Better Days Ahead 2022 Edition
Good morning Chump Lady.
I am feeling particularly strong today and thought I’d like to share some encouragement for those just starting their journey. As a backstory, I’m almost four years post D-Day and a little over a year post divorce. When I think back to those first two years, when my world was chaos, it was always music and beauty that got me through.
I was thinking, it would be amazing to have everyone post the songs that got them through, to inspire the next crew. There were many songs I relied on to get me through, but today I was listening to Dua Lipa’s Salt. It is probably not a song for everyone, but together, we definitely have something to offer all tastes.
Also, for what it is worth, as an added encouragement, I was 40, professionally successful, by the accounts of others very attractive, a loving mother of three, and highly educated, when I discovered my ex was frequenting massage parlors for sexual favors. Cheaters cheat, not because of anything that us chumps are lacking. It is never about us. Never about something we were lacking. I know you say this regularly, but I’m saying it again, because it is so important to moving on.
S
Dear S,
Thank you for the encouragement for new chumps and for the Friday Challenge idea. I’d also like to know during these difficult times, what’s getting everyone through? What is the soundtrack of your mighty? Got a Spotify list?
To those of you on Spotify, I made my own little playlist below. Imagine you’re trapped in a car with your uncool aunt Chump Lady — this is what we’re listening to. (My tastes were anachronistic even when I was a young person. I spared you the high church Anglican choral music.) I could do lugubrious or righteous fuck off songs, but I put this together with positive YOU CAN DO IT vibes.
The final aria is Shemekia Copeland — a 7 minute triumph of “It Don’t Hurt No More.”
And that’s what I wish for everyone in this New Year. No more hurt. Better days ahead.
Happy New Year to you all!
Tracy
Right now it’s “All You Had To Do Was Stay” by Taylor Swift since my STBX has been telling me how much he loves and misses me and that I was gold and he lost it. I also like:
Truth Hurts – Lizzo
Good As Hell – Lizzo
Stronger – Kelly Clarkson
Wide Awake – Katy Perry
And lots more!
Thank you both! I had a few songs that helped. I also avoided all Country songs (so many country cheater songs!) … and all things Sinatra (FW’s Favorite).
But the one song that helped me most is one my friend recommended when I was venting to her one day:
Let It Be (The Beatles).
When Paul McCartney was struggling as The Beatles were nearing their end… Paul had a dream that his mother (who had died about 10 years prior) came to him and told him to just “let it be.” And he’s said that it brought him a sense of calm. He sat at his piano and wrote it.
When I was feeling at my worst, I’d sing “Let It Be” to myself. I still do.
“Let it Be” is my song, too.
When my dad died, I couldn’t process it. It took me about ten years, and then he came to me in a dream, and said, “You can’t maintain it” (meaning the grief.) He said, “You’ve gotta let it go.” In the dream, it reminded me of the words to “Let it Be…”
I’d agree that there are far too many cheater Country and Western songs, but I can recommend one. The Band Perry’s DONE.
https://youtu.be/4emYaDbaJ8w
This was one of my top songs for my divorce.
ExWifeofSparkleDick — oh yes! I love DONE by the Band Perry!
For me it was the entire soundtrack of Rent.
Lauren Daigle “Rescue”
King and Country “God only knows”
Lizzo “Good as hell”
Katie Perry “Roar”
Those are the top 4 i can think of. I love music and being cheated on it has taken me awhile to like listening to radio and such because so many songs bring back memories. But 3.5 years post D day and 2.5 divorced. Im thriving and so are my 3 kids.
I am also a fan of “Roar.”
I used to like listening to music and dancing around the house and singing. Klootzak doesn’t like people singing along with songs and pooh poohed music I like to the point I just stopped listening to it. Just listening to music and singing with it will be healing for me.
Yes, Christina-its a new day! Roar by Kay Perry makes me feel so strong!!!
Praying —Kesha
That woman has been dealing with an abusive fuckwit (and industry) for years and is still fighting hard.
Yes!!!!!!! Especially the part “some say you’re going to get what you give, but some things only god can forgive”.
Somebody that I used to know-Gotye
Bury me-Thirty Seconds to Mars
Apologize-One Republic
Fighter-Christina Aguilera.
100%
All Things Must Pass, George Harrison
What is Life, George Harrison
(This one is dedicated to my 3 adult children)
I love George Harrison.
Joy-Lucinda Williams
Change the Locks-Tom Petty
Cry Me A River-Joe Cocker
Underrated song….Best Days by Kellie Pickler. Please look up the lyrics…..here’s a snip bit:
Cause I’ll be there, in the back of your mind
From the day we met to the very last night
And it’s just too bad, cause you’ve already had the best days
The best days of you life
ANYTHING Lucinda. Small but mighty. “Righteously” always makes me tap my foot and straighten my spine.
Her father, Miller Williams, was a prolific poet and all around literary genius. She grew up in my hometown.
1. Sisyphus (Andrew Bird)
2. Youth (Daughter)
3. Moon at the Window (Joni Mitchell)
4. Silence (Dave Thomas Jr.)
5. Boa Sorte (Vanessa da Mata & Ben Harper)
6. Não Enche (Caetano Veloso)
7. Like a Rolling Stone (Bob Dylan)
8. Pode Encomendar o seu Caixão (Martinho da Vila)
9. I’m Still Standing (Elton John)
10. Sitting (Yusuf Islam fka Cat Stevens)
11. Baby Bitch (Ween)
Not Brazilian but geographically close and funny. It sounds like a chump tango or could describe an AP. https://youtu.be/lHFmXJQJO5Y
Decís que sí, pensás que no
cambiás el juego en lo mejor
pensás que sí, decís que no
volás con fuego en un motor
Con estos sí, con esos no
tenés capricho al por mayor
con esos sí, con estos no
¿qué bicho ruin te vacunó?
