Jason Collier, Serial Douche
Many alert chumps sent me the story of the Stinnett, Texas police chief Jason Collier, who was arrested this week for allegedly faking an annulment so his Schmoopie would think he was free to marry.
Jason is a married, ordained minister and father of four with a love triangle (rectangle, dodecahedron… I never tire of this joke).
He was outed on social media this week by his now former girlfriend Cecily Steinmetz who discovered he was married and had, oh, another girlfriend he’d also promised to marry. (Update: the body count keeps growing…) She posted on Facebook:
Chief Jason Collier is living a double/triple life. I was his girlfriend until yesterday. He lied to me and presented me with fake annulment documents when I found out he was married. I also found out about a 2nd girlfriend, Kristi, last night. He has lied to us, our children, and asked us both to marry him. He is a poor representative of your town. He would also visit me in Amarillo when he was on shift. We just returned from vacation in Taos on Sunday – meanwhile, his other GF was told he was on work assignment in Portland, OR.
This, of course, is just another typical day at Chump Lady. Jesus cheater with a double life? A sinister minister with a douchetacular dating profile? CN eats these run-of-the-mill sociopaths for breakfast.
But what makes Jason special, aside from amateur forgery, is that his outing went viral and got him arrested. Because while you may fuck around, the good people of Stinnett Texas do draw the line at felony with the intention to defraud. Dude was forced to resign his job.
Almost immediately, Cecily was called “bitter.” Because, of course.
Tina Marie, yes, justice should be meted on entirely on the basis of how much you, Tina Marie, personally “care” for someone. Judges LOVE that shit. Chief U.S. District Judge Beryl A. Howell would kick your ass into next week. Consequences are not “bitterness.” And your gooey feelings about shitty people are utterly beside the point.
Now, back to you, Jason.
A Magnolia hat? Really?
Your chick magnet game is so transparent. Ooh! I’ll wear a hat denoting my brand of evangelical wholesomeness and shiplap consumerism! Next, I’ll write a dating profile denouncing the casual hook-up. No, you, sir, are the kind of gentleman who wants “sincere conversation” and trust building.
You wouldn’t know sincerity if it shit on your Oakley sunglasses, Jason.
You’re a con.
May your chump wife Opal and your many ex-girlfriends find healing, and deep wells of schadenfreude at your sentencing.
Best of luck. I hear people in jail love ex-cops.
Karma bus running over a sociopath?—PRICELESS!
Dirty John. This guy had a gun!
I know we’re not supposed to untangle the skein, but this guy sort of intrigues me in his stupidity. I mean, he’s a college graduate and ordained in something or other
So, what was the END GOAL of his crazy making deceit? Did he expect to be exposed (figuratively) – and if so, why?
Or did he believe he could eternally eat cake and never get caught? I mean, HOW??
He was over the top PUBLICLY married – image management – and then – “publicly” engaged to 2 women who posted pics of their FW Boyfriend cheater and he was “dating” others AND still on a dating site.
I’m struck by the cognitive dissonance it must take to be him.
Then again, we have all been struck by cognitive dissonance in people we once respected.
He has grandiose thoughts and appears to be a narcissist. I’m so glad he’s been arrested for fraud- because that’s what he did. He entered multiple relationships by fraud.
There IS no end game, that’s why so little of what cheaters do makes sense! They are making choices based entirely on what feels good to them at that time, and what they know will feel good once they get someone on the hook with their dating profile.
They literally NEVER THINK of what they want their lives to be like over time and how THEIR CHOICES might contribute to that, or not, or what the longer term consequences might be for them.
Then they’re super pissed when there are actual consequences. All someone else’s fault!
The entitlement is deep, the fuckwittery is broad.
Knowing the “How” is easy, once you know a sociopath.
He would make it so that they would argue, blame it all on her and break the engagement. Then all he would have to do is play.
I almost understand the casual hook-up thing more than I understand a guy willing to juggle 3 versions of wives at the same time (1 real, 2 promised under false pretenses) using his real name and in the age of social media. Very strange that anyone would decide that walking along that particular cliff enhanced his life.
Yes, lets continue to change the narrative that outing a person like this is “bitter”…people choose their consequences when they choose their behavior.
Yes. I particularly agree with your last paragraph. Resonates right now.
It isn’t her lie to keep and it is her story to tell. Thanks, Cecily, for publicly telling your story! The more we don’t keep their dirty secrets, the more the narrative will change. Bitter? No, I choose: honest.
Uhh, right?! Shame on her for holding him accountable, which BOTH pastors and cops are supposed to be held accountable at a far higher standard. I find it amazing how chumps get blamed for this and the multi-level FW gets a free pass, or, simply a slap on the wrist. “Let’s just keep him in his leadership position with people’s constitutional rights and the health of their souls are in his hands… this doesn’t make him a can’t-be-trusted…”
Clearly, the state of TX doesn’t agree. If he does any prison time for this, Karma will be quickly be dispensed in there as a former cop.
I don’t think neither state nor other people care enough to punish the cheater.
If he goes to prison- it won’t be for being a psycho cheating police chef / pastor…. it will be for stupidity ( fraudulent document)
He seems to be one of those righteous types who think the appearance of integrity tops actual integrity. Real name, check. Real job, check. Forged documents? Hey, they reflect the reality of his compartmentalization. Whenever he was with X and Y he wasn’t married to Z. Simple. When he said he was going out of state for work, for that brief moment it was the truth. Really!
Compartmentalize enough, and every part of him is pure as driven snow. Just ignore the fact that the parts combined spell liar and cheater.
My ex is the same way. “Christian and mother of the year” shares Bible verses (and self love) memes on social media in her public life. In her private life? A pathological liar, master manipulator, and adulterer.
To them, reputation matters more than actual character. Reputation is what people think you are, character is who you actually are.
I’ve actually talked to some people like this, and since to them EVERYTHING is about image, because they are empty inside, they often assume others are the same. Other people’s honesty, sincerity etc are fake, impression management, just as theirs is. Since they are doing ‘whatever works’, they assume everyone else is too.
Either the biggest projection of all, or kind of understandable, in a sad and scary way. Or both!
My x Sinister Minister is like this. His Image is the most important thing in the whole
World. I believe that he would kill to protect it.
However, he does what he wants, when he wants, to whom ever he wants and no one dare question him or stand in his way.
He was a volunteer Firefighter and an Ordained Priest. Positions of power and control.
His wife is lucky that she didn’t end up like Chris Watt’s family.
I think we should make this guy the poster-child for Chump Nation and go out to social media and lambaste him! It’s time to make a public issue of this nonsense! I’m tired of sitting here hoping that some day the courts are going to recognize this type of abuse. They aren’t going to recognize it – until it’s a public issue!
I see the “no hookups” protestations as their way of securing higher quality cake. Sincere, commitment-minded chumps falling in love with them, as opposed to random hookups with someone not emotionally invested.
The former is a French bakery petit-four, the latter a gas station Ho Ho.
Yeah, the hookup cheaters offend me less than the “lurv” cheaters the way a pickpocket offends me less than Bernie Madoff. They’re all criminals but the long con artist wants the bonus of being viewed as a great person, likes to get under people’s skin.
I have heard so many versions of the “bitter” argument in other, more inferior forums.
“Well, if you outed him to his wife, you’d just be acting out of revenge, not genuine concern. Your motivation isn’t my good.”
Yeah, and that’s okay too?! I mean the shit we tell women to swallow. I never hear men being told they shouldn’t come across as bitter.
That’s not gender exclusive. If you’re a Christian, man or woman, you’re going to get this lecture and advice. I had a guy in the church tell me his wife had four affairs within 11 years and the fourth one broke him and now their relationship was over but he’s still friendly to his kids mom and even the AP. You get told to eat crap all the time and if you stand up for yourself, you get told to get over it or to eat a crap sandwich for the kids.
The common expression though “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” is pretty common. Little emotional control during the rage and will burn you to the ground and expose you to everyone. Men’s initial reaction is to want to beat the AP to a pulp. In either circumstance, there’s never a time where I have empathy toward the cheater.
Interesting recent study showing that people who avenge themselves in nonviolent, noncriminal ways are mentally healthier.
To me, the rigid concept of forgiveness is a misinterpreted Christian scripture thing. I respect faith but even theologions view scriptire as up for interpretation. Originally the Christian concept of forgiveness may have been a response to violent feudal conditions in antiquity when men killed each other (and women and slaves) over every slight. In that context it makes sense.
Because Jesus then beat the tar out of userists in the temple, I assume “forgiveness” simply means “Don’t kill those who offend you. You can publicly flog and reject them, just don’t murder them.”
I can manage that. I find it easy not to stone people to death. Because I’m second generation secular and even my grandparents were lapsed Catholics and Protestants, forgiveness-in-place-of-ANY-justice-or-consequences never made sense to me, especially since consequences might protect the next victim down the line. That’s where my sense of charity and kindness is aimed. I believe in modern justice– in theory and when it works (not when it’s biased, racist and corruptly meted out). After the fact I might reason that people who do bad things could learn from consequences, but it’s really not my business if they do or don’t.
I’m not surprised the unknowing AP who blew the whistle is Jewish. In the Jewish tradition, forgiveness is optional, definitely not required for Godliness. An offender may ceremoniously and publicly ask for forgiveness three times but the offended is under no obligation to grant it. If I had to choose, I prefer that tradition.
Anyway, nowhere is it written in any scripture that granting forgiveness supplants justice or requires keeping the offense a secret from the community.
“Interesting recent study showing that people who avenge themselves in nonviolent, noncriminal ways are mentally healthier.”
I have avenged the abuse from now-dead-cheater in a bunch of meaningful ways,, mostly by living a fabulous life.
I served up ethically appropriate revenge on OW when I texted her cold on a plate that Cheater was dead (but I acted like I assumed she already knew, which she likely didnt).
Cheaters sister was shitty to me for 30 years. She always wanted to go to Paris.
I took her younger sister on an all-expenses-paid to Paris.
New husbands XW is shitty to me for no damn reason (they were divorced 12 years before we started dating) … I took her daughter on a dream trip to the Mediterranean…watched the lights of Barcelona sparkle in her eyes.
The best revenge doesn’t have to harm people but might make them reconsider being so shitty to me.
Hell of a Chump, you called it with these words: “ forgiveness-in-place-of-ANY-justice-or-consequences never made sense to me.” If anyone pushes me to forgive, it causes me to take that conversation further. What exactly do they mean by forgiveness? I’m adding yours: “Do you think forgiveness means no consequences for the perpetrator?” “Do you think forgiveness means no justice for the person who was harmed?” A few days ago, a poster mentioned “misplaced empathy.” I am tired of people who want to shove their empathetic nature onto me, by telling ME how they feel sorry for the cheater! It’s the same with forgiveness. People want to show how they are quick to THINK of forgiving, therefore you must recognize THEM as a forgiving person.
That isn’t empathy at all. If it was empathy they would feel badly for YOU, the victim, and therefore wouldn’t dream of defending scum who hurt others.
