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Any Karma Stories?

Dear Chump Lady,

I know you say not to wait for the karma bus and I understand why you say that. But…..for a sister Chump who is having a real setback, could I ask you and CN to share some karma stories? I’m phoning a friend.

Trying to be,


Dear Hopeful,

As good chumpy people we’re not supposed to speak of karma because — as someone inevitably points out — was it our karma to be cheated on?

That said, we’re human and having been fucked over, it’s normal to long for justice. I just advise here to not put your life on hold waiting for it. Go build a new life.

No! I want a comeuppance story, Tracy! STAT!

Okay. Once Upon a Time a four-story tall tree fell on my ex’s house and crushed his BMW.

I refer to this tree as “The Tree of Karma.” I still lived in the same town with him back then. I was driving down the street (the former house was on a main thoroughfare) and saw the storm damage. A humungous tree down, hole in the roof, car damage. Probably an insurance nightmare.

I think that trees are wise and take the longview. This tree was plotting its demise. Maybe it missed me. (As long as I’m anthropomorphizing trees.) I did all the gardening after all. Anyway, I’d left. I didn’t own that property any more. The tree chose its moment and crashed to ground, trying to take out the house and the cheater’s prized sports sedan with it.

It was kinda beautiful. I felt a mix of gratitude to the universe with equal parts schadenfreude. It wasn’t terribly Meh of me.

Really though, the biggest punishment my cheater can endure is being him. He sucks. He goes through life knowing he’s destroyed everyone unfortunate enough to try and get close to him. He doesn’t care. That doesn’t fill me with righteous indignation anymore, that he doesn’t care. That’s who he is. A person who doesn’t give a shit about other people. Who can’t connect. Who lacks the human empathy chip.

He did care about a tree crushing his BMW though. Maybe trees are messengers from God. Who knows?

Chump Nation — you got any karma stories? Or encouraging words for living without it?

Ask Chump Lady

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  • Remember, you lived as the faithful spouse. They didn’t. That is something you have, and they never will. There is a reason cheaters lie to themselves (and others)… it is hard to live with the difficult truth of what they did otherwise. You CAN live with the truth as the faithful spouse. Glad I am not the cheater!

  • Karma. My cheating ex-wife (we were in a 25 year relationship) married her high school boyfriend 3 months after our divorce. I ate shit sandwiches morning, noon and night throughout our divorce and for the first year. It was all my fault, etc. I lost everything, but I maintained joint custody of the kids because that was the most important thing to me.

    I kept journals, recorded phone calls, and kept a log of how much time the kids spent with me versus her. After one year, I was able to prove I had them 85% of the time. I took her to court, and my child support payments went away. I was awarded temporary custody. And we got a Guardian ad Litem appointed to investigate our family.

    One year after that, the kids almost never see their mom. She misses visitations, she just got her visitation revoked, and I’ve got 2 lawyers, a GAL, and 3 counselors all watching events unfold in real-time. I’ve got an army of support. I’ve got the kids. And all she’s got to show for herself is 4 Jeeps and a Porsche. That’s how she chose to spend her divorce proceeds.

    Oh, and did I mention she’s still cheating on her new husband?

    Karma. It’s a bitch.

      • To make her new husband happy. He’d always wanted a Jeep but could never keep a job long enough to afford one.

        Good thing the ex-wife was given the kids’ college money so she could look after everything.

        • I love this story, Daddypants!
          Brilliantly played, btw, sir. You put in the work to win your kids’ time, love, & respect.

          It appears she traded in kids for cars: another apt metaphor. Cars depreciate the second you drive off the lot, putting miles on them, etc. Kids, on the other hand, …well, she’ll never know, will she? Those who relate more to things (and self) than people will never value the relationships with those we love like chumps do. Not only “Trust that they suck” (& they DO), it sucks to be them.
          Thanks for sharing your story.

      • I worked with a remodeling contractor who cheater with her electrician. She bought a new Corvette and they would drive off to Nevada to gamble, drink and play. Eventually, he got tired of her and went back to the mother of his children. She upped the gambling and drinking and her business correspondingly floundered. Her solution? Medicate by buying another new Corvette! But she had buyers remorse (and shame) and kept the $70k car in the garage.

    • That is wonderful! Kudos!

      You created the karma in that case. I did in mine as well. I got my ex to sign a “reconciliation” post-nup handing me all the assets and 60% of the income in the event we broke up. Moron is such a narc, he fell for it, believing I wanted him back. He obviously think he’s a real catch, the poor deluded fool. Then, to his dismay, I dropped him. I have a nice house and he has a shitty bachelor apartment and no schmoopie in sight. His dull personality and excessive flatulence likely insures there won’t be one anytime soon. Schmoopie was only interested in getting a sucker to do her bidding and in chumping her husband. She was not interested in my ex as a person at all. His friends are gone, too, since they were just using him as well. He can’t afford to buy them drinks and go on trips with them anymore, so he isn’t useful.

    • My cheating ex said he was choosing Schmoopie over me because she was higher in his profession and so influential that it would be professionally very bad for him if she turned against him, and that money was very important to him. But shortly after they moved in together and married, she lost her job and didn’t get another for two years! So he had to support them both. She also gained what looked like more than 100 pounds during that time, and he stopped appearing in social media pictures with her. Then as soon as she got another job, he took a different job on the other side of the country.

  • Well my Karma is what I make of it

    He now has a baby to support until he is at least 64 even if him and her last in this marriage . He’s never got any money so that should be interesting

    He’s now pushing a pink pram about with a screaming baby ( he’s been seen many times by my friend ) but he wouldn’t even walk to the shop before he would always take the car

    I got my share of the house he bought with her with marital money and he got less than 1/3 of what he demanded was his ( it wasn’t )

    His car is 14 years old and falling to bits but his new wife doesn’t work so there’s only his pay to buy everything he can’t get credit to buy a new car

    I kept the house / savings / pension / bought a brand new car as in never been driven . I’ve been on holiday with my friends to Barcelona / Paris / Kraków and Amsterdam and have an amazing circle of friends

    Not Karma as such but it makes me happy

    • It’s really pretty bad when your credit isn’t good enough to buy a car. Usually if you can fog a mirror you’re credit is good enough.

  • The karma bus ran over my cheater’s dick. Literally.

    It was shortly after D-Day– which resulted in the firing of my (now ex-) pastor husband (who had an affair with a fellow whore-pastor 15 years younger. He burned down our lives and in the process never broke contact w OW. There is more to the story including a long trip to Europe beforehand, but that’s for another day).

    Jesus cheater was at Beaver Island at a guy friend’s cabin. This friend had the habit of removing boards from his second floor deck so that snow could slide from the roof onto the ground below (not the deck).

    They drank.

    Jesus cheater stepped out onto the deck into thin air, straddled the remaining board, and broke his weiner.

    As we were in a half-assed wreckonciliation at the time, I can attest that his teeny dick was purple and he peed blood for days. He had resorted to using erectile dysfunction medication prior to the accident, but now he absolutely needed it.

    I now call him broken weiner because it was crooked (and, as always, tiny) from that day forward. I hope OW enjoys it up her filthy asshole (his preferred, unrelenting mode of sex starting around 40).

    • I’m going to embed this in your comment, because, like today and Trump, it is not polite to snark helplessly and have a lip curled in a certain way. The exact day our day our divorce was finalized, he got word he had Prostate Cancer and the entire thing had to come out.

  • I live with peace. I no longer carry her around in my head. I have new-found confidence in myself & I’m excited to live in a way I haven’t for decades.

    She’s still her.. or not.., I try not to think about her.

    There’s likely many Buddhist stories about carrying your enemy in your mind is like literally carrying them up a hill (or like a rock in your shoe). Totally butchering here, but perhaps you get it.

    Letting go and moving on is the path.

    • I let go long ago, but I would be lying if I said I haven’t enjoyed watching two cheaters screw up their lives. The interesting thing is that I somehow thought I had contributed to the chaos I experienced during those dark days. Given the gift of time, the universe has taught me that I had nothing to do with it.

      To me, Karma means what you do comes back to you- in some way or the other- and that has certainly proven to be true for X and the hypocritical Jesus cheater he screwed. Their lives are a mess because of their own conduct and thus, their Karma is being them.

  • 6 months after DDay, my cheater’s ho dumped him and married someone else. Not even the ho could stand him. So, no wife, no kids, no respect, no integrity and no ho who he blew up his life for.

  • You would think after four years, Karma would have been satisfied but that train keeps coming.
    Three of the best are a tree falling on the OW’s house, the FBI investigation and just last week receiving proof that he finally put the mortgage in his name. His payments are $400 higher a month. Which means not only more karma but more debt.

  • Oh I know I’m going to love this post. In one of the very early CL posts on karma, if I remember correctly, there were 850 comments! As for my ex, the first OW cheated on him after about 3 years and he was devastated. He then hooked back up with latest Schmoopie (they knew each other in school) and while she’s attractive she’s also batshit crazy. Can’t laugh at herself, mustn’t have anyone do anything except praise her and tell her how beautiful she is. My kids hate her. As my ex-MIL said to me one time – Attie she’s not like you AT ALL (and she meant it as a compliment). Schmoopie used to post on FB “oh it’s Monday morning – oh wait a minute, I forgot, I’m retired” (big happy face). 3 years later and despite his massive pension she had to go back to work and now works 12 hour days with 2 whole weeks vacation time per year (as opposed to 6 over here in Europe – which was what my ex was used to). So they can’t go anywhere because she doesn’t have the vacation time and he’s broke. AND he’s in training to become a school bus driver because he needs the money! Enjoy digging that bus out the Pennsylvania snow at 5 a.m. honey!

    • Attie, I haven’t been on this site in many months, but your posts used to always crack me up and still do!

  • None directly for my own cheater other than being who he is, but my sisters ex cheater married his OW, his younger ‘secretary’. This once alpha male is now reduced to going along with whatever she wants, to keep her from going psycho on him, yelling, and yes, kicking him once in front of the kids! She has done really weird things trying to emulate my sister and their former family. To creepy to go into here right now.

  • Karma came a calling for my cousin. After my ex dumped her. She started posting on Facebook that she was broke and needed money. Her car engine blew and she did not have the money for a new car. My ex used to repair her car for her. I was told that she was on the verge if losing her house. If it were anyone else I would emphasize with them. But, in her case she deserves whatever she is dealt. She sure did not care about me or my family. When she was sneaking around behind my back and taking money from my husband.

    • Wow. All these karma stories. It’s me who has the bad karma. My fuckwit left town for his dream job just after he got qualified. He met his new twu wuv & he’s happily sending me & my lawyer crazy by not accepting any settlement offer I make. My latest offer is for 46% much less than I would get if I went to court. But court means $100k & a 2 year wait for a court date.
      Meanwhile my car broke, my 2 cats died, I had to put my horse down, I lost my job, my son had seizures and was in life support (he’s better now) and my dog is just holding on to life. I’ve been hospitalised twice with suicidal thoughts. I’m barely holding on. He’s perfectly fine.

      • I’m so sorry. Please don’t give into the undertow. Rebuild. He cannot avoid divorce and a settlement forever. I’m wondering if you can’t go in front of a divorce master and represent yourself? You might come out ahead. And meanwhile, wouldn’t he be forced to pay temporary support? I’m not an attorney, but this sounds terribly unfair.

        • Thank you CL & everyone else for your kindness & empathy. It means such a lot right now.
          We’ve asked him to go to arbitration which I guess is similar to a divorce master which would give us a binding agreement without the expense & time of going to court & he refused. He also refused mediation. I don’t think we have anything in our family law act that allows spousal support but I’ll ask my lawyer. I have 4 weeks left in my job & despite numerous applications nothing on the horizon. He knows I’m unemployed as he put ‘unemployed’ as my occupation in the divorce papers I got served. Which hurt a lot as he knew it would. I think I’ll have to give notice at my rental house & go couch surfing until he gets bored. Trouble is the money from our property is in a lawyers trust account & I can’t access welfare payments because of it. So no income at all. I’ve never been in this position before and I’m terrified.

          • Fucking, *fucking* bastard. I hope the fucker rots in hell. I’m so sorry. xx

            My ex fuckwit did the same, he didn’t refuse mediation, he just ignored it, which came back to bite him in the arse, as I told you. I do so hope you get the same result. Because no matter what delaying tactics he’s playing out, eventually there will be a resolution, whether he likes it or not.

            Have you no family you could stay with, or borrow from? What about friends? Maybe a friend or two could lend you something to tide you over?

            Re the welfare situation, (if you don’t get a job before then) there is money in the account, isn’t there someway your lawyer could get some access for you, given you’ll be in such a situation? I take it you’re in Oz or NZ, is there *no* provision for people in your situation, you can’t be the only one!

            This is just so *bloody* unfair. I’m so sorry.

            But if worst comes to worst, and you have to couch surf for a while, grit your teeth and get through it, because it *will* come to a resolution eventually. Xx

            I wish you were in the UK, you could stay with me. ????

            • Aww thanks CNM. that’s really kind. It’s eye opening when your cheater not only is a cheater and a liar but a sociopath as well. But my psychologist warned me that he was some years back. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it.

              • Yup, mine got the house, our cottage and the kids, and I pay him support for one of the kids. But I would never, ever want to be his wife again. He is a low down, scum sucking POS who has fooled a lot of people. At the end I said I will live in a tent rather than live with his lying scheming ass. I ended up living with a relative for 9 months. Being away from their abuse is what counts. Things sort themselves out in time. If you have to be your own lawyer then do it. Don’t settle for too little. Couch surfing is worth it if you can get this settled.

