Any Karma Stories?

Dear Chump Lady,

I know you say not to wait for the karma bus and I understand why you say that. But…..for a sister Chump who is having a real setback, could I ask you and CN to share some karma stories? I’m phoning a friend.

Trying to be,

Hopeful

Dear Hopeful,

As good chumpy people we’re not supposed to speak of karma because — as someone inevitably points out — was it our karma to be cheated on?

That said, we’re human and having been fucked over, it’s normal to long for justice. I just advise here to not put your life on hold waiting for it. Go build a new life.

No! I want a comeuppance story, Tracy! STAT!

Okay. Once Upon a Time a four-story tall tree fell on my ex’s house and crushed his BMW.

I refer to this tree as “The Tree of Karma.” I still lived in the same town with him back then. I was driving down the street (the former house was on a main thoroughfare) and saw the storm damage. A humungous tree down, hole in the roof, car damage. Probably an insurance nightmare.

I think that trees are wise and take the longview. This tree was plotting its demise. Maybe it missed me. (As long as I’m anthropomorphizing trees.) I did all the gardening after all. Anyway, I’d left. I didn’t own that property any more. The tree chose its moment and crashed to ground, trying to take out the house and the cheater’s prized sports sedan with it.

It was kinda beautiful. I felt a mix of gratitude to the universe with equal parts schadenfreude. It wasn’t terribly Meh of me.

Really though, the biggest punishment my cheater can endure is being him. He sucks. He goes through life knowing he’s destroyed everyone unfortunate enough to try and get close to him. He doesn’t care. That doesn’t fill me with righteous indignation anymore, that he doesn’t care. That’s who he is. A person who doesn’t give a shit about other people. Who can’t connect. Who lacks the human empathy chip.

He did care about a tree crushing his BMW though. Maybe trees are messengers from God. Who knows?

Chump Nation — you got any karma stories? Or encouraging words for living without it?

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Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
3 years ago

Remember, you lived as the faithful spouse. They didn’t. That is something you have, and they never will. There is a reason cheaters lie to themselves (and others)… it is hard to live with the difficult truth of what they did otherwise. You CAN live with the truth as the faithful spouse. Glad I am not the cheater!

Daddypants
Daddypants
3 years ago

Karma. My cheating ex-wife (we were in a 25 year relationship) married her high school boyfriend 3 months after our divorce. I ate shit sandwiches morning, noon and night throughout our divorce and for the first year. It was all my fault, etc. I lost everything, but I maintained joint custody of the kids because that was the most important thing to me.

I kept journals, recorded phone calls, and kept a log of how much time the kids spent with me versus her. After one year, I was able to prove I had them 85% of the time. I took her to court, and my child support payments went away. I was awarded temporary custody. And we got a Guardian ad Litem appointed to investigate our family.

One year after that, the kids almost never see their mom. She misses visitations, she just got her visitation revoked, and I’ve got 2 lawyers, a GAL, and 3 counselors all watching events unfold in real-time. I’ve got an army of support. I’ve got the kids. And all she’s got to show for herself is 4 Jeeps and a Porsche. That’s how she chose to spend her divorce proceeds.

Oh, and did I mention she’s still cheating on her new husband?

Karma. It’s a bitch.

Marathon Chump
Marathon Chump
3 years ago
Reply to  Daddypants

My cheating ex said he was choosing Schmoopie over me because she was higher in his profession and so influential that it would be professionally very bad for him if she turned against him, and that money was very important to him. But shortly after they moved in together and married, she lost her job and didn’t get another for two years! So he had to support them both. She also gained what looked like more than 100 pounds during that time, and he stopped appearing in social media pictures with her. Then as soon as she got another job, he took a different job on the other side of the country.

OHFFS
OHFFS
3 years ago
Reply to  Daddypants

That is wonderful! Kudos!

You created the karma in that case. I did in mine as well. I got my ex to sign a “reconciliation” post-nup handing me all the assets and 60% of the income in the event we broke up. Moron is such a narc, he fell for it, believing I wanted him back. He obviously think he’s a real catch, the poor deluded fool. Then, to his dismay, I dropped him. I have a nice house and he has a shitty bachelor apartment and no schmoopie in sight. His dull personality and excessive flatulence likely insures there won’t be one anytime soon. Schmoopie was only interested in getting a sucker to do her bidding and in chumping her husband. She was not interested in my ex as a person at all. His friends are gone, too, since they were just using him as well. He can’t afford to buy them drinks and go on trips with them anymore, so he isn’t useful.
#sadsausage

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
3 years ago
Reply to  Daddypants

Why would she need 5 cars?

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
3 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

one for going out with each lover?

Bruno
Bruno
3 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

I worked with a remodeling contractor who cheater with her electrician. She bought a new Corvette and they would drive off to Nevada to gamble, drink and play. Eventually, he got tired of her and went back to the mother of his children. She upped the gambling and drinking and her business correspondingly floundered. Her solution? Medicate by buying another new Corvette! But she had buyers remorse (and shame) and kept the $70k car in the garage.

Daddypants
Daddypants
3 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

To make her new husband happy. He’d always wanted a Jeep but could never keep a job long enough to afford one.

Good thing the ex-wife was given the kids’ college money so she could look after everything.

ChumpDiva
ChumpDiva
3 years ago
Reply to  Daddypants

I love this story, Daddypants!
????•????•????
Brilliantly played, btw, sir. You put in the work to win your kids’ time, love, & respect.

It appears she traded in kids for cars: another apt metaphor. Cars depreciate the second you drive off the lot, putting miles on them, etc. Kids, on the other hand, …well, she’ll never know, will she? Those who relate more to things (and self) than people will never value the relationships with those we love like chumps do. Not only “Trust that they suck” (& they DO), it sucks to be them.
Thanks for sharing your story.

karenb6702
karenb6702
3 years ago

Well my Karma is what I make of it

He now has a baby to support until he is at least 64 even if him and her last in this marriage . He’s never got any money so that should be interesting

He’s now pushing a pink pram about with a screaming baby ( he’s been seen many times by my friend ) but he wouldn’t even walk to the shop before he would always take the car

I got my share of the house he bought with her with marital money and he got less than 1/3 of what he demanded was his ( it wasn’t )

His car is 14 years old and falling to bits but his new wife doesn’t work so there’s only his pay to buy everything he can’t get credit to buy a new car

I kept the house / savings / pension / bought a brand new car as in never been driven . I’ve been on holiday with my friends to Barcelona / Paris / Kraków and Amsterdam and have an amazing circle of friends

Not Karma as such but it makes me happy

ChumpedInBroadDaylight
ChumpedInBroadDaylight
3 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

It’s really pretty bad when your credit isn’t good enough to buy a car. Usually if you can fog a mirror you’re credit is good enough.

PastorsWifeChumpNoMore
PastorsWifeChumpNoMore
3 years ago

The karma bus ran over my cheater’s dick. Literally.

It was shortly after D-Day– which resulted in the firing of my (now ex-) pastor husband (who had an affair with a fellow whore-pastor 15 years younger. He burned down our lives and in the process never broke contact w OW. There is more to the story including a long trip to Europe beforehand, but that’s for another day).

Jesus cheater was at Beaver Island at a guy friend’s cabin. This friend had the habit of removing boards from his second floor deck so that snow could slide from the roof onto the ground below (not the deck).

They drank.

Jesus cheater stepped out onto the deck into thin air, straddled the remaining board, and broke his weiner.

As we were in a half-assed wreckonciliation at the time, I can attest that his teeny dick was purple and he peed blood for days. He had resorted to using erectile dysfunction medication prior to the accident, but now he absolutely needed it.

I now call him broken weiner because it was crooked (and, as always, tiny) from that day forward. I hope OW enjoys it up her filthy asshole (his preferred, unrelenting mode of sex starting around 40).

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
3 years ago

Broken Dick is the best karma story ever. Also, we would like OW lady-bits to get mouldy and stinky and leaky.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
3 years ago

“Jesus Cheater broke his weiner at Beaver Island.”

The new vocal warm-up of auctioneers, radio talk show hosts and news anchors from coast to coast lol.

ThursdaysChild
ThursdaysChild
3 years ago

I can’t. CAN’T. Stop. Laughing!!!

Debbie
Debbie
3 years ago

Love this story!

OHFFS
OHFFS
3 years ago

There aren’t enough LOLs in the world to cover that one. Or enough cringes for the mental image of his tiny, bent dick doing anal on that ho.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
3 years ago

He broke his weiner.

HE. BROKE. HIS. WEINER.

Jay Davis
Jay Davis
3 years ago

You story absolutely makes my day and gives me real hope for the first time. Thanks for sharing!