These people are either narcissistic bullies hiding behind fake high-minded motives, or their cousins, what I call Codependency Nazis. Those are the abuser enabling doormats who want you to live the same fucked up way they do so they don’t have to admit to themselves that their behavior is abnormal and their lives suck. Both types want you to feel small in comparison to their allegedly evolved selves. My mother was a Codependency Nazi type, sad to say. I had PTSD from the fuckwit’s abuse and she actually bitched me out for not being sympathetic to the the pain the POS was going through. I didn’t speak to her for a year, not until she apologized, admitted she was wrong and agreed to support me 100% and not the cheater. I’m still finding it hard to fully forgive that betrayal, even though she is no longer living, which makes me feel horrible. I think it’s because she never admitted to herself what her true motive was and why it was wrong, but just apologized to have me back in her life. She went to the end of her life never admitting to herself that she had betrayed me or examining why she had done so, which I believe was about her own codependency motivating her to suck up to abusers. Her story is proof that the unexamined life is not worth living as she was miserable her whole life, being a slave first to my father, then to my two siblings who are substance abusers and took advantage of her until her death. She couldn’t bear to see me leave an abuser because it invalidated her choice to be a doormat, so she became angry with me rather than with the abuser.
Anyway, the moral of that story is to not let those people get away with claiming their bullshit is about empathy. It most certainly is not, as they are not showing empathy for the person who was harmed.
I totally agree. I actually published an essay that included the theme of empathy-as-badge-of-genetic-transcendence (I coin a lot of hyphenated expressions lol).
I don’t want to go on and on about it but the piece was political and brushed on the subject of weaponized psychiatry, junk genetics and “new eugenics.” All of it was to frame an unsettling Minority Report-style institutional trend that smacks of fascism– the hunt for the “crime gene,” or, as Hannah Arendt warned in “Totalitarianism,” the “objective enemy.”
The “objective enemy” concept is very important to authoritarian states because it creates a class that can be punished before committing any crime and– most importantly when selling war collateral to the public– whose children can be droned to Kingdom Come because…bad seed, criminal genes, expendable.
It’s all garbage theory that doesn’t stand up to scientific scrutiny. To date there’s zero proof of “criminal genes” or “violence genes.” In fact, if Darwin and the bible agree on anything, it’s that “primal nature” and “original sin” are the same thing. Given certain conditions in childhood, we all carry the capacity to commit great evil. Or great good. Or bland evil or good. Or a mix. There IS no genetically moral caste of humans in any case. Even Freud hammers this point.
In the essay, I went after several science shills (big names) who ghost-wrote a series of books to peddle this criminal gene drivel after I noticed that, in their introductions, each of them pointed out how especially, goo-ily “empathic” they were personally. Because all these books centered on so-called “zero empathy” crime gene theories, differentiating themselves in this way was tantamount to promoting a master race concept. Naturally they were situating themselves as the equivalent of “pure blooded Aryans” in that scenario.
No surprise that, despite all the syrupy liberal posturing of the authors, every one of the crime gene hypotheses cited in these books had been based on grotesquely racist science.
Oops, I did go on and on. Anyway, this trend in junk genetics has gotten a ton of airplay, leading one critic of it to note how this has created a kind of psychiatric inquisition where the public trip over themselves to show how they’re particularly endowed with magical (“Aryan”?) empathy.
Except of course it’s the same selective empathy our species has always suffered from– empathy for the most powerful and not so much for the truly downtrodden. Because who’s more dangerous to cross–broken victims or big scary perps?
In any event, I get sick of the empathy posturing. It’s like skinny jeans– it fits very few people and the ones who could wear this don’t because it’s a bit cheesy.
Interesting arguments on selective empathy. I don’t know what a criminal gene is and I certainly don’t believe in one, but I do think sociopathy is real. The thing with “callous unemotional” traits is, though, some people grow up to be surgeons and some people grow up to be Bernie Madoff.
To me, it comes down to character. Bad actors, like this Jason creep, know what they’re doing. They’re just so entitled and high on the risk-taking, they think they won’t get caught.
Any time you assign criminality to an entire group of people, any thinking person has to be offended.
As for junk psychotherapy… don’t get me started on the RIC….
CL– I couldn’t agree more about the RIC. By the way, thank you for the acronym. Having an acronym for it and a sense of shared contempt has made my life much better.
As for zero empathy, somewhere between Hare’s brain scan scams and Simon Baron-Cohen’s soft pedaled eugenics, I think there’s still room to contemplate the potential social or environmental causes of sadism and extreme callousness. So much of social science (like RIC) is weaponized and monetized but not aĺl.
The crime gene thing is a genuine horror and it’s ongoing. It relates to the “war on terror,” domestic social control, prison privatization, etc. I recommend Peter and Ginger Breggin’s “The War Against Children of Color” and David Price’s “Weaponizing Anthropology” for the domestic and international views, though keep some Maalox handy. It was very hard to read about things like this happening in our own time but I think it explains a lot.
Actually there’s up to 8 additional women besides his wife still coming forward…there’s actually a spreadsheet on line to keep track
My now ex husband started a bumble profile after he split calling himself a true gentleman and a hopeless romantic. Yeah no.
Judy, Well, he got the ‘hopeless’ part right! LOL
When I last learned of my FW and his many other women after we had been through TWO RIC counselors, I made a spreadsheet. One worksheet had all the names on contact info of the OW. The other worksheet was a timeline of where I was or what I was doing alongside his texts, emails, etc. That week I was gone for work? That was when he flew in an OW and she posted multiple pics of them on her FB and Twitter. Looking at the list and the duplicity he operates with helped me keep it dumping over my head like an ice bucket challenge so I would never be hoovered again. I haven’t looked at it in ages but having it all laid out in direct opposition to his gaslighting really helped. I hope the other women being part of a spreadsheet helps them get real with what they were dealing with. I’m glad this douche’s karma bus not only hit him but is backing up over the remains with felony charges.
I made no spreadsheet, it was only the nanny he was meandering with.
But once I silenced the voice in my head telling me “he wouldn’t do this”, then I started to question EVERYTHING he ever said. I turned into an investigator.
Business trip you said? I compared the dates with the other mom she was babysitting for.
So I found out when he was truly on business trip and when he was with her on holiday!
Can anyone believe he asked me to take him at the airport? While she was checking in!
The brazenness!
I outed him to all his friends and colleagues, via Facebook. It was not my secret to keep! When he came raging, why did I do such thing, I knew I did EXACTY the right thing!
I did the same thing but in calendar form, comparing secret “affair credit card” expenditures to where I was and FW’s gaslighting texts and calls from those moments.
Originally the calendar was just a factual documentation of dissipation of marital assets requested by my lawyer. Also at my lawyer’s request, I added notes about the existence of lying texts from FW since this was in a fault state and that evidence of lying about where he was worked against FW. I also added in things like times the kids or I were sick or injured to show how FW was neglecting even basic family care.
All very practical. But later for my own purposes I began adding notes to the calendar about the DARVO-y “fear, obligation, guilt” nature of FW’s lying-about-where-he-was texts. I used it to piece back together my own battered intuition and study the methods FW used to scutter and suppress my intuition.
What the full “calendar” proves in an almost scientific manner is that human beings are endowed with nearly supernatural intuition. Personally I don’t think this is magical or mystical but probably has a scientific explanation like Roger Penrose’s Einsteinian “quantum brain” theory or the like. There’s been a trend of culty rationalists to deny this exists but I knew and dreamed things I had no concrete means of knowing– and I don’t think I’m that special. I think its a faculty we all have to some degree unless it gets messed with, diverted, distracted, pummeled, etc.
The scary accuracy of my dreams and “guesses” fully explains the relentlessness and intensity of FW’s DARVO and FOG tactics. This helped me understand the nature of abuse the better to see it happening in the moment.
A big element of abuse is essentially “perspecticide”– destroying the victim’s perspective. But I need that perspective to raise and protect children and to protect myself from any number of dangers that exist in the world. Without those instincts and grounded perspective, we’re fucked if not dead. In that sense gaslighting can be lethal.
I rarely look at that calendar anymore. I pretty much know it by heart. But once in awhile I’ll remember some strange detail from that horrible two years and I’ll cross check some old text exchange against the calendar. Rather than feeling re-traumatized by the exercise, more often the feeling is “Holy shit, I’m Nostradamus!” If I have a litle flash of shame about not instantly acting on my gut instuncts and visions, there are FW’s diabolical FOGing texts in the same moments.
I’m not a massochist. I’m decent. That’s all there is to it. Unfortunately we all need a black belt or doctorate in manipulation detection to be safe in this world, but so be it.
My spreadsheet included fun times like FW texting OW while in the waiting area as I was getting a breast biopsy and also while he was at the doctor’s office with me while I had one of those second level tests for gestational diabetes. He also was whoring around with someone half his age while I was at Walter Reed alone going through an IVF cycle. I realize now the potential that I could put the pieces together to prove waste of marital resources but I would rather not set eyes on that thing again. Funny how so many of us put together spreadsheets and timelines in the midst of the madness. I was DONE unraveling the skein. I was in evidence preservation mode. I now live in a state where fault divorce is a thing. A friend of mine thinks I should hire a PI so I can nail him in court but I’m struggling with the decision because I’m afraid the results might stir up emotions on my part and hinder my path to meh. I don’t want to ignore reality but I am done being a warden. Given how many years he has done this, though, and how much he has likely spent from our assets, it seems only fair to maximize my recovery in the end to kind of make up for the financial loss. I just know that if I have evidence from a PI, it will get nasty. My friend is an attorney (not family law, though – a prosecutor!) and thinks evidence makes good leverage for settlement. But for some reason, to me, it feels like going back to when I was typing out my post D-Day spreadsheet.
Have the lawyer read the PI’s report. You don’t have to. But you need to protect yourself and your assets.
Hell of a Chump – I totally believe in intuition. The OW shares the same name as a cheese (not making that up!) and at one point, that song from the B52’s came into my head and wouldn’t leave… I was singing “Quiche Lorraine” at the top of my lungs with the music loud one day when fucktard and his son came home – they were both open gape mouthed staring at me. I sang that song for weeks.
Now I know. Now I know that they were wondering if I knew.
That poor son has no idea how much his father mentally abuses him.
Oh, and I do have magical powers!!! Now, if I could just learn how to use them BETTER.
Wow, this is exactly how I felt! I had to get clear on exactly how he was able to do what he did, in order to get my own protective instincts back in order. He studied me in order to manipulate me, learned exactly what to say that would get him carte blanche for a weekend or a week off with schmoopie, no questions asked.
When I start to miss the good times, it really helps to read the mendacious texts and emails he wrote to me when I now know he was with her. The hypocrisy and cold cynicism that I can now see, helps me to back away from the sleazy void that he really is.
He used what should have been good skills to do bad things. I had admired his practice of meditating every day to relieve job stress–he said that it helped him to “compartmentalize”. But after D-Day I found out that he also used meditation to “compartmentalize” his feelings for me and the OW, and to “compartmentalize” his conscience. And he used his sensitivity and empathic skills to manipulate a string of women for cake.
My experience with him was a hard lesson that in future I needed to form judgements and then take action based on the effects of people’s repeated behavior, NOT on what they say their intentions were. It’s not that I don’t believe in forgiveness–I just don’t see it as synonymous with restored trust and the lifting of consequences.
As women, we unfairly are pressured not to express our valid pain and anger and boundary-setting–they are invalidated with the labels “bitterness” and “bitchiness”. I think that bitterness is a valid expression of pain– being called bitter should never have become an insult.
