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A Gain a Life Update… and Some Schmoopie Karma

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You might recall a UBT from last May, when the OW sent our chump a Mother’s Day card, admonishing her to be best. Civility is for the children!

That was a chuckle. Well, the other day on Facebook, our intrepid chump, Debbie, posted an update to her story, and tagged me. With Debbie’s permission, I’m sharing her kickass gain-a-life mightiness…. plus a smattering of comeuppance for the Schmoopies.

Without further ado….

****

Here’s a little story for the new chumps, and an update for the old ones who know my story.

So chumps… it happened. The Karma bus came. I found out last week that fuckwit and the Ho bag broke up. I heard it from my 10-year-old daughter who was told the very sad news on her court ordered biweekly phone call. This is the pair that fucked in my kitchen when my new baby was 10 weeks old… while I was home. The little neighbor slut who harassed me with emails telling me what a terrible mother I was and that I’d better get used to her being around as she wasn’t going anywhere.

(UBT here.)

I have been grey rock with him (2 minor children) and NC’d the shit out of her. For nearly 4 years.

Now he spends his court-ordered phone calls telling my 10-year-old how sad and lonely he is in the empty house. He is seriously expecting sympathy from the little girl who’s life he turned upside down with his neighbor fucking. He’s complaining about being lonely in a house that she had to leave only to watch slutface and her little girl move in. He texted my daughter pictures of them doing fun things “as a family.” He told her to call them stepmom and step sister… my daughter was disgusted with the whole thing. The court ordered phone calls happened because she would never answer the phone when he called.

Fast forward to last week. She came into my room with her hand covering her mouth after her phone call. I asked her what was up and she blurted out “they’re breaking up and she’s moving out!” Then we both burst out laughing.
Funny thing is… I don’t even care really. Sure, I feel mildly vindicated. But other than that, it makes less than zero difference in my life. Meh.

I on the other hand, have gained a life. I have been blessed with a beautiful man who loves me and loves my children. And he proves that with his actions every single day. He came with 3 of his own children for me to love and in 4 weeks, we will all have one more person to love as I am expecting a Christmas baby.

Life sucks shit chumps. And then it’s blindingly beautiful… once you ditch the losers.

****

I love a good happy ever after story. Thanks Debbie, for sharing the glad tidings of schadenfreude with us this holiday season. And congrats on your new life! Please send me some baby pix for Christmas. 🙂

In the comments, I welcome all shit-to-beautiful life stories and inspiration you have for the newbies.

Or greeting cards Debbie could send to the OW. (But WON’T, because we practice MEH here. Fantasizing, however, is allowed.)

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  • Blessings to you and your family, Debbie!

    Fully agree that if you can just go greyrock/no contact like a boss, follow court orders, and go build a wonderful life (without or with a new relationship) the karma bus will come, but when it does, you will most likely be too busy with your new life to notice or even care.

    My karma bus came about two years after the discard and the divorce was months away from being final when the OW found out Mr. Sparkles was cheating on her (gasp!)… these fuckwits don’t just get personality transplants when they blow up families… they take all their crap life skills with them to the next one.

    Great update!

  • I haven’t commented in a long time, I still read but haven’t done many posts. I thought I would share the update that my X married his AP 2 days after our divorce finaled. He didn’t invite the kids, they didn’t even know he was married until 1 1/2months later when AP posted it on facebook and made it public so we would see it. This was back in 2018, well karma hit them both hard. In 2019 they lost the house to foreclosure, her vehicle was seized – all for non payment, and not because they couldn’t pay. All because they went on trips and spent money on god knows what. Well 1 year almost to the day of them getting married, they lost everything and X was cheating on AP with a new supply. He was couching serving for about 3 months before he found a place to live, has moved 2 times so far this year, now him and the new one are living together. So X left me for AP who was 10 years older than us, well he left AP for a new one who is 11 years younger than him. I hold no ill will towards the new one, I just have nothing to do with her and little to do with my X.
    The best part, I am still in the house, all in my name, all my bills are paid, my kids and I spent most of our summer camping around our province in our new camper. I live on a budget and still have money left over. I am still single, would like someone else in my life but am not settling for less then I deserve. The kids and I do great the 3 of us.
    I will say when X and AP lost the house and everything else, I just was a bit like well karma happens.
    So it does happen, it takes time and I have learned how to no longer be hurt and never really got mad.
    Guess this is meh.

    • TooHurt: what a lovely karma story! Especially the part about your camper trips with your kids. You’re MIGHTY!

    • Fantastic story. It just goes to show that both cheaters and APs continue their self-indulgent ways, living in a fantasy world where they have no adult responsibilities. It will catch up to all of them eventually.

    • Yes, financial stupidity seems so come with the “I dont like rules!” mentality that Cheaters take with them. My Cheater made foolish financial decisions all the time, but my calm sensibility kept our shit in a bucket. When he was going to leave for Schmoopie, he described his plan to me…trouble was it would all require 3x the money he made. He and Schmoopie broke up and I never knew why but I wonder if she (at some point) did the math.

  • Good for you, Debbie! And congratulations! My favorite dessert is a good karma story with a generous dollop of meh! And ICanSeeTheMehComing’s reminder that these cheaters take all their crappy life skills into the next relationship pleases me.

    But it also terrifies me. I worry that I developed crappy skills by being married to a fuckwit, that I don’t really know what a healthy relationship looks like.

    But I’m moving on anyway.

    Today I have my first socially distant “date” (a walk in a park) with someone I met online. I can’t tell you how weird it feels after 35 years of marriage. I’m excited but nervous. Even if nothing comes of it (i.e. we don’t click), it feels good to take this step. I see glimpses of meh on the horizon.

    Good luck to all my fellow chumps!

    • Spinach………if you want a starting point for a healthy relationship look for a fellow who enjoys his job, doesn’t constantly speak ill of his ex, has long term friends, likes pets, and doesn’t hate most of his family. Someone who doesn’t see himself of a victim of life, or want sympathy constantly.

        • My new husband was always decent and respectful in describing his XW when we started dating. It took me time if distantly interfacing with her to realize that she is one of those rare birds who dumps a good man. We hear of them here, they arent as rare as unicorns but I find its unusual for a woman married with kid(s) to dump a good guy. All divorced men claim that it was all her and my guess is that 80% are lying. We chumps have to use wisdom and discernment to figure out who is who.

        • There’s plenty of crazy ex wives and male chumps. My cheating ex is an absolute nightmare to deal with, a pathological liar and schemer. I have had to develop the patience of Job to deal with her.

          So I’m not sure why you act like it’s a red flag for men to point out how insane vindictive ex wives can be.

