Today I was out shopping with my daughters (young adults now) and we bumped into my ex-wife’s affair partner. He was with his wife and now teenage son. He and my ex-wife put me through hell 6 years ago.
In the past bumping into him has been akin to whacking a wasps nest with a stick in that it’s usually stirred up a lot of angry feelings.
This time I just felt grateful.
I thought that I can look my beautiful daughters in the eye and know I never let them down despite all the shit their mother put me through. I thought that I have their respect as well as their love.
I felt grateful that I get to live my life on my terms instead of scurrying around trying to keep someone who was never satisfied happy (impossible).
I feel grateful I’ve been free to meet and after 5 years marry someone who really appreciates me and treats me with love, respect and kindness and whom I love and respect so much.
I looked at him and saw a gutless worm who went crawling back to his wife (poor woman), despite what he put her through and to what must be a pretty dead marriage. What a pathetic creep.
I thought, despite all I got put through, I behaved with self respect and dignity and now I finally feel that I won.
Feels so good.
Real Monkey Love
Dear Real Monkey Love,
Thanks for the dispatch from the land of Meh. I had to run this on a Tuesday, of course. (To the newbies, “Tuesday” is the answer to “When does the pain stop?” I don’t know what Tuesday it is, but your Tuesday is out there.)
Well done on navigating yourself out of that shit show and arriving on the other side with your heart and sanity intact. To those who have just washed up on the Island of Suck, it’s hard to believe that escape is possible. That one day your head will clear, and you’ll look back, proud of how you comported yourself.
Not to say a chump doesn’t wobble along the way, but my God, look at the fate you were spared — the sad spouse trailing along in the shops marriage-policing her unfaithful partner. The person committed to someone who doesn’t commit to them. (Shudder).
Congratulations on your new life and your new marriage where you are cherished.
I think one of the greatest harms of reconciliation is lost time. Time you could’ve spent on a peaceful future without abuse, without “scurrying around trying to keep someone who was never satisfied happy.” Time spent investing in yourself, and in a worthy partner.
I love that you circled back, Real Monkey Love. People graduate from this place, they gain the life, as they should. (Sadly, a new crop of chumps shows up. The traffic never goes down.) There’s nothing like lived experience — struggling people need to know the pain isn’t forever. Affair partners don’t have magic powers of centrality. Be brave, be strong, model mightiness to your children — it pays dividends.
Thank you for joining the chorus of Meh. Thanks for setting an example.
CN, any meh sightings in your life? Ever stumbled into a former Schmoopie?
Happy Tuesday everyone!