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Leave a Cheater, Adopt a Dog

Best Public Service Announcement EVER goes to Rescue Dogs Rock NYC for “Dogs don’t cheat. Adopt a Life Partner.” Spoofing the Ashley Madison hack, the ad encourages folks to get a dog (or two!) instead of a cheater.

“You’ll find things in your dog that you’ll never find in your ex. Novel behaviors like loyalty, unconditional love… and not being an asshat.”

LOL!

Oh there are so many ways dogs are better than cheaters, Rescue Dogs Rock.

  1. Dogs don’t create dating profiles.
  2. They smell better than cheaters.
  3. Dogs never say “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you.”
  4. When dogs do something bad, they actually feel ashamed. (If cheaters could only slunk under the sofa.)
  5. Dogs just roll in poo, they don’t sleep with it.

So chumps, did a dog help you through your break up? If so, how is your dog better than your cheater?

And any chumps in the NYC area? Consider adopting a new life partner from Rescue Dogs Rock NYC. Show some love for this PSA and a furry friend.

This ran back in 2015, but this PSA should be FOREVER.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
      • I brought the younger of 2 family dogs with me when I left but it was obvious the DOCTOR would not take either.

        Within weeks, the older dog was sick and before we had a diagnosis – the DOCTOR suggested euthanasia. He may have saved money by saying that but our kids were horrified and he’ll never know what that suggestion “cost” him in life. Or maybe he simply doesn’t care.

        I still had the younger dog and so I took her with me to Poland. It was a surmountable hassle to bring her, but she was a loving companion & a social asset actually. I’m certain that people were friendlier to me because I was walking a dog.

        I made 3 good friends by walking her and chatting about dogs.

        Plus, her loyalty and ability to show me she cared, are still unparalleled.

    • My 2 cats have been my loving posse during my attempts to get away from crazy X, and then deal with him later because we have sons together. My fur babies absolutely love me, and it’s so comforting! They’ve moved with me wherever I go, and they never complain. Thank goddess for them!

      • Right there with ya! My babies are brother and sister kittens, adopted from the humane society right before FW checked out of the marital hotel.

        I’ve since moved to California and North Carolina, and they’ve been with me through it all. They’re some kind of fluffy orange Creamsicle Ragdoll mix of pure love.

        And they’ve never berated, devalued, lied to, gaslighted, stolen from, or cheated on me.

        They’re literally better people than FW and OW could ever be.

  • 👏👍💕

    That’s so sweet.

    I moved away from fucktard to another county(Northumberland) and planned to get a rescue dog, then of course Covid.

    In the UK, according to old Boris, most restrictions will be lifted on the 19th July, so I’m hoping the shelters will be open, and I can start looking for a dog,
    maybe a cat as well! 😂🐶🙀

    Someone asked me the other week if I thought I’d ever get involved in another relationship/marriage, I said I’d rather eat a bowl of my own vomit. 🤮🍜😂

  • My cat & dog were there for me through D-Day & the divorce, both saving me by giving me a purpose other than obsessively scouring the Other Woman’s social media; who openly flaunted her relationship with my then husband. A few friends (the smarter ones don’t) encourage me to “get out there” again and I’ve made a few attempts to date here & there. But then I think about all the effort I put into keeping my marriage afloat & I just don’t have it within me to invest that into another unappreciative human again..
    when my two fur partners at home are just appreciative that I simply come home to them. Viva la furry life partners!

  • Immediately after D-Day I knew I needed kittens. (My ex-husband and then the cheating ex-fiance didn’t like cats – 30 years I waited).

    My girlfriend has a farm and always had kittens. I adopted brother/sister kittens. They saved me. And with working from home, we have become quite attached. Bonus is that my teen daughter loves them just as much. They’ve helped her just as much as they helped me.

    Crazy antics + cuddles + companionship.

  • I love both dogs and cats, but I love them differently. It was a close-run thing as to whether we’d get a little dog or a cat, and the prospect of cleaning up poop settled us in the cat direction.

    But I agree that pets provide a warmth and companionship that’s infinitely preferable to a shitty relationship with a human being.

    Even cats, who are notoriously cupboard-love-oriented and disloyal. For example:
    – my cat lies to me regularly about not having been fed.
    – my cat wakes me at ungodly hours in the morning.
    – my cat ignores me much of the time, except when he wants something.
    – my cat orders me around and rules the house with a paw of iron.
    – my cat steals the best seats.
    – my cat pesters me while I’m eating.

    All of this is STILL preferable to a shitty human relationship. He has qualities of warmth, softness, affection, and closeness which offset his less appealing behaviors. He is clean, dainty, careful, quiet, and comes for regular cuddles. He is also very unfussy about food.

    (For those of you who think my cat is very spoilt, in his defense he was a rescue cat who came to us as a fully grown adult, and had had a hard upbringing, so many of his character flaws will not change, but we have found ways to live together happily. Also I have a squirt bottle for extreme behaviors).

    Ideally Chumps would surround ourselves with good human relationships first of all, but if you’re still learning to trust people again, a pet can be a great bridge to opening up to other people.

    Even if it’s only to complain about how badly behaved the pet is.

    • Your cat is a typical cat! 😂🐱

      Cats can be jerks, but they have lots of lovely traits that set off the jerkiness. 😊

    • Cats are lovable assholes.😂 I have chew marks on my glasses from their attempts to wake me to feed them. My watchband is also chewed up. They poop while I’m trying to clean the litter box. And then they cuddle and purr and wash my face and follow me everywhere.

      Unconditional love is healing.

      • So true. I had two beautiful labs, a yellow and a black. I loved them totally, and was devastated when they had to be put to sleep, pancreatic cancer, the both of them.

        Oscar, the black lab, took on a pit bull that was running towards me, such a brave loyal dog.

        I still sometimes see them out the corner of my eye, and sometimes dream about them.

        When Henry, the yellow one, was put to sleep, fucktard said to the vet, “put me down too”! Such drama, he had to make it all about him, even then.

