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And Just Like That: Pick-Me-Dance Triumph

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As a chump watching the new HBO Sex in the City reboot, And Just Like That, must feel akin to a black person watching Gone With the WindNow THAT is some bullshit.

Can’t you just get over it and enjoy the fashion moment of Scarlet creating a ball gown out of old curtains?

Uh… her snappy outfit cannot transcend the whole lost-cause-civil-war-Mammy mindfuckery.

But, but… it’s ROMANTIC!

I am that killjoy.

Some friends invited me over last night to hang out and we watched a couple episodes. Neither friend has ever been chumped. So they suffer no such discomfort watching ridiculous chump stereotypes — it’s just light entertainment. (As it would’ve been for me as well, pre-D-Day. Hello, Bridges of Madison County.)

But now I am free to snark. So, spoiler alert (on the off chance you’re going to watch this).

Carrie Bradshaw has triumphed. She won the sparkly turd and married Mr. Big. And her eternal reward is an airplane hanger-sized closet to house all her Manolo Blahniks. #priorities

Back story: Mr. Big was previously married to Natasha and Carrie was the OW. But it’s okay, as Charlotte points out because “Big loved you first” — so, it’s not really cheating. Hahahahaha. Even though Natasha met Big in ANOTHER COUNTRY, absent Carrie, it doesn’t matter — Natasha should’ve been aware of Carrie’s cosmic claim on Big’s heart.

Bullshit narrative #1 — it’s the chump’s fault. Stop being an obstacle to their happiness!

So then an epic pick-me-dance spooled out over god knows how many seasons/films where Big “commits” to Carrie, but then bails. At one point leaving her at the altar because, I don’t know, he has a rare jazz LP to listen to in a haze of cigar smoke while profiting off the subprime mortgage crisis. (He Is In Finance. #ooh)

But then Big hoovers. (No, we don’t call it hoovering, we call it ROMANCE.) And he wins Carrie back!

They marry. Twu Wuv. And have many blissful years with their matching ridiculous closets, when Big keels over. Heart attack.

Pick me dance with the great hereafter, Carrie.

My point is Natasha, our chump.

Carrie must stalk her to find out why Big left her money in his will. And finally corners her in a coffee shop.

Bullshit narrative #2 — Natasha is saintly.

She doesn’t want the money!

Bullshit narrative #3 — Natasha’s compassion surpasseth all understanding.

Is Natasha allowed any pain or upset at being stalked by Carrie? No! Carries’ discomfort is what matters most — she has a boo boo! Natasha, perfect mother that she is, immediately helps dress the wound and improvises an ice pack.

A skill which Carrie — who creates entire outfits out of thrift store detritus — cannot do.

Natasha offers succor for Carrie’s loss.

#biggerperson

Bullshit narrative #4 — Natasha is sorry.

But it’s not enough that Natasha must play caregiver to the woman who fucked her husband. Nope, she APOLOGIZES to Carrie. And confesses, that yes, Carrie is the One Big Really Loved.

“I’ll never understand why he married me when he was always in love with you.”

Uh, because he’s a fuckwit? Because he didn’t love anyone except his narcissistic, commitment-phobe self? Because he thrilled to the power trip?

No, people! Natasha must bow and scrape and recognize the superiority of Carrie in Big’s affections.

Not to be outdone, Carrie is sorry too. “For everything.”

For wearing a tutu after age 50? For letting her Manolos get wet? Hey, a nebulous apology can go any way you imagine it. The point is, the Heart Wants What the Heart Wants, and Natasha understands that now and has apologized.

But she draws one boundary:

Carrie must not follow her on Instagram.

***

Tracy, I don’t know, that’s a really excruciating punishment. However did Natasha get so uppity? Must we give her a boundary? Natasha should give her boundary away to a deserving orphan along with that million dollars she’s too noble to accept. And then she and Carrie should become friends, united in their Love of Mr. Big and the patriarchy. And wear snazzy outfits.

That might be next season. I won’t know.

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Please, please, please a call out all the chumped Hollywood producers. We need story lines which honestly portray the abusive nature of narcissists and cheating, the shortcomings of the legal system, the vileness of flying monkeys and the mightiness of surviving infidelity.

    • Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That, has a novel (yes, as in fiction) out about exactly this topic. Maybe it will be made into a movie.

      • Yeeeeeees. Watching people rise above and not do the pick me dance is amazing. Seeing people behave in healthy manners and showing repercussions for their own actions is where it’s at.

        Cheating shouldn’t be glorified or romanticized (cue Miranda “I’m in my own rom-com”) Its not. Its ugly, dirty, and the Chumped are made to feel like they’ve done the wrong thing through out.

      • It got me right in the heart when Ted told Rebecca, “You think you’re the only one who can see who he truly is. But you’re not.”

        That means the world to a person hurt and discarded by a narcissist piece of crap.

    • Would love to see the scenes where the RIC counselor is called out and the Switzerland friends are given the ‘Well, actually there aren’t two sides to the story” slap down.

      • In the limited series “Maid’ on Netflix, there’s a scene where this young mom sees a friend for the first time since she took her child and ran from her abusive, alcoholic boyfriend. Their friends are all over social media in pictures with him. Not one of their mutual friends has called to check on her. The only time a mutual friend calls is when they can’t find her ex when he should be at work (he works at a bar, and his best friend works there, too.)

        When the main character sees a mutual friend for the first time, the friend says “Hey, I’m Switzerland.”

        The lead character retorts: “You’re not, though.”

    • Well don’t ask Shonda Rimes. I, uh, think she must have somehow personally invested in the FW narrative since everything she writes and produces is basically an attempt to justify and romanticize side-piecing and cheating. As someone who worked in media, believe me, that’s definitely a standard career track in that industry. It’s chock full of married pervs foisting quid pro quo propositions on mostly unwilling targets, though there are plenty of willing targets. I’m so proud of my body count… of people I didn’t sleep with to get ahead, yuck.

      Rimes general story arcs made it even funnier when Patrick Dempsy, aka, Dr. McDouchy, was fired from the show and killed off for doing exactly what his character did: fuck an intern while married.