          • Chumpdownunder, he is thinking since you went 46%, if he drags it on you agree to much less. Double down, ask for 75%. He isn’t going to play nice , no matter what your situation. Every time he balks, go higher. You can eat this shit sandwich knowing there will be an end. Taking his ass to the cleaners will be like putting a little ranch dressing on that sandwich.
            Start asking for help now, don’t wait. If there is no-one else who can help, start contacting churches, synagogues, women’s groups. Think outside the box. You got this. Kick ass

          • I was in a similar situation with the house proceeds in trust with a lawyer. My lawyer applied to the judge for a partial release of emergency funds for me. Even though ex got an equal share distributed to himself, at least I got what I needed to keep going. Please ask your counsel what is possible under these difficult circumstances. I wish you were here in the US, you could stay with me too! I wish you all the best.

          • Aww, Chumpdownunder, I am also sending great big hugs. I know it seems bleak right now, but believe me, things will get better. The biggest reason is that there will come a time when you will no longer have to deal with the colossal fuckwit at all. You will be free to move forward without a fw millstone around your neck. It makes a huge difference.

            I know this first hand. Within the span of 18 months, I lost my son, my home, all my pets and all my belongings save a very few. It as all due to the actions of cheater ex and his family. All I had was an old car and basically the clothes on my back. And a miracle stepped in as people rallied around me both when my son was killed, and when my house was burned. I was provided what I needed at the time and on an ongoing basis. I had to admit I was powerless over the situation and turn it over to Spirit, my name for my higher power.

            It’s funny, when I turn things over and let go, it opens the way for amazing things to happen. Admittedly, I have never turned over anything that didn’t have plenty of claw marks on it. But eventually it stays turned over, and good things happen. Not necessarily what I envisioned, but ultimately, something better. I think of it as building a foundation for a miracle.

            My prayers go with you, and I just know better times are ahead for you.

            • Thank you. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that heartbreak as well as the heartbreak of a cheater. So glad you had support and that it got better

      • I had a similar run of bad luck post dday too. It really messes you, I’m sorry you’re having such a rough go of it. But one bright spot was always knowing I had done my best in my marriage and he is scum. A woman I don’t know recently tracked me down hoping to get some answers from me regarding my ex. She is suing him for fraud. I didn’t respond to her inquiry as I have no interest in engaging with him in any way and didn’t want to jeopardize the divorce settlement but I sure hope she handed him his ass in court! Hang in there, Chump Down Under. XOXO

      • I am so sorry.

        Please read and reread what CL says.

        I will be thinking of you, and if you are ok with it; praying for you.

      • ChumpedDownUnder, sending huge hugs. Once the divorce is finalized things will get much better, I promise.

        • Chump Down Under, I’m so sorry, that is awful. ((hugs))

          But as CL says, hang in there, the fuckwit can’t avoid reality forever.

          My ex fuckwit did much the same, refusing to sign things, ignoring solicitor’s letters, refusing to complete his Form E, etc etc. It seemed to go on forever, and I was in despair at times.

          But eventually we got to Court, and I was awarded the lot, and he got an £800 barrister’s bill.

          I know it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, especially with all the sad stuff you’re having to go through, but it *will* come to an end at some point, and you’ll be free to move on and gain a life. Hugs to you. ????????????

        • Things that pull us under after leaving has been discussed before. The accumulation of confusion, high emotions, sadness, and fear that follows make things fell insurmountable for some of us. The good news is that eventually you realize they are normal things that happen as you live.
          The first year we left, my dad passed away, we had to put down our dog, I was at fault for a minor car accident, had so many car repairs between me and the kids that I’m surprised aaa still carries us, son had surgery, needed appliances replaced prepared for divorce and court, etc. I could keep listing issues. I cried. I drank. I was paralyzed at times. I went to therapy. I reconnected with family and friends because I was isolated.
          Within the past four years- I got divorced, my mom passed away, have a sweet rescue dog, need a roof, appliances need replacing which I can manage, my DD was driving my car and had an accident(she’s fine), still in therapy, the ex has filed against me and we’re scheduled for a four day trial next month so I’m back to prepping for that, Etc. I could keep listing here as well. The difference is now I have distance a perspective. This is normal stuff.
          We have a home free of abuse. We went from a house to a mobile home that we remodeled. The wealthy ex is still a disordered asshole who I know is blaming me for his misery while living with his dad waiting for his millions in inheritance. The kids are slowly moving out. DS uses his dad as an atm and recently said he has no soul ( they learn). DD changed her name and has had NC for years. The ex did call her on Father’s Day but not her birthday or holidays. Go figure. I get to plan and decide how I want to live my life. Karma sways in my direction as freedom. For those who barely holding on, dig in tighter and ask for help if needed.

      • Chumpdownunder, I can so relate and you are not alone. My American state is super fair and covert narcs that can lie well prosper. I cannot seem to divorce mine. Covid has made it worse.

        The narcs pity party has sold the court their sads.. .cannot push too hard or “you appear as the bad guy”

        Mine has alienated the older kids and working on the youngest one. I keep documentating facts and praying.

        Listen to CL. Your dissolution will come, sadly these fucked up control freaks don’t let go and may be longer than usual. Virtual hugs

      • Longtime reader (because this site saved my life) but not posting much since Tuesday. Your story reminded me of mine…at first.

        Divorced he never looked back (lost weight, got in shape, made new friends, blah blah blah).

        Two weeks post-divorce, I contracted a disease and then a terrible infection. Hospitalized three times – missed five months of work. Adult daughter in a downward, suicidal spiral. Trump elected. Mom died.

        My life as I knew it ended almost five years ago exactly (10-14-2015) and today I am typing from my own seaside home with views of the Puget Sound and a forest backyard with a puppy snoozing on my lap and a terrific job with a huge pay increase. I have great friends and a stronger connection with my brothers and daughter. I’ve traveled all over the place and taken classes with people I’ve admired for decades. I bought too many beautiful silk blouses on eBay and books are stacked everywhere. I have money in the bank and I own some power tools.

        I have long grey hair and I gained back the D-day forty. And a little more. I couldn’t have imagined this life…ever. Particularly after D-day.

        And the only thing I remember about my ex (for whom I contemplated suicide) and our twenty-year marriage is the day it ended.

        AND THIS WILL BE YOU TOO. I know it will. And it is remarkable and humbling and empowering.

        Keep coming back to Chumplady and this excellent community of humans.

      • I am so sorry to hear you are having a bad time. Please do not give into any dark thoughts. When I found out about my husband cheating with my cousin. I drank rum and took pills. No man is worth ending your life over.

      • I’m so very sorry for the loss of your animals and your kiddo’s illness. This isn’t “karma,” it’s just life. My cat died during the discard phase of my relationship and a few weeks before D-Day. Those losses make everything else seem worse.

        I have a suggestion. Stop offering. Anything. Make the next offer what you think is really fair (55%? 60%? whatever). And then…crickets. At least you won’t be running up lawyer bills making offers he refuses. Let HIM worry about what will happen if he goes to court.

        Meanwhile, make a plan for the two years. What do you need to do to get to some level of peace and happiness? I hope you read here every day. That will help. And make sure your therapist is up to the job of helping you find your way back?

        Sending big hugs for you, your kiddo and your pupper.

      • Chumpdownunder there are quite a few of us in Aus and I for one am more that happy to help where I can. Not sure how anonymous you want to be but there is a Facebook group or depending on where you are there are contacts with a chump in every state. I’m in SA and if you want to post back can see how to help even if it’s just a safe place to vent. My throwaway email is if you want to get in touch. Don’t throw away your one precious life on a fuckwit vampire who thinks they’ve sucked all the joy from you. He’s not accepting the $ because he thinks he can keep it all if you give in. The first few years are hard, the repayments on my home was 1/2 my pay whilst he took her on European holidays and bought new cars, they were a double income family. A decade down the track, I’m still here in my forever home, the kids are in Uni, doing well. Life is soo much better, I took myself off to NYC to celebrate my 50th, took the kids and my mum to Europe. I have an amazing network of true friends that I would never have had if fuckwit was still in my life, I’d be feeding his ego instead of doing what I want. As for truwuv, I heard a few months ago that pigface dumped him. Meh….

      • Yea, it seems when the shit starts, it always turns into a mega-cluster fuck. I left my ex (he was dating my ex-best friend), paid almost all of the debt we racked up, got a $146K tax bill, bought a townhouse that is falling apart, can’t drive because I can’t afford the insurance, couldn’t afford to go to a shrink, my good friend died of cancer, the list of shit does continue. The icing on the cake is that in pre-COVID times, I’d see him out at the clubs all over his new Schmoopie (we run in similar circles). I know at least prior to COVID, he went to Madagascar, London and California on my money
        However, my first ex-husband did have the karma bat whack him hard. He cheated on me and knocked up the other woman. They got married and had another kid. He found out that she had been sleeping with a bunch of musicians in their hone town. It took 20 years to get that revenge, but so worth the wait.
        Karma’s a bitch.

  • My post is a repeat but I think interesting to some. My 35 year marriage was destroyed by my ex husband and the OtherWhore. After finding out about his 2 year affair, I divorced him and he had to legally leave our marital home. The cruelty and humiliation was very intense but I feel Karma is real now.
    After he moved into the whores home 2 years later she was killed in a car accident. He quickly moved into another woman’s home where he is today. We have no communication whatsoever being he never apologized just walked out never looking back.
    My son just informed me he recently had colon cancer which they took care of but now he needs open heart surgery. When I had breast cancer years ago he was cold and uncaring. So I feel that Karma showed up in his life.
    But he’s not my problem anymore.

  • Hmm.

    Not sure if it’s karma, but I was awarded the whole proceeds of the sale of our home in the divorce settlement, plus all contents. He got an £800 barrister’s bill. ????????

    • So glad you got that. That seems reasonable to be given the suffering he caused.

      I would call that reaping what you sow, but I am not a big Karma believer. At least not as I understand it.

      I do believe in reaping what you sow, and in that sense my ex FW has done that. But, he has brought all of his woes down on himself, the universe didn’t do it. The only thing he suffered is a really bad heart attack, but to me that can happen to good and bad folks, so I don’t like to think of that as Karma or reaping…

      Having said all that, my guess is my ex FW and schmoopie are still going on blaming everyone else, and never once looking at the common denominator of most of their struggles.

  • About a year ago, when my ex told our three adult children about his multiyear affair, they immediately went NC. There’s one grandchild in the picture who was 6-months old on D-Day.

    My kids say their estrangement stems not only from the affair (which reveals a level of depravity, entitlement, and ability to lie that they can’t stomach), but also from the years of emotional abuse they’d endured (my albatross!). Little did my ex know he was hanging by the thinnest of threads even before the revelation. To this day he insists he was “a great dad.”

    Will they remain NC with him? I don’t know. It’ll be a year in less than a week. I’ve told them I don’t want to be an obstacle to their reconnecting with him. To my knowledge, that hasn’t happened.

    Interestingly enough, my ex never asks me how the kids are doing. My chumpy self half expected the occasional email like this: “Hey, I know the kids aren’t talking to me, but please reassure me that they are well.” Zip. Zero. Zilch. You know why? He’s too angry. His ego is too bruised. He’s unable to think of their wellbeing. He feels unfairly punished, the victim of excessive “venom.” He’s threatened us with the wrath of God.

    Anyway, his OW (maybe his wife by now?) has to live with someone like that, someone who looks after number one and ignores the needs of others, someone who is pathologially quiet (no personality) and obsesses about fly fishing, someone who controls by stomping around in silent anger, leaving people guessing “what’s wrong?”

    And he’s stuck with a woman who cheated on my ex while she was also married and with children–a woman who felt no shame in sleeping in our bed, who agreed to get massive, matching upper-thigh fish tattoos, who lied to her own spouse.

    I’ll take to the bank what the mediator/judge (badass woman in her upper 60s who’s seen it all) whispered to me: “He’ll marry her, and they’ll divorce in two years.”

    So all this is karma/schadenfruede.

    Meanwhile, I’m slowly gaining a life, figuring out what *I* like to do and value. For starters, I value my kids and grandchild. They are central to my new life. And I’m thankful that I’m out from under the opressive rock of a marriage that I didn’t even realize was oppressive at the time. I’m reborn at 60!

    • Correction. I meant to write that she’s a women who cheated *with* my ex (not “on) although that might have been a Freuidian slip (picturing her on him. ugh).

    • My three young adult kids (26, 24 and 21) have been zero contact with The Lying Liar for 5 years. Stone cold, brick wall, you are dead to me zero contact. Also zero contact with his entire set of family, friends and flying monkeys. Meanwhile, the four of us are tight as ticks.

      It’s better described as “the consequences of his poor character and terrible decisions.” Sucks to suck, as the kids say.

    • Your ex FW sounds a bit like mine. “Pathologically quiet” YES! “Stomps around” YES! “Oppressive rock of a marriage” YES! After 28 years with him trying to get me to dim my light… shhh me… ask “Why does everyone say you are so great?” etc. I am learning it is because I am great. His sister even said, after I expressed I would miss her, “We are sisters forever. He’s the douche bag. Not you.” He is moving this month to live in the city with his schmoopie. My adult daughter does maintain contact with him, but I will keep all holidays. Yay me! As my new farmer BF says… “You reap what you sow.” May my ex FW and his Schmoopie get EVERYTHING in life they deserve. Even if it is just each other.

