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The Bill and Melinda Gates Divorce

Bill Gates
Source: Wikipedia

Bill Gates is a cheater. And his wife left him. Those simple facts make Bill Gates incredibly ordinary, despite his vast wealth and world-changing charitable giving.

Which just goes to show, that all the riches in the world can’t save you from your own stupid.

Before I snark about Microsoft founder Bill Gates and salute Melinda Gates for her classy exit from this shit show, let’s get a couple things out of the way.

1.) No whackadoodle conspiracy theories please. I don’t want to hear about microchips planted in babies or anti-vax lunacy.

2.) The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation does amazing work around the globe to eradicate HIV, malaria, COVID-19. They spend more on world health than the World Health Organization does. Heck, they contributed nearly 10 percent of the WHO’s budget.

Not every gazillionaire gives this kind of money away or has saved millions of lives through disease prevention and access to health care. So, drag Bill Gates for his wandering dick, but please leave the Gates Foundation out of it.

Thank you, now let’s get right into Melinda Gates being called “bitter” and frigid. Because, of course.

The Daily Beast reports:

The ex-employee said Bill and Melinda appeared to be distant and leading separate lives even more than a decade ago. “This has been going on a long time,” the source said, adding that Melinda was “bitter” and “wasn’t that into him.”

Gee. I wonder why. COULD IT BE BECAUSE BILL’S BEEN FUCKING AROUND FOR YEARS?

Or that he disparages Melinda to his golf buddies?

Oh! Or was it that he kept hanging around child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein after Melinda told him not to? A hint she wasn’t cool with it —  after this was publicly reported by the Wall St. Journal and the New York Times, in Oct. 2019, she drew up divorce papers.

No, no, no. It must be that chump Melinda, who endured her husband’s creeping on other women, vacationing with an ex-girlfriend, and having an affair with an employee is haughty and cold.

Hey, he was hanging out with Epstein for the stimulating dinner conversation, says a friend! Because Melinda wouldn’t allow things. Controlling Chump Narrative 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

The friend said the couple’s strictly regimented existence as billionaire philanthropists supplanted the more normal life and levity they enjoyed in younger years. “Bill is far less comfortable being out in the world,” the person said. “For Bill, it was just so rare he was allowed to do normal things, which I think he really craved.”

To Bill, such “normal” things included meeting new people over dinner at Epstein’s home—a break from the tech mogul’s tightly choreographed schedule of events where he’d be seated at the head table with the most prominent guests.

“Bill was embarrassed by the attention an entourage would have brought,” the person said. “His entourage was security, and he never looked comfortable with it. With Melinda, it was very imperious, ‘The Queen has arrived’ kind of thing.”

 

Yes, who among us hasn’t wanted to let our hair down with a convicted sex offender? Or turned to them for marital advice?

Bachelor sex-offender Jeffrey Epstein gave Bill Gates advice on ending his marriage with Melinda after the Microsoft co-founder complained about her during a series of meetings at the money manager’s mansion, according to two people familiar with the situation.

Gates used the gatherings at Epstein’s $77 million New York townhouse as an escape from what he told Epstein was a “toxic” marriage, a topic both men found humorous, a person who attended the meetings told The Daily Beast.

When you have to go to Jeffrey Epstein for relationship advice, maybe the toxic marriage is you, Bill.

Melinda, meanwhile, is negotiating her bazillion dollar buyout. Her wife appliance days are over. Chump Nation wishes her all the best in her new and improved Bill Gates-free life. The Queen HAS arrived.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
    • I made the mistake of watching the Epstein. documentary on Netflix.

      “Sex offender” is such an understatement. That guy raped and molested middle school girls on a daily basis. “Rapist and pedophile Jeffery Epstein” might be more apt.

      Good on Melinda for leaving! It is hard enough an average gal, and our divorces were never going to be worldwide news.

      I can’t imagine if leaving my husband meant my face was going to be on the cover of every newspaper, and my name and reputation was going to be dragged through the dirt. A queen indeed!

          • I think the commenter meant that it’s harder to make the decision to divorce if you’re a practicing Catholic. And Christians are called to forgive an infinite amount (70×7) of times because that’s how many times God forgives us. It’s an even harder place to be if you give into the dogma. I am happy that Melinda is getting out.

        • I get that, but yet many of us (I would say most) faced put downs, public humiliation the very same way. No it wasn’t world wide, because our life was not world wide, but my life was well know in my community, and fall out from his actions actually hit the newspaper, in terms of his demotions.

          Everyone knew, folks took sides. I had to walk around in a community where everyone knew my ex consorted with town whores. It was my world.

          It was public humiliation, every bit as painful to me as what MG has faced, and she has had the advantage of vast assets to help her through. Most of us had to face it with little to no money to cushion the blows.

          I feed bad for her pain, but it was not worse than most other betrayed wives.

          BG is a common cheater he followed the cheaters playbook, same as the rest.

          Maybe MG can open up the conversation of what betrayed spouses go through, and not try to protect him because of the foundation. He is a rank and file abuser of women.

          • I was about to say the same thing about assets. I don’t in any way mean that as a dig on Melinda. But it is orders of magnitude harder to leave a marriage when you will be constantly struggling to make ends meet.

            • Right. God bless MG and I know she hurts just as bad as we do.

              But yes assets do make a difference. I myself was working a minimum wage job, and I still consider myself one of the lucky ones, as my son was fully emancipated, and I didn’t have to pay off debt that my fw ran up. He had to pay off the debt, since I had proof that he ran a lot of it up spending on the whore and her kids.

          • I’m speaking for women/men who have high profile and well connected, well paid spouses. I stayed for as long as I did because of fear that I would lose my children and any financial stability that I had as well as my reputation.
            These well connected cheaters know judges, reporters, newspaper editors, politicians, etc. He often threatened to put me in jail and because he had helped US Congressmen and State judges get elected, the possibility existed.
            I left without telling him and was able to remove half of a pretty hefty CD before he was able to stop me.
            As Chumplady says, it’s not the chump olympics, but there are a lot of variables in play for all of us and in my case, it turned out that he was more afraid of his reputation so he kept his mouth shut. He did run around telling everyone I stole his money though. Funny, I never had to return it…..

          • I agree that a lot of our home-town chumps have shown the same courage and mighty Melinda is showing here, though on a smaller scale. Sheroes, every one of us!

            • 👍

              That is all I meant. I mean no disrespect to chumps of wealth. It all sucks. But being able to pay your bills, and take proper care of your children, helps a lot.

              If my ex had outed himself when my son was young, it would have been so much harder for me. I know that as poor as I was, I was so much better off than many.

    • I read this again and had to wonder how the author of the piece didn’t question (or laugh) Billy Boy Gates about getting marital advice from Jeffrey Epstein.

      This does read like a parody.

      Hollywood would be mocked for having this in a script because “hey, this is unbelievable. Because what ‘genius’ asks a never-married -convicted- pedophile for ADVICE?”

      The only things of interest here are 1) the weirdness of having Epstein as a backdrop to an otherwise totally unoriginal cheater story of an awkward needy nerd,

      and 2) the victorious chump story of my new hero, MELINDA GATES.

      Guess I’ll focus on the latter and ignore the former.

      But I’ll call out anyone who bad mouths this woman. F- that.

      Change the narrative.

      It’s up to us to spread the truth and counter that cruel blame shifting bullshit.

      If not us, who?

      • Anyone else think ol’ cheater Bill turned to Epstein for advice precisely BECAUSE he knew his wacky narratives wouldn’t be challenged?
        I’d imagine a man who has underage girls as sex slaves would not be the type of person to hold up a mirror and keep someone accountable when they’re betraying their wife and business partner.

  • These comments about Melinda are so bad, it’s awful. At least when you are attempting to make up shit about another add more spice.

    The truth is, they had NOTHING! Friends with Epstein…think I am going to be sick…[barf]

    • They read like satire. I can’t believe the author of the piece didn’t question their life choices when using Epstein to defend Bill Gates.

  • Imagine if Bill Gates had decided to discuss his marital issues around the dinner table with someone like Jimmy Carter!

    Everyone has their own expertise. If he wanted advice on sleazy, entitled, misogynistic behavior, Epstein was a completely reasonable source, but if he wanted a healthy marriage, he would have looked elsewhere.

    • Yes, or his preacher, or hey even his wife.

      If my ex, had come to me and said Susie, I am not happy and I want to go fuck the town whore, obviously I would have been hurt and likely surprised; but I know my first thought would have been lets get some professional help. I know that would have been my first thought, because it was my first thought when I saw he was pushing me away. I actually said why don’t we talk to our preacher. His response “No, I don’t need someone else telling me how to live my life, it is just work stress yada yada”

      He didn’t want someone else telling him how to live his life, but the whores lips were in his ear and he was listening.

      • I asked my now-ex husband to go to marriage counseling. He said in his sad-sausage way, “No. There’s nothing they could say that would make a difference” implying that it was me and I wouldn’t change. And I believed him and tap-danced harder. He told the truth for once! There really was nothing that a counselor would say that could make a difference. He enjoyed fucking around and he wasn’t going to stop. I just didn’t know it.

        • In the early, soul-crushing days after dday ex blurted out that we wouldn’t be going for counseling because “it might give you hope that isn’t there.” It was the ONLY thing post dday he ever said that was true. I know it now but at that moment it was just more cruelness coming out of his mouth.

          • They delude themselves into thinking they are big prizes. They are not.

            They are self absorbed unloving sad little men, and will never know the joy of true loyalty and devotion.

            • “They delude themselves into thinking they are big prizes.”

              So true. I remember a conversation long after we split, but the D was not final. I am not sure how this convo came about, but he said “well whores parents want the best for her too” I said and they think her screwing with a married man is best for her? He just blankly stared at me. I guess snappy comebacks aren’t as easy once you have been outed as a low life.

    • This. Gates clearly enjoys swimming in the cesspool with his fellow bottom feeders. Who better to turn to for marital advice than a convicted pedophile and sex trafficker, seeing that Ted Bundy was no longer available to provide guidance on how to treat other human beings.

      I’m hoping that Melinda and the foundation thrive and prosper without Bill. Wealth and success are not buffers against abuse and toxicity.

    • My x had a really sleazy, awful friend who he would seek advice from….marriage and parenting advice in particular. I could never understand…but this puts it in perspective. He went to the person who had the type of answers he wanted to hear.

      • My father has a sleazy friend like this too.

        A friend he denies is even a friend most of the time.

        Of course my father is an adulterer.

    • My fw used to sit in a bar and complain (aka lie) about our marriage to a guy who is not only well known as a misogynist, but he uses prostitutes, frequents strip clubs, is a severe alcoholic, and his own wife hates his guts, not the least of the reasons being that he’s a serial cheater who got caught with a coworker.

      So fw says to me he was with this guy and his wife and he couldn’t get over how she was so cold to him. He seemed genuinely appalled and said he never wanted our marriage to get so bad that I was that cold to him. “He’s a cheater, so of course she hates him. That’s the price you pay.” was my response, and he nodded in agreement. Naturally fw’s alleged horror of me becoming so cold to him didn’t make him stop and think about ending his own cheating with a coworker. Knowing this douche he looked up to had gotten caught doing the same thing as he was doing didn’t give him pause either.

      Cheaters are really stupid. Smh.

  • Team Melinda!

    Yes, belittling and holding back your wife plus finding a sex trafficker as your buddy/ sounds like a perfect way to improve your marriage.
    She will be fine. She will rock and show her true potential now- kids are out of the house, she can focus on herself.
    Bill can go and screw himself; or find a gold digger ( like Mr.B) and pretend that he won

    Melinda, you rock!

    • Yup, how long till Bill is photographed with a blonde 23 year old on his arm?

