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DaVinci Code Guy’s ‘Secret Life’?

Dan Brown
Source: Wikipedia

Is it credible that a man who made his fortune on tales of conspiratorial intrigue was accused by his ex-wife of having a double life?

In a court filing last year, Blythe Brown, ex-wife of Dan Brown, the author of “The DaVinci Code”, alleged  that he had multiple affairs and hid assets — information she apparently wasn’t aware of when the divorce was finalized in 2019.

Want the details? Alas, they settled the lawsuit this week. So you’ll have to respect Dan Brown’s privacy about his horse trainer Schmoopie Judith Pietersen. Because who among us hasn’t gifted a $350,000 Friesian to a friend?

If I were Dan Brown, and I had a completely platonic case of equestrian generosity, I might feel a bit miffed that the horse was held in higher regard than I was.

Tabloid, the U.S. Sun reported:

The 56-year-old novelist, an equestrian enthusiast, donated horses, a two-horse transportation truck, and a car to Pietersen in addition to paying for her training stable, Blythe claims in her lawsuit.

One of those gifts is supposedly a prize-winning stallion worth nearly $350,000 named LimiTed Edition.

Pietersen has shared several pictures on Facebook of herself with her “dream horse.”

She affectionately refers to as her “big love” in a 2017 post about a Horse of the Year award for the Netherlands-based horse organization KFPS.

“So amazing that my big love Limited Edition is also selected for it,” she wrote.

“Proud of this fantastic horse, he really is a dream horse!”

Oh Dan, you cleft-chinned dunderdouche. You’ll never be her dream horse. LimiTed Edition is her one twu wuv. You’re a wallet in a turtleneck.

But you’ll probably never be short of Schmoopies either.

Another tabloid, the Daily Mail reported in July:

When Mrs Brown confronted her ex-husband in January this year after learning about the secret wire transfers, he allegedly acknowledged he had deceived her personally and financially, saying: ‘I’ve done bad things with a lot of people.’

She said that he had admitted the affair with Miss Pietersen and also confessed to another fling with a local hairdresser.

Mrs Brown says he also cheated on her with a politician in Anguilla, a British Overseas Territory in the eastern Caribbean, where they had a home, and with his personal trainer in New Hampshire.

Her lawsuit specifies undisclosed damages and says ‘Blythe’s sense of pain, humiliation, betrayal and anguish is unbearable and debilitating.

‘She has great difficulty eating or sleeping, and Dan has caused her to suffer significant emotional distress.’

Blythe, I’m sorry you were chumped. May your settlement be a blessing. And may Dan trip and fall into a pile of LimiTed Edition horse shit.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • “Wallet in a turtleneck “ has forced coffee out of my nose 😂
    Also, I hope he winds up living in a cardboard box somewhere.

      • Duped, his cleft chin doesn’t look natural. His chin looks like either he was in an accident or had cosmetic surgery to add a chin and make it a clefty. Just an observation.
        A chinless wonder transformed into a Cleft-chinned dunderdouche.

        *Cleft-chinned dunderdouche*

      • I just googled his name and looked at his images. I could be right about the cosmetic surgery.
        From looking at the images posted online, the photo above has been expertly photo shopped or taken 20-30 years ago.
        He has the innocent, wide eyed, I’m just a good guy look in this photo. He looks more like the weasel he is in the photos online.

    • I know! I’m DYING over here. Wallet in a Turtleneck! Bahaha! My situation would be SO much more fun if I had Chump Lady’s insight and wordsmith wit. God bless her. She brings laughter where it never shines.

  • Who’s surprised. Glad she had the gumption to sue. I don’t ever want to step back into that tar pit of low level dirty energy that x exudes.

  • Some jokes write themselves. LimiTed Edition, indeed!
    😂😂😂

    Dan Brown is also a hack. I read Da Vinci Code back when it was all the rage, because I figured my students and others might want to talk about it. (I was trained as an ancient Mediterranean historian and archaeologist.) I snorted my way through the whole thing. So many ridiculous premises: at one point, the protagonist, who is a “symbologist” (even though that’s not an Actual Thing), is trying to decipher an unfamiliar script and runs through some possibilities. I don’t remember the exact options, but it was like: Is it Sumerian? Is it Old Norse? etc. All of these options were laughably, obviously wrong. The real answer was that it was just Ye Olde English in a fancy script, upside-down and backwards. 🙄 This was just one example of silliness, mind you.

    And then, of course, there was the UK lawsuit alleging that Brown plagiarized the main idea behind Da Vinci Code. Although the High Court judge ruled in favor of Brown’s publisher, he noted that Brown had falsely claimed that he had done all his own research for the novel. “The reality of his research is that it is superficial.” Bwahahaha!

    It doesn’t at all surprise me that this intellectually bankrupt person is morally bankrupt as well.

    • “Dan Brown is also a hack. I read Da Vinci Code back when it was all the rage, because I figured my students and others might want to talk about it. (I was trained as an ancient Mediterranean historian and archaeologist.) I snorted my way through the whole thing.”

      Me too. Wasn’t it *awful*. 😂😂

      I’m so glad his poor wife got a good settlement. This creep is an utter wanker.

      I enjoy thrillers, etc, and whilst I’m prepared to suspend disbelief if the story is enjoyable, there are limits. 🙄😂

    • The film adaptation was so bloated and dumb I was furious at the end. But I figured maybe I missed something because I fell asleep during it twice. Never understood the appeal.

    • Yeah, I heard about the controversy with the DaVinci Code. I’ve read about 2.5 of his books. I stopped halfway though the third one (the title I’ve forgotten) because I realized his books were basically the same. I also realized after looking at the author photo that the main character is a fantasy version of himself. Brown wears the same dorky turtleneck/tweed blazer combo as the protagonist. I hope he knows that women are laughing at how ridiculous and uncreative he is.

    • “Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
      It took me years to write, will you take a look?
      It’s based on a novel by a man named Lear
      And I need a job
      So I wanna be a paperback writer.”

