Cell Phone Names for FWs
By popular request, today’s Friday Challenge is… What do you call your ex on your cell phone?
Blocky McBlockface? Do Not Answer?
Do you have a special ringtone? (Hells Bells by AC/DC comes to mind…)
In an ideal world, you’d just rock the total no contact, but many are still in the grey rock trenches and need some sanity hacks. Like clever insults on your contact lists.
Is this meh? Probably not. But hey, whatever gets you to Tuesday.
So, CN — what’s on your phone?
TGIF!
We have a son so I cant go no contact but its very mininal for sure. His name in my phone is Cheater Asshole. And his picture is a picture of a literal asshole.
Mine is listed as “Wusband” so he’d be at the bottom of the contact list, and his picture is that poop emoji!
I have “EX Husband – leading suspect in the event of my untimely death”.
And for some reason I cannot recall, there’s a piece of corral for his photo.
Maybe I was thinking “grey rock”.
Look I know this is sad and infantile but seriously it gives me a really cheap laugh OVER and OVER again.
Pooey McPooface. No prizes for guessing what I used for the “photo” ????
The shark emoji
Which really helped
And then I have him on total mute and silent so that if he does communicate it doesn’t startle me and I will see it on my own time being
This is because Between mediation and the signing of our divorce decree he was sending me numerous really aggressive, really nasty, really demanding, threatening texts. And they were really upsetting me.
We have adult children So I don’t want to block him completely
Same!! Shark emoji, mute and silent, don’t see texts unless I’m in the app. Very helpful!
I used the poo-moji for my ex’s photo too! It has his name but his employer is “shithead”. Unfortunately, my son saw the picture attached for his dad’s name and asked about it :/
Voldemort
I called mine that for awhile until my friend pointed out that gave him too much credit. I changed it to Gilderoy Lockhart as that seemed more apt. Lol.
Kids call their father when talking to me ‘he who shall not be named’ .
mine, too!
My kids have used that as well!
That’s what I call the neighbour who poisoned our puppy. Big help after Mr McPooface skipped off into the sunset leaving our kids heartbroken. More grief, just what they needed.
bag of salt spread on their yard….juvenile , yes , but sooo satisfying…
Oh my God. That evil fucker needs to die!
Oh my God. I am so sorry! ????
I hope there is a hell when I hear things like this. An extra crispy eternally torturous hell.
Oh my, I hope you are pressing charges against your neighbor. That is just terrible!
Mine is labeled Parasite and thank you CL for the picture for todays caption cuz “Assface” pic above is what I have as his default photo on my phone ????
Two thumbs up for Parasite!
His name is just Dude, indicating he’s just some dude, nobody who means anything to me. The ring tone is a mournful sounding harmonica because, like all covert narcs, he’s whiny little bitch. He feels victimized by facts and reality. Poor sausage.
Harmonica + whiny little bitch ????
Currently Arsehole. Previously Him or kids dad.
Mine is Daniel Cheating F*ckface. I enjoy it immensely when I get the “woe is me I can’t afford to pay you the money I owe because I’m still unemployed” email from that name.
Mine is labeled Pinocchio. Ringtone is “Lips Are Movin’”.
Ohhhh, love the ringtone ! I might have to get that one too.
Ohh, Pinocchio. I like that one. Mine is LSOS for lying sack of shit.
No clever name but her picture is the Kobayashi Maru. It reminds me that the only good response is no response.
IG –
I love your references. You’re deep, brother.
No-win – this is brilliant!
I used to label him Ex-hole until kids noticed and told him. He threw a fit (sad sausage) and of course got the kids involved.
So I changed his name to Reverend (insert his first name and last name). ????. Calling him by his full title reminds me (and my kids if they glance at my phone) how ridiculous it is that he’s still serving in ministry. Seeing the title also makes his continuous narcissistic assholery via text especially ironic.
I had Douchecanoe’s name in my phone as A$$drew for a bit because he’s a real ass. The $$ signs represented all the money I’ve wasted defending and winning against years of his nonsense litigation. I didn’t want my kids to see that so I changed it to just his initials – he doesn’t even get the benefit of a full name.
In texts about him to my friends I refer to him as Douchecanoe or DC. It took a couple of months to train my phone not to question this. Now I only need to type D-O-U and it auto-fills the rest.
Same here initials. 1. For my daughter who sees my phone, I model appropriate phone usage not cheater hide a phone. 2. He used initials for all his other women, reminds me why I am greyrock.