Excellent points. I feel like as a child I was “conditioned” to not trust my intuition. Even as a child I suspected that my father was up to something, but I couldn’t prove it. I would look at phone bills and all the phone numbers to try to see who he was talking to, but this was waaaaayyyyy before the age of the Internet and I had no way of confirming aside from calling the numbers, which I sure-as-shit was not going to do because I’d get in trouble. My father’s rage combined with the wrath of laying hands on my bare backside also conditioned me at an early age to “behave” and be the good girl who never got in trouble. That actually works really well to keep people in line. So over the years I’ve always doubted myself, doubted my intuition, doubted my ability to do whatever I wanted without permission. It has obviously affected me in many ways.
When I was married to my ex-husband I would have dreams of him cheating on me. And I’m sure he did, though at the end I didn’t really care, I just wanted out. But the dreams were very real and definitely affected how I felt about him – I’ve always been a prolific dreamer and believe strongly in their messages for us.
Now as an adult I’ve found myself again going through phone bills, but this time it is on the Internet and I have the ability to look up numbers and find out who these people are – and a number of them are mistresses of old or mistresses yet-to-be.
This searching could be looked at as “pain shopping,” however, I choose to see it as a tool of confirmation – it confirms everything I’ve suspected and so it gives me strength that my intuition is strong, I was right to be suspicious, and I know what’s what.
Bullshit & lies, everything you say makes perfect sense to me. I had to get a new therapist, and I told her I knew I was ruminating and tried to explain why – basically what you said. My DDAy was the result of pure intuition. I didn’t “catch” FW in anything – I just knew. I need to understand, so that next time it doesn’t take me a decade to figure it out! I should have known in 2010. So as much as I’d like to get on with my life, here I am again, ruminating. I need the confirmation.
I also made a spreadsheet. This is where he said he was – this is where he was. I feel slightly more normal now. I sent the file to a friend to hold on to do I wouldn’t be tempted to relive that fuckedupedness too often
I’ve updated to “many.” Geez Louise. Not surprising.
*gasps
The fabled dodecahedron rears its ugly head!
lol … we all knew there actually WERE dodecahedron situations out there. Sort of fascinating to see a real one. My heart goes out to Opal.
I live 2 hours from Stinnett, TX. 1400 population. This is going to ripple and financially destroy this town, too.
They are going to have to hire outside auditors to go through financial records, etc. Who do you think paid for those lavish trips, gifts, etc. when he was supposed to be out of town for “training?”
Glad he was arrested yesterday. Asshole….
https://www.newschannel10.com/2021/01/29/i-was-shocked-woman-shares-story-relationship-with-former-stinnett-police-chief/
Sounds like that town could use a Go Fund Me fundraiser– with the added bonus of keeping the story alive and kicking for awhile longer.
It could be laced with a little humor or dead serious depending on Opal’s response. Maybe she’d like the opportunity to retrieve her dignity by participating with a big MacKenzie Scott Bezos smile.
I’d love to see a parallel fundraiser for Opal so she and the kids can go on all the vacations they were left out of.
As a side note, this jerk is making me look bad. My girlfriend of over 4 years hasn’t gotten an engagement ring yet….and this douchebag was handing them out like candy.
Dude, get on that. 😉
I’m guessing cubic zirconia ones !
what I find confusing is the girlfriends, where do you think he is living when he isnt with you. if they think he is single, why didnt they go to his house. the girlfriends acting all inoccenct. I dont believe that. you have to read inbetween the lines. the custody of the children. im sure they checked his facebook, instagram accounts. I bet they knew he was lying.
This always perplexes me as well. Never going to their actual home? Not going out during the day in public or out on weekends? Not available to talk? Where are you for holidays? lol
My ex’s AP used Snapchat to talk to my ex wife to hide it from his GF.
Many years ago, in the mid-70’s, when my mum and dad had been seeing each other for a little while and it was getting serious, he sat her down and handed her his paperwork, including his decree absolute. It wasn’t a case of protesting too much, but he knew she had been slightly singed (not exactly burnt, but a light scorching!) in the past, and as a divorced man, he wanted her to realise, without having to dig or pry, that he was truthful. Because of where their respective homes were, they spent more time at hers than his, and his kids were there over some weekends, at which time she was around, but not ”staying” because he didn’t think it sent the right message to them. For this reason, she could well have got a bit spooked about ”is he hiding something” and in many cases, under those circumstances, no smoke without fire.
It’s the willingness to be open and truthful and to take reasonable, rational steps to earn trust, especially when one or both of you has a bit of baggage, that’s key. They were married very happily until his untimely death and she never doubted him – nor had any cause to – for a moment.
A male therapist told our group how uncomfortable it was for him to sit across from a prospective girlfriend whilst she read his divorce decree. She insisted on reading it as part of doing due diligence. They eventually married and she sadly died of cancer.
I do know of one cheater in particular who was divorced but neglected to mention wife #2. It’s called lying by omission ????♀️
It’s really difficult to spot a sociopath. They are able to con, manipulate and know what their victims want to hear. And having young children as a single mom leaves little time to get to know someone. They were duped.
The Limited dated three women at a time, said we were in the process of a divorce and was supporting me and my son. None of it was true. And the biggest con was always the elusive goals (future faking) for the home we were buying. Right down to the week before the final dday he wanted me to sight a mortgage. Thankfully I said no. Yes, he’s a believable sociopath. He found someone who wants to marry him and has been stringing her along for almost seven years. Still cheating; it’s what they do.
I’ve spoken to some of my liar extraordinaire ex-husband’s girlfriends. The “my house is a mess” excuse worked on them for many weeks. So they hooked up at “romantic” motels that had a hot tub in the room, or at the ladies’ homes.
My ex had minimal info on his sole social media account – a sunset pic, several pics of his motorcycles, and a couple of him on his motorcycles. No relationship info, no work info. Happy birthday greetings to and from a small number of acquaintances (he didn’t really have any of what I would call friends). That’s it.
The ladies apologized to me when they finally found out he was married. They were totally pissed off at him because they were duped into falling for a facade, a complete fake.
These guys are highly skilled liars and manipulators. I know because I believed for years that he had been an Army Ranger (he was in the Army, buy hardly special forces material). He kept saying that photos of him in parachute gear were “buried somewhere” and he would eventually find them to show me.
Lots of people fall for cons. Steven Spielberg fell for Bernie Madoff’s con. Victims of conmen aren’t all stupid. And contrary to your assertion, we (the girlfriends and I) did NOT know my ex was lying. We victims have often done some research but sometimes there’s nothing you can find that’s suspicious. Unless you hire a private investigator or know detective tricks that most of us do not.
Sometimes, the truth stares us in the face but we can’t see it. Because it defies our reality, we don’t know how to integrate that truth into our picture perfect reality.
It’s like having a painting. Then you discover a puzzle piece. You don’t know what to do with that info. You don’t even know it’s a piece from your painting.
Then you discover another piece. It takes time until you start to ask yourself whether or not the pieces are part of your painting.
People assume that spouses know that they are cheated on. Well, if we knew, we would not have married the cheater in the first place. Usually, marriage is based on trust. And respect. And faithfulness. With that mindset, we actually believe what we are told. Because we keep our side of the bargain.
Yes, I think there’s truth to this. We’re blinded by our trust.
And then when the affair is revealed, those of us who truly did not have a clue can’t believe we didn’t see signs. We kick ourselves. We strain to recreate timelines to make sense of this new reality. We might become paranoid. Who knew? Who’s lying to us now? Did he/she steal money? Where was he/she with then? Where was I?
So the FW not only has betrayed us but also messed with our sense of reality and our ability to trust.
That’s another reason we can’t “just get over it.” It’s not just about the infidelity.
“And then when the affair is revealed, those of us who truly did not have a clue can’t believe we didn’t see signs. We kick ourselves. We strain to recreate timelines to make sense of this new reality. ”
Exactly.
And if that isn’t bad enough, they destroy our present, and then many (mine did) tell us as their parting shot, “Oh, I never loved you and I cheated for ten years”. So, they not only destroy what we thought we presently had, but blow up our entire married life. (21 years for me, age 18 to 40). Why they do that who knows, but from what I have read it is common place.
ugh typo: Who was he/she with then?
Agreed, my cheater also had a vestigial facebook page, even now there is no relationship info on it after he actually MARRIED the OW. And, she lived across the country from him and me; it would have been difficult or impossible for her to find out about me or vice versa. We did not have overlapping friend groups or any kind of professional connection that would have tipped us off to eachother, and I did not have any sort of social media presence. It took me almost a year to find out about her existence and their liaison, from a trade publication of their shared profession. I trusted him, so he was able to get away with a lot. I think she probably trusted him too.
Ask to see his/her driver’s license and visit the address on said license before having sex with him/her. Slow down and look around.
Last night’s Dateline episode featured a young female uni student who didn’t vet her new, older boyfriend. He lied about his real name, age and uh his status as a parolee (imprisoned for sexual abuse) ! Guess who kidnapped and murdered her before offing himself ? This is the extreme end of the spectrum.
Jason the Douche looks like a former upstairs neighbor who had a cushy job at the university. He would come home midday to play with the pit bull (crated and barked incessantly) and sneak women in to cheat on his pregnant wife. He also went next door to get/give blow jobs from the gay neighbor. The houses are ten feet apart, the windows were open and I heard moaning and groaning.
Plus this guy Jason is a cop ? Oh boy
Before I read the second part of your sentence I assumed “pit bull” was a euphemism for a particularly unattractive OW, LOL.
????????????????????
Glad they moved back to St. Louis. A cheating shitbag and cruel to his ????
It’s universal, or so it seems. And this is why I don’t date.
Not every man is a serial douche. If you don’t want to date, okay, but there’s no slamming an entire gender here. All men DON’T cheat. Just like women aren’t virtuous. Chumpdom is a rainbow nation. There’s nothing universal about shitty character. Some people have it, some people don’t.
Word! I could have written this. ????????????????????????????
follow
Been watching this from the start. Far more than 3 women. Could be 8 or 10. Guy even lied about being shot and having surgery. This guy is a nut case.
Maybe scarier than just nutcase. Shades of Chris Watts.
Did this dude keep an Excel spreadsheet to keep the lies straight? I saw this unfold and was thinking “Wow”. It all started when he asked Cecily to marry him and she changed her profile picture.
What a douche. He definitely doesn’t deserve to keep his job.
His poor wife and kids…hope they find a good lawyer and therapist.
My bet is that he encouraged his wife to give up her career to stay home with the kids and now she gets to swim up the waterfall of financial distress. Poor woman. Maybe she will end up here…I hope so.
No, Opal is employed. Manager at CONSOLIDATED NUCLEAR SECURITY, LLC. Good thing too.
Oof, they aren’t even letting the lady have that much privacy? I remember D-Day # 3 (rolls eyes at past self, then hugs past self). I was slightly older than my ex-husband, who had the decency to at least try to leave that time. One of his friends or family parked outside my window at midnight and played “Maggie,” a song about a old woman molesting a teenager and destroying his life. I was devastated at how cruel people could be to women whose only crime was to try to save her marriage and keep her promises. (Sorry. I now know that it was abusive to my my cheater and wrong of me to accept him back, and I have only myself to blame for any pain after D-Day #1. In my defense… different times, terrible messages.)
I can only imagine how vulnerable the wife is feeling in this day and age of doxxing and coordinated attacks, especially considering that there is a certain subset of “men’s rights” activists who feel quite entitled to savage those whom they deem insufficiently supportive to law-enforcement/ military husbands.
1) I’m sorry you had to go through that abuse. I was ten years older than my ex. Thankfully, no one added that little knife to twist when we went through our divorce.
