Happy Tuesday! (The day the pain stops, for you CN newbies.) I’m sharing this inspiring tale of Mightiness today with permission from Tyra, a chump badass, who posted it on Facebook. — Tracy
So… Hi everyone I am Tyra.
I am 2 years post D-day and 6 months post divorce finalization.
In the 30 days following D-day I found out that my husband was a porn addict, sex addict, had been in chat rooms on fetlife and had been having an affair with a woman who lost her life when her husband shot her to death in front of their children because my husband would not leave her alone.
Yup, that was a hell of a one-two punch. Woman dead, children orphaned, my marriage over and future in complete limbo.
But I don’t tell you this to garner sympathy… but instead I want to inspire you to strength. Because here I am 2 years later, I am actually doing REALLY well.
Thanks to a really great trauma therapist (please find one) I found out how miserable I was prior to his adulteries (yes there was more than one, I hired a great PI) being uncovered.
To say that man followed the narcissists playbook for destroying my self-esteem and other peoples lives is an understatement. But yet, here I am… alive, well, content, financially secure and yes, even happy… actually the happiest I have been in years.
I recently said to a friend; “I often wonder if am I a shadow of my former self, the one who was married 20+ years to a narcissist? Or was she a shadow of who I was before her?”
So I have a challenge for you…
I know you look in the mirror and see someone who is broken but you’re not… you only think you are because you are no longer the self you were while trapped by “them”. The truth is you are something SO much more now. You may not see it clearly but you will sooner than you think.
During this time of rediscovery of who you really are now that your parasite partner is gone, go out and learn something you have never done before. It will not only expand your mind and create new neural pathways in your trauma addled brain it will also make you realize that you are so much more than you think you are right now.
I, chose to learn to ride a motorcycle.
I went to Harley Davidson, signed up for and took the class to learn to ride and loved it. Two months later I bought the second largest motorcycle in the Harley Davidson line ip as my first bike and here I am today riding to work with wind in my face, owning who I am and celebrating my survival of something that could easily have killed me.
Oh and I grew out my hair to a head full of grey and silver at only 52 years old! ACK! But right now authenticity is SO important to me that I see my silver hair as yet another gift.
So if I can convince you of only one thing today…. know that you will get through this. It’s going to hurt like a mother fucker and grief is NOT linear, and you cannot go around it, you have to go through it to get to the other side.
So go out and pick something tough to learn that is TOTALLY outside your comfort zone, it may just surprise you how much you love it.
And if you do buy a motorcycle, make sure you pick a particularly pithy vanity plate for it. ????