Geode
Geode
3 years ago

Mine didn’t have an accident, it just went ka-boing one day during our short marriage and broke. Too many prostitutes, workplace and neighborhood hookups and porn just wore it out. At age 55 he had to switch from the little blue pills to injections straight into his penis every time he wanted it to get hard.

The creep still owes me $28k but I get some joy from knowing that, not only does he have to be him for the next 30 years, he has a broken dick.

OHFFS
OHFFS
3 years ago
Reply to  Geode

???? Well worth the 28 grand.

Hopium4years
Hopium4years
3 years ago

Thanks for the laugh. (How could a chumped woman not laugh at that? I can see why chumped men might not find it quite as funny…)

Hoo boy! Now THAT is karma that hits exactly in the right spot!

Thrive
Thrive
3 years ago

For the win!! ???????? you cant make this sh#t up

Mutha
Mutha
3 years ago

Omg.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
3 years ago

Gotta say, I don’t think that Karma can be topped.

Golf Clap.

Susanna
Susanna
3 years ago

Wow.. just wow

karenb6702
karenb6702
3 years ago

????????????

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
3 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

Omg! Unbelievable!!!

chumpnomore6
chumpnomore6
3 years ago

????????????

JustWondering
JustWondering
3 years ago

Great story, even if it did put me off my breakfast 😉

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
3 years ago
Reply to  JustWondering

and me my lunch… OMG, my belly is hurting from so much laughing and I am not even half way through CN’s posts

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
3 years ago

Ee

Lulu
Lulu
3 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

His life will end just at it started… living in his mom’s house with his bitchy sister (also divorced due to cheating).

PastorsWifeChumpNoMore
PastorsWifeChumpNoMore
3 years ago

Exactly! I sleep like a baby.

Shelly
Shelly
3 years ago

I burst out laughing. Thanks for that Friday morning chuckle. Good Karma to you!!

FormerlyKnownAs
FormerlyKnownAs
3 years ago
Reply to  Shelly

I am going to walk about saying broken weiner all day long! Thank you for that incredible story of karmic revenge. Absolutely hilarious.

tinybubbles
tinybubbles
3 years ago

PastorsWifeChumpNoMore, that’s the first chuckle I’ve had in a long time. Bless you.

Freedom2020
Freedom2020
3 years ago

A few months after moving in with Schmoopie, FW’s apartment building burns down!

SheChump
SheChump
3 years ago
Reply to  Freedom2020

I’m going to embed this in your comment, because, like today and Trump, it is not polite to snark helplessly and have a lip curled in a certain way. The exact day our day our divorce was finalized, he got word he had Prostate Cancer and the entire thing had to come out.

Tall One
Tall One
3 years ago

I live with peace. I no longer carry her around in my head. I have new-found confidence in myself & I’m excited to live in a way I haven’t for decades.

She’s still her.. or not.., I try not to think about her.

There’s likely many Buddhist stories about carrying your enemy in your mind is like literally carrying them up a hill (or like a rock in your shoe). Totally butchering here, but perhaps you get it.

Letting go and moving on is the path.

Mitz
Mitz
3 years ago
Reply to  Tall One

Excited to live in a way I haven’t in decades…… I really like that sentiment!

violet
violet
3 years ago
Reply to  Tall One

I let go long ago, but I would be lying if I said I haven’t enjoyed watching two cheaters screw up their lives. The interesting thing is that I somehow thought I had contributed to the chaos I experienced during those dark days. Given the gift of time, the universe has taught me that I had nothing to do with it.

To me, Karma means what you do comes back to you- in some way or the other- and that has certainly proven to be true for X and the hypocritical Jesus cheater he screwed. Their lives are a mess because of their own conduct and thus, their Karma is being them.

Dare
Dare
3 years ago

6 months after DDay, my cheater’s ho dumped him and married someone else. Not even the ho could stand him. So, no wife, no kids, no respect, no integrity and no ho who he blew up his life for.

Wormfree
Wormfree
3 years ago

You would think after four years, Karma would have been satisfied but that train keeps coming.
Three of the best are a tree falling on the OW’s house, the FBI investigation and just last week receiving proof that he finally put the mortgage in his name. His payments are $400 higher a month. Which means not only more karma but more debt.

Attie
Attie
3 years ago

Oh I know I’m going to love this post. In one of the very early CL posts on karma, if I remember correctly, there were 850 comments! As for my ex, the first OW cheated on him after about 3 years and he was devastated. He then hooked back up with latest Schmoopie (they knew each other in school) and while she’s attractive she’s also batshit crazy. Can’t laugh at herself, mustn’t have anyone do anything except praise her and tell her how beautiful she is. My kids hate her. As my ex-MIL said to me one time – Attie she’s not like you AT ALL (and she meant it as a compliment). Schmoopie used to post on FB “oh it’s Monday morning – oh wait a minute, I forgot, I’m retired” (big happy face). 3 years later and despite his massive pension she had to go back to work and now works 12 hour days with 2 whole weeks vacation time per year (as opposed to 6 over here in Europe – which was what my ex was used to). So they can’t go anywhere because she doesn’t have the vacation time and he’s broke. AND he’s in training to become a school bus driver because he needs the money! Enjoy digging that bus out the Pennsylvania snow at 5 a.m. honey!

Intothelight
Intothelight
3 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Attie, I haven’t been on this site in many months, but your posts used to always crack me up and still do!

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
3 years ago

follow

WonderNoMore
WonderNoMore
3 years ago

None directly for my own cheater other than being who he is, but my sisters ex cheater married his OW, his younger ‘secretary’. This once alpha male is now reduced to going along with whatever she wants, to keep her from going psycho on him, yelling, and yes, kicking him once in front of the kids! She has done really weird things trying to emulate my sister and their former family. To creepy to go into here right now.

Cuzchump
Cuzchump
3 years ago

Karma came a calling for my cousin. After my ex dumped her. She started posting on Facebook that she was broke and needed money. Her car engine blew and she did not have the money for a new car. My ex used to repair her car for her. I was told that she was on the verge if losing her house. If it were anyone else I would emphasize with them. But, in her case she deserves whatever she is dealt. She sure did not care about me or my family. When she was sneaking around behind my back and taking money from my husband.

ChumpDownUnder
ChumpDownUnder
3 years ago
Reply to  Cuzchump

Wow. All these karma stories. It’s me who has the bad karma. My fuckwit left town for his dream job just after he got qualified. He met his new twu wuv & he’s happily sending me & my lawyer crazy by not accepting any settlement offer I make. My latest offer is for 46% much less than I would get if I went to court. But court means $100k & a 2 year wait for a court date.
Meanwhile my car broke, my 2 cats died, I had to put my horse down, I lost my job, my son had seizures and was in life support (he’s better now) and my dog is just holding on to life. I’ve been hospitalised twice with suicidal thoughts. I’m barely holding on. He’s perfectly fine.

ChumpaWumpa
ChumpaWumpa
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

Yea, it seems when the shit starts, it always turns into a mega-cluster fuck. I left my ex (he was dating my ex-best friend), paid almost all of the debt we racked up, got a $146K tax bill, bought a townhouse that is falling apart, can’t drive because I can’t afford the insurance, couldn’t afford to go to a shrink, my good friend died of cancer, the list of shit does continue. The icing on the cake is that in pre-COVID times, I’d see him out at the clubs all over his new Schmoopie (we run in similar circles). I know at least prior to COVID, he went to Madagascar, London and California on my money
However, my first ex-husband did have the karma bat whack him hard. He cheated on me and knocked up the other woman. They got married and had another kid. He found out that she had been sleeping with a bunch of musicians in their hone town. It took 20 years to get that revenge, but so worth the wait.
Karma’s a bitch.

Meanwell
Meanwell
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

I’m so sorry. ❤️????????

Amehzing1836
Amehzing1836
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

Chumpdownunder there are quite a few of us in Aus and I for one am more that happy to help where I can. Not sure how anonymous you want to be but there is a Facebook group or depending on where you are there are contacts with a chump in every state. I’m in SA and if you want to post back can see how to help even if it’s just a safe place to vent. My throwaway email is Charlotte1968@optusnet.com.au if you want to get in touch. Don’t throw away your one precious life on a fuckwit vampire who thinks they’ve sucked all the joy from you. He’s not accepting the $ because he thinks he can keep it all if you give in. The first few years are hard, the repayments on my home was 1/2 my pay whilst he took her on European holidays and bought new cars, they were a double income family. A decade down the track, I’m still here in my forever home, the kids are in Uni, doing well. Life is soo much better, I took myself off to NYC to celebrate my 50th, took the kids and my mum to Europe. I have an amazing network of true friends that I would never have had if fuckwit was still in my life, I’d be feeding his ego instead of doing what I want. As for truwuv, I heard a few months ago that pigface dumped him. Meh….

