That is just so funny!

    • Does your ex actually enjoy her?!!? He must be as nuts as she is. Someone should remind her that being first chair is not going to get her into the history books. She might be pleased to know that a bunch of strangers enjoyed a laugh at her. Anything for attention.

    • Yup, my cheater ex once gave me a long list of women he ‘could’ have had, but didn’t. They really are self absorbed and not 1000th as interesting as they think they are.

    • Sorry, thanks – just gave me the first bursting-out laugh of the day. Already thinking of using this schmoopies BS as technique to drive fuckwits insane. I think I might not have to check the mail for my copy of investigation and torture techniques every day after all. I’m no UX but I’m imagining an audio of these messages interluded with the theme song of Dino Train cartoon.

  • ME! ME! ME! LOOK AT ME! I’m so important to the dog but not enough to actually care about the dog to well care for the dog! WTF. Stalker wants kibbles and cake. It’s not the dog im after my pretty, it’s you my precious.

  • Did this woman actually say she left her husband because she didn’t want to have to share the dog?

  • What a cunt. She made sure she mentioned that the dog was named after the proposal location to make sure it was tainted for Huskies’ wife.

    • You know, dogs can always become accustomed to a new name over time. Ruby doesn’t work for you anymore? Move on to Scooby… or anything else. Think of how many pups go through rescue and learn to respond to a new name.

  • My XW has other people stalk my social media to make sure that I don’t say anything negative about her. My daughter told me this. She would have me charged me with slander. 🙄🙄🙄 My XW was/is searching all over social media for my wife’s profile. My kids have mentioned it to me inadvertently. My wife isn’t on social media. There is another woman with the same name who is single (same nationality) as my wife. So they think they have found her. It is funny if it wasn’t so sad. We have security cameras up because my XW isn’t above sneaking into our house. 😞😞😞

    The whole DM wasn’t about the dog. It was a smear campaign to try to control the narrative. To sow doubts. My XW tries that but uses my kids. Always trying to stir the pot. It’s funny that THEY can cheat and leave you BUT, god forbid, you move on and find happiness. Huskie made a mistake by replying. Live and learn.

  • This is why NC works. It perfectly communicates NOT INTERESTED. Husky et al should not have taken the bait.

    My x wife tried to elicit a response from me about two weeks ago after learning of my brothers heroin overdose death. Thanks guys for your condolences ( y’all know who you are) ❤️❤️❤️
    I’d some phone maintenance earlier deleting a slew of contacts I had never used. Somehow unbeknownst to me, she got a text and email through to me. I immediately deleted both without response. Like junk mail. Spam.

    She feigned concern then in the same breath asked for photos from our 12 year marriage. Definitely image management on her part because I’m positive she wanted to post them in response to a death in her family lineage. (Alas,…The search for kibble)

    The UBT hit me with a ‘clarity’ 2×4 today, specifically highlighting these idiots addiction to their own magnificence.

    I’m So glad Tracy taught me to speak cricket 🦗

    • Hopefully that’s how the ex wife responded. Not even a block just no response at all. Let ex wife wonder if the message was even received let alone read.

    • So true about the importance of abiding the “no contact” rule. It’s quite possible the ex-wife may have been stalking new wife with the hopes of receiving contact, getting out her narrative to new wife, letting her know she was first and couldn’t wait to tell her how Huskies proposed to her and they named the dog after the proposal site. I hope Huskies wife does not let this get to her and sees this disturbed woman for what she is…..a crazy guttersnipe.

  • Agree 100%

    This woman is a wack job extraordinaire. As if leaving and hurting him were not enough, she has to come back and try to taint the happiness that he has created. That is some pretty evil behavior../sociopathic or addict behavior also.

    Yes Marcus, Tracy teaching me to speak cricket is the best advice I ever got.

    Good riddance to this X. She did you a favor by leaving, she sounds mentally ill.

    That twenty-one year old will eventually mature and run for the hills I hope.

  • Perfect example to answer the social question, “Why can’t we all just be friends and get along?” It may sound like a good idea, in theory, especially if done “for the children.” However, it just doesn’t seem to work for most people. When you have children together, or in this case, pets, it may be impossible to be 100% no contact. There is a difference between practicing socially correct public manners, and putting up with intrusive crap. How do you treat strangers who start talking to you, and providing information you did not request, or have any interest in? Sometimes, you just have to say “Excuse me, I have an appointment, or I am meeting someone, and walk (run?) away. You do not have to respond to those who intrude upon your privacy.

    I remember the old days of landlines and answering machines. I had to train my mother not to answer the phone unless she wanted to talk to someone we knew with caller ID. If someone leaves a message, you could delete without an answer, or call back if you wanted the contact. I never wanted to talk to telemarketers, and most did not leave a message. Delete. Ignore. Freedom is not communicating with someone you don’t want to talk to. Viva Freedom!!!

  • The shiny has worn off the 21 year old’s knob.

    Nice the way she makes it clear that she is still more important to Huskies than his current wife. Also cheating – it’s no big deal except Huskies insists it was.

    What a piece of work.

    Remind yourself and your wife that she is the equivalent of radioactive Twinkies but not nearly as tasty or nutritious.

  • The first thing that struck me when reading her message was that she was scared shitless of being accused of harassment, got drunk and decided to self-justify her stupidity in following the wife’s Insta.

    While at it, she made a very clumsy attempt at shaming her ex for whatever he supposedly did wrong in the marriage. She must be so thick to think the next wife would take her seriously. Probably in her drunken reptilian state, she thought she was being clever. I’d bet she regretted messaging as soon as she sobered up. Ignore.