2) There are a lot of nuts out there who think we need to bend over backwards for bad behavior by law enforcement, but I can’t think that he was doing all that much work if he was chasing and proposing to all of these women on work time.
I am 9 years older then Cheater Narc. The consensus opinion among all who knew us, even his family and friends (he had, uh, two, lifespan total of 2, both of whom he ghosted when we separated), was that he was the idiot for risking losing me, as well as our family life etc.
I think narcs often look for people who have their lives together, and who they know will help them keep theirs together; an older partner is often good at providing that.
Yep, my narc cheater ex left me & his 2 young kids for his married howorker who is 10 years older than him. Which means that his mom is only 8 years older than OW. She’s a workout junkie so I bet she’s trying to whip him into shape. Have fun with that.
They played Maggie? What thugs. Considering the typical high-risk, impulsive cheater lifestyle, bet when the dust settles and meh arrives, you’ll look 10-20 years younger than that POS.
I feel terrible for his wife, Opal and children. Small town with “traditional” values only makes it worse. Now a public financial discovery, coming swiftly their way.
And let’s not hope that as his wife she’s not on the hook for the financial restitution!
Lol, that’s how I read it!
I meant “let’s hope she’s not on the hook…”
It’s that ridiculous idea that she “got him arrested”. No, he committed a crime, so he was arrested and there were consequences. If he hadn’t committed a crime, then this would not have happened.
If she had made a false allegation, and forged fake documents to back this up, it would be different. But that’s his style….
Seems like his entitlement to being above the law caught up with him. Good.
Right! He was someone who was in a position of power faking legal documents. He was also (allegedly) off with his mistress during his shift. He didn’t get fired because he screwing around on his wife. He was fired because he was screwing around on the job.
I also agree that Tina Marie sounds shady as hell. Doubt she’s actually a chump.
Thank you, Limbo Chumpian for you comment on police chief being fired for cheating on his job. Similar situation with me, but my ex managed to retire before he got caught unfortunately. We chumps are advised by friends, family, counselors, to keep quiet, don’t talk about it least are classified as bitter. Who cares? Sing like a bird, let it be know just who and what these arrogant, entitled, thieves are. Coming from a small town situation of course makes it even more unjust to the chump and the kids. But once people understand the situation they are more equipped to make better decisions for their town in the future. Tell your story or somebody else will.
My Ex disappeared out of the life we had, as soon as I confronted him about the 2nd affair and made it clear we were done. I think he knew I wouldn’t keep my mouth shut, and everyone we knew would know what an asshole and idiot he was. And I did; I told EVERYONE. I only agreed not to tell his mother for a while, as she was already having a super tough time with other stuff.
He not only never contacted any family friends again, he ghosted his only two personal friends (who I hadn’t spilled the beans to), never saw our dentist or hairdresser again, never picked the kids up from school again (there’s all the parents we’d know for years hanging out waiting for the kids, right? Yeah, I made sure they all knew) stopped shopping in our neighbourhood (despite living 2 blocks from the ‘family home’ for several years after I kicked him out)….. There was at least one cashier at the little green grocer/deli we’ve shopped at since the kids were small who probably would have spit on him if he’d shown his face there.
I had to ask my GP for STD testing, and briefly explain why. He turned rather green, then was highly sympathetic. He asked if Cheater was also his patient. When I said yes, he asked me not to tell him Cheater’s name, as he wouldn’t be able to maintain his professional neutrality with him if he knew. (Quebec; no name changes upon marriage, and not a lot of marriages, actually, mostly common law.)
Typical narc reaction; far easier to start completely afresh. He’s done that again several times, as his subsequent relationships have all imploded. I guess if you don’t bond, and truly don’t care how others feel, it’s easy.
And because forgery is a form of fraud. Who exactly wants a police chief who falsifies documents? This seems like a no-brainer.
Tina Marie’s take that the scorned OW somehow has the power to have this “serial douche” arrested made me wish it were so. We’d have to build a cheater’s jail if somehow the betrayed could force the arrest of a cheater. I’d sure as hell have my STBX arrested for his crimes against my family.
Tina Marie is brilliant! Indeed it is time to change the laws surrounding cheating. Arrest these cheaters, put them in front of a jury of betrayed spouses and wounded children, let a wise Chump decide their fate.
Now it seems there is a missing young woman in his jurisdiction. His crimes may be more than just being a cheater.
“Tina Marie” smells a bit fishy to me.
I wouldn’t bet against “Tina Marie” being either a member of the cheater’s family trying to minimise on his behalf, or (perhaps less likely) the cheater himself working a fake account to minimise for himself ….. or just a troll.
LFTT
Oh I don’t know. PickMes, hybristophiliacs and cheater apologists have become like a political lobby.
HOAC,
I had to Google “hybristophiliacs.” I didn’t even know that was a thing.
Every day is a learning day here.
LFTT
Yup. That’s my take. Written like a man speaks, imo
Oh boy, this is one really*stupid* sociopath/narcissist! Did this oik really think he would get away with it?? ????????
That aside, well done to Cecily for outing this moronic piece of shit, I’m so glad this fucker lost his job and has gone to jail. Consequences, Jason, they suck don’t they? ????
His poor wife. But at least now she knows she married a sociopathic freak – I hope she realises that and never takes him back.
C6, I really do think a lot of these folks really think when they start doing this that they have it under control. They tend to be controllers in personality, and it just extends to the rest of their life.
My ex, I honestly believe when he started his screwing around with the final schmoops, thought he had this. I don’t think for a minute his original intention was to divorce, he had to many plans that he had to know that would blow up.
I am betting schmoops offered NSA sex and he went for it, like he had before (most likely) and he totally glossed over the fact that she was his direct report and as the comedian said: “once you fuck her, she owns you” it started to unravel, he got outed and well the rest is long history.
He paid a huge price for the town whore. Oh not me, I am small potatoes, but his reputation, his Captains bar, his big office, his potential to be mayor, which was his dream all the years we were together, and it why I helped him in that endeavor so much.
I honestly thought he would make a great mayor, he loved his city, and worked hard for it. But, he outed himself for who he really was and it all went down the drain.
Because we share a son, I know that he went on to make one stupid financial decision after the other in a effort to I guess buy happiness. I have no idea if he ever found it.
Is it just me or does it seem like these guys are always in a position of power over people? How many cops, CEO’s, politicians, etc., wield their power over others to cheat?
Don’t forget teevee journalists…
Batterers statistically cluster in “helping” and “rescuing” professions which attract the best and the worst. Law enforcement is at the top of that list. https://browardcriminallawyer.com/2016/07/what-profession-has-the-highest-rate-of-domestic-violence/
One study showed that domestic batterers were more likely to be in female dominated fields like teaching but I think this was misinterpreted by the author to mean that the shame of doing “women’s work” contributes to “stress” that lends to violence. I think the more apt interpretation is that women cluster in some helping professions that batterers are in general drawn to, plus sexual predators can be drawn to environments with higher rates of viable prey. All batterers cheat so it makes sense.
Another study on victims of dv found that women with careers are far more likely to be abused. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2241324/Women-careers-twice-likely-victims-domestic-abuse-threaten-mens-authority-power.html
Again the authors made pity-party assumptions that emasculated shame is a primary driver of dv. Maybe that plays into it but dv researcher Lenore Walker noted that batterers statistically tend to seek out independant, fabulous targets with higher than average pre-abuse self esteem– challenging “big game” in other words.
Hmmm, it kind of works if you look at it backwards; entitlement is the core, control, cheating, financial taking-advantage etc are how they manifest it, and when it doesn’t work, they experience a kind of enraged shame. But mostly that’s all bullshit; they cheat because they don’t care about any harm it does, they just want what they want. And they hit for the same reasons.
It is easy to fall into the rabbit hole of “ oh he is just misunderstood, stressed with a lot of childhood drama”
Plus- being a converted narc ( I had no idea what a narc is) with a spotless facade of a “ nice helpful man” loved by everyone
PERFECT COMBO
Normal people don’t lie, cheat, live double life.
I had plenty of drama/ trauma in my life, yet, for 17 years haven’t cheated. ( yet I had plenty of reasons too… taking into account the mindfuckery)
There is a moment when you realize that all that????????convincingly sets in and works beautifully for a RIC industry and the abuser.
After that- you are done – cynical and sober- no more tears and bs
If they are cheating a spouse, how are they treating the public? It’s clear that vows and oaths of office are meaningless to such people.
Yep, my FW is a high powered fed that uses his position to proposition women and uses tax dollars to fun his sexcapades. He is high on money, power and pussy. His family is an after thought.
Yup. FW is a retired Navy officer and current federal contractor. Earns over 1/4 mil a year and uses whatever means or opportunity to chase sparklytwats. When I found Tinder and OKCupid and all these secretive phone and text apps on his phone, he said he only downloaded them to see if I was checking up on him. BWAHAHAHAHA
Yep, I am betting most folks fed or not will use company time and assets to do some of their romping.
My ex, I am certain and his direct report schmoopie got it on in his office on a regular basis. I was married to the fw for years, I know he liked to do it in unusual places. The mistake I made was I thought it was only with me.
No, I never did in his office as by the time he had the office, he had started the devaluation of me. But, in our previous years, beach, water, bathrooms, while others were in the house, car; lots of places. He liked a challenge.
I did read that men in positions of leadership or who make a lot of $ we’re more likely to cheat. There were 3-4 other check boxes ….I just remember my Ex checked off each one.
But of course anyone can cheat or not be a cheater.
I once had a wise person tell me that they hear so many speak of their abusers and say “but he’s a pillar in the community” so often that being a “pillar in the community” is a red flag.
When I evaluated this more it does seem to hold a lot of truth. Many abusers especially the covert types hold jobs of power- political, police, medical, church, etc. They have managed their image to seem to outsiders that they are great people. I imagine this Collier guy was no different. Cop/ minister…. screams I’m such a good guy. The south is crawling with cockroaches such as these, and they say they stand in the name of tradition. Its all in power and control, it high time women get their power back.
Yep.
And another is “he/she wouldn’t have time to cheat, he she is way too busy”
Turns out many busy people are found out to be busy doing something other than work.
It is sad, because busy/pillars of the community do exist; and the frauds take advantage of that. Much like child abusers are going to go where the children are. Abusers know how to find the opportunities and that is where you will find them.
My fw had been promoted and the mayor was running him ragged, all hours of the day. At least that was the story I believed. Guess again. Oh I am sure he was busy, but not all of that was work; just lies to me.
The Navy had sent FW to a program to get his second master’s degree. Ohhhh, all the studying to do! And reading! And writing! And research! I worked my butt off morning noon and night, renovating the old house we bought and working 40 hours per week to pay for An IVF cycle and complete overhaul of the master bath. He just was too busy to help with anything. Cooking, cleaning, yard work, grocery shopping… it was all me. Meanwhile, he picked up an OW half his age at the library and was “busy” cheating. These FWs find all the time in the world for what they want to do. And when I found out about it when I was 7 months pregnant, that was it. I was DONE.
When my ex husband was doing an undergrad degree and I was working, he was of course too busy with his studies to help around the house. And of course, when I was doing my PhD and my ex was working, I was still the one doing everything around the house because I was “just at school.”