      Just another old horny cheater

  • “When you have to go to Jeffrey Epstein for relationship advice, maybe the toxic marriage is you, Bill.” This! When will they realize they are deluded? Clearly they have no critical person in their success-driven, entitled-thinking universe. Chump Nation seems to be on a whole other planet.

    Great example on how this works the same way on all levels. Thanks again CL, the narrative needs to CHANGE!

    Not only could we become more aware of the universal ways of cheating, we may actually come to realize that wealth and success is no guarantee for a fullfilling life, and that sincere relationships are probably a more interesting bet. I’m hoping for a more humane world! Yey!

    And all the best to Melinda, who deserves a better story.

    • Hilarious, and today’s news is even more ironic. Apparently BG was hoping Epstein( remember…the pedophile) could help him win a Nobel Peace Prize.🤣🙄The organization has taken some hits to its reputation lately…..not sure it is what it once was.

    • Melinda has started Pivotal Ventures and GET Cities over the past few years to empower women and girls.

      I know I need some of this support because pivoting back into the workforce after decades away raising kids and promoting the fuckwit’s career has left my career history with gaping holes and no clear professional progression.

      Melinda has a great story and is already mighty in dropping the fuckwit. I feel bad for their kids.

      • @Hope Springs: ????! If that’s how it goes, there is little hope.. (understatement)

        @Over it: Good luck, you can do it! I don’t have kids and have never been married (I escaped my FW just in time), so I had no choice but to make my own money. I have never been super career oriented, but actually being single has given me the chance to direct myself by bit to a career that I imagined impossible and is so fullfilling (like becoming an independent designer & illustrator, a life long dream of mine!) Career gaps are not personal gaps. Raising children allows so many qualities that seem more valuable than what you find on a regular CV. Divorcing a FW shows resilience and selflove. I hope people will become more open minded to that.

        • “ Career gaps are not personal gaps. Raising children allows so many qualities that seem more valuable than what you find on a regular CV. Divorcing a FW shows resilience and selflove. I hope people will become more open minded to that.”

          I hope so, too. I love how you put this, Giraffy.

          • A first-I saw a woman list “SAHM” on her résumé. Brava for her. More women should do this since it’s labor albeit unpaid.

  • Welcome, Melinda French Gates, to Chump Nation! As MANY women (and men) here know, the success of their cheaters was in large part due to the hard work of behind-the-scenes spouse appliances. THANK YOU, Melinda, for everything you have given us. We see you.

    Ugh, at least I have a good reason to go with the creepy vibe I get from Bill, now. I am so glad their children seem to see through the bullshit and that they are supporting their Mom.

    • Yes, we are here for you even if it will never be safe to out yourself here…I hope you have found us. Sometime when you are in DC, email CL and we can all meet. You and I can talk Catholicism and we can all discuss vaccinations and public health. You rock and have people here…we can all be “bitter” together.

  • This is Exhibit A, on top of other massive amounts of evidence, that cheaters are so very unoriginal.

    The “frigid/rigid/imperious” wife appliance narrative to justify an outrageous & malignant sense of entitlement that enables you to break your vows is just so mundane now.

    So very ordinary and “un-special.” The only exotic detail in this “same old same old story” is the infamous batchelor pedophile part, AND him giving MARRIAGE ADVICE. Nice touch, Bill.

    Lest we forget, Bill Gates is NOT a physically attractive man. He’s NOT charming and he’s NOT witty. It’s painfully awkward to see him at social events.
    He is rich but he’s no winner.

    I am rooting for the attractive, smart and warm Melinda Gates to survive and thrive without that boring, nerdy cheater badmouthing her behind her back. What a pathetically small man he is.

    • He seems to have shrunk, especially in that photo with his daughter. So pathetic he’s already triangulating them. And he looks like shit.

      These Narc FWs truly have the same okay book.

        • They do, and I do think attractiveness is in part character.

          My ex was never a movie star type of good looking, but to me he was attractive, and he had the biggest blue eyes and big dimples, he was what I called a Robert Mitchum type. But, as I had mentioned to C6, after all the fall out and I saw him down the line, he had shrank into this rat looking character. It was weird.

    • “The “frigid/rigid/imperious” wife appliance narrative to justify an outrageous & malignant sense of entitlement that enables you to break your vows is just so mundane now.”

      Yep, every cheater seems to give some variant of this excuse, and people automatically make this assumption when a man cheats.
      When a woman cheats, the assumption tends to be that her husband doesn’t meet her emotional needs or is boring in the sack.

  • I wondered when the congrats for Melinda Gates’s classy exit from the marriage would be celebrated here.

    When I found out that Melinda had started to draw up her divorce papers in 2019, I wanted to salute her. This, folks, is a wonderful example of lining up the ducks. By the time the news broke, everything was pretty much settled.

    I wish Melinda all the best as she moves forward, cheater-free.

    • When I read about her starting in 2019, it made me feel less bad about taking my time to line up the ducks. Klootzak has security cameras posted so I can’t even walk the dog without being grilled about it. I bet she had to also be super down low as to her plans. I applaud her getting a better, more authentic life.

  • Chump Lady’s much-anticipated take on The Geek Cheater.

    Wow, just WOW: “advice” from cesspit Epstein on how to end his marriage? I hadn’t read this piece yet. Says A LOT about Billy Boy. Disgusting.

    Rather comforting to know that even Melinda gets her share of bitter blameshifting crap. I am so glad she had the guts to finally kick his ridiculous ass out.

    As for the BMGF, even though Bill probably built it for the wrong reasons (or at Melinda’s prodding?), it does a great amount of good, no doubt. It is the least this creep could do. I wonder what the psychoanalysts have to say about cheater philanthropy. Because Epstein gave away alot of his money. Me thinks they like to be around sycophants.

    • I chalk up the donations to image management. “Look what a great person I am!” Klootzak is always helpful with anything the neighbors might need. Fixes their cars. Lifts heavy things for the elderly. Lends them tools. A few have seen how I am treated but others think he is Mr. Wonderful. I’m glad for every dollar doing someone in the world some good but these characters use it to cover an ugly soul. I wonder if Melinda didn’t encourage establishing the foundation to make sure a nice chunk of money would go to help others before she bailed. Good for her!

  • Sigh… When the Gates divorce story first broke I was annoyed by the immediate speculation that one or both of them were cheating. “Maybe” I thought, “they are just two adults who decided to end a marriage for whatever reasons normal, non-cheating people decide to end a marriage.” I tried, Bill. I really did give you the benefit of the doubt. But nope. Just you’re just another standard, run-of-the-mill, cookie cutter, blame shifting, Chump blaming, Cheater pants. Melinda, I hope you fully embrace your Queen status as in Queen of Your Own Cheater-Free Life. It doesn’t mean you’re a snob or a bitch. It means you acknowledge your own power and agency. I have a crown tattoo to remind myself daily that I am indeed the Queen of my life.

  • That news and a very short interview I watched last week when the news broke wherein BG was asked about his association with JE – his reply smacked me right between the eyes.

    A profound wake up call. His bold face lie. No remorse. No apology to anyone. The waves of entitlement wafting out of him and off of the screen was such a profound demonstration of all that CL writes about here in regards the total fuckedupness of these fws.

    Everything she writes about them was demonstrated in a few mere comments. I was left KNOWING
    “THEY DO NOT CARE.” and hence, a deepening of knowing that despite my fantasies, the x in my life doesn’t care, didn’t care, will never care for anyone other than himself. Void humanoids.

    Now Melinda.

    I couldn’t help but cheer her on and wonder if she has been lurking here because she certainly has done her due diligence according to CL’s plans for liberation.

    She became one of my heroes when I read her book, ‘The Moment of Lift’.

    https://www.amazon.com/s?k=melinda+gates+book+the+moment+of+lift&crid=202CZIV9MX06I&sprefix=melinda+ga%2Caps%2C346&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_3_10

    She is a wise woman and I feel for her not only as a woman who was betrayed but as a mother who has to watch her children suffer due to their father being a serial cheater/slut and it is all so public…My heart goes out to them. Doubly painful because hers are close in age to mine when the x ‘claimed his independence’.

    So many ivory towers tumbling down. Knew it was happening with all of these ‘powerful’ men in the world but to watch it happening is entirely another thing especially now since it is so personal to me.

    I see and feel it all through new eyes thanks to CL and CN.

    I have my own UBT thanks to Tracy but it can’t compare to hers 🙂

  • I love the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies. I’ve always thought Fregley was based on Bill Gates. Maybe at the time casting knew something the rest of us didn’t?

    Bill Gates has the Cheese Touch.

    There is no way to get the Epstein slime off. If you hung out with him you’re a cohort. The locals in the Caribbean had a sinister nickname for his private island and those who associate with him knew
    nothing? Wow. I would think one of the richest individuals on the planet would have a better security team.

    Dr. Frank Pittman says to cheaters, “the problem in your marriage is YOU.” I agree.

    You’ve been “unhappy”, yet you don’t
    say anything and you keep sticking around? Yeah, right. If I am unhappy with a restaurant, I don’t keep going there every day to eat. No, it ain’t about “unhappy”.

    It look to me like Melinda was a prop for his image.

    For some reason this situation was on my mind last night. I got your psychic message, Chump Lady! I was Googling
    “Bill Gates affair” at 2 am…..

    • News from my own world…

      I now have a cardiologist. I went to the doctor for a scalp condition and found myself hooked up to an EKG before you could say “DDay”. High blood pressure and irregular heart beat. The doctors think it’s stress but they want to make sure. I have to wear a heart monitor and take my blood pressure every day for 30 days.

      Today is the big first draft settlement read-through with all four lawyers. I began having dizzy/lightheaded spells with heart/head pounding about two months ago. They escalate when I am talking to lawyers or thinking about my situation. My EKG results say “right bundle branch block” and “left anterior fasicular block”. They are scary words I’ve never seen or heard before. My daughter is upset. She said she does not want me to die so she has to live with him. I told her the doctors thankfully found something they need to take care of and they are taking care of me. If you’d told me before DDay that she would feel about her dad the way she does now, I’d have thought you were smoking crack.

      My dad died of a heart attack at 55. I am 57 and my heart rate has been impacted since DDay. I have a friend who had to be put on heart medication after her DDay. The damage and harm cheating causes is real, front and center.

      I am having a hard time wrapping my head around doing so much to help others while abusing and trashing your wife which also damages your children. I’m not going to lie.

      There oughta be a law. 😪

      • I’ve had heart stuff too, Velvet. It’s lonely and scary. Yup, I’m bitter, who wouldn’t be. They say the truth hurts but I know that the lies hurt my heart so much more. I’m still shocked by how stupid I was, and trusting. My battle now is to keep my nature and move forward in health, which is tough with a broken heart, but thanks to CN, not impossible.

        • I hate when I read of health issues that Chumps endure because of these fw’s.

          I have oft wondered if my blood sugar issues didn’t start the year of my discard when he was treating me like shit, then the final discard and aftermath. The reason I wonder is, I had real issues with keeping my weight under control in the years following the discard. I did pretty well, but it was hard.

          I likely should have had a full work up, but I didn’t know.

      • VH: I am so sorry. Hugs to you and your daughter.

        I started taking antidepressants a few years into our marriage. (Psychological abuse is sneaky, so I thought there was something wrong with *me.* He, of course, agreed.) Fifteen years later, he left for OW, and I was prescribed an adjunct antidepressant, along with anti-anxiety and high blood pressure meds. I used to be so chill. Now I jump and tremble at everything. ☹

        There really should be a law. What they do is inhumane.

        Please do guided meditation for your anxiety every day, and more if you can. Maybe try some biofeedback. I hate living with anxiety, and I simply can’t leave my kids with “Mr. Me Me Me” as their only parent.

