Hi CN,
Well, I’ve taken a few runs at this before, but it’s really happening — on March 8 the new Chump Lady site will be revealed.
What? I hate change!
No, it’s all to the good. I promise. If you bookmarked articles, if you need the archives, it’s all still there.
I thought I’d take the opportunity to explain what’s happening. If you’re looking for a Friday Challenge instead, remember to submit your haiku and limerick Infidelity Valentine’s to me by Saturday. Prizes! Fame! Snark!
Why are you doing this to us?
Trust me, if I could leave a thing alone I would. But maintaining a site with traffic like this is a job and I’ve held this thing together with gum and bailing wire as long as I could. But WordPress forced my hand. I was having an IT problem and learned a couple months ago, if I didn’t find a Genesis coder STAT, and update the entire site, the whole site was going to break in March, thanks to a core update.
That’s a thing?
Well, it is if you have my lousy Genesis theme.
Please don’t explain it to us.
I’m sorry, I have to tell my lousy Genesis theme Jesus Cheater story.
Eons ago, I built this thing in Thesis, which for reasons lost to my memory (or suppressed) I couldn’t use any longer. So Genesis was the thing and I met a woman at a conference who touted herself as a Genesis designer. Chump that I am, I thought… she’s presenting at a conference, she must know what she is doing. I hired her. Sent her money…. and…
She ghosted me.
Okay, not at first. At first she seemed keen. But then she just stopped answering my emails, and was very cold and weird on the phone. And I’m in the MIDDLE of a site migration, re-do, so I’m like, just get ‘er done! She had my files hostage. It was a MESS. I had to hire other people to fix what she had done and the whole thing was so AWFUL and so expensive, I’ve just kept the landing page and site like this for far, far too long to avoid another catastrophe.
About a year goes by and a chump sends me a link to an article to put through the Universal Bullshit Translator. It was a gooey personal spiritual journey account of how the author cheated on her husband and it brought her closer to Jesus.
IT WAS THIS DESIGNER THAT I HAD HIRED. It was her blog! She was married and on Tinder and got knocked up with the OM’s baby AS SHE WAS WORKING ON MY SITE.
No wonder she was frosty.
You can see why I might have PTSD about site redesigns. But this time, I’ve found a real person, Mary Baum, and she’s solid and sane. Leave a Jesus Cheater, Gain a Life.
Enough of your drama, what’s changing?
Here’s a few things. I’ll surprise you with the rest — and if you have ideas, tell me in the comments. I’ll see what we can do.
1.) The UBT will be revealed. Wonder what it looks like? What cookies it eats? New cartoon, new category, all the UBTs in one place.
2.) A Toolkit for Newbies. Instead of evergreen posts (ego kibbles, pick me dance, etc.) there will be a page that is all the foundational texts and step-by-step advice in links of what to do. So instead of sending a newly chumped friend 13 articles, send them a link to this page. (Also, please buy the book.) Triage!
3.) Translations in French and Spanish. A HUGE thank you to CN members who have undertaken this job. More on this in another post. But if you’re handy with language and want to translate some blog pages, email me.
4.) And more. Links to the community pages on Reddit and FaceBook. A new resource guide of books and blogs. (Got recommendations?) and new cartoons!
And a big HUGE thank you to Patreon supporters of this site who pay it forward for everyone. That and the ads (which I am killing in the new site) are how I afford this.
For Patreon members, that’s getting redone too. Audio files start in March. Supporting members get me, reading letters, Trust That They Suck posts, etc. weekly. (It would’ve been sooner, but the site crisis happened.)
Happy to answer any questions in the comments over the weekend.
Oh and UXWorld, send me your song lyrics. That needs a page.
Yes! ????
On the way . . .
Great idea.
Yay! Congratůations on navigating the IT. Very excited about the audio. The former east bloc needs some Chump Lady empowerment. Hope to see the book make its way to the Visigrad 4 by way of translation and publishing.
I want to second and amplify a parenthetical above with a large yarnbombed bullhorn:
BUY CHUMP LADY’S BOOK!!!!!!!
Many copies, even.
1) It’s a great gift for a new chump, and good to have at your fingertips to give.
2) It’s a great library item for reference and even as a conversation piece.
3) Ongoing sales are good for both book and author, so buying a new copy now and then helps keep the book a book for the long term. This is public service, people!
Off soapbox. ????
I bought several copies and sent them to the libraries located where my ex lives, as well as the OW’s town. Dedicated to them.
OMG!! I LOVE this!!!
Perfect for Valentine’s Day ????
????????
What a great idea. I have the book and am re reading it to help keep me focused on what I need to do.