I initially had cheateraholic but didn’t want my daughter to see.
His picture is my Zen running place. Helps me refocus and stay level.
Yeah… my kid noticed that I used Klootzak. Thankfully, he didn’t mention it to klootzak but asked me what it was. I just looked and went, “Huh. Weird,” and changed it back in front of him.
Before I was able to block him, he was “Asshat Himself “. His ringtone was Gives You Hell by The All American Rejects.
Love that song!
I wish I could get Ha ha You’re Dead by Green Day as a ring tone. It’s my theme song for my liberation from the fw.
“Ha ha you’re dead
The joke is over
You were an asshole
And now you’re gone
When you’re ship is going down
I’ll stand by and watch you down
Ha ha you’re dead
Ha ha you’re dead
Ha ha you’re dead”
????
My Chemical Romance’s Black Parade cd was some of the BEST therapy I had in the first year post Dday.
“I’m Not Okay” gave me permission to be Not o-f**king-kay, which was gloriously played “at 11” as I drove down the highways.
And “You’re Dead” was my ANTHEM! The energy of it still lifts me out of whatever mood I’m in. I don’t want to harm him or anyone, but imagining him dead makes me smile.
Yep, I imagine him dead with maggots crawling all over him, in an unmarked grave and with no mourners. Whatever works.
Love it! Fuck you by Lily Allen has been my mantra with asshat
???? Downloading this now.
Asshole with a pic of a sad clown for his profile.
His name is “Lying Cheater” and his face is that of “The Picture of Dorian Gray” but with half of the face decayed and bones and sinew exposed.
Carol the Beguiled, as she is easily manipulated by snake oil salesmen.
This really good! This name is spot-on and powerful because it will always remind you of her nature and depth.
I blocked him in August of 2019. It was one of my finest moments. I snatched back my power and said “No More.” with that action. No Contact has reduced him to sending me a postcard with his last stupid questions. A postcard, written in pencil which I promptly sent to my Lawyer. I told him if I found out he was cheating again I’d never speak to him again and I meant that.
I usually refer to him as LTC Fuckface. He is one of those Veterans that always wears some indicator of his prior service. You wouldn’t talk to him for five minutes without discovering his rank and years in service. He lies, cheats and steals all while presenting himself as an honorable service member. He earned the label fuckface in the contacts of my mind.
To the newly chumped, these cheaters are like the boggart in the wardrobe in the Harry Potter Books. Laugh at them and they are diminished.
Apparently we all married the same fuckwit!
My carbon copy is a Major and somehow I have completely missed the golden opportunity to use this in any of the many things I have (mostly not to his face) called him. I feel like Major Ego would be appropriate for someone who was denied a command-track job for being too arrogant, within a pool of some of the most arrogant people on the planet.
Or maybe Major Entitlement since he saw fit to come home and tell me he found out why he was not selected (so I would validate him of course). Can’t remember if this was before or after the cheating I eventually discovered, but still… Is it not the height of arrogance to come crying for kibbles from the wife you are cheating on/about to cheat on. And of course stupid me was like “Oh surely they just don’t understand you.” ???????????? Chumpety chump chump!
Same, ex purposely wear something that indicated he was in the military with the intention of getting someone to thank him for his service or ask him about it so he could talk about himself.
His voice would change, to sound important, as if he was in charge of the Air Force.
I should have laughed at him instead of walking away rolling my eyes.
Mine has a tattoo that says death before dishonor. I told him he has no honor and he should kill himself or at least cut his fucking arm off. Master Sargent Shithead.
Omg! This is hilarious!
Mine is called AssWipe with a picture of a fresh, steaming pile of shit.
“He lies, cheats and steals all while presenting himself as an honorable service member.”
Same with my fw. He had such a con job perfected not just to me but to the community and to the mayor.
Unfortunately I couldn’t do anything about it, but the mayor could, and did. I will always have fondness for that mayor (now deceased) for the actions he took.
“He lies, cheats, steals, all while presenting himself as an honorable service member.”
This is an accurate description of ex. Ex refers to himself as an officer and gentleman.
He wear t-shirts or baseball hats with an Air Force emblem hoping someone will thank him for his service. Ex goes into his false modesty act. It always made me feel uncomfortable and I didn’t know why until now. He’s an imposter.
He honors no one other than himself.