          • I think because it’s far more common statistically for men to do this as women would tend to put their family first ( sorry not being sexist just honest. )

      • Ooh Mitz I am screenshotting this when I eventually have the courage to date again! I too am afraid because I was so accustomed to bad treatment that I fear I may not recognize a genuinely nice guy in the future. I really hate what cheaters do, the psychological damage they cause, the self esteem down the drain, the mistrust, suspicion, the fear of rejection inherent in us…

        I’m 6 months post divorce and so relieved to be on this new journey of self discovery and freedom. I had to put my 9 and 11 year old in therapy as they were not coping, but otherwise our house is peaceful and pleasant except when the loud-mouthed asshole of a narcissist is here 2 to 3 times a week.

        Karma came in a different kind of way for me though. The AP fell pregnant with ex’s child while we were married which is how I found out that I was married to a liar and cheat. Long story short they never ended their affair and he moved in with her when he left the house in June (we officially separated in March this year). About a month ago they broke up and when he told us the kids laughed in his face. The look on his face was priceless!

        Anyway last weekend while he came to see the kids (even though he spends a few minutes with them and then goes to watch TV in his former office for the rest of his visit) he was clearly trying to press my buttons and proceeded to tell me how much all of us women wanna be all ‘girl power’ but are really just users who want men’s money. And then he asked me, in front of his son, if I missed the sex to which I said ‘NO’ and whether he could give me a few rounds because he knows women can’t refuse his sex. I was absolutely in horror that he, firstly could speak like this in front of his son. BUT for the first time my anger toward the AP disappeared. I even pitied her for a second. Her karma was getting the most rotten man of them all…

        Sometimes we want so much for our ex and AP to be punished mostly by their relationship blowing up, but really their karma is landing up with each other.

        Instead of grabbing the popcorn and waiting for the shitshow of their relationship to reveal itself I choose to focus now on myself, my healing, the fact that I am free, and alot of it has to do with CL and CN. The support here has literally saved my life.

        • Wow, isn’t he a huge stinking turd?!?!? I’m so glad he’s out of your life.

          Now isn’t there a way to get him out of your house? He wants to see the kids, he can do it somewhere else! (My Ex used this excuse for quite a while. I remember talking to my ex-sister-in-law (his brother’s wife) on the phone and her asking if it was true I was done with him. I told her ‘well, he is napping on my couch right now, supposedly here to ‘see the kids’, but yeah, I’m done!. Did I mention I took this call on the other couch in the same room?

        • Is there something you can do with the inappropriate conversations in front of the kids? Kids don’t want to hear that crap from their parents. Then again maybe you don’t want him to take the kids anywhere and have visitation in your home where you can somewhat supervise. What a creep your ex is and I wouldn’t feel too bad for the OW. She doesn’t deserve your sympathy.

      • Unfortunately Mitz you just described my ex – like perfectly. Still best friends with kids from his block for 30 years. Loves his family. Never spoke badly about another ex. Adores his dogs. Never complains when things are bad in his life…like his marriage, which was apparently so awful he had no choice but to run off with someone younger! So sadly those are good red flags but sometimes you get blindsided by someone who presented himself as truly lovely for years turning out to be someone totally different. It makes it all so much harder to process. This isn’t the man I knew!

    • Good luck Spinach! I feel parallel to you because I was with mine for 34 years, and did a date just like yours this weekend. Nervous as heck but the guy is nice, has lots of friends, is close to his family. He was a chump too (actually got custody of his kids, who are now grown).

      • Faithful Rage,

        That’s terrific! I’ve noticed on this site that so my chumps seem to have good success with a fellow chump. Case in point: CL and Mr. CL.

        Thanks for the good wishes. Sounds like your date when well. He seems promising!

    • Respect to you! I’m two years divorced out of a 36 year marriage, and I am nowhere near being able to even think about dating. Enjoy yourself!

      • Thanks, Adelante!

        Frankly, I’m not sure I’m truly ready, but what the hell!

        So we’ll see how this goes. I’m trying to be optimistic. Fake it til you make it!

    • Oh good Spinach. It is so weird but so good to learn that you can take this step.
      I just did the same thing. First ever online connection. Met in a park. I was so excited.. it turned out to not be a connection or an attraction , but it was the best experience. Now I know that I want to keep trying.
      Good luck, enjoy the new you!!

      • Nice! Thanks. Good luck to you, too!

        A new me with hard-won battle scars. I’m proud of those as all of us should be. We’re survivors!

    • I hope you have a great time. It must feel so good to be ready for that. You’re right in that even if the date doesn’t turn out so well, the important thing is that you took the leap and you’ll take it again. That takes guts. Go Spinach!

      • Hah! Thanks, OHFFS.

        There might be a fine line between “guts” and “stupidity.”

        If we have a nice conversation it will be a success. One thing about this guy that is so different from my ex is that he’s a talker! My ex was pathologically quiet–the moping, I’m-angry-with-you-but-won’t-tell-you-why kind of fuckwit.

        • Not Stupid at all! You’re mighty and If any pink/ fire engine red flags show up I have full faith that you’ll get yourself far away. Have fun, I hope they’re lovely 🙂

    • Glad to know you’re getting out there. By now you know what you will and will NOT put up with anymore. I remember saying, and I still believe this, “I’d rather be single the rest of my life than to ever put up with crap again.” What’s nice is that you’re at a point in your life where you don’t have to do anything! Such freedom. When I started a friendship with a man, it was only a friendship. We went on hikes, we met at restaurants and bars, and it was like getting together with my brother. It was great to just get out, laugh, and talk with a friend. I kept looking at him as a ‘possible’ boyfriend, but nothing pushed me further. He recognized that I wasn’t going further with the relationship and he has been respectful of my position. So we are still just friends. Which is great! That alone probably makes him good husband material for another woman, just not for me. However, when I was ready for a man in my life (deeper than friends), I asked God to put someone in my life that He wants for me, and for me to be astute enough to recognize him. And bam! I have a great, great guy in my life, and you know what? We’re the best of friends! It’s amazing that at the age of 60 that I finally know what it’s like to have a best friend. When you’re young you’re looking for someone to have children with. When you’re old, you’re looking for a companion to joke with, go on long walks, sit and hold hands, and absolutely no drama. So if there’s any drama with your new friend, that’s a big red flag and you know now not to go there. Also, when you’re young, you somewhat refrain from showing your bad side to anybody else. When you’re old, you don’t care. If he can’t handle all the idiosyncrasies of an aging woman’s body, show him the door. You don’t live for anybody else but you anymore. Another thing I realized that whoever is in your life, man or woman, if they’re not happy people, then just don’t bother having a serious relationship with them. Unhappy people bring you down. May God bless you with a wonderful man in your life and may you just love life!

    • Re dating again: may I add ( because my ex had all of this and more -except for the friends…..) someone who takes some ownership for past errors…. someone who does not love bomb you – someone who is not enmeshed with his FOO (mother treats him like her husband, his daughter and he are close but boundaries are missing). Someone who doesn’t seem too perfect. Someone who is forgiving.
      Very important: someone who shows empathy ( that’s tough, they can fake it).

  • Whoohoo! Such a great story and the ultimate chump Christmas present!