        We had a chocolate one as well, but had to rehome him, because Henry and Oscar kept attacking him. The vet said 3 male dogs of the same breed were always a problem. I remember when we first got him, out on a walk, and Rhino, (the chocolate) jumped up at fucktard, he went apeshit, (fucktard) and started to yell and hit, I screamed at him to stop, and he of course then turned on me.

        Rhino later took against me, fucktard used to sit with him on the sofa, whenever I moved, Rhino growled at me, and tried to go for me. Fucktard thought it was funny.

        We got Rhino from a couple where the woman didn’t like dogs, and kept him outside in a kennel, the man worked nights, so the only time poor Rhino got any affection was when the husband came home. He (Rhino) absolutely stank of urine and vomit when we got him. I think he thought all females were the enemy, and then Henry and Oscar took against him. I was so sad when we had to rehome him, the people we gave him to were really nice, I so hope he had a happy life. 😢

    • Dogs have masters, cats have staff! But despite their challenging personalities, a cat will never:
      – break vows
      – gaslight you
      – rob you of agency to make the best choices for your life
      – blow your finances
      -sue you just because they can

  • My dog was barely a year old when D-day 1 hit and I was prepared to leave her behind with him in my plan to try to get away, as I had no financial means to take her along. I was in Hawaii. Just paying my own air fare to fly back to CONUS was something I was unprepared for financially. Bringing her would have been impossible. But I got sucked into the RIC so it didn’t matter.

    Now she is old with numerous medical issues. Between three different expensive medications and her diabetic food and follow up vet appointments and lab costs, I can’t afford her expenses on my own. Klootzak would probably put her down if I left and if he didn’t, she might just die without me. She has always been my dog. Velcro attached to me since I rescued her. I am the only one who gives her the pills and injections and takes her outside. She is blind and sometimes needs to be carried when things are bad. And she weighs 45 pounds.

    Sadly, she is one of the only things left that keeps me stuck. When she passes, I’ll be able to go. And just because of the share crazy expense, I don’t think I’ll get another pet when I am single again. I think I will want the freedom to travel on a whim without worrying about finding a pet sitter or accommodations that will accept a pet. I love my girl with all my heart and will grieve so much when she is gone but my inability to absorb her costs alone and unwillingness to put her down has bound me.

    • I’m so sorry to hear all of this! Have you tried reaching out to a domestic violence shelter or animal shelter to ask for any suggestions or resources that can help? Is there any way you can use some time with your ex to make some extra money on the side and keep it in your own secure account? Maybe a gofundme request to help you and your pooch escape an abusive relationship?

      Maybe some chumps here who figured out impossible financial situations in order to leave might have some things that worked for them that they can share?

  • My 9 year old Beagle boy 🐕who I’ve had since a pup is my saviour. I love him to bits, he loves me unconditionally, he’s loyal, we go everywhere together, we love being together and he’s the only man in my life who is ever going to share my bed again😂 He’s kept me going through the shit storm and I wouldn’t trade him for the arsehole FW for a trillion bucks😄 I would highly recommend it.

  • When my dog had to be euthanized and I was so emotional the person who is my soon to be former husband had no empathy. That was another red flag to me.

  • My kids convinced me to get a second dog after fw. He is a good upgrade replacement. I trust he won’t cheat and is completely loyal. While I love him, I must admit he is a bit of a narc. He is always vying for my attention and trying to isolate me. If anyone else talks to me or needs my attention, he has to get in the middle. If I am talking on the phone, he will look for trouble or suddenly need to go outside. If I am texting, he head butts the phone. If I stop petting him he cries- poor sad sausage.

    Yes I guess I am just drawn to narcs but this one will never abandon me!

  • My cat would sit with me while I cried. I rescued her not knowing that she would rescue me. I also used to hug my horse’s neck and cry and talk to him. My animals were more loving and loyal to me than my ex ever was. Both my cat and horse have gone to heaven( I still have my quarter horse and adopted a kitten).

    One of my biggest worries that kept me up at night was that I would have to sell my horses and give my cat away. My cousin was telling people that she was going to move in my house and move her daughter’s horse into my barn. Thankfully that never happened. I bought my husbands share of the home. Animals are truly god’s creatures. Keep the cat divorce the cheater.

    • I can’t tell you how many times I cried into my (Quarter) horse’s neck! She and my dog have been my therapy animals through this whole sordid mess. I still have been known to go stand in her stall and just grab her neck and hug. And X-FW’s crazy kids (also abusive to me) thought they would keep the dog when I left, hell to the no. He is right here, by my side, where he will always be.

  • My bulldog gave me so much unconditional love and my cat seemed to sense when I was quite sad and comfort me, when my bulldog wasn’t around of course! My animals helped me so much. When my bulldog died I had an anxiety attack as I now had to sleep in the bed alone for the first time in many years and it took a bit of time but she helped me make that transition. I miss her more than I miss the cheater!

    • My boy Beau, a very handsome golden retriever, has been my life line. Some days he was the only reason I got out of bed because I had to care for him. He is loyal, adores me just the way I am, and gives an abundance of unconditional love. He will be my best friend always, he will never judge me or abuse me- he only has love to give…… my ex has none of these qualities……my dog has amazing character- my ex has NONE!

  • Honestly, when DDay happened I was lucky to stay alive myself. The only thing that kept me going was having to take care of my 9 year old son. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. And I couldn’t imagine caring for yet another living thing. The thought of getting a dog would have overwhelmed me.

    But 6 years later — during COVID — we rescued a dog. It was another step in caring for my kid. He always wanted a dog and now at 15, I wasn’t going to let him miss the “boy and his dog” phase. And our sweet “lab mix” (they promised he had no pit in him– but he’s clearly got pit LOL) is the best thing that’s happened to us. That sweet dog is super loving to me, my son and my boyfriend. He’s won our hearts and more loyal than any human could ever be.

    Happy Friday everybody 🙂

  • Asshat left his dog here when he left. When I passed the screaming stage and thought about it, it’s very symbolic that the dog he purported to LOVE, the one he called his San Antonio Rose, he just left behind.

    That loving big dog has become MY spirit animal. I never liked dogs . I’m a cat person. But this big kind gentle dog has become my friend. I used to just cry and scream out of the blue in the beginning stages of grief.. She would be very concerned for me and with a concerned look, she’d timidly tiptoe up to me and put her head on my leg, nudge me and then slowly put her head in and hug me with her head and shoulders.