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

I’m so very sorry for the loss of your animals and your kiddo’s illness. This isn’t “karma,” it’s just life. My cat died during the discard phase of my relationship and a few weeks before D-Day. Those losses make everything else seem worse.

I have a suggestion. Stop offering. Anything. Make the next offer what you think is really fair (55%? 60%? whatever). And then…crickets. At least you won’t be running up lawyer bills making offers he refuses. Let HIM worry about what will happen if he goes to court.

Meanwhile, make a plan for the two years. What do you need to do to get to some level of peace and happiness? I hope you read here every day. That will help. And make sure your therapist is up to the job of helping you find your way back?

Sending big hugs for you, your kiddo and your pupper.

Cuzchump
Cuzchump
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

I am so sorry to hear you are having a bad time. Please do not give into any dark thoughts. When I found out about my husband cheating with my cousin. I drank rum and took pills. No man is worth ending your life over.

Roaring
Roaring
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

Longtime reader (because this site saved my life) but not posting much since Tuesday. Your story reminded me of mine…at first.

Divorced he never looked back (lost weight, got in shape, made new friends, blah blah blah).

Two weeks post-divorce, I contracted a disease and then a terrible infection. Hospitalized three times – missed five months of work. Adult daughter in a downward, suicidal spiral. Trump elected. Mom died.

My life as I knew it ended almost five years ago exactly (10-14-2015) and today I am typing from my own seaside home with views of the Puget Sound and a forest backyard with a puppy snoozing on my lap and a terrific job with a huge pay increase. I have great friends and a stronger connection with my brothers and daughter. I’ve traveled all over the place and taken classes with people I’ve admired for decades. I bought too many beautiful silk blouses on eBay and books are stacked everywhere. I have money in the bank and I own some power tools.

I have long grey hair and I gained back the D-day forty. And a little more. I couldn’t have imagined this life…ever. Particularly after D-day.

And the only thing I remember about my ex (for whom I contemplated suicide) and our twenty-year marriage is the day it ended.

AND THIS WILL BE YOU TOO. I know it will. And it is remarkable and humbling and empowering.

Keep coming back to Chumplady and this excellent community of humans.

kat
kat
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

So sorry about your losses and hoping that your dog and son continue to get better.

SuperColossalChump
SuperColossalChump
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

Chumpdownunder, I can so relate and you are not alone. My American state is super fair and covert narcs that can lie well prosper. I cannot seem to divorce mine. Covid has made it worse.

The narcs pity party has sold the court their sads.. .cannot push too hard or “you appear as the bad guy”

Mine has alienated the older kids and working on the youngest one. I keep documentating facts and praying.

Listen to CL. Your dissolution will come, sadly these fucked up control freaks don’t let go and may be longer than usual. Virtual hugs

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

ChumpedDownUnder, sending huge hugs. Once the divorce is finalized things will get much better, I promise.

informal
informal
3 years ago

Things that pull us under after leaving has been discussed before. The accumulation of confusion, high emotions, sadness, and fear that follows make things fell insurmountable for some of us. The good news is that eventually you realize they are normal things that happen as you live.
The first year we left, my dad passed away, we had to put down our dog, I was at fault for a minor car accident, had so many car repairs between me and the kids that I’m surprised aaa still carries us, son had surgery, needed appliances replaced prepared for divorce and court, etc. I could keep listing issues. I cried. I drank. I was paralyzed at times. I went to therapy. I reconnected with family and friends because I was isolated.
Within the past four years- I got divorced, my mom passed away, have a sweet rescue dog, need a roof, appliances need replacing which I can manage, my DD was driving my car and had an accident(she’s fine), still in therapy, the ex has filed against me and we’re scheduled for a four day trial next month so I’m back to prepping for that, Etc. I could keep listing here as well. The difference is now I have distance a perspective. This is normal stuff.
We have a home free of abuse. We went from a house to a mobile home that we remodeled. The wealthy ex is still a disordered asshole who I know is blaming me for his misery while living with his dad waiting for his millions in inheritance. The kids are slowly moving out. DS uses his dad as an atm and recently said he has no soul ( they learn). DD changed her name and has had NC for years. The ex did call her on Father’s Day but not her birthday or holidays. Go figure. I get to plan and decide how I want to live my life. Karma sways in my direction as freedom. For those who barely holding on, dig in tighter and ask for help if needed.

chumpnomore6
chumpnomore6
3 years ago

Chump Down Under, I’m so sorry, that is awful. ((hugs))

But as CL says, hang in there, the fuckwit can’t avoid reality forever.

My ex fuckwit did much the same, refusing to sign things, ignoring solicitor’s letters, refusing to complete his Form E, etc etc. It seemed to go on forever, and I was in despair at times.

But eventually we got to Court, and I was awarded the lot, and he got an £800 barrister’s bill.

I know it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, especially with all the sad stuff you’re having to go through, but it *will* come to an end at some point, and you’ll be free to move on and gain a life. Hugs to you. ????????????

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

I am so sorry.

Please read and reread what CL says.

I will be thinking of you, and if you are ok with it; praying for you.

Mehverly Hills 90210
Mehverly Hills 90210
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

I had a similar run of bad luck post dday too. It really messes you, I’m sorry you’re having such a rough go of it. But one bright spot was always knowing I had done my best in my marriage and he is scum. A woman I don’t know recently tracked me down hoping to get some answers from me regarding my ex. She is suing him for fraud. I didn’t respond to her inquiry as I have no interest in engaging with him in any way and didn’t want to jeopardize the divorce settlement but I sure hope she handed him his ass in court! Hang in there, Chump Down Under. XOXO

ChumpDownUnder
ChumpDownUnder
3 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you CL & everyone else for your kindness & empathy. It means such a lot right now.
We’ve asked him to go to arbitration which I guess is similar to a divorce master which would give us a binding agreement without the expense & time of going to court & he refused. He also refused mediation. I don’t think we have anything in our family law act that allows spousal support but I’ll ask my lawyer. I have 4 weeks left in my job & despite numerous applications nothing on the horizon. He knows I’m unemployed as he put ‘unemployed’ as my occupation in the divorce papers I got served. Which hurt a lot as he knew it would. I think I’ll have to give notice at my rental house & go couch surfing until he gets bored. Trouble is the money from our property is in a lawyers trust account & I can’t access welfare payments because of it. So no income at all. I’ve never been in this position before and I’m terrified.

Tessie
Tessie
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

Aww, Chumpdownunder, I am also sending great big hugs. I know it seems bleak right now, but believe me, things will get better. The biggest reason is that there will come a time when you will no longer have to deal with the colossal fuckwit at all. You will be free to move forward without a fw millstone around your neck. It makes a huge difference.

I know this first hand. Within the span of 18 months, I lost my son, my home, all my pets and all my belongings save a very few. It as all due to the actions of cheater ex and his family. All I had was an old car and basically the clothes on my back. And a miracle stepped in as people rallied around me both when my son was killed, and when my house was burned. I was provided what I needed at the time and on an ongoing basis. I had to admit I was powerless over the situation and turn it over to Spirit, my name for my higher power.

It’s funny, when I turn things over and let go, it opens the way for amazing things to happen. Admittedly, I have never turned over anything that didn’t have plenty of claw marks on it. But eventually it stays turned over, and good things happen. Not necessarily what I envisioned, but ultimately, something better. I think of it as building a foundation for a miracle.

My prayers go with you, and I just know better times are ahead for you.

ChumpDownUnder
ChumpDownUnder
3 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Thank you. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that heartbreak as well as the heartbreak of a cheater. So glad you had support and that it got better

kimsoverit
kimsoverit
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

I was in a similar situation with the house proceeds in trust with a lawyer. My lawyer applied to the judge for a partial release of emergency funds for me. Even though ex got an equal share distributed to himself, at least I got what I needed to keep going. Please ask your counsel what is possible under these difficult circumstances. I wish you were here in the US, you could stay with me too! I wish you all the best.