    In my own world, I think Meh is closer than I think. Karma already stopped by once when our daughter caught him on Tinder while we know he was living with her and keeping it a secret from us.

    But wait! There’s more!

    Last Saturday I found myself a few feet away from the Craigslist Sole Mate in a hair salon. We have never met and with my mask on and baseball hat and sunglasses, a socially sanctioned disguise, she had no idea it was me asking her about the salon services. I then left without revealing my identity. I was dying to book a masked appointment with her and chat her up about, oh, you know, boyfriends and stuff. So I can give the forensic accountants some parameters for looking through our finances. But I left.

    I saw the Monster! Up close just like I was the Invisible Woman! And like a horror movie, when you get to see the monster for too long it becomes not scary at all but funny. I laughed on the way to my car. I am laughing now.

    Karma put her right in my sights and she does not look or sound or act like a prize. He isn’t either. Good luck, Sole Mate losers!

    • VH, this is such a great story, but I have so many questions.

      *Was this premeditated on your part? (i.e., You knew she worked at this salon? Or did you just happen upon her? If so, how do you know it was his “sole mate”?
      *I assume she works at the reception desk? You could really have fun chatting her up. “Balayage or highlights?”
      *Please book an appointment under an assumed name (Mrs. V. Hammer or some such). I want a follow-up story.

      I’m so happy for you! It’s interesting that your daughter spotted his mug on Tinder. That must have been weird/upsetting/funny.

      Anyway, yay for you!

      • Spinach@35, I doubt she planned any of it.
        This is life synchronicity, it just puts us in weird, unexpected situations. In Velvet Hammer case, she had her questions answered. I believe she just found her road sign ” Welcome to Meh”.

      • I knew she cut hair but I did not know where. I knew it was her from her FB page (on which she uses my last name) which I saw in early days after DDay, since blocked. It’s a cheap franchise place…the stylists are also the receptionists. I stopped in for a simple trim; I am foregoing my expensive hair maintenance at my regular salon until quarantine is over.
        Further Googling revealed negative Yelp reviews which mention her by name and mostly warn others to stay away.

        Tracy mentions “fantasies allowed”. There are plenty of hilarious Candid Camera scenarios we can have a lot of fun imagining!

        One time after XH left I saw him and asked him Jesus Christ what the hell happened to his hair. He claimed he had tried to trim it himself….turns out most likely she had done it.

  • I’ve had a few Nelson Muntz moments in the past year. Some rando reached out to me about It cheating on her “of course” and that she is planning on suing him for fraud. Not sure how she knew he cheated on me as I never posted anything about my relationship on social media so I’m guessing she was one of his girlfriends during our mirage. Sorry it didn’t work out, sweetie. HaHa! Another was that It ended up being a Lyft driver for one of my friends. Nothing wrong with an honest days work driving for Lyft, it was just the fact he finally had to work a job at all, he was gainfully underemployed for a solid decade and change while we were together while he worked on his art career. Ha Ha! I also left a toxic job and heard the team I worked with have been let go. Ha Ha! I recently sold my businesses, bought and moved into my dream house, and have officially retired before 50. I just bought a camper as well and am looking forward to hitting the road once it’s safe to travel again. I’m almost 5 years post Dday and if I’m honest, it’s been pretty awful to struggle through and I still have bad days but I’m glad they are just MY bad days and I’m not dealing with anyone else’s sludge pile of emotions and manipulations anymore.

      • Thanks, Motherchumper99:) it’s been a long road. So grateful for everyone here and for Chumplady and all the work she does. I’ve been lurking for a while, and a Patreon subscriber since the start, she saved me a boatload of time and money with her amazing perspective on what cheaters really are. Long live CL! And to all the chumps out there, it does get better 💗

        • I didn’t find CL until after my divorce, but reading the accounts gave me insight to know that the crap that I put up with was not novel and certainly not my fault. The revelation was instrumental in my healing. Congratulations on your life. One of the first things I did post-divorce was to buy myself a little pop-up Aliner trailer. It was another great healing instrument for me. I wasn’t brave enough to go camping by myself, but I did find girlfriends for several outings. All of that was making me appreciate life. It wasn’t till two or three years later that I realized that I wasn’t dealing with drama. Nobody was making me feel bad because I didn’t think of what he wanted or didn’t want. That’s when I decided that I’d rather be single the rest of my life than ever deal with crap again. Go out and don’t be afraid to take your camper anywhere. There are groups on social media that advertise for women travelers. Enjoy your drama-free life!

          • Thanks for the camping tips ! I love road trips and now I’ll be able to roll wherever I want, whenever I want. I had a long, stressful career with infrequent vacations (adulting for 2 takes a lot of time, haha) so I am looking forward to a life where I answer to no one. It’s an exciting future that’s mine to make!

            • Nothing like the open road for a big dose of serenity and freedom. I have been traveling in my motor home for three years now and loving every minute of it. One of the best things is where ever you go you take your home with you, and when you get tired of the view it’s easy to hop into your seat, turn the key and find another fabulous spot. I highly recommend it.

              • Whenever you want, the open road welcomes you to my neck of the woods. It’s a beautiful view, and you can move on whenever you tire of it.

                Warms hugs.

    • “not dealing with anyone else’s sludge pile of emotions and manipulations anymore”

      Amen to that, Mehverly! I’m working toward NC – it’s been tough, with kids, during Covid, when I’m at higher risk and my STBX continues to make things very difficult. She’s definitely an emoter and a manipulator, so I totally agree that shutting down that conduit is Agenda Item #1. All best to you!

      • I’ve been lucky enough to be no contact for almost 5 years now which has absolutely made things easier. We didn’t have kids (I never wanted them) so thankfully, I haven’t had to deal with co-parenting. And we had just moved across the country when his con finally fell apart, he went back to our hometown so we don’t even live in the same time zone, hurray! And now I know not to use Lyft when I go back there, haha. And on my bad days, I’m definitely better than I used to be about realizing that it’s all in my head and I control how I feel and think and I do what I can to take care of myself to change the course of it. Hang in there, LezChump, better days ahead!

        • Thx for the reminder all in my head. Two years since I found out of the affair my daughter was turning one. The affair was with his childhood millionaire girlfriend from Mexico that no one knew about. They had the fairy tale rich wedding this past weekend. He’s seen my daughter 4 times in two years! Total loser did not know what great people he had. Now he has a rich spoiled girl to deal with. So glad I got kicked him out two weeks after I gave him another chance and saw him texting her. Lost 15 years of my life dedicating to a selfish person that did not deserve me. I keep moving everyday to give my daughter the best happy life she can have, one day at a time. karma may not hit them but I am not waiting for it. His karma is he is missing our daughters best moments!

    • Mehverly Hills 90120, congratulations on leaving a cheater and gaining a much better life AND a camper. I wish you all the happiness of the freedom of the road when it’s safe to travel.