Viajás aquí, viajás allá
si no te invitan, te colás
pedís allá, negás aquí
tu suma resta, y vos seguís
Tenés un fin que no es un plan
te tira letra tu bacán
transás allá, mentís aquí
no lo escondas que ya te vi
Querés ser bien, como esas viejas, bien perfumadas
que juegan al bridge, medio mamadas
con cartas bien marcadas, ay
para las gilas como vos
Salí, ¿No ves el tongo en el que estás?
rajá, lo que te dan ahora
se vuelve, la soga
con que te van a liquidar
Decís que sí, pensás que no
cambiás de dueño sin razón
pensás que sí, decís que no
creés que un sueño es un colchón
Con estos sí, con esos no
ni arroz, ni leche, ni tazón
con esos sí, con estos no
¿Qué bicho ruin te convenció?
Viajás aquí, viajás allá
pasás vergüenza y te humillás
pedís allá, negás aquí
tu cuenta embarga el porvenir
Tenés un fin que no es un plan
licuás la masa y no habrá pan
transás allá, mentís aquí
no lo escondas que ya te vi
Querés ser bien, como esas viejas, bien perfumadas
que juegan al bridge, medio mamadas
con cartas bien marcadas, ay
para las gilas como vos
Salí, ¿No ves el tongo en el que estás?
rajá, lo que te dan ahora
se vuelve, la soga
con que te, con que te van a liquidar.
Hell of a Chump,
this song sounds modern to me, but your argentinian reference reminded me of one of Gardel’s that, except for the first and last strophes, I could “sing” (not that I can sing for real, ha!) word for word to my XW: mano a mano.
Happy new year!
BrazilianChump, and what about our ME DEIXA EM PAZ, by Monsueto & Airton Amorim?
Feliz Ano Novo!
Feliz ano novo, ClearWaters!
I had to research for this one, had never heard this samba before, but people say it is a classic.
Are you brazilian too by any chance?
Yes!
Wow, ClearWaters, I’m so glad you gently gave me that hint about being brazilian too!
Sorry for going off-topic, but I would like to share an aspect of my nightmare that a fellow brazilian will surely have a clearer understanding of. My XW is a military police officer (working in health corps though) and decided to blow up our 20 years marriage having an affair with a crooked cop (there are strong reasons to believe he is a “miliciano”), putting our two autistic sons in harm’s way all along. I am not in the military (I am a professor) and have been very affraid since then. I have been explicitly threatened by the AP. Thankfully the affair is over now, but I had to turn down a position in a top university where we used to live (I am sure you can guess where that is; I just don’t want to write it down) and move my kids to the (smaller) city where I currently hold a position in order to protect ourselves. I’m gonna spare you the messy details, but, in a nutshell, she had no option left other than to move along because the debt she secretly amassed during the affair rendered her unable to support herself where we used to live. I cannot bear to see a police car anymore without feeling very uncomfortable, I think I am traumatized. I am even affraid that maybe it is not wise to talk about these things here at Chump Lady’s blog.
I was way too willing to compromise in financial matters in order to get over the divorce as quick as possible and that put her in a position to pay her debts within the next years (if she only could quit the compulsive spending and ostentation; thankfully, this seems unlikely). Also, she’s got a wealthy boyfriend recently. My biggest fear is that she will drag me to court again any time soon to request full custody and move our kids back to where she works. Of course I will fight back with all I have, and I have a lot, but I am too weary and financially depleted and just to think of that now scares the shit out of me.
Just hours ago, I had a very unpleasant exchange with her as I caught her trying to gaslight my oldest son over a videocall that my XMIL did not abused him verbally yesterday by calling him a mongoloid and “frouxo” (you know what that means in our machist culture). I did stand for his account of events (which my XMIL not even tried to rebute) and told everybody involved that that is unnaceptable. The response on her side was rage and veiled threats: I cannot speak to her that way in front of our kids. But then how can I defend them? My lawyer told me to document the facts by getting an extra appointment with my kid’s therapist and asking her to write a report. Also to inform the “conselho tutelar”. Other than that I am at a loss here. The kids have been through so much the last couple years.
I don’t know if I really have a question here or only wanted to vent to someone that maybe can understand. I think I would like to know from others (you, in this case) if you think my fears are either proportionate or exaggerated.
Again, sorry for going way off-topic and ranting, things got a bit out of hand emotionally for me these hollidays. I totally understand if you prefer not to comment.
Feliz ano novo!
BrazilianChump,
I wish Chump Lady still had her forum so we could make better contact, but I feel so bad for you, I’ll reply here. I read your story yesterday and was so upset I dreamt about it. I hope you read this late reply.
Adding insult to injury is to be threatened by a militia AP. Non-Brazilian chumps have no idea what this means.
Frankly, I bet your XW will not bother to get custody of your children. She is too busy working on her magnificence. In addition, if your children are autistic that means a lot of work and $. Ask me how I know. I have one son with Asperger’s. I never understood why we had to struggle so much to pay therapy bills. Now I know. Besides eternally helping his family of mediocre dimwits, starting with his cheater father XH was spending on FWs. XH helped with our sons 2% of the time and only if he was going to be coddled by the therapist. So I think your children are safe with you.
It is disgusting to have to acknowledge the power of militias in Brazil now, but I also bet the militia AP is now more focussed on your XW, his ex-AP (and what she knows), than on you. That is how their pea-sized brains work. Militia-man now has nothing to gain by harassing you. Furthermore you seem to be working in a different “militia jurisdiction” now. This is so crazy! You are a professor (so am I). So work hard at being indispensable in whatever you teach and research, this creates a protection.
