I have one that I would LOVE to go through the Universal Bullshit Translator. As a chump I so want to believe he is truly sorry for what he has done, but his actions have not shown that, at least to me. While I still wait for Tuesday and that dreamed of place called Meh, this chump will continue putting one foot in front of the other. But I still don’t know how someone can just “throw away” their kids. As a mom, we NEVER, no matter what their age is, want to see our kids hurting.
My husband of 36 years was caught having an affair with the 29-year-old fiancé of one of his employees. She also happened to be a classmate and friend of our daughter-in-law.
I discovered the affair about 4 p.m. in the afternoon and told him he had to tell our two adult children that night. When 9 p.m. rolled around I checked with our two kids if they had heard from their dad and was told no, I had them over and broke the news. TOTAL shock and devastation. They thought he was just the epitome of a good guy and a great dad. (I, like all chumps, was very good about putting him on a pedestal and doing everything, making him out to be the “best” to everyone.) They were very close and talked pretty much every day. Like me, they thought we had a very close and loving family. Anyway, that was 22 months ago — they have not heard a word from him since.
NOTHING. No birthday cards, no Merry Christmas, NOT A WORD.
Now they didn’t want anything to do with him. Didn’t like what he had done or how he had done it. We live in a small town and he was a public figure, so it continually gets brought up to them to this day. Such a soap opera. Still, I was very hurt for them that he didn’t at least TRY to contact them, even if it was just a text message… ANYTHING. I have been no contact since the divorce was final three months after I discovered the affair.
The ex and the OW were married this summer and just had a new baby a few weeks ago. Yep, he is 58 and she is 30. Today in the mail both my boys received the following letter. I’d like to put in thru the UBT as I just cant figure out WHY he would reach out to them FOR THE FIRST TIME, this way? Both the letter and the envelope were typed, no return address.
I hope you’re not upset I sent this picture to you. And I hope someday I get to know both my brothers. I’m sure you know by now I was born on xxxxxx.
I know things aren’t good between you and our dad. I also know that he feels terrible about how things went and is so sorry he hurt so many people, especially you. I know he wanted to send you the very first pictures of me but was afraid it would only hurt you more. He says he understands why you feel the way you do and is so sorry for that. I know if someday your ever want to reach out to him, that would be ok but until then, he will continue to respect your feelings. I finally convinced him to send this just to let you know he thinks of you both everyday and hopes you’re going to be ok.
Wow. That baby can write bullshit at a few weeks old? She’s a bullshit prodigy! Must get such talent from her father.
The UBT is happy to oblige.
I hope you’re not upset I sent this picture to you.
I hope you’re not upset that I’ve been avoiding you for nearly two years. Been real busy erasing my past.
And I hope someday I get to know both my brothers.
Here’s a cute picture of an innocent baby. You wouldn’t reject a BABY would you? (Rejecting adult children is understandable. But babies still have that shiny, new-human smell!)
I’m sure you know by now I was born on xxxxxx.
Which you determined through your telepathic powers, Facebook stalking, or small town gossip.
I know things aren’t good between you and our dad. I also know that he feels terrible about how things went and is so sorry he hurt so many people, especially you.
Please accept my apologies with this anonymous letter that has no return address.
I know he wanted to send you the very first pictures of me but was afraid it would only hurt you more.
So with that consideration in mind — HERE I AM! Fuck your feelings — check out my NEW LIFE!
He says he understands why you feel the way you do and is so sorry for that.
He’s sorry you feel that way. #feeltheremorse #sosad #sausageweeps
I know if someday you ever want to reach out to him, that would be ok
But you’re going to have to work for it, kids. Guess my contact information. I’m thinking of a number between one and 13,567.
but until then, he will continue to respect your feelings.
Some call it “abandonment” — I call it “respect.”
I finally convinced him to send this
At two weeks old, I have awesome powers of persuasion. But it took a lot of convincing. His set point was “Why waste typewriter ribbon on grown children?” I’m like, “Dude! It’s been two years! What better way to convey your regrets than with my existence? I’m evidence of their obsolescence! And besides, everyone LOVES babies!” #nevertooyoungtotriangulate
just to let you know he thinks of you both everyday
And that’s what matters really, what’s in his head. I assure you, all his thoughts are noble, if rarely expressed. And the beautiful thing about thoughts is, you can’t prove them. Unlike actions, which you should never pay attention to. Hey, I THOUGHT OF YOU!
and hopes you’re going to be ok.
To be. In the future sense. Okay. Because I’m sure you’re just ripped to shreds and can’t go on without me, right? Twenty-two months and NO PICK ME DANCE? I can only guess it’s because of your utter devastation and inability to get up off the floor. Well, a cloying aria of self-pity and photo of your newborn half-sibling should goad you into responding. I await your reply. #dancemotherfucker
Kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss off.
This one ran previously. Working on the new site.