Oh, I need to do this. Genius.
I bought lots of copies of the book, some to keep on hand when (and it will) it happens to someone you love. Other copies I leave in places they will be found by someone in need, public places, bus stops, bathrooms, dentist office just anywhere whoever needs it will find it. Makes me feel good.
When I’m back on my feet financially I plan to buy a bunch of CL’s books and just leave them in random public spaces/ libraries. Chumps NEED this advice!
Thanks CL and good luck with the launch!
As I am deeply enamored of the UBT this is indeed exciting news! ThankYou Tracy for these updates, improvements and changes!
I’ll be checking out that Toolkit for Newbies even though it is Month 21 of this divorce process. Perhaps I missed something that will force that cheater to settle!
Right there with you. I’m in month 25. I’d like to give a copy for divorce lawyers to give away during consultation. Wish I’d gotten my copy then. I found through random internet searches. Married 36 years at filing…
Most excellent, dear Tracy!
Crap you had to deal with that cheater-freak ‘Genesis Expert’ What a flamin’ freakazoid. Wow….Just Wow
Anywho……Even though I comment rarely, I read the posts & at least come of the comments nearly every day (when living my cheater-free life leaves me a little time!)
The value of what you do is beyond priceless. I will continue to support this amazing Nation as long as I can.
Kudos to you for your success. Continue to ForgeOn! my friend……
Supposed to say “some” of the comments…….
Guess I should improve my proof-reading skills!
The changes sound wonderful!!! I’ll take your snark and wisdom in any form! Thanks again for working hard to maintain this wonderful blog!
Good luck, CL!
YOU. ARE. AWESOME.
Feels just like leaving a cheater, (first genus, coder) gain a life, (new genius, coder). Congrats
CHUMP LADY 1
ESTHER PEREL 0
Look who’s having growth issues!
????
Yay! You are a rock star. Seriously.
I hope it would launch on Tuesday, any Tuesday.
This is great news! Happy to become a supporter today❤️ It’s the least I could do after all the guidance and strength I’ve received here
What a small small world! (Re: the story CL shared!)
Dear Shann,
On behalf of Chump Nation, thank you for supporting CL!
Yet another public service plea for anyone who can become a Patreon supporter to please do so.
Where would we all be without Chump Lady and this blog?
SO MUCH goes on behind the scenes AND IT ALL COSTS A FORTUNE (CL doesn’t like to talk about this so I will for her). She’s like most of us – working to make a living to support her family – and the costs and time of running this is insane.
Please join at any level you can. If your situation changes, you can increase, decrease or stop your contribution at any time.
????
Oh, and Tracy, endless thanks and gratitude forever from me to you.
I’ve been here forever and have no intention of leaving.
Congratulations on the upgrade and hope it’s seamless!
Love you and everything you do ❤️
AGREE! Even $3/month for all this knowledge and support?!?
You’ll never even miss it!
I haven’t even filed for divorce yet. Yes I have issues but I KNOW when I do I’ll need to visit you all frequently.
agreed – I will become a supporter again today. I think about it a lot, about where I would be mentally, spiritually, physically, and financially if I did not have CL and CN. Tracy and CN are on my gratitude list often.
This all sounds very exciting.
I feel your pain. You have a great idea for a blog and then some years in you end up trying to be an IT expert which is a world of never ending pain in itself, especially when it’s not your area of expertise. I hope the new site brings you a freer mind for your excellent writing and less mind space worrying about your back-end (oooh matron).
Can’t wait to see it revealed in all it’s glory. Just so you know the UBT in my head is Oscar the Grouch in the bin from Sesame Street.
There’s a Friday thread — what’s the UBT look like in your mind? Ha.
The UBT in action….
https://youtu.be/KThVn_UuM0I
Or some super computer like Deep Mind. Although it’s arguable that you don’t need that much computer power to be able to make sense of the bullshit that the UBT has to contend with!
Emailed a concept drawing. Kinda Cat n a Hat
Meme-ish
I can only imagine the Genesis Jesus Cheater didn’t like all the content outing her kind as a FW. hahaha
I am excited for the UBT part alone. Looking forward to making donations in the future but as I am keeping my CL reading on the DL at the moment, I will just keep buying an extra LACGAL from time to time to stuff in the little free libraries in my area. ????
new chump here – Dday was 4 months ago today. Just ordered the book 🙂
thank you for this site.
Welcome and wish you all the best!
Welcome and best wishes – read every day, and remember we are a Nation ❤
Good you have found it so soon – helps you all see things a lot more clearly and the best bit, Chump Lady and the nation will also have you in stitches as well at times which is a great medicine to help you through the who debacle.