        You have been such a great presence on CN, please take extra, extra good care of yourself. You deserve to live a long, sweet life. And your daughter needs you to. ❤

      • Velvet Hammer, I am sorry you are having a health issue tied to your divorce. I always had relatively low blood pressure. A short time after D-Day I ended up in the hospital with high blood pressure, systolic was over 250. I’m now on medication for HBP. A partner cheating is really bad for our health!

      • The physical health impacts of stress and trauma are real, and ought to be considered in any infidelity situation, and factored into divorce settlement involving trauma, IMO. All best to you as you get the help you need, VH.

      • So sorry Velvet Hammer. I too ended up on a heart monitor because of all the divorce stress, at one point when it was on the now-ex rang me and went on at me, I had to keep a diary of what was happening so they could tie it up with what the monitor showed, and what it showed was that whatever else happened, him ringing up and going on at me went my heart rate went wild. Beta-blockers helped. My grandfather died of a heart attack at 53 so like you always a worry.
        Too damn right there ought to be a law x

      • OMG, VH. I’m so sorry.

        You’re right. These scumbags belong in a cage for what they did to us and to our kids.

      • It’s frustrating that after we leave, we still face life-threatening consequences. Sorry you are dealing with this, VH.

        During scorched earth, my ex made a big deal about how his heart was bothering him. (Turns out, he was fine.) He blamed me and used this to make his friends and family think I’m evil and to avoid consequences; he just discarded me and left me with nothing, and he had the perfect excuse for avoiding everything while garnering sympathy and vilifying me. (I have developed intense anxiety – and depression – and my heart races routinely now, and I am “young,” extremely active person. Did I ever mention this to FW? He was angry with me for getting injured when he attacked me, so I knew he would only turn this symptom around on me.) After one attempt to hold him accountable went the way it inevitably would, FW told me that if he died that night from a heart attack, I would have to carry that the rest of my life. I was dumbfounded by his cruelty and blame shifting. I thought I’d seen the worst, but this crossed a line and got me (finally, almost!) to NC. He also said that my hate was killing us both and that he felt sorry for me. I honestly don’t know if I would feel sad now if he died. That’s terrible. That’s not me.

      • I am sorry to hear about your health struggles VH. Once everything is settled your health will get a whole lot better.

        The skin on my hands was splitting open and bleeding after Dday, and during the divorce proceedings. I had such severe chest pain I was in the ER three times. Those things have now all gone away.

        I hope your daughter can get therapy to understand it is not her job to be her father’s hand maiden and keeper. My daughter has taken on that role and lives with ogre and it is hard to watch. But he gives her a free ride and supports her financially, she doesn’t work.

      • When my divorce was almost final after 2 years, I started having health issues. It was like once I was free and away that my body stopped being in continual alert mode, and that’s when everything hit. The stress of the years all conspired. If it had happened during the marriage I wouldn’t have ever gotten the support I needed.

        I’m doing better now; I hope that in time you will be better also.

      • Ahhh hahaha.

        Yep, we know what the OW is getting, she thinks she is getting that charmer who buys her stuff, and they believe the sad sack story of how awful the wife it.

        I took my husband knowing he had nothing, we built our life together, and the only reason she got gifts is because I had gone to work full time and he had extra money to spend. He had to do that to keep the pussy flowing.

    • BINGO! Melinda was a prop for his image. Bill was figurehead to his children, his business, his philanthropy, and with the world in his case. Bill does what Bill wants to do. You can bet Bill planned ahead with his lawyers also. Wealthy men trust no one. I would doubt that anyone would have to be told to stay away from Epstein. Bill like so many cheaters had the whole world, meaning a great wife and family. He did not honor or want them.

  • The company a person keeps tells you everything about them.

    Any man who could call Epstein a friend is a creep imo

  • Is it pathetic that I am sad for them? Well, I *was* sad for them. I’m on the fence now. If he was really up to those bad-mouthing shenanigans in front of someone as reprehensible as Epstein, he should be wholly ashamed of himself. Melinda has indeed been a Queen of loyalty and restraint.

    • That’s a good point. How can a narcissist be concerned for the greater good of others? Seems he’d be about his own benefit.
      Can the philanthropic org he founded quietly kick him out…and Melinda somehow carry it on?

      • Having been married to a narcissist who gave a lot to charity, I know how it works. They get a thrill out of being admired. For them, the joy of philanthropy is not about the joy of helping other people. It’s about having your name on buildings and signs. It’s about having people tell you how marvelous you are. My ex was bad and his brother/business partner was infinitely worse. They LOVE that shit.

        • Yup. Image management. But I won’t deny that those donated dollars do a lot of good, so at least there’s that. I think the foundation was Melinda’s idea, if memory serves. The foundation is awesome, though, and does wonderful things.

        • Yes, and does anyone think that his whores didn’t get huge gifts. My fw gave lots of stuff (money, clothes, flowers, gifts for her and her kids) to his whore. Mr. big shot while I scrimped and saved to keep us going. I will never forget that. As whores go, she raked it in.

          • Big triggers for me with this story, to memories of the year I spent dating a social venture capitalist banker. Short and kind of gremlin-y but super smart, great taste, athletic, wealthy and all the right words came out of his mouth: foundations, philanthropy, social entrepreneurship, ethical investing, “supporting women and minorities in the VC space,” all of it. I bought it. I was 36 and he was almost 50. Everyone around said, that’s cool, that’s how these guys roll. He spoke of marriage and kids at the same time as from the beginning letting me know there would be expensive dinners out with women colleagues, phone off, etc.

            Part of why I stayed as long as I did, even as my nerves were getting progressively shot (I had six fender benders in the year I was with him, pretty much a spotless driving record in the years before or after), was the high-flying world. Hanging out with investors, CEOs, bankers, politicians, journalists, etc. was so seductive. Some of the most interesting, high-stakes conversations I’ve ever witnessed (I was a student, so no conversation with me was really high stakes). But the whole atmosphere was of boys living their power. I overheard people openly discussing who was having an affair with whom; people at a party being like, oh, x and y are upstairs (two APs getting it on and their spouses not at the party); and the men just openly discussing which hot exec assistant they wanted to promote (or trade, like “give” to their men friends, like they were pimping them!). The wives I met seemed to actively look the other way, because often the men were doing it right in front of them. I remember one or two of the couples who actually seemed to have each other’s backs, respect each and be ‘partners’ — they stood out to me, because they felt different from this community of wealthy boy-men who treated their wives like moms they had to placate and hide shit from.

            Near the end, I asked the man I was dating what my role was to him. I said, are you grooming me to be your accessory wife? Like, I’m supposed to look the other way? He said something to the effect of look, these are the terms, you can see very well the money and power circles you currently have access to. If you want to stay in, yes, you keep your mouth shut.

            He also showed signs of being a pedophile — I think I’ve written about that here before — and that shit was so corrosive to my nerves and mind.It was unthinkable that a man would actually be and do that, and even more unthinkable that I – a smart adult, I thought — would choose to date someone who could. But since leaving, I now associate that culture of wealth and power with a taste for pedophilia, because he wasn’t alone in his winky wink-wink attitudes toward young women, ahem, girls.

            I also developed tumours while I was with him that resulted in some major health loss and surgery in the years afterward. I wish I’d seen CL back then.

            So yeah, even if it had never come out in papers that he cheated, I would have presumed that Melinda had to put up with all of that — the highrolling, the cheating, the almost-open pedophilia — times literal billions.

            • Magnolia, I used to work in both investment banking and venture capital. I would NEVER get romantically involved with any of those men knowing what I know about workplace affairs, non-workplace affairs, roadshow behaviors, sexual harassment, etc.

              While your boyfriend was touting the “benefits” of being in relationship with someone who has access to CEOs, money makers, money managers, etc., I see that as such a turnoff. Perhaps it comes from having a FW father who is in consulting and regularly socialized and did business with CEOs and other high-level executives, but I see these guys as assholes who are just full of bullshit and hot air. They do not impress me, at all. The high-flying life does not interest me. Would I have liked access to what that wealth could have brought if I were involved with someone like that? Sure. But not at the cost that comes with it. Like you said, being treated like an accessory. Being willing to put your character and integrity aside just for the sake of privilege or shiny objects. It just holds such little interest when considering the cost.

              My FWF sought advice on how to seduce co-workers from another partner in his firm. Company parties were made for one-night stands with co-workers (same when I was in investment banking and VC). Partners would, yes, share tips and pass around EAs if the EAs were up for it. Women had affairs with partners so they could get promoted.

              What a sick and twisted world!

              I think my old boss’s wife hated me because she assumed I would be one of those whores. I never was and never would be. I didn’t comport myself in the office in a way that anyone should have any ideas about the quality of my character. But if you are a wife who’s been burned before, you are probably suspicious of everyone.

        • Lizza I agree, my covert narc. did a lot for me and his step-kids, but he dumped us overnight for OW and her kids – so did he give to us out of the goodness of his heart or to get praise?
          He would leave huge bills for an employee opening his car door or taking out his suitcase at a hotel (and get an admiring thank you) and always leave nothing for the people who cleaned our hotel room – because they wouldn’t see him do it no doubt.

          • I came to think that every act could either be sincere or narcissistic. Something can look like a good deed from a distance, but it’s only when you know the person’s intentions if that is actually true.

            My covert narc seemed everything he finally did not turn out to be: humble, caring, sensitive… It took some time for me to realize that you can be volunteering for the good cause and even be a caring father and still be humongously self-centered and empty just below that surface. I do actually think he could have been sincere in his political actions, but that didn’t stop him from being perfectly deranged in his relation to women in parallel of that. You can do well on a large scale and very badly on a human scale.

            In any case, what mattered to me personally is that he treated me like shit.

    • First, I disagree that “all cheaters are narcissists.” Certainly Chump Lady has never said that. Many chumps go through a stage where they call the cheater who has devastated their lives a “narcissist,” and in some cases it may be that the cheater first the psychological profile of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But it’s more accurate to say that cheating is a narcissistic act. It involves an assault on the independence, autonomy and agency of the other person, who thinks he or she is in a partnership.

      Second, you only have to go back to Andrew Carnegie to find a filthy rich (and I use those words deliberately) man who chooses to give money away to either keep himself out of hell (Carnegie’s aim) or to buy his way into global political power. Libraries and universities and concert halls are good. Fighting Aids and other global scourges is good. That doesn’t mean the person donating the money to those causes is what he pretends to be. Andrew Carnegie, the self-made man and philanthropist; Andrew Carnegie, the man who scuttled off to Scotland while Henry Clay Frick hired Pinkertons to open fire on striking workers in Homestead, the man who forgot the starving families of the men who died from accidents in his mill. Same guy. None of them want to go to Hell or face whatever it is they fear in their own empty selves.

      I’m not sure what you mean by “cancel any dissenting voices,” although your comment seems to be aimed at the Gates Foundation, and I can guess at what from the RFK reference. No one is “cancelling” your dissent. There are plenty of places to get into that stuff, but it’s not what we are here for. This is CL’s blog, and the focus here is infidelity and supporting those trying to recover from it. So what say you about Gates, Epstein and infidelity?

      I’m not about to diagnose Bill Gates on the internet. I’m not a psychologist (although there are some who read and participate here). And certainly, many readers here go through a stage where learning about narcissistic and sociopathic behaviors is helpful to understanding how a man can (for example) leave his new wife and baby penniless or how a mother (for example) can drag her kids to liaisons with multiple men. It helps to understand that disordered people can’t sustain relationships without devaluing and in some way discarding the partner, as Gates did when he spoke such demeaning words about his wife to a truly vile group of people.

      What matters in our context.is that he’s a cheater, a liar, and “friends” with a sex-trafficking pedophile who died mysteriously in prison before he could name the names of his fellow travelers. It matters that he badmouthed his wife to a creature so vile that he pimped out young girls to his friends. He doesn’t have to be a diagnosed “narcissist” to be depraved and disgusting.