    It’s the best feeling in the world! All I have to say to her now is “gimme s hug!” And she comes over and “hugs” me with just her body. The look in her eyes and face is pure love to me.

  • Best. Advertisement. Ever.

    Thanks for the laugh. Underneath the comedy, all of us recognize the pain.

    It’s hard to remind ourselves and truly believe we gained when we feel we lost so much when they cheated and left. But 3 years out (today is DDay anniversary), while he’s on to his new marriage with the AP, I’m 3 years into a new life with friends, a wonderful relationship with my children, a great job, running my life and home as I choose, not splitting my hard won finances with a fuckwit, and a dating life. I have really down moments still from time to time – like when the former AP (now wife) pulled into my driveway to pick my son up to take him to football practice the other day, but honestly, I have had so many down moments that I’ve had to just push through and feel, that I have become accustomed to standing back up, dusting myself off, and just getting back on with life. It does leave scars. Life is changed. But as Chump Lady said in her book: the peace is divine.

  • I found two kittens at the side of a rural road a week after D-Day. After making sure they didn’t belong at the few homes nearby I decided they were mine! The Dementor would never have let me keep them but I had kicked him out so… Ironically STBX said “are you sure that’s a good idea? They are going to complicate your life.” (Yes, that’s what’s going to complicate my life. Haha!) I literally think of that every time I scoop the poop.
    They are cuddly and sweet which I needed in my life! His cheating and emotional abuse I don’t need!

  • Best start to a day in a long time!! I live that video!!

    Thanks, CL!

    I had a great dog throughout my Dday & divorce. When she started to fail, it broke my heart. The only upside to fuckwit showing up at the pet ER where we took her following a seizure & we had her put down (teen daughter had called him): I walked out & let him pay for the ordeal.

    Dogs could never be those asshats.

    Mighty!!

    • My cats keep me company on the weekends that my children are at FW and OW’s house and I am forever grateful for that. I’d like to get a dog one day but my cats are getting older and I don’t want to put them through that stress. Maybe when they’re gone.

      I heard Lady Gaga say something to the effect of (totally paraphrasing): “Choose your career. Your career will never wake up in the morning and tell you it doesn’t love you.” Same with your pet.

  • My 9 year old Irish Water Spaniel would come & give me her paw the times I was crying my eyes out over the whole mess. It’ll be interesting to see how she reacts when he gets his things he wanted from the house this month.

  • Three months after dday & cruel discard, I was hospitalized for a mental breakdown. I told one of the MDs that I had nothing to live for except my cats. His answer was, “Well, then live for your cats.”

    Eleven years later 2 those 3 cats have passed on but 2 more have been adopted. I know that no one would care for them the way I do & checking out would be a cruel discard to them.

    • I’m so glad you had a sensible, sensitive MD to guide you onto the right path. Obviously you are in a far better place now, loving and being loved by innocent creatures who depend on you completely.

  • Best ad ever!

    (And I have read that an influx of “returns” is happening nationwide as people who objectify animals as novelties go back to office work and the pet-objects they adopted in early pandemic times to entertain themselves don’t work in their lives anymore, so, truly, there’s no time like the present.)

  • I adopted dogs within weeks of the divorce being final. Before that, I never felt safe enough to bring anything into my life. But once the divorce was final? Dogs. So now I’ve got a few special-needs puppers who need me and love me and who don’t treat my love like shit. It’s not always easy, but it feeds my soul instead of devouring it.

  • I’ve done breed rescue for years, and one long-ago adoption, I was chatting with a potential adopter about what she was looking for in a pet. We do a lot of screening to make sure our weird little dogs are the right fit for people.

    She was recently divorced, and said that her cousin asked her what she was looking for in a new man.

    “I want someone who’s happy and wants to spend time with me. Who likes my friends, and who eats whatever I put in front of hm.”

    Her cousin replied, “Honey, you don’t need a man, you need a dog.”

    So that’s what she got. And she got a good one too, and named him after her father. Theo fit the bill perfectly.

    • Wednesday!!!!

      Wednesday is THE BEST and I’m so glad she has dropped in. Whenever I read Wednesday’s “Field Guide to Trolls” I laugh too long and too hard.

      And I recall photos of her micro velcro dogs doing agility. Funnily enough, my younger sibling has taken in a variety of little rescue dogs and yes, the one who looks like it would fit in at Wednesday’s house is GLUED to my sibling. So cute.

      • Long time no see, JWH. Hope things are better these days. Finally decided after a decade or so to try dating again, and met a wonderful man last year who’s moving in this month. Gave up agility, sadly, but still very involved with Rescue.

        New man loves my dogs and is tickled pink by his newfound love of the kittens someone abandoned in my driveway a month ago. I get a kick out of watching this 6’5″ guy giggle like an anime schoolgirl at their antics…he’s going to miss them when I finally find homes for them all!

  • I love my dog but it is a bit annoying how excited she gets whenever ex comes around to get the kids. He was her favorite when he was around. He left her too. The night he moved out she sat by the back door waiting for him to come back. I tried to tell her he wasn’t coming back but of course she didn’t understand. And yet, she still gets excited and happy to see him almost five years later and as infrequently as he is there. She clearly doesn’t get that he sucks.

    • That is so sad. The poor baby, waiting by the door. I’d like to strangle that fw!

      My dogs don’t pine for the jerk, thankfully. In fact, after dday, one of my dogs started to shun him. Previously she had adored him, but she knew he was no longer part of the pack.

      • Yes, it broke my heart to see her so sad and so patiently waiting that night. I hadn’t thought it could break any more at that point but I was wrong.

  • Just the other day, the traitor who is now Mr. Cat Person (although I was the Cat Person during the mirage) got into an argument with our daughter which involved his treatment of the cat he got when he moved into his townhouse. When he dropped her off at home on Monday night she was really angry at him.

    He put his in cat in his truck for their drive home, and of course the cat was very upset. Then my daughter got upset and had to point out to him that the cat did not want to be in the truck and was in distress and scared. She told him to let the cat out. He complied, but not without minimizing the situation. She can see that he dismisses everyone’s feelings but his own and was really angry with him.