    • Thank you LezChump! You said exactly what I wanted to. He’s such a hack. It’s been about 20 years since DaVinci Code was all the rage. I was about 30… everyone I worked with was in their mid 20s except for my boss who was about 40. My boss LOVED the book… and encouraged us all to read it and have a book club-type discussion. Everyone else found it AMAZING. I said “I get that the concepts are cool, but his writing is terrible. It’s so childlike.” Everyone thought I was a snob. Let’s face it, Wallet in a Turtleneck found out about some cool concepts and wrote a shitty novel around them and hit the jackpot. But seriously … how did anyone think it was well written? His “clues” were ridiculous. The upside down writing… Sir Isaac Newton… come on! It’s harder to find the toothbrush in a Highlights Magazine at the doctor’s office. I’m almost relieved to find out that he’s as douchey as I always thought. I hope his Chump wife finds peace and got an outstanding payout.

    • I laughed so hard when I read that book. It was so terrible. The dialog was so bad it was burned into my brain. Example of one line by a French character in the book: “Ah! C’est une anagram!”

      🤣🤣🤣 what?!? So dumb! Come on…

    • Why we’re talking about talentless hacks, am I the only person who thinks Elizabeth Gilbert (of “Eat, Pray, Love” fame) is a raging narcissist?

      I couldn’t get far in her book OR Dan Brown’s, so I admit I’ve hardly put a dent in their works and am going on first impressions. But I remember reading the first chapter of Gilbert’s book where she’s crying on her bathroom floor because she “need to escape her marriage” and thinking, why? Is the guy abusive? Have they been to counseling?

      This was years before I found Chump Lady but even back then, Gilbert’s misery reeked of self-obsession and “missing missing reasons.” The fact she couldn’t even name WHY the marriage sucked so much raised my eyebrow. I skimmed the rest of the book and lost interest. It seemed like a lot of navel-gazing rather than personal growth.

      Was not surprised to read years later that apparently she’s a serial cheater and has since married and divorced again. People like this are bottomless black holes. Nothing is enough for them, and it comes across in their “writing.”

      • While I 100% agree with you that Eat, Pray, Love woman is a raging narcissist, the idea that people can only leave a marriage if it meets some arbitrary standard of “abusive” or if the person has tried counseling first is extremely toxic, and it doesn’t do anything to hold together otherwise good/adequate marriages that are going through rough times, but it absolutely keeps women trapped in relationships with men who use and abuse and lie to and cheat on and hurt them because they don’t feel like leaving is “justified”.

        The only reason ANYONE ever needs to leave a relationship is Because They Want To.

        They absolutely have the responsibility of doing so in a way that causes the least amount of disruption to the lives of the partner (and any possible children) they leave behind, but that’s it. NOBODY is obligated to stay in a relationship they no longer want to be in “for the children” or “to honor the commitment to marriage” or “they OWE me after all the years I put in” or any other goddam reason and trying to force someone to stay when they don’t want to or can’t commit is not just futile but 100% controlling.

  • I guess Blythe decided to look his gift horse in the mouth!

    I hope she gets her share and plus some as a judiciary penalty for him misrepresenting his assets to the court. What a dirtbag.

    This pic of him makes me wonder what kind of person would find such a schmuck attractive. I don’t know if it is the hair, the turtleneck, or the chin but he strikes me as gross. He looks like the kind of guy who doesn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom.

    I must say that it has been many years since I have found klootzak attractive. Maybe part of it is knowing how immoral he and all FWs are. I look back and can’t believe I ever slept with him. Looking back on my life, I can see how I was ripe pickings for a FW. I was desperate to be free of my mother (I was her meal ticket. She had me working to support her and my bone idle younger sister who still lives with Mom and has never held a job. Sis turned 43 yesterday.) and went from the frying pan into the fire. I thought he was earning almost as much as I was and would never financially abuse me. He must actually love me! 🙄 And yet here we are.

    • I lived in a small univerity town in high school, back in the 70s. He reminds me of the horny (yeah, even coming on to teenage girl townies) professors driving around in kharmann ghias. Guys who weren’t all that attractive, but got by on their tweedy elbow patch jackets and “status” as intellectuals, or pseudo intellectuals. A guy like him has to buy expensive horses and so on to impress the ladies because there’s not a lot else to offer, except maybe “famous author” status (of mass market fake history conspiracy books). She worked hard beside him to get out his books, then he wants to be the big “famous” man giving their money away to the first women who flatter him. If he’s so smart, why can’t he snuff out grifters when they come along?

      • Ugh. I get it now. Like the FW in Terms of Endearment. Yes… such intellectuals they are. I myself have mistaken intelligence for character. Never again.

        • I am vey attracted to intelligent men to the point where it is more important to me than good looks. Sometimes they are lacking emotional intelligence, however. Some people who are very smart can also be cunning and very adept at compartmentalization, able to hide deception (affairs) better than most.

          • My Cheating bastard ex was a Mensa member, so I will attest your analysis is spot on. He was damned good at compartmentalizing. But he didn’t have a lick of common sense and zero capacity for intimacy, affection, and empathy.
            It was simple carelessness on his part that resulted in my discovery.

            • My FW’s FIRST OWhore was (is!) a Mensa member who:
              – took lots of college courses, but gave up on three different degrees;
              – started a martial arts business (we were her martial arts teachers) that failed in less than 18 months;
              – used piles of her husband’s money to train for mountain climbing and then bailed midway climbing Denali (formerly Mt. McKinley), requiring the outfitter to send one of the guides back with her (she got tired of it).

              In other words, she was (is?) a loser looking for some kind of validation.

              Mensa seems to me to just be a place where self-indulgent people good at taking tricky tests can hang out together and be smugly superior about their “smarts.”

              • I saw a license plate with “Mensa” on it and all I could think was “loser.” Who needs to advertise their “intelligence”?

              • I hesitate to admit I belong to Mensa. It’s a good social organization for me. I travel to several countries each year meeting other Mensans for weekend events.