    • “I’d bet she regretted messaging as soon as she sobered up. Ignore.”

      Cheaters like this have no regret…..the only “regret” they have is they got caught cheating.

      My horrid STBXW, after I called her out with 100% proof, still denied the affair. Ultimately, she had to acknowledge (too much evidence) and I told her “you would never have told me about f*ckpuppy if I had not been intelligent enough to figure it out on my own….I would never have known why you suddenly wanted a divorce”

      She said, “I would have eventually have told you”. …..Yeah….right…..maybe after you got a good deal with the divorce.

      I believe that like I believe the rest of your shitty lies!

    • Oh dear….this is chumps projecting chumpy values to people who have no shame or remorse and aren’t even capable of that.

      No, she wasn’t drunk or afraid or anything such. What she did was vindictive, intentional, and completely calculated. Huskies dared to tell her off in a mistaken attempt to enforce boundaries. Every sentence of that letter is intended to hurt and poison his wife. It’s cold, calculated, and demented. The idea behind this is that next time his wife goes to x or y place, she won’t be able to help but think of this Narc psycho and what she was doing there before. Even mentioning the dog’s name – trying to hard to get under the new wife’s skin about it.

      People like this woman have no capacity for shame. All chumps really need to work hard at understanding this.

  • Dear heavens. Of all the egomaniacal word salads I’ve read in my time on CL, this is the most vomitous. I was cringing all the way to my toes, just reading this. I feel terribly sorry for the UBT. Do they even make pepto-bismol in large enough quantities for this??

  • I saw this post on Reddit and I am so, so glad it made it to the UBT.
    We really needed UBT’s spark notes to get through this monstrosity.
    IRL, I LOVE thicc books. I need something that can stop a door and cause serious harm to you if it was dropped on your head.
    But this instgram DM?
    It was too much.
    I needed UBT to tell me what was going on.

  • LOL, someone has too much time on her hands! Yikes. A simple “I was peeking at your page to check out my old dog, sorry if it freaked you out” would have sufficed.

    Anyway, this narrative that she struggled with the decision to ultimately not contest the dog going to her ex is a total BS angle. She didn’t want to have to deal with a dog. Besides, as she admits, this was her ex’s dog–he picked it out! He was sure he wanted it! Had a similar situation with my dog. Ex didn’t care much and seeing as how I was the one who wanted the dog and mostly the one who cared for and trained the dog, I assumed it wold go to me. She was an old dog with some special needs–he couldn’t be bothered. When the dog died of old age a couple years after our split, he made this big scene about his loss. Huh?! Ok buddy.

  • I love this. Remorse turned bat shit crazy! This is karma- she’s sad and lonely and misses not her dog, but her lovely husband that she abused. Bummer for her. Yay for Huskies!

  • I understand why cheaters do this but really? My husband leaves me after 30 years together for OW. Yeah we’re all devastated but okay fine you want to leave then leave. Pretend like I’m dead and leave me alone so I can heal.

    Our teens think you’re a terrible person so screw your impression management (yes asshole I told them about your whore). I don’t want your help, your presents, your advice, your helpful tips, your masks, your food, I don’t even want your stupid toilet paper, OMG stop….just stop. You’re NOT HELPING. Clearly the only person you care about is yourself because if you had one ounce of compassion for us you’d let us mourn in peace.

      • Condescending guilt offerings is what those are – poor little you ive got a better life. Barf. I’d return everything.

  • OMG! I love karma stories which this is to me. She can’t stand that you have moved on..yeah!! You show great restraint in not sending her a laugh emoji. However a few IG photos of the two of and Ruby playing and having fun And hugging would not be considered contact would it? She clearly is stalking both of you.

  • First time post but long term reader of Chumplady. I love the book and this website was a light in the darkness when I first discovered my ex’s double life, whilst I was looking after a 6 week old baby and older child. That was 4 years ago, I’m now divorced, moved house and training for a new career. I love this UBT! I almost can’t believe it’s real. Then I remembered that a friend recently sent me a screenshot of a Facebook message from my ex’s new partner ‘reaching out in these difficult times’. My friend has never met this person and knows why my marriage ended. They didn’t reply but we both thought it very odd to say the least!!

  • Holy shit! I couldn’t read that crap. I’d have deleted it after the first paragraph, blocked her in every way and worked with my WIFE to block her, not respond to her and to ignore her. The ex (cheater) did not deserve the attention – not even a message back. One thing this website has shown is that cheaters suck, they don’t change, and when things don’t go their way in one relationship they reach back in time to the person they “know” they can get attention from to recharge their ego before they go on the hunt again.

  • I’m curious how many times people have sent a link with the UBT’d message to the original writer. This would be a perfect one. Just send her the link … she deserves it so bad.

  • “Seattle is still kind of small”. Hmmm… She followed your wife so she could figure out where you get your coffee. WhAt a sUrpRIse SeeInG yOU hEre!

    Two more things.

    1/ She mentions that Ruby is called after your proposal location (read: named after her awesomeness), so your wife would be triggered by it daily. A cruel yet popular tactic of the cheater breed.
    2/ “…and [Ruby the dog was] so loyal”. lol srsly

  • If you are remarried, why are you still so hung up on your ex? Move on, love your new wife, forget about the ex who cheated on you. You should be happy being remarried and all, why is your past still an issue – why are you taking your past into your current marriage?

    Yes she’s crazy, but you shouldn’t respond, and don’t read her messages. Who cares. Move on.

  • >