((Hugs)). It gets better.
I’m deeply curious about the Jesus Cheater’s article. Did the UBT translate it? If so, where can I find the translation?
I did not UBT it. I just Googled and found the blog post again on Good Reads… and Mr. CL (the lawyer) says I cannot post it. I have a platform, she does not, defamation risk even if it’s true and demonstrable… sad face. A further deep dive into this person…. lots of start-ups since then. And personal messed up stuff.
Right there with you on the site redesigns freaking me out. I had a company proclaiming to do optimization—charged me a small fortune per month until my son did a random check if their work ( he’s a web guy as well). They weren’t doing what they were charging me for and I basically lost most of my profit for a (very short ) season so basically my income crapped for a full year. Expensive lesson to learn. He told me they could seriously screw up my site so I pay them a modest amount for hosting. I now used targeted Facebook campaigns for my busy season. It sucks not knowing and getting taken adavantage of.
Hello, gosh would love to help translate into Spanish; what are the criteria for helping (Spanish is my second language, but I have fooled people in the past and I do speak/write Spanish in my job selling things and fixing problems,
do we have to be a known chump, or is exploring the abuse dynamic from the perspective of chumpdom okay?
do we need to be on the other forums? (I am not).
Those are all rhetorical and you don’t have to answer here, I just got excited and started asking;
I did read the instructions to email.
Will the new site have an Edit button for one’s own post? in the case of autocorrect or other accidents?
Can there be a like button (or various emojis) – not that u need them; you’ve done very well without….
Can pictures be posted? not sure that’s a good idea due to the many enemies there are, if the site is not moderated, but just a thought.
On the comment function, I’ll ask. Last time I looked into an edit feature or up-likes, the issue was complicated because there are so many comments on the site and it would require a different plug-in, and it would change stuff in the archives and…. Some stuff that seems simple isn’t. But of course, it’s always changing.
“Like” and “comment” buttons!
Reply box at the top.
Maybe some links/articles on narcissism? Dana Morningstar, Debbie Mirza, George Simon, all were lifesavers for me.
There’s also a psychologist whose work is all about infidelity as abuse. I’ll find some links – audio interviews. They’re awesome!
P.S. YOU are THE BEST!!!
Were you thinking of Omar Minwalla?
https://theinstituteforsexualhealth.com/blog/
What an amazing article. Everything CL preaches. Thanks for sharing.
This interview with Debbie Mirza is spot-on. Even more illuminating than her Covert Passive Aggressive Narc book, IMO. https://lifelessons.co/personal-development/covertpassiveaggressivenarcissist/
I also strongly recommend the DoctorRamani YouTube channel on narcissistic abuse and dealing with toxic people. Her academic training shines through – she actually cites relevant literature in the field – though she translates the work for a lay audience, in a very personable way. She’s also uploaded a ton of content since the pandemic started. She’s very clear that the most effective way to deal with a toxic person is No Contact or gray rock/managing expectations. Because that’s her focus, a lot of videos deal with “fixing your picker” issues rather than trying to control the uncontrollable. ????
Dr. Ramani is AMAZING! I’ve never seen such clear explanations of how narcs work, the multiple flavours of narcdom and how best to deal w/them.
CL – congratulations and what a slog for you… thank you for not giving up! This sounds like it will be amazing. I shudder to think of the newbies yet to come, but take comfort knowing CL and CN will be here for them in this new dynamic, user-friendly way!
Cool! I think this is a great opportunity!
As a lawyer, my hackles were raised by what you have gone through with this contractor. I know your husband is there to provide advice but I cannot help thinking about legal remedies for the harm this wingnut caused.
I’m so very sorry she did this to you, to all of us in the Chump Nation.
I’m really excited about your new platform! I’m active on the CL infidelity FB group but I do miss the forums here. The threads were lifesaving.
Thanks for the heads up on changes. I’ve been in IT and web design for decades. Just know that more than most industries, change is a constant on the interwebs.
Thanks for providing this service.
I can’t even imagine not having found this site and your book. To be validated and have someone call it what it is …. in only the way Tracy can….❤️…. no words..
Cool thanks for the gift of all of this You have helped so many people including me Thanks for having our back Good luck wit it all
This blog relaxes me, not only with the wonderful content but also with its plain font style and calming colors. I hope it doesn’t change. In some cases when there is an update, the web designers like to add too many features, choose striking background colors, “adjust” the font style. I hope it won’t be the case this time, and both CL and CN enjoy the new look.