    Interestingly, he brought this incident up yesterday with Dr. Co-Parent, and of course his version of events was Happy Fun Anecdote. My jaw was on the floor, as it often is when we meet with Dr. Co-Parent, and so I filled them in on how our daughter and the cat really felt.

    I have had animals my whole life and would never leave them under any circumstances. He left without a backward glance at not only me and our daughter but our kitty as well. He is trying to win our daughter back by having an animal, but it is just revealing more to her how about he treats others in relationships, and it’s not good.

    • …..and I keep seeing visions of a big dog in my life and his or her name is Hero.

      • Oof. I’m going to rain on this cheaters-hate-pets parade.

        My cheating ex is a true animal lover!

        In general, he treated the dogs better than he treated me (or the kids).

        I used to joke that I wanted to die and come back as his bitch. I also had a dream that he’d given my pearl necklace to the dog. I have to admit that the dog rocked those pearls! (My ex would later use this joke as a justification for cheating. Wut?)

        He used our animals to keep me close to home (I was on a 4-hour leash) and avoid social engagements he didn’t like. It was a form of control. Traveling was a challenge because he refused to allow the dog to go to daycare. Of course, the job of finding and securing a sitter fell to me.

        Bottom line: 1. the dogs seemed to be narcissistic extensions of him (Kibbles R Us), and 2. at times, he treated them better than he treated me or our kids.

        p.s. Two-three weeks after Dday, our dog was killed by a coyote. The worst! Both of us were crying when we took the dead dog to the vet. My ex told me to get another dog. I responded, “Don’t tell me what to do.” It was the first time I’d said that to him.💪When I can get a dog (can’t now because of landlord restrictions), I’ll do so on my terms.

        • “My cheating ex is a true animal lover!

          In general, he treated the dogs better than he treated me (or the kids).”

          When I read “The Psychopath Test”, one of the examples the author gave was a man who treated everyone around him like shit, but cried when his dog died.

          One would assume this meant he wasn’t *really* a psychopath, he had feelings! Ronson made the point the dog was something that could be controlled, therefore an object that obeyed, did as it was told. The loss was the loss of a useful object, which was where the grief came in, the loss of something of use.

          I’m not saying your ex is a psychopath, he’s probably just a common or garden narc/shitbag, but the fact that he treated the dogs better than he treated his human family says to me the dogs were something he could *control*, he was the *boss* – none of those messy, demanding expectations that come with human beings. xx

          • So true. My ex cried like a baby when our old age dog had to be put to sleep. The whore actually put her down. (she was the city dog catcher) I didn’t know at the time he was fucking her.

            He however drop kicked me to the trash without batting an eye. That was after he had spend a year and a half treating me like dog shit on his shoe.

            She (the dog) adored my ex. She loved me too, but he was her person. Oh to clarify I meant the four legged dog loved him, I am sure the dog catcher did too, and yes she was a dog; and she didn’t age well either.

            For anyone who is offended by me insulting the whore dog catcher, I don’t care.

          • Yeah. Sadly, I think there’s some truth to this.

            I suspect the ability to control these animals appealed to him. As a physician, he controlled the nurses (and nabbed one to be his AP). At home, he controlled the animals who didn’t care if he was moody and mean. Consequence-free zone.

            To be honest, he also controlled me. I thought I was large and in charge, but, in reality, I lead my life trying to read his mind and anticipate his needs. He controlled me through his silent rage. I’d like to point out here that he was a quiet man, almost pathologically shy. Super socially awkward. I’m not a psychologist, but I suspect he liked feeling that he was the powerful “master,” the alpha dog, to compensate for feeling “less than” in the real world.

            Interestingly enough, he also hyper-identified with the dogs. If his back hurt, he would say that the dog’s back hurt. When we pointed out that he was projecting his own pain onto the dog, he ignored us. Notably, he rarely laughed at himself.

            *sigh*

            • “He controlled me through his silent rage.”

              That’s a great comment and a very effective technique that these abuser user frauds employee in order to manipulate their targets.

  • Mr. Pickles, my tabby cat, got me through that tough time. Now, we are rescue parrot people since I had to give up Mr. Pickles when I married Mrs. DM seven years ago. (She was a secret parrot lover. We have 5 now.)

  • I have two rescue dogs. I would not have made it through this without them. I had another rescue who died while jerkoff was cheating. He left me to deal with a dying dog all by myself so he could cheat. The poor boy needed 24/7 supervision because he had canine dementia. So I got little to no sleep for about two months until there was no hope, his suffering was too great, and he had to be euthanized. Fuckwit didn’t give a damn about what I went through, was planning his exit (which he couldn’t pull off since schmoopie wasn’t interested in anything but using him) the whole time. Our shared pain over the dog’s passing meant nothing to him. Shared pain over the passing if several relatives during this time also meant nothing. Cheater actually said the passing of another dog in 2011 was part of the reason he no longer loved me. Yeah, I know, it’s just stupid shit cheaters say, but he got stupider. He also said the fact that I wouldn’t let my mom show him Madonna’s Sex book 20+ years ago was part of the reason, that I had “restricted his freedom” by telling my mom that it was inappropriate and made me uncomfortable.
    Can anybody top that for a fucked up excuse?
    The classic bagged salad excuse was a massively fucked up one, but I feel not being able to look at porn with my mother has the edge due to sheer insanity. Of course, I am biased.

    Anyway, back to dogs. Dogs are the most noble creatures on this planet. Cheaters are the least.
    One of my dogs is the greatest empath I have ever seen. If I am sad, she always knows and comes to lick me and cuddle with me. The other one gets extremely silly when she is petted and writhes in ecstasy. I adore them and all dogs.

    Please adopt a rescue, people. Don’t buy from pet stores or private sellers of puppies. Most of them come from puppy mills and the conditions in many of them are shockingly torturous. None of them are humane- the dogs are kept in wire cages 24/7. Breaks my heart just to think about it. Anybody who abuses a dog deserves to die.

  • My property manager would only allow one dog, so I took my daughters dog and left my other two unfortunately.
    Her and I would get up before work and walk three miles while I listened to leave a cheater on audiobook for the first few months after d-day.