                Mensa is a welcoming organization for a lot of people who didn’t fit in to anything as a child (myself included). Long before LGBTQ began to be noticed, Mensa was an open place for everyone.

                That being said, I do know Mensans who confuse acceptance of everyone to no borders needed. I’ve known Mensan cheaters and psycho ones who use the organization as a feeding ground.

                Genius doesn’t mean much more than the ability to score high on an IQ test.

              • To Emma C.

                “Genius doesn’t mean much more than the ability to score high on an IQ test.”

                I think it probably means more than that, but I take your point, being super intelligent doesn’t mean one is a decent human being. Look at that fucker Stephen Hawking!

                But please don’t feel being a member of Mensa is in any way equivocal, there are shitty people *everywhere*, in every type of group. We just have to get better at spotting them.

                So don’t “hesitate to admit” you belong to it. I say good for you. It’s important to be part of something, to mingle with people you feel are *your tribe*.

                Actually I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to know one is very intelligent, probably more intelligent than those around one, and I can imagine it would be very lonely.

                Kudos to you for seeking out your tribe. 👍

          • Too true! They misuse their intelligence. My cheating X was a big compartmentalizer. He prided himself on it.

          • Knave-Man’s intelligence was what attracted me to him; his good looks were secondary. It’s too bad that I didn’t learn his true character until years after marrying him.
            He offered as comfort that all of his APs were also highly intelligent — like that should make me feel better!

      • “He reminds me of the horny (yeah, even coming on to teenage girl townies) professors driving around in kharmann ghias. Guys who weren’t all that attractive, but got by on their tweedy elbow patch jackets and “status” as intellectuals, or pseudo intellectuals. ”

        😂👏😂

        He reminds me of one of my profs at Durham, who used to stride across the quad with a brace of red setters, facing into the wind, whilst his hair blew back ‘romantically’.

        He was well known for trying to fuck all the 1st year girls, and of course, he was married. Dickhead.

        • I’ve just suddenly remembered, looking at the pic of the author arsehole, with his green blazer? sports jacket? That the dickhead Prof I mentioned in an earlier post, wore a green corderoy jacket, with a pair of trousers of Donegal tweed.

          Maybe it’s a uniform! 😂

          • One of my fw was a graduate student. His grandfather was a dean at a different university. My fw started wearing old tweed jackets with leather elbow patches and corderoy pants instead of the commonplace jeans most other students wore in the 70s. I think he wanted to emulate his “important” grandfather, as he greatly admired him. Even then, me being in my early 20s, I thought it a bit pretentious. It is a uniform for a certain type–a type I don’t want to know. When I spied Dan’s photo first thing in the morning on this blog, I almost barfed. He seems awfully impressed with himself (like my old fw).

      • Apparently he wrote his bogus, history-ish, books with the same little head that thought he could get away with buying a mistress a $350,000 horse, and barn, and trailer, and …. Dan, the little head can get you bankrupt and make you look like a fool in the papers! Tsk, tsk, tsk…

    • “This pic of him makes me wonder what kind of person would find such a schmuck attractive. I don’t know if it is the hair, the turtleneck, or the chin but he strikes me as gross.” It’s the $ that make him attractive. Mistress slept with him to get the real love of her life (the horse).

      • It’s kind of gross to imply that people who aren’t conventionally attractive aren’t worthy of love.

        Looks ≠ character

    • I do think it is knowing who they are.

      I used to think my ex was so cute and teddy bear looking. Once I got out of the fog of pain, and I saw him, he looked (literally) like a fat rat. Lordy I was blinded by love.

      • 😂

        Yep. I used to think ex fuckwit was so handsome, right up until Dday – then I realised when he was wearing his specs he was a dead ringer for the rat faced whore.

        #fatratwithspecsandatwin. 🐀😂

        • 👍

          Honestly I can’t remember what the rat faced whore looked like, except she was short and had a big gut. Kind of shaped like the original Volkswagen bug.

          But to be fair, I only saw her a couple times and all I remember is she had a sour look on her face. I didn’t know why at the time.

          • I think for many of us, we somehow expected the whore would be better looking than us, more sexy, more charming, more whatever.

            Of course, that isn’t the reality. The reality is the whore is new, she’s shiny, she’s different. I think that’s true even when we see cases where a beautiful woman has been betrayed- one can look like Helen of Troy, but one can never be new and shiny.

            And people who always want the new and shiny are never available for real love.

            • Yep, I didn’t know who his whore was until a couple weeks after he left. I think the city admin was in lock down mode to try to do damage control. I imagined a twenty something with a hard body. Nope, 35 three big assed boys and a beer gut. And a known husband fucker.

              It seemed to me to be even worse than the 20 year old would have been. But likely not.

              • Susie Lee, I’ve been reading your posts for a long time, and have come to the conclusion that your ex fw wanted a life of debauchery. You were standing in the way. A decent life with a wonderful, devoted wife wasn’t cutting it for him any more. He wanted to live in the gutter because it would be “more fun.” He knew his low-life whore would put up with his lying and cheating, and you wouldn’t. She needed a meal ticket and he needed someone who would put up with his slimy ways. This is probably why so many of these fw trade way, way down.

    • I know, he is so smarmy, so gross my skin is crawling. Yuck yuck yuck. “A wallet in a turtleneck” lol, coffee out my nose too to start the day off right.

  • One of my ways in dealing with the anger of the adultery is kicking the ex in the small of his back in a trucking size, steaming pile of horses**t. I wonder if I channeled Mrs. Brown’s anguish to come up with this fantasy.

  • I never liked his books because his dialogue consisted of the character saying “well everybody knows (insert research vomit about the Illuminati here). And I read somewhere his wife used to help him write his books and they probably had no pre nup so he probably hid a lot of money/assets if it was worth taking him to court. The horse is certainly a chunk of fuck bucks! When you have pony up that kind of gift to get laid…I mean, when do these cheaters find time to write?? Oh that’s right. Chumpy probably did a lot of it.

    • Yes, and if you read the link at the Daily Mail (guilty pleasure), there are the claims that the marriage was already dead, “we” were seeking gratification elsewhere, implying his spouse was the first to have an affair, she was only upset because she wanted the horse for herself, etc.