      5 years post Dday here too, no kids and it sounds like we’re a similar age. I love your reference to “mirage” and your observation: “And on my bad days, I’m definitely better than I used to be about realizing that it’s all in my head and I control how I feel and think and I do what I can to take care of myself to change the course of it”.

      Even 5 years post Dday, I occasionally still have bad days but my bad days are WAY better than my worst days with the covert narc I was in a “mirage” with. As someone wise wrote here “A good heart is a terrible thing to waste on a f**kwit”.

      I wish you every happiness in your f**kwit-free life

  • I was with my ex husband from age 18 to age 33. I found out he had cheated the whole time (16 admitted affairs). He made me move across the country and ended up moving his latest OW to our new city, left me, our 9 month old baby, a brand new house in boxes, and our dog to “find himself”all on the fourth day of my brand new job. Fast forward five years later and I am happily married to a wonderful, honest, kind man that I met through a mutual friend. My ex kicked the OW out for 6 months and moved her into my apartment complex (yes you read that correctly) when he found out she slept with two of his friends. But, he took her back anyway, knocked her up, and proposed when she threatened to not put his name on the birth certificate if he did not propose. How romantic. They ended up getting married two weeks before I did this summer. My 6 year old son says they fight all the time and the OW dad moved in their basement and has remained there for a few years. It was a tough road. I had lots of therapy and lots of bad dating in my mid-thirties because I was single for the first time since my teens. But, honestly I should send the OW a thank you note for saving me from that life that she now has to live. There is hope and healing out there.

    • I remember being told, “Trust me. Someday you will realize that he did you a favor.” And boy do I ever agree with that statement. I was devastated at my discard. I definitely thought of not living anymore. But life is so, so much better without all of that drama. The pain is finite and there is hope and healing. Congratulations on finding your health and your life.

    • Happiness Found,
      I was with him 18-31.5. Now 32 and waiting for divorce (12 month separation rule).
      I am not quite emotionally ready for dating, while fantasizing on men sometimes. And then I abhor them… Anyways, your experience (except for the bad dating, if evitable??) is really inspiring and cheering me up!! Koodos and congrats my dear!!!!! 👍👍

      • Chumpie, I went to a therapist for over a year before going on one date. Date when/if you are ready. There is no rush. The bad dating was rough, but it taught me valuable lessons and make me cherish what I have now so much more. I am glad to inspire and cheer. You can do this!

    • I’m 35, and I just kicked my cheating fiance out. I’m so nervous I’m going to live my life alone, so I’m glad that you found happiness in a new relationship. Congrats!

  • Ahh! Loving all these stories. And thank you for your kind words.
    I just wanted to mention, that our dear Chump
    Lady left out the part at the end where I thanked her and said I wish there was some way to repay her. Because, that life I gained… I owe it to her. I’m pretty sure there are many of us on the site who feel that way.
    Debbie… aka C U Next Tuesday

    • Dear Debbie, *love* it!

      The UBT bit : I’m not going anywhere”. 😂🤣😂

      I sometimes think I’ll have truly got to meh when I can send the rat faced whore a thank you card. Not that I would, but you know what I mean.

      *So* glad you are happy, and the skank got what skanks deserve. xx

    • Glad that you’re so happy! And a huge congratulations on your Christmas present! I ‘sort of’ saw Karma during Thanksgiving when I spent it camping with my son and his fiancee. We briefly discussed the ex when my son introduced his fiancee. His fiancee said to me that during the brief meeting of the skank, the skank mentioned that she had full access to the dick’s phone and she checks it regularly. So I guess there’s no trust?! (That was a joke.) I cannot imagine living the life of these fuckwits when they marry. What did they think? That life would be bliss being married to their Twu Luv? Happily ever after once they were married to the one with which they had an illicit relationship while married themselves? The dick and I were married 30 years. The skank was married to her husband 35 years. And they were secretly in a relationship for at least 11 years when I found out. And that’s just what I know. What don’t I know? Oh to be a fly on their wall. My son did say several weeks back, “Trust me Mom. Dad is miserable.” Ha!!!

    • Congrats Debbie on your new life! I agree. I don’t know what I would have done without Chump Lady. Her blog was my lifeline! I think the best way to thank her is to become a patron. For me, it’s a small way I can thank her for helping me and others get through such a devastating and horrific experience.

  • My daughter recently got married and my ex and the whore were going to be there. It was to be the first time I had ever seen them together after 3 years. My 3 kiddos are grown, and in the wedding.

    Anywho, I’m checking into the hotel, and some guy walks in as I glace at the door to see if my BF had found a parking spot. You know the feeling you get when someone looks at you and smiles/waves like you should know them and you’re not sure if they’re waving at YOU or the person behind you? Well it was my ex walking in. He has put on so much weight, I didn’t even recognize him with his mask on!

    Fast forward to the wedding, and the whore didn’t come because of Covid, his entire family canceled and he had no one to sit with except 2 “Switzerland” friends. His children ignored him, and he sat at the table and “pouted” the entire time. Meanwhile, my BF and I, my family and the kiddos had an amazing time!

    Yesterday, my DD (the bride) returned to work from her honeymoon, and her boss asked her “what the hell happened to your dad?!” and “Damn, your mom looked HOT!” So while my ex is still together with his whore, he looks miserable, and quite frankly, pitiful. I ALMOST felt sorry for him….not!

    • I fantasize about this exact scenario, but I’m the one who has gained the weight. Oh well… I’ll lose it, maybe, someday. And then maybe not. But I’m happy now and that’s what’s important. My son is supposed to get married in the Spring and he wants the wedding to be at my house in the backyard. I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to handle the ex showing up. Who will answer the door? If I answer the door and he and his skank are there, what will I say? Fortunately, I have a large backyard area and there’s a bathroom out there so there should be no reason for he/her to ever be in my house except to pass through to the rear door. And maybe…, with COVID, I can have all visitors go through a side gate and they won’t even walk through my house. I almost feel sorry for your ex, but he got exactly what he chose. My son has let slip a few not-so-great things that his dad is now dealing with being married to his skank, but like you, I almost feel sorry for him… not! When I said, “He got what he wanted.” My son replied, “No Mom. He didn’t get what he wanted.” I replied, “Well, he got what he chose.” And your ex is getting exactly what he chose.

  • My favorites are the karma stories too. I had a mini shock a few weeks ago when my daughter heard AP say she and X had been together 8 years…. this means he was fucking her for over 2 years before Dday and when she was in her 20s. My 21 year old daughter told her that X had also been cheating with another woman in those days and has done so since he moved in with her 5 years ago when I said GTFO. Several times now women in our community have reached out to tell me X is on Bumble and even dated one for a month until she caught on that he was living with AP. Cheaters cheat and liars lie!