      Btw, I was never a fan of any of these shows and never watched them in real time. What little I’ve seen of Gray’s Anatomy makes me puke: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax4Hu1zuGkI

      I made a little study of Rimes because cheating was such a common theme in DV when I was a victims’ advocate. Looking into how media spins abuse as “not abuse” seemed really relevant. There was an actual study of what TV shows “other women” watched, possibly for a sense of exoneration, and Gray’s Anatomy, Scandal and One Tree Hill were among them.

      • I couldn’t get past the first few episodes of Scandal.

        At first, I thought the show was about an interesting professional woman running a PR firm. If they’d kept that as the focus, it would’ve been cool.

        But no, they had to ruin it with an infidelity plotline. The guy she’s screwing is the president of the United States who’s a legit psychopath. And the show wanted us to believe they were star-crossed lovers!

        Who writes this crap? Even hormonal teenagers aren’t this dumb.

      • Shonda Rhimes is the producer of Bridgerton, as well. The “I’ll just pull out and we won’t have kids” storyline is a guidance counselor or health teacher’s worst nightmare.

    • Would love to read books or movies that showcase the devastation and sinister nature of cheating in general within a committed relationship as well as serial cheating.

      There were a few movies regarding sex addiction out there. The one that co-starred Gweneth Paltow was at least addressing that problem but had a very depressing ending. That is actually a credit to the truth of the movie that there are no unicorns that are successful at leaving the addiction behind them. I liked as well because Gweneth is a very beautiful woman and the sex addict still couldn’t stay in the bonds of the relationship. Very sad but life is what it is.

      I was reading a blog that speculates these people were born with abnormal brain makeup which created the vacuum of aberrant behavior later on rather than the other way around that the behavior itself carved out over years of time was then noticable as brain abnormalities on brain scans of sexually addictive people.

      • I believe that. There’s something wrong with them. My ideal weight is 140. That’s where I can wear a bikini and my stomach is flat and people make comments about how I look like a model. I had gained a little weight and at 155 my ex told me I shouldn’t wear thong underwear because I “wasn’t there yet.” Really hurt. When I found out what he was doing I saw that around the same time he told a 400 pound transgender teen boy how beautiful he looked in his thong on the Internet.

        It doesn’t matter what we look like. There’s nothing we can do to stop it. There is something wrong with them.

        • I experienced the same thing. I was criticized for being me. It extended from my weight to my hair color or what clothes I wore. I’m not allowed to wear black. I was considered overweight at 120. It went on and on.

          On D-day #1, I got to lay eyes upon the many, many women he chose to betray me with. They were everywhere from 10 years older to 20 years younger. Not one had a perfect face or body. They had all different hair colors including gray. He had told all these women they were beautiful and raved about their bodies. I asked him when we were in RIC why he never once said I was beautiful. He said because it wasn’t true. Because I was not someone anyone would ever describe as beautiful. Sometimes I could be cute but I could never rise to beautiful.

          He never said that he was lying to the OW in the things he said. He actually believed every one of them qualified as beautiful but I never could. I’m no swimsuit model but I knew damn well there were plenty of days – my wedding day being one of them – when I was beautiful. Any normal man would have said so. It was as though I would never measure up because I was just a spouse appliance.

          And in that moment, I knew there was something deeply wrong with him. Because I wasn’t wanting to be considered better than his estimation of all these others who considered knock outs. I was expecting him to say that I had my moments when I was a knockout, too, but he just hadn’t said so. But there in the counselor’s office, his answer was that no, I never was and never could be as smashing as his sparkle twats. His brain is committed to putting me down and his betrayal high keeps him drooling over any OW like they are a piece of meat.

          It was one of those epiphanies I had that a) how I looked didn’t cause his cheating, 2) I couldn’t prevent what he did, and 3) there was something truly wrong with him mentally. FWs are wired differently. It’s all about the betrayal fix and they will literally not be able to accurately see what is in front of them. Klootzak was drooling over OW who had even more extreme versions of what he pointed to on me as flaws. I’m not trying to disparage the looks of the OW but to say that it didn’t matter what they looked like. The OW could have been and were just any random people who had the same low morals he did. Their willingness to cheat with him was the only factor that made them beautiful. As long as they fed him kibbles, he adored every bit of them. And I had to be the horrible spouse creature with marionette lines he couldn’t bear to look at. His messed up brain wouldn’t have it any other way.

          • That epiphany I am realizing now. It’s true it doesn’t matter how attractive we are. It’s them. It’s the “secrets” they get off on. Getting one over. It gives them a high. Also conquest and the hunt…..they are indeed predators. Then third abuse when they use put downs.

            He told me a preferred very petite schoolgirl type. Scary! Then I saw what he had sought. Some were like this but many others were very different and some downright unattractive. It surprised me to meet one. I couldn’t believe it. Some of his conquests were also men which was a shock. Sooo much for his comment of the young school cheerleader look. He was all over the place. You can’t reason out crazy.

            This isn’t pick me dancing at all but finally reasoning out that there is no logic or truth to these people. It’s always shifting and they like it that way. That is huge in my book to come to that realization.

            Pick me dancing would be the opposite. It assumes he is normal and if we were just this way or that. This other stance is a clear view of seeing the truth of the abuse and mental illness. To me it is much easier to walk away when one accepts that.

          • Mr. Wonderful’s Ex, your note made me well up. What a horrible, horrible person is. So glad you know your worth❤.

      • Yeah, you really can’t let yourself go down that road (this is what I remind myself, whenever I start). At first, I think you have to to a certain extent, to contradict the cheater’s awful and false portrait and narrative of you. But quickly, it can become a cheater-centric continuation of the devaluation and Pick Me. This could go on for the rest of my life if I let it, and to be honest, a less harmful self-devaluation cycle was occurring even before I knew fuckwit.

        I can compare myself to the OWs and come out on top in nearly every way (for whatever that is worth); but I can never be, and never want to be, what set them apart: dishonest, interested in a lowlife cheater, a huge flirt, hungry for kibbles, full of shallow and phony admiration for cheater, manipulative, a secret, willing to sneak around – or a status symbol who is ten years years younger. That’s what they had “over me.” The comparisons stop there, and I cannot try to judge myself by the ever-changing, low standards of a fuckwit liar I don’t believe, respect or agree with. He is no one and nothing, and I no longer have to answer to or prove myself to him. It’s up to me to care about what I care about, live authentically, and stop valuing my worth by what I imagine to be my ex’s distorted perception of me. It’s over with him, so now it’s up to me to be nice to myself. Again, this is what I remind myself, because it’s so easy to fall into the mental, post-cheater Pick Me – sometimes in the guise of confidence and a positive self-image.