      • Addendum: also reports that his publisher was quite pleased about the publicized adultery, said it would help sales. SMH.

        • Dear God. Lying, betraying hurting, “helps sales”? What a *fucked up* world we live in.

          I just wrote to his publisher, stating how gross I thought his behaviour, and that now I knew about his lies and betrayal I would never buy another book of his. (OK, I’d never buy another book anyway, but that’s because he’s a shit writer). 😂

          I wish everybody here would do the same.

    • I thought it was just me because when I read the da Vinci code I was physically miserable. My daughter read it and had the same reaction. It is such a con because you have a build up and then a cliffhanger at the end of each chapter. There was never a time that I was reading that book that I had any enjoyment of it. I’ve never read another one of his and I did not see the movie. For some reason this does not surprise me that he lived a life of deceit. If you write books for a living your story is going to come out one way or another. His was not so hidden in his books.

  • I may find myself in shoes that came from Blythe’s shoe store at some point.

    A year after he left, I discovered he had hidden money from me during our entire mirage (20 years). The Craigslist cockroach opened a hair salon during their affair….I may be the owner of a hair salon for all I know. I was advised to slow down and look around during the divorce and be on the lookout for hidden money (we own a business we co-founded). His desire to Hurry Up was all about trying to get away with things. In my case taking my time was a good idea. I would not have found the termites and dry rot he was trying to hide otherwise.

    I will be able to, and definitely will, sue him if/when more financial deceit is discovered. It’s safe to assume I’ll find more, and according to my lawyer and the settlement I can sue if I do. I will.

    Freisians are super cool horses. I have a friend who has two. But I’d never want one, or anything else, in the way this cockroach acquired hers.

    • I hope you do sue.

      For me even if a lawyer got it all I would still sue. As long as I didn’t have to pay for any of it. Screw these assholes and the whores they rode in on.

      In my case the fw just a few years after D ended up filing bankruptcy due to his gambling, so he took care of it himself.

    • Klootzak has gotten two raises at work in the last 4 months. The later one was bigger as it was a promotion and not just an annual atta boy for staying here another year raise. Yet, mysteriously, there is not a penny more hitting the banking or investment accounts. 🤔

      You have me wondering if I am invested in a hair salon somewhere!

    • Velvet Hammer I see you refer to your lawyer, but a good forensic accountant can uncover everything!!! More than you can do on your own… just sayin”❤️❤️❤️

  • As someone who spends quite a bit of time in the horse world (just purchased my second “divorce horse” I call him), CL’s description “you’re a wallet in a turtleneck” is spot on. Trainers are looking for wealthy sponsors to pay their bills, and it’s not uncommon for a mega sponsor to buy outrageously expensive horses, build facilities etc for their trainer. Nor is it uncommon for lines to be blurred – it’s everywhere. It’s everywhere. My X-FW was a doc, and people are surprised to find out how much crazy (adulterous) stuff goes on in hospitals; well, barns aren’t as comfortable as hospital beds but it’s everywhere there too.

    Nonetheless I’m glad Mrs. Brown was able to sue and get hers. Mine suddenly announced after the settlement that he “found” a pension he “didn’t know he had” and then proceeded to bully me to try to get me to let him have it all. Nope.

    • I had an ex-boyfriend who got chumped by his horse-trainer girlfriend schtupping the married-wealthy horse owner (aka FW). Wifey moved out, bimbo moved in. Wifey got financial revenge in court. FW got depressed. Bimbo calls my then-boyfriend to get back together. To her shock, he passed on that. We eventually broke up not because of cheating but going in different directions….and surprise surprise we are still friends.

    • Put All the Queen’s Horses on your pandemic watch list if you haven’t seen it. A stunning case of fraud involving Horse World.

      The expense (money and time) is what keeps me out of the saddle. I am happy to borrow someone to ride.

      • VH, where are you located? Anytime you come through MN I’ve got an extra horse you can ride. Weren’t you the one who loved to go to Lanikai? If so my daughter treated me to a sunset trail ride last year for Xmas that was truly a delight. Hawai’i polo club I think it was.

        And agree with the expense, that’s why I call horse #2 my “divorce horse.” I hung in there with Dr. FW, withstood all of the “you don’t deserve 50%! Any judge will say you weren’t even a good wife! That’s MY money, not yours!” abuse and got a good settlement. Amazing how quickly they go from sobbing and sorry to not sorry and it’s my money.

        Thank Goodness for CL, CN – a very happy new year indeed!

        • I am in a horse town in California north of San Francisco. And yes, Lanikai is my home away from home. Good memory!

          I vaulted in high school and can’t even get up on a barrel now! Back in the 90’s, my childhood best friend was killed when her horse spooked and kicked her in the back of the head while walking him into the stable. Another friend was thrown by her “bomb-proof” dressage horse and broke her back. I got spooked and stayed away from horses for a long time. I’ve been thinking about sponsoring for my bucket list. My enthusiasm to rejoin the living has corresponded with COVID restrictions and it’s frustrating. My grandfather’s family were breeders from upstate New York and I think there must be something in my own bloodline that keeps me attracted to all things equine. 😊

          I went riding on Kauai but it was a disappointing nose-to-butt experience compared to riding out to the beach where I live.

          Having a world-wide network of fellow chumps to meet up with is a huge blessing; I’d rather be friends with you guys than married to him any day of the week!

          When I called a meeting with a therapist to discuss a resolution about the hidden money, which I was able to remain outwardly calm and civil about despite my off the charts anger, he went into full on deflect-and-attack, “You know, I talked to someone who said I have a case against YOU for mismanaging money during our marriage. It’s clear you were not acting in the best interests of our family!” I quote. You read that right. My jaw was on the effen floor. The liar cheater thief who was financially incommunicado during our marriage and would not speak up even with the therapist in the room. He agreed to a fraction of what he hid and continued his deflect and attack campaign on that issue the whole divorce.
          He can keep the money but he can never have integrity, which will deliver its own stellar consequences.