    XH is miserable. Fights with AP 24/7. The kids despise her and barely tolerate him. His health is wrecked— he’s 80lbs heavier and the daily smoking and drinking shows in his older than 52 year old face and body. At the time he blamed our suburban lifestyle for cheating— said he never wanted the house, mortgage, dogs, kids…. well, he bought a way more expensive house, expensive Mercedes, and two puppies in the past two years… guess studio living downtown wasn’t “making” him happy, either. He sucks!

    In 6 years, I’ve divorced and got everything, manage my rentals, got licensed to practice law in a new state, got a new job as a partner in a very hot area of law where I’m making more $ than ever. X will never control me with financial threats ever again. My kids and I have wonderful relationships. I live with my significant other who respects me and wants to be with me. He wants the lifestyle I want: monogamy and health and family-centered. We are building a real estate brokerage, got our licenses and have had 4 deals already despite the Pandemic— all while working full time at our other jobs. In 2 years my last child will be grown and we plan to become snowbirds… flying to SoCal or Hawaii each winter. I’m in the best health of my life physically and mentally and look better than I did 15 years ago (thinner and stronger from fasting and daily exercise and finally had the long-desired mommy makeover two years ago that repaired the effects of 4 big babies). Meh is grand!

  • I get s steady stream of schadenfreude from my daughter. The ex has been through at least a couple of screwballs since I left 2 years ago. The details of each are pretty twisted. When I am not mad at the ex I almost feel sorry for her. It’s no way to live. I want to go to the land of Meh someday and I think I am on the path, but a little schadenfreude along the way is enjoyable.

    • You’ll get there Jeff. Think about the crap that you no longer deal with. You get up, eat, dress, and have a normal, possibly boring day. But no anxiety. No daily mindfuck. You’re going to be at Meh soon as long as you’re no contact as much as possible. Take the time to know who you are and your likes and dislikes.

  • After a 35 year marriage i discovered my ex was having a torrid affair of 2 1/2 years with a OWhore. I ignored red flags for some time because I didn’t want to believe he didn’t love me anymore. Then Karma showed up. After the divorce he moved into whores home. 2 years while there, she died in a car accident. He then quickly moved into a much older woman’s home where he is today.
    My son told me he had colon cancer last month and now he’s having open heart surgery. Karma or Wrath of God? I don’t know but it seems the old saying “what goes around comes around “ may sometimes be true.

    • That’s sad for him, but at least you’re not there. I can’t say that ‘what goes around comes around’. There are plenty of dicks out there that seem to live life without problem. They seem to have all their wants delivered to them. But the crappy thing is that they are still the same yucky people inside. They may never know how much they suck, but we know that they do, and what’s important is they’re no longer sucking our life out of us anymore. We’re living!

  • Fantasy Christmas card; it has a sad melting snowman on the cover. Inside it says; “I guess you were going somewhere after all. Be sure to be civil to your replacement for the sake of the children, and I do hope you’ve been remembering to sterilize the kitchen table. Happy holidays.”

    Awesome story, Debbie, and congrats on your fab new life.

    • Funniest Christmas card I’ve seen to send out to people you loathe. On the front is Santa looking surly, giving the finger🖕. Inside it says “Even Santa thinks you’re an asshole”

      • 😆 That reminds me if the classic t-shirts, bumper stickers, posters, etc. that have a picture of Christ reaching out lovingly and the caption; “JESUS LOVES YOU!” then in smaller print; “Everybody else thinks you’re an asshole.”
        It’s not appropriate for the Christmas season, but damn, that shit is funny.

  • Congratulations Debbie!

    Your story is so inspiring, and poetic justice. Back then the obnoxious OW sends you a chastising Mother’s Day card…and now you are blessed not only with your two children, but also three more, and a Christmas baby any day now. And BTW, a loving husband and good father. You are mighty, and your pain has been replaced with beauty and joy….which you richly deserve.

    Here’s to all former Chumps who have gained a life and are lighting the path for the rest of us.

  • About Shmoop’s earlier letter rhapsodizing the amazing we-ness (shmoopies love we-ness, lol) of the blended family– rhapsodizing about relationships always seems really precarious to me. I felt that way even before being chumped. I felt that way after announcing my engagement and hearing a few dysfunctional people try to rhapsodize for me because apparently I wasn’t rhapsodizing enough– “Oh so is he AMAZING and SPECTACULAR and are you totally head over heels in LURV and dancing on air like a Victorian damsel on crack??!” (eek).

    With the exception of chumps or domestic abuse survivors (same thing) assuring worried friends and family that a new partner is safe and loving, gushing about relationships sets my teeth on edge no matter who’s doing it. For instance, I’ve been deleting endless stories in my newsfeed of actor George Clooney gushing about his wife. It’s not out of envy. I really admire Amal Clooney and it’s nice to think that anyone in H’wood-Sodom can make a go of it. I lived there and 95% of marriages tank. But unless old George just had a cancer or cardiac scare and is taking stock, the gushing reminds me of FW trying to grub kibble from friends over his amazing marriage to amazing me and our amazing sex life (ugh, privacy breach)… right before he launched into a creepy workplace affair with Beefy the Danger Pig.

    I didn’t like the bragging when FW did it about me. It looked like he was competing and it embarrassed me. I could imagine his friends saying “Yeah, great, whatever man,” and FW being disappointed that he couldn’t squeeze kibble from it. Like, what good is marriage if it doesn’t induce envy and awe??

    Precarious.

    • I hear you, Hell. All that gushing now makes me think of love bombing. There’s a difference between quietly bragging on your spouse now and then, or sharing their successes that they’re too modest to report themselves, vs. over-the-top gushing. (I can just imagine George going back to Amal and saying “I just gushed about you today. Want to reciprocate?”)

      After D-Day #2, when I was still trying to do therapy with STBX (I would call it wreckonciliation, except I was already pretty sure we were unlikely to reconcile) – I remember being a little envious of another lesbian couple we knew who would post all these kissy photos and lovey-dovey memes on Facebook. It was more PDA than I would likely be comfortable with even in the best relationship, but it appeared to suit them. Well, guess what? A few months later, it turned out that one woman was stepping out on the other one, and then their feed turned into all the memes along the lines of “if you can’t deal with this queen, walk away.” (BOTH of them were posting this!) So much for kissy-face photos as a yardstick for emotionally healthy relationships. Clearly, people who need constant kibbles in the form of this kind of attention will never be happy, no matter how many kibbles their partners dispense. (It’s like a virtual pick-me-dance.)

      I don’t plan to date anytime soon, but I definitely will need to have this convo with anyone I might date in the future: I’m not a gusher in general, and esp. after what I’ve experienced. I value real connection in private, and real emotion and respect are earned by action over time, not invented on the spot with a few words. I value my independence and would not partner up with someone who doesn’t feel the same way for herself.

      • “I value real connection in private, and real emotion and respect are earned by action over time, not invented on the spot with a few words.”

        Spot on, Lez. Fuckwit told me he loved me a couple of weeks into dating. Huge red flag now, but at the time I fell for it ( foo issues which I’m working on 😳😬).