    • I think that a lot of people in Hollywood know exactly what narcissism is, and have to deal with narc bosses. I can’t remember names, but I do remember a few articles where producers and actresses clashed because the actress wouldn’t portray a disorder character sympathetically. So I’m sure there are artists wanting to portray it truthfully, but no support from management. But we’re getting closer all the time. There are movies like “Young Adult” and “Frequent Flyer”. Disney portrayed a narc parent realistically back in 2010 w “Tangled”.

      Still, Hollywood sounds like a whack place. There’s Harvey Weinstein, Charlie Sheen, Woody Allen, and assorted baddies whom I don’t want to look up. One appalling story in particular sticks in my head. An actor, Misha Collins, worked on a movie called Karla. Apparently management wanted the actors to make sex-motivated serial killer scenes sexy. The actors/actresses felt so sick they were crying. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that, but I prefer knowing how bad things can get. I had new appreciation for artists who try to create something real, and risk vulnerability in an environment like that.

    • I remain happy to have avoided ever watching any of the incarnations of this show. I have a sore face from all the grimacing I just did reading about it. Hars to believe they’re still pushing this nonsense at people – many of who will wind up repeating what they’re fed over and over.

      Sadly Hollywood is…well let this blog stand as proof of how they have no desire to change the narrative cos they’re all screwing the nanny!

      OK. Not all. I know many who aren’t. But they’re not rich and famous enough to turn the tide.

      Interesting todbit from my FIL though, apparently the Sex in the City ladies are now older than The Golden Girls were.

      The Golden Girls had some issues itself, mostly due to the time etc. There are a couple of episodes I can’t actually watch, but across even the hard ones, they were doing things tv still struggles to, and they did it with a core of kindness. And they’d be damned if they let any man treat them like a chump and get away with it!

      Sorry, got a bit off track there. All we can do is keep lauding the stories that get it right, few as they are… If we keep doing that, soon there’ll be more. Real and lasting change comes in baby steps, not leaps.

    • “The Other Woman”…I found it hard to watch. I didn’t like having to consider the “other woman’s” hardships trying to fit in and be the new mom. I didn’t want to see that normalized. But I appreciated that while it started sort of normalizing what Natalie Portman’s character did stealing the husband, it ultimately is not a happy story. Watching the cheater struggle was cathartic. Watching Lisa Kudrow’s character struggle to keep her chin up and be grey rock, –trying to rise above the situation and maintain her dignity and not get dragged into hate–I could relate so much the movie haunts me a little. Because that’s the line I walk every day trying to be true to myself while forced to interact with “the other woman” in my own story who plays mom to my kids every other weekend.

  • God I hate that show. It set up such unrealistic and amoral expectations for what the new enlightened women should be. Sex without thought or consequence and money and power (patriarchy) the bar for desirability.

  • Can we write alternative plot lines?

    Natasha accepts the money Big left her and spends some of it on a fabulous dinner party to which she invites all the people who propped her up during her divorce. Their continued love and support of her triggers a little light bulb in her head.

    The next morning, Natasha visits a domestic violence shelter, and we hear how women with one pair of ratty shoes and no closet are pulling themselves up by their imaginary bootstrings to craft a new life after leaving a violent, cheating partner. The set designer mirrors all the brunch scenes except they are now set in the dining area of a crisis center. The women are drinking coffee out of disposable cups and saving sugar packets to use later. They are all genuinely nice and supportive of each other. At the end of the episode, Natasha is talking to one woman about a job she can offer her and then she hands the center’s director a donation while thanking her for the work her project does.

    Striding down the sidewalk on her way home, Natasha gets a text from Carrie. We watch her block the sender.

  • Carrie and Miranda are both insufferable this season. Carrie has always been a self-absorbed twit and Big has always been a terrible person. But I always liked Miranda until now….I would love to hear CL and CN’s take on Miranda’s treatment of Steve this season. To me it’s like her character arc in the reboot was written by Esther Perel and she’s justifying her cheating by cloaking it in self-discovery. Painful to watch.

    • Too many plot lines to go down rabbit holes with — but yes, the ONE strong woman character this season is now a closet alcoholic, a cringe-y fan girl, and (I haven’t gotten past the third episode) maybe a cheater too? But it’s okay, because it’s a journey of self discovery. Too many tropes…

      • I am struggling watching it also. I literally yelled at the TV when I saw how Miranda was treating her husband.

        I don’t understand; why cannot television show a long time marriage with their up and downs? That 💩 is hard and the ones who truly make it despite everything are the true bada$$es.

      • yes Miranda cheats on Steve and I really hate that the writers will probably make Steve be “supportive of her journey onto self-discovery”. The one decent no-bullshit character in the show was done so wrong. So happy I skipped watching this reboot. When I was a teenager, I used to love sex and the city. I could not do a single re-watch as a woman, Carrie is the worst self-absorbed, narcissistic person ever portrayed on television.

        Also the original SATC storyline with Aidan, her cheating on him, her forcing him to forgive her “you have to forgive me, you have to forgive me”, then ending the proposal again… then she runs into one of his girlfriends who says “you really did a number on him” and she completely obsesses about it… how can someone dislike her? classic FW, caring only about their image and impression management

        • Steve isn’t decent, though. He’s a cheater — in the first movie. (Yes, I hate that I know this much about these wretched characters). Miranda was the chump there, and after holding out strong she ultimately let’s the RIC mentality of her “friends” get the better of her and gets back together with cheater Steve. So we can let go of the Steve pity party.