      • Very true. I have found it very useful to understand personality disorder in general, without having any formal diagnosis of my STBX. It’s also helpful to know that personality disorder operates on a spectrum: people don’t have to have full-blown NPD, for instance, to exhibit disordered behavior and expectations.

        I wish mental health professionals were better trained to recognize when people are somewhere on the personality disorder spectrum. In the early days after D-Day #2, when I recognized how narcissistically STBX was acting, I tried to have that conversation. STBX returned from a session with her individual therapist (who had known all along about the affair and never suggested that STBX should come clean) and declared that the therapist had pronounced that STBX does not have NPD. Well, no shit! But she still has extremely disordered expectations and behaviors. Obviously, the therapist’s pronouncement led STBX to think that I was out of line, and that she should be let off the hook.

        While I understand not needing to untangle the skein all the way, and I don’t believe that sex addiction is real per se, I do wish there were a substance-abuse model for dealing with infidelity. It sounds very validating for spouses and family members of alcoholics to be able to join an organization like Al-Anon – to be informed about DETACH (Don’t Even Think About Changing Him/Her/Them), and what accountability looks like, and what to tell the kids. That’s why a diagnosis would be valuable in the case of disorder that doesn’t necessarily result in substance abuse.

      • I have seen, ‘ not all narcissts are cheaters but all cheaters are narcissists’ here multiple times. Because of the lack of empathy, gaslighting and abuse it takes to cheat.

        • But not likely from CL. She consistently says that we can’t always know who is diagnosibly a narc and who isn’t, but that cheating is always a narcissistic act (self-centered, entitled etc).

          I personally don’t think it’s important what diagnosis people may or may not have. My concern is their character. Some are true narcs, some are weak pathetic creatures, some are actually sociopaths …. Doesn’t actually matter. Saying someone is a narcissist is short-hand, too me. When the shoe fits, then we all know what todder-in-grown-body characteristics we’re talking about.

    • 👍

      It is amazing the excuses we will may for the low lifes we politically support.

      Oh, his foundation is good, other low life’s foundation bad.

      • Yeah, the Bill Clinton effect. Bill (Clinton) was charismatic as hell and Hillary unlikable, so everyone (media, etc) glossed over his cheating by saying he wasn’t really a liar because all men lie about sex. So demeaning to honorable men and to Mrs. Clinton.

        Part of my job is assessing medical practices. If you find any causes for concern, you’ll find a lot. Same with the Gates Foundation. If the person founding it is corrupt, you’ll find corruption throughout, because unethical people attract and retain other unethical people, and the good folks leave. Dollars to donuts the Gates Foundation is corrupt. I am sure we’ll find out more in the days to come.

        I spoke with the Gates’ once and they seemed like lovely people. The women of Seattle held Bill Gates in high esteem because he married a normal woman instead of a bimbo starlet. He chose grit, grace and smarts…and we thought he was so wise to have done so. I feel incredibly sad to learn that he saw these traits only as good cover.

        Epstein was a child abuser and child rapist. I can see why Melinda Gates spoke to lawyers about divorce after she earned her husband was associating with Epstein. The thing that cheaters never take into account when they marry a spouse with integrity is that they have s spuse with integrity, and when the truth comes out that will bite them.

    • Philanthropy at that level is both image management and control exerted over the organizations and people that desperately need money. Through his “philanthropy” he managed to wade into areas that he knew little about and make major changes based on nothing more that his intuition – he did this in public education. And then because he is mega wealthy and no one wants to piss him off no matter what the outcome it is painted as a win. His foundation and his ideas on public education made some pretty impressive messes in at least one large urban school district that I am aware of. His philanthropy is just an extension of his power.

      • How low can Gates go, to take advantage of those in desperate need though your magnanimous ” philanthropy ” is beyond disgusting to the point of being a sin. So true Chumperella, cheaters cheat. Period. IN EVERY†ÓING. Godspeed Melinda, your example is truly noted and appreciated.

    • Jeff,

      Thanks for linking that articles.
      I admire all the work Robert Kennedy Jr. does for the environment. He drove his second wife Mary Richardson to suicide. The Kennedy geneagram shows a ton of addiction and spousal abuse (cheating). Started with the patriarch Joseph Kennedy and his affairs (the actress Gloria Swanson for example). He raised his sons well.

      This is so tiresome. Business geniuses, Wall Street rainmakers, politicians,etc. being selfish and abusive to their spouses and children.

      • “This is so tiresome. Business geniuses, Wall Street rainmakers, politicians,etc. being selfish and abusive to their spouses and children.

        It is. I wonder are they this way before the rise to power, and the power they garner is in part due their ingrained character flaws in that they use people, or do they lose their scruples as they gain power. Maybe both.

        My fw got involved with local politics about three years before Dday. I remember my mother in law said to her son “I hate to see you get involved” he said “why” she said “you may be a good guy now, but you won’t stay that way” he just blew her off, as I did because of course I still had faith in my husband. He by his own admission after Dday was already screwing around on me for years by then. So he was already crooked. He was just in the process of finding his level.

        Honestly I think so many of these guys get power and they just think they have the power to control everything. And for a while, they do.

        • Dr George Simon (recommended reading on the old website) said a person’s true character appears when they face a challenge in life. Or when they have good fortune (looks and money).

          I attended one of his lectures and he used Scott Peterson as an example, the man that murdered his wife Laci. He was the golden boy to his parents, raised in relative comfort. He was Jackie and Lee’s only child, though they each had children from previous relationships. Lee had been married and Jackie Latham birthed three other children. Scott was “Mr. Perfect” growing up (red flag 🚩). He was expecting his first child, a huge challenge, the first one in his life. What does he do ? He screws around with Amber Frey. And kills his wife and the son in her womb.

          I watched the update on Scott’s legal appeal. I had forgotten many of the details from the case and conviction. His mother is now dead but she claimed during an interview that a lot of men cheat when their wives are pregnant. “He cheated on Laci but didn’t kill her or our grandson” Okay Mommy !

          I did some digging and learned Jackie put two of her four children up for adoption. Lee adopted the third child born out of wedlock. They created a “Brady Bunch” with his children. Scott was the baby of the family, doted upon.

          Jackie’s own father was murdered by a fired employee. Her mother, a widower, struggled to raise her children so Jackie and her siblings spent much of their childhood in a Catholic orphanage. This is massive trauma and affected her ability to parent. Lee appeared to be a bump on a log during the interviews.

          Fortunately for Anne Bird, Jackie’s only daughter, she was adopted by a kind couple with the added benefit of money. She found Jackie as a young adult so knew Scott. He stayed with her and her husband after Laci’s disappearance and behaved bizarrely.

    • Rules should apply equally to all. There has been criticism to other men of similar stature without needing ground rules . Too much cancel culture hurts open conversation.

      • I’m asking people not to traffic in vaccination conspiracy theories and Q crazy. That’s not “cancel culture.” It’s a boundary I am imposing on my own blog.

    • Of course, RFK,jr. is himself a notorious cheater and abuser. His wife, Mary Richardson Kennedy hanged herself thanks to his cruelty. I would be careful whom you worship…

      Rich folks and entitlement, huh.

  • What really struck me was that the board of Microsoft pushed Bill out over his screwing around with and harassing employees. Often boards will cover up that kind of thing, so Bill had to have made enemies at Microsoft.

    The foundation does do great work and I hope it continues, and Melinda has plenty of great years ahead of her. She’s a strong woman and I have no doubt she’ll be fine.

    But Bill has always been a scumbag…he’s now just an aging scumbag that will have to buy company. Hope you enjoy your pathetic life Bill.

  • I wonder if the press will finally change the narrative.

    I hope other mighty chumps will be quoted as they describe the painful impact of cheating on their marriage, their children and the future they were building. I know that might seem like “kibbles” for the cheaters, but society needs to be reminded that there are honorable ways to either work on or leave a marriage.

    Imagine the headlines if Bill Gate were found guilty of embezzlement. But there are laws against that.

    • ….except I think cheating and having it all is the objective of the cheater.

      Cheaters have no interest in working on a relationship or honorably leaving a marriage. Their interest is in perpetuating the cake supply.

  • I am so furious at the obvious misogyny in this article, along with the personality disordered point of view.

    Melinda is bitter, distant, imperious, and toxic.
    Bill is uncomfortable, friendless, and not allowed to do normal things.

    Substitute the names for mine and my ex, and you’ve got the basic BS story that he told. Poor sausage doesn’t get to play because the wicked witch is in charge. Gobsmack me! If he wasn’t playing, how come I was stuck with all the work?

    It really galls me how this story never seems to change. They cheat, but we’re the problem. And the “bitter” crap? I’m about to embrace that with pride. Damn right I’m bitter! Some asswipe just destroyed what it took me 20 years to build, dragged my name through the mud, treated me with unadulterated contempt, and left me in a financial stranglehold. All because he was bored. He’s a psychopath. But my bitterness is the real problem.

    I’m also a bit tired of the accolades women get for handling “it” gracefully. Ladylike. Which basically means to quietly walk away and not make things messy or uncomfortable.

    I’m solidly in the Alanis Morissette camp on this one: You Oughtta Know. I am bitter, and what he did has made me angry. Crazy angry. He should worry about the mess I’m going to make. This time, he’s going to clean up after me.

    As for Melinda, kudos on the billions. But if she wants to get crazy, I’m on her side. After all, the nerdy, poor little toad she married turned into a Jeffrey Epstein wannabe. Why isn’t anyone writing candidly about that horror?

    Seriously…

    • “Bill is uncomfortable, friendless, and not allowed to do normal things.” And how telling that “normal things”involve infidelity and handing out with sex-trafficking pedophiles. He couldn’t just take up bowling or collecting baseball cards or bird watching or hang-gliding.

      • Right?!

        And how telling that the writer of the article spins hanging out with Epstein as a “normal” thing?

        But that Melinda? Totally abnormal in all her bitter imperiousness.

        Good God!

    • “I’m also a bit tired of the accolades women get for handling “it” gracefully. Ladylike. Which basically means to quietly walk away and not make things messy or uncomfortable.

      I’m solidly in the Alanis Morissette camp on this one: You Oughtta Know. I am bitter, and what he did has made me angry. Crazy angry. He should worry about the mess I’m going to make. This time, he’s going to clean up after me.

      As for Melinda, kudos on the billions. But if she wants to get crazy, I’m on her side. After all, the nerdy, poor little toad she married turned into a Jeffrey Epstein wannabe. Why isn’t anyone writing candidly about that horror?”

      PREACH, ChumpQueen! I wholeheartedly agree with you. I want to see these FWs get their comeuppance in a very public-shaming sort of manner. I want them to go DOWN. I want women’s righteous anger be accepted and honored and understood. I’m sick of these fuckers getting away with it all and walking away with a smug grin on their faces while their chump wives have to hold their heads up high and be the classy ones. The FWs just get to move on with minimal damage to their esteemed reputations. Fuck you, fucking fuckers! You pieces of shit destroy your families and you just get to whine about your frigid wife? Fuck you! Your wife supported your ass in ways you can’t even imagine, by being by your side, running shit in the background so that you can be successful, and you have the audacity to go around whining? She is part of the reason you were able to rise to the level you did. Fuck you and your fucking whores!

    • ChumpQueen, “ tired of the accolades women get for handling “it” gracefully.”
      YES.
      I applaud the women who were super brave and spoke up against powerful men like Harvey Weinstein. A different cause, but they put themselves out there for the greater good.
      If more people spoke up about cheating, it would eventually become a safer place to do so.
      People may eventually be seen as less enlightened, less educated, less evolved and less human for being neutral about it.
      Chumps keep quiet in part because of shame and fear of being blamed …. just as some people are attempting to blame Melinda for her H’s behaviour.

