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Happy Father’s Day!

Happy Dad’s day to all the chump men! Hope you’re out celebrating today and being celebrated.

If you’re going through the infidelity and divorce crucible right now, and the Hallmark bonhomie of Intact Family Celebrations turns you off, please know it gets better. Like I tell all the moms on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day is your chance to celebrate YOUR way and make this day about YOU. (Yes, my chumpy friend, your needs don’t have to be microscopic on this or any other holiday.)

Thanks for all you do to be the Sane Parent. Thanks for setting a good example. Thanks for giving every straight woman and gay guy here hope that Good Men Exist. We wouldn’t be Chump Nation without you.

And a special shout out to my husband, a wonderful father. To his corny jokes, to making Everything A Teachable Moment, to his love of baseball, popcorn, and BBQ, to his history of spoiling dogs to a ridiculous degree (he bakes them DOG CAKES for their birthdays!) to his being the sane guy who Shows Up — thank you. My son’s bio-dad ghosts him (here’s to the healing powers of step fathers!) and today my son is proud to call my husband his parent.

Please share your Good Guy stories in the comments.

Happy Dad’s Day!

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  • Need a good guy story, stbx has ignored his own sons while living in the same house for the last few years, awful human hell….????
    Need to know there are some good men out there

    • I have a moron too, CNM. Mine text me last night I have to pick up kiddo early from the weekend visit because moron is flying somewhere last minute. Just an hour before pickup, I was in church wishing real Dads Happy Father’s Day.

    • The whole system today is a broken mess and I’m out of D day now 4 years and I haven’t found it gets better!????

      • I’ve said it many times here before but there is an entire other side of this. We all happen to be on a blog that seems to be primarily women(at least comment wise) but there are other men’s groups I’m involved in that have the exact same experiences with ex wives. The whole thing is bizarre really, both genders claim the other gender is “all the same…”. Im not saying that’s what you’re suggesting but I’m finding it’s not really a gender thing but a true character thing. We’re not each other’s enemy and too often it feels like that’s the way things are headed.

        • My ex s-i-l is exactly who you guys talk about. A husband who loved her, wonderful little children, and she ghosted them. I am still on this site because of her. Every time I think about leaving one of the now grown kiddies will post something on line, or text, and I know I need to keep telling you it gets better. He found a wonderful new wife who was the mom they were looking for. Hang in there. And HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to any one hanging on and being present.

    • Aww, I’m sorry. My dad is the cheater in my life and I am so thankful that my husband and I are in this crazy life together. We are dealing with kid brain wiring challenges and aging parents and we are partners.

    • My fuckwit stbxw is a total lazy asshole about letting me see my kids she flakes so much, it sucks she has got custody all but locked up :/

  • My 30 year marriage to my cheater was childless. Cheater didn’t want kids, hated them in fact, and I wanted her to be happy so I never pressed her.

    Several years after the divorce I remarried and inherited four young adult stepkids. The kids were abandoned by their father in their teens. He was also emotionally abusive when he was around. Three of the kids were surviving members of quadruplets, and having been born extremely premature had some modest neurological problems. Nothing that would be considered a disability, but because they weren’t “perfect” their father rejected them.

    My relationship with the kids couldn’t be better. Tragically, we lost one to suicide two years ago. It was devastating, but I’ll always be grateful that I had the opportunity of knowing him as my stepson.

    Our daughter who still lives at home will be taking me out for Father’s Day lunch. She calls me Dad and thinks of me as her Dad, and I think of her as my daughter.

    I count myself blessed to be a Dad, particularly when I had always assumed I would never be one. If not for my cheater I would never have had this opportunity.

    Leaving my cheater was the hardest thing I had ever gone through up to that point. With enough years behind me now, I can truthfully say it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

  • Thank you O for your wonderful story which brought a few tears! You sound like a wonderful man and father. So sorry to hear about your stepson. I bet he was so grateful to get a dad like you after what he’d experienced previously. Wishing you a happy father’s day with your family.

  • Hey CaliChump, if you’re still out there reading, Happy Father’s Day. Your boys are lucky to have you steady the ship.

    • Fearful and Loathing-Thank you! Yes, I’m still around; honestly some days are better than others. I spent the day with my boys, barbecuing and watching movies.
      Your message really touched me. Thank you again. I hope things are going well for you too.

  • Happy Father’s Day to all of CN’s chump dads. It’s a sad day for me, chump mom
    (currently aka Tony Stark or RoboMom, because of the heart monitor glued to my chest for the next 30 days. Stress-related.
    Thanks to my former fake husband his and pussy posse).