ChumpDownUnder
ChumpDownUnder
3 years ago
Reply to  kimsoverit

Thank you. I’ll ask my lawyer if there’s a possibility of a court date for emergency funds

Hcard
Hcard
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

Chumpdownunder, he is thinking since you went 46%, if he drags it on you agree to much less. Double down, ask for 75%. He isn’t going to play nice , no matter what your situation. Every time he balks, go higher. You can eat this shit sandwich knowing there will be an end. Taking his ass to the cleaners will be like putting a little ranch dressing on that sandwich.
Start asking for help now, don’t wait. If there is no-one else who can help, start contacting churches, synagogues, women’s groups. Think outside the box. You got this. Kick ass

chumpnomore6
chumpnomore6
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

Fucking, *fucking* bastard. I hope the fucker rots in hell. I’m so sorry. xx

My ex fuckwit did the same, he didn’t refuse mediation, he just ignored it, which came back to bite him in the arse, as I told you. I do so hope you get the same result. Because no matter what delaying tactics he’s playing out, eventually there will be a resolution, whether he likes it or not.

Have you no family you could stay with, or borrow from? What about friends? Maybe a friend or two could lend you something to tide you over?

Re the welfare situation, (if you don’t get a job before then) there is money in the account, isn’t there someway your lawyer could get some access for you, given you’ll be in such a situation? I take it you’re in Oz or NZ, is there *no* provision for people in your situation, you can’t be the only one!

This is just so *bloody* unfair. I’m so sorry.

But if worst comes to worst, and you have to couch surf for a while, grit your teeth and get through it, because it *will* come to a resolution eventually. Xx

I wish you were in the UK, you could stay with me. ????

ChumpDownUnder
ChumpDownUnder
3 years ago
Reply to  chumpnomore6

Aww thanks CNM. that’s really kind. It’s eye opening when your cheater not only is a cheater and a liar but a sociopath as well. But my psychologist warned me that he was some years back. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it.

Mitz
Mitz
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDownUnder

Yup, mine got the house, our cottage and the kids, and I pay him support for one of the kids. But I would never, ever want to be his wife again. He is a low down, scum sucking POS who has fooled a lot of people. At the end I said I will live in a tent rather than live with his lying scheming ass. I ended up living with a relative for 9 months. Being away from their abuse is what counts. Things sort themselves out in time. If you have to be your own lawyer then do it. Don’t settle for too little. Couch surfing is worth it if you can get this settled.

Kathleen
Kathleen
3 years ago

My post is a repeat but I think interesting to some. My 35 year marriage was destroyed by my ex husband and the OtherWhore. After finding out about his 2 year affair, I divorced him and he had to legally leave our marital home. The cruelty and humiliation was very intense but I feel Karma is real now.
After he moved into the whores home 2 years later she was killed in a car accident. He quickly moved into another woman’s home where he is today. We have no communication whatsoever being he never apologized just walked out never looking back.
My son just informed me he recently had colon cancer which they took care of but now he needs open heart surgery. When I had breast cancer years ago he was cold and uncaring. So I feel that Karma showed up in his life.
But he’s not my problem anymore.

chumpnomore6
chumpnomore6
3 years ago

Hmm.

Not sure if it’s karma, but I was awarded the whole proceeds of the sale of our home in the divorce settlement, plus all contents. He got an £800 barrister’s bill. ????????

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
3 years ago
Reply to  chumpnomore6

So glad you got that. That seems reasonable to be given the suffering he caused.

I would call that reaping what you sow, but I am not a big Karma believer. At least not as I understand it.

I do believe in reaping what you sow, and in that sense my ex FW has done that. But, he has brought all of his woes down on himself, the universe didn’t do it. The only thing he suffered is a really bad heart attack, but to me that can happen to good and bad folks, so I don’t like to think of that as Karma or reaping…

Having said all that, my guess is my ex FW and schmoopie are still going on blaming everyone else, and never once looking at the common denominator of most of their struggles.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
3 years ago

About a year ago, when my ex told our three adult children about his multiyear affair, they immediately went NC. There’s one grandchild in the picture who was 6-months old on D-Day.

My kids say their estrangement stems not only from the affair (which reveals a level of depravity, entitlement, and ability to lie that they can’t stomach), but also from the years of emotional abuse they’d endured (my albatross!). Little did my ex know he was hanging by the thinnest of threads even before the revelation. To this day he insists he was “a great dad.”

Will they remain NC with him? I don’t know. It’ll be a year in less than a week. I’ve told them I don’t want to be an obstacle to their reconnecting with him. To my knowledge, that hasn’t happened.

Interestingly enough, my ex never asks me how the kids are doing. My chumpy self half expected the occasional email like this: “Hey, I know the kids aren’t talking to me, but please reassure me that they are well.” Zip. Zero. Zilch. You know why? He’s too angry. His ego is too bruised. He’s unable to think of their wellbeing. He feels unfairly punished, the victim of excessive “venom.” He’s threatened us with the wrath of God.

Anyway, his OW (maybe his wife by now?) has to live with someone like that, someone who looks after number one and ignores the needs of others, someone who is pathologially quiet (no personality) and obsesses about fly fishing, someone who controls by stomping around in silent anger, leaving people guessing “what’s wrong?”

And he’s stuck with a woman who cheated on my ex while she was also married and with children–a woman who felt no shame in sleeping in our bed, who agreed to get massive, matching upper-thigh fish tattoos, who lied to her own spouse.

I’ll take to the bank what the mediator/judge (badass woman in her upper 60s who’s seen it all) whispered to me: “He’ll marry her, and they’ll divorce in two years.”

So all this is karma/schadenfruede.

Meanwhile, I’m slowly gaining a life, figuring out what *I* like to do and value. For starters, I value my kids and grandchild. They are central to my new life. And I’m thankful that I’m out from under the opressive rock of a marriage that I didn’t even realize was oppressive at the time. I’m reborn at 60!

MidwestChump
MidwestChump
3 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Your ex FW sounds a bit like mine. “Pathologically quiet” YES! “Stomps around” YES! “Oppressive rock of a marriage” YES! After 28 years with him trying to get me to dim my light… shhh me… ask “Why does everyone say you are so great?” etc. I am learning it is because I am great. His sister even said, after I expressed I would miss her, “We are sisters forever. He’s the douche bag. Not you.” He is moving this month to live in the city with his schmoopie. My adult daughter does maintain contact with him, but I will keep all holidays. Yay me! As my new farmer BF says… “You reap what you sow.” May my ex FW and his Schmoopie get EVERYTHING in life they deserve. Even if it is just each other.

Eve
Eve
3 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

My three young adult kids (26, 24 and 21) have been zero contact with The Lying Liar for 5 years. Stone cold, brick wall, you are dead to me zero contact. Also zero contact with his entire set of family, friends and flying monkeys. Meanwhile, the four of us are tight as ticks.

It’s better described as “the consequences of his poor character and terrible decisions.” Sucks to suck, as the kids say.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
3 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Correction. I meant to write that she’s a women who cheated *with* my ex (not “on) although that might have been a Freuidian slip (picturing her on him. ugh).

Falconchump
Falconchump
3 years ago

My ex had a life-threatening motorcycle accident and was in a coma for several days. He tells our adult daughter (who doesn’t speak to him because of his behavior) he was “in agony for months and still has permanent repercussions from the accident” (note the pity channel). The karma? He told me he was leaving because I “didn’t support his interests”, i.e., I told him repeatedly that motorcycle-riding was dangerous. (duh). Didn’t stop him from buying 3 motorcycles and riding nonstop. The only reason he’s alive at all is because I bought him an $800 state-of-the-art helmet – the last present I gave him before he left. The karma? The accident happened on our anniversary, the first one after he left.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
3 years ago
Reply to  Falconchump

Accidents on key dates– not accidents.

Though many FWs tend to forget every anniversary and kid birthday till the last second on a conscious level, I think all intimate abuse is, in essence, re-enactment of some long dissociated childhood shitstorm or other. On an unconscious level, all those dates may get carved into their genetic codes and they repeat patterns accordingly. Inexplicaple anger or back problems or illnesses on holidays, sabotaging birthdays, epic tantrums or betrayals that repeat around the same time each year, etc.

Interesting if key dates from the marriage a FW blows up get thrown onto the heap of buried traumas as well. How fun for the next sucker who gets saddled with that “re-enactment.”

nomar
nomar
3 years ago

What we call karma is often the natural consequence of a series of stupid and selfish decisions by the cheater. Once the cheater loses their Chump Rescue Squad, the consequences wash over them like the waves of a polluted and garbage-filled ocean. #GlubGlub

twiceachump
twiceachump
3 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Someone else from CN called this ‘karmaquences’ which pretty much sums it all up once a cheater no longer has a sane partner to bail them out!

Wiser Now
Wiser Now
3 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. 🙂

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
3 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Exactly.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
3 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Exactly.

They are who they are. As are we.

I didn’t have near as many resources to work with after the divorce, but because I was careful with my money, I ended up in a better place.