          • I always thought the incident of Steve cheating was an example of cheating that is a one time mistake and can be forgiven. He did it once, then immediately confesses to Miranda out of his own guilt not fear of discovery. He’s willing to accept the consequences and goes to therapy and it never happens again. I think there are these rare incidents in real life too, where people genuinely fuck up, but how they handle it shows if they are good people or not. Carrie and Miranda show the more typical pattern tho, lies and sneakiness, disregard for other person’s feelings, blaming the other person and carrying on the affair until they are caught or confess for selfish reasons

            • Where’s the postnup? Where were the years and years of Miranda’s flashbacks?

              Nope, Steve’s no unicorn and tit for tat cheating is idiotic and a sign of poor character. The few exceptions might be in the case of battered women who can’t escape and “slip in despair” (still a bad idea because… who other than another abuser would sleep with someone still married?) or those living in dictatorships who can’t legally divorce their psychotic fascist spouses. The latter is drawn from a true story of the mother of a friend who escaped Franco’s Spain by horseback through the mountains to get away from a murderous Francoist husband who turned out to have attempted to kill a daughter from a former marriage.

              But how often do either of the above scenarios happen in the peacetime west? I worked with battered women and rarely met any who had the emotional resources, trust or leisure to even think about cheating or monkey branching. I was scratching my head during Copola’s “The Rainmaker”. It was complete fiction.

      • Awakening really does wonders to chump’s tolerance levels for BS. So validating to know there are people, my people, out here in CL who can see through these tropes. So much of my time is freed up, now that I’m super selective about the movies/tv shows I watch. Others (non chumped friends and family) made me feel that I need to ‘fix’ my way of thought, being too discerning, being too critical, etc etc. But reading posts like this, really helps in trusting myself and my way of thinking. Something chumps really need. I went back to reading and used to read the best sellers and the most noteworthy non-fiction. Now I happily abandon a book when I sense it’s just BS.

  • So Big probably felt some (teensy weensy) remorse over cheating on Natasha with Carrie….and Carrie doesn’t get that’s why Big left Natasha some money (the only way he knows how to deal with anything is to throw money at it)? Carrie doesn’t get Big felt Little guilty? Of course, Carrie being a cheating narcissist must think there is a more devious answer: that Big was cheating on her with Natasha. I guess that was Carrie’s karma always worried that Big was cheating on her.

  • I have never seen this show or any others since the early 80s, unless it was at someone’s home. The inanity of show like this is why I haven’t had TV in forty years.

    • I hear you! The only reason I have (minimum) cable TV is because I get a better deal on my internet. But I do subscribe to netflix and even so.

      • Netflux was in my son’s room until recently, I asked him to get rid of it when they started showing Cuties (perverted).

        Back in the 80s, starting out in life, someone gave me their small old B & W TV. I had just moved out of state to Napa in the California wine country. There was a show called Falcon Crest, a series about the wine families of Napa Valley who were always feuding, having affairs, and cheating each other out of business. It was so weird to me, because a lot of the clients where I worked were vintners and they weren’t like that. They didn’t wear fancy clothes or put on airs, were decent down-to-earth people. Then the area was hit with a flood and everyone had to wear hip waders and dung out their businesses after the waters receded, including us. The wineries that lost their crops were given grapes from unaffected wineries at a higher elevation so everyone could bottle some wine that year. They came together and helped each other clean up the flood mess. That’s when I knew TV was full of shit. The TV broke down a few months after that, so I never bought another one.

        Also had a friend who had been a TV news camara man in DC, who said they could make eight people protesting look like a riot in the cutting room, with a lead in like “Be Sure To Tune In, Big Riot At Five”! He said the biggest thing he got out of why we need TV is to keep everyone home high on entertainment, emulating people with the perfect home, car, clothes, spend spend spend and instead of using their minds, finding importance in the version of the world presented to them. Opiate of the masses, so to speak.

    • We AreTheChumpions, thank you for sharing this. I don’t have a TV. I was feeling very left out as I don’t know any of these references. I am hopeless at popular culture. I’m glad I am not the only chump who really and truly doesn’t watch TV.

  • Miranda is actively cheating on her husband with Carries boss .

    They were all at Miranda and Steve’s wedding but not one of them has thought to tell Steve because well Miranda just ain’t happy . She was happy enough getting it on with another woman in Carried kitchen but just slipped her mind to tell her husband !!!

  • I’ve only ever seen the movie, and only because I was a friend and jewelry rep for a local jewelry designer whose work was in the film, most famously the scene where Carrie throws her phone into the ocean.

    https://www.vaildaily.com/news/edwards-masha-archer-sex-and-the-city-the-movie-necklaces/

    I had never watched the series and I never knew the back story. Thanks Tracy, for saving me from wasting my time. I don’t have the ability to ignore reality at the level required to watch this series without being angry and upset by the extreme sugarcoating of abuse.

    I will say that the scene from the movie of heartbroken bedridden Carrie on vacation in Mexico was very realistic. But now that I know the backstory, I don’t feel sorry for her at all. And by realistic, I mean that scene very much looked like how I felt and acted, for much much longer, after I found out my marriage was a mirage and there were who knows how many Carrie cockroaches in the walls.

    • Yesterday while cleaning in my office I found another cache of romantic cards he wrote me, which I had saved of course, because at the time I believed him, trusted him, thought he meant what he said to me.

      They are now like worthless currency from a failed state, paper proof of the banana republic I didn’t know I was living in. It was so weird to read them yesterday, knowing what I know now about what was going on at the time.
      It is a total evil mindfuck and I have zero interest in any creative projects romanticizing it.

      Those cards are the physical evidence of why I was so confused and stayed with him as long as I did. And I am not the defective one here. The devil incarnate that I married, who was dealing double time in confusion, secrets, and lies is.

      • The last Christmas card I got read something like life gives you beautiful things, it gave me you. Well, 36 hrs after getting that card was my dday moment. He was gone 3 weeks later. That sentiment still haunts me.

        • Hurts, my ex gave me an anniversary card in which he handwrote “I will love you forever.” Four months later he moved out. I did note to him that most people’s definition of “forever” is more than four months, LOL. Hugs to you.

          • DameChump,

            Ugh! I had a similar experience. On a Valentine’s card four months before he left for his Schmoopie. He wrote: “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me…I love you”. It was signed, “Your devoted Husband”. Four months later, he was gone like a fart in the wind and filed a restraining order against me.