          • Thank you for just saying the word Lanikai today! It’s cold & rainy this week in the East Coast town I live in now, but I lived in Kailua and rode my bike through Lanikai when I was a teenager. Those are wonderful memories I didn’t lose in the divorce! Sometimes our greatest assets are our memories.

            • Meg, my daughter lived in Kailua when she was stationed there (Navy) and I was lucky enough to be able to visit her and be able to run there when my world exploded with FW. He never came with me, so as you said, he is never a part of those heavenly memories. Cheers to you.

            • So true about the memories.

              Mine were long ago, but I swear our best times were when we lived in Waialua HI. He was in the Army stationed at Helemano.

              My son was 14 months when we moved there. We lived in a little Quonset hut on the beach. No money, but so much fun.

              I spent so much time with my son on the beach that I can effectively just write fw out of the picture. My mom and dad were able to visit, and we showed them a good time.

              I don’t know if fw was cheating then or not, but I will say he went all out to make a nice visit for my parents. For that I am grateful. This was in the early 70s and it had not changed much since WW2.

              I went back in 2002 for work, and my now husband went with me. We went to the site where we lived, the hut was gone, but you could still see the imprint in the lot. So many changes.

              We loved all the military historical sites.

          • VH – what is with these “I talked to somebody” assholes? Mine used to throw those things in my face as well – including his lawyer – “my lawyer tells me I could have a case against you for stealing my money.” because, imagine that I spent some of our marital funds before the divorce. My lawyer said “you can’t steal what’s already yours.”

  • He’s a disgusting liar and backstabber

    I’ll bet he has a history of plagerizing right from college days. Many of these people have a lifelong history of being liars and cheats.

    It would make a good Friday topic………… was your ex a cheater in other areas of his/her life as well ?

    Mine was. Exaggerating insurance claims, sick notes to get a lot of uneccessary time off work, screwing his family in his mothers estate etc.

    • Yep! Mine cheated on his taxes. In fact, he floated the lame excuse that the affair started when he was being audited by the IRS. Yeah, as if that “stress” forced him into an affair. More like, he was a cheat by nature, saw an opportunity, knew he could deceive me (he did for over a year).

      He also would say shit like “sidewalks are for rule-followers, I like to make my own path”. And he’d purposely walk through the grass. I stayed on the sidewalk anyway – I didn’t feel the need to follow him.

      He liked to take advantage of events with free food, and he would stick around after to take home extras. Always working the system.

      I remember reading here that if they cheat in one area in life, they tend to cheat in others, because that lack of morality is a character trait.

      • Ha! My cheater dad did all those things. He even wanted me to write a book with him. We would drive around the country as crashers to events with great food and entertainmant, then write about how we did it (before the wedding crasher movie came out). He also wanted to buy a bar and I would help him run it (while he drank, I’m sure). I said no thanks to both.

    • Mine lied about his proficiency in the English language to get out of jury duty, pirated videos until out ISP threatened to cut us off, and took exams for his tutoring students/APs in exchange for $. After the divorce he also attempted to cash a stimulus check made out to both of us. Dishonesty really does spill over into all other parts of their lives.

    • Klootzak claimed stuff toward his disability with VA that I find highly questionable, the biggest being his claim for sleep apnea. His drinking buddy from his last command wrote a buddy letter for him alleging he heard klootzak stop breathing at night when they shared a hotel room on a work trip. I had never, ever heard klootzak stop breathing while sleeping. He knew better than to ask me to tell a doctor something I could not attest to honestly. The military tested him with an at home test device which klootzak removed after a few hours saying it was uncomfortable. And somehow by magic, the VA said they had enough info from it to substantiate a mild sleep apnea. He also claimed tinnitus which he never once mentioned having before he started prepping for military retirement. He has never talked to me about these things – ever. I think he is milking the system but some doctor with Veterans Affairs signed off certifying that he supposedly has these things.

      One of klootzak’s favorite sayings was “If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying hard enough,” which he alleged was a saying about trying to find shortcuts to do work more efficiently. It seems to be his personal motto, though.

      • I’ve never heard that saying before but the fact that it exists for people to trot out says a lot.

        On the topic of cheating as ‘winning’ or ‘trying your best,’ I just started playing Among Us for the first time this holiday with my nieces. I’d been just playing by the rules, doing what I’m supposed to, until I hung out in the chat. The game works by alerting the rest of the crew / game players when one thinks they’ve found the Impostor (the cheater!), so that they can boot them off the spaceship and live.

        Watching the actual impostors accuse other people and straight up lie about who/what they’re seeing during the game, to get innocent players kicked off the ship, has been enlightening! It’s so basic, and even my 8-year-old niece can see that it’s an effective way to play the game if you are in the role of the Impostor. And once you as a player realize that, everyone who makes an accusation, real or not, seems like another player in the devious game; one can never be sure about their motives.

        I don’t know why games of my era, like Clue, or other kids playing wounded to cheat on games, didn’t teach me better. Perhaps, as someone who managed to do ok without lying, the basic advantages of deception were lost on me until I realized how I’d been getting taken advantage of.

        I’m not sure if there’s a way to gauge character in Among Us. But watching a bunch of gamers gang up on innocent people, calling them sus, to get them kicked out has just made the politics of academia make so much more sense!

        (I too have been a sucker for ‘intelligence.’ I remember once telling a girlfriend that a guy I’d met used the word ‘equidistant’ casually and I fell for him right then. He was using that move on lots of girls, though! 😉 )

    • Well of course, because I think the general theme with Narcissists is that the rules don’t apply to them right? I have a long list, but don’t want to spend too much time thinking about him – but you had me at taxes.

  • OMG! The first rule of any type of relationship with a horsewoman is the horse will always come first, second, and third. LOLOLOLOL Just bless his heart ….. he was taken for a very expensive ride (no pun intended) which it appears he clearly deserved.

  • Another element of sleaze is that–with the exception of the politician–he was essentially banging “the help”–women in service positions (personal trainer, horse trainer, hairdresser). Sleazy AND lazy! So gross.