I didn’t blow up my relationship with my son and his family because I treat them as well as others with respect. He blew it up.

I have had minor consequences of stupid things I have done in the past, but nothing on the FWs level. Also, I generally learn from my mistakes.

Egans
Egans
3 years ago
Reply to  nomar

You’ve hit the nail on the head. Love this. So true.

Linda
Linda
3 years ago
Reply to  nomar

So true!

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
3 years ago
Reply to  Linda

Nomar,

Chump Rescue Squad. Haha! Love this image!!!

I think my ex recently had a fallout with his only sibling. I wasn’t there to patch things, a chumpy job I did for 35 years. Ah, so many unappreciated rescues! #GlubGlub indeed!

Mitz
Mitz
3 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Yes, my ex lost his relationship with both of his siblings after we split. I wasn’t there to reel in his spite.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
3 years ago

So, Trying ti Be Hopeful: What’s your setback? Why will Karma for the cheater make that better for you?

My own Karma story is simple. Jackass really hurt me, but I’m just a small incident in his long life of wounding others. The MOW in my situation was discarded years ago. I don’t know anything about his latest marriage, but he’s past the first year and there’s no reason to believe he will treat her any better than he treated others. I’d wager that he will be more careful to hide his activity because he’s getting older and he has no financial safety net. So she’s probably the “nurse and the purse” for his retirement. I do know he has a “work wife,” so he hasn’t had a personality transplant. He is what he is. Wife #3 will get the anger and the contempt once the lovebombing stage is over–or once she starts to have expectations of him. This is an assessment based on common sense, not any need for a karma bus hit on him. He’s on the 3rd go-around in his current job–he’s quit there twice before because (as he whines) they don’t value him enough. That place and those people haven’t changed either. The best predictor of the future is the past.

What worries me, Trying to Be Hopeful, is that your hope seems to be build on what happens to him. Pin your hopes on yourself, on what you can do every day to get through the stage you find yourself in. If you are close in time to D-Day, in the middle of separation or divorce, or dealing with a jackass who can’t let you go in peace, it’s hard to separate our thinking from what a jackass is up to. But that’s your real hope, to separate as much as possible, your life, your thoughts, your time, and your emotions from someone who is dangerous and destructive to you.

Be hopeful about the kind of life you can make once you are legally free of your X–even if you have kids with him. Put your thoughts and energies there. If you aren’t in the same house with him–he’s the past, in terms of your attachment to him.

Dude-ette
Dude-ette
3 years ago

The irony of karma on today of all days . . . Chump Lady, you are hilarious. My karma story has a similar irony.

The day we were going into mediation, both attorneys had to have their statement letters to the retired judge/mediator by a certain time, with a copy to the other party’s attorney. My attorney forwarded the ex husband’s letter, which opened with “XH has just been diagnosed with stage 4 throat and tongue cancer . . . “. I was in shock, googled the exact wording, and then learned that traditional oral cancer is deadly but HPV cancer is highly treatable, even if it’s stage 4. I was pretty sure it would end up being HPV positive, which of course, it was.

Hopium4years
Hopium4years
3 years ago
Reply to  Dude-ette

We see what CL did there, right Dude-ette?

I actually texted a photo of a karma bus last night to other family members who, like me, are night owls. I don’t wish anyone to become ill and I hope it’s a mild case, but if anyone needed a karmic wake-up call, it was THAT person. And he’s a known cheater too.

Dude-ette
Dude-ette
3 years ago
Reply to  Hopium4years

My favorite sign from the second women’s march was “Let he who has raw dogged a porn star and had five children with three women be the first to cast a stone.”

Humor is a sign of intelligence and Chump Lady has it in spades. ❤️

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
3 years ago
Reply to  Hopium4years

Yep.

CrazyDogLady
CrazyDogLady
3 years ago

Nearly 4 years divorced here. My karma story? I really don’t care what happens to him. He’s an asshole and always will be. My life without him is SO MUCH BETTER. Holy crap, I wasn’t aware how miserable he made me. I’m raising two wonderful kids, and the three of us have such a good time together. I’m glad he’s (mostly) out of my life.

Rebecca
Rebecca
3 years ago

The beginning of every month when I see the sizable sum appear in my bank account, I know how much it pains and angers the ex to send that money! I also know he HATES paying me.

I smile. He has another 7 years of paying me while I enjoy the money and the lifestyle and savings it affords me. He has to pay unless he’s dead.

I know from others that his income was decreased during Covid and he has his multimillion dollar apartment on the market when no one is buying where he is.

He has almost zero relationship with his 2 adult children which bothers him because it makes him look like a schmuck.

Too bad. So sad.

????

dumberer
dumberer
3 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

Way back when he was still pretending he was going to be Nice, he asked how much child support I thought would be reasonable. I asked for $900 a month, with a breakdown of what it was for etc etc. What?!!! That’s extortion!!! So he demanded a formal assessment via the tax Dept.
Their reply? $618. A week. ????
He doesn’t pay very often but the arrears are HUGE and I get his tax refund every year as arrears.

KarenE
KarenE
3 years ago
Reply to  dumberer

Love this! They always think, in their narc arrogance, that they can get what they WANT, everyone will see things their way. And then reality intrudes ….

Newlady15
Newlady15
3 years ago

My favorite is the ex who sold me his share of our large property at an agreed upon price based on realtors’ opinions of value. Enter a real estate bubble here. I sold it 3 months after we signed our agreement for $250k more( helped make up for the retirement fund he stole and blew before we separated. Another one is one day when he came to the property( before I bought him out he was still working in the shop). He yelled at me that he couldn’t “get it up” and that’s why he was going to a doctor. I just said funny—you never had that problem with me and closed the door on his nasty face. More recently his slut’s brother and his wife had to move in with them because of covid and her elderly dad didn’t return to Portugal for 6 months as well, so 5 adults and a teenage girl crammed in a tiny semi detached house full of crap because the skank is a hoarder. Sounds like fun and I admit gave me a smile. Not very meh but all very satisfying I admit.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
3 years ago

I don’t use my real name online for two reasons – my employer and my cheating ex, the cowardly liar.

Today, a Twitter pal of mine retweeted the cowardly liar – because degrees of separation are like that. (Distinctive name, was definitely him.)

This serial cheating, indiscriminate, deceptive, toxic, empathy-starved, child-hunting, altogether horrifying person posted a tweet describing a celebrity as having “poor impulse control”.

I laughed so hard I thought I might vomit. I hope somebody is holding his beer. ????

Me today: Stable, well-rooted, strong, clear, deep meaningful relationships in life, remarried, good place.

Him today: Divorced after being remarried so many times I’ve lost count (6?), once to a 16 year old (in his early 30s), wealthy but still “that guy”, nobody who follows him is a person either of us knew back in the day (guess they learned over time who he is without me there to take care of the important stuff), still pretending and still the same charm-rage-self pity guy he always was. Talk about poor impulse control.

My life is so much better without him in it.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
3 years ago

The Craigslist “sole mate” moved here to live happily ever after with Prince Upchuck.

Our daughter caught him on Tinder and the Sole Mate caught him going to the illicit massage parlors.

No tag backs!!

And thanks for taking out the trash for me.

They are “sole mates”. A pair of heels.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
3 years ago

“Sole mates” is priceless.

BetterwAge
BetterwAge
3 years ago

Karma named Covid

His OW got pissed about his relentless talk of being younger in his spirit and insinuating that he deserved younger…so she called me and told me everything.

We split and divorced. He eventually moved to another state with is MUCH younger new girlfriend, because no one around here understood their love. She got bored and left him in Feb of 2020. So now he is stuck in a new state, no friends, no family and no way to date because of Covid.

anuthatch
anuthatch
3 years ago

I also have a broken or fractured wiener story. Shortly before kicking X out. I had suspected he was cheating..again. He got back home after another “work” trip. He informed me he had hurt himself while out of town. The story I got was he was half asleep and went to adjust himself, getting his manhood caught in his underwear. lol This little mishap actually fractured his penis, resulting in wearing a splint for 4 months, a total of 9 injections and a quick surgical procedure to address the scar tissue. Bwhhaaa. After receiving his financials I realized the howorker was indeed in Las Vegas with him that weekend.

unicornomore
unicornomore
3 years ago
Reply to  anuthatch

Yea, he fractured his penis rolling over in bed. My cheater came home from a bike ride with a broken kneecap…wild story about a wild dog and hitting a rock. I now think he was caught by a jealous husband.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
3 years ago
Reply to  anuthatch

That’s an awesome story.