I hope your divorce settlement left you free of your FW-XW’s stupid debts. Mine did. Pitbull lawyers even got Sparkledick to pay for their fees. And he is still running up debts. To think he has a PhD.
BrazilianChump, you seem to be young. I hope you meet a good woman.
Words cannot describe how grateful I am for you taking from your time to reply to my oversharing, ClearWaters, thank you very much!
I wrote a reply earlier today, but it is waiting for moderation, which got me wondering if I maybe have disclosed information that was deemed inappropriate by the blog’s standards. If that is the case, I apologize to CL and her moderators.
In any case, I wanted to let you know that I did read your kind reply and to thank you once again.
Words can’t describe how grateful I am for your reply, ClearWaters, thank you so much!
Not expecting you to read or reply to what follows, just getting stuff out of my chest. I already bothered you enough for the first day of the year.
People close to me (and formerly to both of us as a couple) have also reassured me that she won’t bother going for full custody (although she says she will do so as soon as she is debt-free). She is not that insterested in spending time with the kids unless it is in public, fancy and makes for some nice instagram photos. I am their primary care-giver for a long time now even prior to the affair. It came in handy, now that I have to cook, clean, make laundry, help with homework, take them to therapy, etc. all by myself while working my ass off teaching online and barely trying to continue my research. I have them with me 4 days each week even though it should be the other way around as per our divorce decree (but I am grateful for that). She only works 24h each week and one of the perks of being a boss is that she can schedule her shifts as she pleases. But even so she usually waives her sundays with the kids to be in other city with her boyfriend. This Christmas she just dumped the kids with her mom and left (maybe got a ride in Santa’s sledge). All this is just silly me trying to say that you’re probably right about she not seeking more custody and I hope you are.
But she is really into impression management, and it sure doesn’t sits well with the moms of the elite private school our oldest son used to go to that such good catholic mom as my XW doesn’t have full custody since I live in another state. How come? It could raise questions, right? It would come as no surprise for me if she were off to manipulate some moronic flying monkey attorney from their ranks into working pro bono for her. She is the quintessential sad sausage.
As for the militia man, what she may know about his supposed illicit activities is an open secret, and nobody really cares. Fact is he is too well-off for a private soldier and is into the van transportation business (huge red flag, right?). Also: was denied access to the force due to charges of domestic violence against a former fiancé of his; courts ruled in his favor on grounds of presumed innocence (my XW told me AP bought the plaintiff a house in exchange for hers dropping the charges). Also: usually troopers are assigned to paperwork (or sent to help in a hospital) when they screw up on the streets or are someone’s protégé; my XW told me it was both: AP allegedly killed a person in action and was in the good graces of a crooked officer. Also: AP’s best-buddy and bbq partner (one of my XW’s subordinates too) was arrested at his job for involvement in a homicide.
Also: during wreckonciliation I caught winds of XW planning a pool-party with my kids at AP’s house in a militia dominated area. Too big a house for a private’s paystub. Point is: everybody knows and no one gives a shit.
Shortly after I filled for divorce he dumped her (not hot enough, his words) and she promptly arranged for him to be transferred from the hospital at which he was her direct-report to a Pacifying Police Unit located in a conflagrated part of the town (she’s stuck a bullseye in his forehead; still don’t know how she’s got everyone else involved in the decision to comply). THAT is where my fear of my kids going back to that city comes from. He sure holds a grudge against her, as attested by the insults and threats he screamed at her (my then 8 yo son heard it all) and the fact that he’s thrown shit at the fan at work and exposed her (not good for her impression management). I don’t want my kids anywhere near that mess.
Also, nothing prevents XW and former AP to rekindle their twu wuv as soon as she is financially attractive again. Her current boyfriend is just as replaceable as I was. There is a considerable age gap between the two of them and I suspect she is just using him for status, free flight vouchers (he is a commercial pilot for an airline), fancy nights out and a roof over her head back there where she works (AP was different, I think he’s got her hooked).
Sorry for vomiting all over your shoes (as in CL’s very apt metaphor), but I have nobody to tell these things that could understand.
I forgot all about that Vanessa da Mata song, says this chump who also speaks a bit of Portuguese. I liked it even before I was chumped.
Many have already said Lizzo, Good as Hell. That’s my go to.
The Chainsmokers Hope is not about cheating, but similar emotions.
Oi, Unstuck!
Since you speak Portuguese, you might find it amusing that the lyrics of “Não Enche” serendipitously uses the very expression “D-day” (dia D) in a context of chump liberation from an abusive and deceptive partner.
Feliz ano novo, tudo de bom pra você!
Popped in on my day off to say Mighty New Year to you all!
Here are some less famous ones for the list. ????
David Wilcox (USA musician)
– Rise
– Rule Number One
– Start With the Ending
– Johnny’s Camaro (ESPECIALLY this one)
Yay! You’re here!
Holidays are great!!! ????????????
My favorite is Miss Me More by Kelsea Ballerini.
YES! This song is magical & powerful
Yes yes yes. Kelsea says it all!!! And of course Lizzo.
Thy Will – Hillary Scott and the Scott Family
(anything on KLOVE actually)
Sail On – The Commodores (it’s actually a break up song!)
Roar – Katy Perry
To be honest, I stayed away from “regular radio” for almost two years… listening to break-up songs and unrequited love songs did NOT help my mental health. KLOVE is all positive music, all the time.
I’m seven years out – well in to my Meh Days. You will get here too, promise. It begins with self-care.
Happy new year Chump Lady and Chump Nation
Sail On was one of mine, too!