That you got mixed up with a cheater who did what all of these asshats do (likely because her BS was called out all over your site) and ripped you off with your site design is just…WOW. Mind. Blown. I guess there’s just an infestation of these sickos everywhere. As always, good riddance to bad rubbish. Fingers crossed for a pleasant transition to the new site!
Chump Lady, I feel for you. What a betrayal by the IT OW FW. We know she lacked ethics since she was a cheater in her marriage, but does that justify screwing you over too? Imagine her blog post: “I ripped off my clients to get closer to God.”
You provide such a tremendous service to Chump Nation. I hope the transition goes smoothly and frees up more of your time for a fabulous life.
Great of Amiisfree and MrWonderful’sEx to suggest buying copies of your book as gifts for chumps and especially to stock Little Free Libraries. One that I visit has recently been full of books about how to cope with your partner’s affair, how to help the narcissist, etc. They boil down to smile while you eat the shit sandwich, because it’s your fault. At least fifty-fifty, if not all your fault. Taking them out of circulation would probably be a public service. Replacing them with “Leave a Cheater” could be salvation of someone’s sanity.
What a great idea. “Borrow” all of the RIC industry book that victimize chumps further and stock them full of LACGAL. muwahahahaha But seriously, maybe leave one behind because some chumps are not ready to unchump. Just put a sticky note on the front that says, “When you are ready top stop being chumped, read the other book. LACGAL”
Sounds great Tracy I can’t wait to see it! And too, too GD funny that a cheater in the middle of destroying her family was working on your site. All that reality shoved in her face must have rattled her cage on some level. I’m sorry that experience cost you stress and money, but damn the mental image I have of this person reading your blog is entertaining
Could we have a Silver Chumps section? To support each other while navigating our ‘Grey divorce’ (yep that’s what they call it) support with retirement, Social Security and Medicare, etc. So many of us Chumps, especially older Chumps, have so little experience dealing with financial matters. Whatever the new site looks like, we will adjust and we will love it…. Thank you for all of your hard work CL.
I love that idea! I was married 24 years, now divorced for 7 years. Never dated, just concentrated on my daughters. Now I have an empty nest. I have several years of work left, but what do I do with myself? I’d love to hear from other Silver Chumps.
I believe if you join the Reddit or Facebook pages, there is a greater opportunity to connect with chumps in particular categories. It’s much more private and affords the opportunity to be more open and honest about specific issues.
I can’t take credit for the idea, it was mentioned back in the old forum days. But I don’t recall there being anything done with it, so ???? this time.
I love everything about this post. Congrats, CL!
The only suggestion I have is maybe a surprise weekend post every now and then? It’s a long two days to wait for new content lol. It always makes me happy when something is posted on the weekend.
Great news Tracy. It takes a different type person to be a code monkey. Weird coincidence? There are no coincidences.
I couldn’t do it, scouring over line after line of code, sub-routine calls, nested equation after equation if them. Fortran about killed me and that was ages ago.
Any road, I’m Asking for the others like me to include a Simple man’s/woman’s dictionary of slang/street words (aka- ‘beard’ from yesterday) used in our nation’s discourse. Paul could be a great assist asset for the legal definitions we encounter in divorce. Void ab initio, vacate, etc.
Here, … I’ll start with one my daughter in law clued me into. (My favorite)
THOT: :that H0 over there”
ML out and Thank You
Yep….after coming across come old fb messaging, I had to google what a “bottom” is.????Don’t know how I would have handled that knowledge a few years ago. Now…”trust they suck”
Oh! Almost forgot, post her (the code cheater’s) letter for the weekend readers to feast on.
Paybacks a bitch with a fresh squeeze of Lemon haze schadenfreud. ????. Like having a 50 yardline box seat to throwing the Christians to the lions.
Too bad Tracy can’t post her name and business info to divert income from the extorting thief !
First thing – please include an RSS feed so Susie Lee doesn’t have to comment “follow” every time she wants to see all the threads of responses. This will make her (and a lot of others’) lives better… <3 Then she can just open her RSS reader & see everything that happened on the article! 🙂
Second thing – put a translation widget embedded in your page. I use https://gtranslate.io/, the free version, for my website, but there are plenty of others (Google has an excellent business version). This is so non-English speaking readers can understand the comments too, not just the articles. It will save you a lot of time.
Third thing – I hope the annoying little CAPTCHA thing that hangs out on the right hand side of the mobile page long after you've used it is going away. (Just being a picky pain in the a**.)
Fourth thing – next time… use a third party site to hire your freelancers through, like guru.com, so you can review the feedback of their work in advance, and you have some leverage in getting money back/not having to pay until milestones are completed etc. I've done that before & gotten some *really* good coders that way.