Traveling the World
Traveling the World
3 years ago

I guess I’m “lucky” in that the Karma Bus made several stops… they just weren’t how I thought they’d work out, nor on the schedule.
Let’s see…
– My serial cheater ex essentially ran off to be with AP #3. He had told her he was living with his “ex” wife, because it was so hard to find an apartment where we live. (FYI, that is TOTAL bunk). She ran off, thinking he would gladly leave his own “ex” spouse to move in to her apartment she found, and… guess what? She wasn’t an “ex” anything, and he didn’t want to leave her, surprise, surprise!
Oh, the schadenfreude I had!
– She’s tried to come back, at least 4 times, and I’ve turned her down each time.
– While we were married, she would often bemoan what she thought were my less-attractive qualities, namely:
1) I was not tall (I’m 5’8″)
2) I have a receding hairline, and
3) I like things that are “not cool” in her words, like watching superhero movies
I found this to be insulting and infuriating. I don’t miss it at all.
Well, now she’s got a new boyfriend. What do you suppose he’s like?
1) He’s a couple of inches shorter than me
2) He’s completely bald, and
3) He is SO into nerdy stuff; he goes to comic-cons and dresses up as a cosplay character
Ha ha!

Left It ALL Behind
Left It ALL Behind
3 years ago

I tried to reply and it has been stuck with a mediator. Try again.

Your X knows nothing. If I decide to date again, and the guy hates superhero movies, that would be a deal breaker. Binge watching Avengers is a must. I just hope that your X’s new boyfriend hasn’t cos-played anyone you love and ruined it for you!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
3 years ago

Watching superhero movies IS cool.

ThursdaysChild
ThursdaysChild
3 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Agreed.

WiserChump
WiserChump
3 years ago
Reply to  ThursdaysChild

Totally cool! Also down for space and time travel.

Left It ALL Behind
Left It ALL Behind
3 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Agreed! Love Marvel and COVID has completely ruined my universe. Kids (age 17 and 15) are desperate for Disney to finish the Avengers training campus.

Traveling the World, you are totally cool. Hope the new guy hasn’t cosplayed anyone you love and ruined it for you. I feel so passionately about this that I wonder if I can add to the settlement that STBXH is banned from seeing anymore Marvel movies going forward. That would be nice karma!

LeftAssHatRanch
LeftAssHatRanch
3 years ago

While it all looks perfect on Facebook with victim/wife#3 I know what’s coming for her once she’s no longer “useful.” Disrespect, disdain, and a seething, hidden rage because he actually hates everyone.
Glad Asshat is no longer my problem!

LookingforwardstoTuesday
LookingforwardstoTuesday
3 years ago

Hopeful, tell your friend that waiting for karma is unproductive and removes her agency. I am not advocating actively seeking revenge; I am advocating taking control of those things that she can control and making a better life.

5 years out from separation and 3 1/2 years out from the sh*tshow trainwreck of a divorce, I am finally out of debt and saving to buy a house, I have been promoted at work and the kids (I got custody) who were then 11, 16 and 18 and now 16, 21 and 24 are doing well. Most importantly, the toxic POS that my Ex-Wife was and is, has a much reduced impact on all 4 of us; we are all much happier than we have been in years. It will take time to address all of the damage that my Ex-Wife did, but we are a long way towards getting to where we need to be.

If there is an element of karma to this story, it is that her problems are no longer my problems. She now lives with her AP in a house the children refuse to visit. She moans to anyone who will listen that I scr*wed her in the divorce (she did that herself by lying to the Judge). And she is realising that her AP (an Ex-boyfriend of hers, who is twice divorced and broke) is maybe not the catch she thought he was.

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
3 years ago

My good chumpy friend’s cheating wife got a karma payback. But the damage is still there for him and his boys. Even though there was some justice, his fuckwit doesn’t get it, nothing registers. She just keeps on acting like an idiot. The lesson for me is that it won’t matter if the karma bus comes. It doesn’t bring back 35 years of my life and fuckwit wouldn’t get it anyway.

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
3 years ago

I’m not gonna lie… I was not at Meh when I decided to takeover the Karma bus like Sandra Bullock in the movie speed.

Synopsis: Mr. Sparkles decided to leave me and our family for the OW that had a rich family (most of his other dalliances were hookers; gym buddies; Adult Friend Finder live messaging; and personal ads. This particular OW had two children and the ink on her own divorce was barely dry. They met at the gym. She was told we were separated and divorcing when they met (she said).

Plot Twist: I went pain shopping one day because I was tired of their “love to end all loves” that was being thrust in my face daily and my son’s weekend visits. Low and behold, Mr. Sparkles we still out on creepy websites looking for hookups because he was “in a relationship and not looking to change that situation.”

Denouement: OW, her sister (who happens to work for their Father), and I all receive mail that contains the copies of Mr. Sparkles personal ads from a phantom sender (hmmm)…

By the end of that month, almost two years after Mr. Sparkles dumped me and the divorce still wasn’t final… the Karma Bus ran him over and the wealthy OW dumped him hard.

The Sequel began weeks later with a new woman from the gym. They’ve been together almost 3 years now, he is still active online… but I’m at Meh, so the Karma Bus is on its own schedule now.

Moral of the story… jump ahead to your own happy ending and go no contact as soon as possible (and grey rock if you have to co-parent).

chumpnomore
chumpnomore
3 years ago

During our divorce and custody evaluation he was continually telling the evaluator he didn’t have a drinking problem… Before me he had 2 DWI’s and none while with me because I was the driver. Well, Karma came around. Got him at 2am after bar close ON a weekend he had our child no less. Luckily he had dropped her off at his families so he could go for a night of drinking. So, this threw out his claims of he doesn’t drink!!! Luckily this happened because before this I am pretty sure he had the evaluator fooled. This shed some light and evaluator granted more parenting time to me! 🙂

Oh and I only found out because I had to have him EVICTED from our own home (because he was refusing to sell or move) and the week I got the house back his court papers came in the mail. I call this a God Wink. Like God saying here you go.. wink wink this is what you need.

Hope Springs
Hope Springs
3 years ago
Reply to  chumpnomore

Ooohhhh God Wink….I love that! I could use one of those!

Left It ALL Behind
Left It ALL Behind
3 years ago
Reply to  Hope Springs

I love it too! Have have been getting God winks ever since D-day! Perfect description! Thanks Chumpnomore!

Left It ALL Behind
Left It ALL Behind
3 years ago

I have, dang autocorrect!

kb
kb
3 years ago

I’ll start out by saying that while I love a good karma story as much as the next, it’s important to disengage from your cheater regardless of karma. Sure, there are a whole lot of stories about cheaters who have something terrible happen to them, but we’ve also heard the stories of chumps whose lives have been shattered not only emotionally but financially from their cheater’s actions. Karma, though, if you happen to believe in the system, isn’t about what happens in this life, but in the next. Been given everything in this life and yet act without compassion? Bad karma, and the next life won’t be so favorable. Have you had everything taken from you yet manage to live compassionately? The next life is better.

Most of us don’t want to wait for the next life for justice.

That said, I think that what we generally think of when we see our cheaters crash and burn is really the result of bad decisions. In CheaterX’s case, he decided that having an affair and then marrying her after I divorced him was a good idea, despite the fact that she had a history of cheating and that she’d been married twice before and hadn’t done any therapy to figure out what was going on.

No surprise that they got divorced within a year of their marriage. She was already cheating on him with a previous married boyfriend. She had to wait for her boyfriend’s divorce, but she’s now married again. CheaterX, in the meantime, paid off a lot of her debts.

I don’t know what he’s doing now. It’s been almost 5 years since the divorce and I haven’t talked with him since I moved out. I’m sure that no matter what, he’s not happy. He lacks the kind of inner balance that happiness requires. But regardless, he’s just not in my thoughts these days.

Alice
Alice
3 years ago

My ex-husband’s biggest Karma is he doesn’t get me, as his wife, his friend, his neighbor, his anything.

I would have stood by his side and loved him whole heartedly for the rest of my life.

Statistically and as seen here in CN, that’s rare to find in someone. He lost me, that’s his Karma.

WiserChump
WiserChump
3 years ago
Reply to  Alice

Bravo, Alice! Well said!
You sound like some who has a lot of love to give and I hope you find someone more deserving of your precious gift.

Peregrine
Peregrine
3 years ago
Reply to  Alice

Yes, Alice, I think about this. He lost a true friend when he lost me. Goodbye to him.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
3 years ago
Reply to  Alice

I agree, and if he were honest; he likely would too.

I know, who my ex is with, and I know how I treated him. He can lie to everyone, (though I don’t know if he did much of that) but he can’t lie to him self, not really.