  • My ex had a life-threatening motorcycle accident and was in a coma for several days. He tells our adult daughter (who doesn’t speak to him because of his behavior) he was “in agony for months and still has permanent repercussions from the accident” (note the pity channel). The karma? He told me he was leaving because I “didn’t support his interests”, i.e., I told him repeatedly that motorcycle-riding was dangerous. (duh). Didn’t stop him from buying 3 motorcycles and riding nonstop. The only reason he’s alive at all is because I bought him an $800 state-of-the-art helmet – the last present I gave him before he left. The karma? The accident happened on our anniversary, the first one after he left.

    • Accidents on key dates– not accidents.

      Though many FWs tend to forget every anniversary and kid birthday till the last second on a conscious level, I think all intimate abuse is, in essence, re-enactment of some long dissociated childhood shitstorm or other. On an unconscious level, all those dates may get carved into their genetic codes and they repeat patterns accordingly. Inexplicaple anger or back problems or illnesses on holidays, sabotaging birthdays, epic tantrums or betrayals that repeat around the same time each year, etc.

      Interesting if key dates from the marriage a FW blows up get thrown onto the heap of buried traumas as well. How fun for the next sucker who gets saddled with that “re-enactment.”

  • What we call karma is often the natural consequence of a series of stupid and selfish decisions by the cheater. Once the cheater loses their Chump Rescue Squad, the consequences wash over them like the waves of a polluted and garbage-filled ocean. #GlubGlub

      • Nomar,

        Chump Rescue Squad. Haha! Love this image!!!

        I think my ex recently had a fallout with his only sibling. I wasn’t there to patch things, a chumpy job I did for 35 years. Ah, so many unappreciated rescues! #GlubGlub indeed!

        • Yes, my ex lost his relationship with both of his siblings after we split. I wasn’t there to reel in his spite.

    • Exactly.

      They are who they are. As are we.

      I didn’t have near as many resources to work with after the divorce, but because I was careful with my money, I ended up in a better place.

      I didn’t blow up my relationship with my son and his family because I treat them as well as others with respect. He blew it up.

      I have had minor consequences of stupid things I have done in the past, but nothing on the FWs level. Also, I generally learn from my mistakes.

    • Someone else from CN called this ‘karmaquences’ which pretty much sums it all up once a cheater no longer has a sane partner to bail them out!

  • So, Trying ti Be Hopeful: What’s your setback? Why will Karma for the cheater make that better for you?

    My own Karma story is simple. Jackass really hurt me, but I’m just a small incident in his long life of wounding others. The MOW in my situation was discarded years ago. I don’t know anything about his latest marriage, but he’s past the first year and there’s no reason to believe he will treat her any better than he treated others. I’d wager that he will be more careful to hide his activity because he’s getting older and he has no financial safety net. So she’s probably the “nurse and the purse” for his retirement. I do know he has a “work wife,” so he hasn’t had a personality transplant. He is what he is. Wife #3 will get the anger and the contempt once the lovebombing stage is over–or once she starts to have expectations of him. This is an assessment based on common sense, not any need for a karma bus hit on him. He’s on the 3rd go-around in his current job–he’s quit there twice before because (as he whines) they don’t value him enough. That place and those people haven’t changed either. The best predictor of the future is the past.

    What worries me, Trying to Be Hopeful, is that your hope seems to be build on what happens to him. Pin your hopes on yourself, on what you can do every day to get through the stage you find yourself in. If you are close in time to D-Day, in the middle of separation or divorce, or dealing with a jackass who can’t let you go in peace, it’s hard to separate our thinking from what a jackass is up to. But that’s your real hope, to separate as much as possible, your life, your thoughts, your time, and your emotions from someone who is dangerous and destructive to you.

    Be hopeful about the kind of life you can make once you are legally free of your X–even if you have kids with him. Put your thoughts and energies there. If you aren’t in the same house with him–he’s the past, in terms of your attachment to him.

  • The irony of karma on today of all days . . . Chump Lady, you are hilarious. My karma story has a similar irony.

    The day we were going into mediation, both attorneys had to have their statement letters to the retired judge/mediator by a certain time, with a copy to the other party’s attorney. My attorney forwarded the ex husband’s letter, which opened with “XH has just been diagnosed with stage 4 throat and tongue cancer . . . “. I was in shock, googled the exact wording, and then learned that traditional oral cancer is deadly but HPV cancer is highly treatable, even if it’s stage 4. I was pretty sure it would end up being HPV positive, which of course, it was.

    • We see what CL did there, right Dude-ette?

      I actually texted a photo of a karma bus last night to other family members who, like me, are night owls. I don’t wish anyone to become ill and I hope it’s a mild case, but if anyone needed a karmic wake-up call, it was THAT person. And he’s a known cheater too.

      • My favorite sign from the second women’s march was “Let he who has raw dogged a porn star and had five children with three women be the first to cast a stone.”

        Humor is a sign of intelligence and Chump Lady has it in spades. ❤️

  • Nearly 4 years divorced here. My karma story? I really don’t care what happens to him. He’s an asshole and always will be. My life without him is SO MUCH BETTER. Holy crap, I wasn’t aware how miserable he made me. I’m raising two wonderful kids, and the three of us have such a good time together. I’m glad he’s (mostly) out of my life.

  • The beginning of every month when I see the sizable sum appear in my bank account, I know how much it pains and angers the ex to send that money! I also know he HATES paying me.

    I smile. He has another 7 years of paying me while I enjoy the money and the lifestyle and savings it affords me. He has to pay unless he’s dead.

    I know from others that his income was decreased during Covid and he has his multimillion dollar apartment on the market when no one is buying where he is.

    He has almost zero relationship with his 2 adult children which bothers him because it makes him look like a schmuck.

    Too bad. So sad.


    • Way back when he was still pretending he was going to be Nice, he asked how much child support I thought would be reasonable. I asked for $900 a month, with a breakdown of what it was for etc etc. What?!!! That’s extortion!!! So he demanded a formal assessment via the tax Dept.
      Their reply? $618. A week. ????
      He doesn’t pay very often but the arrears are HUGE and I get his tax refund every year as arrears.

      • Love this! They always think, in their narc arrogance, that they can get what they WANT, everyone will see things their way. And then reality intrudes ….

  • My favorite is the ex who sold me his share of our large property at an agreed upon price based on realtors’ opinions of value. Enter a real estate bubble here. I sold it 3 months after we signed our agreement for $250k more( helped make up for the retirement fund he stole and blew before we separated. Another one is one day when he came to the property( before I bought him out he was still working in the shop). He yelled at me that he couldn’t “get it up” and that’s why he was going to a doctor. I just said funny—you never had that problem with me and closed the door on his nasty face. More recently his slut’s brother and his wife had to move in with them because of covid and her elderly dad didn’t return to Portugal for 6 months as well, so 5 adults and a teenage girl crammed in a tiny semi detached house full of crap because the skank is a hoarder. Sounds like fun and I admit gave me a smile. Not very meh but all very satisfying I admit.

  • I don’t use my real name online for two reasons – my employer and my cheating ex, the cowardly liar.

    Today, a Twitter pal of mine retweeted the cowardly liar – because degrees of separation are like that. (Distinctive name, was definitely him.)

    This serial cheating, indiscriminate, deceptive, toxic, empathy-starved, child-hunting, altogether horrifying person posted a tweet describing a celebrity as having “poor impulse control”.

    I laughed so hard I thought I might vomit. I hope somebody is holding his beer. ????

    Me today: Stable, well-rooted, strong, clear, deep meaningful relationships in life, remarried, good place.

    Him today: Divorced after being remarried so many times I’ve lost count (6?), once to a 16 year old (in his early 30s), wealthy but still “that guy”, nobody who follows him is a person either of us knew back in the day (guess they learned over time who he is without me there to take care of the important stuff), still pretending and still the same charm-rage-self pity guy he always was. Talk about poor impulse control.

    My life is so much better without him in it.

  • The Craigslist “sole mate” moved here to live happily ever after with Prince Upchuck.

    Our daughter caught him on Tinder and the Sole Mate caught him going to the illicit massage parlors.

    No tag backs!!

    And thanks for taking out the trash for me.

    They are “sole mates”. A pair of heels.

  • Karma named Covid

    His OW got pissed about his relentless talk of being younger in his spirit and insinuating that he deserved younger…so she called me and told me everything.

    We split and divorced. He eventually moved to another state with is MUCH younger new girlfriend, because no one around here understood their love. She got bored and left him in Feb of 2020. So now he is stuck in a new state, no friends, no family and no way to date because of Covid.

  • I also have a broken or fractured wiener story. Shortly before kicking X out. I had suspected he was cheating..again. He got back home after another “work” trip. He informed me he had hurt himself while out of town. The story I got was he was half asleep and went to adjust himself, getting his manhood caught in his underwear. lol This little mishap actually fractured his penis, resulting in wearing a splint for 4 months, a total of 9 injections and a quick surgical procedure to address the scar tissue. Bwhhaaa. After receiving his financials I realized the howorker was indeed in Las Vegas with him that weekend.

    • Yea, he fractured his penis rolling over in bed. My cheater came home from a bike ride with a broken kneecap…wild story about a wild dog and hitting a rock. I now think he was caught by a jealous husband.

  • I guess I’m “lucky” in that the Karma Bus made several stops… they just weren’t how I thought they’d work out, nor on the schedule.
    Let’s see…
    – My serial cheater ex essentially ran off to be with AP #3. He had told her he was living with his “ex” wife, because it was so hard to find an apartment where we live. (FYI, that is TOTAL bunk). She ran off, thinking he would gladly leave his own “ex” spouse to move in to her apartment she found, and… guess what? She wasn’t an “ex” anything, and he didn’t want to leave her, surprise, surprise!
    Oh, the schadenfreude I had!
    – She’s tried to come back, at least 4 times, and I’ve turned her down each time.
    – While we were married, she would often bemoan what she thought were my less-attractive qualities, namely:
    1) I was not tall (I’m 5’8″)
    2) I have a receding hairline, and
    3) I like things that are “not cool” in her words, like watching superhero movies
    I found this to be insulting and infuriating. I don’t miss it at all.
    Well, now she’s got a new boyfriend. What do you suppose he’s like?
    1) He’s a couple of inches shorter than me
    2) He’s completely bald, and
    3) He is SO into nerdy stuff; he goes to comic-cons and dresses up as a cosplay character
    Ha ha!

      • Agreed! Love Marvel and COVID has completely ruined my universe. Kids (age 17 and 15) are desperate for Disney to finish the Avengers training campus.

        Traveling the World, you are totally cool. Hope the new guy hasn’t cosplayed anyone you love and ruined it for you. I feel so passionately about this that I wonder if I can add to the settlement that STBXH is banned from seeing anymore Marvel movies going forward. That would be nice karma!

    • I tried to reply and it has been stuck with a mediator. Try again.

      Your X knows nothing. If I decide to date again, and the guy hates superhero movies, that would be a deal breaker. Binge watching Avengers is a must. I just hope that your X’s new boyfriend hasn’t cos-played anyone you love and ruined it for you!

  • While it all looks perfect on Facebook with victim/wife#3 I know what’s coming for her once she’s no longer “useful.” Disrespect, disdain, and a seething, hidden rage because he actually hates everyone.
    Glad Asshat is no longer my problem!

  • Hopeful, tell your friend that waiting for karma is unproductive and removes her agency. I am not advocating actively seeking revenge; I am advocating taking control of those things that she can control and making a better life.

    5 years out from separation and 3 1/2 years out from the sh*tshow trainwreck of a divorce, I am finally out of debt and saving to buy a house, I have been promoted at work and the kids (I got custody) who were then 11, 16 and 18 and now 16, 21 and 24 are doing well. Most importantly, the toxic POS that my Ex-Wife was and is, has a much reduced impact on all 4 of us; we are all much happier than we have been in years. It will take time to address all of the damage that my Ex-Wife did, but we are a long way towards getting to where we need to be.

    If there is an element of karma to this story, it is that her problems are no longer my problems. She now lives with her AP in a house the children refuse to visit. She moans to anyone who will listen that I scr*wed her in the divorce (she did that herself by lying to the Judge). And she is realising that her AP (an Ex-boyfriend of hers, who is twice divorced and broke) is maybe not the catch she thought he was.

  • My good chumpy friend’s cheating wife got a karma payback. But the damage is still there for him and his boys. Even though there was some justice, his fuckwit doesn’t get it, nothing registers. She just keeps on acting like an idiot. The lesson for me is that it won’t matter if the karma bus comes. It doesn’t bring back 35 years of my life and fuckwit wouldn’t get it anyway.

  • I’m not gonna lie… I was not at Meh when I decided to takeover the Karma bus like Sandra Bullock in the movie speed.

    Synopsis: Mr. Sparkles decided to leave me and our family for the OW that had a rich family (most of his other dalliances were hookers; gym buddies; Adult Friend Finder live messaging; and personal ads. This particular OW had two children and the ink on her own divorce was barely dry. They met at the gym. She was told we were separated and divorcing when they met (she said).

    Plot Twist: I went pain shopping one day because I was tired of their “love to end all loves” that was being thrust in my face daily and my son’s weekend visits. Low and behold, Mr. Sparkles we still out on creepy websites looking for hookups because he was “in a relationship and not looking to change that situation.”

    Denouement: OW, her sister (who happens to work for their Father), and I all receive mail that contains the copies of Mr. Sparkles personal ads from a phantom sender (hmmm)…

    By the end of that month, almost two years after Mr. Sparkles dumped me and the divorce still wasn’t final… the Karma Bus ran him over and the wealthy OW dumped him hard.