            I keep the cards, because they were my reality during that time. I also keep a copy of the restraining order because that is what reality became. It’s been 8 years. He married Schmoopie 1 1/2 years after leaving and they have a toddler now. (He’s 50). I found that reviewing these items helped my heart and mind catch up.

            • Very similar situation with me after 13 yrs 3 kids he cheated with 21 yr old co worker we are 35 and he filed bs restraining order to apear as victim. Lucky judge saw right through his DARVO Shit and dismissed the frivolous lies and claims. My day was March 6 2021 but he hid affair for 1 yr they moved in in July. They both truly suck

          • What a barbed wire monkey! Hoovering, my ex wrote about how he’d make it up to me and we would spend the next 50 years of our lives together in bliss. He couldn’t imagine his life without me. I believed (or wanted to believe) him enough to give him a chance to “prove his love,” which led to me returning a few months of psychological torture and physical abuse. He proved, beyond doubt, that he did not love me. Then, not a week after I finally left for good (FW STILL begging me not to and insisting on his undying love), I correctly picked up on the vibe that he’d already found a replacement; after all that, it took him only days to monkey branch back to one of the OWs. After 15 years of partnership, after all his lovebombing and empty promises, I was no one. Overnight. (A cycle which, of course, had actually been happening for many years while he led a double life right under my nose, and I felt all the resentment and neglect and evasiveness but was gaslighted into believing I was imagining things or it was my fault.)

            This is exactly why it’s pointless for chumps to get hung up on: Does s/he love me? Did s/he ever? Does s/he love her more? Why? Why doesn’t he love me? When did his feelings change? If he didn’t love me, why couldn’t he be honest and just end it? Did he just want to make me end it because he was too afraid to himself?

            None of it is real or makes sense, from a chump perspective. Anyone capable of serial cheating – and all of the abuse, manipulation, theft and deception that it entails – lacks honesty, empathy and basic decency. Period. They’re fuckwits – batshit crazy, all of them. I think most of us who read here and get away come to this and are able step away from the serious skein untangling relatively quickly, for the most part. For me, at least, it has been way easier to stop blaming myself for my ex’s infidelity and the problems in our relationship; much harder, I find, is letting go of the blame for staying, sticking my head in a blender, not going NC sooner, and investing everything without protecting myself.

            • Every time, over the 7+ year time period when he was cheating on me, that he said he loved me, gave me a gift, accepted my gifts and compromises and love – he was lying. I just didn’t know it. Serial
              cheaters are monsters. How can they not be sociopaths, when you think about it? And this is how they treat people who love and care the most about them. Yikes.

              I guess there is still some skein untangling… but it’s generalized, now. And it’s not because I want to understand a du lait to fix him and save my relationship/life as I know it.

              • ‘du lait’?! Meant ‘fuckwit.’ I don’t know why French autocorrect chimes in when I’m writing in English with an English keyboard.

            • My fw was always telling me we would fix up the house and get new furniture when our son graduated from HS. What he didn’t tell me was he was going to drop kick me when son graduated from HS.

              I believe that his original plan was to leave me the summer after son graduated, but by then we had just gotten the new mayor elected, and he needed me to stay in the picture until he got his captains bars.

              He got them in the late fall of 88, and in Jan of 89 he started acting weird, then by late summer he was actively devaluing me and being really nasty and throwing hissy fits over nothing.

              I believe he was trying to get me to kick him out, so he could get an apartment, then drag whore out of the trailer park for their “first date”.

              Unfortunately for him someone filed a complaint against him to the city counsel on an ethics violation; and his house of cards, right along with his whore fell on top of him.

              No it wasn’t me, I was clueless; but thank God for whoever did.

        • H1,

          A while ago I found the last Valentine’s Day card that Ex-Mrs LFTT sent me just prior to D-Day. Knowing what I know now (the card was about 5 years old when I discovered it while preparing to move house) I’m pretty sure that it won’t have been the only Valentine’s card that she sent that year.

          I torched the card in the back garden because, why the hell not?

          LFTT

          • LFTT, I can relate. I dug a whole in the back garden and torched all the wedding photos (except one of my parents) and buried the ashes. I then tossed my wedding dress in the garbage. Felt really good! 😊

      • I also have a box of cards professing undying love from my ex-wife written to me after the discovery of her first three affairs. What I know now is that she was actively engaging in affair number four (with her boss) at the exact same time she wrote them and gave them to me.

        One of the cards was even handmade, complete with cut outs of famous soulmate lovers from film and literature meant to signify us.

        When I moved out after the discovery of the boss affair, I left all that shit behind, and one day when we were exchanging custody of our daughter, she handed me the box… “Here, these are yours, I made them for you. You keep them.”

        I still have them at the moment in case I need them for reference of her lies (she’s now telling people she never cheated, despite the fact I have a literal entire box of cards apologizing for her infidelity) before the divorce is final, but they’ll be going in the trash shortly thereafter.

        I’ll never be able to comprehend how someone could do that. Mindfuck is the most appropriate of words.

        • I have so many little love notes and texts from him. That was his “love language”, to shower me with affirmations of love.

          But after d-day I realize he loves seducing women, and that’s his actual love language. The OW probably has a bunch of those notes too. And he probably texted her the same love-y emojis and things that he texted me. (I know for a fact that he sent us both the same stupid video he made of himself dancing).

          Yes, I still have those notes. I was thinking for evidence of how he mind-fucked me.

          I don’t need them anymore.

      • I found a still blank (valentine?) in his workshop draw. Silly me, I was looking for a lawn mower manual.

        It had a bird holding a heart and fluttering outside a now open bird cage door.

        I’m triggered now by Victorian bird cages.

      • I did that Marie Kondo thing this month and threw out all the romantic cards and momentos from ex. It felt very freeing. Highly recommend.

      • “worthless currency from a failed state, paper proof of the banana republic I didn’t know I was living in”!!! I’m still laughing as I type this!

        My ex, PhD in English, was the master of hifalutin’ sounding word salad missives, all of which were merely smokescreens meant to confuse and keep me both guessing and compliant. It’s salutary to go back to them periodically, to read them with my ever-more-educated eyes.

        Thank you for that phrase!