  • I’ve been rescuing animals all my life. They are grateful give unconditional love and ask for nothing in return.
    My two cats and ones I feed in my yard have gotten me through the most horrific times. Dogs or cats.. any other animal is more important than taking care of a lying, cheating spouse who has no regard for our health or mental state.
    Anyone that abuses animals for profit like puppy mills
    should be put in jail! My father said to me when I was a child “that beware of anyone that doesn’t like animals or children “ for there heartless. Cheaters treat people who love them I put in that category.

  • I didn’t take many material possessions when I left. The one thing I would have fought to the death for was my cat. He was my savior. I went through some really bad days for quite a while and my buddy Mo literally saved my life. On the days I just couldn’t get out of bed and face the world he was right there. He stayed by my side for comfort and he was great comfort. He knew. He just knew i was in pain and he saved me. This pass January he died at the ripe old age of approx 19. It was awful. He died in my arms and I didn’t get out of bed for 2 days. I couldn’t go long without the love of a good animal so the end of February I went to the shelter and and brought home my Lucy. She is now the love of my life but i will always hold a special place in my heart for my beloved Mo. He is a huge part of why I am still here today and living a good life now!!

    • What a wonderful story! Our family cat Horsey came with me when I left X, flying two states away, in a cat carrier by my feet. She comforted, and ‘talked’ to me for 8 years, and was such a help in my emotional healing. I had to send her over the bridge, last year, but she was 22 and failing. I’m getting all choked up, just thinking about her! They truly are angels, sent to love us.

  • My dog is loyal, loving, and is ashamed of her loud toots which the ex never was. Her belly rubs were my saving grace. I like to pet the hair on her back unlike the ex’s. She always willing to travel and does not whine about what I like to do. Her patience is angelic. She loves people, especially my friends and does not complain when we visit. She stay at a place as long as I want. Her hair is the only thing I have to clean up after and she does not hoard stupid stuff!

    • Hoarding stupid stuff is funny.

      I remember my ex had all sorts of hats. He kept them in his office, but wanted to hang them all around the living room. I usually gave in to what he wanted, but that was a big no from me. I let him put in a wood stove to save on electric bills (little did I know he was spending the saving on whores) Anyway, his sister (we worked at the same facility) told me that he put up hooks all around the living room where he and the whore were living and the room was surrounded with hats. Lol.

      But as far as I know they didn’t have a wood stove. Maybe she knew what the savings would be spent on, so she refused to save any.

  • Love. This. Ad. Love it!!

    Ex left me and our rescued kitty without looking back. I adopted a second kitty after he moved and the three of us have a safe, happy home.

    They eat whatever I feed them without complaining.
    They snuggle me at night without sneaking off to sext our friends.
    I can trust them when they leave the house for a few hours.
    They do their best to tell me they love me, and they mean it.
    No additional laundry.
    They like the same kinds of movies I do.
    No broken promises.
    They reduce my anxiety rather than causing it!

  • My rescue dog actually bit the other woman. I didn’t know at the time she was the other woman. She was coming over to visit with our new baby and brought food. My smart little fella knew a lying skank when he smelled one and bit her. To be fair he didn’t like my stbx either.

  • Um, I have a snake, and his particular species lives for 30 years so he’s literally going to be a lifetime companion.

  • I’ve been lucky to have many pets in my life. Shortly before D-day, my 15 year old beloved Gold Retriever passed away. XH cried like a baby with me. However, on Dday, XH left behind not only me and our four grief-stricken children, but also our devoted Aussie and our two cats. In a massive pick-me dance move, I agreed to sell our “forever” family home because XH said he’d come back if we moved into a much smaller home we kept nearby as a rental. I moved and XH never even showed up to move his own stuff. Our Aussie was very traumatized by everything and not only destroyed doors, walls, windows, door jams, electronic cords but at every chance he would escape the fenced yard and run back to our old house as if to say, “NO!, I WANT TO GO BACK HOME!” I too wanted to go back to what was before Dday, and I could relate to what my dog as feeling and would bawl my eyes out each time I had to go get him.

    Our old pumpkin cat slept with my youngest every single night — he let her snuggle him under her arm like a stuffie — she cried herself to sleep into his soft fur in agony over the discard by her dad. When pumpkin died at age 16, at the height of the divorce from hell, I thought my broken heart would never heal. XH didn’t even care.

    Fast forward 6 years. XH, who never once inquired about our pets, tried to manipulate our youngest into staying over at his home (that he shares with AP). He offered her a puppy if she would do so. At age 16, and now driving and can get away if needed, she finally agreed. However, XH, ever the bastard, bought his AP a puppy — the exact breed he promised our daughter. AP made it crystal clear to my daughter that XH preferred her and that the puppy was hers and only hers. Selfish, immature bitch!

    My daughter lost it on XH. He instantly, and without consulting his AP, bought my daughter a puppy online — paid $5500 to have it flown here. XH lied to everyone in the family and told them that our daughter was a “brat” and “made” him buy a puppy he never wanted. WTH?????

    The puppy arrived. A Golden Retriever. Our daughter adores the puppy but XH immediately started complaining that she wasn’t caring for it 24/7. Our daughter spent her first night in 6 years at XH’s home. In the middle of the night she heard AP crying. AP, in her 30s (XH is in mid 50s) was sitting under their cheap dining table, drunk, crying that she didn’t like her own puppy, that she hated her life, that she never wanted “this life with an fat old guy with kids” when all her friends were “getting married, having their own kids, buying their first homes. . . .” Are you fucking kidding me???!!! My daughter told that AP off — how she literally ruined my daughter’s childhood, stole her father, alienated her father, destroyed our marriage, made her father leave the family. . . My daughter left.

    XH continued to try to control my daughter with the puppy. Finally, he threatened to “re-home” the puppy if my daughter did not agree to come stay with him and AP. My daughter became suicidal. Her counselor said I needed to get that puppy. In less than 2 weeks, AP had renamed the puppy and told my older kids that my daughter’s puppy was hers and loved her more than my daughter. WTF???!!!