    The Sequel began weeks later with a new woman from the gym. They’ve been together almost 3 years now, he is still active online… but I’m at Meh, so the Karma Bus is on its own schedule now.

    Moral of the story… jump ahead to your own happy ending and go no contact as soon as possible (and grey rock if you have to co-parent).

  • During our divorce and custody evaluation he was continually telling the evaluator he didn’t have a drinking problem… Before me he had 2 DWI’s and none while with me because I was the driver. Well, Karma came around. Got him at 2am after bar close ON a weekend he had our child no less. Luckily he had dropped her off at his families so he could go for a night of drinking. So, this threw out his claims of he doesn’t drink!!! Luckily this happened because before this I am pretty sure he had the evaluator fooled. This shed some light and evaluator granted more parenting time to me! 🙂

    Oh and I only found out because I had to have him EVICTED from our own home (because he was refusing to sell or move) and the week I got the house back his court papers came in the mail. I call this a God Wink. Like God saying here you go.. wink wink this is what you need.

  • I’ll start out by saying that while I love a good karma story as much as the next, it’s important to disengage from your cheater regardless of karma. Sure, there are a whole lot of stories about cheaters who have something terrible happen to them, but we’ve also heard the stories of chumps whose lives have been shattered not only emotionally but financially from their cheater’s actions. Karma, though, if you happen to believe in the system, isn’t about what happens in this life, but in the next. Been given everything in this life and yet act without compassion? Bad karma, and the next life won’t be so favorable. Have you had everything taken from you yet manage to live compassionately? The next life is better.

    Most of us don’t want to wait for the next life for justice.

    That said, I think that what we generally think of when we see our cheaters crash and burn is really the result of bad decisions. In CheaterX’s case, he decided that having an affair and then marrying her after I divorced him was a good idea, despite the fact that she had a history of cheating and that she’d been married twice before and hadn’t done any therapy to figure out what was going on.

    No surprise that they got divorced within a year of their marriage. She was already cheating on him with a previous married boyfriend. She had to wait for her boyfriend’s divorce, but she’s now married again. CheaterX, in the meantime, paid off a lot of her debts.

    I don’t know what he’s doing now. It’s been almost 5 years since the divorce and I haven’t talked with him since I moved out. I’m sure that no matter what, he’s not happy. He lacks the kind of inner balance that happiness requires. But regardless, he’s just not in my thoughts these days.

  • My ex-husband’s biggest Karma is he doesn’t get me, as his wife, his friend, his neighbor, his anything.

    I would have stood by his side and loved him whole heartedly for the rest of my life.

    Statistically and as seen here in CN, that’s rare to find in someone. He lost me, that’s his Karma.

    • I agree, and if he were honest; he likely would too.

      I know, who my ex is with, and I know how I treated him. He can lie to everyone, (though I don’t know if he did much of that) but he can’t lie to him self, not really.

      They know. We know.

      • I don’t think I agree with you there, Susie Lee.

        I think a *lot* of these people actually *do* lie to themselves. They don’t have the capacity for self-reflection normal people have, for many of them, the lies they tell eventually become the truth they believe.

        I remember seeing some emails fuckwit had sent to his estranged daughter, when I was packing up his stuff for him to remove. It was amazing, the glamourised lies he told about various life events, but which he clearly believed to be true.

        I remember him telling me he’d been in the SAS, and describing his role in the Iranian Embassy crisis.

        My brother, who belongs to the Counter Terrorism Unit in the UK, pointed out to me he knew, and had worked with, many of these types of people, not just SAS, but MI5, MI6 etc, and that these people would never, ever, discuss what they did with anyone. He said fuckwit was a “Walter Mitty”. So true. But I am convinced he believed his own lies. Pathetic, really.

        • You might be right.

          I mean he blew up his relationship with his son, and he did apologize; but not until it was too late.

          Who knows. I guess that falls under trying to unravel the skein. 🙂

      • I think Im with CNM6. My Cheater was a professional warrior and seeming badass but was inside very weak and scared. He self medicated with cheating but knew it was wrong so he concocted an inner narrative that I was a horrible wife who deserved to be cheated on, thus nothing he did was really wrong.

        Every detail of his life depended on that lie being true…to admit I was a decent, faithful spouse deserving of decency and fairness would have caused his entire mental house of cards to completely collapse. He held tight to his lie to his last breath.

        • My FW actually wrote me a letter of apology, calling himself a lowlife. (this was pre email/texting) Not sure what that was all about, I just stood there and stared at it after it came in the mail. I kept it in my wallet, and then about a week later it got stolen, at my part time job at Lowes. I never responded or mentioned it to him. We were well on the way to divorce when I got that.

          I don’t remember all of it, but part of it was how he didn’t know why he acted like such a low life. So I guess for at least that moment in time he acknowledges he acted like a low life. At the time as I said, it just baffled me. But now I think my thought would be, you acted like a low life because that is who you are. Just like any cheater.

          Could he have learned from it and became a better man, yes of course; but nothing in his life has indicated that he did or has.

          I do wish I still had the letter, I would send it to CL for the BS translator.

            • I am sure that was a part of it. He circled back several times, but I only let him come back once right after we were legally separated and it was an unmitigated disaster. I kicked him out in a week.

              I think cake is it mostly, but I also think judging from so much that I read here, that some of these guys are desperately wanting someone to fix them, and they never get that they have to fix themselves.

    • Bravo, Alice! Well said!
      You sound like some who has a lot of love to give and I hope you find someone more deserving of your precious gift.

  • It’s not a dramatic story, but my ex has to live with the natural consequences of being himself. This included the loss of my large extended family (his parents and sibs are all dead) and most of our mutual friends.

    He also lost the respect of our children, who slowly stopped seeing him on “his” weekends. I have four amazing, smart, funny, generous, kind children — teens and young adults — who demonstrate their love for me in big and small ways every day. Ex only sees them once a week for an hour or two, and they are guarded and standoffish with him. I was the steady “sane” parent who got us through the upheaval, and now I reap the benefits. He lost these wonderful kids by being who he is. That’s as good as karma gets.

  • My ex got into a relationship a few months after I told her it was over. She ended up getting pregnant about 6 months into dating this new fella (He wasn’t the affair partner). She decided to have an abortion. The guy dumped her the day she had it. Then she found out he had been cheating on her. Then she took him back. lol
    She even had the nerve to call me and tell me this story herself. WTF.. Karma for sure.

  • Delta, hon, you sound like a rapid crazy person. Are you trying to troll Tracy on her own site? Here, where many of us credit her with having saved our lives? Maybe you should just go back to bed…

  • However did you come up with this topic today? The real problem comes when innocent people get caught up in the wake of Karma. Most narcissists will take down as many others as they can with them.

    • Like others here, and CL herself, I don’t think it’s karma at all, it’s not the universe magically punishing cheaters for their ill deeds. It’s mostly selfish, short-sighted people living the consequences of their own choices. And of course others, spouses, kids, family, friends, they also have to live with consequences of cheaters’ choices. But Chumps tend to be quality people, who are far better, over time, at rebuilding their lives in truly satisfying ways, than the Cheaters manage.

      But sometimes it’s just bad luck, like a tree falling on their car.

      But it’s still super satisfying! Thank you, tree! Thank you, reality, for slapping so many of these idiots in the face, repeatedly.

  • Cheating ex and I divorced 6 years ago. Certainly the most painful time of my life. Since then he has had failure after failure (soul mate dumped him, business failed etc). Just this March was diagnosed with gastric cancer and died in June. At the time of our divorce I would have relished his death. Now with my new found happy life it didn’t even bring me joy. So as Chump Lady says, leading a happy life is the best karma. Don’t waste time on them, it is not worth it. Live your great life!

  • My ex cheated on me while I was in a wheelchair. Now I’m recovered and he’s permanently in a wheelchair. Harsh but true.

      • seriously…that is nuts. We had another chump here who was in a bad way with cancer treatment and her cheater and OW wished her dead. She recovered but he died of cancer. I havent seen her here in a while…hope she is still ok

  • “I am lawyer too” An illiterate one at that.
    Don’t threaten a person with bodily harm or you’ll suffer legal consequences.

  • Once I got rid of my cheater, I had revenge fantasies. I fantasized he fell off his horse onto a pitch fork and had to contemplate the evil of his behaviour as he slowly died. (Terrible, I know) I have just learned that he had to have major back surgery, to have a rod implanted in his back to keep it from completely collapsing on itself. He will be in significant pain for the rest of his life. Karma and I feel little guilty.

    • Bad luck, and no cause for guilt – it’s not like you had the power to bring this on with ill wishes.

      Pretty normal and human to wish bad things when we are hurt and angry. It’s our BEHAVIOUR we are actually responsible for. So unless you were slipping him meds that damaged his vertebrae, let yourself off that hood.

      • I mean, let yourself off that hook, of course!

        I used to wish my keyboard could read my mind. Now it does, and it’s terrible at it!

  • I make it my business not to know anything about my ex’s life, but I like to imagine that an entire family of raccoons has moved into the attic of the house he bought me out of and is wreaking havoc up there. This isn’t so far-fetched, either, because the window on the dormer had slipped cock-eyed on its frame before (and I was also the one to haul myself up into the attic and fix it), and we once had a family of raccoons living in the old chimney (I called someone to have them evicted and the chimney capped).

    • Too funny! And that you were “the one to haul [yourself] up into the attic and fix it” cracks me up. Of course you were!! I can totally identify! I was known for climbing onto our roof to remove ice and snow. I also humanely trapped the chipmunks who set up a condo under our back patio. I enabled that man so he had time do his very important work of being a physcian (All Hail!). I didn’t realize I was also giving him ample time to make those hotel appointments with his AP.

      He’s in a new house now, so I don’t know the house’s ailments (leaks, cracks, chipmunks etc…) but I do like to imagine that he will forget to have the septic system pumped (or not realize it has to be pumped at all!) and suffer the consequences. That would be appropriate.

      I’m not at meh.

      • Yup! I know that the STBX won’t maintain the septic tank. Serves him right because he was in Paris with the OW the last time it backed up and I was having to scoop sh!t. And he knew it because the septic company called him first.

        We didn’t have chipmunks. Two years in a row, bees infested the roof. It took a high lift and half a day to fix that mess. All my effort, he was nowhere in sight.

      • I have a septic tank story…

        We had a house with a septic tank and there were 7 people living in it. It was 2012 and the house was built in 2003 and had never been pumped because the owner poured a concrete patio over the access hole. The patio needed to be demolished.

        Cheater blamed me for EVERYTHING and he wanted to leave but he didnt have the strength to own his shit so he set me up for failure time and again. I begged him to let me get the job done (he controlled everything and would rage if he was defied) . I had decided that I had suffered my last rage from him and I was ready to implement my escape from our wreckonsillyation with the money I had stashed.

        One day, the poop would back up, he would blame me and rage and I would leave him…that is what I expected adn I laid awake in bed worrying how that would impact my kids. Instead he dropped dead. Be early the next month, I had the patio torn up and septic drained. They said it wouldnt have lasted another 2 months. I never did get another rage from him.

  • My cheating ex wife was fucking an illegal alien car detailer. He was 8 years younger than her So, that ended over a year ago and went on to duck another married woman and broke up her marriage and was cheating with her prob even before me and my ex physically split. Lol, they ended up fighting over the dog. Yes her soapy soul mate, sorry twin flame, gave our kids and her a dog and took it back. Well, things didn’t work out with the new girl either, sorry sponge. And my ex is now dating a divorced dad who is 11 years older than her. That’s right, the white republican volunteer fire fighter is old enough to be the illegal Salvadorian immigrants dad. I would if he knows who he is sloppy seconds too. (Seems like he’s a cheater too) Me, great credit, no debt, great job, bought new townhouse. My ex, debt ridden renter of 900 sf apartment but old balls stays over sometime. His ex got the corvette. Lol

  • I’ll make this quick as possible since I’m getting ready for work. Ex was cheating on me with Sumo wrestler next door neighbor sidepiece (found her leopard print underwear in the couch while I was working 3 jobs, getting 2 hours of sleep a night and trying to be some resemblance of a mother to 2 little kids). Ex married Sumo wrestler next door neighbor sidepiece and they proceed to put me through a nasty 2 yr custody battle, tried to removed me from my kids medical, dental and school records (smoochie posed as me, removed me, added her name as their mother and I had to take my and my children’s birth certificate along with any and all identification to get her name off and my name back on….flagging her & him to anyone and everyone who dealt with my kids – it was a fucking nightmare), they threatened me, stalked me, threatened my kids, made my daughter lie about me, convinced my narc father and step mother to go after me flying monkey style, etc. The horrible shit that ensued was just that – Fucking Horrible! Then on my 39th birthday (approximately 2 years ago) I receive a call after taking a trip to Sedona by myself giving all this shit over to God and the Universe so I could get some peace and happiness in my heart and move on with my life…..and guess what???? Sumo Wrestler Next Door Sidepiece lived up to her reputation and beat the crap out of my ex husband, she called the cops and blamed him (lucky for him our kids were there….not so lucky for them….and saw everything and told the truth about how she beat him). I had just won our custody battle and he HAD to tell me otherwise he would loose custody of the kids and have to pay more child support. I have to admit it was the best birthday present ever! (Thank you God)

    • @SC, that is some high efficiency karma from the Universe/God!! lol

      “got a call after taking a trip to Sedona by myself giving all this shit over to God and the Universe so I could get some peace and happiness in my heart and move on with my life”…

  • I stayed for 24 years. I took a lot of verbal and mental abuse but somehow didn’t see the cheating….until I did! After I moved out, he started and affair with my son’s teacher. (Who was also married and her husband was dying of cancer) Anyways, he decided to buy and display a copy of Kama Sutra on his coffee table for my teenagers and anyone who walked into his home to see. It was so embarrassing for them and my son asked him to put it away. He refused, the affair went on, her husband died, they came out as a couple a week later, they are getting married in June, and just bought a huge home with the help of her dead hubby’s retirement. Now it’s not just Karma that is coming for them….it’s KARMA SUTRA! LOL!