    Good dads don’t cheat. Good dads don’t lie and gaslight their family. Good dads don’t abandon their family. Good dads communicate and problem solve. Good dads are loyal. Good dads get mad, feel disappointed, might wish they could have things they can’t, screw up. Just like good moms. Good dads are not perfect dads. But key for me is integrity, loyalty, accountability and wanting to do the best they can or learn how. Good dads model good conduct. Including making amends, keeping agreements. Not having secret double lives, secret second families, hiding money. Getting help if they have issues. IMHO.

    I realized the other day he has done everything in divorcing me, in front of all the lawyers and therapists, that he did in the marriage which destroyed it. Secret
    life with a woman. Lying. Hiding money. Offering me something and then taking it back. All while pointing the finger at me and blaming me and not looking in the mirror. Those things are why the divorce is taking so long, yet it’s also my fault the divorce is taking so long.

    I can look my daughter in the eye and truthfully say I didn’t do any of those things, in the marriage or in the divorce. He can’t. If he could, I’d be the first one to wish him a happy Father’s Day.

    Good is as good does. Anyone can create a baby, but being a father or a dad is about conduct. And if the conduct is destructive and deceptive and harmful, I won’t be faking any Father’s Day celebrations.

    • Amen to all this, VH.

      Days like today are tough. I can’t help but be reminded of my ex. I can’t help but think about how:
      *he was toxic.
      *he had a habit of making hurtful comments to his kids.
      *he ruined so many events–even something fun like sledding (I kid you not!!!).
      *we walked on eggshells to placate him

      I could go on.

      Despite all this, he insists he was a “great dad.” I know that today when his adult kids don’t call or write (my assumption), he will blame ME, convinced that I poisoned them not just since Dday but throughout their lives.

      Happy Father’s Day to all the good dads here, the ones who aren’t perfect but are overall kind and well-meaning. You guys give me hope!

      • My ex also blames me for the kids attitude toward him and thinks it’s 1. My fault, and 2. Only because they found out about the cheating (kids hacked my phone). The kids are actually mad because he doesn’t get it that to them the cheating was bad, but just another example of his overall meanness in general. The ex hates ME for all of it. His anger is so unfair- which spills over onto kid sharing stuff. It is really mind boggling- his anger and hatred of me. It’s the last and hardest thing to get past for me at this point.

  • Happy Father’s Day to all of the amazing CN Dads; you rock! Enjoy your day, you earned this and deserve it ????

    • This is a thank you for my father in Heaven. His death in a nursing home with ex husband in on it with my sister dharon and uncle Steve. My daughters death Joy eight months later.
      Thank you to all the real men out there. Remember you count too on Chumplady. It’s all the same boat.

      I got married on Father’s Day 26 years ago. Divorced before 36 wedding anniversary yesterday. June 18, 2021 was better than being married to him.

      He was into child porn on our daughters. Said daughters suicide was that. I know better. My ex had her killed. Murdered.

      We all count here.

  • I am having my annual internal argument about whether to remind my kids to call their dad today or not. As they are at the tail end of their teens, I no longer ask if they need help getting to the store to buy a gift or need a stamp for a card, etc. But, each year half of my brain thinks “this is their responsibility now” and the other half thinks “I want them to be polite and thoughtful people, so I should remind them their dad would appreciate a call.”

    I am completely aware that hell would freeze over, pigs would fly, and a Nigerian prince would deposit 3 million dollars in my back account before my EX would ever remind them to do something thoughtful for me. But that’s not the point. I divorced him due to his jackass behavior, and I want my kids to be better people.

    I hope all of you great dads out there are taking a bit of pride in your commitment to your kids today!

    • Eilonwy, Ex does remind out kids about Mothers Day. But I don’t jasdle them about Fathers Day. A wrrk beforehand I make sure they’re aware as I send a card and gift to Ex’s Dad (who has been very supportive of us). I lost my own Dad 20 years ago and he has been v good. But making the kids aware that the day is coming up is as far as I go. I’m not going to guilt them into a relationship they might not want.

  • Yes happy fathers day to all those dads that deserve it.

    My oldest daughter (27) was very sad this morning. Its the first fathers day since DDay. She’s feeling it. I didn’t know what to say so I just hugged her real tight. She said that she’s not sad about him but grieving the loss of who she thought he was. She went no contact a few months ago after he tried some dickish manipulative moves on her. She sees right through him now. It’s so crushing. I hate him more for hurting my children (all adults) than I do for hurting me. Just no need to hurt them. They’re great people. My own home grown besties ❤️

    • Yes Claire that did it for me too. A man who wilfully hurts his children – there are no words. Your daughter is a wise young woman.

  • CL and CN, thank you for your Fathers Day encouragement. I’ve been raising two children alone during six years of D-days and fake-reconciliation with my STBX. I show up for my kids every morning, day, and night. They are kind, curious, and creative. And as a three-person family we are helping each other heal. I’m not at Meh. But the advice and personal experiences you kindly share here remind me it’ll get better—THANK YOU!