    I texted XH and said I was coming with our daughter to get the puppy to take it to the park. We pulled up and he was on the phone but sent the puppy out. We drove off and have had the puppy ever since (6 months now). XH asked once what our “plans” were regarding the puppy. I said, “if you want to make a schedule to have her, let me know.” He never did. Our daughter told XH that she will NEVER go to his house again if AP still lives there and she will NEVER allow her puppy to be around AP.

    I adore the puppy. She spends every minute with me and I provide nearly all of her care as my daughter is 16, has a boyfriend, is active in school activities, etc.

    I never wanted XH’s puppy, in addition to all of the other responsibilities he left, BUT why not me? I love my daughter and I love the puppy. I would never in a million years let XH rehome my daughter’s puppy. I’m showing my kids how to act.

    XH sucks. I trust he sucks.

    • I normally wouldn’t second guess the outcome to the puppy dilemma, but isn’t more fair not to promise an adolescent a puppy? An animal which will need care for at least a dozen years needs to be adopted by a well-settled adult from the beginning. I am inserting my unasked opinion because animals can be a comfort, but they should never be a pawn.

    • What a delightful May/December story that turned out to be.
      Your daughter might love her father but she doesn’t respect him.
      Was he this nuts when you two were married?
      Truth really is stranger than fiction.
      Keeping the dog and ignoring the loser is a win.

    • You know. It’s one thing when these FWs and APs treat chumps badly, it’s another when they shit on the kids. And using animals as relationship pawns–“AP made it crystal clear to my daughter that XH preferred her and that the puppy was hers and only hers”–adds to the fuckedupedness.

      There’s a special place in hell for people like this.

  • Our cute little rescue doggy was my daughter’s designated emotional support animal. She also supported me. So when fuckwit tried to physically steal her during a meeting to discuss household item parsing, I ran after him, tackled him, pulled her away, tore several fingernails off in the process, and started screaming for help that he was stealing my dog. Police couldn’t do anything as we were still married and pets are considered HOUSEHOLD ITEMS. Fuck that. This was our daughter’s emotional support pet. He didn’t give a shit, saying he “owned her.” I Still have sweet doggy. Fuckwit has his “dog” — sleeping with one of many whores in a series. Fuck him and his manipulations.

    • Bastard! He should be flogged to within an inch of his life for that.
      Mighty you to save your daughter’s dog from fw. 💪

  • My ex threatened to take my dogs, with the help of the OW, after DDay3. I was in the process of having him evicted as we were not legally married. When I signed over the title to the truck I had bought him, he no longer had any use for the dogs. The older of the two dogs was having health issues. I thought it was from the extreme stress of witnessing the discard. It turned out to be advanced cancer. He had to be euthanized. At that point the ex said he was too ashamed over leaving the dogs to return to collect the rest of his belongs. Oh, really. My remaining dog is my constant companion. I have cats, too, but their interactions with me are different. The dog is sleeping on the bed behind me right now. He is gently snoring. It is so reassuring when I wake up at night to reach over and feel his chest rise and fall. The love I receive from my animal companions is absolute. They are my faithful family. If I ever consider another relationship, the man must respect that my dog and cats are a lifetime commitment.

  • During one of her unannounced visits after having moved jn with AP#2 she stated “You love those dogs more than you did me”.

    We had a juck russel (Spunky) xw’s dd had picked out (& later abandoned). X picked her up one post Dday afternoon while I was away.

    she wisely left her my pair of rescue beagle siblings- Max & Stella. I would have hurt someone to get them back because I raised them from puppies. They were my beagles.
    You take them and we are at war.

    I intercepted a shock collar in the mail and gave it away fearing for Spunky’s mental health. Spunkie literally velcroed to my right leg whenever I sat down. She was bever more than 10 feet from me. I was her human. I let xw have her to prevent petulant argument.

    Having to care for my furbabies was a blessing. It got me out of wallowing in emotions even if it was a three minute switch in my thought process.

    After my brother died from herion OD. My mother would need my support. She missed her son forgetting the abuse she’d endured his last years alive.

    Having no wife at this point, Max, Stella and I decided to spend 7-10 days with her alternating between the city and my country cottage. They quickly attached to her and know her as Grammie. On the second visit, MAX DRUG ME TO THE KITCHEN DOOR TO SEE HER.

    When in the country they have four acres to hunt and exercise. When the time comes to return to the city they get super excited when I ask them, Do you want to go see Grammy? They get very vocal with their Barruuu’s interacting with her.

    They rescued me and my mother in our times of despair and lonliness.

    You may have never given it thought however, DOG SPELLED BACKWARD IS GOD. I think when they look at us and we look back that unconditional love we see is GOD incarnate.

  • Yes, my youngest’s therapist suggested a dog after my ex left because my youngest was fearful and jumpy. The dog certainly helped with that and slept with her, barked at strangers until she had the OK, and was generally just a fun and loving companion.

    Then the divorce process started and said dog attached herself to me. She always knew somehow when I got an upsetting email or when I was coming back from an appointment at my attorney’s office. Soon she wanted to sleep with me, but I provided her own bed because she snores too much.

    We’ve never looked back. My ex didn’t like animals in the house and made sure that there was a paragraph in the agreement that he had no responsibility for our animal(s). As if we even thought that a possibility. She’s staying with us!

  • My dog is awesome. In 23 years of knowing my ex, he never laid hands on me til he did. My dog almost tore through the kennel trying to get to me to protect me. After I kicked him out, I put his clothes in a pile and went to get trash bags to pick them in. My dog was peeing on his clothes, sniffing and peeing some more. Anywhere he didn’t smell pee, he lifted his leg and gave it a squirt. I packed those clothes in and sent them to him. I gave my dog lots of hugs, love and treats and said, “GOOD boy!”

  • So grateful for the loving, furry, affection and companionship of cats. Glad I got to keep them and appreciate their comforting, purring presence on sleepless nights.

  • The Kaiser of Loathesomeness is a veterinarian. Our dog developed bladder cancer and was doing fairly well on chemotherapy. One day, I came home to find him screaming at her because she had vomited on the floor. He kneed her in the ribs, then threw her outside in the snow. I thought he’d lost his mind. I screamed too, and brought her inside. Two weeks later was D-day #2.