    • She bought her new man a house with her dead husbands death-money…..that is a recipe for bad karma in itself. My lateCheaters death money rightfully belongs to me and my children. My new husband gains nothing from it nor does he want to. I would not have wanted a man interested in 1 penny of my his death-money.

  • Tracy, Just have to say i looove this topic. For some strange reason, it feels amazingly apropos. You are an amazingly classy woman /and funny as hell:) Thanks for all you do!!

      • Yeah, karma is just the logical consequences of stupid, careless, dangerous, thoughtless, selfish behavior.

        • Sometimes there aren’t even consequences.

          I don’t believe in karma in this context, Kara, (whom I assume is a Buddhist) has pointed out that karma, if it exists, comes in the next life, (if there is one) not this.

          Susie Lee expresses it as “you reap what you sow”. Sometimes that’s true, but an awful lot of times it isn’t, just look at politicians, or Nazi war criminals.

          Neither do I believe in the New Agey stuff of “everything happens for a reason”.

          I think the universe is just random. Sometimes shit bags get what they deserve, but a lot of times they don’t, they even flourish. And the same holds true for good people, sometimes they’re rewarded, a lot of times they get shat on.

          All any of us can do is follow our own code, what we know to be decent, and sometimes that’s all we have. It’s an unjust, unfair world, all we can do is our best, and hope we and others don’t get too fucked over.

          • Yep, but I don’t conflate Karma and Reap what you sow. I think they are two different things.

            I do hate the saying “everything happens for a reason” Well I guess it could be true, if you acknowledge that many times the reason is because someone does something evil or stupid that hurts others.

            The reason FWs cheat is because they are selfish cheaters, and their actions hurt the betrayed. It doesn’t give them a cosmic pass to shit all over people. Many times folks who like to say that are just trying to put a positive spin on their shitty actions.

  • How about reverse karma?
    XW Jesus cheater grew up believing everything that happened was because God willed it. Our marriage was because God planned it. God sent her a stray kitten when her previous cat died suddenly. Many, many more examples are available. Maybe some of you believe this too, but I feel it makes God into a monster when we consider the evil events in the world.
    So to shorten the story, she finds another Jesus cheater and divorces me. They last a few years and break up. The she steps in a hole on the school playground and needs major knee surgery. Followed by breast cancer, mastectomy, chemo and a botched reconstruction that got infected and had to be done over.
    I take no joy in this, nor do I believe it is karma.
    But I am sure that she believes it.

    • Oh I bet she does. Ouch. That is the danger inherent in thinking “everything happens for a reason.”

  • No karma in sight here. In fact, ex seems to have a lot of things working in his favor right now. New job, parents bought him a house, he’s out and about dating while I’m taking care of our baby most of the time. He’s managed to convince everyone that despite leaving his wife, step son and three month old, he’s still a great guy. I’m frustrated today but I’m enjoying seeing that there is karma for some. I feel like if I made half of the destructive choices my ex has made, I would not be succeeding like he is right now.

    • Jo,

      Don’t be fooled. You’re the mighty mom! He’s not with his baby. Everyone knows that a man who cheats on his wife while pregnant is a total scumbag. He can’t image manage his way out of that. And I hope you get to the point of shrugging off his dating etc…

      The fact is: he’s shallow! He screws around with escorts etc…Women are just sex objects to him. His karma is being him. CL is right!

      I hope you feel better tomorrow.

    • Jo, part of the consequences for his shitty choices is what will happen to his relationships with the kids over time. They are little now, but they will figure out who he really is, just as they will see who you really are.

      Your life is harder and a lot more work than his right now. But YOU are doing the hard stuff that has true value, and that will bring you many years of joy and close relationships. His life will continue to be empty, despite the outward ease.

  • I feel like Karma parked in his driveway right on Dday and never left.

    Fuckwit had to endure very public humiliation as his whoring blew up and everyone learned who he really is. That was a bitter pill to swallow for mr. image management. All courtesy of the whore, btw, which in itself was hilarious from my perspective. He really chose “well”.

    His health has been an ongoing problem and in steady decline. Lately though…his symptoms are affecting his dick and sounds an awful lot like advancing stages of an STD, but…..even if he goes to a doctor, he is never going to be honest about his whoring and I know he doesn’t test himself. So either he is whoring on the whore or she is doing what whores do….. Either way, not my circus, no my monkeys although I am totally amused in a there is Karma sort of way.

    Only reason I know anything is that I still have to deal with the loser even though I do keep it limited. Still, for those of you wondering or only seeing social media….if you saw this fuckwit’s social media, you’d think he is the greatest man ever living the best life ever. So don’t fall for that, because reality is the definition of hell.

    On that note, much like CL, I really do think that the ultimate Karma is him being who he is. He is a horrible human being – lies, deceit, cheating, using, manipulating people all under the guise of a nice man. Thing is that who he is and what he does haunts him. He is always looking over his shoulder, constantly living in fear that others are exactly like him and will do to him the same. If that’s not the definition of living in hell, I don’t know what is.

  • My Karma story is that I left, never looked back and am living a good life without him in it. I told him, “One day you will push me too far and that will be the end. You will find out that I’m as easy to replace as you think.”

    I never begged him. I never asked for explanations after the initial confrontation. I walked out and moved on. Drove him nuts. Here I was actually living a life without him telling me how to do it. And without help. I was not only surviving without him, but thriving! WTF??!!

    The AP he moved into my house 3 months after I left, left him less than a year later when she caught him lying and cheating. Expected small karma.

    We split custody 50/50 – the year split between us. The kid will graduate in another 1 1/2 years. (Oh, and X doesn’t know it yet, but kid wants to spend his whole senior year in school here with me.) I’m fairly certain that once he’s out of high school, he’s not going to want to spend a lot of time living with his father who lives in a very small, remote community with no jobs, etc. Boy is going to want to be here with me in our fun town, with his friends, making $. And THAT will be the ultimate Karma kickback.

  • I divorced my cheating ex 4 years ago. The woman he was cheating with (mom of one of my kids friends) dumped him last year, soon after he told me they were “for real” in love and were going to move in together. My friends have seen him on all the dating apps, so I guess it wasn’t twu wuv after all.
    He was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, no surprise there, and he is still drowning in debt, as evidenced by the debt collectors who continue calling me looking for him. Ever heard of skip tracing? It’s how debt collectors find and locate the person they are looking for, by calling ex spouses and family members. Fuckwit also didn’t pay the IRS after we got divorced, so they too, were looking for him. and he can’t afford to replace his 15 year old dumpster of a car because he has no money and can’t get a car loan.
    I continue to be the sane parent who makes sure my kids lives are stable and run smoothly. I bought a house a few years ago, I am financially stable and my life is free of the drama, chaos and crazymaking that was the hallmark of the decade I was married to that fuckwit. He is a trainwreck and always will be. It’s a wonderful feeling to wake up every day and know that none of that is my problem.

    • My wife’s EX husband was terrible with money and a deadbeat to boot. We were constantly getting calls from collection companies and bad marks on our credit because he used to be on the mortgage of her house. I asked him to correct the credit information, but he never did. So when a collection company called I would give them his phone number, where he was living, his employer information and phone number. Same for the AP/soon to be wife. They moved a lot! This went on for five years until they moved out of state.

      • Bruno, I always give the debt collectors all of his info: cell, home #, address, where he works, everything. Last year, a skip tracer debt collector called me to say they had been trying to get him to pay a $300.00 emergency room visit for our daughter since 2016. They attempted contact 23 times. I got an itemized breakdown of all attempts at contact, plus each time they spoke with him and he kept claiming the hospital made a mistake and he had paid the bill. Shocker: he didn’t.
        I forwarded all the info to him and he called the debt collection company and threatened the woman over the phone that if she ever called me again, he wouldn’t pay. And then he called the next day and paid off the bill. Now times that example by a dozen and that’s been my experience for the past 4 years. He is a total deadbeat and fuckwit. Not to mention, emotionally and financially abusive. Divorcing him was the best decision I ever made. For myself and my kids, and we are thriving.

  • Turns out, Karma came in the form of him not having me to clean up his messes anymore. After we were separated, he actually called me when he was broken down on the road. Wanted me to bring him oil and stuff. I asked him if he had friends. He said he hadn’t called them. I said “I’m not your wife anymore. You need to take care of these things yourself” and left him at that. I think that was the first time after all the crap he put me through that he realized he was the one who lost the most.

    I realize I don’t care if anything bad or good happens to him. I just don’t care anymore. We share a child so we do have a small amount of interaction, but he’s a teenager now so it’s getting less and less. I actually laugh at the times he attempts to get info out of me or tries to get sympathy from me. Grey rock is the best, and meh is so easy now. It is great to feel nothing when his name comes up. Not even annoyance.

    • The plays for sympathy and understanding! When they couldn’t be bothered to reciprocate for how many years during out marriages?!

      I am expecting to get my son for a fall visitation in a few weeks. This involves plane trips. The receiving parent pay for ticket. And just like every year, I get the passive aggressive email saying how he doesn’t have to allow this visit (he does) but out of the goodness of his heart he will let it happen. How broke he is, his car broke down, etc. and could I arrange the visit for later when he can afford it? (no and no.)

      X had no sympathy or consideration for me when he took our kid to Texas during Spring Break when Covid was outbreaking. He had no consideration, nor did I ever ask for any, when I had to load up my CC to pay for visitation trips. But they always want it from you don’t they?

      Ha ha. Suck it up Buttercup.

      • Oh absolutely. He is constantly sad sausage. It’s how he gets along in the world. I ignore it and it goes away. His Karma is that he has to live with himself. He’s on S.O. number 3 if you count the OW, the last fiance he had kicked him out after he wrecked her car (twice) and took money OUT of their combined wedding fund. You should have seen the crocodile tears and he practically begged me to ask about it all. Fortunately his ex was a friend before they met (her picker is pretty off) so I got the beef from her later. My concerns that he was better for her? Uh, nope. He was much worse to her than he ever was to me. They don’t get better for the next one. The next one just puts up with worse than we did.

    • He wanted you to to bring oil and stuff!!!! haha. Classic clueless expectation of the entitled cheater.

      After our separation, mine texted to ask me if Goodwill accepts hangers. lol.

      He also wanted to know how to get his OW a digital key to his apartment. haha! (I printed that text for my lawyer to prove she was living with him. I used to think my ex was smart because he is a physician. Not so much.)

      He also asked me how to fill out the Financial Affidavit.

      I enabled that man…for 35 years. I do wonder how he’s functioning. I think he deluded himself into thinking that somehow I would keep helping him. Crazy!

      • Ok. I’m going to comment on my own post because in re-reading that I realize that my ex’s behavior, his demands, his innocent requests (perhaps not so innocent) reveal his insensitivity and desire to continue to hurt me. I laugh it off; I dismiss it as mere cluelessness on his part, but it’s really not funny and he might not be so clueless.

        Infidelity is abuse. So is this insensitivity. .

        Glad I heeded CL’s advice and went NC. No doubt he’d continue to subtly abuse in his oh-so-quiet but cutting manner. It’s insidious and hurts like hell. I’m building myself back up, but damn…I even write stuff here and happily press “submit,” feeling the pleasure of adding to the snark but without recognizing the horror of it all.

        • Spinach, will you be able to go No Contact soon? ‘Cause that will remove the insidious stuff – and it DOES hurt, even when we recognize the source and how little it has to do with us, personally.

          They do keep reaching out to us to fix crap in their lives, because they are just too used to our doing that, and their huge entitlement leads them to think we’ll keep doing those things. I used to think my Ex thought he was so amazing I’d be happy to still be at his service. But now I believe he never even thought about it, he just assumed. Bit of a shock when I started saying ‘why are you telling me this?’.

          • KarenE,

            Thanks. Yes, I did go NC in April. The divorce was finalized in June. We communicate only rarely about some insurance or tax issue. He did write to “acknowledge” my birthday a couple months ago. I wrote back, “Thanks.”

            So, he doesn’t get to me anymore. Well, he doesn’t get to me directly, but he does so indirectly because I’m haunted by memories and flashbacks. And sometimes I realize that what he did or said was indeed abusive, even though I didn’t recognize it as such at the time.

            • “And sometimes I realize that what he did or said was indeed abusive, even though I didn’t recognize it as such at the time.”

              I think that happens to a lot of us. I know it came rushing back to me after many years, when he blew up my sons life. Or more to the point he blew up his relationship with our son.

              It triggered a flash back and revealed the anger at myself I had been burying for years. Anger at myself for being so blind. I am fine now, thanks to CL and another site that I have read a lot on. I also did a lot of research on narcissist’s which revealed a lot. That is how CLs name came up.

      • Learned helplessness. It’s how they keep us around. How dare we abandon them in their time of neeeeed! It really didn’t take me long to realize that he would ask for things that a grown person could reasonably figure out on their own just to stay central.