      • I had the same experience, beautiful cards where he would write how much he loved me, how happy he was that we found each other, etc. The last one was Christmas, “To my wonderful wife” blah blah, and he told me a week later that he was unhappy & moving out.

        Months later, when I was packing his stuff, I tucked a few of them into each box and bag that I packed. I figured since my lawyer said I couldn’t just throw everything out (the judge would “frown upon” that) I could at least have a little fun. I tucked all the cards, mementos, notes, photos, etched glasses from our wedding, anything I could find went into those boxes and bags, sprinkled throughout for maximum effect. I really hope she helped him unpack 🙂

      • I did the same thing, kept the cards. I threw them away while he was still living there. He saw them in the trash. But why are you throwing away the cards I gave you??? I just shook my head. Couldn’t even respond to that with more than an eye roll.

      • I saved all the beautiful cards and letters FW wrote over the years. Even during the long discard he was prolific. To keep me emeshed my therapist said.
        When i finally kicked him out i put them all in a cardboard box and after the divorce was through i had a burning ceremony with my best friend. We took turns to read them out, cackling at his stupid flowery language as we threw them in the fire.
        Very cathartic.

      • The last face to face conversation I had with FW, I asked him why he wrote me such beautiful cards and told me every day how much he loved me.
        His response: “ I meant it in THAT moment.”
        I use this as a running joke now.

  • I’d never seen the show and didn’t think that cheating would be part of it! Thanks for explaining. I’m glad I didn’t watch now.
    It reminds me of how I played a couple big lottery games here in MI-( only because it had my birth year in the winning dollar amount and was celebrating my birthday over the wknd) and in the midst of my prayers for what I’d do with such money, it included buying a car for this “lady” who decided to pursue my husband all the years we were together while I help raise their child, and can’t seem to get a car or her own place to live for herself and children.
    Mrs CL-
    If anyones invites me to watch sex n the city I’m going to PUKE. But I’m glad I know now! Thank you

  • All very interesting.

    I had a friend who wanted me to watch that series with her but I didn’t see the appeal.

    I just watched the movie Frequent Flyer again, because this whole site reminds me of Shelley Hack’s character. I saw it years ago, before I was chumped, and I thought her actions were too swift, too judgmental and too final.

    My how my perspective has changed!

    Great movie for new chumps to watch!

  • I discovered all too late that SATC was a show that my ex wife lived her life by. If the behaviors were good enough for Carrie & Co, they were good enough for my ex FW. And she cackled about it all with her small group of similarly minded friends (birds of a feather). Her aberrant, secret life and the way she weaponized my love, trust and devotion made for endless hours of entertainment for them.

    Now they’re all well into their 50s and coming to grips with the fact that they’ve been supplanted by a younger generation of vapid party girls. And the married men who used them as temporary conveniences have either moved on to greener pastures or are simply too old to care anymore.

    At some point the high heels and haute couture start to look sad and desperate.

    • I was working in media in NY and LA when that idiotic show first aired. In a typical incident (of which there were many) my close friend got her skirt literally ripped off her body by some douche client as she tried to escape from a car service limo on the way back from a professional function because the douche thoughts all women in NY were SATC chicks. She wanted to press charges but the limo driver played dumb and refused to corroborate (was likely paid off).

      We were all modern, well-dressed fab young women who HATED that show and kind of categorized other women as either SATC fans or SATC-refugees as a litmus test for trustworthiness. SATC was like throwing chum in waters that were already shark infested.

    • “At some point the high heels and haute couture start to look sad and desperate.”

      I would say that always looks sad and desperate. People who are that much into the image they present generally tend to suck. Even worse are the duck lips, frozen foreheads and faces puffed up with filler.

      • I always wondered about those duck lips. I think the influence of porn and how it has seeped into mainstream media and social media has definitely impacted what young women perceive as attractive to men. Very sad.

        • This ☝🏻
          Saw a lovely young woman this weekend who crapped up her face with caterpillar fake eyelashes, heavily stenciled brows, makeup applied with a trowel plus those 🦆 👄. 😬 People were staring all right.

          • I have no issue with make up. But those fake eyelashes that look like tarantula’s are weird.

            Even back when I was working some of the women would wear those and they just looked ridiculous. I don’t get it. Aside from stage make up for folks who are actually performing, why?

            • I see daytime makeup as something to enhance one’s best features, and hide one’s little flaws. And it’s fine to wear no makeup if one chooses. A spackle job or thick Max Factor theater 💄

      • OHFFS, please don’t get me started on this…. Oh well here goes. STBX (will be ex in April) paid for his 32 years younger Schmoopie to get boobs (now she is a 42DDD) and a set of duck lips. Fortunately, that money came from out joint assets so it is going to be returned to me. Why anyone would want to go around with oversized boobs and lips that look like she lost the fight I do not know.
        I like to be fashionable but I try to keep my clothes age appropriate. I am not 50ish going on 20. Yes, I like shoes and nice clothes but I also like to breathe and be able to walk. Sad and desperate is right as is the stuff people do to their bodies in the attempt to look even more sad and desperate. Of course that was one of my many faults is that I was not trying to be more youthful according to the FW. I am not ashamed of my age and that I like being comfortable as well as being myself. Why does anyone want a facade instead of a real person with scars and character?

      • And the makeup. So much makup and crazy eye crap it’s hard to know what they really look like under all that, plus fake hair.

      • I admit that I go in occasionally for some Botox and a little filler. Why? Because when I don’t my face looks tired or angry when I’m not tired or angry. I’m more clear about my life and feeling good about taking my power back than ever. I don’t need my forehead ironed out and I don’t do anything to my lips. I just like to not look drawn or angry when I am feeling good and have plenty of energy. What I see in the mirror doesn’t match how I feel without the help of a few injections. I think the stress of years with klootzak may have caused this. Too many years furrowing my brow and scowling over how I was treated. My face is wearing the abuse. I’m not wearing haute couture and trying to look 20 again. I’m aiming for not angry 50.

        Not everyone who seeks the help of plastic surgery or medi spas or whatever is trying to look like a frozen Barbie doll. It is possible to get some filler or Botox and not look “done.”

