The chump is absolutely gobsmacked by this (clearly, or they wouldn’t submit such nonsense to this blog).
Which got me thinking — why is this? Why does the cheater think that gee, if you only knew their fuckbuddy, you’d love them too? Sometimes they’re lucid enough to add the caveat “under different circumstances…” But often not. Usually, it’s some “sister wives” or queen bee fantasy. Everyone united around the centrality of awesomeness that is the cheater.
Let me posit some theories on why someone would say something so patently moronic.
1. All kibbles are good kibbles. It’s a pretty good look inside their wee, narcissistic noggins that they view you and their fuckbuddy in the same light. You like me! They like me! You both like ME! You have so much in common! Namely, ME! It’s all just kibbles to the cheater. You’re a kibble source, they’re a kibble source. You’re interchangeable really. And if either of you stops being a source, another source can be found.
2. They’re good because I said so. If the fuckbuddy is a bad person, then that reflects badly on the cheater. So let’s say they are a good person! A charming, benign kibble source. You’d like them, because you’re alike! (That was a compliment, did you miss that?) Narcissists think they deserve only special people because they’re so special themselves. To say you’re a lot like their Schmoopie is their weird way of telling you, hey, you’re one of the lucky chosen few, and don’t you want to keep your special place? (Cue the humiliating dance of “pick me.”)
3. The cheater is not very original. It may be in a very superficial way, you are similar to their affair partner. You both have big tits, or you’re both brunettes, or both had the same college major. The cheater may have a type. You’re being very narrow minded dwelling on the fact that you don’t share a penchant for fucking married people.
4. Us all being friends would be very ideal for cake eating. Until D-Day, apparently this fuckbuddy wasn’t someone that they were going to introduce you to. But now that you’re aware of their existence, hey, let’s just all be friends. Wouldn’t that be great? Don’t consider this person a threat — nah, they’re someone — if you just took the time to know them better — that could be a friend. The problem isn’t that the cheater is cheating on you — the problem is that you’re just looking at it all wrong.
Hope that explains it, chumps.
This column ran previously.