        He’s a grown man. He can figure stuff out. There’s a thing called google. I no longer remind him of stuff for our son. If he wants to attend, he will make the effort. When we first divorced, I had to see him every day because he worked at our son’s preschool. Now, I hardly ever see him despite the fact he moved about 8 blocks away in our new town. My son is old enough to moderate his relationship with his dad on his own, and I’m not interested in getting parenting advice from a former preschool teacher who can’t apparently figure out that oil needs changing in a car. It gets easier as time goes on. Don’t do things for an adult that they can damn well figure out on their own. They have other people they can call. I’m not on that list anymore. I don’t need friends like him.

  • There’s no guarantees in life except death and taxes, so please find your personal peace, acceptance and meh regardless of whether the karma bus hits your ex. In many cases, if your cheater ex is a narcissistic POS like most are, then karma comes (mostly results of their own awfulness), but you may not get to witness it. I had a difficult time getting to meh… but it helped when my therapist told me to “sit back and watch the dead bodies float by…” meaning that he will remain a douche and things will continue to go badly for him. Since said douche walked out for OW-cliche-coworker 5 years ago, he lost his job with her… his former boss told me point blank that my ex was a POS… he had to get a job 2 hours away and commute back and forth (only seeing shmoopie on weekends and with her own teen boys) –that was at least a year… he lost that job and had to take a job several states away so he flew back only on weekends (that lasted 2 years)…and now he’s in a job that has him traveling all the time. He was abusive to our teen son repeatedly until I got attorneys involved and he was finally forced to let my son go home when things got out of control…son no longer sees him much because ex has to appease OW and she and son don’t get along AT ALL…his 2 brothers have lost all respect for him — one is completely disgusted and shares everything with me after he saw how my son was treated first hand… ex bought a new car finally and was very excited — and OW immediately got into an accident right in their driveway and the car was out of commission for 5 months. Is this is all karma? Maybe not… it’s mostly that ex is a completely selfish idiot and he will continue to bring bad upon himself. Meanwhile, I try to focus and pray and do my best for myself, my son and my boyfriend. I pray for strength and protection. And to stay in meh.

  • Exhole left in the middle of our divorce for a rich bitch in California. I called her Narcissa California. She was younger (a former college squeeze); not that bright; loaded with dough; lived in CA … and had a terrible incurable disease. (He knew about that). Fast forward a couple years, she is disintegrating, they had to move back to the east coast so her sister could care for her (heavens forfend he do that, amiright?) I expect she’s still paying the rent a la sugar mama, but I’m told there are “cognitive challenges”. That can’t be fun! It couldn’t happen to a nicer couple of cheaters. I generally don’t wish bad stuff on people, but, sometimes they send you an engraved invitation.

    • Crazy. My STBX’s fuckbuddy who “thinks they may have a future together” is dianosed with a debilitating disease and she has not yet had complications as she is younger. I know this man, he is no one’s ‘rock’ – he doesn’t do illness or disease, he’s terrified of it.

      Lately I’ve felt fortunate that, if this was always going to happen, if he was always going to discard me, that it happened now when the rest of life is pretty good and I really don’t have any problems (other than the intense pain of fuckwit blowing up my life). Much better than at a time at a time when I really needed support, like if I or my parents were very ill. Looking back, I think I knew in my heart that he wouldn’t be there for me when thinks got hard. Our life was NOT hard and he couldn’t stick with it.

      • Yes. “Our life was not hard and he couldn’t stick with it.” Golden Boy could never see how blessed we were. All he did was bitch about what he didn’t have, and how he “deserved” all these things. All of it was bigger and better toys, and for him….never us, never the kids. So….even though Howife has lots of money,she also has younger kids……and while he talks a good game, he hates giving up what he “deserves” for anyone…..and that includes his TIME. Karma is being them….

  • I dunno…I’ve received shitty karma ever since/basically my whole life including the relationship. I must have been a child serial killer in my past life because it continues to heap on and I’m pretty done with errthang.

    • That’s why I don’t believe in karma. The Holocaust, slavery, tiny children with terrible diseases, decent people who get run down.

      You don’t deserve it and it’s not ordained.

      • Yep, I really don’t either; at least not in the way folks mean it.

        Good things happen to bad people, and vice versa.

        Also, ill health/injury is not something I would want for anyone. I have no problem with them reaping the consequences of their bad decisions; as that is just a natural consequence. But as for illness, it can happen to anyone, and I just don’t like to go there. Even if they caused their own illness/accident.

        I also know that for a few it appears they don’t reap what they sow, but I believe they do whether we, or even they see it or not.

      • I think the main problem with the western interpretation of Karma is we say “karma” when we mean “punishment.” And often when we say punishment, we mean our interpretation of what we think this person deserves for what they’ve done to us/others.

        I’ve posted about this a few times, not much, but it really, really bugs me when someone uses the term karma when what they really mean is they want to see some kind of divine punishment or retribution for wrongdoings. Which is not what karma is. It’s pretty natural to be angry when someone wrongs you, especially when they do it on such a deep level as cheating. But you won’t see their karma for this. Someone else’s karma is not something you will see in this lifetime. Or any lifetime for that matter, because you just don’t see someone else’s karma. You see your own, and that may be over many, many lifetimes.

        The Buddha himself wasn’t born once and then reached nirvana. He was reborn 5,000 times before he reached mahaparinirvana and died for the final time. (This is of course, if you believe in something like reincarnation in the Buddhist sense.)

        Karma in the Buddhist definition is the lessons you learn over several lives that bring you closer to nothingness (which is something westerners also struggle with because most western belief systems do not view nothingness in the way Buddhism does. Nothingness in Buddhism is a final peace with the rest of the universe, not vanishing into nowhere. More like a nothingness as in you are no longer just one individual, but you are part of everything.) Karma is not about seeing someone else who did wrong getting punished for it with a shitty life or something terrible happening to them etc. It’s about what good you can bring to the world, and what good you can do that brings you closer to a peaceful life.

        There are some beliefs that if you have low karma, you are born lower on the circle of existence. Low karma can just mean you haven’t done many things yet, not necessarily that you’ve done bad things and you’re getting punished. Like being born a snake or something. There’s nothing inherently evil about being a snake. This is kinda where Buddhism sorta starts getting more into metaphors and fables, like the Jataka Tales which are supposed to be the stories of the lives Buddha lived as various animals (the monkey who helped other monkeys escape hunters and find fruits, etc.)

        Some countries mixed Buddhism with their existing belief systems (like Shinto in Japan, and some other Japanese religions) and incorporated an element of punishment and interpretations of “Hell” for those with bad karma, and there are places in Eastern countries that still operate on a strict kaste system, which uses karma as an excuse for ignoring the poor and the ill. Both of these were never meant to be karma either. Karma isn’t an excuse to ignore suffering and say “this person deserved it.” Buddhism would actually argue it is good karma to help those who are in need. Seeing the ill and the poor was one of the things that made the Buddha leave his life of privilege to see the rest of the world, and where the idea of the Middle Way came from.

        I think the best way to really see the “karma bus” is to live a good life. Don’t let the cruelty of others corrupt your kindness and your willingness to care. That’s the karma you WILL see, because it’s what will bring you closer to feeling peace and it reveals your good character. Don’t waste your time or energy waiting to see divine punishment on someone else.

  • the DOCTOR always took good care of himself and worked out and I appreciated that, but he was also VERY controlling about what I ate and whether I gained weight and of course I now see it as the abuse it was. But he was a health nut and looked good.

    So now he has cancer. That shocked me.

    I’m don’t feel glad about it. (Complicated grief)

    BUT if I had stayed married, moved with him and not discovered OW and his fiancial shit, I’d be taking care of him instead of living in Europe and having the most enriching 2 years of my life, despite the massive heartbreak.

    So while I can’t say Karma is punishing him, and I don’t wish him ill, I AM RELIEVED not to have to manage the DOCTOR (world’s worst patient) and his shitty (now ZERO ) relationships with our adult children.

    Oh, and he’s missing a lot of work so his income went down. I’m positive that’s not going over well and my older daughter said they spoke on the phone and he “always sounds angry and confused.”

    Not sure if Schmoopie Wife signed up for THIS…where’s all the money and FUN to have ????

    Thank God I got a buy out and not alimony -b/c I admit, I never would have expected the DOCTOR to get sick.

    My task is to remain the sane parent for my kids and be grateful I was fired from the job of caring.

    Meh is coming. I hope but doubt he’ll have an awakening, because he hasn’t yet. HE IS STILL ANGRY AT ME and the “ungrateful kids.”

    My fear for him and our kids is that he’ll die shaking his fist at the God he doesn’t believe in, still holding onto his bitterness and not once, ever, connecting the dots or feeling empathy.

    Or he’ll thank Schmoopie and HER daughter for being so loving, and ignore the damage he alone caused the people who loved him the most.

    What a pathetic way to die.

    • My EX got breast cancer, had a mastectomy and a botched reconstructive surgery.
      I am very sorry this all happened to her. I loved her at one time and she is the mother to my kids.
      By the time all this happened her schmoopie was long gone and she was by herself. I have imagined that she would have appreciated a loving husband to care for her.
      But he threw that away.

      • “She is the mother to my kids.” Bruno, you’re a good loving person. I hope some day to meet a man who has values like yours.

        You would have been there for sure. I went through two years of prostate removal and multiple surgeries with the Limited. He was fitted twice with a penile pump that needed replacement. My reward for being there and going without sex was an announcement that he’d been dating and found someone. She dumped him after I told her we were married. She said he told her we were in the process of getting a divorce. They don’t get a character transplant.

  • I don’t believe in karma because it’s got victim-blaming built into it. It’s been turned into a form of New Age Calvinism if you really think about it.

    Still I’ve noticed how abusive people seem to have disaster built into their own characters. I worked in a competitive field for years and had a lot of brushes with harassers and destructive narcs. I always fought against it. Some terrible things have happened to various scourges from my past for various predictable reasons– like the “Peter principle” –when their entitlement and ego exceeded their ability; or their pathological risk-taking; or their habit of keeping even worse company than themselves; or because their reps caught up with them; or because their families of origin are majorly screwed up and they ended up in humiliating family scandals.

    In the case of one guy I knew who was brilliant but seems to have had a bonafied split personality, the fact that he had a penchant for healthy partners brought him down. His wife kicked his ass in court and took the kids.

    When I knew him, he hadn’t yet done anything terrible and was sort of a Catcher in the Rye– had a reflexive tendency to rescue and support the underdog. I’m certain it wasn’t a deliberate facade though he was obviously kidding himself. He probably figured if he stayed on the side of good, went with independent women with high self esteem, and was open about his evil, violent father, he’d avoid following in those footsteps.

    From the court documents I saw online, “like father, like son”– DV. I suspect he chose his wife precisely because he sensed she’d be the type to cut him short and get away. She seems to be doing very well now.

    I did the web search because I’d recently mentioned the guy to a friend as an example of someone who defied his dysfunctional programming, then because of what I’ve learned ftom following this forum, I wondered if this was still true. It wasn’t. Now I think he was one of those Manchurian Candidate types who can keep the darkness under control for just so long. They seem to really want to defy their upbringing but then explode some time around middle age. I think they’re probably more dangerous than all-out snakes because, when young, they emit safe, stoic vibes on a cellular level. The only red flags I can report is the “fifty yard stare”– a tendency to subtly dissociate under stress– and that they become more expressive and sentimental when they drink, but otherwise seem like completely authentic, responsible, unassuming people.

    I don’t know how it turns out for garden variety sociopaths– the types who knowingly wreak havoc just short of getting busted for prosecutable crimes. Clinical sociopaths are apparently very rare. Without even the capacity for empathy or the usual subconscious guilt-tripwires to self-destruct, how long can they maintain the facade? How much silence or devotion can they buy or coerce from other people? Do they get gradually more and more strange and freakish as they age?

    • This resembles the dick, he appears to have hit some sort of “reset button” with Howife, but who knows?

    • “Still I’ve noticed how abusive people seem to have disaster built into their own characters.”


      I don’t really believe in karma, per se, but cause and effect. Cheaters are irresponsible, entitled, and lazy. That’s usually gonna bite you in the ass down the road, unless you have enough money, power, or enablers to help you get away with it.

      I had a horrible ex who cheated on me and dumped me over email. It was callous and traumatic, and he did it in the middle of a medical emergency. He didn’t want to deal with my health problems and insisted we were never “really” together and that he only dated me out of pity after my last ex abused me.

      This, a week after he said “I love you” and asked me to move across the country for him.

      Found out later he had a fiancee the whole time.

      It’s been years. I rarely see him anymore.

      But karma hit him, more or less. He finally finished college at age 50 and still refuses to get a job to support his family because he wants to go for his PhD. He hasn’t applied to any doctorate programs in the 2 years since he graduated, just drives for Uber and fucks around as always.

      His wife gained 100 pounds since they married and carries the family since he doesn’t. They live hand to mouth. It looks like an atrocious existence.

      I wouldn’t call it karma, more like the natural byproduct of shirking responsibility his whole life and betraying anyone who tried to love him.

      Well, their apartment was also ground zero for the worst toxic mold infestation in their city’s history. The skin on Ex’s hands sloughed off and the mold destroyed everything he owned including childhood heirlooms. That was pretty random, maybe that counts as karma?