Katy Perry ‘Roar’
Phil Collins ‘ I Don’t Care Anymore’
I nicknamed my ex “Phil Collins” on my phone as the ex hates Phil Collins while I think Phil is da bomb. Makes me giggle every time his name pops up on my phone. It would kill the ex to know that is now his name.
Oooo…another good one…Phil Collins!
To remind myself that FW was “someone that i used to know” by Gotye
https://youtu.be/8UVNT4wvIGY
That’s one for me also.
This song is sheer perfection. Thanks for providing the link, Navigator.
That was on my playlist, too! Very unique
One Girl Revolution, by Superchick. They do other cool songs that help me feel
like a MMA champion.
I would also add that music is helpful when I need to cry and am stuck. Those tears are not for him but necessary for healing my own pain…Mother Nature’s healing drug.
I’ve heard numerous chumps talk about resisting crying because they think tears are somehow about the cheater, losing power to the cheater, the cheater winning somehow, giving something to the cheater, the cheater getting one over on them, etc.
No. Tears are our emotional expression of pain, and they heal, like we laugh when we hear something we think is funny.
I am a crying advocate.
When my daughter was little, we were walking home from school one day and she told me the yard duty lady told her to stop crying. Them’s fighting words and I was really incensed. So I taught her to hold up her hand like a STOP sign and say, “I’ll be with you when I’m done crying.” We practiced while walking to school the next day.
So the music that helps me cry is just as important and necessary as the music that helps me feel capable and mighty.
1000% true on the tears. Mother Nature’s healing drug indeed.
There are songs I love that Traitor X and the Craigslist cockroach ruined and I am scheming on getting those back on MY playlist.
One afternoon just before DDay, we were in the car and I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith came on and he quickly switched stations. I said, “Hey! I love that song! What are you doing?!” I later figured out during the post DDay digital sleuthing that it was one of “their”
songs.
I never said anything about it and he doesn’t know that I put that together, so because things didn’t turn out how he thought, sometimes that song is blasting from my car stereo when I pull up at the business meeting. I then comment how much I love that song.
It’s a fool who cheats on a smartass of superior intelligence and comic timing.
????
I love this so much!
You are a true Rock Star!
Thanks for sharing your wisdom, wit, and stories that encourage!
????
Music can still be a trigger for me as ex was a musician and, during our 30 years together, he determined the soundtrack. I can listen to the Beatles now and not always think about the Hofner Bass under the guest room bed.
Classical music is the soothing balm which I grew up with. And there’s centuries of that available.
Respect by Aretha Franklin.
Yes. Top of my list.
Also: I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor.
Stronger – Kelly Clarkson
Respect -Aretha Franklin
I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
Both lovely choices. Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” speaks to me of something it took me far too long to learn. *I* was worthy of respect, and those who tried to take it from me were worthy of *no* respect.
“I will survive”. *Love* this one, it reminds me so much of the early days of discovering the betrayal, and wondering if I actually could survive it, and I did, thank God.
Music is so powerful, there have been days when I thought I couldn’t bear to go on, then a song would come on the radio, or I would remember a singer I particularly loved and play her CD, and just listening to it gave me strength to go on.
God bless musicians and singers. ????????
“Love Stinks” (Jay Geils Band)
Not very Tuesday, but always cheers me up, IDK why. 😉
Good Morning CN and happy new year.
I am almost one year D-day and just one week post divorce ( yeah, got rid of the trash ), and things were looking up for me, but then Tru Wuv wrote me a dissertation on social media ( I did not read it but it mentioned my ex ) a few days ago. Why? Why engage me? What purpose would that serve me — I understand these freaks need to triangulate to get those extra tingly orgasms, however why include me?
My songs:
Rush — Fly by Night
Black Sabbath ( all of it )
American Analog Set ( all of it )
Happy New Year and hope all y’all are extra mighty this year.
Wow,….I have loved Fly By Night since I was twelve years old! Neil Peart was my drummer hero. We had family friends who were cousins of Alex Lifeson, and I was never able to benefit from that connection by meeting the band. ????
I’ll be adding that to my Power Song playlist….thanks for the reminder and you have me in your cheering section for your continued healing.
Haha thanks Velvet Hammer!
I was lucky enough to see Rush play live several times back in the day— but never met them in person. I hear they are very approachable ( according to the documentary ) so I hope you get to meet them one day.
I listen to 2112 also since the 1st part is transformative.
Seeing Rush was an unforgettable rush for me. I became a drummer because of Neil. In eighth grade I challenged the drummer in school band and won his seat. Losing his seat to a girl was so humiliating for him. We’re still friends and laugh about it now. On my infidelity recovery bucket list is to get another kit and start playing again.
Breaking out the Rush today!
Hey, Velvet Hammer! I’m a woman drummer too. And a Neil Peart fan. I’ve seen Rush a couple times and decided to buy a set of DW drums because that is what he played. I was absolutely gutted when he passed.
“Tom Sawyer” has always been my anthem and is on my bucket list of songs to learn on the kit. It always makes me feel mighty.
VH, make a resolution to buy that kit and start playing again in 2022! If you are on Facebook, there is an awesome group called Drummer Girls United. A very positive, encouraging group of women drummers from around the world. Look us up! ????????????❤️
And VH, As you probably know, drumming is very therapeutic. It fully engages both your mind and body. And it’s a great way to take out some aggression. On rough days I always feel so much better after a good session on my drum kit.
#Sometimes — Its AMAZING to see Y’all’s Other side!! —
Totally NOT a drummer at all —
But its great to see everyone’s Different “Diamond Facets” that makes you the “kewl” Human Being’s Y’all are!!
Original “Merced, CA” Girl!!
Ok, let’s go all the way off the rails today!
