I am divorced from a shitbag who decided to have an affair with a married coworker. Yes, I know, I should have seen it coming. Not to mention I am positive I held some of his red flags for him while watching them wave in the wind. He probably needed both hands free to text his Twu Wuv. I am going on 2 wonderful blissful years of solitude in the land of Meh, which I never thought I would see. Unfortunately, I spent two years previous backpedaling, pick-me dancing, crying, and of course trying to untangle the skein of fuckedupness. It was all very ugly. Until I read your book, did I realize I needed to get a fucking grip.
So, once I found out about the affair, it was not pretty. I held out for a while (insert those two years), until I found out his new Shmoopie was pregnant, then I filed for divorce.
He was livid to say the least. (Still not sure why.) He drug his feet, avoided being served, etc. I had to catch him to have him served. I also filed for child support, to which he cussed me out inside of the courthouse, while waiting for paperwork. Who was I to take any of his money?!! I digress.
So, Schmoopie became pregnant, which was a total surprise as she did not tell anyone until she was around 6 months. (She left town.) Not to mention this was her second pregnancy with my now ex-husband. The first was a secret, in which she left the baby at the hospital under Daniel’s Law. Okay, so ex and I get divorced, they for some reason, unbeknownst to me, decide to get married a month later.
Continuing in my own life and trying to get off their rollercoaster, another month later I find Schmoopie’s mugshot while scrolling my news feed. She had been arrested for stealing over $100,000 by forgery and identity theft. Mind you, my ex-husband never said a word until confronted. I am not sure what land he is living in, even to this day. I admit, it was a bit insulting to be looked over as he picked this winner. Emphasis on the was, please. Case heard, Felony Probation sentence.
So, of course, they now are one with Lord. Church going, God-fearing Christians. That makes everything okay, right? The past is in the past! Anyway, my ex-husband and I have a child together who is around 7 years old. They have regular visits, overnights, etc. (This is after many heated arguments over his continuing the relationship and most importantly my child’s safety.) Things seem to be moving along and the past completely ignored. No one seemed to acknowledge my feelings about the situation, letting my child continue to be a part of Schmoopie’s life.
So, my child comes home one afternoon and is telling me a story about his visit. He slips up and refers to Schmoopie as Mama. My child quickly looks at my expression, only to find it cool and calm. I did not bat an eye. I said, “Oh, you call her Mama?” To which they replied yes. I said, “Okay, that’s nice! You’ve got two mommies that love you very much.”
Tracy, you have got to be fucking kidding me. Any normal situation I would have brushed it off into the wind. But this, THIS is downright insulting. Please guide me through this with your wonderful way with words. I have handled enough with these folks and my only question could be “what next?” when it comes to them.
Dear Original Mom,
Brushing it off was exactly what was called for. You don’t need to assist the Schmoopies with their impression management. Whatever possessed you? Let’s replay this scene.
So, my child comes home one afternoon and is telling me a story about his visit. He slips up and refers to Schmoopie as Mama. My child quickly looks at my expression, only to find it cool and calm.
Well done so far. Cool, bummer, wow.
I did not bat an eye. I said, “Oh, you call her Mama?” To which they replied yes.
By “they” I assume you mean Mr. and Mrs. Schmoopie?
I said, “Okay, that’s nice! You’ve got two mommies that love you very much.”
(Groan.) Listen, Mom, you can not go head-to-head with fuckwits on inauthenticity. It’s NOT nice. Those are not your true feelings. This is one situation where you can let the shit sandwich (child calls OW “mama”) drop, uneaten. You are NOT required to eat it with relish and pronounce it delicious to their faces.
I get it. You’re trying to be all, “You want to hurt me? I’m FINE with this! FINE! Johnny has two mommies who love him!” They wanted to see your hurt and revulsion and you tried to take the higher ground with Why This Isn’t a Disgusting Turn of Events, It’s Consciously Uncoupled Scrumptilicious!
You totally don’t want to shame your child for calling OW “Mama” or “Her Lord Highness of Identity Fraud” or “Roxie” or whatever they call her over there. Poor kid has enough on his plate. You can play it neutral and change the subject. What happens at Dad’s house stays at Dad’s house.
Unless that something is criminal. Which brings me to identity theft. THAT is the real flaming bag of dog poo in this story. The woman is a grifter! Someone who steals $100K — this isn’t her first rodeo. Absolutely protect yourself and your child on this front. It would freak me out no end that this woman has your child’s Social Security number and personal information.
Please look into credit reporting services, and freezing credit lines. Good tips here.
I would totally bring this to the attention of a lawyer and see if you can’t get full custody, or supervised visitation over him marrying a felon.
Things seem to be moving along and the past completely ignored. No one seemed to acknowledge my feelings about the situation, letting my child continue to be a part of Schmoopie’s life.
It’s not about your feelings. It’s about your child’s safety and your identity protection. They have court orders for these sorts of things.
Church-going, call me “mama”, is all impression management. I’m sorry your child has been pressed into service of their narrative. Your job is to be the sane parent. No one replaces you. The love your child feels for you is primal.
I can’t help but think OW/Mama doesn’t have more nefarious reasons for wanting a cozy relationship with your child and your ex. Your ex deserves all the consequences of her criminal enterprise. Your child does not.
Please talk to a lawyer today.