      It will take a multitude of voices to get the narrative to change.
      Living our best life post cheater abuse is great and important for us, but it could inadvertently send the message that the after affect of betrayal isn’t that bad. It would be great if that could be coupled with the truth of the damage caused and the truth about the character of the cheater.
      Integrity should matter in our world. For some reason, a draw dropping lack of integrity in a marriage flies under the radar.

      • “Chumps keep quiet in part because of shame and fear of being blamed”

        Yep, I was so humiliated, I didn’t want anyone to know how he treated me for over a year, I was screamed at, insulted, ignored and ultimately discarded and told it was my fault.

        I didn’t speak up for years about the treatment I received. I finally broke and told my brother. My dad died before I opened up. I was ashamed that I had let him treat me so awful, and part of me was ashamed that I could be married to someone who could do it.

        What finally opened me up was his down the line abuse of our grown son and his family. That was when I happened upon CL and found my voice.

        I of course can’t go back in time and tell folks who were there about it now, it would just come off as me pining, which is so far from the truth. I have a husband I adore, we have had many good years together, and my ex and his whore lived a live that would not appeal to anyone with any sense.

        But, I am glad I told my brother and my son/daughter in law, and I have also discussed a lot of things. He started asking questions and I was honest. My daughter in law had been verbally abused by both fw and the whore.

        Note: the only exception is, I did tell my now husband of the treatment I endured. I figured he had a right to know.

        I realized that I was no longer angry at my ex, I had buried anger at myself for letting myself be a doormat. It was very healing to release it.

        Quite frankly anyone who dares make light of adultery in my presence now will get a speech. They can take it however they want, but they will walk away with knowledge of the hidden side of adultery.

    • “I’m solidly in the Alanis Morissette camp on this one: You Oughtta Know. I am bitter, and what he did has made me angry. Crazy angry. He should worry about the mess I’m going to make. This time, he’s going to clean up after me.”

      I’m with you 100% on this! Why should we, the women who were betrayed, feel compelled to be “ladylike” about any of it? The hell with that!

  • This is all very confirming of the “birds of a feather” and “water finds its own level” idioms. Fuckwits truly find each other. Epstein’s orbit included a basket of creepers. No need to name names. We’ve all seen the articles. For chumps, the bottom line is that if your spouse has a creepy friend (or friends), it’s likely that the friend is just a reflection of your spouse’s true persona.

    In my own experience, I call recall often mentioning to my then-wife that she seemed to have a blind spot for creepy people, both men and women. Only later did I realize that she was merely seeking out her own tribe.

    • “In my own experience, I call recall often mentioning to my then-wife that she seemed to have a blind spot for creepy people, both men and women. Only later did I realize that she was merely seeking out her own tribe.”

      My FW father also has a blind spot for slutty whores and people with no character. They do seem to find each other, don’t they?

    • I had two different friends who crossed boundaries and were creepy so I completely cut contact with them. The incidents were 12 years apart, so not like this happens in my life on a regular basis or anything. Anyway, when I find someone to be creepy, that’s it; I bail. Turned out my husband maintained contact with at least the second of these former friends if mine. I stumbled on a chat he had with her on FB, saying I thought I was so perfect and that’s “how (I) operate” is to unfriend people suddenly, as though I had no good reason to! So he was conspiring with her behind my back because I had blocked her. And he KNEW exactly how creepy she was/is but there he was, painting me to be the bad guy. Because people like that are fine in his book, I guess! Now I know why!

      • My ex did this too. He had his facebook arranged so I couldn’t see that he was maintaining friendships with creeps. One was a woman he himself told me and others made false rape allegations about men. But he stayed friends with her. One was a married woman who sent him graphic sexual photos of herself right after giving birth and we cut her off. Oops, I mean I cut her off, he’s still friends with her. Another was a woman from a couple we were friends with who had another man’s baby during her marriage and we were horrified. Oops, I mean I was horrified, he continued a relationship with her and had been having sex with her at some point. The woman he hated at work who he said had sex with someone in a portapotty? She’s his friend.

        I only know because when going through the divorce I blocked him on facebook but then I wanted to get some info so I looked at his profile from a friend’s account. All these women suddenly popped up on his friends list. It goes back decades. He is even friends with women I never knew he was friends with at all but they were my friends at some point. One of them I ended our friendship a decade ago but she’s still friends with my husband even though I never even knew they were friends. It makes me want to throw up. I wonder if they know the disgusting things he said about them but then I don’t care. They deserve whatever happens to them for their little game of screwing with my mind.

        • Not meaning to hijack the thread, but this is the second time in a week I’ve seen reference (from entirely different sources) to portapotty sex. It’s hard to imagine anything more disgusting and less romantic than that! I need brain bleach for this.

          “The woman he hated at work who he said had sex with someone in a portapotty? She’s his friend.”

          • I’m betting he’s the one who was having sex with her in the portapotty. That’s how he knew about it. Yeah, I could use some brain bleach too.

            • Yep. I remember my ex telling me a couple years before dday that one of the firefighters screwed his girlfriend in his office. He wouldn’t say which one. I believe the names and identities of those folks were changed to protect the guilty.

  • Maybe it’s just me, but I think my husband hanging out with a sex-trafficking child rapist and complaining about me publicly to him and others is worse than the cheating. My mother used to say “birds of a feather flock together.” If Gates was friendly enough with Epstein to complain about his marriage, it’s hard o believe he didn’t know about Epstein’s depravity. Seems like a taste for underage girls is common among men with a lot of money and power.

    For any chumps ruminating over how much better off the cheaters are financially with their sparkly McMansions and beach vacations and new cars, the Bill Gates story is real-world evidence that having endless material riches is not the same as actual happiness.

  • I can’t stand people like this. All the money and power in the world, but no no, he’s the put upon soul. “Oh me, a poor victim. My wife doesn’t love me” So leave. You can leave. I left with no job, a non-verbal autistic child, a hundred bucks to my name that my sister gave me. If I can do it, I’m pretty sure he could have.

    The truth is he used her for his image, just like he uses the Gates Foundation for his image. He’s a plain old narc.

    • Yes, Bill is just another run of the mill narc. In typical narc fashion he bashed Melinda and made her out to be the villain. Anything to excuse HIS bad behavior. Plus he has insatiable need to control and we’re not talking his marriage or business, he wants to control the world.

  • Bill Gates literally makes me sick. I feel such empathy for Melinda and their children.

    Melinda, if by some stroke of luck you are here, please know that we stand with you, and while the details differ, we know this pain and outrage. You are not alone! I’m actually your neighbor, and also connected to MS, although we’ve never met. I divorced a very privileged and powerful spouse of 25 years and have 4 kids. I am also a professional and very successful in my own right. 6.5 years out for me and life is wonderful. XH still sucks. The kids are doing well. It’s going to be WAY better without him!

  • OK, so the marriage had cracks. From what we know though, Bill was widening those cracks more and more as time goes on. He didn’t care and was counting on Melinda overlooking that which tells us how little he thought of her.

    A friend of mine once commented that who your friends are and how you spend your time says more about who you are than anything you say. Bill’s friends and time spent with weren’t good. We don’t know about Melinda, but apparently she focused on family and work while this was going on. Since this has been going on for awhile, he should just go his own way. When I heard their statement about not going on together at this time in life, I knew she was a chump.

    I feel sorry for their adult children because I watched how mine struggled as their parents split. My oldest once commented that it was as if their entire childhood got blown up. Thankfully mine are very grounded and worked through it, but I have friends in my divorce group whose young adults went off the rails after the parents split.

    • “I feel sorry for their adult children because I watched how mine struggled as their parents split. My oldest once commented that it was as if their entire childhood got blown up. Thankfully mine are very grounded and worked through it, but I have friends in my divorce group whose young adults went off the rails after the parents split.”

      I am an adult child of a FW cheater of a father and I can tell you that shit really screws you up when you find out not only did your father fuck around and sexually harass women a lot, but that he is entirely the opposite of what you thought he was. That he had a double-life and the life as you knew it was a lie. That he enjoyed contributing to the abuse, victimization, exploitation, and abuse of women. That he did lots of Bad Things in his secret life.

      It really is a mind fuck.

      • Yes, the adult children. Reportedly Melinda went away with them before the announcement, and they’re siding with her.

        Mine ended up going no contact when I went no contact during the divorce process. I didn’t involve them in the details, but I explained that part because I had been in contact with my ex prior to that. I didn’t know if he would try to engage them because I wasn’t available anymore. They remain no contact to this day. I emerged from no contact to handle some things in closeout with him, but went back behind the wall once I closed the file with my attorney.

        Truly a big MF.

      • Bullshit and Lies said:
        “I am an adult child of a FW cheater of a father and I can tell you that shit really screws you up when you find out not only did your father fuck around and sexually harass women a lot, but that he is entirely the opposite of what you thought he was. That he had a double-life and the life as you knew it was a lie. That he enjoyed contributing to the abuse, victimization, exploitation, and abuse of women. That he did lots of Bad Things in his secret life.
        It really is a mind fuck.”

        I also am the adult child of a FW cheater of a father whom I caught sexually harassing women and perving on young girls who were about my age at the time. It took me years and years to stop spackling over that shit and realize what a turd he really was. In the meantime, I married a pathological lying Jesus cheater and then a physically abusive Jesus cheater. To say I have family of origin issues is putting it mildly. I grew up to be a classic chump; my sister is a flagrant cheater.

        It is truly a mind fuck.

        I thank you for putting it out there because I, inexplicably, thought I was the only one.

    • Elsie,

      “I feel sorry for their adult children…..

      I wrote about that too in my comment. Mine have been shaken not only due to the divorce but to the fact that their wonderful (passive aggressive covert narcissist) father is a slut/serial cheater.

      He was the proverbial ‘good guy’. The one everyone loved. Appeared to be so caring etc, etc, etc.

      I don’t know where 2 of mine stand because we do not talk about it but I know my past has been blown apart – realizing more and more that all that I thought about it is a lie – all the memories I once held dear are now tinged with ‘ I wonder who he was with then?’

      Two of mine have bailed out….They do not come around and when they do they are distant, angry and generally non-commutative.

      Where once we had what appeared to be a solid family unit unified against the storms of life we are now drifting apart afloat on a sea of changing tides.

      How can mine trust anything? And, alas, I can’t help them – they don’t even want my help and I haven’t the energy to attempt to dissuade them while they navigate their own lives – in trying to establish themselves in careers and relationships of their own.

      The poor dears have to deal with a lie that is so tremendous people who haven’t gone through this have no clue at all.

      Yes, my heart goes out to those kids/young adults – everything being so public. How very, very confusing for them.

      One huge saving grace is that they have Melinda as their sane parent. She is my hero in so many ways and I love the fact that I know she is not to blame at all so when I read anything negative written about her I KNOW it is all bullshit and lies – blame shifting doesn’t work here anymore.

      I so hope she is doing okay emotionally through all of this and I wonder if she knows about LCGAL and CL/CN. If not, my fantasy is sending her a copy but I know not where to send one.

      • ElderlyChump, my heart goes out to you. Similar situation with me, married 51 years, cheater finally confessed of his double life. I know the destruction it causes to those adult children. I will think of you often and pray for you and your children. I am grateful I found out the truth before I die.

      • Mine were in college locally when he took off, so they stayed with me. He wanted them to quit and all of us move where he lives. I knew what the reaction would be — NOOOO! Both were in special programs and had goals related to this area, not where he lives.

        They barely talked to me at first, but we’re close now. One has a great job and is telecommuting from my home, and the other works and goes to school and also stayed. Housing is expensive, and I do need help at times. It’s nice to have them around, and they have their own friends as do I. We’re like very familiar roommates. They aren’t in contact with him at all, their choice. I told them I would never block or control, and they chose no contact at all.

        I realize that one or both may move out at some point, but this works.