        • Agree. That “11” between my eyes always had people asking “Are you okay ?” Better to spend money on dermatologist grade skin products and some treatments (laser is perfect to treat rosacea, sun damage and melisma/age spots) than layering on makeup.

  • All very interesting.

    I had a friend who wanted me to watch that series with her but I didn’t see the appeal.

    I just watched the movie Frequent Flyer again, because this whole site reminds me of Shelley Hack’s character. I saw it years ago, before I was chumped, and I thought her actions were too swift, too judgmental and too final.

    My how my perspective has changed!

    Great movie for new chumps to watch!

    • I just saw it posted here. I wish I had watched that before divorcing the parasite – I would have done a few things differently. The silver lining is now I can be that friend to help guide any new chumps who want to leave in the right direction.

  • Yeah, I used to watch Sex and the City with the X way back in the day when we’d have to go to Blockbuster to rent it. And I was blind to the fact that Carrie was the OW. And Natasha was the Chump. And Big was a narcissistic adulterer.

    I made it to the third episode of “And Just Like That” and called it quits, because the show is tripe. However, I came across a Youtube channel that hilariously reviews the episodes, so I still know what’s going on.

    So now Miranda is the adulterer. Steve is the Chump. Che is the OW/OM. Miranda just wants to be “happy”. Miranda rips Steve’s heart out. Tells him she met someone new. She jumps in a cab and calls her TwuLuv and says she’s on her way to Cleveland. I guess Miranda forgets she has a son at home? No worries. Chumpy Steve will take care of the homefront.

    Well, I’d like to write the next two episodes and the ending to this crap series:

    Miranda gets to Cleveland and is on a twuluv high. She catches Che in bed with another person. Che says they never said they’d be monogamous. Miranda storms out and heads back to NYC and finds all the locks changed on her apartment. As she turns around to head out of the apartment building, she gets served divorce papers. #justiceforSteve

    As Carrie is wandering aimlessly through NYC, she bumps into Aiden. Aiden is looking as gorgeous as ever and Carrie is dressed like Maxine from the Hallmark greeting cards. Carrie goes into charm mode, but older and wiser Aiden no longer falls for her bs. We then hear, “Daddy!!!” and Aiden turns around to see his beautiful wife and three kids walking towards him. #justiceforAiden

    • PERFECTION!

      I used to watch SaTC and just went along with the characters and storyline as they were spoon-fed to me.

      Now, on the other side of D-day, it’s excruciating.

      Well, And Just Like That is excruciating in many ways. It’s not fun or witty. The character arcs are forced and unnatural.

      And well, we have 2 instances of cheating and neither are sensitive to the chumps.

      Gawd, Steve in the most recent episode. So handsome and heartbroken. Yes Steve, you are right, life IS good. Miranda is a snake to you, she always has been, She’s never appreciated him.

      The story line with Che only makes sense if Che is NOT monogamous. Because they have shown ZERO reason why Che should love Miranda.

      • Che has been very clear that they are nonmonogamous AND that they thought Miranda was in an ethical open marriage, They were HORRIFIED when they discovered Miranda was cheating.

        • True, but I don’t know why Che would assume Miranda was in an open marriage if she did not specifically tell her so…Open marriages are not THAT common. The whole storyline makes no sense. They met when Miranda walked in on Che sharing some Mary Jane with Miranda’s obviously young-looking son in the venue of Big’s funeral (don’t why Che would assume Brady was over 18…come to think of it, there are a lot of asinine assumptions in this train wreck of a reboot.)

        • Yeah, but why the hell is someone named Che (as in Che Guevara-Lynch, Latin American/Irish icon with speckled ethics and FW tendencies but unquestionably socialist symbolism) getting with a corporate lawyer wearing $15K in Carolina Herrera, Balenciaga and Dries Van Noten?

          Apparently the show’s costumers used some thrift to stay on trend but it’s freaking expensive thrift from exclusive fashion resale and the not-so-ethical brands are now cashing in from resale. It’s just sweatshop-laundering when done like that.

          • The RealReal (couture consignment shop) gets jacked just like Neiman Marcus in San Francisco.

            • It became fashionable to get designer thrift so prices shot way up and it’s no longer affordable for struggling workers to buy preowned to get out of the fast fashion trap (poorly made, trendy clothes fall apart, fall instantly out of fashion and need replacing).

              Getting preowned and specifically non-sweatshop sourced stuff and non-synthetic is better for the environment and labor practices but a lot of those benefits are lost once the brands cash in.

      • All of SATC is so forced and strange to me now. The show is a bizarre shrine to narcissism, with 30/40-something women acting like sex-crazed mean girls in a boarding school.

  • It’s so hard to watch modern media with friends after you’ve been chumped. So many shows and movies have been ruined for me.

    I’ve never watched SATC though. Thanks for the heads up; I will avoid this franchise.

  • Oh great, more ridiculous female stereotypes…
    It was already questionable in the 90’s but the characters seem to have developed zero self-awareness in over 20 years, and same for the performers it seems. Now that’s just sad.

      • Good for her! I haven’t watched any of the reboots so I wouldn’t know.

        Another positive: at least Big is dead in this one.

            • Not that it makes it any better, but I hope he “died” a horrible death at least. That would make a better statement than “let’s kill this character so that we can still all cash in”.

              • it was a dumb death. Heart attack after doing his 1000th Peloton ride. Carrie finds him still alive in the apartment but DOESN’T CALL 911 like any normal person would.

  • So I am not watching that fuckery! I have no idea who turned TLC on in my house but I am half listening to Sister Wives and although it is not exactly chumpdom it is so triggering. Every time Kody or newest wife open their mouths it is gaslighting, favoritism and bullshit. I feel so bad for the older kids and I hope they all leave those jerks. They are so happy because they have so many people to triangulate.

  • My Dad loved the original series. I’ve never watched a single episode.
    For the first 2 years post d-day watching this type of rocom would bring heartache to my raw emotional wreck of myself. It made me angry.
    I’m must be totally MEH now and I’d prefer watching the colorized WWII series or Predators to SITC.
    The theme of tearing apart a marriage is beneath me. It’s repugnant.

  • The woman playing Natasha is Bridget Moynahan who was pregnant with Tom Brady‘s child when he took up with Gisele Bündchen. I don’t know if he cheated but I do know he moved on pretty darn quickly.