Everything he does has a motive that benefits his agenda.
When he was in the service I wondered why the other servicemen in his squadron distanced themselves from ex. He wasn’t invited him to get togethers they’d have outside of work.
One of many red flags I ignored.
I despise people who use their service record to get narcissistic supply. What a prize asshat.
Kids Father. Nothing fancy or exciting but sums up all he is my life at this point ????????♀️
I do sometimes think of changing my listing for FW XW from NPDC to “Baby Momma,” since that’s effectively what she reduced herself to in my life w/her cowardly, disgusting cheating. I think if I ever do have to talk w/her again (at the kid’s graduations or at weddings, under societal pressure of course!????), this is what I will call her to her face. The explanation as to why I call her that will be waiting if she’s stupid enough to ask. I know, I know, I shouldn’t. But it gives me a laugh. Probably won’t happen anyway. I’m not looking for it to happen. Mostly.???? I’m happy to say I’ve been NC/hard grey rock for at least the last two years. Fly away FW. Don’t bother me anymore.
I have this too. It’s all he is to me, the only reason why we’re still in contact, or he would be wiped. He must have seen it as some point and changed my contacts to match (I saw emails come through from him with this as the tag for my email at some point later). Then again, I suppose he was always an unoriginal POS all along.
X
Just one letter. To remind me he is not my friend.
????
I have an entire contact group called X, which represents any of his clan or anyone affiliated with him who would need to be in my contacts still for any reason.
Same. “k” is the letter I use.
It’s tge first letter of her name, but a nice reminder b/f I pick up to respond as little as possible.
First initial and last name.
All in lower case.
#LIAR #CHEATER #FRAUD
Cowardly Lyons (his last name).
Puntastic!
I have the emojis a zombie, a dancer, and a shark to remind me of important lessons. Long story about the learning and understanding I gained behind those, but the basic gist is that I wanted to remind myself of who he is and to not be fooled but any of his superficial surface niceness.
Zombie-the man I thought I knew is gone. This man may look like him, sound like him, etc, but he got bitten, turned, and is dead.
Dance-if I resist him, I’ll get hurt. If I do a little step to the side and don’t engage with his ‘dance’ of manipulation it’s easy to get away unhurt.
Shark-he may convince everyone else with his impression management, but I know who he truly is, and the cold, unemotional attacks he’s capable of that no one else sees under the surface be presents.
I call him POS. I used it a lot when my son was younger so he didn’t know who I was talking about if on the phone with friends etc. Not the most imaginative.
Fortunately POS has landed himself in prison recently for his 6th DUI, so we won’t be bothered by him any time soon. My son also has only bad memories of him and isn’t interested in seeing or hearing from him in the slightest.
I will say this is inspiring me to consider a more creative name. TGIF!
Whoa, El Chico. Were we married to twin sons of different mothers?? Your ex FW sounds almost exactly like mine: number of DUIs, non existent relationship with his son. Sad that this is a common narrative.
Or TGIT for those who have reached Meh and have to maintain Minimal Contact?
“Thank God It’s Tuesday”
Good morning CN!!!
“Egg Donor”.
I’m total NO CONTACT but if/ when I’m in Grey Rock territory I’ll keep it simple. Maybe even just do her Blood Type. Ugh. No need for her to call.
“Egg donor.” Very nice.????????
I avoided last minute having a kid with fw, but if we’d have kids I’d definitely call him ‘Sperm donor’. Because that’s really the only positive point I can now see in him (it).
But now, he’s just gone! First blocked and now deleted completely. My address book is clean & disinfected ^^
Dear Giraffy,
You dodged that bullet— my sister tells me I should tell myself this “I gave her 3 amazing gifts and her serial cheating is not my concern. I was just a sperm donor.” It stings cuz I love my children but I guess it’s true.
Have a great weekend.
Yeah I can imagine that must sting. It was what she wanted at the moment and you served her in that way.. I even believe my fw was extra surprised because I left him even though he was willing to provide me his superior sperm. (He already had kids and initially ran away when he imagined that I would want one with him.) It’s funny how he imagined me to reason in the same transactional way as he did.
On the other side, now I’m probably too old to still have kids, which is a whole other thing to deal with as well, I have to admit.
Good weekend to you too!
Pure Evil…. hence the screen name.
SATAN
Pure Evil just divorced the OM and said he was the biggest idiot she ever met. Both losers if you ask me. The bitch took my name back. She had her own when I met her. She should have used that one.