  • What I find frustrating is the trope never changes. We have both Bezos and Gates as this year’s winners for being craptastic humans in their personal lives and regaled for their professional accomplishments. Both Melinda and MacKenzie carefully lined up their ducks and made an exit. The press paints the women as bitter, frigid, weak and the men as striving, needs not met etc. The Epstein component is the sick component of the porn and sexual assault and abuse that occurs in families, leaving behind traumatized children and adults. The scale of the implosion of the Gates divorce is larger than life, the experience for Melinda, much the same as ours.

    My ex was a suburban wanna be Trump, Gates, Bezos with houses, boats, fast cars, shady financial practices and porn and prostitutes. I too planned my exit for over a year. My ex was scorched earth. I survived and heard exactly the same thing about me, I was bitter, unforgiving, less than. I suppose the good thing is I found my tribe, one friend came back two years later with the same experience and has been ever grateful to me for holding her secrets and helping her find resources, our ex’s worked together. A veritable snake pit.

    I think that for men who divorce their wives for infidelity, the trope still holds. The men are perceived as strong, moral, upstanding and their wives are sluts.

  • I’m also a controlling, bitter woman because I wasn’t cool with being cheated on by a pedophile and having him flaunt his fuck buddies and pervert friends in my face.

    Women get called controlling for having any expectations at all or even just asking not to be lied to. My ex had more freedom than any married man I have ever met in my life. He went out multiple times a week, I was sick for a long time so when I did ask questions he’d just shout me down and confuse me so I stopped. He did whatever he wanted, did nothing around the home, and I would beg him to take me somewhere on a date. If he did I’d get a rushed dinner and then he’d go out without me afterwards. He worked one full time job which he expected daily ticker tape parades for and would whine and cry like a teenager if he had to work any overtime. He would even do this when I was working 60+ hour weeks. And he also spent at least 40 hours a week locked in his game room playing video games. He wouldn’t even eat dinner with us most nights, I had to serve him in front of his playstation.

    How was I controlling? “You won’t let me spend thousands of dollars on marvel superhero costumes or buy a Tesla!” So basically because I made sure the electricity stayed on I was controlling. I paid bills instead of handing him all the money to buy fun stuff. And if I dared ask him any question I was controlling. Towards the end he had a week where he was working 12 to 15 hours a day every day. It’s unusual, usually they can’t work past dark but they did every night that week. On Friday night he got home and said, “Wow, I just barely managed to hit 40 hours this week!”

    I’m standing in the kitchen and say, “How did you just barely hit 40 hours, you’ve been working crazy hours all week?”

    Cue the scowl and angry, hateful eyes. How dare I question him. I am so controlling. Good for Melinda for getting a divorce. These baby men are just pathetic, they demand you be their mommy and then they hate you for it. It doesn’t matter how much money he’s made, he’s a pathetic little princess baby man and that’s probably why he thinks it’s ok to screw children too. I wish her all the best.

    • “They demand you be their mommy and then hate you for it.”

      In our settlement, my ex insisted that alimony be stopped if I started living with another man.

      As if…

      • Yep. Mine wanted a similar provision.

        He said it would really, really bother him if I dated someone else. (He had some perverted feeling that he owned me sexually. Cake!!) He also added, “It will cut me to the core if you date someone else, and he becomes the new grandpa.”

        So, I’m supposed to do what? Not meet someone else because that my bruise my ex’s ego? The balls on these cheaters!!

        His motto: Do as I say, not as I do.

        My motto: You reap what you sow, klootzak.

    • KatiePig, this behavior is not a gender thing. My ex-wife also demanded I be her mommy and hated me for it. She was a stay at home mom, but I had to do all the shopping, financial management, carting kids to and from activities, and all of the cooking and housework because she wouldn’t do it. But when I cleaned up the pile of dishes in the sink I would get a dirty look and snarky remarks that she was just about to do the dishes and why can’t I let her manage the house the way she sees fit. She resented me trying to have a clean and safe environment for the kids. Early in our marriage I was working two full time jobs trying to make ends meet, and I still had to do all the housework, and she acted resentful of me cleaning up. After I moved out and there was no one doing any housework anymore, I was utterly shocked at how quickly the condition of the home deteriorated. My kids see it too. And like you, I was always the bad guy for not wanting to spend a ton of money of things we didn’t need. It’s crappy narcissist behavior.

      • Same here. I have a large home and it was all covered in stuff. No matter how hard it tried or how much time I spent cleaning it just got dirty in the next day. My mother would make derogatory comments every time she came over. He would look at me like I was scum, signaling to her that I was the problem. At the end I had a 12 inch path from my bed to the bathroom and I wasn’t allowed to turn on a light if I needed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. If I stepped on something along the way I broke it and it was intentional of me, or so he said. A month after Narkles the Clown left I could walk my entire house barefoot in the dark and not step on anything. Everyone saw real quick what the problem was. Six years post d-day I can still walk my house in the dark with the lights off and not step on a thing. Let’s just say son tells me you can’t do the same at his dad’s house.

        • I dealt with this too. I used to feel like such a failure because I just could not keep the house clean and organized. And he would constantly bring new crap home or start new projects and never finish them. I would try so hard to keep up and it was completely exhausting. He would even tell me he was embarrassed to have people over and blame me for everything. If he lost something, it was my fault. So I was supposed to organize and clean everything but never move anything either.

          Moved into a new apartment and it’s effortlessly clean and organized all the time. I don’t even have to try. I felt like a gross slob for 20 years but without him dirtying things up and bringing home garbage, I’m very clean.

          • Katie, this sounds like my ex, continually bringing in stuff that was junk, and starting then abandoning projects. They read from the same script. When we bought our house, the first thing she did was, without any prior discussion, tear down the wallpaper from both bathrooms. She said she didn’t like it and was going to paint. I was so busy working 50+ hours per week and doing all of the housework, shopping, and kid things for our large family that I couldn’t get to it and relied on her promise to do so. Sixteen years later on D-day it was still not painted. Now I live in a clean apartment and she lives in a dump with debris, junk, and our old mattress sitting on the front yard. I feel sorry for the neighbors to have that in their neighborhood.

            • These sound just like the ex, truly they do read the same playbook. I spent the 3 years it took for my divorce clearing out stuff of his, it wore me out, couldn’t get repairs done, another part of his control was at the last minute before the divorce deciding that he didn’t want anything more from the house apart from a couple of bags of stuff, so I was lumbered with so much stuff, and I went on with getting rid for a couple more years and just broke. Things are ok now thank heavens, I had the stuff I trod on, the paths through the stuff, even stuff piled up on the end of the bed that occasionally fell on me
              He never ever completely finished anything, and again, long hours, always out, and what a cowbag I was if I asked anything of him
              Here’s to clean organised houses for us all

              • A classmate wrote on her blog she had to step over all the shit he left behind.

      • Narcs are the worse. I’m sure men married to them have it bad too. I don’t know if you guys get bitter spit at you constantly but I’m sure there are other nasty names you have to hear. I know for women we get attacked for our age, our looks, our bodies and called bitter and jealous, old hags. It’s repulsive and needs to change.

        • Katie, I think the attacks on physical appearance are probably a gender-specific type of abuse. I did get a little of it, but not much. Instead, I got the cold shoulder. She wanted sex daily but would otherwise ignore me most of the time. I guess we weren’t sparkly enough.

        • I was married to a covert narc.
          With her it was more subtle but she constantly put me down, criticised my looks, my habits , nothing wax ever good enough .I worked my butt off, paid for cleaners and nannies so that she could live her life. Her life was to go out with her single girlfriends, drink gin and screw guys . She would come home , drunk have sex with me and tell me afterwards that she didn’t find me attractive.
          It’s not a gender thing .

          • I’m not talking about the insults from the narc though. I’m talking about the nasty insults from society in general towards women who have been cheated on. I’ve seen it about Melissa too, I’ve seen people write that she looks like a man, that’s she’s hit the wall and used up, that she “let herself go.”

            There are people who said it about me too. I had one “friend” tell me I have to admit I don’t look like I did when I got married to excuse my ex cheating on me. I was married 20 years ago, of course I don’t look the same. And I’m a fit woman who is considered conventionally attractive but I don’t look like the teenage girl he first met anymore.

            That’s what I’m talking about. Women who are cheated on are attacked by society for daring to age, for having body changes from pregnancy. We’re accused of being bitter old hags jealous of younger women because we aren’t cool with our husbands having sex with teen girls.

            That’s what I’m referring to. The attack from society that women have to deal with when we get cheated on. We get blamed and the blame is extremely personal and literally something we can’t control. If we spend thousands on surgery to try to avoid it we just get called whores, bimbos, and freaks. There is nothing we can do.

            • That sounds like the “shared responsibility” myth that is prevalent in our society. If someone does something horrible like cheating they blame-shift and this makes it into the narrative that society tells itself about infidelity. “What did you do to make them do that?” Or pointing out things they think might point to a shared responsibility for the cheater’s behavior. When I sought counsel from a parish priest, after telling him what happened the first words out of his mouth were “And what was your part in all of this?” The heck????? And later he was booted out of the next parish where he was named pastor because he was breaking his own vow of celibacy with a parishioner. No doubt, he did his own blameshifting about why he did that. So yeah, society is on board with the blame-shifting and glorification of infidelity. Just think of all the movies out there that are marketed as “romances” or “romantic comedies” based on infidelity like “10” or “The Bridges of Madison County”. I never saw the TV series “Friends” when it was on TV. When it came out on Netflix I gave it a try. I couldn’t get past the storylines based on infidelity. It wasn’t funny to me at all. We don’t make comedies out of wife-beating but we do out of the abusive behavior that cheating is and the blame shifting it involves makes it into our cultural narratives.

            • I appreciate you saying this, KatiePig. Your words on this site help me stay true to my values.

      • thingsthatmakemegrumpy

        You just described my marriage to a T. He was the “stay at home dad” while I worked 2-3 jobs at all times, but I had to do literally everything. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, planning, finances, school stuff, homework time… the list is endless.

        And he was SO angry if I did these chores in his presence. He was always “about to do it” and I was only doing it to “throw it in his face.”

        I became actually terrified to do chores when he was home. If I did the chore – the glares, passive aggressive behavior, and silent treatment would start. If I didn’t do it it would never be done.

        After 15 years I was so paralyzed I would get stuck in my car unable to face going in the house, and I would stay in bed working on my laptop through the weekend – lest I exist and pay the price.

        This is the crazy making that wears your soul paper thin.

        • I should get used to it, but I don’t. I’m always taken back by how alike these stories are. While it didn’t cause me the sort of anxiety it caused you, what you described is just like what happened to me. The stories here are all so eerily similar, and it amazes me every time.

  • I was sorry when I first heard. I wanted Bill and Melinda Gates to be another Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, a couple I admired.
    The more I hear of Bill, though, the less I think of him. If your marriage is “loveless,” you work on making it loving again, instead of disparaging your wife to a child sex trafficker and psychopath.

  • Marriage is hard work. In long term marriages, people do change and grow. Sometimes they tire of each other. Sometimes other forces drive them apart. Divorce happens. If this couple was not rich and famous, would we care why?

    I hate investigations by the media to report private details of the lives of the rich and famous. Seriously, they are human. and humans make mistakes. Melinda Gates seems to be mighty, and is handling her business. Good for you Melinda. If you need Chump Nation, we are here.

    Personally I don’t need details about Bill. Melinda does not seem cold or bitter to me. I don’t care. I want the news cycle to move on. If he did criminal things, let the criminal investigators do their jobs. I am grateful they have the wealth to give to a foundation that does good work,. Pay it forward with whatever you have to pay it forward with. Sometimes its money, sometimes its kindness.

    I would hate for my private life to be investigated in a public forum. I would hate for my children to have to hear all the details of their father’s shenanigans, even though they are adults. I am not interested in what people I do not know or care about think of me. Really, is this news?

