The other night when I was questioning my husband for the umpteenth time since D-Day, he said his counselor advised him not to falsely confess to having sex with someone to make me “feel better.” He said he would not let me pressure him into a false confession.
Is this even a thing in infidelity? Would a counselor even say this?
I have no idea. There are a lot of infidelity quacks out there who say the darnedest things.
That said, it’s entirely likely your cheating husband is just making up an “authority” excuse with which to manipulate you. He doesn’t want to answer your questions. So, he says his shrink won’t allow him to answer such questions.
Who are YOU to question the Great and Powerful Therapist?
Back in your box. Be a good chump and shut up.
See how that works?
Let’s untangle this very weird sentence:
he said his counselor advised him not to falsely confess to having sex with someone to make me “feel better.”
How on earth would hearing that your husband is fucking around make you feel better?
Oh right, you’re the Inquisition and you thrill to extracting false confessions from your victims. Heresy! To the rack!
Essentially, you’re a sadist and he’s a poor sausage.
It’s classic DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim/Offender.
He didn’t cheat on you, no, he’s the target of a cruel witch hunt. Oh, and his therapist (who only he sees and hears and is bound by confidentiality) sides with him!
Next weird sentence:
He said he would not let me pressure him into a false confession.
You had a D-Day. So, somehow you discovered he was cheating. He’s not going to give away his power and answer your questions truthfully, i.e, “confess.” He will not confirm or deny what you know. No, the best defense is a good offense. HOW DARE YOU QUESTION HIM! He will not submit to this unjust pressure! It will not stand!
He is a noble sausage making a principled stand and you are an unhinged harpy.
Adrienne, I think you need to take a step back. Your husband doesn’t want to answer your questions.
Let’s say you are, in fact, an unhinged harpy, who delights in extracting confessions, and wants gory details of fictional sex your innocent husband has with others.
Imagine how a loving partner would respond to that situation.
“Oh my God, Adrienne, it pains me to think you have these fears. What can I do to assure you?” And then that loving partner would be transparent — please! Look at my phone, our accounts, my calendar. We are partners, we have no secrets from one another.
If you persisted in your deranged paranoia, the next step would be to see a therapist TOGETHER. Not a singular therapist, alone, but together to figure out you both could feel safer in this marriage.
Why isn’t he doing that? IMO, because that problem (your unwarranted suspicion) isn’t the real problem. His advantage in an abusive power dynamic (cheating, lying, gaslighting you) is the problem.
You’re clearly so addled by this exchange with your husband that you’re writing to a stranger on the Internet to make sense of it.
Trust your senses. It doesn’t make sense.
Do you want to be in this kind of marriage? Do you feel safe?
Imagine letting go of the struggle for answers, and letting him keep his secrets. Alone.