Nemesis, I’d be happy to introduce you to Greg. His mom and dad are still my neighbors. They are awesome down-to-earth people. His drums literally took over the house when he lived with them and they were totally cool with it.
I just joined the FB group….look for me and send me a PM.
Chumpy, I had sticks AND a tambourine in my car for many years. Way more fun at red lights!
????
I took up drumming this year too (told my instructor I wanted to hit things). VH, I think you will love picking it up again!
I’ve played music since I was 9, but lost interest after I moved in with FW. I just didn’t feel comfortable playing with him around. If there was ever a sign something was off with our relationship, that should have been so obvious.
I set up a drum kit in my bedroom and now I play whenever I feel like it (it’s electronic so sleeping children/neighbor friendly). Drumming has replaced doom scrolling and replying to stupid FW texts.
I am a 50 year old woman who keeps drumsticks in my car (practice while I am waiting for kids). I probably look ridiculous and I DON’T CARE! Some serious, take back my power vibes – highly recommended ????
Thanks for the new drum ideas – not off topic for me at all!
Happy new year!
VH, I Googled Greg Gaylord. Looks like he is currently with Craviotto Drums, which are my dream drums. They are practically works of art. What an awesome connection to have!
You aren’t too far from my neck of the woods. One of my friends runs women’s three day drum camps from her home in Auburn California. You can Google that too, if you’d like. I’ve been to a couple of them. Great drum instruction and perhaps even more than that, a great hang. Highly recommend it.
One of my resolutions for next year is to start going to an African drumming meet-up. I have a djembe and I want to learn how to play it better. I’ve always enjoyed hand percussion.
We really have gone off the rails here a bit. ???? Bottom line, there is a large, supportive community of women drummers that we didn’t have back in the day when we first started playing. Hope you get back into it!
Spiritual benefits of drumming = exactly!!
We are totally going sidebar here on Chumplady today, Xioba and Nemesis!
Check out Greg Gaylord of Drum Solo. He was a neighbor and is a friend and makes awesome drums…some from wood reclaimed from the bottom of Lake Michigan. Charlie Watts bought from him. I plan to give him a call.
Girl drummers were so rare in the 70’s; I loved it instantly. Also on my drumming bucket list is taiko drumming. Taiko Dojo and Kenny Endo are near me in San Francisco so I have to wait out the pandemic.
Thanks for the FB page info!
That’s so cool ( your drumming ).
Neil was incredible. Amazing musician, but he was also a deeply troubled and sensitive human which made his song writing so relatable to we commoners.
As a side note on getting through this year, I listened to Fly by Night on repeat for hours as I worked on a project of mine ( Zodiac Killer ) and the time changes that Rush is known for were signals to my brain to stop obsessing over trash and to focus on my work. I sort of trained myself that “Fly by night” ( … change my life again … ) was written expressly for me to get healthy, and by hearing the first few beats my brain cleared and my mind focused on me. Thanks Neil!!!
The Dixie Chicks, The Commodores (because it was left in my car – Lionel Ritchie wrote some deep ones) and Stevie Nicks’ Landslide. I could listen to that one over and over. In fact, whenever that song comes, I just shush everyone, stop, close my eyes and sing along: ????I’ve been afraid of changin cause I’ve built my whole life around you. But time makes you bolder, children get older and I’m getting older too. So take this love and take it down…the landslide brought me down ????
Possibly my favorite song of all time. It’s gorgeous! I’ve loved it since I was a little girl. There are dozens of remakes but nothing can match Stevie.
Agreed RE: Landslide ~ such a phenomenal song (I love to listen to covers of it too when I’m in the mood to listen to it again and again)
I also incessantly played “Take a Bow” (Rihanna) for months upon end after D-Day
Landslide, yes!
Mr. Wonderful’s Toupees
– Brian Combe
The next logical question is how do I even know about this song? Well since my ex has a shitty toupee I did a search for toupee songs.
This song is ridiculous but so is a crappy jet black toupee, especially when the rest of you is grey.
It makes me chuckled ????????????
That old Budweiser commercial – Mr Really Bad Toupee Wearer.
https://youtu.be/gOgQcyklEBc
OMG, that is hilarious!
Thank you for that.
My ex went the other direction…he’s one of the “shaved his head to cover up for the fact that he’s gray and going bald”. THAT’ll trick his 31 year old wife. She’ll never know he’s 53!
When things have been very low in recent years, there’s a song that always helps me to regain perspective.
I’m sharing it here in the hope that others may be as uplifted as I have been.
https://youtu.be/SxTNhD5jTyQ
OMG this video is a GIFT! I love it ????
Funny! That’s hilarious!
1) “Dare Me”
– Pointer Sisters
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_F3uv01kTgE
2) “Let the River Run”
– Carly Simon, theme from “Working Girl”
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yuRnWqW86_s
Just fyi to all, if you post more than one link, it goes to the modify/spam queue. So have patience if I’m not at the computer to fish you out. I’ll get to it as soon as I can.
Oops, sorry, thank you, and duly noted!
Miss Me More by Kelsea Ballerini was definitely my #1 song during that time, to remind me of all that I put aside for him and to never, ever do it again.
My other favorites are/were:
Never Again – Kelly Clarkson
Dirty Laundry – Carrie Underwood
Hurt Me – Meghan Trainor
Girl – Maren Morris
I’m Good – Abby Anderson
I’m a Fighter – Maya Gabrielle Satterwhile
You Broke Me First – Tate McRae
Liability – Carly Pearce (and her entire 29 Album)
Liar – Davina Michelle
I Forgot That You Existed – Taylor Swift
Broken & Beautiful – Kelly Clarkson
Truth About You – Mitchell Tenpenny
Want Me Back – Lindsay Ell
Music has been so healing for me and I hope this list can help someone else. I always feel lots of inner power when I listed to this playlist. It reminds me that I am mighty!