    Like he thinks he’s postmodern Henry VIII, hitting on the ladies in waiting. Ugh.

  • Good for his ex wife.
    Sadly, he’ll have no shortage of people waiting for a bit of his purse. I feel nothing affects these types. Ever

  • Wait, wasn’t that book about Jesus’s secret sex life? Who would have imagined that a man who hypothesizes the core missing fact about Christianity is Jesus’s unacknowledged paramour might himself be enjoying unacknowledged paramours. And what are the chances he also sees himself as a god?

    I hope his EX got a divine settlement.

    • Yeah, like the guy who wrote The Bridges of Madison County, a novel about a married woman having an affair. After he became famous he turned around and did the same thing to his wife.

  • Ex was a summa cum laude graduate of Ivy League business school under grad. There’s only one 🙂
    And MBA from equally prestigious grad school

    Hired by most prestigious consulting firms and banks
    So arrogant. So entitled. Feigned modesty
    So misogynistic
    Waste of degrees. His only real talent was manipulation and deceit. And he was proud of it
    People would slowly catch on. Then, it was all my fault of course. If only I was. Fill in the blank
    he would have been fine
    Currently he has no job. Huge crash and burn. But I take no pleasure In that. Too much bad karma

    • My ex, The Python, didn’t have a bunch of degrees. But like your ex, his “real talent was manipulation and deceit.”

      Throw in a quick wit, and it helps to explain why I was completely taken in by it all. He could lie on the fly and I had no clue.

      Sometimes I feel stupid for being duped, but mostly I realize he was just so damn good at being a con artist. It’s both amazing and sickening that people can be so skillful at being dishonest.

      • Do not feel duped, but I understand
        I was conned too
        We are targeted precisely because we are good partners
        Healthy people trust and love
        Mine was funny too
        Very disorienting because narcissists supposedly have no self deprecating humor, but he did.
        He knew he could manipulate by being funny
        Such a waste of talent lost to the worship and thrill of selfishness and cruelty, deceit and “ winning”
        Again no pleasure in it for me, but it backfired on him as well.

    • In the same boat, Meanwell.

      Knave-man dropped his H-bomb often to get APs, but did not use it for steady employment, citing the constantly changing environment of the media business.

  • These extreme stories of cheating continue to remind me that my “nice guy” ex conspired with another person to destroy the life we built together, that he did this with no significant discomfort to himself and he denied the facts as I discovered them.

    That makes him evil. Why is this so acceptable to society?

    • Exactly what happened to me. When they are a charming nice guy….they get away with soooooo much. Zero consequences from work. He’s such a great guy, I think people felt badly for him. It must have been hard on him, falling in Wuv with a younger married with kids colleague and braking up 2 families to be with his latest Twu Wuv. He’s such a great guy, and look at the Facebook pics, she’s stunning and in Wuv with him. They’ve been through so much. We must have had a secret terrible marriage and I must have secretly been a shrew! We looked so happy, but you never know what goes on inside a marriage!

    • I don’t get this either. My Ex is still called a “nice guy.” He was the fun-loving outgoing one in our relationship. I struggle with depression and anxiety. Maybe that’s why so many people I thought were our friends, our families, and even the church stood by and watched him blow up our 35 year marriage and go off into the sunset with a new younger woman. To be fair, she wasn’t the reason we broke up. His earlier emotional affair, his porn/masturbation addiction, and him masturbating in the shower with our 3 year old (24 years earlier) is what destroyed all trust on my part. He started looking for my replacement while we were in marriage counseling. When I found this out, I agreed to the divorce. She came along while we were divorcing. Why is infidelity blamed on the faithful partner? He didn’t even have to hide that relationship. I learned of it while still pay the bills for their dinners out several times a week. I asked him about it, he denied it, then I ran into them while out on a walk with my friend. Why is watching porn and masturbating so much that nothing works in a real relationship acceptable? Is it really okay to masturbate with your young child and keep it a secret for 24 years? What does a woman tell herself when she is dating a still married man? He and she are living the life we planned…retired, traveling, and spending time with family. I’m finally beginning to breathe again. Its doesn’t seem fair.

      • Dear ChumpyChump, it isn’t fair. I’m so sorry that you’re having to handle this. Chump Nation often says that the real win is you being able to live an authentic, honest life and get your self-respect back. It may not seem much for you right now, but it is the real prize. Hugs x

      • “him masturbating in the shower with our 3 year old”

        😱 🤮

        Just when you think you’ve heard every fuckwit crime imaginable….

        “Is it really okay to masturbate with your young child and keep it a secret for 24 years?”

        People go to jail for that shit.
        I’m betting schmoopie doesn’t know he’s a child sex abuser. I hope he is never left alone with grandchildren.

      • Interestingly,
        no depression since x is out of the pic.

        The life you thought you had is not the life you had nor would it have been very much fun doing your retirement with liar cheater abuser fraud inappropriate x.

        x is a ‘nice guy’ except he isn’t. You know it know, even if others don’t.

        Processing the events takes some time and mourning the losses that you certainly experienced take time and reframing.

        Being away from x has allowed me a lot of recovery and healing. I didn’t know ( for certain) what an energy suck he is.

        Glad, so so glad, to be free of his entitled adult toddler poopy diaper face sad sausageness.

    • IcanseeTuesday,
      I feel the same. My ex never voiced any unhappiness in our marriage. But, he conspired with his young coworker to destroy our marriage and then denied there was a woman involved.

      It’s not acceptable. It’s abuse. And, I will be happy when society and law recognize it as such.

      If you’re going to have the balls to start and affair with a young coworker and blindside your wife of 30 years with the “completely out of nowhere” news, at least have the balls to be honest and tell your wife (or in the case of a woman, tell your husband) the truth of what went down. Put on your big boy or big girl pants and ‘fess up to what has been going on.

      Instead, they run away like children. We’re left to wonder if anything of our past lives was ever real.