My name for my ex is simply “the ex.” I used to use “Satan” or “Beelzebub,” somewhat jokingly. But then I realized there was no reason to give her that much emotional weight anymore. “The ex” is sufficient.
I always called my ex by a shortened version of his name. So now I have his full name as his contact, cos I don’t really associate it with him, and it feels like a different person. (And if the kids see it pop up, it won’t get me in trouble).
The contact picture I am rather proud of though. It’s Cartman (South Park) wearing a nice sweater, as it’s all I can think of when he’s pretending to be nice. Just an arsehole, wearing a nice sweater, thinking that makes him nice. Keeps me amused!
Careful, I used to use “Liar McCheaterpants”, but I have younger daughters who did see that and it was exceedingly difficult to explain.
Same. I have an extra letter misspelling his name purposefully because I know that would annoy the piss out of him… and my very observant young teen son even caught that! I told him I just haven’t bothered to correct it…. I’m leaving it misspelled. But if I had put a nasty nickname, my kid definitely would have seen it.
In some ways I like to call FW by his name and AP by her name. It takes away any power or triggering their names had.
I agree. The problem is that his name is a trigger, so I don’t want it on my contact list.
At first he was PsychoNarc, but my lawyer advised me to change it in case he needed to use the text records I sent him.
Now, he’s “nobody.” I don’t worry about my kids seeing it because they’re 20 and 17, and they’re not fond of him. Besides, who could have a problem with “nobody”?
This^^. I have just the FWs name listed. That way any calls and texts can be attributed to him for evidence in court if necessary (we have minor children). Listing him as anything else makes him special and he is not. I didn’t even change his picture. He is just another contact. Meh.
I feel the same way. Giving FW and Wifetress a mean name (outside of CN) just didn’t work for me. Even worse, it triggered me.
I also didn’t want my kids to see any mean names for their father pop up on my screen.
I didn’t want my adult children to see it either. I put the letters LR after his name to remind me that he is a liar but it would be meaningless to anyone else who saw a message light up.
For a time he was Lying Shit, now simply The Liar on my contacts. I generally call him cuntweasel and thanks to the older kids wanting nothing to do with him I am completely no contact anyway ????
Love your ChumpNation name.
And glad you got the cats!
S Asshole short for Saintly Asshole. Got this from a self help book I read around the time he left. Describes a person who leaves to help others leaving chaos behind as all support is withdrawn from the previous situation.
Last seen at eldest son’s passing out parade 3 years ago. Total no contact.
Ha, I use “The Cowardly Liar”, have for years! Not in my phone, though, but just in general. Good to see I’m in good company!
This is gold ????
“Assface-Fucktard Cheater” (name Est. DDay 07/09/16) Successfully and permanently blocked since divorce was finalized 12/21/17!
Judas Iscariot
I have my ex’s name as Judas- because Judas betrayed Jesus- it always makes me giggle- although I have hardly any contact- I do have two daughters- they are older but he still does stupid things like not pay school loans on time-
I’ll be back with my lawyer if he continues!
My best friend and I also sometimes refer to him as Slim Shady.
Love both of these!
Slim Shady, lol!
I actually deleted the contact not long ago. He hasn’t called or texted in over two years. My attorney said to keep everything on email to ensure that we had a record, so that was the only way I was communicating with him. That said, it’s been a while. Maybe he gave up at long last?
Canker Blossom (it’s from a Shakespearean insulting-quotes mug one of my sisters got me shortly after he blew up my life)
I used Capn Cheaterpants, which helped. Then, I realized it would display that way on my car’s panel & my (teenage) daughter would see it. So, I tried changing it.
I used to call him Boss Hogg bc he bought Schmoopie some “Daisy Duke” cutoff shorts.
Here in Meh, I get to ignore his ignorant ass!
Barbed Wire Monkey
I’m so not original. His is Fuckwit.
I added Fucktard to his first name, so now he has two, like a “Billy Bob” but more fitting for him. It was earned, not just given!
It’s Kucktard. And her photo is a piece of CL artwork.
Gutless, Weak, Coward. He proved it again when he sent a full on whole house moving truck for his things that would have fit in a van. I had dumped his clothes in the office waiting room 2.5 years ago when I filed.
Mad Dog – it described his demeanor and it was his first and middle initials – the bonus meaning is the sideways reference to MD 20/20 also known as Mad Dog- both he and the alcohol are bottom shelf and leave my head spinning.