Then, when my ex fiance (most recent dday, November 10) was getting his accountant’s license, he was also TOO BUSY to do anything. After the tests were done, he asked me to keep going on all the extra things I took on because I just “did it better.” It’s laziness, pure and simple. Hilariously, ex fiance forgot to check whether his current job counts towards the practical hours. It turns out THEY DON’T, which means even if he passed the exams (he found out after we split), he STILL DOESN’T get his license. hahahaha
Dear Susie Lee, So similar is my situation, meetings, meetings, meetings night after night. Out of town city conferences (well known hook up drunken parties) but unknown to me. Yup I had no reason to not believe him until one day it struck me like a bolt out of the blue, he’s having an affair. It took me many years to find the proof but I did and what a relief to finally know I wasn’t crazy. Ex always said ” no such thing as intuition.” Finding proof made a believer out of me. Trust your intuition better know as your soul. Peace to you.
Yep. I didn’t put all this together, until after Dday. It hit like a ton of bricks.
This was long ago, we divorced and he married the schmoops and just this month died and left schmoops in serious debt, after putting her through hell for quite a long time. She was luckier than me though, she knew what she was getting, I didn’t.
I found CL because of some other shit he pulled with out son, and I started researching narcissists. Sure wish I had CL in real time. I handled it fairly well, but there are a few tweaks I wish I could have done.
Yes I fell for the” busy at work” line, too. Upon closer inspection, more like fucking his ho worker, type busy.
I remember once he called me wanting me to make a delivery for him in a sketchy neighborhood at a restaurant. (His side job was working with a friend who sold frozen fish to restaurants)
Keep in mind he was a staunch controller and never wanted me to go out at night, or go to dangerous areas etc. As a cop, he knew every move I made.
I said: “all our marriage you were very protective of me and wouldn’t think of sending me to a place like that, why now?” He was silent for a minute and then said “never mind, I will take care of it” Note: I was starting to get suspicious, I am sure he still needed the whore hidden, so he caved. My guess is he was running late because he needed to fuck the whore right after work. Or whore wanted something.
Same here. He was so busy & stressed with work yet had plenty of time to screw his married howorker. He’s law enforcement light – likes to act like he’s special but he never graduated from a police academy nor does his field even carry weapons. He’s the special idiot who conveniently forgets to remove the badges/security cards from around his neck when in public. So happy to be rid of that moron.
Dr. Phil is featuring one of these bullies at the beginning of February. Poses as some kind of fake law enforcement, pulling people over in their cars,etc. Psycho
Same. Busy doctor! I heated up meals. Sometimes I waited until 9pm so we could eat together. He was SO busy. I felt bad for him.
Fuck that abusive, entitled, lying cheater.
Ugh, I’m so sorry you got used like this. I still occasionally work hours like this and if somebody provided me with a fresh home cooked meal at the end of shift I would kiss their feet.
Oh Spinach – I did realise what your evil ex was doing. Even after all the stories I’ve read here and heard of elsewhere, I was shocked at this one.
For him to take your loving support, for you to go hungry waiting up for him while he pretends to be “working”? It really hit me in the feels because I would love and appreciate this treatment. He is the lowest of the low fuckers.
He wasn’t even working. They would go to her house when her husband wasn’t there or to a hotel. That’s why he was late.
How he could look me in the eye after this is beyond me.
I’ve never been a good liar. The good ones are creepy AF. Something is missing in them (understatement).
You are so right about the small-town south crawling with these types! It’s a caricature in movies for a reason.
I always thought it took a certain type of person to be a cop with what they get paid and the danger they put themselves in. It’s like you have to court adrenaline. Makes sense that would bleed into every part of your life. NOT saying all policemen are like this or have ulterior motives but it seems like one of those professions that definitely skews higher on the cheating scale.
It does seem these types get a major power trip.; abuse of power.
Badge bunnie????
Badge bunnies line up for them
Badge bunnies!!!
Yep. They abuse their power. Add physicians to that list. Power over nurses. Kibbles r Us, medicine style. There’s a buffet of underlings who think you are a healing genius (with lots of $$)!
Add professor’s
Oh they are smart, bright with an unlimited access to an ego kibbles
I was married to a male surgeon. I’m also a physician (female).
Fortunately the majority of people in our (shared!) workplace supported me. But a few unpleasant characters would drop unwelcome casual comments. Like “I was so surprised to hear he cheated. He’s such a good surgeon and cares so much about his patients”. The same people would imply he left me because I worked too hard at my own job and didn’t take care of him enough. Including a marriage counsellor. My chumpy ass saw that MC twice before kicking him. The double standard is still a bit staggering.
Old fashioned hierarchies, sexism and bullying are rife in our world. Naively when I signed up for this career I thought job satisfaction, interest, altruism and a good income (I’m not a saint!) were everybody’s goals, as they were mine. It has been painful to have my eyes opened, but I’m a lot less vulnerable to predators these days, sigh.
Canyoufeelthemehtonight,
“The same people would imply he left me because I worked too hard at my own job and didn’t take care of him enough. Including a marriage counsellor.” Sweet Jesus!! This fries my ass.
I love how these “unpleasant characters” blame the chump. Ridiculous on so many levels and sexist, too!
It must be (or have been?) incredibly difficult to share a workplace with your ex. I can’t even imagine. At least most people know right from wrong and support you.I hope they give him the cold shoulder.
Also, that he is a good surgeon is irrelevant. You can be a good physician and a total, cheating ass. They aren’t mutually exclusive. I think my ex fits this category. He is with the OW/nurse/co-worker now. It goes without saying that she’s much younger. Fucking cliche.
Thanks for the support Spinach! Although my good friends and colleagues certainly give a cold shoulder it’s been 3 years now so mostly we’re back to normal operating procedures. Thankfully the scheduler is my friend so I’ve never had to work directly with him since D-Day. I could have moved but I charged ahead with gaining a life and now rather like what I have. I’m a bit stubborn, but my feeling was if anyone moved it shouldn’t be me. Of course XH is stubborn too so everybody’s still here. I still feel very buoyed by the support on CN because nobody gets it like this group of people. Often I feel the chump gets more negative feedback than the cheater overall and I want to see this change in my lifetime.
“He is with the OW/nurse/co-worker now”. I so feel your pain. The assistant surgical technician isn’t quite half his age, but it’s close. And yes technically he’s a good surgeon, but to me the cornerstone of what doctors do involves accountability and integrity. And both of our exes have precious little of either. Society likes to turn a blind eye to so-called “personal lives” of cheaters (especially the male authority figure variety). However half of XH’s department have left because of clashes with him and/or OW. His manager made the decision that he was more valuable than the others individually but he can’t do the work of three people.
Fuck those entitled giant toddler surgeon cheaters!
“Fuck those entitled giant toddler surgeon cheaters!”
And the whores they rode in on.
What gets me is those same folks who suggested you worked too hard, would be aghast and indignant, if you had been the one that cheated, wouldn’t be blaming him for working too hard and ignoring you.
“And the whores they rode in on”. This is a lovely genius quote that I shall cherish.
And your last paragraph is spot on. I’m not quite at meh because sometimes I still have mental images of confronting Swiss flying monkeys and shooting their hypocrisy down. Now that I’m not a downtrodden chump anymore who soaked up all sorts of abuse and snide comments. I try to take this resolve and channel it into difficult interactions that I’m currently and will face, but a little part of me would love to see a little karma…
“However half of XH’s department have left because of clashes with him and/or OW.”
Hmmm. This is revealing. They are miserable fucks. Can’t play well with others.
Glad you have the scheduler on your side. Stay stubborn and badass ????! Love it!
Of course, I agree about CL and CN! This blog and CL’s book have saved me.
“Hmmm. This is revealing. They are miserable fucks. Can’t play well with others”.
Funnily enough this side only came out overtly when my good influence on him declined, during the devalue. I did try to set boundaries for good behaviour personally and professionally and during the lovebombing phase he actually was a good colleague. I didn’t realise this till long after D-Day, that I was the better human being being slowly crushed under my XH’s giant ego.
You sound feisty and awesome too and I’m glad you’re free. I’m just sorry for all the hurt inflicted on you.
I’d add university professors to the list! The more prestigious the school, the bigger the professors’ egos. They have a captive audience of a whole lot of 18 – 24 year olds thinking they are so smart and sophisticated. It is additionally sickening how the universities themselves tend to look the other way, even when they have rules against dating students.
^^^ Yes, this is my cheater STBX (we are both women) – she is a professor of history and women’s/gender studies, and beloved by her students, because many of them are just coming to realizations about their gender or sexual orientation, and she becomes their mama bear. TONS of kibbles for STBX, even when I have no evidence that she’s actually slept with any of them.
Also, I have to point out that academics leave town a lot for research, conferences, etc. That’s how STBX conducted both of her “hot” affairs, and I’m sure there was plenty of crushing/emotional affair-ing going on the rest of the time. A few months after D-Day #2, when I was sleeping in the guest room and struggling through mindfuckery until I could get my ducks in a row to leave, STBX was preparing to go to a conference. She said, “if you aren’t having sex with me, I’ll be more tempted by all the beautiful people at the conference. You don’t want that, do you?” Fortunately, I had already discovered CL by then and called out the blame shift manipulation for what it was, both in the moment and the next time we had a joint therapy session. It still amazes me that STBX really believed her own BS – but, as CL and others point out, we chumps are never going to understand cheaters’ disordered thinking.
The delicious irony is that STBX is so disordered that she’s no longer happy being a tenured professor. I suspect that disordered types get worse as they age, or the old kibbles don’t work as well, and they constantly need a fresh supply. So now, STBX seems interested in retraining to become – wait for it – a THERAPIST! Then she can more actively extract kibbles from the heads of adoring clients, I guess. You can’t make this shit up. ????
OMG, LezChump, NOOOO! I shudder to think of her becoming a therapist!!
Hopium4Years –
ROTFLMAO! Given the “quality” of therapists in our suburban area, STBX will fit right in, if she chooses to go that route. But, who knows if she’ll actually do it. Even she, despite her fuckwittery, knows what a good deal she has as a tenured professor. And pretty soon, she’s going to have to pay me spousal maintenance and child support, so she can’t just quit her job and go back to school.
All best to you – and to 7Cups, am sorry you have to deal with an entitled academic fuckwit as well! At least we have their numbers…and you have that law degree now!
Yeah, I know how that goes. My XH teaches Islamic Studies and dabbles in mysticism and Persian love poetry. Even though he isn’t the most attractive man, you can imagine how the 20 year olds swoon over a “sensitive” and “exotic” man. He plays humble and pious very well and calls himself a “feminist” to his students. He is unbelievably gifted at forming the best sounding word salads. In reality, he is deeply insecure and likes his wife to be completely financially dependent on him and wants his family to show him constant adoration. Yes, he travels frequently to speak at events where people tell him how wonderful he is and he is completely addicted to social media – a real kibble monster.
He found a naive 25 year old while on a trip to another country (he was 45) and decided that she was better at being submissive and adoring to him than I was – his wife of 16 years and mother of his four children who had just finished law school. He’s 50 now, in poor health, and they are expecting their first child. His green card wife has no job, no family or friends here, and no clue about the laws of this country. That’s a train wreck waiting to happen.
Since I have some solid court orders, I’m pretty gray rock to him. Most of what I hear from him is how child support, private school, and college are too expensive – and he just went out and bought himself a two-seater Porsche convertible (a real great car for a baby…). It’s pretty hard to ask the court to recalculate child support due to financial difficulty when you just bought a Porsche, lol. He’s always trying to pull me back into a friendship with him “for the sake of the children.” Um, no, his actions have never been about what is best for the kids, and actions matter more than words. Good riddance A-hole.