    I got a puppy three months after I left. I was scared of the commitment because I could barely function, but he is the reason I survived. As the monstrous truths about the Loathesome Ex kept trickling in, my puppy was often the only reason I got up in the morning. He’s a big boy now, three years old, and he is my heart dog. Last year, I added a small kitten to our household, and every day, those two, who are thick as thieves, make me laugh with their shenanigans. I am so grateful for that.

    • OMG! A veterinarian did that??!! He’s a monster in the wrong profession. Kicking a [sick] dog is reason enough to leave.

      • Animal abuse is a symptom of psychopathy. Abusing a sick animal is beyond the pale. And a vet? Wow, that’s horrifying.

  • My sweet girl has been with me from day one. Literally, we adopted her around D-day ten years ago. Rarely have I not fallen asleep at night with my fingers in her folds of belly fat. In the early days I held her during the long dark nights of the soul as I struggled to accept that my wife had left and wasn’t coming back. She always waited until I fell asleep before leaving for her own bed. I thank her from the bottom of my heart and honestly don’t know if I would have made it without her. Dogs freakin rule.

  • Two dogs got my kids and me through DDay and divorce. The first wonderful dog walked miles at all hours with me when I couldn’t sleep, laid his head on my lap when I cried and was the reason I had to get up each day. He was the comforter and shield my sons needed when they went to “visit” Ex for a few hours each week. We were devastated when Hobbes the rescue dog died, but in some odd way it was therapeutic to finally have my two teenage boys and I cry and hug each other for hours to get through the grief of losing the dog. After waiting a few months, the kids and decided it was time to get a new dog – our yellow lab Buddy was found and became the center of attention and brought us so much entertainment. Ex had the gall to tell the kids he was “thinking of getting a dog” – turns out it was OW’s family dog and she was moving in with Ex. Kids knew right away what was going on. Just one of the many lies he told them.

    Buddy the lab always wants to be with his “people” and would never run off or leave us.

  • When our 14 year old golden retriever died, we let our heart broken 10 year old son pick our new dog. We got a German shorthaired pointer puppy. We were not prepared for this level of hyperactive mischief. He was destructive and my XW hated him. After a year she said she wanted him gone. Our marriage was rocky, so sought out a breed specific rescue group to take him. I presented this to her. Her response was I was just “setting her up to be the bad guy.” Post DD I realized she was already cheating on me. Post divorce the dog was my best friend and companion. He suffered from separation anxiety as my son’s left for college, but I found solutions and looked forward to our evenings and weekends together. After a couple years I started online dating and photos of me and “Buddy” helped sort out dates. Eventually a woman and I meshed over our love of dogs and our two dogs became fast friends. Two years later we married. Four months ago we brought home our fifth German Shorthaired Pointer Addie.

    • Wow, Bruno: I was just about to respond by praising German SHPs and telling you about my first dog (GSHP) I had when I was single, and how much I loved her–and how she destroyed my house when I was at work because of her severe separation anxiety, and how she finally settled down and was my closest companion for the next thirteen years….

      And then I read to the end of your post and my jaw dropped: my GSHP’s name was Addie.

      I would not be as amazed if they shared any other name… But my Addie was the only Addie-dog I’ve ever known! Such a great coincidence.

      • My wife and I are currently canoe camping on a High Sierra lake with Addie, our other GSP Maggie, five other dogs and four chumps. No cheaters!
        Life is good.

  • My 20 year old cat died 3 months before my divorce was final. I wasn’t ready to adopt right away, but Covid hit 3 months after the divorce. I decided that lockdown was not a good time to be without a cat (I’ve had either one or two cats for most of my life).

    I have a friend who works with a cat rescue group and I asked if she could be on the lookout for a cuddly cat, as most of my cats have been love-kitties.

    I also specifically wanted an older kitty because I’m older myself and don’t feel I can promise 20 years to another cat.

    My 13 year old cuddle buddy has brought SO much joy and companionship into my life! Far more loyal and devoted than my ex. Makes me laugh and/or smile every day. And I can hardly sit down before he leaps into my lap. I supposedly rescued him but I think it’s the other way around.

  • My little apartment is too small to have a pet and I’m frequently gone. I miss the pets that are at the house with stbx.
    I house sat for my daughter’s cat and a former neighbors dog and both gave me great comfort. When my divorce is done and I can get a bigger place I will get another another animal.
    Years ago when I was single I dated a man who I needed to break up with because of how he treated me. When I had gotten a rescue cat I broke up with the guy because I no longer felt alone like I had felt with that guy.

  • I can’t imagine how I would have survived either betrayal or COVID without feline companions.

    My cats are smarter than Jackass. They are kinder than jackass. They are more loyal than Jackass. And while they have that “I’m showing you who is boss” face when they knock something off a table, they never smirk, as if they have contempt for me.

  • When I left cheater ex, I took the cat. It’s the cat I fought him tooth and nail to adopt and I and my boys loved her. She was a sweetheart and helped us all through the dark days of the divorce. She particularly doted on my youngest, and was heartbroken when he was killed. I put one of his tee-shirts on her special spot and she spent a lot of time sleeping on it. A few months later when my eldest left home to live on his own, she became my kitty. She loved me through the worst time of my life and I will always be grateful for her.
    As I write I have a little white canine fluff ball to my left, her tan puppy on my shoulder, a black girl cat to my left, a tuxedo kitten tussling with my black old man kitty, and my pure sugar grey and white kitty napping. I can’t imagine life without my mobile zoo all of whom I love dearly. While the kitten and puppy were not exactly planned, they are a welcome addition to my family and are endlessly entertaining.
    Animals add so much to life and give unconditional love.

  • As a twice divorced single mum of twins, I have to say my beloved Labrador saved me. That dog taught me more about unconditional love than any human ever did. His companionship and loyalty saw me through many lonely days; when I was crying he would kick away my tears and nuzzle me. He was quite simply the love of my life.

    He was joined by a rescue Bassett, also gone from our lives, also dearly missed.

    We now have a rescue Beagle and a Corgi pup who has also stolen what is left of my heart. Canines win, hands down!