Oops, posted this twice and this was not a reply to SandyFeet. I should never use my phone to post LOL.
Johnny Bravo
^love that 🙂
It used to be FUT for f**king useless twit. But changed to FOTY Surprise. Sarcastically, father of the year “surprise” because now that our court order says he negotiates with the kids for visiting time etc. Needless to say, it’s a surprise if he ever makes the effort.
Funny how they don’t spend time with their kids unless they have to. Mine wants the parenting order dropped with our last child. She’s independent and outspoken like me and now that her sister is away at school I’m sure the time he spends with her is long and painful. He didn’t take her for any of his four weeks of summer parenting time for the past 2 years despite going on vacation with Schmoopie and her kids and he saw her only briefly during his spring and winter break time. So the request to drop the order is for his sake not hers. He doesn’t want the obligation any more.
I’m keeping the order in place until she emancipates but allowing all the accommodations she requests – which always have her staying home with me. Him barely exercising his scheduled parenting time and never asking for alternate/additional time shows the court and his kids just what kind of father he is.
This sounds like my FW. The killer is that they don’t just replace us. They replace the kids. I’m happy that I get my daughter 99% of the time, but I hate the message he’s sending and how it’s probably going to manifest in her adult relationships. As if the cheating and lying, etc. weren’t bad enough, but to live this nightmare through my daughter’s experience of his narcissism is utter torture.
This is the most painful outcome of procreating with a FUT. Having to watch the kids learn that he’s a FUT. if people do what’s important to them, how can the children not be damaged by the knowledge that they weren’t even on FUTs radar.
When Mr. Sparkles first left and I discovered CL and CN… he was Mr. Sparkles on my phone. Then, as I learned more and more about narcissistic personality disorders and sociopathology, I changed it to Ted Bundy. Now, he’s Mr. Grey 1968… the name he used(uses) on his online personal ads (even though he is engaged to his newest victim)… helps me remember that he didn’t get a personality transplant… he isn’t “better” for the new woman… he is and will always be a cheater.
Mr. Gray is also the name of the alien that takes over Jonesy’s body/mind in Dreamcatcher. I’m guessing your ex was possibly using it as a 50 Shades reference but I feel like the alien thing is much more fitting.
My kids use my phone sometimes and I wouldn’t want them to see any mean names but, if I’m being honest, I never used a mean nickname for him ever. Only here in CN do I use the term FW.
Back in the earlier days, I struggled with what to call him on my cell. In the end I decided he would get no name and no photo. He would just be a phone number. At first it was because I was heartbroken and didn’t ever want to see his name pop up on my screen because I wanted to think of him as little as possible (which was hard!) hence letting him stay just a number.
Later on I went through this phase of asking my friends and family to please *not* call him any bad names in front of me. I was in the middle of divorcing him but I still loved him a bit and he was still the father of my kids and everytime I heard a mean name applied to him it didn’t lift me up… it made me crack, start to cry, and would remind me all over again that I had married an unempathtic adulter. I didn’t feel like I was standing up for him or protecting his honor (although I guess I kindof was) but all I knew was that hearing him being called something mean made me feel bad about myself. So… boundaries, I guess. I asked my friends and parents to stop with the insulting names. They grumbled a bit but stopped right away, which I find absolutely incredible and supportive. (My favourite nickname from that era was Dingledick. A friend used to call him Dingledick in her texts and it made me laugh for a few days but when I started to cry all the time, seeing that insulting but very appropriate name, I asked her to stop and, to her sweet credit, she stopped right away.)
The meanest I’ve decided to get is to address him by a shorter version of his name. He always disliked how the shortened version of his name sounded and preferred the full version, so, when we were married, I always called him by his full name. Now I shorten it. Not a revenge that’s best served cold by any means, but it’s what I’m comfortable with.
Sorry for the diary entry. This was a good and thoughtful Friday prompt about nicknames. I love hearing everyone’s cell phone names for their FWs. Sharing our anger, pain, and, yes, even our funny nicknames for these unrepentant cheaters is healing! I wish we could all go on some sort of cruise together and chat about all this stuff in person but this will do.