    • RLFG- thank you for being a proper Dad and real man. It’s vitally importamt that boys understand what cheating and its impact is and men have so much to teach and give. Thank you, and every Chump Dad, for helping your little people to be better humans. Happy Father’s Day! X

  • I came across Kelly Clarkson’s Piece by Piece song this week. I especially love the version she performed live on an Idol show when she is obviously very pregnant.

    My lessons so far in this life relating to men are all about terrifying abandonment. I’m 62. I really hope there is one more chance for me to find out “A man can be kind. And a father could stay.”

    • I feel the same way Tallgrass. I turn 62 in September and I’m feeling old for the first time. Hard to imagine there is enough time to overcome all this hurt and be happy. I sure hope so, I’m just having a hard time making some big moves to make it happen.!

  • I also would like to wish all the good chump dads a wonderful Father’s Day.

    While I personally haven’t had much experience with a healthy, loving father I do know you are out there. Know you are appreciated.

  • I thought today was going to be hard but I’m feeling pretty good. I read cheating in a nutshell this week which was really helpful and then I found a book on recovering from gaslighting on kindle unlimited which I’m working through and I feel ok. I’m determined to heal from this and have a fabulous life. I follow dumped wifes revenge on instagram and she’s my hero.

    I keep thinking about how when we were splitting things up and I asked him which TVs he was taking. We had 3. I figured he would take 2 and I was fine with that, I was just making arrangements. He got all pissed off and said he was taking the big one in the living room because that was his father’s day gift so it was his! I remember thinking, your father’s day gift? When did I ever get a mother’s day gift that in any way compares to that? But now it’s just hilarious. He could’ve taken that one and another one but instead he threw a little tantrum and now I have TVs in my living room and bedroom and I’m in bed watching “Why Women Kill” and laughing about it.

  • Three years since DDay, abandoned by ex wife to go start a new family with her gym instructor. Lost my father a few months after she left and then my mother just last year.

    Now it’s me and my three young boys chilling on the beach starting a new family tradition for Father’s Day. Loving every bit of it!

    I didn’t share my story for placement in the Pain Olympics, only to testify to other chumps that Meh does comes. For me, it took years but the sadness and anger does fade as long as you focus on what’s important. For me it’s these three young men and showing them being a man is doing what you must do for those you love.

    Happy father’s day fellow men chumps! Hang in there. It does get better.

  • Happy Father’s Day, ChumpDads. You’re doing the work that matters.

    I reminded my 19-y-o to wish his stepdad (not not what we’re supposed to call him now; he’s now my xH but “ex-stepdad” seems inappropriate) a HFD. While I have very vehement feelings about the abuse and PTSD xH put me through at the end of our marriage, he was always a decent stepfather to my son, and I’m trying to model the kind of behavior I would want my child to exhibit. Just because xH has no integrity doesn’t mean that I need to lower my own standards.

  • I had the kids this week, got joint custody after 3.5 years of divorce proceedings. Still 50 percent hardly felt like winning, but in my State it’s practically a miracle. The kids have adjusted to the new norm as have I. My god they’re way more resilient than I thought God bless them. I’m feeling pretty blessed today. My Girlfriend bought a fathers day book for them to give to me and they were so excited for me to open it. We read the story for 10 minutes and it was absolutely one of those moments that makes life worth living. So, there’s your’re happy fathers day story. At least it was for me.

  • My ex and his new 24-year-old wife (he’s 60) blame me for how my kids feel about him. I have asked them many times when they make disparaging remarks about him, do you feel that way because of something I have told you? They always say no, and ask me to stop suggesting that. My ex has earned this all by himself, lying and cheating, not ever owning any of his behavior even after being confronted. I am so sad about my kids losing their dad by their own choice, but they keep reminding me I’m not the reason why. I have lost any concept of family, I feel like he has ruined that for me forever. It’s been 18 months and I’m a long way from Meh….

  • My 3 lined up in front of me and the “quiet one” thanked me on behalf of the 3 of them for being their dad… was all the gift I ever needed or wanted

  • Her leaving was the best gift for my parenting. No longer was I focused on her and the broken relationship. Once I settled down, I became a much better father.

    It gets so much better.

  • Sorry I’m late to the party but Happy (belated) Father’s Day to the dads here on CN.

    You are awesome.

  • Hi fellow single Mom chumps, I want to share with you the text I got yesterday from my 32 year old daughter (brought tears to my eyes):

    “It’s Father’s Day but you were the one who raised us and stuck it out with us for good and bad.
    And I will always love and appreciate you SO MUCH for being the best parent we could have hoped for.”

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