Fifth thing – sending you & your fam big Valentine's Day hugs! I can never tell you how much I appreciate you & what you've done for me. XOXOXO <3
I passed all these GREAT suggestions on to Mary the IT guru. Thanks!!
I have increased my monthly patron amount as a huge THANK YOU Chump Lady and Chump Nation for keeping us all sane! Congratulations!! You are the true GOAT!
This is great news! I love that you are putting categories into compartments especially the answers to,”what should I do?”
I’d like to suggest a couple of resources. The book by Susan Murphy Milano titled Moving Out, Moving On. It could go under what to do as well s books. It’s an invaluable resource to getting out of an abusive situation.
The other is Safe Relationships Magazine. I consider it another invaluable resource to help understand personality disorders. Their book Women who Love Psychopaths offers scientific info on what the hell happened and why. I’ve taken their classes, worked with them in counseling for a bit until I found someone within my insurance, and educate my attorney and therapist with their work.
Of course LACGAL is right up there as well!
I just became a Patron today and am glad to have the opportunity to contribute a little to CL each month in order to keep this AMAZING support and information flowing. My DDay was in 2009, but I didn’t discover Chump Nation until about two years ago. Interestingly enough I was looking for support for my girls’ stepmom because my former husband cheated on her. I unknowingly wrote a sappy letter about the friendship we have blah blah blah that I now cringe thinking about. Yes, I got smacked a little; but more importantly, I felt supported and heard. I have continued to read as often as possible, and I have recommended CL to more people than I like to admit (cheating is rampant). Here’s to the new site. May it continue providing wisdom, support, friendship, and awareness. Thank you, CL, for all you’ve done and continue to do. The impact you have on so many may never be fully recognized.
WOW!!! OMFG!! You cannot make this shit up! Unfreakingbelievable that the designer is a cheater – Sorry for all the headaches, but I am going to laugh now. BAAAH HAHAHAHAHA! Yep, I am sure she had her panties in a bunch – still, so completely unprofessional. I wonder what Jesus would say about her screwing you over???
Suggestions:
-Edit, like, emoji capabilities on the comments
-Book recommendation: (oldie but goodie) “When Your Lover Is A Liar” by Susan Forward
-Haha sounds like you’ve gone soft on the IT Jesus Cheater…”consequences”!
Thanks so much Tracy, you’re the best!!
If you ever need a translation to Italian, Im your girl!!!
Kudos on the upgrade!!!
Wow, CL, thank you for the reminder that grifters in our personal lives are very often grifters out on the world. So sorry yet another cheater screwed you over with their lies and manipulation!
I would love it if there were a way to like a post…sometimes I’m not up for writing and I just want the poster to know I totally agree with what they’ve said. A thumbs up would be great!
New here and so thankful that I found this to replace the infinite pixels of BS out there. Finally struck gold in CL and CN while frantically panning for nuggets of wisdom and truth to help make sense of the malarkey and heal. Congratulations – sounds like an exciting move for you… and CN! Good kick in the butt to become a paying supporter, which I’ve been meaning to do anyway. Always floored by what everyone here writes. Merci!!!
Congratulations! That’s awesome! Wonderful service you provide to us.
Just fixed my Patreon account CL – I had no idea the card had expired, we are back in business!
Thank you for all that you do for us; I am still here (since your first post) and the content is as relevant as ever. I specifically love the ‘Let’s Open Our Marriage’ posts, since this was my shock & awe 🙂
Oh my. If the cheater fake web designer took up with a soccer coach from another country, then I’ve met her at a blog conference. That woman was crazy.
Ummm…
Thank you guys all for the kind words and the new Patreon support. You all rock. Now back to creating pages… working today on…
It would be really nice to have a tab for inspirational sayings, affirmations etc for when we need a quick hit of positivity to keep us on track to building a better life and not focus on the old one
Hi Tracy,
Any chance of bringing the Forums back? I haven’t used the Reddit group but I have been a member of the Facebook group pretty much from the beginning and although well intentioned, it is not, IMO a great substitute for the old Forums on this site. There are too many trolls, too many “experts” who have never read the book, read your blog or read through the Archives. There are many, many of the comments about “giving Cheaters another chance” and the like that fly in the face of what Chump Nation is all about. And the trolling-for-chump-booty-call selfies are icky and triggering. I’m not blaming the moderators – there are a shit ton of posts and it would be difficult or impossible to keep up with it all in that setting. Hence my hope that the Forums come back with the same sort of controls that they used to have.
Thanks for all you do Tracy!