They know. We know.

unicornomore
unicornomore
3 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

I think Im with CNM6. My Cheater was a professional warrior and seeming badass but was inside very weak and scared. He self medicated with cheating but knew it was wrong so he concocted an inner narrative that I was a horrible wife who deserved to be cheated on, thus nothing he did was really wrong.

Every detail of his life depended on that lie being true…to admit I was a decent, faithful spouse deserving of decency and fairness would have caused his entire mental house of cards to completely collapse. He held tight to his lie to his last breath.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
3 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

My FW actually wrote me a letter of apology, calling himself a lowlife. (this was pre email/texting) Not sure what that was all about, I just stood there and stared at it after it came in the mail. I kept it in my wallet, and then about a week later it got stolen, at my part time job at Lowes. I never responded or mentioned it to him. We were well on the way to divorce when I got that.

I don’t remember all of it, but part of it was how he didn’t know why he acted like such a low life. So I guess for at least that moment in time he acknowledges he acted like a low life. At the time as I said, it just baffled me. But now I think my thought would be, you acted like a low life because that is who you are. Just like any cheater.

Could he have learned from it and became a better man, yes of course; but nothing in his life has indicated that he did or has.

I do wish I still had the letter, I would send it to CL for the BS translator.

Wiser Now
Wiser Now
3 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

Sounds like a hoover, to me. He wanted cake.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
3 years ago
Reply to  Wiser Now

I am sure that was a part of it. He circled back several times, but I only let him come back once right after we were legally separated and it was an unmitigated disaster. I kicked him out in a week.

I think cake is it mostly, but I also think judging from so much that I read here, that some of these guys are desperately wanting someone to fix them, and they never get that they have to fix themselves.

chumpnomore6
chumpnomore6
3 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

I don’t think I agree with you there, Susie Lee.

I think a *lot* of these people actually *do* lie to themselves. They don’t have the capacity for self-reflection normal people have, for many of them, the lies they tell eventually become the truth they believe.

I remember seeing some emails fuckwit had sent to his estranged daughter, when I was packing up his stuff for him to remove. It was amazing, the glamourised lies he told about various life events, but which he clearly believed to be true.

I remember him telling me he’d been in the SAS, and describing his role in the Iranian Embassy crisis.

My brother, who belongs to the Counter Terrorism Unit in the UK, pointed out to me he knew, and had worked with, many of these types of people, not just SAS, but MI5, MI6 etc, and that these people would never, ever, discuss what they did with anyone. He said fuckwit was a “Walter Mitty”. So true. But I am convinced he believed his own lies. Pathetic, really.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
3 years ago
Reply to  chumpnomore6

You might be right.

I mean he blew up his relationship with his son, and he did apologize; but not until it was too late.

Who knows. I guess that falls under trying to unravel the skein. 🙂

Hope Springs
Hope Springs
3 years ago
Reply to  Alice

Yes! ❤️

Kristen
Kristen
3 years ago
Reply to  Alice

Amen, Alice. I think that’s true of many of us.

Kristen
Kristen
3 years ago

It’s not a dramatic story, but my ex has to live with the natural consequences of being himself. This included the loss of my large extended family (his parents and sibs are all dead) and most of our mutual friends.

He also lost the respect of our children, who slowly stopped seeing him on “his” weekends. I have four amazing, smart, funny, generous, kind children — teens and young adults — who demonstrate their love for me in big and small ways every day. Ex only sees them once a week for an hour or two, and they are guarded and standoffish with him. I was the steady “sane” parent who got us through the upheaval, and now I reap the benefits. He lost these wonderful kids by being who he is. That’s as good as karma gets.

Eric
Eric
3 years ago

My ex got into a relationship a few months after I told her it was over. She ended up getting pregnant about 6 months into dating this new fella (He wasn’t the affair partner). She decided to have an abortion. The guy dumped her the day she had it. Then she found out he had been cheating on her. Then she took him back. lol
She even had the nerve to call me and tell me this story herself. WTF.. Karma for sure.

Kristen
Kristen
3 years ago

Delta, hon, you sound like a rapid crazy person. Are you trying to troll Tracy on her own site? Here, where many of us credit her with having saved our lives? Maybe you should just go back to bed…

Alice
Alice
3 years ago
Reply to  Kristen

I didn’t realize he was referring to Tracy?! I thought he was talking about an ex-wife.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
3 years ago

However did you come up with this topic today? The real problem comes when innocent people get caught up in the wake of Karma. Most narcissists will take down as many others as they can with them.

KarenE
KarenE
3 years ago

Like others here, and CL herself, I don’t think it’s karma at all, it’s not the universe magically punishing cheaters for their ill deeds. It’s mostly selfish, short-sighted people living the consequences of their own choices. And of course others, spouses, kids, family, friends, they also have to live with consequences of cheaters’ choices. But Chumps tend to be quality people, who are far better, over time, at rebuilding their lives in truly satisfying ways, than the Cheaters manage.

But sometimes it’s just bad luck, like a tree falling on their car.

But it’s still super satisfying! Thank you, tree! Thank you, reality, for slapping so many of these idiots in the face, repeatedly.

Julie
Julie
3 years ago

Cheating ex and I divorced 6 years ago. Certainly the most painful time of my life. Since then he has had failure after failure (soul mate dumped him, business failed etc). Just this March was diagnosed with gastric cancer and died in June. At the time of our divorce I would have relished his death. Now with my new found happy life it didn’t even bring me joy. So as Chump Lady says, leading a happy life is the best karma. Don’t waste time on them, it is not worth it. Live your great life!

Chompingchump
Chompingchump
3 years ago

My ex cheated on me while I was in a wheelchair. Now I’m recovered and he’s permanently in a wheelchair. Harsh but true.

Hopium4years
Hopium4years
3 years ago
Reply to  Chompingchump

So glad you have recovered, Chompingchump!!

What a karmic twist though. Wow.

unicornomore
unicornomore
3 years ago
Reply to  Hopium4years

seriously…that is nuts. We had another chump here who was in a bad way with cancer treatment and her cheater and OW wished her dead. She recovered but he died of cancer. I havent seen her here in a while…hope she is still ok

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
3 years ago

“I am lawyer too” An illiterate one at that.
Don’t threaten a person with bodily harm or you’ll suffer legal consequences.

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
3 years ago

Once I got rid of my cheater, I had revenge fantasies. I fantasized he fell off his horse onto a pitch fork and had to contemplate the evil of his behaviour as he slowly died. (Terrible, I know) I have just learned that he had to have major back surgery, to have a rod implanted in his back to keep it from completely collapsing on itself. He will be in significant pain for the rest of his life. Karma and I feel little guilty.

KarenE
KarenE
3 years ago

Bad luck, and no cause for guilt – it’s not like you had the power to bring this on with ill wishes.

Pretty normal and human to wish bad things when we are hurt and angry. It’s our BEHAVIOUR we are actually responsible for. So unless you were slipping him meds that damaged his vertebrae, let yourself off that hood.

KarenE
KarenE
3 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

I mean, let yourself off that hook, of course!

I used to wish my keyboard could read my mind. Now it does, and it’s terrible at it!

Adelante
Adelante
3 years ago

I make it my business not to know anything about my ex’s life, but I like to imagine that an entire family of raccoons has moved into the attic of the house he bought me out of and is wreaking havoc up there. This isn’t so far-fetched, either, because the window on the dormer had slipped cock-eyed on its frame before (and I was also the one to haul myself up into the attic and fix it), and we once had a family of raccoons living in the old chimney (I called someone to have them evicted and the chimney capped).

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
3 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

Too funny! And that you were “the one to haul [yourself] up into the attic and fix it” cracks me up. Of course you were!! I can totally identify! I was known for climbing onto our roof to remove ice and snow. I also humanely trapped the chipmunks who set up a condo under our back patio. I enabled that man so he had time do his very important work of being a physcian (All Hail!). I didn’t realize I was also giving him ample time to make those hotel appointments with his AP.

He’s in a new house now, so I don’t know the house’s ailments (leaks, cracks, chipmunks etc…) but I do like to imagine that he will forget to have the septic system pumped (or not realize it has to be pumped at all!) and suffer the consequences. That would be appropriate.

I’m not at meh.

unicornomore
unicornomore
3 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

I have a septic tank story…

We had a house with a septic tank and there were 7 people living in it. It was 2012 and the house was built in 2003 and had never been pumped because the owner poured a concrete patio over the access hole. The patio needed to be demolished.

Cheater blamed me for EVERYTHING and he wanted to leave but he didnt have the strength to own his shit so he set me up for failure time and again. I begged him to let me get the job done (he controlled everything and would rage if he was defied) . I had decided that I had suffered my last rage from him and I was ready to implement my escape from our wreckonsillyation with the money I had stashed.