        If I ever date again, (unlikely, right now I’d rather eat a bowl of my own vomit😳🤢😂) anything like that would make me run.

    • Yep. Gushing about being so much ‘in love’ is a signal. My former stepson was cheating on his wife when he was in Iraq. His AP who later became his wife when he divorced, gushed on Facebook how their love story wasn’t like the normal love story. Theirs came about with Rocket-Propelled grenades flying overhead and they didn’t know if they would even be alive the next day. It was ridiculous. Later, when she was pregnant, she hired a photographer to take pictures of them with her baby bump and plastered those all over Facebook. She hired photographers for nearly every event and always put the All-American-Family photos on Facebook. Unfortunately, my former stepson succumbed to PTSD and committed suicide. At Arlington, the widow made sure to hire a photographer to have her picture taken at the funeral. Within the hour, she posted on Facebook, “Those that don’t honor our military have never had a folded flag handed to them.” She got the attention she wanted and much, much more. On the day of the funeral, my son heard her say, “I don’t know what I’m going to do with this house. My next husband isn’t going to want to live here.” Interesting that her ‘next husband’ is the policeman that was the one she called when she found my former stepson. It’s all about her and it will always be all about her. It’s very sad.

      • One of my kids’ many nickname for AP. My middle found incriminating emails on dad’s computer after D-Day and had a breakdown. It was touch and go for awhile. I told a therapist I was worried my sweet, nerdy kids would be scarred for life. But then their signature gallows humor was revived and a cloud of black humor rose over the house that could probably be seen from space.

  • Wow, I seldom check Chump Lady these days because I’m so busy with the life I’ve gained, but for some reason I had the urge to peek in today, and the post is perfect timing for an update.

    The karma bus did come for Woody — he lost his job over his, er…let’s just call it unwise choices in the workplace related to fucking. I might or might not have been the one who reported him after I gained my life. He and my niece are still together in the prior marital dream house and very sad that my family still won’t accept their relationship. But, luckily for them, Bazooka Jane is now old enough to drink legally with her graybeard boyfriend!

    As for me, I met an amazing chump known as Desert Guy while I was on my Road Trip to Meh, and we celebrated our first anniversary on November 9. Happily ever after or bust!

  • This story has healing powers!
    These kind of stories were all I could hope for after my life (and my baby’s) has been turned upside down. It does feel better to hear it.

  • Not sure if it counts as karma, but I understand that Ex-Mrs LFTT is up to her old tricks; making unilateral decisions that impact others and being creative with the finances. This time it is her AP being cut out of the loop and soon to be subject to an unwanted surprise.

    I gather that she is frustrated in living in a rented one-room house with her AP, and so she is looking to put a deposit on a single bedroom flat. She approached our eldest daughter about having her name on the deeds along with her mother’s, and was told that AP was not to know anything about it. I guess that AP is about to be told that they are moving, but that he won’t be on the deeds.

    Eldest daughter is rightly staying well out of after I sorted out some independent legal advice for her.

    As for Ex-Mrs LFTT’s AP, he is about to find out all about the “prize” that he won. He is f*cking welcome to her!

    LFTT

    • LookingforwardstoTuesday, sounds like you gained some out of this world ability to read the future. And I’m saying it in the nicest, well intended way.
      It is one of the blessings after being put through hell by these people: we gain some insights into people’s character, or lack of it.
      Very well done for seeking legal advice for your children!

      • Enraged,

        Unfortunately I was married to Ex-Mrs LFTT for 27 years. If nothing else, I know how she thinks. I also know that when she suggests that she is doing you a favour (eg putting daughter’s name on the deeds along with hers) there will be a catch.

        My rules for dealing with Ex-Mrs LFTT are to “Gray Rock” to the max (and no contact once youngest daughter (now 17) is 18) and always remember that:
        .
        – If her lips are moving ….. then she’s lying.
        – If she says something is “above board”… it isn’t.
        – If she says you don’t need legal advice …. you need legal advice (see above).
        – If she says that it’s not her fault …. then she’s responsible.

        Thankfully, our children do not trust her either ….. something that I had to let them learn for themselves, although I made damn sure that I was there to help them pick up the pieces once the lesson had been learned.

        LFTT

  • I feel like I saw the karma buss pretty immediately. The longest term affair partner left when I did because it wasn’t fun for her if she’s not destroying lives.

    Only problem is that I hoped they would get together because I knew their mutual narcissism would mean they would make each other’s lives living hell.

    Oh well. I’m pretty meh.

    • Interesting, isn’t it? They thrive only in triangles. That tells me how f*ed up they are!
      I bet these AP would make ideal study subjects for scientists. Imagine the title of the work: “A glimpse into the mind of sociopaths or psychopaths”
      Maybe a chump in the field would pick up the subject.

      • Agreed, Enraged! That would be brilliant.

        They live for those triangles. I’m pretty certain ex is using the memory of me to this day, years later, to triangulate any new supply. It’s what ex did with every other ex from the past. I was made to feel inadequate to them for years until I figured it all out. It’s a truly sick game.

    • Hey, Marissa! Hope you’ve been well!
      I can’t remember: do you have kid(s)? The ONLY reason I don’t wish my STBX would end up with her most recent AP or a similarly disordered person is that my DD9 would have to deal with both of them. Even though I would feel sorry for any nice, decent person who might end up with STBX, it might provide a more stable environment for DD9 (and DD18) – at least until it also blows up, which it inevitably will. And it’s way too much to hope that STBX will hold off on pairing up with someone until she can work through her issues. The only reason she hasn’t yet done that is because of Covid – not that she didn’t try (see my karma update below!). All best to you, hope you find meh!

      • Hey LezChump! Thank you I hope you are also well! I thank my lucky stars each and every day that I never dragged any kids through that hell and was able to make a clean break and go completely no contact. I couldn’t even imagine the danger she would have posed to children! Oh wait, I can because she posed that very danger to her teenage cousins that she sexually assaulted systematically…. I’m so sorry you are having to deal with your ex with a child…! I can’t imagine the stress of worrying about a child with ex AND a narcissistic affair partner simultaneously. My heart goes out to you and others going through all that. I hope you can get to meh soon too while navigating that!

        • Oh, glad to hear you don’t have to worry about kids. Sexually assaulting teenage cousins??!? Eek!!! My STBX isn’t that fucked up (I don’t think…) and she can at least take care of the kids’ basic needs, though I worry about the messages they’re getting from her over time. And, of course, I have to co-parent with someone who doesn’t really care about me, when at higher risk for severe disease, during a pandemic. I was hoping to feel better by now, but keep having to deal with her shit! 😅
          My karma update below is still awaiting moderation. I probably went on too long. 😆
          Glad to hear you’re reasonably well and away from that crap show. Happy holidays to you!