Whoa, “Liar” is amazing! I’d never heard it before. Thanks for this great list.
I’m so happy that you liked it! I had it on repeat for quite a while during my most difficult days.
The line, “the fact that she is real hurts but doesn’t kill” gets me every time. So powerful.
Taylor Swift’s album Folklore and Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors got me through the end of a 25 year relationship.
This episode of Song Exploder (Lindsey Buckingham talks “Go Your Own Way”) is great:
https://songexploder.net/fleetwood-mac
“Exile” from Folklore made me bawl like a baby for the first time in months. Since I was abandoned out of the blue (got an e-mail tho) after 28 years of marriage the whole theme of ‘never seeing the signs’ and ‘leaving out the side door’ were absolutely spot-on. I ended up yelling at the video during the call-and-response of “I never saw the signs/I gave so many signs” between the duo because that was my life. I stood up and yelled,
“SIGNS?!! FUCKING ***SIGNS***???!!! OPEN YOUR FUCKING BABY MOUTH AND ~SAY~ YOU ARE UNHAPPY INSTEAD OF CHEATING AND ABANDONING, YOU FUCKING CHEATING LYING PIECE OF SHIT”
which of course is no indictment of TS herself, I was yelling at my X.
Hey, I guess the “sign” he put out there was when he was fucking around on me and lying when asked direct questions about it. Yep, totes missed it. #mybad
Cathartic.
I more than once have rocked out to “Titanium” by David Guetta while driving. It makes me cry, too.
Fleetwood &Rumors- Definitely
Just good old rock and roll helps too.
I love music as well. I also can’t listen to many country songs.
But there are some amazing Christian artists that help lift me up.
Crowder ❤- Come as You Are
Zach Williams– Chain Breaker & New Christmas album really does swing well
We are the Kingdom- Child of Love
Rend Collective
Leslie Jordan
Better Days by Dermot Kennedy
…the rain, it ain’t permanent…and soon we’ll be dancing in the sun…”
Nina Simone’s Ain’t Got No, I Got Life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5jI9I03q8E
Happy New Year CN!
I am so busy lately that I must seem like “UnderWaters” instead of ClearWaters here at CN. And all because I am free of a cheater.
Be brave CN, it all works out and for the better for anyone with guts.
My son who is living with his FW father is finally moving out…
Karma Police // Radiohead
How it ends // DevochKa
In The New Year // The Walkman
Got New Dreams // Naked Raygun
And my favorite: Let Down // Radiohead
“…. You know, you know where you are with
You know where you are with
Floor collapsing, floating
Bouncing back and
One day I am gonna grow wings
A chemical reaction…”
“Let Down” is an amazing song.
In fact, the whole of ‘OK Computer’, played from start to finish, got me through several difficult years.
First two are favorites of mine that have been out of the rotation for awhile. Good reminder!
Had “Knives Out” stuck in my head for awhile…
Better Man. Little Big Town
It’s not cheerful but strengthening
Dixie Chicks
Linda Ronstadt Poor Poor pitiful me always puts a smile on my face
Lie by the Band Perry
Won’t Back Down – Tom Petty
Better Man by Little Big Town – Described my whole life! I came across the video on YouTube while I was at work soon after my final DDay this summer and had to leave my desk and go outside and sob!
I actually remember the first time I heard this song. They performed it live on an award show soon after my first DDay in 2015 (that I didn’t know was an actual DDay until this summer). Our son and my stepdaughter were at home with me. I was just stunned at the truth of the song and had to leave the room to keep from crying in front of them! You cant write songs like that without having experienced the situation yourself.
Happy New Year CL and CN ❤
I would have been cool with Anglican high church choral music, CL!
Cee-Lo Green’s Fuck You – all time never-fail fave
https://youtu.be/pc0mxOXbWIU
Also I Will Survive got a good workout in the early days, as did Pompeii and Things We Lost on the Fire by Bastille, Bleeding Out (and others) by Imagine Dragons and a fair bit of Within Temptation – the gothic stage of grief I guess.
Then I got more kick-ass as I got my mojo back – Gin Wigmore’s Black Sheep, Gabriella Cilmi’s Sweet About Me, Jordin Sparks Battlefield, Boom Bap Pow’s My World, Castles by Freya Ridings. Lots of sassy ladies with attitude.
Positive You Can Do It/It Will Be Fine songs (not necessarily in order. Also, not all necessarily upbeat, but the message is the right one):
Don’t Worry Bout Me by Zara Larsson
Ciao Adios by Anne-Marie
Sunday Morning by No Doubt (my favourite)
Don’t Call Me Up by Mabel
Call Me When You’re Sober by Evanescence
So What by Pink
Songs for General Positive Vibes:
Kings and Queens by Ava Max
Who Knows by Avril Lavigne
Down on the Corner by Creedence
Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves
Music did not really get me through the healing process. As a matter of fact, I find I no longer feel music the way I used to. That being said, I do remember cranking up the volume to Ozzy Ozborne’s “No More Tears” and jamming out to that on occasion. Instead of music, I began to enjoy the melodies of silence and thought, especially on nature walks.
Good as Hell, Lizzo
I’m Still Standing, Elton John
It’s Only Love, Bryan Adams feat. Tina Turner
New Attitude, Patti LaBelle
And “One More Minute” by “Weird Al” Yankovic was and continues to be my absolute jam, especially when I forget to TTTS (trust that they suck).
Thanks for introducing me to “One More Minute”, DWA!!! I love Weird Al Yankovic but somehow had never heard this one before. Gold! Happy new year!