Idk… cheaters are of all walks of life… my first XH was a 23 year old baker at a grocery store and played in a garage band. My second XH of 25 years is a successful lawyer (as am I). My cheater mom was a SAHM until she started a company in her 40s. My cheater sister is a medical assistant.
I know a lot of SAHMs who are cheaters …. but I agree, if a cheater has power or money it amplifies their entitlement.
I was briefly married to a sociopath surgeon charged with performing unnecessary surgeries who is also a pathological liar, financial fraud and cheater extraordinaire (affairs, neighborhood hookups, prostitutes and porn). Needless to say I’m no longer impressed by surgeons.
Worked around surgeons for a few years, and was raising toddlers at the same time. The mentality and tantrums were so very similar. They also seemed to be involved with cheating scandals frequently. (not all acted this way, but there does seem to be something about the God complex with some of them).
Old Jason is a special combined cheater. He has combined the ministry with the police force. He declares he is an ordained minister, of what, The Church of Lying and Deception? He is a cop cheater AND a Jesus cheater, isn’t that special. I think by the time this is resolved it will be disclosed that this “serial douche” is a psychopath.
I want so badly to provide every woman he has betrayed a copy of LACGAL. I’d start with his wife, or is it wives?
Yeah believing you can indefinitely get away with this in the internet and social media age is a very special type of thinking you’re a God. I guess he did for a while, which still blows my mind.
Risk taking, impulsive, adrenaline-fueled behavior. I feel like this would be in the sociopath realm. You’d have to have something going on to be able to compartmentalize, juggle and straight face lie to SO many people.
“Risk taking, impulsive, adrenaline-fueled behavior. I feel like this would be in the sociopath realm. You’d have to have something going on to be able to compartmentalize, juggle and straight face lie to SO many people.”
Sounds like my father … a double-triple-quadruple-who knows how many life. He said to me the other day that he likes Venn diagrams. I’m like, “Really? Because I could make one of your mistresses at work, your mistresses who were “family friends,” and your mistresses whom you picked up at bars and/or flights and see where they all overlap. Would you like THAT Venn diagram, fucktard?!”
It does boggle my mind how he can keep such a straight face while telling so many lies combined with whatever sob story is part of the seduction. Sociopath for sure!
The common argument that asserting consequences for bad behavior is some kind of petulant punishment is an argument designed by manipulative entitled narcissistic abusers whose sole intent is to maintain a setup that tolerates and supports the abuse.
Calling the person who names and describes the abuse “bitter” or “hateful” or “attacking” or “whining” is simple deflection intended to reverse the perception of blame from the abuser to the informant. It’s just another tactic to maintain a setup that tolerates and supports the abuse.
People who have been abused who attempt to persuade you to stop naming and describing your abuse are still wrapped up in the cycle of abuse. Like a drowning person in deep water, no amount of thrashing results in a lungful of air. Thrashing is all they can do until they float to the surface. It’s a desperation move from a person who can’t conceive of what they can’t yet sense.
Let them accuse. They are incorrect. Don’t be fooled into helping anyone create or maintain the setup that tolerates and supports the abuse. You aren’t bad to do what’s needed to shut it down. It’s the best of you that is doing that. Just be sure to do it in productive, and sensible ways.
I love this, thank you.
Very wise words, indeed!
There’s a lot of this blaming thing going on right now.
^^^ Yep. Shaming chumps is classic DARVO. Even if the shamer isn’t a cheater themselves, they’re being complicit with the cheater in the DARVO abuse. We reject it! But the friend who told Cecily the truth is a true ally.
*to the tune of “Everything is Awesome” from the Lego Movie*
Accountability is awesome!
Accountability is cool when you’re part of a team
Mightiness is awesome!
Mightiness is living out a dream
????????????????????????
Love this!
I’ve not been following the case, other than the inevitable coverage that such a high-profile cheating scandal generates.
Has he yet proclaimed that God has forgiven him? I’m waiting for that shoe to drop.
Here’s hoping that his wife sees that she has nothing to work with here.
My ex, started going to school to be a preacher as soon as he retired. That was after he spend the years from 40 to 50 screwing anything he could get his hands on. Poor schmoops, she thought she had nabbed a prize, plus of course she had a magic taco, and he would of course be ever so faithful and tender to her. Hah.
Anyway, he started preaching as a lay (no pun intended) preacher, and that didn’t last too long as he was so obnoxious he pissed everyone off and they had to keep changing churches. My son finally convinced him to let the preaching go and concentrate on begin a better person. He didn’t become a better person, but as far as I know he did stop the preaching insanity.
The original “outer” posted a video he sent her of him saying “Sorry” over and over again. It was actually quite chilling. Dead eyes, and crocodile tears. It was like watching a real narcissist practice at being human. Kind of scary, really.
I saw this go down yesterday because it showed up as a link in a FB group that links people getting their comeuppance. Very crazy.
Here’s the video: https://www.the-sun.com/news/2228892/jason-collier-police-chief-love-rat-feels-like-st/
“I didn’t mean to hide anything or lie to you.”
Ummmm, yes you did – how else would you get away with your fuckery and whoring around? You lying sack of shit.
Hmm, how else might he explain what he did, except a conscious decision to lie??? How absurd! Total coward.
And as for ‘Tina Marie’ – I hope you meet one just like him, dear. Let’s see how you deal with that, you dumb bint
He committed a *crime*, moron,aand the fucker got exactly what he deserved. I hope some big hairy greasy bubba makes Jason his jail bitch????????
Tina marie, even people who go overtime at the parking meter get a ticket and a consequence if caught. Consequences are good in a civilized society!
If you burn down the high school a week before graduation, you should not be held accountable?
Charles Manson didn’t kill anybody!
Rachel Uchitel didn’t do anything to YOU!
Hey, I was inside the Capitol Building just looking at the art!
Ah, the logic of wrongdoers and their enablers!
I have been spending co-parenting therapy sessions with the traitor enjoying my cup of tea and watching her nail him very politely to the wall. Come-uppances and chickens coming home to roost are spectacularly gratifying.
My acronym for BITTER is Being In Totally Truthful Emotional Reality.
So yes, I am bitter. Ms Bitter to anyone who makes me out to be the disordered one in the infidelity story.
My friend spent a year in therapy with the traitor she married only to find out he had never stopped seeing the original cockroach and that there were MORE. And they didn’t know about each other. Which my friend remedied stat.
I spent my entire relationship in therapy with the goal of having a successful healthy marriage, unlike both of our shit show families, only to discover he had been lying, having affairs, and hiding money from me for twenty years. I challenge anyone to eat that same shit sandwich and criticize me. Fuck off you fucking fucker is my reply.
Agree 100%. We’re getting a full look at the culture of NO CONSEQUENCES and those who adhere to it. It’s an ugly picture.
How is a dating profile stressing the lead up to a hook-up not focused on the hook-up? The conversation, etc, is all in service to the hook-up to follow.
So. Tina is fine with lying and deceiving, but most importantly, forging the official documents and fucking around on your employer’s time? Have a deep, close look at yourself, your character and your values, Tina.
Also, everybody knows the best how much their time, love and life are worth. That involuntary OW was angry that he poked fun of her (and everybody else’s who was involved with him) feelings and wasted their time. As she values herself, her feelings, her good intentions, her efforts and her time, she’s understandably angry. Tina, on the other hand …
And BTW, Tina sees bitterness and I see boundaries.
Ugh. The Tina Marie flying monkeys of the psychopath are the worst!
Hey Tina, isn’t there a handsome convict in a prison somewhere you should be trying to date right now? ????????
My ex, the sociopath surgeon with the broken penis (yet also a “sex addiction”) is always looking for fresh.
Sometimes it takes an extreme scenario to remind me that my “standard” STBX lied to me, lied to the OW, lied to his family, lied to his lawyer, blew up our marriage and torpedoed our retirement.
Not nearly as headline grabbing, but still required deceiving everyone in his life.
One thing about him is that he appeared to move very quickly. It was mere weeks from meeting to “Marry me”. Stable people don’t often do that. That should be a red flag to anyone.
I do wonder how he expected to keep this all up. My exes father was outed for bigamy because he just neglected to get a divorce from his first wife before marrying his second one. This guy expected to keep what, at least three wives from finding out about each other? Yeah, dude’s obviously not that smart.
I feel badly for his actual wife. She has so much more invested in this situation and hopefully will find that losing him makes her stronger. Wolf in sheep’s clothing, that one.
I know 3 women, all of whom are intelligent, who met men online and married within weeks. One after only 4.5 weeks!
One lady was financially strapped, living with her kids and needed “rescuing”. The other 2 ladies are very religious and were raised to believe that premarital sex is a deadly sin.
At a reception for one friend, the first thing I said to her was “how’s the sex?”
I’m sorry, but there is no way a person can recognize their “soulmate” after only one month. All 3 of these ladies were highly desperate.
Yeah, my grandfather also cut it real close when it came to bigamy, apparently. It was much easier to do in the 1950’s when he was in the army and stationed in such far-flung places as Guam, France, and Puerto Rico.
My first thought when I see this kind of story is that it’s a LOT harder to get away with this kind of thing now than it used to be, even just a decade or two ago (see: Laci Peterson). Sadly, frequent social media posts didn’t help Shanann Watts, though. This type of predator is super-scary to me.
“I do wonder how he expected to keep this all up.”
Most disordered people don’t think that far ahead. Also, they don’t turn disordered overnight. I am sure this guy has quite a history.
Well, his current wife is wife number 2 according to the story. I doubt this is his first rodeo. I’m glad social media helped out this guy. If he hadn’t forged that document he might even still have a job.
Definitely one who thinks he’s the smartest in the room, despite evidence to the contrary.
Not only does this fuckwit think he is Gods gift to women, he also thinks he is super intelligent and would get away with having all these women on the go.
I hope it shrivels up and falls off.
Pig.
The specialness that is Jason collier! He is sooo wonderful he needs to spread himself among 3, no 8, no maybe more women. ????. How did they fit his head through that cell door?
Velvet, hats off to your BITTER acronym. It’s very accurate. My STBX tossed around “bitter” for years as an accusation, and then as an excuse for his cheating behavior. I too discovered he’d been hiding money for years.
I wonder about the Tina Maries, and why they say Chumps are bitter, sometimes solely based on our decision to divorce cheaters. I’ve suspected it’s because they’re either Chumps in denial, or OW.
He’s a cop. If he spends a month in jail I would be surprised. I would like to see a follow up on this story.
Tina Marie, you can’t “get people arrested”, they accomplish that on their own. I personally feel safer knowing this sociopath isn’t on the streets with his badge taking advantage of women. He’s so creepy, and not attractive. How do these guys get the confidence…ability or whatever you call it to “date” so many women?! The Magnolia hat, is a joke. They are all similar in that they are nothing but a vault of a person, pretending to be what the next woman wants.
I can’t help but wonder how many women my stbx has been with, and if this were him being outed publicly how many women would come forward. I’m still so in the dark about most of his cheater activities, and still occasionally my mind really wants to know!