      It’s trauma. And, I wish I could take my ex and his new wife to court to secure some financial restitution for blowing my life and world up into a million little pieces and leaving me in a bad way for retirement. When does the betraying spouse pay for that pain and mental suffering caused?!

      • Mine wanted me to believe that he was leaving suddenly, because he all of a sudden wasn’t happy. He should have won an academy award for his ‘I am not having an affair’ performance. But of course, he was only trying to spare my feelings, because he’s a great guy.

        • Zip,
          Oh, yes, mine denied, denied, denied he was leaving for the coworker that he talked about non-stop for about six months. “There is no-one else, ” he said. He just suddenly was not in love with me anymore – despite all the loving Facebook posts he made about me leading up to his departure – and the loving comments to me in private – and the fact that we were building our dream retirement home together. He could have won an Oscar for the performance he put on. And, then, once he left, he was evil to me and still is.

          But, Kharma will take care of business. It’s way too far above my pay grade.

      • It’s insidious operations through the veil of darkness that cheaters hide in and under. How a person can lie so effortlessly gas lighting and future faking as if everything is fine in the relationship with no remorse or conscious is beyond me.

        There should be extra extra compensation in a divorce for the faithful partner. Wouldn’t it be nice if the AP also was held to pay a fee! Imagine the look on Miss Horsey Dressage whore’s face if she also had to give said expensive horse to wife, cheater also paying the $350k value of horse and out of APs own pocket a portion of the money he gave her as well. Think she may have passed on old has been book writer.

        Before no fault divorce at least the cheater got less. I don’t know why this changed to no fault in so many states. It’s especially hard IMO for older chumps who were counting on the retirement nest egg as a couple to enjoy retirement and security together in the golden years rather than post divorce figuring how to just make ends meet. Not fair at all.

  • What type of grown educated woman would want to have an affair with a ‘cleft-chinned (married) dunderdouche’? People who take part in and profit from the whole cheating abuse cycle need to be outed (along with FW) for what they are.

    • I agree.

      I get so tired of the cheater is the problem not the adultery partner. Plenty of blame for them both.

      They both know (with rare exception) they are in the act causing great damage to at least one other person, usually a lot more.

      • I, too, believe that the people who take part in breaking up a marriage and hurting the spouse need to be held accountable. The spouse incurs monumental pain for their deception. The spouse is often times hurt financially. If the affair partner were held accountable, lawfully or financially, maybe they would think twice about their involvement.

        My ex’s young wife is soon to be a woman’s physician. I think she completes her degree this year or next.

        She also has two other prior degrees but hasn’t held a long term job – so this may just be another degree to keep herself looking like she’ll eventually hold a job.

        Of course, my ex is paying for her degree, her housing, her food, her clothing…an engagement ring, a wedding….It’s a pretty good gig for her.

        When I ask my ex to help me with vet bills for the two dogs he left me with, he tells me he just can’t manage it on his six figure salary. Uh-huh.

        But, my point of this blather is…what woman would want to receive care from a woman doctor that knowingly stole another woman’s husband? Maybe a person’s character should be considered, especially when hiring someone such as a doctor.

        • No, affair partners do not need to be “held accountable”, the AP wasn’t married to you and they aren’t responsible for blowing up the marriage- your ex FW is,

          The idea the adultery should be punished by law is atrocious. You don’t need legal solutions for relationship problems, what the actual F.

  • My ex husband *loved* The DaVinci code and seemed as though he thought of himself as very academic after having read it. He’d try and have religious debates with me about Mary Magdalene being Jesus’ wife after he’d read it and I just wouldn’t. Not because I don’t think there might be merit in the idea, but because there was no way to discuss the idea with him thoughtfully without his anti-Catholic bias being on full display.

    Interesting that Dan Brown is outed in such a way. I shouldn’t be surprised that a fraud strikes the chord of other frauds.

  • I know Best Regards spent marital assets on his AP. He may also have hidden assets in the months leading up to the abandonment: not a ton probably b/c I had a pretty good running idea of what our assets were and what our cash flow was, etc., but he might have squirreled away or spent a chunk of change I didn’t know about over time. I wouldn’t put it past him. A cheater is a cheater. But ultimately I decided to forego a formal discovery process and went the no-fault route to get the divorce concluded as quickly as possible so I could go NC and stop the hemorrhaging (financial and emotional). I still think it was the best decision even though I undoubtedly left some $ on the table. But who can put a price on peace of mind? As my sister said, “Just consider it the Asshole Tax you paid to get him out of your life so you could move on with it.”

    • “Just consider it the Asshole Tax you paid to get him out of your life so you could move on with it.”

      Winner winner chicken dinner!! Please thank your sister for us

    • I was the breadwinner so I get the honor of paying him half of everything I earned while he didn’t work. It kept me from leaving for a long time. I couldn’t stomach the injustice.

      But a few days ago I thought – “How much would I pay to get out of prison?”

      If I was unjustly behind bars I would bankrupt myself to prove my innocence. Freedom is priceless.

      • I think you mean “he would have gotten his half of the marital assets”, don’t you? Because when only one person is working, it’s both of your money. Or is that only true when the non-working partner isn’t an asshole? (The law doesn’t differentiate)

  • Hoping Blythe will recover from the humiliation not of herself but of marrying this man. He appears to be a very little man in so many ways. All of us here having lived through the cruel disregard of a contemptuous and dismissive spouse understand her situation all too well. We want justice for you Blythe, recompense. By having multiple hidden affairs plus stashing away the family money for his own illicit purposes shows how callous and sadistic his twisted little mind actually is. Cold, cruel, vindictive, entitled, people living lives of deceit cause such misery. Turns out Blythe can not be used and then thrown out with the trash. Got to deal with the consequences, haven’t we just?

    • “but of marrying this man”

      Now that is gold. I am still embarrassed that I married fw. I really am. I was young and had no way of knowing who he really was, still… very humiliating.