I had a driving job, when I was in the throes of leaving my mirage, and music was so important. I would turn the sound up, and cry and drive. My favorite was this obscure Hawaiian band called Kaiser Surf Crew, they are just super happy, upbeat guys! High Surf Advisory, Set Them Free. That whole CD was sweet, and uplifting. Long story, but a restaurant owner burned it for me, when he saw that my X was being abusive, and handed it to me as we were leaving.
Also, the album Who Is Jill Scott, she feels so powerful to me, and I love her voice.
Happy New Year all! ????
Martin Briley–Salt in my tears aka You ain’t worth the salt in my tears
I believe I can fly-r.Kelly
Rearview Mirror by Pearl Jam.
I’m a drummer and a singer. One of the songs I enjoyed playing and singing (at the top of my lungs) during my early chumphood was Ceelo Green’s “Fuck You”. It always made me laugh. And wonder what the neighbors were thinking. ????
Another song that made me smile is Raelynn’s “Bra Off”. Cute, catchy little tune.
Keyboard player and singer here. Thrilled to see so many musicians on the blog.
To listen
Seether’s Rise Above This
Lizzo’s Truth Hurts and Good as Hell
Jars of Clay Flood Lift Me Up
Sixx A.M. Life is Beautiful
To sing:
Train’s Ordinary
Memories by Adam Levine
Who Knew by Pink
Don’t Start Now by Dua Lipa
My Favorite Mistake by Sheryl Crow
Mama’s Broken Heart by Miranda Lambert
Watch Over You by Alter Bridge
I LOOOVE Seether! Great tune. “Fine Again” is another good one. I’ve belted that one out a few times when I was feeling especially morose.
Yes, so cool to see so many musicians here. ????????????????????????????????
Dua Lipa – IDGAF
Already mentioned by others – Phil Collins I Don’t Care Anymore and Elton John “Still Standing”
Music got me through healing. But not the power/fuck you songs. The sad songs. Those are the songs that helped me feel, and then to heal. It was over the minute I found out on D-Day, and the sad songs were my comfort.
Heart of the Matter – Don Henley – the live one from the hell freezes over tour
Silver Springs – Fleetwood Mac (there’s a live version on YouTube that’s the best)
Landslide – Fleetwood Mac
Let Her Go – Passenger
Who Knew – Pink
Better Man – Taylor’s version
The 1 – Taylor Swift
Exile – Taylor Swift
Don’t – Ed Sheeran
Talk – Kodaline
I Knew You Were Trouble – Taylor
Lover – Michael Stanley Band
I know I’m at Tuesday because these songs are now just good songs. I don’t cry over them, I just appreciate that they’re good songs that helped me.
Happy New Year!
Hope that 2022 is all Tuesdays!
Patsy Cline’s Walkin’ After Midnight is a sad but hopeful sing that works that way, too. Sometimes we have to walk through it to GET through it.
Walking through it, to *get* through it, struck me. For quite a while I absolutely refused to either walk through it, or get through it.
I just curled into a ball. I couldn’t listen to anyone, couldn’t accept what any one was telling me. It was a period of so much pain, I can’t bear to remember it.
And yet, there was always music! Kate Rusby, Irish ballads, Scottish music, all of them helped me in one way or another.
The most therapeutic? Dancing and screaming to the “Drop Kick Murphy’s” whilst stomping on my wedding photos. ????????????
I love that stomping image! I waked for miles. Only thing I could manage.
I’ll add three:
Sit Down by James
Travelling Woman by Bat for Lashes
-and this one that my lovely SIL sent me when he asked for a second chance and I said no.
https://youtu.be/fD7kgjYo7Ls
A very happy, mighty new year, Chump Nation! Much love ❤
A couple of good friends made playlists for me in the dark times after DD; those leaned heavily toward girl anthems like the immortal “I Will Survive” and Pink’s “So What”. It was helpful, as I live in an area where lots of driving time is just part of life, to be able to slip in a CD and just sing along. I mentioned this to my therapist, and she asked me which was the best song of the bunch; that answer changed daily, but on that day, my response was Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats”. The therapist hadn’t heard it, so I ran down to the car and grabbed the CD. She listened, and then she gave me the most evil, conspiratorial, unprofessional grin, and said “I like that….” ????????????
Yup. I know country is off the list for some but “Before He Cheats” and Sara Evans’ “Cheatin’” as well as Dixie Chicks’ “Goodbye Earl” are among my guilty pleasures.
I’ll Take The Rain – REM
Don’t Come Around Here No More – Tom Petty
Return to Innoncence – Enigma
Dog Days Are Over – Florence and the Machine
Monsters – Band of Horses
Happy New Year to Tracey and everyone here. Thankyou for your constant help and support through 2021, I really get such comfort from reading the posts. Let’s hope 2022 is better for us all . Xx
“I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor.
“Take a Bow” by Rihanna. It’s perfect.
Related to today’s topic (music) and something that inspired me just yesterday…I watched the documentary about Clive Davis, the legendary Golden Ears of the music industry.
It was a total accident of fate that he became who he is, discovering a talent he never knew he had. I LOVED that. I think we all have talent we don’t know we have that get squashed by the energy suck of being in repressive relationships with liars/cheaters/thieves. Cheaters are DEFINITELY not people helping you climb and be your best self. That person is sucking the life force out of you, squashing you, and stripping your power and energy away. Danger, Will Robinson!
Later, when betrayed by executives at the record label he founded who were ousting him, he left. All 18 senior executives went with him. That’s an example of
loyalty and overcoming adversity I want to learn from!