From what I have seen of his picture he used to be quite a weighty man but seems to have had a change in lifestyle and lost a lot. There have been instances where guys who were formerly rejected or overlooked by women have this kind of change and then their new-found attractiveness to women brings out latent tendencies in them but often of the red pill kind where their suppressed anger at women for overlooking them leads them to game them, or they get so caught up in the attention it triggers their kibble addiction or like a comment I saw in the fb page with CrossFit as an example they have access to new opportunities and think they have new options. Not sure with this guy if has mysogynistic hatred or just trying to revel in pussy buffet. It’s opal and the kids I feel for, hope she comes here.
This can’t be the only crap this sociopath has pulled. Leading a double (or triple) life can be expensive. I think a forensic accountant should take a look see at any financial dealings he may have been overseeing in his precinct.
Ugh. Tina Marie whipped out the bitter card. *sigh*
Mine took it one step further and told me that I’m vindictive, which is like bitter on steroids.
He’s a victim of my vindictiveness. Poor him!! ???? He’s facing the horrible consequences of his behavior (he calls it punishment), and his kids want nothing to do with him. No doubt others are buying his sad-sack narrative. DARVO!
By the way, I doubt anyone tells cheaters to stop having the sadz and just move on. Only chumps get that lecture.
It was a short while ago that people didn’t talk about adoptions, breast cancer, miscarriages, postpartum depression, prostitution (recognizing that the girls were being trafficked), sexual assault on campus, date rape. If the topics were discussed, it was the fault of the victim.
So too the narrative on cheating must change.
Women have been systematically oppressed, way past time for equality. All the things you mentioned are women’s issues that men have had the voice to control. I’m currently reading The Moment of Lift and it is an excellent look at this, both worldwide and in the US.
Thanks for the book recommendation! Melinda Gates is the author, and it’s awesome so far.
Amen!
Dude-ette,
I couldn’t agree more!
Absolutely. Good point
This sounds all so very familiar. He cheats, we “punish” with consequences, follow through with consequences and speaking truth =vindictiveness, and they are the victims. Makes perfect sense for narc personalities.
Even if he did not “deserve” to be outed publicly as “Tina Marie” suggested, who wants a sheriff that would forge legal documents? THAT alone should get him fired. And the rest is icing on his cheater cake.
Forging is what got him fired. Cheating isn’t a sackable offense.
He is not a father of four. He has two kids and his wife has two kids from previous relationships.
As for the wife… She might be a chump. She also might be a cheater/OW who wound up married to her OM.
So, let’s just cool our jets a bit… Wait and see before jumping to the default assumption that the wife is one of us.
I found myself wading through the comments on the new FB page they’ve started on this idiot yesterday – and another woman piped up that she also believed herself to be his wife and had a child with him. She wanted to know when he and his current “wife” were married so she could know if she was really his wife. Good God.
Nope, you are mistaken. The *youngest* two children are *his* from an earlier relationship. The mother of those children is alive and well and remarried. The oldest two children, who are teenagers, are the wife’s.
I also happen to know that the wife has gone be three different last names before she became known as “Mrs. Collier.”
Not conclusive, granted. Maybe she’s a three-time chump. Or maybe she had one of those too-young starter marriages, followed by a real marriage-with-kids that ended despite her best efforts. Followed by Jason the train wreck.
Those scenarios are certainly possible.
OTOH, with a character like Jason hanging about, there’s also a chance that something a little shady may have happened.
All I’m saying is… We don’t know. So I’m not in any rush to go set up a gofundme account for her— unless she wants to come forward with her side of the story.
Cecily on the other hand is my kind of people.
You have a good head about this and have gathered accurate facts. Appreciate your voice of wise skepticism here.
I believe all 4 kids are his. He was married previously. So 2 with ex-wife, 2 with current wife. And given the crazy hoops he goes through to pretend he’s single and available for marriage I’m gonna give the benefit of the doubt to current wife even if there ends up being some overlap.
He’s a father figure to four.
Even if his wife’s a cheater, he’s also still a cheater. If nothing else, he cheated on this OW who didn’t know he was married and that he’s got a wife + XY number of OWs.
Yes, one of the things I learned through the separation and the divorce process is that true religious integrity is rare.
My ex came from a family of preachers and missionaries. He preached and wrote on the side. But early in the marriage, I struggled with seeing a subtle disconnect at times on the religious front. I even discussed it with my best friend who had been in our wedding, but for years and years, she was the only one who knew. That became a landslide in the last year or so we were together.
I’m still active in my faith but barely tolerate church. My life is messy, and I prefer messy people who are honestly living our their faith that I’ve met through local ministries to the homeless and those trying to overcome addiction. I’m not sure what that means long term, but I’m over the pretense.
Dear Opal: I’m sure that right now you are drinking the bitterest dregs of humiliation, grief, and disillusionment. You might still love this man, God help you. But, honey, you dodged a bullet here, several bullets, in fact: (1) fatal STDs; (2) financial abuse; and (3) physical abuse and possible fatal violence against you and your children. How many newspapers stories have we read about sociopaths like your husband deciding to eliminate (physically) the problem in his marriage, i.e., HIS MARRIAGE. Of course, you weren’t really an encumbrance just yet. He seems to be something of a genius in deceiving you and those around you. Sociopaths are remarkably capable that way. Don’t listen to those who chastise you for divorcing this utter failure as a human being, those who seek to minimize his crimes and wholesale trashing of his marriage vows. Read that again. You’re clearly a religious woman. He TRASHED his marriage vows. He didn’t just repudiate his promise to you and God. He stomped on it, set it on fire, and walked away without a glance backward. Hold your head high. You have done nothing wrong. Love your kids like there’s no tomorrow. Because with a sociopath like this, you might not have seen a tomorrow.
You are completely right – Opal wasn’t murdered because of his affairs (Lacy Petersen, Shannan Watts come to mind).
But the STD issue remains to be seen.
My ex was diagnosed with stage 4 oral cancer – HPV positive – one year after we separated (literally, right as we were finalizing the divorce). So far I’m healthy. But the woman he was cheating with was (is still) married – so I was exposed to both of them (and who knows who they were sleeping with). My ex was still having the affair when he started the relationship with his (now) new wife. So she’s been exposed to them too. STDs and STD related cancer: the gift that keeps on giving, and my ex was spreading it coast to coast.
My ex had stage 4 oral cancer too. No surgery/biopsy (“just” concurrent chemo and radiation) so not definitive for HPV but probable, as he neither smoked or drank more than a dozen beers a year (cigs and alcohol being the major risk factors – other than multiple oral sex partners).
I think in cases like what you describe we should be able to legally compel these FWs to get biopsies. A lot of chumps are foeced to live under the “Sword of HPV Damacles” for up to 10-15 years, waiting for throat symptoms or dysplasia to show up or not.
I like the way you’re thinking but I don’t think a biopsy can conclusively prove a cancer was caused by HPV. Most people clear the virus itself within a year, so it wouldn’t be traceable by the time the cancer bomb goes off.
It should be a criminal offense to have even protected sex with others and not tell your partner, because condoms don’t prevent HPV or herpes. Herpes ruins your life and HPV kills. Condoms are only about 80% effective against HIV, too, because all it takes is one tiny hole. That’s something health care authorities don’t talk about. I suppose it’s because they don’t want an avalanche of people panicking and coming in to be tested, but it’s irresponsible AF. Why are cheater’s legally allowed to put other people’s lives at risk without telling them? It makes me so angry.
There is no HPV test for men
Heh. I made a typo too. Must be because we’re so pissed off.
I’m hunting cheatews. Be vewy vewy quiet.
“Forced.” Writing in an Elmer Fudd accent kind of drains the gravitas out of my comment. Dat wascally human papiwoma viwus.
OMG, Hell of a Chump, you crack me up. You are so witty!
Werd
Street justice at it’s finest! Good job girl. She’s the Gamestop Reddit Wall Street crasher of the dating world.
Ugh, there’s all kinds of disordered freaks out there. Even Jeffrey Dahmer got love letters in prison. I think some people are so desperate for love and to feel special, they’ll do anything. And instead of working on themselves, they choose to defend sociopaths. I bet Tina Marie was hoping somewhere in her sad little heart that Mr Lawman Cheater Man would notice her defense of him and PICK HER!!!
“What is ‘hybristophilia’ for $20.”
Ugh, there’s all kinds of disordered freaks out there. Even Jeffrey Dahmer got love letters in prison. I think some people are so desperate for love and to feel special, they’ll do anything. And instead of working on themselves, they choose to defend sociopaths. I bet Tina Marie was hoping somewhere in her sad little heart that Mr Lawman Cheater Man would notice her defense of him and PICK HER!!!
It seems to me that our whole concept of finding “the one” is what undermines our ability to have a genuine relationship/friendship with any one.
These online dating sites are just a relatively new fishing spot for cheaters of all varieties. Yes there are good folks on them, too, because we all want a relationship and don’t really have a good way to find a partner. Our world has grown too big for traditional methods to work.
For example, if you truly live in a small town, (I can directly relate to remote communities in the South), everyone knows everyone else. Family names, homeplace locations, which school you attended, what type of car you drive, where you attend church, where you shop. Who you actually married, and whether or not you are divorced. Cheaters need either willing, knowing partners to cheat, or they have to go outside the community. Affairs always cost money.
For genuine available people to find a partner they have to develop detective skills, and thoroughly investigate any potential partner for the truth. You cannot assume anything. It is like vetting someone for an important job or political post. You don’t want to put the absolute fake person in such an important position. I certainly was not trained for any of this, and my FOO “normal” was dysfunctional. I did not know I was duplicating errors in judgement that had been made by my ancestors. But, that is exactly what I did.
It takes a lot of work and determination to change learned behaviors. It can be done, and obviously needs to be done. These entitle freaks will continue to operate until they die, if we don’t have legal consequences and enforce things like theft and fraud within a relationship having financial penalties and possible jail time, it will never change.
Being legally married to someone means nothing as long as we believe cheaters are seeking “exuberance”. Bank robbers and murderers, and terrorists may be seeking exuberance, too. Do we let them have a pass? It does not seem bitter to me to seek accountability.
Hi Portia:
“I was certainly not trained for this (vetting), and my FOO “normal” was dysfunctional. I did not know I was duplicating errors in judgment made by my ancestors….These entitled freaks will continue to operate until they die, if we don’t have legal consequences and enforce things like theft and fraud within a relationship having financial penalties and possible jail time it will never change.”
Thanks for this, Portia. Many, maybe most, of us were primed to be pursued by a FW by our families of origin, but that doesn’t negate the crimes done to us and our children. Abuse, Theft, Fraud: all are all legally and financially punishable actions outside a marriage and should be within a marriage as well. No fault divorce has created a world of pain for betrayed spouses and children. The legal sytem does not recognize that it takes years (in most cases) for the injured spouse to claw themselves out of the abyss and back to normal.
“These online dating sites are just a relatively new fishing spot for cheaters of all varieties.”
And this is the exact reason that chumps should not try internet dating, maybe ever, but at least until they have spent ALOT of time on fixing their picker. I understand the challenges of finding companionship in your hometown, or even just anywhere in the physical realm, but to my way of thinking it’s really not worth the risk of going online. Better to do some traveling, join a club, volunteer, etc. Just go places where like minded people may be and see what happens. Online venues give disordered people ALL the advantage.
Exactly. I think if you go online without having fixed your picker, and without a healthy dose of scepticism, without some detective skills, you are a lamb being led to the slaughter.
Well, now I know why the Karma bus hasn’t flattened my EX yet. It, apparently, has to make a lot of emergency detours to run over even bigger jackasses.