Does my X deserve a mean nickname on my phone? Absolutely. Is my X one of the luckiest cheaters on the planet because I don’t particularly want to call him names and have encouraged my family not to call him names (at least around me). Probably, yeah. Do I do any of this for him because I respect him and still think highly of him? Heck no! I decided, for myself, that insulting him didn’t make me feel better. It gave my sorrow a name, reminded me who he was and what he did, and centralized it in my life all over again. I didn’t need that or want that. I didn’t want to be reminded that Dingledick was a Dingledick.
So, he’s just his phone number in my phone. One of the very few frequent contacts who has “no identity.” Right up there with the other unknowns or unwanted telemarketers. It’s a psychological trick, I know, but identifying him as a set of numbers instead of as a name–even a deserved nickname–helped me to decentralize and dehumanize him. It was the start of my disengagement. He’s still, now, just a set of numbers to me, just like any other loose-ends administrative phone contact that doesn’t deserve a name–not even a mean one.
I’m not a big name-caller either (which is why I only changed XW’s picture). I’ve never called my XW a name – ever. Not once, not even in the worst days of the discard, to her face or to anyone else. When I get angry I just use enunciate more and use longer words; my XW regularly accuses me of being hostile and aggressive, but it’s not because I’m calling her names but rather because I am being formally polite. I don’t think she understands how good she has it.
“I don’t think she understands how good she has it.”
Same. Fuckwit accused me of punishing him because he was enduring natural consequences, like me not wanting to talk to him, and people finding out he cheated when he moved and I didn’t.
I just laughed. Clearly he underestimates my imagination, if he thought that was punishment. Not just mean contact names, whole memes…I have Photoshop, FFS. I think I was showing remarkable restraint.
Yes, he never knew how good he had it. I think he spent the entirety of our relationship waiting for me to use a racial slur at him, that he saw it as inevitable and judged me guilty for speaking them even though I never did in all our 29 years.
I probably fight more fairly and respectfully than anyone I know, I always maintain my composure and almost never say anything mean that I later try to “take back”. Even with the luxury of me never being mean to him, when we fought, he complained about my “tone” (which was likely similar to yours) when we argued….as if all other humans didnt have a tone in fights hahaha.
The worst thing I ever said to Cheater during a fight (about buying a care we didnt need and could not afford) was that his prior car purchase was “stupid” (it really was…ghastly stupid…we paid for it for years). For that one remark, he started smashing things in the house. I didnt know in the moment that it was his last rage.
I attribute my self control in arguments to my alcoholic mother…as a child I learned that if I said what I thought in an argument, my punishment would be severe. so I learned not to.
If I had learned of the magnitude of his cheating while he was still alive, I would have likely dropped the gauntlet and called him a “fucking coward” as he was demonstrably both things, but that day never came.
Yea, back when this was all happening and I was smoking hopium, I asked the few friends who knew to not call him names. we were reconciled when he died (well before I knew of the chronic cheating). My kids would be heartsick to hear me speak ill of him, se he is Major Cheaterpants here but respectful names otherwise.
I always thought that if he and OW had worked out, I could amuse myself by coming up with a new disparaging name for her every time I interacted with them. It remained a fantasy as they ended their liaison at some point. A little part of me wishes I could have used some of my clever names for her (and Im sure names for him would have developed) but we know that our anger should be directed at the cheater and this fantasy was in a former stage of my development that Ive matured past.
I will throw in that my racist mom (who knows not a single detail of any abuse or cheating – not a single one…learning he was a bad husband would have made her gleeful in reinforcing her racial stereotypes) calls him “the Mexican bastard” and said it in front of our kids after he died. Her inappropriateness knows no bounds.
First name: Colon
Last name: Oscopy
Because he is just another routine pain the a$$.
Ha. Will remember that one
Hahahaha
Community Dick
Good one!
I never had it in my cell phone but my friends and I call him shitty toupee guy.
He wears a cheap jet black toupee that he’s had for at least 20 years. He’s now 66 and all of his body hair is grey, even the little bit on the sides of his head, but that shitty toupee is still jet black. And it doesn’t blend so it’s really obvious.
Since I divorced him I’ve had a number of people tell me that people make fun of him behind his back.
I almost felt sorry for him. By then I hit myself upside the head with an imaginary 2×4 and reminded myself these lying, cheating assholes don’t deserve any warm fuzzy.
I see my ex out running sometimes as we don’t love far apart. All i see is a saggy old pathetic guy who I know can’t get it up, is as fucking phony as they come, and can’t get rid of his shitty toupee.
