I feel like I am reporting to my mom after doing something horribly wrong and looking for her to tell me it will be okay.
It’s been years since my ex and I broke up, we haven’t even talked, he does not see our kids at all (the OW doesn’t want him talking to me therefore the kids must be out as well.)
So it has been easy to stay no contact really, it felt like I had gotten to MEH. He was happy with the girl he left me with, while I was devastated at the time, the healing process began and recently I have been the happiest I had ever been, a girl honestly thought she had reached MEH.
I was happy with my children doing everything by myself, being in control of my own feelings, not being with an abuser, manipulator, asswipe — so tell me why when he calls me at 1 a.m. on my birthday to have birthday sex I SAY YES.
AHHHH, am I doomed? Has all the progress I made been ruined? Has my life gone to hell? Was this just revenge sex in some weird sick way to get back at the OW? And the worst part of it all was I did not even enjoy it, lol.
Chump Lady tell it to me straight did I ruin the progress I made?
No, you’re not doomed. You’re just temporarily insane. Get yourself tested (you don’t know where that thing has been, I’m sure you’re not the only special birthday girl he bootie calls). Dust yourself off, and get back on the no contact wagon.
Sleeping with your cheater ex is performing the Pick Me Dance naked. (Cue Diana Ross “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me“). And I’m sure it’s absolutely top-shelf kibble for him. You’re the taboo one now. He’s “forbidden” from speaking with you, so what a way to demonstrate to both of you You’re Not the Boss of Him? He’s fucking you behind her back, and rejecting you again, going back to her. Oh, the delicious cake! The centrality!
One incredibly stupid decision does not a doomed person make. Figure out what your motivation was, and shut that shit down. Bargaining stage of grief? Like, if I can’t have my intact family, I’ll settle for side dish? Grieve, but don’t touch him with a barge pole. Did you think you could flip the script and use him? Do you really want to be one of those shallow creatures who uses people?
Revenge on OW? Why be dragged down to her level? The best revenge is letting her HAVE him.
Seriously, let her live with the paranoia and the relationship policing. The devaluing. If she was okay being the affair partner to a guy with kids, let her puke on that carnival ride.
Now I’m stuck with the ethical dilemma if whether you should tell her. I’m sure she didn’t give you that consideration. But, STDs. I’d err on the side of telling her. Not in a spiteful, spike-it-over-the-net way, but in a “I’m sorry you should know” way. Screen shot that 1 a.m. text.
She already knew he was a cheater. But she probably thought she was special. She may not believe you, and that doesn’t really matter. He already doesn’t have a relationship with the kids (and that should be mediated by the court, not his complicated love rhombuses.) What do you have to lose?
Your dignity? That got fucked on your birthday.
Now, going forward (bathe in Borax, delouse, have a week of scalding hot showers…) straighten up and fly right. There are a bunch of innocent horny men out there who’d probably be thrilled to have recreational sex with you. You don’t need your loser ex.
Block his number. Parenting software. Boundaries.
Now go to your room and no video games for a week. It will be okay.