????????????
I was putting groceries in my car when I saw an item I had not paid for. When I went back in the store management thanked me because theft is theft regardless. It made me start thinking about transgressions in general. Cheating on tests in college? Not paying for groceries? Borrowing something of value and saying you “lost” it? Lying routinely? What was this guy growing up? It’s obvious he is sociopathic. What about his parents? I so hope he was not affiliated with a church. If so they better check the cash drawer. Something paid for all those women.
This could have been me! except my X was only a Police Major, not a Chief. I wish I would have been able to post about all his shit! But, I was worried on what it would do to my kids if they knew the truth about him. But I guarantee you he was screwing his whore while on duty! Used his position to get her a promotion. Who knows what else!
Yep, mine was a Captain.
It was pre social media days. I didn’t talk about his treatment of me for many years. (except to my now husband) I sas so embarrassed. Wish I had CL back then. 🙂 Oh I have had a blessed life since then, but as we all know some pain though managed and tucked away is still there for many of us.
My fw did get busted, and put back out on patrol. He also lost his standing in the community, not because of me; but because she was his direct report and the mayor was pissed. He could have easily become the mayor after he retired, but he threw it all away on the town whore. Thankfully, they ended up married, and from what I know exacted revenge on each other just by being themselves.
My fw died Jan 20th. I was surprised that it hit me like it did, but after all he was my sons dad, and I did once love him, whether he was ever real or not; I thought he was for a while. We were married 20 years when he started the devaluation process, Dday was about a year after that. He had been my one and only.
Just an interesting aside. One of the schools I worked for had a police academy and a criminal justice curriculum. They tried to screen applicants for psychological problems, but there were many who exhibited behaviors while interacting with my administrative office that clearly showed they were not cut out for community police work. Some were absolutely dangerous and threatening. We passed along behavior issues to those who made admission decisions in the program. They finally rearranged the sequencing of the classes to allow time for the teachers to get to know the cadets prior to admission to the academy. There were many small community sheriffs who did not want the whole program, jus some of the technical expertise needed. Needless to say, my opinion of those who want to go into law enforcement changed. This is such a dangerous job, and carries so much power over “the average citizen” that I think there should be strong psyche evaluations prior to hire, prior to training. For many, the power of the position is what they seek. Also they don’t get pulled over for speeding, can carry a weapon, and often keep irregular hours. It is a perfect cover for a manipulator. Let me be clear, I am not maligning all police officers. Most of the academy teachers seemed to be very solid dependable guys. I am just saying the profession attracts many weirdos who should never have that kind of power, and needs more evaluations prior to admission.
I have been in law enforcement and totally agree. In many small/rural jurisdictions, nothing is required but a HS diploma/GED, no criminal record (expungements do not count) and 3 favorable references.
I worked with several officers who absolutely got off on the power trip, badge bunnies, and beating people up. This was before body cams, GPS and computers in every car. Bad cops get away with a lot of shit.
The small town cop types are the biggest losers.
I guess living on the edge of getting caught danger was his viagra. Such a pathetic small person.
Viagra was also his Viagra. He has all the earmarks of a porn zombie whi nearly all develop ED.
The sociopathy is strong with this one.
May the Divorce be with him. And felony indictments.
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ROTFL. Greatly was that said.
Truly disordered. To think he actually believed he was getting away with it all! So most points have already been shared and I agree.
As to the Jesus cheater part “”Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”
My x was a Jesus cheater & a cop. He had quite the stash of excuses using both. SHAME on him and Im glad to say after 31 yrs of marriage I gave him the boot. I had one d-day about 10 yrs in and remember asking him about his non-concern for getting caught as a cop. If he was killed in the line of duty and he had all his ho ho’s names, numbers, information in his desk/locker and they came and delivered this shit to me how would I feel. Insert —blank stare!! Penis activities ALWAYS won. After divorce 5 yrs ago his Match.com profile name was “LIFE IS GOOD”. Now that says it all and I do hope the Karma bus catches up to this POS.
Someone posted bail for him. It was only $10,000. I think that means they only had to risk $1000 – right?
I hope it wasn’t his current wife. Or his ex-wife.
Probably Tina Marie ????
Is there a website that outs cheaters, names and all? Or Facebook pages? I’d be interested in seeing something like that. These fuckers need to be exposed for all of their fuckery, lying, cheating, stealing, etc.
They are scam sites. People may post actual cheaters, but then the site charges the person named to scrub their image off the site.
Beware of these sites. Your cheater could DARVO and post you. There’s no vetting on this.
As Mr. CL the trial lawyer says, “If it feels good, don’t do it.”
Look at Sunday’s NY Times to see what a “superspreader” of online smears (false) did and what happened to her
There are a ton of them. She’s a Homewrecker.com is the oldest but a new one is hatched every day.
I see talk on Cecily’s Facebook (a lot of friends seem to call her Chase) about a possible Netflix deal.
I hear that the Showtime series “Love Fraud” is looking for a different basis for Season 2. There you go!
Pretty much everything’s been said already. My thought is that it’s a cautionary lesson when you’re dating and things move too quickly. My ex and I had a whirlwind romance, I got pregnant and we got married. He wasn’t seeing anyone at the time so far as I know. These women all seem to have gotten engaged on a really short timeline. Not enough time to get to know someone. Just because someone says that they love you and want to spend their life with you, doesn’t mean it’s true. My takeaway, at any rate. If I ever date again, I will certainly be taking my time and if a guy proposes to me in a matter of months, I will run away.
I also read some of the facebook threads and saw a post from a woman in Pennsylvania (who moved there from Texas) who says that she was married to the clown and never divorced. We’ll see if Opal is legally his wife or not.
What a tangled mess. I feel sorry for the kids. Hard to be a kid in the first place. To add that your dad is a notorious scumbag is painful. Living in a small town where everyone knows everyone else’s business and you stand out because of something you had nothing to do with. People can be very cruel.
And look at his comment on his anniversary post to his wife, do all cheaters post shit like that? Like they love their spouse so much, how amazing they are…all for their social media audience???
The shock to my body on D-Day made me want to to crazy things to my cheater. Looking back I felt like I was like having an out of body experience. This woman might have outed him in haste or not, but I would never vilify her. I wanted to do far worse to my ex. I only stopped as he has employees who count on him and I didn’t want his shitty actions to hurt them or their families It was truly the only reason I likely did not destroy that man and his reputation far more than I could have..
Like the Cecily, my ex, was playing about 8 other women including me. I changed my life for that entitled sociopath. These guys don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. The thought of suing him for fraud crossed my mind often, but I felt like it would only hurt me in the end and I just didn’t have the energy.
I can relate to the feeling of an out of body experience. That’s how I felt when my ex called me 3 days before Christmas to tell me that he was going to be a father after a “one night stand”. And he had flown to her country to be there with her when she gave birth. Then getting some backbone and messaging a girl from his social media that I was suspicious about, and her confirming that they’d dated for 8 months when I had been in a relationship with him for 2-3 years at that point (7 years ago). I’m sure there were more. I ignored my gut instinct for so long and feel like such a fool. I’m too old now for my own family. I’m so angry that I keep having visions of stabbing him. Mostly, I want to warn everyone what he’s really like. But I know I can’t.
The narrative needs to change.
He didn’t lose his job because mistresses. He lost it because lies, forgery, using his office for personal gain, etc.
The women were not mistresses. They were chumps.
Exactly. He broke laws and abused public resources. Are we so far gone in our society that these infractions cease to matter? It sure seems so these days, but they’re still worth fighting for.
“Twat riddled witch hunt” would be funny as it stands if it was remotely accurate and the person saying it wasn’t such a twat herself. As it is, it’s funny in a point-at-the-moron-saying-that kind of way.
To Tina Marie;
In case you hear you are being mocked and come here to see what people are saying, I want you to know that I know you. I know the kind of woman who gets validation from defending shitbag men who treat women like crap. You are known as picke-mes or pickmeishas. You have massive daddy issues. You live to have men wipe their boots on your ass and you’re angry that other women stand up for themselves because it makes you look and feel like the coward you are. A woman of your ilk once tried to take me down, gathering up bully allies and spreading vicious lies. She even tried to recruit one of her flying monkeys, a misogynistic psychopath, hoping he would harm me. Her attempt only boomeranged on her, I had some fun fucking her game up, and she wasn’t seen or heard from in that social circle ever again. Since you are cut from the same cloth, in years past I’d be tempted to do to you what I did to her, but these days I just don’t bother with people like you, even to teach you a badly needed lesson. Yeah, I’ve known females like you since childhood- bullies who target others of their gender to kiss up to males. It must suck knowing that you can’t get men to like you for anything but being a doormat. This guy you are defending by attacking his victim is an abuser and a criminal. You enable people like him because you don’t have a shred of healthy self esteem, and nor should you, because you’re a toxic combination of a submissive cock-slobberer and a hate filled psycho. Instead of self worth you have only a twisted form of narcissism. You tell yourself you are special and superior to other women because vile men approve of you. You have probably had affairs with married/partnered men, perhaps even the boyfriends and husbands of women you are fake friends with, and you lie to yourself, reasoning that they cheat with you because you’re so special. But deep inside, you fear the truth is that you are even less than ordinary, and knowing that is killing you. So you take out your well justified self loathing on other women, much better women than you whose boots you aren’t fit to clean.
Suck on that, bitch.
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My heart aches for his poor wife! She wrote such a loving post – fully invested in the love of her marriage and, unbeknownst to her, she was being duped. I’m tired of these asshats having no consequences!! And, Tina Marie? Way to go with your SO supportive message to all of us ladies who have been cheated on! You’re a true girlfriend! Way to go!!!
I am highly suspicious of any man on Facebook who praises his wife for her selfless/sacrificial love on their anniversary. (Like Serial Douchebag Jason did for Opal, along with giving her a shout-out for loving HIM and walking beside HIM.) Immediately makes me think he’s cheated, which makes me feel cynical.
Not cynical, wise and realistic. You spotted a red flag. Anyone who praises a spouse for being selfless does so because he/she is selfish. If he/she was giving, what need would there be for the spouse to be selfless? It reflects a non-reciprocal partnership, and we know those who are takers in a relationship are much more likely to cheat. There’s even research proving it.
A loving spouse would praise you not just for what you do for him/her, but for who you are as a person.
Your wisdom may gave been hard earned, but that does not make it cynicism. Cynicism is what fuckwits have; a dog eat dog mentality and jaundiced view of others which is based only on normalizing their own lack of character, not on the wisdom of experience.
Thank you for that, OHFFS. You very articulately explained why I wince/get annoyed with the whole ‘my spouse is selfless/has put up with me/stood by me for XX years’ bullshit anniversary ‘brags’ on social media. I always want to reply, ‘Congrats! So, enough about you – what about HER?’
PathofTotality, OHFFS, wish I met you two many years ago.
I didn’t think it was odd the first couple times FW wrote me a card thanking me for all I give and do for our kids (while he’s away “working”) but when I got the same message in birthday and anniversary cards every year as I did in the mother’s day cards, it felt off. The final straw was him writing “thank you for giving me two beautiful boys…” Um, no fucker, you can’t count our children in your kibble tally.
Glad I’m not the only one that thinks that’s creepy. It’s one of those things where (pre-DDay) you think it, then beat yourself up because how could you think that when he’s just saying nice things. Thanks for the comments.