  • So I read the “original” letter.
    And now, after hearing the news, this is what my gut instinct told me!
    Publish the letter on social Media. Publish it to newspapers!
    With a title like: Farewell to “I’m not going anywhere”
    Mention the restraining order.

    The audacity to state that she shares anything with Debbie, let alone 2 children!
    But then again, this is exactly what disordered people do: they try to mimick the normals. And they get so upset when normal people are not abiding by the norms, they are not keeping it civil.

  • I am still not at “Meh”. I sometimes fantasize about Nitwit’s OW and OM finding out about each other while I just laugh and laugh at the resulting shrieks of indignation. I wouldn’t want them to dump him though because he’d likely come circling back to me if that happened. I’ve been NC for about 4 months now and my life is much calmer for it.

  • Its been almost 2 years since I gave a shit what happens to XW. Meaning I don’t find her ridiculously stupid decisions even humorous.
    Been dating a lovely young woman for, what will soon be, 4 years.
    We both went through shit so no real hurry to tie each other down.
    Started a trucking co with my brother in 2018. Has its ups and downs but we are still here.
    Soon we will be buying our 3rd tractor.
    My relationship with my son, alienated for 4 years, I could not ask for it to be better. We don’t dwell too much on his mother. Their relationship is strained to put it mildly. Hes 1.5 years US Army now. We’ve had the “talk” about mistakes and believing lies. Although he didn’t have to he laid all his cards on the table. So life is good. Getting better. Next goal to accomplish is to buy another home. Then, hopefully, propose marriage to this wonderful lady I adore.

  • Thanks for sharing your great stories, CN!

    It’s still early days for me: D-Day #2 in August 2018, and I moved out in March of this year (the last day my kids attended school in-person, as it happens). Am still working on peace of mind, because I’m at higher risk for severe disease if I contract Covid, so I have been lying very low and dealing with a fuckwit co-parent who can’t seem to grant that my health and safety are a priority, at least for our kids’ sakes.

    BUT, I can report that STBX has taken a couple of minor hits from the karma bus already. Earlier this spring, right around the time I moved out, she learned that she would not receive an important work promotion she had anticipated for some time, even though she was the only candidate! She later learned that every single person on the voting committee had voted no. To her, it was a big professional blow, though she could continue working in her prior position. To me, it was an indication that I am not the only person who sees what a fuckwit she is. (She’s somewhere in the covert/communal narcissist constellation, so lots of friends and family members are totally fooled by her.)

    I later learned that, 3 weeks after I moved out in March, STBX was on the lesbian dating apps, even though we had JUST a brief conversation with the therapist in which I had asked STBX to hold off on dating until our divorce was finalized. (I noted in that conversation that the conventional therapeutic advice is to wait at least 6-12 months after ending a major relationship to start dating again, and that’s for people who don’t have a history of serious boundary violations!) Not surprisingly, STBX pretty quickly found someone who would lovebomb her, but did not let me know that she was developing this online relationship. In early June, when I had DD9 on my custody time, STBX suddenly wrote me an email message informing me, not only that she had been developing a relationship online, but that she had ALREADY started meeting this new GF in person. It was a huge trigger for me, and I forced her to come over and pick up DD9 to stay the night with her instead. In mostly email conversations over the next couple of weeks, I got more vulnerable than I would have preferred, but I was trying to convey to her why her actions and her way of communicating them to me were not acceptable. A couple of weeks later, STBX emailed me to tell me that “The relationship with GF is over, and I’m getting some pretty intense perspective. I’ve been on a steep learning curve lately and am facing some hard truths about myself.” She then proceeded to tell me that it had been helpful for me to tell her more about my experience after the initial triggers.

    None of this stopped STBX from trying to let DD9 play undistanced with a friend (child of one of STBX’s flying monkeys) who was not observing social distancing with various other kids, in October. When I set a firm boundary, saying that DD9 could not come to my house until we had an agreement about distancing, all STBX’s graciousness disappeared, and she was back to the entitlement mode. We had to have two mediated sessions about this – but EVERYBODY backed me up: my lawyer, DD9’s therapist, etc. The mediator was wishy-washy as usual, but oh well. STBX had to back down and agree to my terms, or else take on the responsibility of solo parenting until Covid was over. And boy, she really doesn’t want that!

    Then, after we had gone through all the time, energy, and legal expense of the distancing argument, STBX proved her fuckwittedness by going to a Halloween party and getting herself and DD9 infected with Covid. They then gave it to DD18, who lives primarily with STBX. Thankfully, due to our custody schedule and agreements, I was not exposed, and neither were my parents, who live nearby. Though STBX and my kids all had symptoms, fortunately none of them needed hospitalization. But STBX seems a little chastened by the experience – not that I expect it will last long, but at least she’s not pushing back against the doctor’s recommendations that they should quarantine away from me for two weeks after she takes the kids to the west coast for the winter break.

    So, as I say, minor karma hits for STBX: no promotion, no GF (at least for now), having to solo parent through Covid, not getting her way all the time anymore. She has agreed not to get back together with the most recent AP. I fully expect she’ll be enmeshed with a new person the very instant I receive a vaccine dose, and she may well be shacked up with somebody within a year. That makes me fear for my kids, esp. DD9. But, as we all know, I will just keep focusing on being a sane parents, which means setting healthy boundaries for myself and my kids. ‘

    But I’ll be honest that I am struggling, during this shitty, shitty year: first, my workload was doubled without additional compensation or help, and then (the day after the election, which might not have been coincidental, given an important ballot in my state) I lost the job I’ve had for a decade. It wasn’t the best-paying job, but I believe I did it well, and it’s a blow, especially because of how screwed-up insurance coverage is for unemployed people with pre-existing conditions in the US. (Yes, I know there’s COBRA and the ACA, but they’re both very pricey. And I’m trying to finalize the divorce and move on, already!) I also learned last week that I have crossed the line to become officially diabetic, even though I have reasonably healthy habits. I believe it’s because my body has been awash in toxic stress hormones, for a while really but especially in these last two years since D-Day #2. Am resolving to enjoy the holidays while keeping the sweets and carbs to a bare minimum. And at least I’ll have the (post-Covid) kids for Hanukkah.

    What’s the opposite of a karma bus: the Ongoing-Impacts-of-Trauma-and-Fuckwittedness Bus?
    All best to you, CN, and happy holidays.

  • So glad you found a keeper, and congratulations on the new baby to come!
    I have not found a new life partner yet, but did have some very pleasant dates before we all started quarantine. I hope I will be able to find a new life partner in the next few years, but won’t be devastated if I do not–I find I am treasuring my friends, and would not mind growing old with my friend group.