  • I grew up with parents who were teachers, worked for many years in academic environments, have a MA myself, plus hours. It is my belief that someone can perform well in an academic environment, and not have a shred of common sense. I include myself in this observation — I perform well in school, but I made spectacularly bad choices in marriage. I have friends through music connections who struggled to complete high school or could not finish school due to economic realities. They have a wealth of knowledge they willingly share with me, and skills beyond my wildest dreams. They also have a sense of morality, usually, and live their lives in a way which demonstrates it.

    Intelligence is narrowly defined, IMHO, in western cultures. I don’t know about other cultures. I learned when I worked in college admissions that test scores do not tell the whole story when predicting success in college. Determination and diligence are far more important, IMHO.

    Another observation, in my experience — academic degrees are often resented by those who do not have them. The Business world does not always give preference in hiring and promotions to those with degrees. Sometimes they need the credentials to obtain government contracts, but they only trot out “the professor” when the title is attached to an economic advantage. Some of the most financially successful businesses I know have been started by people who do not hold an academic degree. Sometimes people who are academically gifted lead lonely lives, because they do not relate well to other “average” people.

    I think that cheaters and liars will use anything they have in their bag of dirty tricks to mislead chumps. I have no pity to spare when knowing OW/OM lose to them. But chumps who have provided years of dedicated TLC believing they are in a monogamous relationship and are working toward a shared life goal should be able to collect all that is legally allowed, and then a bonus for enduring the sheer audacity and callous behavior of these FW’s.

    Celebrity seems to lead to a whole series of entitled behaviors. Maybe being “Almost Famous” is better for your soul?

    This particular case seems full of stereotypical behaviors to me. No matter the profession, those who “breed” for economic incentives or who use their economic advantages to obtain a breeding partner seem bound for disappointment. I never fell in love or married for money, and the times I remember as happiest in my life were when I was under the delusion I had found someone who really cared about me. (See my comment above about academic success having no bearing on common sense,) If you are seeking love, or giving love as part of a horse trade, you are missing the whole point.

    • When I met Attila the Nerd, he was just out of University and unemployed. I often paid for our dates.
      30+ years later he whined to schmoopie, herself a gold-digger who admitted to being with her husband for his money, that I was only with him for money.
      Sheer audacity and callousness is right.

      He was the first one in his family to earn a degree. Big fuckin’whoop, his BSc in Computer Science . He’s an idiot about everything that really matters, but boy, he can he ever write code, fix software glitches and whatever other stuff he does that bores me silly, though I never let on until after D-day. He thinks that makes him a grand success. Nah, he’s a loser at LIFE.

    • “But chumps who have provided years of dedicated TLC believing they are in a monogamous relationship and are working toward a shared life goal should be able to collect all that is legally allowed, and then a bonus for enduring the sheer audacity and callous behavior of these FW’s.”

      I agree 100%. The only way to stop the bleeding of spousal partners making bad life choices is to hold them accountable. The mental torture they leave with us needs to be recognized as abuse. And we must be allowed to seek retribution. Otherwise, I don’t see a point to marriage at all.

      I, for one, lived most of my married life alone so that my ex could travel to all his business partners and conferences around the world. I did not want that life for myself. I wanted a life with a partner who was there for me and wanted to be there for me. In retrospect, I spent 30 years living alone with a ghost who visited as his schedule allowed. I should have left him when I was in my thirties. Instead, I supported him as a good wife is supposed to. Now, the much younger, other woman gets to live off his salary and 401k that I helped him build by supporting him. I, meanwhile, wonder if I’ll ever have enough to retire.

  • Written specially for our Brit chumps, with the right spelling (I hope) and everything;

    Sung to the tune of Mrs Brown You’ve Got Lovely Daughter
    By Herman’s Hermits

    Mrs. Brown you’ve lost a douchey tosser
    He shagged the slag who kept his horses shod
    It’s now clear enough he’s a low down filthy sod

    You’ve got compensation for the things he bought her
    Three hundred fifty grand to grease his rod
    Worth all of that if you’re low down filthy sod

    Walkin’ about, some fine Tuesday
    You’ll laugh about how you made him pay

    If you ever see him and he hoovers
    Favour him with a cool, dismissive nod
    Don’t let on, don’t say, “You broke my heart”
    Yeah, fuck that guy, he’s a low down filthy sod

    Walkin’ about, on Tuesday next
    You’ll laugh about those turtlenecks
    Because you’re a queen and he’s a low down filthy sod

    Mrs. Brown you’ve lost a douchey tosser
    Mrs. Brown you’ve lost a douchey tosser
    Mrs. Brown you’ve lost a douchey tosser

    • 😂😂👏👏😂😂

      That’s *brilliant*!

      I’m a UK chump, and I loved Herman’s Hermits. Showing my age. 😜

      • I like HH too, In fact I am stuck in the 50s and early 60s. I had a brother 9 years older than me and he was a singer so I listened to 50s music a lot in my early years. I also married a man 10 years older than I, and he also loves the same time frame of music.

  • “WeAreTheChumpions ”

    Couldn’t reply straight to you.

    You know I think you are right. My daughter in law said pretty much the same thing. She said, you wouldn’t have put up with his gambling, and she was right.

    In fact I remember once when I ask him why he was doing this to us, he said “this is who I am”

    So to me he tried the straight life and just couldn’t hack it. Sad really, he gave up so much and the least of it was me.

    Had he chosen a hot 20 year old, she would have drained him and walked away.

    I also agree that though not an absolute, it is a common thread among these cheaters. So hard to be who you really aren’t. Or at least I assume it is, I never tried.

    • It is impossible for them to live an authentic life. We chose the road of authenticity, with more bumps and turns, but ultimately, greater views. That is our reward.

  • Whoever sold him the Friesian stallion took him to the cleaners and added an extra zero to LimiTed Edition’s value. Friesians are God’s way of reminding us that handsome is as handsome does.
    Dan researched horses as well as he researched his book. Do your homework next time, Dan, and go Irish #irishhorsesarethe best

  • That’s an extremely flattering picture of him from waaay back, and yet the douche still seeps through. He looks quite like GoldMember now (google Mike Meyers comedy Austin Powers).

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