I was crying watching this movie. I think it’s because of the support and loyalty themes running throughout, something I am only just now grasping how I never had in my family or mirage.
It’s amazing to see how much music I love that he is behind!
Please forgive me for piggybacking on your post, Velvet, but WaPo is not letting me post a standalone reply of my own – apparently WaPo doesn’t like my music taste? Again, please forgive me ?
1) “Dare Me”
– Pointer Sisters
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_F3uv01kTgE
(… for when you are strapping on your gladiator leathers, and maybe need a bit of a confidence boost)
2) “Let the River Run”
– Carly Simon, theme from “Working Girl”
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yuRnWqW86_s
(… for that fling your arms wide at the sunrise/sunset, face alight, chest swelling with peace, relief, and joy feeling)
https://www.netflix.com/us/title/80190588?s=i&trkid=13747225&vlang=en&clip=81185076
Adele – “Rolling in the Deep”
Rolling in the Deep was my biggie! It came out as I was in my worst days, and I listened to it over and over because it just focused my anger and made me feel powerful. It sent me to searching to create a whole playlist of angry women power type songs from a bunch of eras. Some are very obscure, but perfect. I’ve added to it over time as new songs came out or came to my attention and it became more about what I would accept in a future relationship, and I even threw in a few from men as I recovered.
Rolling in the Deep – Adele
These Boots are Made for Walking – Nancy Sinatra
Better be Good to Me – Tina Turner
I Love Myself Today – Bif Naked
The Wreckoning – Boomkat
Sick and Tired – Anastacia
Strings of Life (Stronger on my Own) – Soul Central
Can’t Be Tamed – Miley Cyrus
Survivor – Destiny’s Child
Respect – Aretha Franklin
Bad Blood – Taylor Swift
Strong Enough – Cher
Roar – Katy Perry
Bitch – Meredith Brooks
You Don’t Own Me – Lesley Gore
Forget You – CeeLo Green
Brand New Day – Neil Patrick Harris
This is such a great new year’s gift! I have a few that I still love and that still help these 6 years later:
Better Things to Do by Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
I Learned the Hard Way by Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
Greenville by Lucinda Williams
Big Mess by Lucinda Williams
Music can be a trigger for me too ICanseeTuesday. My ex was a musician too and looked down on everything. Now I can enjoy what I like and sing along loud (i love music and singing but am not a great singer. He would tell me I was “ruining”songs when i sang along)
He no longer gets hired for anything as he is so unreliable and has lied to too many people about too many things.
Happy new year to all!
I am a pretty good singer. Used to sing karaoke and get applause and asked to sing again. Klootzak also said I ruined songs when I sang with them and would turn the volume up louder and louder until I would stop.
It’s not about us. It’s about devaluing us. I could have been Adele and he would have told me to shut up. I hope you sing loud and proud now, girl!
Sheryl Crows :
“A Change Will Do You Good”
Especially the scene in the Music Video where she hurls his guitar out a second story window …
(My soon to be X is a musician.)
Great to dance to, and shake off the blues.
Runrig (Celtic rock band) – “The Last Dance”.
I was lucky enough to go to their farewell gig at Stirling Castle, whilst still in the throes of divorce proceedings.
I still dance around the living room to “The Stamping Ground”, and “Hearts of Olden Glory”, singing my heart out.
Anything bt Kate Rusby, but especially “Jenny” on her album “Philosophers, Poets and Kings.”. It’s about a racehorse that’s sneered at by everybody on the track, but ends up winning! ????????
You can tell I’m an old folkie.
Happy New Year to CL, and all of CN! You have all helped me through the worst of days, thank you. May 2022 be the. Best year for all of us! ????????????
Ahh you live in Scotland, no wonder I like your posts. I lived not far from Stirling in the Argyll area, winter/spring of ’89. Beautiful country which reminds me of my native PNW in many ways. Strong, amazing people. I see where you get your strength, no nonsense approach, and take-no-prisoners attitude. (And Stirling Castle is really cool).
Thank you so much, WeAreTheChumpions!
Actually I don’t live in Scotland, although born there, I live in Northumberland, the next best thing!
Yes, Stirling Castle is *very* cool. ????????
Kirsty Mcoll – The boy down the chip shop says he’s Elvis”.
I just love her. Her death was so sad.
For US chumps, “the chip shop” refers to the chippy, deep fried haddock with mushy peas, salt and lots of vinegar. ????
Chumpnomore6,
OMGOSH!!! Flashback!!!! I LOVE mushy peas!! As a retired flight attendant, I had them on my layovers in London, Windsor and also Edinburgh, Scotland along with the wonderful little sausages!!! (Mashers??) I miss those great layovers!!!
The UK sausages are called bangers. When served with mashed potatoes they are called bangers and mash.
I miss that. The little shop on the road by the sea wall, take away only, fish & chips wrapped in newspaper drenched in malted vinegar. Nothing like it to warm the soul on a blustery day! Big chunks of fresh quality fish straight out of the Notth Sea, way bigger and firmer than the cod we can get here, and we make fish & chips at our house all the time. Can’t quite duplicate what you Brits do.
The Gap Band – You Dropped A Bomb On Me
Foreigner – I Want To Know What Love Is
The Bee Gees – I Can’t See Nobody
Crosby, Stills & Nash – Southern Cross
DAVID RUFFIN -“MY WHOLE WORLD ENDED (THE MOMENT YOU LEFT ME)” [1969]
Ronnie Dyson – (If You Let Me Make Love To You Then) Why Can’t I Touch You?
Joan Baez – Diamonds and Rust
Air Supply – Making Love Out Of Nothing At All
Adele – Set Fire To The Rain
Dusty Springfield ~ i Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself
The Mamas & the Papas “Look Through My Window”