The UBT can’t even.
Esther Perel is now a VERB?
Many alert members of Chump Nation sent me this Instagram nugget of crazy in which Vulnerability Influencer Brene Brown teams up with gal pal, cheater apologist Esther Perel to discuss… I’m not clear. Brene’s crumbling marriage? Paradoxes?
I always thought Brene Brown was a bit gooey. But no complaint with her until now. I mean, vulnerability is all very fine with people you trust, but it’s a piss-poor strategy with people you can’t. WTF is this pairing? Did their agents think this up? Is Esther trying to rub up against someone with actual academic credentials?
I am baffled by this promotion. Top billing, huge font! — Esther Perel. Itty bitty font, podcast with Brene Brown. Esther in the firmament above. Brene below. (Wrong finger pointing up, Brene.)
Enough Tracy! Unleash the UBT already!
Sigh. There is not enough Lebkuchen…
I got Esther Perel-ed, y’all.
Meet my new bestie! We got matching blonde highlights and friendship bracelets! Do we both look as if we were extruded from a Karen factory? That’s what it takes to be a white lady influencer in 2021. Esther, can I borrow your sweater?
In a matter of just a few short minutes, she explained how it was that the past 18 months with Steve have been simultaneously the toughest season of our marriage AND a period where we’ve known each other better than we have in three decades.
We’ve been holed up together during a pandemic and I’ll leave you to guess what “toughest season of our marriage” means.
Either Steve leaves the mayonnaise jar open and occasionally irritates me. Or he could no longer conceal his double life.
Guess! As I’m podcasting with the biggest mindfuck in the RIC, you chose correctly if you said “mayonnaise.”
I, as the great Vulnerability Influencer, do not care to share specifics.
She says, “In a couple, it’s a fascinating thing what happens to a paradox. It’s called ‘to split the ambivalence.’”
Garrulous earflaps prepare pierogies for fatuous elephants. Fascinating! More oolong, Bertie?
(I’m sorry, the Universal Bullshit Translator is malfunctioning. I haven’t rotated the tires since the last Esther Perel mindfuck.)
You know what makes paradoxes fascinating? Not explaining them!
That would require clear thought and direct sentences. But I like to toss my word salad with a light vinaigrette of ambivalence.
And in our marriage, Steve and I have been splitting the ambivalence over uncertainty.
We are ambivalent and uncertain about our marriage. Equally! Totally split down the middle. Dutch date.
And the struggle of the pandemic was just the thing to expose it.
It. Whatever It is. His irritating condiment habit. His fuckbuddy Veronica.
I shall only allow myself the anger of a mild expletive. I considered drat and fiddlesticks, but they carried too much judgement, too much toxic shame.
No, with Esther’s wise guidance, I shall eat the shit sandwich of exposure and pronounce my feelings “ambivalent.” Am I uncertain about my marriage? Let’s lead with unvarnished vulnerability and grow from the paradox! I have a small publishing fortune, what could go wrong?
Jeepers creepers. Botheration. Poop.
We’re going steady. Tune into our podcast for more fascinating paradoxes.