    But one thing I am truly grateful for, is no longer doing the “pick-me” dance. I did not know about the OW until almost the end, but for many many months I felt a sense of unease, of grinding insecurity, regarding our relationship–a sense that he was at some deep level withholding himself from me, in spite of all the love-bombing he was doing. I could not put my finger on why, but I always felt like I had to be on my best behavior at all times–like that scene in Mrs. Maisel where she gets up at dawn to put on make-up before her husband wakes up. After he left, along with the grief and betrayal, I also suddenly felt this peace and certainty— because for all that time, I had been pouring my emotional and intellectual resources into solving a problem, unraveling a mystery, that was not my problem to solve–it was his problem, caused by his beliefs and behavior, by the gas-lighting and entitlement–and now his behavior was no longer MY problem. It was incredibly liberating to stop even trying to untangle the skein, to put all that thought and energy into just living my life and exploring the world instead.

    But I did also see a fun piece of Karma almost right away. He told me he was choosing Schmoopie over me because she was high up in his profession, supposedly she would help him advance if he married her and would obstruct his progress if he dumped her. He said he owed it to his kids (from a previous marriage in which he was apparently also unfaithful) to make as much money for them as possible (I guess being faithful to their mother wasn’t something he felt he owned them, but never mind that!–Schmoopie was supposedly the AP that broke up his first marriage, too) But, immediately after he took a job across the country so he could move in with Schmoopie, she lost her high-status job. And despite all her supposed pull and connections, he ended up supporting her for almost two years, til she found something else, a lot less lucrative. During that time, she gained almost 200 pounds, so I suspect he was very stressful for her to actually live with. I think they basically punished eachother just by being who they were. And now, only four years later, they seem to be living on opposite coasts from eachother again, and it looks like he has started an affair with some one else….

    I feel at peace now about losing him from my life, and am very clear that I would not choose a life with a man with his character flaws, even if he begged to come back.

    • Marathon – I need to re-read your post over amd over again. We seemed to have had similar experiences and it captures what I was going thru too, somethings wrong but don’t know what, somyou try harder, until the day your world shatters.

      “It was incredibly liberating to stopven trying to untangle the skein”…this is where I hope to be next year. Its 10 mos from DDay and I just signed divorce papers today. Part of me is so mighty (I was recruited for great job in a new city and just signed an offer letter today. Yes, divorce papers and offer letter in same day!). But im still so angry, still constantly going thru events in my head, still trying so hard to not care, but deeply missing person I thought he was. I still love him and I hate his fucking guts. It seems like meh is quite a ways off.

      But your post encourages me. ☺️

      Also – Holy Carb Loaded Karma! They certainly seem to bring out the best in each other.

      • Congrats on your divorce, Wiser! And I’m glad that Marathon has found some peace, while M’s ex has not. 😅

  • Congratulations Debbie, and thanks for sharing your karma bus story. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I have to confess, I absolutely love these Katma stories, it feels sooo good. To read them, although I know we all can’t expect lightening to strike…
    A year ago today was my DDay. My cheater -ex, a minister, has now been dismissed from his job, with no prospects. As of today he’s lost his reputation, his housing, his job, half his pension, an intact family ( we have 3 kids) and me, if he cared, which he did not.
    A year ago I was a a walking zombie. I discovered Tracy and LAC-GAL soon after and it literally saved my life.
    Today, on my way home from work I’m proud of myself-not completely healed after 24 years of marriage-but well on my way. Thank you Chump nation for all your stories. I read this blog every day. We all need to hear from each other and today I needed to hear Debbie’s good news to give me a smile and added hope

  • Loving these karma stories and congratulations Debbie on your new life!

    My ex left our 30 year marriage for the AP in March 2017. According to what he has since told our adult kids and others, the AP was violent and always angry at him and others in the small town they moved to. On one occasion she chased him with a pick axe resulting in the police being called and cross domestic violence orders being made. He never introduced her to our kids or any of his family and she was really pissed off about this and had no insight into why he wouldn’t. After 3 years they broke up and schmoopie left town. Shortly afterwards he went on a dating side and met a nurse who he started seeing. Schmoops returned and he started seeing her as well but neither was aware of the other! He came to our city in August this year to visit our kids and when he arrives tells them he has 2 girlfriends and doesn’t know what to do about it, is confused. He tells our daughter that its like when he used to play with our dog. He would let the dog have a toy but withhold a different toy and thats the one the dog would want.. Using this analogy the reflects that when he is with one he misses the other and vice versa. Eventually he chooses the nurse…
    Daughter reports that in one of the last phone conversations with schmoops he wanted to talk about how they had hurt and damaged each other during their relationship. . Apparently schmoops said “You’re the damage. The end” and he told her ” you’re a failed human” . What a love story! Upon his return to their town he immediately moves in with the nurse. He tells our daughter recently that expectations are different from reality and “reality sucks balls”. He says he hates passive aggressive people and that he feels like “slapping a bitch” It seems after only 2 months living together that experiencing day to day life with the nurse and her 13 and 16 year old kids isn’t as much fun as he thought it would be. I would be willing to bet he is still in touch with schmoops too. Both our kids say that he would come back to me in a heartbeat if I would let him. They feel very sorry for the nurse without having even met her yet.

    To be honest I’m still not fully recovered from the traumas but have come a long way in the last 3.5 years. I see my son, his partner, my grandson and my daughter all the time and we have lots of great adventures and fun. The family home is now in my name only, I have done heaps of renovations on it and it looks the best it ever has. I’m not dating yet but have a great job, supportive extended family and some close friends who really have my back. My faithful dog is with me and I have time to look after myself. Oh and I have lost 15kgs and got my self confidence back. Life is good and getting better !!

    • That all sounds great, maiden! Cheaters will always think that “reality sucks balls.” They can’t deal with it, even if (like my STBX) they have some real remorse. The most common through-line I’ve seen with all cheaters is that they can’t really adult – they just fake it until they can’t anymore.

  • I am still laughing out loud about “Holy Carb-loaded Karma–so well said! Congratulations on your job offer, I hope this will be a wonderful new chapter. Your ex proved false to you and to who he should have been, but you can be proud that you were true to yourself, both during the relationship and after. Like Chumplady wrote, he may have been fake, but you brought your A game. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Whatever it was that he was up to, it is all HIS problem now. Cyber-hugs!!

  • A former colleague of mine, whom I never really like even before I found out about all the stuff she did, was addicted to one-night-stands, quick and dirty affairs that sometimes lasted a few weeks, but never more than two months despite being married with four children. Not all from the same father, I might add.

    Two years ago, during a work retreat, I witnessed her hitting on a married man in a beach bar. He blew her off repeatedly and that actually inspired her even more to get him. She draped herself over him and started licking his neck (she was utterly drunk), and another colleague and I her pulled her off. She made a huge scene, and started claiming that he had molester her, which was not true. She got fired after this, but I also had a little talk with her then-husband who filed for divorce. Not too long ago, another former colleague with whom she is connected on social media, forwarded me a screenshot in which she complained about having been cheated on by her fiancé, and whined how much she despised cheaters. Oh well, what goes around comes around.

    Having been on the receiving end of cheating, I find it very reassuring that the universe seems to have a sense of humour and justice.

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