  • Talk about being run over by the karma bus, my Ex-FW is now 57 and has been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimers, he can’t work, his state disability has run out and Social Security disability has yet to kick in (and is basically pennies), and since he had no savings/401k/retirement and I’m no longer his gravy train he lives with his alcoholic, bi-polar brother in a town Ex-FW *hates* (unknown if he can remember he hates it?). I saw a picture of him recently and he used to be absolutely gorgeous and now he just looks wrecked. I’m pretty sure not even the skankiest whore would be interested in what he (doesn’t) brings to the table, so I’m sure he’s alone. I actually feel quite sorry for him. Wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, and I feel like I definitely dodged a cannon ball.

    Me? I own my own beautiful home in the San Francisco Bay Area, have the love of my (still kickin’) parents, my daughters and my grandbabies, have a lot of wonderful, supportive friends, and a fantastic job where I’m valued and paid well, even during work-from-home COVID. It’s all gravy, baby! <3

  • Not sure about this one yet. I know a good friend knows what he really is and that is some comfort. He seems to lead a charmed life. The woman he impulsively threw our marriage in the trash for didn’t work out. Don’t think it set him back much though. I fantasize sometimes of sending that email with attachments to make some karma, but just can’t do it.

  • My ex suffered a groin hernia that had to be operated only a few weeks after setting up his bachelor pad to screw schmoops freely. Not a lot of shagging there for quite a while, I fear. And that nagging doubt about the consequences of overdoing it.

  • Cheater ex’s 20-year-old daughter became pregnant with the baby of her 38-year-old boyfriend, and is still on her dad’s insurance … even after having a second baby.

    Now, the children seem beautiful and I imagine he enjoys being a grandparent, but this scenario does not at all fit with the perfect suburban family image he so carefully tried to project.

  • Fuckwits drama, oops I mean karma came the day the gravy train dried up when I clocked him two years ago and left after over 7 years of pick me dancing while he ate cake.

    I call it the day the karma bus crashed into the gravy train on the corner of Healthy Boundary and Consequence Street.

    I’m too no contact and grey rock to know if karma got him (and them, OWs and OMs very much plural). I blocked all our enabling mutual friends (about 40 of them) so no insights there except that my kids report sometimes some of those friends visit. They are all welcome to each other.

    There was a shot of karma 6 months after leaving him. His new GF (also his meth dealer, also together for a year at that point!!!) clocked one too many red flags and asked me if I had kids that weekend via Facebook messenger (took me a few hours to see her stranger message). Long story short, I did, yet he had told her he did. Turned out that was a pattern. I never let him have the kids during my week, yet apparently I was such a terrible mother he was having them most weekends when I should have been.

    Wrong. He was lying (while stealing her drugs and money) so he could entertain the OW I had left him over!

    Through this excercise we were both able to compare stories (lies) and simply laugh it was that batshit crazy.

    I was able to get a parenting order in place to meth test him up to 4 times a year (hair tests show 3 months of usage). I don’t use these test allowances, but I can and I will one day. It had the effect I was after.

    I also track his astrology forecast (specific to time and day and place, very precise). He’s having some major Pluto transits, life won’t be rosy at all. It’s not very no contact of me, I mostly use it to strategise our property settlement and potential court actions. It helps. Winning so far.

    I heard from an enabler a couple of weeks ago. She said he was cat fishing her, I think they were cat fishing me. I gave it no oxygen. It felt good not to ask for more intel. I really don’t have time for these types, well intentioned or otherwise.

    I’ve been studying karma. It really is as CL says. Being him is karma enough, and losing me a karma I wouldn’t wish on any man, but here we are. I’m happy, he’s a porn addicted, pot bellied addict and alcoholic with an anger problem.

    Know who I’d rather be.

  • Market day in our little town is a Thursday, and on Wednesday night they put big signs all over the main square saying not to leave your car overnight as it would be towed. OW must have forgotten and her car was towed, so ex called me and asked if I would give her a ride to get her car out of the pound (he no longer had a licence). Totally f….ing nuts!

    • Oh my god Attie! What a jerk. They are seriously deluded. This is classic narcissism in action – you are the mother/wife caretaker and she’s the whore on the side. Yuck!

  • I had a small karmic moment when asshat wouldn’t come and get his belongings from our home. I boxed up his things and put them in the garage. A pipe burst right above the boxes and soaked all of it. He was finally forced to deal with it and most of it was ruined.

    Overall though, I agree with my fellow Chumps that their karma is themselves and being assholes. I know the OW and she is weird and boring – he’s only with her because she promised to be his sex slave. Even though he was a nasty cheater of the highest order, I feel like he really lost when he gave up on me. The love was here for him all along and he squandered it. In the same week as I discovered his cheating, he got kicked out of our business by the other partners for his bad behaviour, so we lost our business shares and I kept my job at the firm. Now he’s unemployed and is saying that he’s taking a “mental health break” from work. He tries very hard not to look like the asshole that he is – he keeps polishing the turd.

    (I still hope he gets more misery though…I can’t help it!) I think that’s just a sign that I’m not at meh yet.

    • Same here, on the loving part.

      I knew almost down to the day that things started to change between us. Turns out it was the same amount of time he admitted to have been screwing her.

      He said “we grew apart” he knows as well as I do that “we grew apart” when he started screwing her and he started on that very day the devaluation process. He even told my son and daughter in law that he likely should have stayed with Susie. Two things, 1) you had a chance to stay with Susie if you had dumped the whore and begged for forgiveness, and Susie even gave you another chance after the legal separation, 2) Once you squandered the second chance, staying with Susie was no longer an option and I told you that. The fact that you tried again three more times didn’t change that.

      FW acted like he should have sacrificed and stayed with me. No, you didn’t have that option.

      • I was actually on the road to thinking about having an open relationship. Mind you, this was because he was trying to convince me to do this, but he had already been cheating on me for over a decade with hookers and random women. When he got the girlfriend, he tried to ask me if he could have both of us. Hell no! It was such hideous manipulation of me – trying to get me to be “open” and then retrofitting the situation. He now tells people that I gave him permission and then got mad when he cheated. His lies are insane. Yes, I was his loving wife and for that I guess I should feel proud, but I kind of feel like I was the good person and it got me nowhere but manipulated and lied to. I don’t get the sense that my ex has any remorse or misses me in any way. Once I said “no” to all his cheating, he abandoned me completely.

  • In 2005, he had found a replacement for me in the person if Ms Susan ____ of Seattle Washington. He was a mean assbastard but didnt want to look bad to friends and family so he made a few overtures of “setting me up” before he moved to CA (at the time telling me we were “together” and he just “worked” in CA but Susan also moved there at the same time).

    Many of his overatures to create this facade of setting me up were opposite of how I wanted to live and I fought him on most of it. The life insurance the military offered him at retirement was too expensive so he got a cheaper policy that had a big pay put but it only covered 20 years then expired.

    The back story was that my narc parents and my Cheater all wanted to be rich…they were selfish and mean and thought only of themselves. Well a few years into this cheap policy coverage, he dropped dead. I paid off the house, the cars, the kids school loans, went to Europe (all the time refusing to tell my parents how much money I had which drove them nuts).

    I was reacquainted with an old boyfriend from years earlier who was married briefly but she ran after greener grass (which turned out to not be so green). My new husband has 4x what I have so on paper we do well but he is very thrifty and practical so we don’t live some crazy life. I am happy knowing that I will never have to worry about money.

    Mostly Im blessed that he is a decent trustworthy person and the numbers on the investment statements don’t change my life much on a day to day basis except I occasionally reflect that I have more than I ever wanted or expected by just being a decent person who kept my promises.

  • When people talk of Karma I always reply that he got his.
    It’s that he doesn’t have me in his life caring and loving him….That’s his Karma.

  • Look what she got.

    A man who lied to his own daughter in order to secure a basement, told her he supported me financially, that I emotionally abused him for years while being treated for STD’s while seeing her and other women. A porn addict who led a double life, recycled and modified his dream girl poem, spent all his money on hotels and dating. One who offered up his spermatozoon to impregnate a woman to have sex with no responsibility attached to the children he fathered.

  • Look what he got.
    A crazed mentally ill slut who belly’s up to the bar and picks up married men who pay for cheap hotels and have drunk sex. A low life who had her child taken away for abusing him, a lengthy arrest record for assaults, breaking and entering, felony drug charges. A woman who is so disordered she monitors his every move and believes he wants to marry her. And so insecure and needy she won’t allow him get his hair cut or interact with anyone but her specialness.

  • Talk about a faulty picker. Their karma was sealed the day I filed. Thank God I don’t have to listen to his never ending lies, tolerate his abuse, wake up in a piss filled bed, drive the drunk home, or pretend his dick works. Sweet, sweet karma I love where the fucker landed. I’m free, happy and living the life I deserved.

  • Karma, but it’s less satisfying than one would think. It does make things easier for me though. Ex was in jail for a DUI when the divorce was finalized. He’d already lost his car to repossession at that point. He was driving his mom’s car for the DUI. So he’s in jail during covid. His attorney got him out. Ten days later he died of a drug overdose. seven weeks after our divorce was final. Skanky fiance lamenting that it happened again. This was the second “fiance” she lost to an overdose.

    I don’t have to share custody with him. I don’t have to fight over child support because social security death benefits for the kids pays more than I’d ever be likely to see from him. I don’t have to deal with hoovering. Or the OW being around the kids. I do, however, have to deal with grieving children. Even though their dad was a scumbag, and they knew he was a scumbag, it still hurts.

    • Wow SerenityNow, that is an intense story. That would be hard to have to deal with your children’s grief after all he did to you. I’m so surprised how many Chumps have ex cheaters who die – sometimes they are really on a downward spiral. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all that. You do not deserve it, and neither do your kids. Big hugs to you.

      • So true. My kids have clues to their dads assholeishness but dont really know the whole story and declined any more info when I offered it to them. To him, he was a smart, successful person albeit it bad spouse and unpredictable father.

        It is true that raising kids alone is easier than with a fuckwit and we have more control over our financials and logistics than when fuckwits are messing with us from a distance


        the day my daughter graduated from college (the first woman in her direct lineage on both sides to ever get a bachelors degree {I got mine a year after her} ). I truly truly wished that Assholecheater had been sitting there with OW (who likely would have been Mrs Assholecheater by then). I wish he could show up at her wedding to walk her down the aisle even if he did nothing else.

        Watching my kids grieve and knowing Im the last person they can rely on (this is shared with many chumps as you know you kids can’t rely on their cheating parent) is awful.

        • My kids cannot count on X except to leech from them. It is what it is. They have a good parent. More than a lot of people have.

        • That’s the worst. The missing milestones. My daughter is 12, and is angry with him, and sad that he won’t be there for her graduation, wedding, grandchildren, prom, etc.

          Congrats to you and your daughter for earning your bachelor’s degrees.

          • Thank you SN, I was groomed to be a chump from the cradle both to my narc parents and then Cheater.

            It was hard when I looked back and realized that my parents made sure my brother had a Univ education but I had to go to a vocational school. I literally wasnt worth it to them. I have a cutting memory of walking into the kitchen hearing my mom on the phone with her friend trying to figure out a reason to fully cut me off from any family support when I was 17. (Her parents offered her fully paid college which she declined).

            My father was a genuine ass during that time…he wanted to have something to brag about that would cost him zero money. He wanted to spend every dime he made on himself and me getting an education was not in his plan. Im now in my 50s and rich and quite suddenly they like me. Im decent to them in their elderly infirmity but mostly Im not having any of their foolishness.

      • and YES, it is hard to deal with grief (which people often try to salve them with ideas like “but he was good and he loved you”) when my memory is full of abuse and betrayal. I cannot lie at all and they dont get much good about their dad form me and sometimes I think they consider me an asshole over it .

  • “ignore the damage he alone caused the people who loved him the most.”

    I read this line over and over again and let it sink in because it rings SO TRUE.

  • I don’t like to call it Karma. It’s a consequence of his lifestyle. Cheater developed an autoimmunal disease due to a rare dormant genetic disposition triggered by overuse of those little blue pills. He’s currently dealing with benign melanoma but from what I read it turns into full-blown blood cancer after 25 years with good medical compliance and a healthy lifestyle, that is. He has neither.

    I used to be the one to analyze medical reports, scrutinized second opinions etc. He was useless in medical emergencies. Yelling at doctors and hospital staff for taking time of his work. Insulting them by belittling theirs.

    I would have been a faithful and devoted carer. I’m pretty good at handling devestating medical conditions with calmness and sanity since I’ve been taking care of my own since I was a teen.

    But I just won’t anymore. He tells me how he has no one to help him out with this. His parents are useless. Whenever someone falls I’ll they go completely nuts over their own fears and like to talk about their own health problems.

    I take no joy from this as I, too will have a child to grieve him.

    The only thing I can do is pay even more attention to be respectful and kind to medical staff. They will have to take care of him even when he disrespects and abuses them. Unlike me.

  • Karma = the natural consequences of behaviour.

    I am 2 years, 10 months out. I can’t believe how quickly time flies and how much of me has changed. There was a time, even a year ago, when I just couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that I would learn to care less about my ex and that time would start to heal the trauma. But, it happens.

    The best outcome/karma is simply no longer being with a cheater. His relevance/importance has diminished. His outcome is that he has to continue being with his shitty self, and I don’t have to be. Yey me!!!

    I see him at pick-ups and drop-offs, and I really cannot see what I ever saw in him. He’s not attractive to me anymore. He always appears shifty. I can tell now when he lies. All the tells that were probably always there over the years are now seen clearly. I know who and what I am dealing with. He does not hold power anymore.

