How this happened is a bit murky on the specifics. (I mean, other than unzipping his trousers and presenting his special friend to his coworkers.)
Asked Monday afternoon about reports that he had exposed himself, Mr. Toobin said in a statement: “I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera. I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers.”
“I thought I had muted the Zoom video,” he added. “I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me.”
Um, dude? Mute is for SOUND. And as you were having a dick selfie moment, literally filming your dick, you had to know the camera was on. Right?
Now apparently the story is, Toobin got a second call for phone sex, which interrupted the video call… and, I don’t know, this is all very complicated. Suffice it to say, my heart goes out to Toobin’s coworkers and his long-suffering wife.
Must we think about Jeffrey Toobin’s dick this morning, Tracy? I’m eating breakfast.
I’m sorry, CN. We must.
Wandering dicks and the mischief they get into are a speciality here, and merit discussion. I mean, poor man, this is the stuff of nightmares! You know that anxiety dream where you have a math class you didn’t study for and you’re roaming the hallway without your pants? Jeffrey is living that!
Okay, but he actually manufactured the whole situation for his personal gratification.
Yes, but who among us hasn’t gotten bored on a Zoom call? They’re stultifying. And nothing jazzes a party up faster than exposing one’s genitals.
Stop the wank shame, people! Mr. Perky needs air. Time.
Enough, Tracy. Enough. I am putting down my breakfast sausage. You’ve ruined it.
For about the first 5 minutes of this scandal (which we’ll all forget tomorrow. Have you met our news cycle?), I felt sorry for Jeffrey Toobin. I enjoy his legal analyses and writing in the New Yorker. But then, I googled. And the full saga of Jeffrey Toobin and his wandering dick came to light.
I lost my sorry.
Like, did you know he had a 10-year affair with his co-worker’s daughter, Casey Greenfield, knocked her up, reportedly told her to get an abortion, and then refused to acknowledge paternity or pay support, until he was forced in court?
Oh, and then after he was found to be the father, has visitations with this poor child every other weekend at his home with his wife and children?
Jeffrey Toobin’s wife — PUT DOWN THE SHIT SANDWICH.
OMG, the epic triangulation, the pick-me dances, the anguish over Jeffrey Toobin’s wandering dick.
I’ve read a lot of wandering dick stories (the blog flipped 33 million on Sunday, btw) and my cynical guess on what happened is this:
The guy enjoys his secrets. The power of people thinking he’s doing one thing (being faithful to his wife, paying attention in a work meeting) and doing another (fucking around, fucking around). It’s duper’s delight. His dick is THAT powerful.
Well, it is… but probably not in the way he imagined right now.