Six months on from D-Day and I’m pissed. Where is my meh? Where is my happiness after the pain and trauma from his affair?
He is now in a relationship with the OW and they are free to post pictures of each other on social media. Why is everyone okay with what they done? Mutual friends of ours liking posts, and leaving love heart emojis as a sign of acceptance and support. What they did is forgotten and forgiven. Why?! Do I pale in significance and don’t render important enough to be cared about?
I’ve done so much work on myself these past 6 months and had been feeling so much stronger, but all it took was to hear he has moved one street over from me and to be shown images on Instagram to have me weeping and feeling like the low-beat loser he made me feel just 6 small months ago. Will I ever escape this feeling and find justice for my suffering and more importantly, happiness?
Miss – Erable
Justice? Oh, it’s all on backorder. It’s the most perverse catalog ever. You rarely get the things you order, if they show up at all.
Much better to focus on the “gain a life” portion of losing a cheater. You control that. I know you want to smother the next person who says “The best revenge is a life well lived.” But it is. He doesn’t control the means of production on your happiness. YOU own that.
In time you’ll realize you lost a cheating fuckwit. He was never a prize. And it really won’t matter what he does or who he does it with. (In a box, with a fox, on his head, with a Fred…) He remains a fuckwit.
Six months on from D-Day and I’m pissed.
Totally normal. It’s early days. This shit is traumatic. The anger keeps you vigilant. Which again, is normal after being violated. As I’ve written here many times, I would MUCH rather have an angry new chump than a sad, paralyzed one. The fighting spirit will get you through. It’s the immobilized limbo chumps I worry about.
Where is my meh?
Miss, it’s been SIX MONTHS. You don’t get meh after six months. I don’t know if this was a shitty boyfriend or a 20-year marriage from what you wrote. Just keep investing in your new life, stay no contact, and don’t give him centrality. Meh is hard-won. It’s a mental battle, especially in the early days.
Where is my happiness after the pain and trauma from his affair?
If you just got chumped and were happily skipping about, deliriously happy, I would seriously wonder about you. If you’re a human who bonds, it hurts like a mofo to un-bond.
What you’re really asking here is: how can HE be happy? Doesn’t he feel the same degree of loss?
NO. Because he swaps out partners like used air filters. If he’s a cheater, his attachments are shallow. Do you really long for the love from someone who’s a deep as a puddle of piss? Or do you miss the lie? The OW “won” a shallow puddle of piss.
I’m not telling you this to make you feel better (down with him! up with you!), it’s simply an observable FACT. People who cheat aren’t deep. That’s what their actions say.
He is now in a relationship with the OW and they are free to post pictures of each other on social media.
And you are free to NOT LOOK AT IT. Why are you doing this? The fastest path to healing is total no contact. Put DOWN the social media!
Why is everyone okay with what they done?
If the world you surround yourself with is okay with you being cheated on, Miss, you need a new world.
Consider this experience a litmus test of who is worthy to be in your life and who is not. Arrange your social register accordingly.
Mutual friends of ours liking posts, and leaving love heart emojis as a sign of acceptance and support.
They aren’t “mutual friends,” they are his friends. And you are his ex. And they’re not that deeply invested in the story. They probably heart emoji-ed a cute puppy video today.
A true friend of YOURS will not heart emoji your cheating ex-boyfriend.
I’m sorry, it’s painful to realize that people were not as close as you once imagined, but again, reassess your standards. Figure out who your true friends are and jettison the others, or demote them to casual acquaintances.
What they did is forgotten and forgiven. Why?! Do I pale in significance and don’t render important enough to be cared about?
Other people don’t give you significance. YOU set your worth. Not them. Don’t look to other people for feelings of importance. Believe in your importance and LIVE IT. If someone treats you like shit? Don’t chase after them for validation. Follow your own set of values and standards.
They just sent you a very clear signal, that yeah, you don’t matter much. To THEM. Okay, that’s valuable information. It says NOTHING about your self-worth. It says they’re shallow people who don’t think too deeply about you or your former relationship. (They’d probably feel a lot different if they were cheated on, and think back to how you might’ve behaved to any of your friends who were chumped once… most people lack perspective and empathy on this.)
all it took was to hear he has moved one street over from me and to be shown images on Instagram to have me weeping and feeling like the low-beat loser he made me feel just 6 small months ago.
His zip code doesn’t make you a loser. STOP FOLLOWING HIM ON INSTAGRAM.
Even the most stalwart of the Meh wouldn’t want to live one block away from a toxic ex. I wouldn’t want to live near a manure lagoon. Consider moving, or just work harder on those boundaries and the no contact. You don’t control where he lives, but you can control how you react. Fake indifference until you feel indifference.
Will I ever escape this feeling
Yes. The pain is finite. Practice no contact. You’ll get there.
and find justice for my suffering
It’s all on back order. Don’t make “justice” contingent on your healing. That’s your work. The karmic scheduler has his own agenda.
and more importantly, happiness?
Again, he doesn’t control the means of production your happiness. Don’t give him that power! He’s a shitty EX.
Let’s say it loudly: ex! EX! EX!!
He’s someone you used to know. Not very well.