    • It’s absolutely news when the wealthy and powerful are held to different standards of justice than the rest of society. If a person can spend time with underage prostitutes and never be prosecuted for it, I’m grateful for the justice of the court of public opinion. In a free country, you can concern yourself with whatever you like to. I can concern myself with the disparate application of justice.

      • Yep, I agree. I care a lot about identifying rich powerful pedophiles. I’m disgusted that so many people don’t care and think it should be private.

        I’m sure Bill does hate that his private life is out and now people now he’s a pedophile. Good. I want all the other pedophiles to fear that. They should live every second of their life in fear. And Bill should be prosecuted. He didn’t hang out with a pedophile to get marriage advice, he was screwing children. I want every damn one of them hung out to dry.

    • Bill brought this all on himself. He is solely to blame for his actions. If he did engage in criminal activity with underage children, it is the public’s business. He brought this on. If he wanted to protect his children and family from his behavior, it was solely on him to do that. It is not up to a 25 year old reporter to protect Bill or his family. The 1st Am protects the press from being sued for printing the truth about public figures, as long as it does not put him in a false light, or is of a private nature. If someone willingly commits a crime (engaging in sexual activity with underage children) or flaunting his affairs – publicly, then he has waived his privacy and his activity becomes a public matter. The harm caused to his children for knowing the truth about their father, is their father’s fault. He should own that. Yes, it is awful, cringy and gross. I agree that these children are innocent victims of their father’s behavior. Criminal investigations are performed by tax paid public servants. So, what happens in an investigation is public knowledge – if the investigators choose to share facts with the media. I also don’t care to read about Bill Gates’ personal life, but I support the media’s position to run the stories as long as they are not defamatory, or crossing a legal line. If they are crossing a “legal line”, trust me, Bill Gates can take care of himself with his arsenal of attorneys.

      • Regarding my post, above, a disclaimer is in order. I have absolutely no clue, nor am I suggesting, that Gates is responsible for any criminal activity. I’m simply supporting the freedom of the press in this situation.

        • I am not suggesting he should not be investigated by criminal investigators if there are indications of criminal activity. I specifically said he SHOULD be investigated if he did engage in criminal activity. Epstein is not a good friend or reference to have, either, imho, and he may be a suspect. I believe the press should have freedom to report the news. So far, all I have heard is salacious speculation. Perhaps my lack of interest in BG as a cheater is keeping my attention level down. I don’t like speculation about Melinda either. She appears fine, so far to me.

          All I am trying to say is if he is a common garden variety cheater, and there is no evidence that Melinda did anything untoward, that a normal healthy woman would do if she found her husband was not the man she believed he was, or their marriage was not what she wanted anymore, then where is the news? If they were not wealthy, would the public care? I think the media reports what sells, often, not always, and they are looking for dirt.

          As LAJ points out above, sometimes rich people donate their money to good causes for their own private reasons, which may not be “good”, or may in fact be selfish. I am glad that they make donations to worthy causes, and I think it is much better to do so, rather than to spend on me, me, me.

          Unless I have missed something specific, which is always possible, I just have not heard anything about either of these two, so far, which seems like news to me. I don’t want to “cover up” bad behavior. I just don’t have any interest in what made Melinda decide it was over. I feel it was her decision, and I think leaving for cheating is a great reason. It doesn’t make her bitter, controlling, or cold. It makes her smart. Getting a fair settlement is smart. If there is nothing criminal to report, I believe it is a private matter, and not newsworthy. I believe I am still entitled to my own opinion, and if it differs from yours, sorry to offend you.

          I find it hard to believe I am alone when I say I am not interested in the private lives of the rich and famous. I know it was a successful tv show, and attracted many viewers. I was not one of them.

          • Well said, Portia! And, I totally understand. We’re on the same side. And, no offense at all! I enjoy hearing other people’s opinions. I don’t have the time or interest, either to read up on Bill Gates’ crap – though, I am very interested in the stock, Microsoft.

  • I am on the autism spectrum and can see that Bill Gates almost certainly has Asperger’s Syndrome. This would account for a certain amount of his creepiness and his inability to see Epstein for what he is. Those facts aside, cheating is cheating whether you are a neurotypical or an autistic. Shame on Bill and shame on the media.

    • He knew exactly what Epstein was. He was using his services, there’s no other reason to hang out with a pedophile pimp. It’s not ignorance, he knew and he liked it.

  • My FW father likes to name-drop Bill Gates and how he is going through something similar as what FWF just went through. I have to roll my eyes and I change the subject every time.

    But, yes. Now that more is coming out in the news, yes. You and Bill Gates are similar. You are both fucking assholes who blew up your families because of …. not enough attention? Bitter wives who didn’t like playing mommy to your man-child personalities? Fucking other women just because you could or wanted to or needed … something else?

    The leading double-lives. Disgusting. You present one image to the public (or business world) of being a visionary, a leader, a forward-thinker who will change the world! But you lie, cheat, steal, abuse because … well, because you can! You are so predictable in your affairs that it is laughable. In the end you are just like every other FW. Selfish, entitled, needy, disgusting, embarrassing, duplicitous, and fucked up!

    Interestingly, I read this: https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/melinda-gates-could-using-divorce-183548483.html

    In the end, my mother did something similar (though the dollar amounts are obviously HUGELY different!). Parents were supposed to be re-doing their wills and trust. Mom said if she died first she wanted her half to be distributed between the kids. FWF said NO! It is all mine (mwahaaahaaaaa!), and they can have anything that is left over. My mom wanted a “bimbo clause” that would say that none of the money that should rightfully go to the kids would go to another woman. FWF said NO! It is all mine (mwaaaahaaahaaaa!). That was the last straw. She had put up with his abuse, lies, fuckery, adultery for years. But in the end, she made the move to divorce because she wanted to look out for her kids.

    FWF wants to spend all of his money and die with nothing left for paying for his funeral. Mom did the right thing for both herself AND her kids.

    • I agree with what you said, Portia. And I always like to read your posts here!

      I like the letters from women struggling with their situations, the UBT translator, the explanations of things like DARVO, Cake and Kibbles, and I enjoy the humor, but the talk about celebrities, not so much. It’s kind of a lot of vague talk about people who are just heresay to us. I very much prefer the personal stories.

      So it was good to read your post!

  • Love live the Queen.
    All I see here are queens.
    I think my hair twigs just knitted themselves into a crown.
    Keep talking Chump Nation. We change the narrative one person at a time.

  • So, Bill was complaining about his wife to Epstein?? As though Epstein was the gold standard of marriages? My head is spinning. This is so disgusting. Hope Melinda and the children can emerge healthy and hopeful from this emotionally abusive shit show that Bill put them through.

    Bezos cheated brazenly on his wife too, yuck. And, she moved on and married a high school science teacher. Money obviously doesn’t hold the key to happiness.

    I’ve lost respect for both Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates as men, husbands, and fathers. Such puny character dwelling in those two.

  • Bill Gates like many of these NWDs (Nasty Wandering Dicks) are sooo fugly! Who the fuck in their fucking right mind would want to have sex with him besides prostitutes earning a living?

    • When the #metoo movement exploded, I looked at the men on the list. Downright homely, morbidly obese or in visibly poor health. 🤮

      • SPbaS

        You made me smile because the x is morbidly obese and visibly not wealthy. His health isn’t that good either. 🙂

        In fact, it was those characteristics of his that I thought ‘kept me safe’ due to my thinking:
        “Who would be attracted to him?”

        I know differently now……

    • Right? But it happens. I was a physically fit, attractive man with an MBA and a 4.0 GPA with a successful career, and she dumped me for an ugly 300 pound married retail clerk with poor grooming. He looked like a sort of hippy version of Harvey Weinstein. Maybe a little worse.

      • Ew. That’s just weird. But it puts some perspective on my situation: my FW left me for someone physically attractive and wealthy. I’m prettier, sweeter, more educated, and loyal to a fault, but I couldn’t give him the millionaire lifestyle he thinks he deserves.

        I can’t wait until she’s the one who isn’t “happy” anymore. I can see it coming already. 😉

  • I hope this isn’t a repeat comment. The site keeps crashing.

    As a lefty, I don’t deal in Q-Anon conspiracy drivel but I do harbor particular jaundice towards faux- progressive philanthrocapitalists because of how they use their clout to shift the left in neoliberal policy directions, using their progressive masks as cover.

    Considering Gates’ history of pirating publicly owned intellectual property, toxic investments and malfeasance, I’m not that surprised that he shows the same creepy bent interpersonally.

    https://www.truthdig.com/articles/boycott-divest-and-sanction-corporations-that-feed-on-prisons/

    https://www.latimes.com/news/la-na-gatesx07jan07-story.html

    https://gerriksonger.wordpress.com/bill-gates-exposed/

    https://corpwatch.org/article/noam-chomsky-microsoft-and-corporate-control-internet

    https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2014/12/gates-foundation-still-investing-private-prisons/

    https://dianeravitch.net/2020/05/10/peter-greene-why-bill-gates-is-not-the-right-person-to-reimagine-education-in-new-york/

    https://newrepublic.com/article/162000/bill-gates-impeded-global-access-covid-vaccines

  • Man is known by the company he keeps is a very old and well-known proverb. It means that any person’s reputation depends upon his/hers association or friends he has. Though its also said that a man is known by his deeds, yet at times the good deeds are marred by bad company. Moreover, if a person is good but his company is bad, then a time comes when the bad company starts influencing the good deeds.

    BG is no different than the cheaters we all know. Well maybe he has money $$$$$$ but still the same. Best wishes to MG …. proud of her public shaming of STBX.

    • My ex wanted us to be friends with and socialize with a cheating couple. He was married to and had kids with someone else, and left his wife for his affair partner. I didn’t want to have anything to do with them. I was made out to be the bad guy, of course. Fast-forward a year and she was staying out all night after working swing shift and coming back drunk and stoned between 4 AM and 6 AM every night. Chumpy me gave her an ultimatum instead of divorcing her. Threatening consequences made me the bad guy. She simply hid her behavior better. With the benefit of hindsight, I’m now certain the behavior didn’t stop. She simply cheated during the day when I was at work instead of at night when I was home. At the time, I didn’t recognize her wanting to keep company with crappy cheating people as the huge red flag it turned out to be.

      • Similar situation.

        My ex made dinner plans with a married couple he met at his job. Not 15 minutes into dinner, she tells us how they met: they worked together, but he was married at the time with two kids, so they had an affair and fell in wuv. I was shocked. Not only that she broke up a family, but that she was so proud of it.

        Fast forward a couple years, and she’s having an affair with my husband. She destroyed three families and irreversibly damaged six kids (including her own two) almost singlehandedly.

        I can’t imagine anything sadder than this woman with her multi-million dollar trust fund and ivy league education. You’d think she’d manage to cultivate some grace and gratitude. Maybe find some self-worth outside of her ability to poach husbands.

        I guess money only gets you so far.

        • Money and education doesn’t guarantee good character, or good manners for that matter.

        • It wasn’t ‘singlehandedly.’ It required the participation of two husbands as well. I was approached by women during my marriage with opportunities to cheat and I forcefully rejected it.

          • I got my share of approaches and it strikes me as sadly funny now that I flat out rejected the lot. There was a study that people who are genuinely committed to partners tend not to see their partner’s potential rivals as all that alluring. I honestly didn’t. It had nothing to do with objectivity. We’re not supposed to be objective about our kids or spouses. At least until the spouses run amok. Then the pastel-hued, silk-shaded fairy lights turn off and the klieg lights come on.

            • Yep, and I think it is so weird that my ex never once thought of me fooling around. In fact after we had been long legally separated, and I went out with someone from my new facility, he came by the next day telling me the guy was too old for me, and he wanted to know if I wanted to come see his apartment. I had not seen him in six months. I guess he wanted to show me his etchings.

