So yesterday we opened the floor to 5 Things You Should Not Do When You Discover Cheating but for today’s Friday Challenge let’s focus on all the things you did right. No one gets a decoder ring at D-Day. Surviving chumpdom is not a skill set you ever imagine you’d need.
I like this comment FriYayChump posted:
For the record, I did some nutty shit post D-Day, BUT I totally LAUGH ABOUT IT NOW and forgive myself. In fact, forgiving myself is something I don’t even have to do, it’s just merely words to describe I did some things that in a normal mental state I never would have done.
…I made sure his co-workers knew, called/texted the OW (several), raged, ranted, sleuthed, broke things, etc. The cheating f*cker made me crazy. The stress of it all literally changed the chemicals in my body and altered my way of thinking. I have never experienced that altered state of mind ever in my life except during the intense days of discovery, discard and endless gaslighting. Today, I don’t give a sh*t.
I will not feel bad about one iota of the things I did post dealing with a sociopath and surviving severe emotional and mental trauma.
Great attitude. I hope the several gazillion stories here will prevent new chumps from making those rookie mistakes, but if you screwed up? Okay. Dust yourself off. Everything has a learning curve. Forgive yourself.
Today tell me what you’re most proud of. What did you do that you didn’t think you could?
(((Big COVID-distance-y virtual hugs))))
*** This picture is from CN member Rarity, who in 2017 wrote a great Gain a Life story you can read here.
**** BONUS CONTENT! Rarity just replied. I asked for an update:
Yup, I remarried to that great guy I was dating—and we had a baby last year! Somehow, being married to a non-f***tard (sorry, I gave up swearing for Lent, lol) made a geriatric pregnancy in the middle of a pandemic seem like a breeze. I now have a quiet job as a civilian employee for law enforcement while I work on my PhD and my writing. We live in a 5-bedroom house with a cat, a dog, and three hamsters. We’ve never even fought once in 5 years of dating/being together. Life is peaceful.
NuHusband is everything ExHusband wasn’t: faithful, quiet, industrious, and drama-free. He earns a paycheck and does his share of the housework and doesn’t constantly blame me for everything that goes wrong in his life. His affection for his new daughter is a joy to see, and funny, we somehow got through an entire pregnancy without me once having to wake up alone in tears wondering where my husband is. I don’t think I realized life could be like this.
ExHusband moved to another state a few years ago. He sees his kids once a month (most of the time). I only think about him when I have to. I’ve made it clear to him that my terms are and will ever be (1) pay your child support (2) do your visitation (3) leave me alone. He’s in a serious relationship again and the new girls seems like a good person, but I’m only half Adele about it: I don’t send my love to his new lover, but I do hope he treats her better.
I gotta say, your book was probably one of four books that was really life-changing for me. I’ll never forget devouring it on the Metro through my tears, having just discovered my then-husband’s infidelity. I felt like I was looking up from the bottom of a pit. But it showed me where the handholds and footholds were and I hope the other Chumps out there know: there is a way up out of that pit.
Here’s some pictures of NuHusband and I at our wedding (with the son I was pregnant with when XH walked out on me) and a picture of our new baby girl. Feel free to use/edit anything I’ve said here.
– Bridget Jack Jeffries / “Rarity”