    His family has still made it clear that they will never accept the OW, so she has never been brought out to meet them and she is never spoken of. I still maintain a good familial relationship with my elderly inlaws and my sisters-in-laws are still my friends. I see them more than their own brother does. He does not bring this woman out to any functions with his good friends, whose wives are still my friends and they all attest that they have never seen this woman and he never speaks of her the few times he’s ever around. He has lost the respect of his family, his closest friends who barely recognize him anymore. He can’t affort his lifestyle (I know exactly what his assets are). He’s become pathetic in my eye, to the point that I actually sometimes feel sorry for him, but don’t let myself give in to it.

    We all agree that something just isn’t right with him and that he’s clearly struggling with his own demons. One of his best friends told his ex-wife (my friend) recently what a F-Up my ex now is and how sad this whole situation has been. He F’d up his life and continues to F up his life. The OW is an incredibly damaged and messed up person, and no doubt he feeds off of that to embrace his own narrative of self-victimization.

    But, like CL says again and again, I have focused on building my own life, and I understand that I was blessed to have a good starting point. I had my education, made my own money and have a great job, so my opportunities were greater. I had always outearned my ex, and so my worry was that I would get taken to the cleaners. Luckily, as CL advises, I lawyered up early, even before I even accepted my marriage was over because I wanted to be safe, rather than sorry. The lawyer helped me behind the scenes in navigating the greater access to my kids which gave me 65-70% access. My ex was so caught up in his affair bliss with the OW that he just let me do whatever, and I worked that to my advantage. I kept my assets and I bought out the house. There has been a huge housing boom in my region (even with COVID) and the value of my house has already gone up more than $150 000.

    He will never be able to enter the housing market now with what he has unless he buys with someone or inherits something from his parents. He’ll lose his inheritance if he buys with her, that’s for sure. I know that he depends on ED medication which has vamped up his migraines. He rarely does things with the kids, not a bad dad just a boring/lazy one. He put in his time, works his shifts with the kids, lots of tv gets watched, every couple of months they do something out, then they come home. In all these years, they have only seen the OW six times. Usually it leads my son to derail (he has Autism), so my ex pulls back on exposing them for a long time. Now, with COVID, he’s assured me that there won’t be “play dates.” I have to give him some credit for being half-way decent about that. He hangs on to the OW for his own purposes and keeps his double-life separate. It’s all weird.

    The best karma is living your own best life, no doubt. Re-build. Focus on you and your kids. Find inner joy however, best through therapy and lots of reading good sources. Get your own groove going, doing things as you like, pursuing your own interests. Build good relationships around you. Improve your own familial relationships, foster friendships with good like-minded people. Join something. Get out there and breathe the fresh air and find peace. There is great strength in all of this. That strength fosters a power within that sustains you when you have to see the cheater. Keeps you grounded in maintaining boundaries in your communication. Helps you in bouncing back from manipulation. It’s not always a picnic. It’s still messes with me sometimes, but my bounce-back is so much faster and effective

    Karma = the natural consequences of behaviour.

    Chin up because you are “quality”. You have “class”. That is the best revenge.

  • OptionNoMore,

    Thanks for the inspiration! Your story sounds a bit like I think mine will end up – even though I got discarded and I’m traumatized, I can’t see his life going too well. His family doesn’t like his lies and they think he’s “sick”. He lost his job and our whole community of friends – nothing he valued anyway. My daughter doesn’t want to live with him. He keeps the OW hidden because she’s not really much of an acceptable adult. He still isn’t working and his professional reputation around town sucks. I got a lot from reading your story, thanks for posting. I’m looking forward to the day I’m not in so much pain.

  • My ex and I bought a house together, his version of trying to fix his cheating problem. I sadly… fell for it. He was never going to truly commit to me, but I’m a chump, I was filled with hopium.

    I broke it off with him when he started changing our plans on me. This was going to be our first home together, it was going to be a fresh start. But he for some reason couldn’t leave the job where he had an affair with a co-worker at. Suddenly we were renting the home out and he wanted me to move back down to his Father’s house with him.

    During the breakup I had enrolled myself into therapy. I learned I had co-dependency issues that doubled since all of this mind-fuck began.

    He would teeter-totter back into my life, wanting back in but never wanting to fully commit. Playing around for ego-kibbles. Eventually he told me he met someone new, but he still felt it was okay to call me and complain to me about his new crazy girlfriend and how life was so much better with me.

    I wouldn’t believe any of it. He’d probably be down there telling his girlfriend about his crazy ex, or playing two ends out the middle. Anyway…


    I had told him that I was moving for a great job opportunity. Shitbag panicked, called me the next morning wanting to try and make a plan to leave his state to come be with me. I pointed out he changes his mind every hour or minute and he had already made a commitment to his now girlfriend.

    4 hrs later… I get a text from his girlfriend from his phone asking me to stop texting him to give him “peace.”

    I wrote back… about how he had called me that very morning wanting to make plans to move away with me.

    The text was proceeded by a phone call, where she was shocked to learn about how he was complaining about her, about how he was cake eating, about how he had cheated on me with a woman he still works with all with him in the car with her and he’s just apologizing profusely to the both of us.

    Needless to say, he orchestrated a fuck up, paid the price and from what I understand she wants nothing to do with him anymore. He tried to make me the other woman, but played himself bad.

  • Sadly, I’ve experienced a few cheaters. None of them fared well over time.

    However, my favorite story was what happened to one of my best friends in college, who I discovered loved to steal boyfriends.

    She stole my boyfriend and our friend Emily’s boyfriend in the same week. It was a horrible week. Emily and I cried a lot.

    The friend who betrayed us didn’t finish out that semester. She flunked out due to partying and drugs and was forced to move back to the bumfuck hometown she hated. The boyfriends she stole dumped her over the phone, and for some reason, she was shocked by this. She did more drugs, got fired from a couple jobs, racked up credit card debt, and resorted to begging on social media for people to buy her cigarettes.

    By the time Emily and I graduated 2 years later, this girl was knocked up, single, and waiting tables.

    As for Emily and me…

    Despite the betrayal that awful semester, Emily won a varsity championship and set a new record that is still talked about today at our alma mater. She went on to attend a fantastic grad school. 15 years later, she’s now a global-level executive at a Fortune 100 everybody’s heard of.

    I graduated with honors and had a prestigious job waiting for me the Monday after graduation. I spent my 20s traveling the world and today have a fantastic career, great friends, no debt.

    The backstabber never went back to college or made anything of herself. She still lives in her hometown working minimum wage jobs and yelling ignorant opinions on Facebook.

    The karma bus hit hard, then backed up over her for good measure. I feel sorry for her kid.

  • Yes my ex Narc is in deep trouble now 3 1/2 years after my discard and he’s been visited by the Canadian RCMP on what we believe trumped up “RAPE” charges! He’s panicking!????????????

  • I always feel like I could use more Karma but my serial cheating POS (I finally left after he cheated with my sons soccer coaches wife) did have the biggest lawyer bill out of all four of us… All he did was run to his lawyer over every little thing, I kept telling him she don’t care she just keeps billing you.,. but he had to learn the hard way!!! Oh well!!!

  • Cheater ex left me, his adult children, baby grandson and elderly mother to move 3000kms away with schmoops who was his employee when I busted him cheating. They bought 100 acres and were going to build a mud brick hut on this. They leased a bottleshop and then a hotel in a small town nearby which they worked at together. They had no external pressures of kids, aging parents etc to worry about.
    We had low level contact via messenger for financial/legal matters and sporadically he would tell me he missed me, thought about me all the time and knew he had made a terrible mistake.
    3 years later….he and schmoops split up. He told a number of people that she was domestically violent to him and was always angry. On one occasion the police were called due to her attacking him with a pick axe. She reportedly hated everyone in the small town and they hated her. Schmoops left the town after they broke up.
    He talked to our kids constantly about wanting to get out and come back to our city but was financially unable to.
    He went on a dating site earlier this year and met a nurse who he described to our kids as marvellous and wonderful. She has 2 teenage children and apparently had just come out of a dv relationship. She had some anxiety issues as a result.
    It appears that after he starting dating the nurse, schmoopie returned to the town and he started seeing her again with neither aware of the others existence. He described this situation to my daughter as being like when he used to play with our dog and he would have 1 toy and hold another toy behind his back and the dog would want that toy. He told her we would miss one while with the other one and vice versa. My daughter was understandably disgusted by this.
    Anyway, he recently came back to our city and stayed with his mother for 6 weeks holiday to apparently sort his head out. He arrived having 2 girlfriends…. While here he ended it over the phone with schmoops and the same day confirmed a relationship with the nurse which he is happily telling everyone about as he was never able to bring schmoops into the open.
    Some of the classics since he has been here include
    Telling his mother that nurse is ” not that great looking but she’s nice”.
    Telling my daughter that he is moving in with nurse when he goes back and making the comment that you don’t need love but you do need security.
    Making a comment to me in a jokey way about “nurse with a purse” saying she is semi retired and wants to settle down. We all think he may marry the nurse to have someone to look after him physically and financially into his old age.
    I saw him 2 times while he was here. The first time was unplanned at his mothers home when I dropped her home after an outing. It was the first time I had talked to him face to face or that he had seen me since March 2017 just after we separated.He told me he regretted everything, that he had lived under a delusion for some time that we would get back together. He actually said that he had got his karma from being in a violent unhappy relationship with schmooops. He cried 3 times during this conversation. He texted me later to thank me for speaking with him ( I had consistently declined his offers over the last 3.5 years to meet him and “talk”) He then commented that I was “still sexy” and “still look pretty fine” Wtf.
    We both attended our grandsons 4th birthday on 1st October. I am civil with him. He walks in and winks at me, tries to get me to sit next to him. He makes a comment during the evening that I am skinny now. I make sure I am not alone with him.
    The next day he sends me a message saying thanks for letting him join in the birthday celebrations, that I had seemed uncomfortable with him there but he had been “ridiculously keen” to get me alone and that he had wanted to “grab my butt a number of times” . He referenced it being weird and hard being together, seeing me.
    3 days later he flew back to his small town where he will be collecting things from schmoopie’ s house before moving in with the nurse. I am sure that things won’t end fully with schmoopie and that the poor nurse will be the new me. I can only hope that he leaves her for schmoops as those 2 deserve each other.
    I guess the point here is these cheaters don’t change, they don’t learn from the damage they have inflicted on others and remain self serving, selfish and opportunistic. The fact that they are never truly happy within themselves and are always looking for the next person or thing to fill the void is their ongoing karma.

  • Karma is how you frame the situation. Is it Karma to get speeding tickets? Or is it the natural outcome of driving too fast?
    Cheaters who try to build the foundation of a new “twu Lurve” relationship on deceit, lies at the cost of other’s pain are not likely to have a “happily ever after“ for themselves .
    It’s not karma when it implodes like house built on a fault line, just common sense.

    I choose to motivate myself to be a happy, creative and stable force for good. I try daily to keep my head screwed on straight, nose clean, eyes forward.
    What those miserable shitbags are doing now is NONE of my concern. I just know that partnering up with a compulsive liar narc is a recipe for failure. I trust their natural selfish shitty personalities will take over and pay them back handsomely.

  • “Cheaters who try to build the foundation of a new “twu Lurve” relationship on deceit, lies at the cost of other’s pain are not likely to have a “happily ever after“ for themselves .”

    In fact that is exactly what our preacher told my ex. “You can never build a good relationship on the destruction of another”

    Turns out he was right. Oh I am sure they put on the fake front, but most are well aware of the stuff they have pulled, and continue to pull. I know my son is, and in fact they turned their anger against him. He (my son) is ok now, but their relationship will never be the same. Sons wife won’t speak to either of them. Right now she says she never will.

  • Hi, all. It’s been awhile, but like Roaring, I too was saved by this site! I do check in from time to time, but haven’t posted. It’s now five years out from the day he walked out on me and into the OW’s home. Stone cold abandonment.

    And what’s happened in five years? Well… I healed. I got a promotion at work and was able to buy my own home. I rebuilt the relationships with my kids, kept my good friends, learned to be independent, and was thriving!

    Then, a little over a year ago, the sudden loss of three very close family members. There has been a lot of grief to work through again, but with family becoming so much closer, we have been able to help each other through the loss, although I know it is going to hurt forever. The most unforeseen circumstances though: my brother left me his estate. And it was a LOT of money. I know he’d want me to use it to make my life better so… I have retired from work and am taking care of my elderly, though still fit, mom. I purchased and remodeled (all paid for) a fabulous new home. I replaced my aging car with the Jeep I always wanted. I have a new motorhome and have been taking myself and my elderly mom camping. I helped my kids better their lives. I shared with my other brother and he was able to retire early. I have an investment portfolio. I have my kids nearby and see them often, loving watching my granddaughter grow! I have an education fund set up for my granddaughter. I can travel, keep myself in wine and hobbies and comfort till the end of my days, thanking my generous brother every, single day.

    And the best part? The ex knows all about this. Although I hardly ever think of him at all any longer, I do hear he’s flat broke, collected so many “projects” his house is a junkyard, the OW (13 years older than me) is ill and unable to do much, so he has to care for her – something he HATES. Looks like they have to sell their home and are looking at mobiles to park behind his garage to live in.

    Though I’d trade it all to have my family back, that’s just not possible. I’m honoring this gift by living my best life. Turns out his leaving me was truly a blessing – he’d have been insufferable during this past year, not that he wasn’t always anyway. I know he doesn’t have the nerve to ever show up on my doorstep, so that’s not a worry.

    Karma works, though sometimes in terrible ways. Thing is, even before the bank account I had regained happy. Confident. I was proud of my accomplishments. And I had put him behind me.

    Tuesday is very, very sweet.

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