              That was when he called the preacher in a panic to set up a meeting to discuss “trying again”. Yeah, no thanks; I was over it, from there on out any man in my life wouldn’t have to “try” to be with me.

              I think he envisioned me sobbing away for him each night for the rest of my life. Don’t get me wrong, there was plenty of sobbing; but life goes on.

              Good grief, the idiot left an attractive, fit, 40 year old woman who worked at DoD. The place was lousy with men, what did he think was going to happen. I turned down several before I met someone that sparked my interest. He wasn’t at all too old.

              I guess they think, well I don’t want her/him, so obviously no one else will.

  • Colour me surprised. You only had to watch some of the Microsoft Antirust tapes to see what a nasty arrogant solipsistic person he is. His arrogance permeated the company with their stealing of ideas and trampling competitors.

  • Off-topic, but speaking of celebrities… Why is Jennifer Lopez hanging out with Ben Affleck? She apparently left Alex Rodriguez because of trust issues. So she calls on the guy who cheated with the nanny?

    • Clearly J-Lo has issues. Having trust issues with A-Rod seems like a good call. I think Jennifer Lopez is someone who cannot stand to be without a man or more than a minute. So she’ll pop back to an ex. I don’t know that she’s a cheater, too, but she clearly isn’t mighty on her own.

  • All the money in the world. Emotionally inept and morally bankrupt. Lacking integrity. Traitor, liar, cheater to a wife and three children. Gifts many would love to have and don’t or can’t. Loyal?
    Nope.

    He’s not rich. He’s just a jerk with a bunch of money.

  • What I find so astonishing about all this is that his PR machine thought it was perfectly legitimate to spin his “friendship” with Epstein as marriage counseling. I mean, WTF were they thinking? Also, I hate to keep pointing this out, but Epstein’s criminal case in Florida had no effect on his social standing in NYC. People kept embracing him. I would imagine that his parties were pretty lively, and I don’t mean that as a code for sexually assaulting young girls. He obviously had a bifurcated life. Hobnob with the wealthy and famous on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, abuse young women the rest of the week. So Gates’ PR could have played that card and played it realistically. But they didn’t because their goal was to demonize Melinda. Demonize my wife anyway possible must have been the orders. Paint her black. And this is how they did it. He was so miserable, he had to go to an utter POS like Epstein for solace. We’re supposed to believe this shit? His arrogance is off the charts.

  • Why wouldn’t bitter be a justified response?

    Hmmm….anyone who gets lied to and gaslit over the course of x years (or xx years in many cases) while ‘person who deserves no bitterness’ is lining up a replacement of ‘bitter person’, should be demure and grateful.

    I’m bitter as fuck. How dare someone treat another person like that…someone that they vowed to love and cherish. Meanwhile the ‘bitter person’ doesn’t know it’s happening behind their back and then gets the rug swept out from under their feet. It’s played out by the cheater to incapacitate their spouse at the worst time, while they have set themselves up for success. If the cheater deserves no bitterness then they would have let their spouse know at the point that it got ‘loveless’ and so the ‘bitter person’ could move on.

    As we know ‘loveless’ is more of a feeling that cheaters have for themselves and others. Projecting at it’s finest!

    • ‘Demure’ is an insult in my book. Come to think of it, ‘graceful’ is now, too. ‘Dignity’ is achieved by maintaining integrity, and that isn’t always pretty.

    • bread&roses, perhaps this is the downside of our positivity-oriented, meritocracy-believing society? Like if you’re bitter, it must be because of your lack of resilience or your bad choices. Wich is of course turning things completely upside down. Feeling downright unhappy does no longer seem to be an acceptable state of mind. Your comment makes me realize how widespread are biases on this probably are, even within myself…

    • Spitting the Dummy

      Almost everyday I discover more of my own hidden biases.

      This thread has opened up my eyes still more in how my views have changed which means I have had to take another look at what my views were because they aren’t ‘that’ anymore.

      They were biased. I believed that it was the ‘woman’s fault.’ I didn’t even question that assumption because topics like this never crossed my radar because I was ‘happily married’ and therefore needn’t concern myself with what was happening in other peoples’ lives.

      So that bias was formed a long time ago and was there, unchecked, in my sub-conscious mind until it ‘happened to me’.

      My little world blew up and I now see how holding onto that bias fit into my perfect world – that of keeping males central and females at fault. IE My x was RIGHT and I was WRONG/RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING and my universe was complete unto itself, thank you very much.

      Now, when I hear about break-ups I am always suspicious of any accusation being made….

      I guess that means my bias has jumped ship and hopefully I am seeing things the way they really are. 🙂

  • I wonder if my cheater ex reads or hears about Bill gates and the almost universal negative reaction to it and feels any shame or embarrassment. Or does he just think “another frigid bitch of a wife, what was he supposed to do?”

    • While I don’t know your ex, I do know mine. The typical cheater response to news like the Gates divorce is, “another frigid bitch of a wife, what was he supposed to do?” I’ve heard those exact words from my fuckwit father and all three cheating exes in reference to Gen. Eisenhower, Martin Luther King Junior, JFK, and numerous cheating friends, relatives and relatives of friends. Birds of a feather and all that.

  • I don’t know if the Gates’ divorce is a good topic to be discussed here in a forum for real people.
    Sure , he is an asshole cheater who mingled with Epstein.

    But I am sure that every individual posting here paid more in personal tax last year than any of those super rich billionaires. Part of their wealth is due to tax avoidance. I would also prefer not to pay tax and give some of my wealth to charity.
    Sure they have their charity to make themselves feel good, or as some people here suspect, to please their narcissistic ego.
    Melinda Gates wouldn’t have married the unattractive, socially occult nerd if he would have worked in the computer repair shop. He was the CEO, she was the successful manager in a company who forcefully tries to create a monopoly ( and Apple IOs is the only alternative, sorry Linux users) and screws its customers over.
    Now that doesn’t make the lying and cheating any better and they should get divorced.
    The only message I get out of the whole thing is money doesn’t make you happy and even insane amounts of money do not replace values and morals. The rest is for the rainbow press to discuss.

  • Best wishes to Melinda Gates. Shame on cheater Bill for his actions and choice of ‘marriage counselor’.
    Wishing her a good cheater-free future. Acknowledging it’s a big adjustment and takes time to recover. Hoping maybe in time she might consider contributing her philanthropic influence towards helping others whose lives too are turned upside down by infidelity.

  • Kill Gates is evil to the core. I have no idea about his wife, however she has no Epstein Island type things to connect her to.

    You may not want to hear “conspiracy theories”, however that does not mean they’re not “fact”.

    Watch the Epstein Netflix doc for starters. That’s just the start of the rabbit hole.

    • I wasn’t sure if this was a reply to me.
      I completely agree , Bill Gates is an asshole, if he abused minors he needs to go to jail.

      My point is – this is all so far away from what we are going through – these people may as well live on a different planet . Discussing Bill Gates’ miserable life will not help us in our recovery and ability to live a normal life .
      Sorry if I wasn’t clear

    • Conspiracy theories are not facts. And putting that word in quotes is telling. We don’t do bread crumbs here. So don’t even start . . .

      • Well…Your Majesty… I didn’t realize you decide when someone “starts”. And “it’s telling”? Of course it is, I’m saying what I want to say.

    • A stopped clock can be right twice a day and Q-Anoners grab at any straw– sometimes actually legitimate straws drawn from mainstream sources– to create supervillains among so-called progressives. To quote Margaret Atwood, “An idea isn’t responsible for the people who believe in it.” The buzz that Q-Anoners glom onto isn’t necessarily wrong just because they glommed.

      My biggest problem with this isn’t just the way they spin everything into outrageous and sometimes violent extremes but the fact that Q-Anoners target Gates for being progressive when Gates is anything but progressive and the fact of his being targeted just feeds into the illusion he created that he is. He’s a neoliberal Trojan horse. He and Murdoch might as well just be playing lefty cop/righty cop as a tag team, though Murdoch is a noxious radical, not conservative, and Gates a privatization maven and a crook. They invest in and promote all the same toxic, deadly, democracy-eroding crap like the mechanisms of mass surveillance, private prisons, ed privatization, big oil, military-industrial, death trains and the Rio Tinto mining company.

      What also bothers me about the supervillain mastermind nonsense is that, in some ways, it’s misleadingly comforting. If these scheming evil geniuses are so brilliant you’d think they’d be able to save the planet from doom in a pinch and would do so out of selfish motives. But the only thing they’re really gifted at is piracy, cover-up and disaster capitalism. Not so comforting.

  • This divorce doesn’t surprise me one bit.
    The elder son of family frenemies J. rubs elbows with Gates and was invited to Bill and Melissa’s wedding on Lanai as well as on safari in Africa. I didn’t hear it directly from J. but his mother. There was a clause in their prenup that he could spend time with an ex-girlfriend. This must have been Ann Winblad. So a preemptive hall pass when Bill screwed around with other women ?
    On the safari, King Bill invited people at the top of their professions to do presentations. If he was bored, he’d open up his book and start reading. J. did his court jester routine; the king’s b.o. was rank.

  • Bill Gates is the poster boy of covert narcissism.
    He does the “good deeds” see Gates foundation, philanthropy, which I’d willing to bet was all the brain child of Melinda, all to paint a nice public image of himself. Then behind the do-gooder image he’s really hanging with his child rapist, and trafficker friend Jeffery Epstein. Bill Gates true self is the one hanging with Jeffery Epstein, and cheating on his wife. Let’s not be confused by the smoke and mirror and paint this more nicely bc of the billions of dollars he has. This is just like the “Mr. Nice Guy” we all know and many of us were married to. Being charitable for the whole town to see, but being evil at home when no one is looking and cheating at each opportunity.

  • What’s clear about Bill is clear, and it’s no surprise. (Heck, he even fished for Melinda in the company pond.)

    I’m not ready to make any sweeping assumptions about Melinda just because Bill cheated. If she’s truly solid and just a victim of Bill’s, then yes of course I wish her the best. But I smell a still tangled skein. All that time, all that bad behavior, all that time with sketchy friends, and a great reputation and the ability to (a) come out of it wealthy and (b) come out of it with connections and business acumen galore, and only now at this late hour does the divorce hit the streets? We have no idea what happened behind those doors.

    The UBT has taught me well. No pom poms for me just yet. Just popcorn for now.

  • Being a chump opens your eyes to so many things, particularly in this case the media spin on things as ‘poor’ Bill, trapped in a lovely marriage by ‘toxic’ Melinda. All such bullshit. I too applaud the way she’s exited the situation, and I think it will be interesting to see how she defines herself in the coming years. Bill just seems like the usual entitled jerk, who expects that his way is the only way. Fly and be free Melinda, enjoy your life without the killjoy.

  • Goes to prove that even sniveling dweebs like Bill Gates can be hard core abusive narcissistic cheaters. Bill obviously cared more about his dick then the diseases and emotional trauma he was inflicting on his wife and kids much less putting his company in an untenable situation. Cheating is abuse. I won’t call Epstein or Gates anything less then abusers. !Cheaters is too nic). Birds of a feather flock together. Dirty pigs lie together, and if you lie with them you get dirty.

    Glad Melinda is getting out. Sounds like she chumped for her whole marriage with this cockamamie ex girlfriend ‘reading microbiology books’ bull crap. Oh, now that schmoopie is figuring out she was just schmoopie 1.0. Not so special, hey?

  • The media has made women out to be second class citizens. My take is they are taking the stance boys will be boys. Just like governor Cuomo. Melinda just needs to understand. Why hurt Bills feelings over this?

    Epstein was a pedophile. Other than that a great guy. Poor Bill. Will the truth come out. Probably not. Money counts more than Melinda’s feelings or justice.

    Bill is just a typical cheater. Nothings special at all.

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