Part of me does feel bad, but not enough to talk to him.
How does that work with running, the little rug bopping up and down on his head ? ????????????????????
Mr. Rug on the Head !
As the original writer of the Valentine verse Ode to Arseface…he’s still Arseface in my phone but only so I can keep him blocked.
Update. I ran into his sister,who I always liked and who was appalled by his actions. So…he and exit OW broke up.
Turned out she was a greedy gold digger.
Only took him a few years to work that out. He was cheating on her too apparently. He monkey branched on to someone 20 + years younger. Probably thought he was the dog’s bollox because of that age gap.She dumped him because, guess what,he cheated on her. Quelle surprise.
Now he’s engaged to someone who he only knew for a couple of months,who apparently drinks too much and has a nasty temper.
Karma is indeed a bitch.
Is it meh if I enjoyed hearing about the shitshow. Probably not but whatever.
I think you can be meh but still enjoy an asshole getting what he truly deserves. It happens so rarely and should be savored like a fine wine.
Maybe it’s a good sign that it’s been so long I couldn’t immediately remember. Yay no contact! Anywhoo— WACKJOB
He’s been Lance Armstrong (extra applicable as he is Mr. Bike Poser).
“Dean McDermott”
I used Chris Watts’ picture for the photo.
The long time moniker has been and is currently Biff Kenda. Biff has a double meaning; it stands for Biff Tannen, from Back the Future, and also BIFF, Brief Informative Friendly and Firm, a reminder of how to speak to him, from genius Bill Eddy.
“Kenda” is for Lt Joe Kenda, mr favorite detective, who reminds me to stay ice cold civil, listen carefully while BIFF talks because perps will pay out a lot of rope to hang themselves with, all while kicking ass and taking names.
My daughter had asked me, “Why do you call him Lance Armstrong?” I said it was because he loves riding his bike.
I found it most helpful to come up with a name that reminded me how to speak to him….too often I was hooked in the unproductive old patterns before I knew what happened. If one person changes the pattern the other one can’t play, and if there is anything I want it’s positive change for ME.
Anything you say can and will be used against you by cheaters, so my strategy has been to keep it to what I can say in polite company. If I stay on the high road, no one can touch me.
I keep a list of possible monikers for Benedict OJ Madoff and his cohorts on Lists in my phone. The one I use currently to reference any f**kbuddies is “the accomplice”.
No special ringtones. If it’s anything other than the sound of a phone ringing, I forget to answer it.
His middle name is “Franz”. At one time I used his full name in my contacts using Fraud as the middle name.
I am especially fond of monikers which are a riff on their real names.
Benedict OJ Madoff….that is creative and hilarious.
I have a daughter, so it’s just Lili’s Dad with the Darth Vader March ringtone.
I also used his real name, all caps, but with a period after each letter because I made an acronym for it:
Missing Integrity Kindness and Empathy.
That way I could use his real name, but it means something totally different when I say it. I did the same with the name of the accomplice I knew about.
I actually have to call him something different than his real name. It helps break the spell of who I thought he was. His name has 27 years of positive associations with it. My brain needs all the help it can get reminding me who he really is. So I refer to him as Benedict OJ Madoff if I am not around my daughter.
But I definitely recommend creating an acronym out of their real name so you can say their name around your children but the secret meaning helps you.
This is genius Velvet. Ok I just changed his name in phone using periods. I came up with:
Pathetic (his favourite word to describe others)
Abandoner
Unscrupulous
Liar
Pathetic Psychotic
Adulterous Abandoner Asshole
Unscrupulous
Lying Loser
OMG! Thanks for this idea, VH.
I’m having a little too much fun creating an acronym. It’s as if his parents named him with this conversion in mind.
I’ve been using GM (garbage man), which is something my sister came up with. But it doesn’t empower me. I think the acronym will. ????
This is genius! I’m going to do it!
When I filed, I used Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” for his ringtone. I’m now 100% No Contact, so there’s no photo, no ringtone. Nothing. Just like he thought of me. I was nothing.
But, I do have a ringtone for my counsel—“I Got My Name Changed Back” by the Pistol Annies
He’s Fuckwit on my phone but haven’t communicated for three years. If I’m chatting to anyone about him he’s referred to as Mr , then his Surname, I did this all through the divorce and on documents, he hated it, I refuse to use his first name anymore. Thank god I don’t have OW number but if I did she’d be in my phone as Twatwaffle.