  • I got my Beagle named Lucy. A blessing from God. She took care of me and my roommate. We both went thru tragic divorces. She has the kindest heart. She was a rescue dog thru Colorado Beagle Rescue.

    • Beagles for the win ! I hear they don’t drool or smell. Little Houdinis though.

      My Thanksgiving tradition, while cooking for others, is to watch the National Dog Show. I know all the breeds by now.

      The extra bonus to having a dog is they act as a security alarm when people set foot on the property.

  • When married we had a dog and 13 cats. Rescues my asshat brought home. His one redeeming trait – and the youngest was 8 and the oldest 19.

    I was terrified he would fight me for half of the four legged crew. I couldn’t imagine us doing something that resembled a school yard picking of teams.

    Instead he only wanted one cat and the dog. OW had three cats and four dogs. My guess is she put a limit on what he could bring. He took Willie (cat) and Max (dog who thought he was a cat). Broke my heart, when in private I told them they were taking on for the team. EXH left in the middle of the night and even was hugely angry when I got up to say goodbye to my beautiful fur babies. I cry now just thinking about it.

    The first visit my DS had was at Christmas. The Max died the night he arrived. Willie died three days later with the same symptoms. I believe with all my heart she poisoned them. Asshat never bothered to take either to a vet. I sill cry over this too.

    While married my EXH never allowed my son to have a kitten. Basically we only had those he brought home. (Mind you I love them all – I bottled fed kittens, my ‘soul kitty Puma was a bobtail caught in a haveaheart trap for another woman that I gentle in three days – he hissed at my EXH for a decade LOL.). So to get back on track, my son and I volunteer at our local SPCA and he picked out a kitten and we ended up adopting that kitten and his brother. I think it helped us a huge amount – huge amount of distraction and entertainment. One with fetch paper balls with me for an hour at a time. It was also something we did together and we both were aware it was something EXH would not have allowed. I think it helped us both see our life was ours to chart.

    Things have been very hard – loss of my brother, my mother, both my in-laws (who were my rock through everything – just outstanding people). House has more issues than I can count and I’ve been working on them trying not to get depressed there is so much more to do. Realized this week I am very very far from TUESDAY. He can up for a visit with DS and had issues with medication and I had to stop myself twice from solving the problem. Had a reasonable 20 minute conversation with him. Breaks all my rules. Just so far away from where I need to be.

    Thinking of adopting a dog – just couldn’t until now due to grief over Max. Not sure what to adopt, needs to be under 45 ponds and good with cats and taking shorter walks. Hope I can meet people at obedience training, dog walks and dog park. Just don’t know what I’m looking for, it can’t be what Max was (English Pointer we rescued), and I know I’m not going to rush to it. Having the right match is most important.

    Has anyone else realized they are much further away from TUESDAY than they thought? What did you do?

    • So sorry about your multiple losses. They are part of the reason Tuesday feels so far away: grief taps into grief. The loss of the marriage you thought you had is one more thing to grieve.

      I’m probably closer to Tuesday than you but I’m not quite there yet. I catch myself thinking about the fun years, when I believed that he loved me. I know better now and certainly don’t want him back but I do miss the “mirage” because I was so happy then. I was being conned but I had no idea.

      Hang in there. Time will help you heal – it really does get better.

  • Pets can be wonderful, but I hope you weren’t advocating that someone who has been “chumped’ adopt an animal to help them through this time. I don’t mean to sound negative, but this advice is really, really, really bad.

    I volunteer with a group that rescues abandoned rabbits, birds, cats etc. and I can’t count how many times we’ve had people adopt a pet as an emotional salve, swear up and down they’ll keep it, then a few weeks/ months later, guess who is back at our doorstep, pet in hand or a carrier, saying they can’t keep it anymore. By that point, the pet had bonded with them, and it breaks their heart to be abandoned. I’ve even seen parrots feather pull until they are nearly bald because of the trauma.

    Even worse, some just choose to abandon their pet thinking ” it’s a rabbit-there’s wild rabbits here, I’ll just let it go and it will be fine”. Meanwhile, the poor bun, who has never been in the wild, lives a horrible life filled with hunger, disease, predation.

    I know I sound like I am on a soap box or lecturing, but it’s just so sad, and it’s also very preventable. Please, don’t adopt a pet unless you fully intended to keep it for the long haul.

    • Til death do you part.

      Pets cost money, not just for food. There’s now pet insurance in the States. Our first cat from my childhood Marmelade saved my mother and older brother. We never could figure out where this grown, wounded stray came from. When Mom picked him up, he hugged her. He loved to ride shotgun in our VW Bug, perched with his front paws on the grab bar. Good thing he wore a collar with his name tag-hopped in a workman’s truck once and went for a bit of a ride. He was hit by a car and my mother spent a small fortune on his surgery because my brother LOVED that 🐱 !

      So there are vet bills, boarding costs/cost of a sitter if a family member or good friend won’t look after them, plus the cost of a microchip.

      I’ve only had one tenant whose dog was adjusted to crate training (no incessant barking) and whose pet parent cleaned up after them. Annoyance to the other tenants plus 💩 that attracts flies. I forgot flea meds. We had to hire an exterminator because of the infestation upstairs after that cat and dog moved out.

      Animals do have feelings.

        • They do cost money….and I totally agree they are part of the family. It’s why we have less….we provide what they need. I love them very much….I always know they love me and without judgement….even on a bad day!

  • I adopted my hospice kitty Rick after my ex was an ass about our cats. The shelter wasnt putting Rick for adoption, only foster. They made an exception for me.

    Rick saved me. I gave him the best time of his life. Not knowing how much time he had, every day I gave him my all- he had love, comfort, safety, reassurance, and shared my life with me. We had 6 months, 26 days together. He is my heart kitty. He was worth this pain, our life together was worth this loss. Even with all my mistakes and misreads “whoops” moments I’d do it all again. All the happy videos and pictures and moments of absolute joy show he loved it regardless. He knew I love him. He is worthy. Please, get out of your head and go show another creature they are worthy too, no matter their situation or disease or age or condition. In doing so you may realize you have rediscovered you are worthy too.

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