One day, the poop would back up, he would blame me and rage and I would leave him…that is what I expected adn I laid awake in bed worrying how that would impact my kids. Instead he dropped dead. Be early the next month, I had the patio torn up and septic drained. They said it wouldnt have lasted another 2 months. I never did get another rage from him.

Left It ALL Behind
Left It ALL Behind
3 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Yup! I know that the STBX won’t maintain the septic tank. Serves him right because he was in Paris with the OW the last time it backed up and I was having to scoop sh!t. And he knew it because the septic company called him first.

We didn’t have chipmunks. Two years in a row, bees infested the roof. It took a high lift and half a day to fix that mess. All my effort, he was nowhere in sight.

Betrayed and Confused
Betrayed and Confused
3 years ago

My cheating ex wife was fucking an illegal alien car detailer. He was 8 years younger than her So, that ended over a year ago and went on to duck another married woman and broke up her marriage and was cheating with her prob even before me and my ex physically split. Lol, they ended up fighting over the dog. Yes her soapy soul mate, sorry twin flame, gave our kids and her a dog and took it back. Well, things didn’t work out with the new girl either, sorry sponge. And my ex is now dating a divorced dad who is 11 years older than her. That’s right, the white republican volunteer fire fighter is old enough to be the illegal Salvadorian immigrants dad. I would if he knows who he is sloppy seconds too. (Seems like he’s a cheater too) Me, great credit, no debt, great job, bought new townhouse. My ex, debt ridden renter of 900 sf apartment but old balls stays over sometime. His ex got the corvette. Lol

SouthernChump
SouthernChump
3 years ago

I’ll make this quick as possible since I’m getting ready for work. Ex was cheating on me with Sumo wrestler next door neighbor sidepiece (found her leopard print underwear in the couch while I was working 3 jobs, getting 2 hours of sleep a night and trying to be some resemblance of a mother to 2 little kids). Ex married Sumo wrestler next door neighbor sidepiece and they proceed to put me through a nasty 2 yr custody battle, tried to removed me from my kids medical, dental and school records (smoochie posed as me, removed me, added her name as their mother and I had to take my and my children’s birth certificate along with any and all identification to get her name off and my name back on….flagging her & him to anyone and everyone who dealt with my kids – it was a fucking nightmare), they threatened me, stalked me, threatened my kids, made my daughter lie about me, convinced my narc father and step mother to go after me flying monkey style, etc. The horrible shit that ensued was just that – Fucking Horrible! Then on my 39th birthday (approximately 2 years ago) I receive a call after taking a trip to Sedona by myself giving all this shit over to God and the Universe so I could get some peace and happiness in my heart and move on with my life…..and guess what???? Sumo Wrestler Next Door Sidepiece lived up to her reputation and beat the crap out of my ex husband, she called the cops and blamed him (lucky for him our kids were there….not so lucky for them….and saw everything and told the truth about how she beat him). I had just won our custody battle and he HAD to tell me otherwise he would loose custody of the kids and have to pay more child support. I have to admit it was the best birthday present ever! (Thank you God)

kimsoverit
kimsoverit
3 years ago
Reply to  SouthernChump

@SC, that is some high efficiency karma from the Universe/God!! lol

“got a call after taking a trip to Sedona by myself giving all this shit over to God and the Universe so I could get some peace and happiness in my heart and move on with my life”…

ChumpyChump
ChumpyChump
3 years ago

I stayed for 24 years. I took a lot of verbal and mental abuse but somehow didn’t see the cheating….until I did! After I moved out, he started and affair with my son’s teacher. (Who was also married and her husband was dying of cancer) Anyways, he decided to buy and display a copy of Kama Sutra on his coffee table for my teenagers and anyone who walked into his home to see. It was so embarrassing for them and my son asked him to put it away. He refused, the affair went on, her husband died, they came out as a couple a week later, they are getting married in June, and just bought a huge home with the help of her dead hubby’s retirement. Now it’s not just Karma that is coming for them….it’s KARMA SUTRA! LOL!

unicornomore
unicornomore
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyChump

She bought her new man a house with her dead husbands death-money…..that is a recipe for bad karma in itself. My lateCheaters death money rightfully belongs to me and my children. My new husband gains nothing from it nor does he want to. I would not have wanted a man interested in 1 penny of my his death-money.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyChump

Karma Sutral! OMG! I just spit out my coffee. Thanks.

Skunkcabbage
Skunkcabbage
3 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyChump

Maybe he’ll break his dick trying out some of those positions. One can only hope.

Crystal
Crystal
3 years ago

Tracy, Just have to say i looove this topic. For some strange reason, it feels amazingly apropos. You are an amazingly classy woman /and funny as hell:) Thanks for all you do!!

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
3 years ago
Reply to  Crystal

Apropos for some reason. Yup.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
3 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Yeah, karma is just the logical consequences of stupid, careless, dangerous, thoughtless, selfish behavior.

chumpnomore6
chumpnomore6
3 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Sometimes there aren’t even consequences.

I don’t believe in karma in this context, Kara, (whom I assume is a Buddhist) has pointed out that karma, if it exists, comes in the next life, (if there is one) not this.

Susie Lee expresses it as “you reap what you sow”. Sometimes that’s true, but an awful lot of times it isn’t, just look at politicians, or Nazi war criminals.

Neither do I believe in the New Agey stuff of “everything happens for a reason”.

I think the universe is just random. Sometimes shit bags get what they deserve, but a lot of times they don’t, they even flourish. And the same holds true for good people, sometimes they’re rewarded, a lot of times they get shat on.

All any of us can do is follow our own code, what we know to be decent, and sometimes that’s all we have. It’s an unjust, unfair world, all we can do is our best, and hope we and others don’t get too fucked over.

Zip
Zip
3 years ago
Reply to  chumpnomore6

????????????????????????

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
3 years ago
Reply to  chumpnomore6

Yep, but I don’t conflate Karma and Reap what you sow. I think they are two different things.

I do hate the saying “everything happens for a reason” Well I guess it could be true, if you acknowledge that many times the reason is because someone does something evil or stupid that hurts others.

The reason FWs cheat is because they are selfish cheaters, and their actions hurt the betrayed. It doesn’t give them a cosmic pass to shit all over people. Many times folks who like to say that are just trying to put a positive spin on their shitty actions.

chumpnomore6
chumpnomore6
3 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

Yep. ????

Bruno
Bruno
3 years ago

How about reverse karma?
XW Jesus cheater grew up believing everything that happened was because God willed it. Our marriage was because God planned it. God sent her a stray kitten when her previous cat died suddenly. Many, many more examples are available. Maybe some of you believe this too, but I feel it makes God into a monster when we consider the evil events in the world.
So to shorten the story, she finds another Jesus cheater and divorces me. They last a few years and break up. The she steps in a hole on the school playground and needs major knee surgery. Followed by breast cancer, mastectomy, chemo and a botched reconstruction that got infected and had to be done over.
I take no joy in this, nor do I believe it is karma.
But I am sure that she believes it.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
3 years ago
Reply to  Bruno

Oh I bet she does. Ouch. That is the danger inherent in thinking “everything happens for a reason.”

JO
JO
3 years ago

No karma in sight here. In fact, ex seems to have a lot of things working in his favor right now. New job, parents bought him a house, he’s out and about dating while I’m taking care of our baby most of the time. He’s managed to convince everyone that despite leaving his wife, step son and three month old, he’s still a great guy. I’m frustrated today but I’m enjoying seeing that there is karma for some. I feel like if I made half of the destructive choices my ex has made, I would not be succeeding like he is right now.

KarenE
KarenE
3 years ago
Reply to  JO

Jo, part of the consequences for his shitty choices is what will happen to his relationships with the kids over time. They are little now, but they will figure out who he really is, just as they will see who you really are.

Your life is harder and a lot more work than his right now. But YOU are doing the hard stuff that has true value, and that will bring you many years of joy and close relationships. His life will continue to be empty, despite the outward ease.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
3 years ago
Reply to  JO

Jo,

Don’t be fooled. You’re the mighty mom! He’s not with his baby. Everyone knows that a man who cheats on his wife while pregnant is a total scumbag. He can’t image manage his way out of that. And I hope you get to the point of shrugging off his dating etc…

The fact is: he’s shallow! He screws around with escorts etc…Women are just sex objects to him. His karma is being him. CL is right!

I hope you feel better tomorrow.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
3 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

????

JO
JO
3 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Thank you spin – the reminders of his shittyness DO help haha