    • (That was the first comment I made on this blog 🤣)

      Looks like Cynthia Nixon’s real life is reflected in the character Miranda. Cynthia was in a long term relationship with Danny Mozes (father of her first two kids). Ends it and takes up with her now wife Catherine something-or-other. I smell a cheater.

      Stores are being robbed of non-essentials (NOT Valjean stealing bread to eat) in NYC (and elsewhere) and dingbat Cynthia doesn’t see what the problem is. People snarked that she should just leave her front door open so thieves can just help themselves. 🤦‍♀️

      My favorite character in “Sex and the City” was the city of New York itself.

  • And as far as ageism – Carrie has now gone back to full highlights instead of showing some gray, and never missed a beat going back to heels after hip surgery. (Even though for a hot minute she went to flats, and complained the whole time).

  • I liked it, too, before I got chumped.

    The show really does encourage selfish behavior in the name of female sexual empowerment. Do what feels good; to hell with the consequences for other people. Also, how had I not noticed Big’s patriarchy and overall shitty behavior in my pre-chump days. SMH!

    Another head scratcher: My pre-chump self enjoyed the series called “The Affair.” 🤦🏻‍♀️Oh, and Bridges of Madison County lover here, too, which I watched after reading and enjoying the book. 🙄

  • I watched the original SATC and enjoyed it for what it was : an enhanced version of “reality” that was intended to be entertaining and provocative, not provide profound insights on life. It had its moments of “depth”, but I never looked for it to mirror my own experiences. Having once been a chump myself, I personally care nothing about the cheating or seeing consequences of the cheating depicted on the show. I loved the fashions and the journey of the four friends. I do understand how it can be triggering for some, though. But in the end, it’s just tv. If anyone watches and believes that they should model their own behaviors after a character, they have bigger problems than Carrie and Miranda being cheaters.

    Regarding the reboot, I don’t think that Miranda is in for a good time with this. I highly doubt that her storyline is intended to glamorize cheating or to serve as an example of what it should look like to “find” ones self.

    • Actually it was based on a column written for the New York Observer by the journalist turned author Candace Bushnell (aka Carrie Bradshaw). So it is actually a documented New York insider’s dating life Bushnell was actually living in New York City. She dated and briefly married ballet dancer Charles Askegard and the columns written by her were adapted into the novel / television / film publishing formats but it is very true to life. It is also a reason why it was so popular as people could relate to the storylines.

      • Adding this quote — your point about it is actually made by Bushnell herself in this revealing interview where she is quoted:

        “ The reality is, finding a guy is maybe not your best economic choice in the long term. Men can be very dangerous to women in a lot of different ways. We never talk about this, but that’s something that women need to think about: You can do a lot less . . . when you have to rely on a man,” Bushnell told The Post. “The TV show and the message were not very feminist at the end.”

        In the interview Bushnell also says people should not base their life on a television show (echoing your point exactly) which since SATC franchise is autobiographical, Can be interpreted as a tacit admission that she herself had not made the best choices.

        https://nypost.com/2021/10/16/candace-bushnell-sex-and-the-city-wasnt-feminist/amp/

        • Samsara – Thanks for this! I actually read the book by Candace Bushnell, so I know that it was based on her own dating experiences. I’m just saying that those experiences were adapted for television, which means that they were dramatized. Scripted tv is meant for entertainment. Period. I never watched the show, “Dexter”, but it wasn’t because I felt that it glamorized killing. I just wasn’t interested. Everyone is free to choose what they like or don’t like. I’m just saying that my expectation of scripted tv is not for the characters to mirror my own beliefs or values. What would be the fun in that? Cheating and cheaters exist. Right or wrong, it is what it is. I personally don’t expect onscreen depictions of “real life” to wrap up perfectly as I think they “should”. Most people posting on this site can attest that life just doesn’t work that way. Just my two cents.

  • Didn’t Steve cheat on Miranda in the first movie? I don’t agree with how she treats him or her storyline but he was not without faults.

  • I’m another life, pre-Dday, XH and I watched SATC, Sopranos, Rome…. And other shows. I didn’t know I was a chump yet and I was ignorant of the extent of the devastation. XH was probably fanticizing he was Big or Tony while he watched beside me.

    Today I won’t watch or read or listen (anyone try Dear Sugars podcast with cheater-pants Cheryl Strayed … 🤬🤮🤬) content. I vote with my feet. Nope, noppity nope. I’m reading the best short stories on 2021 curated by Jasmyn Ward and The beekeeper of Aleppo right now. I’m watching Longmire on Netflix. Reading this site and the NYT (I exclude and ML pro-cheater essays).

    • *sigh*

      X and I watched Mad Men together and really enjoyed it!! I was so happy that we found something that we both liked.

      Little did I know he was taking notes. #dondraperwannabe

    • Learning that about Cheryl Strayed made me sad. I had enjoyed her memoir (and the film), as well as the book collection of her early columns of “Dear Sugar.” When they started up again I read a few and decided fame had gone to her head. And this was before I knew she cheated.

      Never been a “Sex and the City” watcher. It all seemed shallow as well as misogynistic. I hate violence in films, too. Between the two they make up the preponderance of what’s available.

      Thank god for books.

  • SATC has not aged well. And that’s even before the movie misfires. And then of course recently the cheating Big in the series has real life allegations of sexual misconduct as the new SATC went live and several victims came forward. This bombshell results in a cameo by him being promptly edited out of the current series by a “furious” and “heartbroken” Sarah Jessica Parker who made statements in support of the victims.
    So her own character’s on screen sexual, general ethical and moral misconduct over her long historical story arc of being an OW is completely fine (she APOLOGIZED to Natasha, people! After stalking her! But whatevs #getoverit) and promotable as something even *honorable* but she stands by the victims of the real life abuse. And sees no irony whatsoever in her blurry ethics of what she is promoting versus the real world post #MeToo for which her own cast mate is the poster boy du jour.
    Truth and fiction, art and life etc.
    It’s depressing af.

  • Maybe I’m the resident wacko here… my boyfriend and I are enjoying the reboot. Because we discuss what is happening. And how we both ALWAYS hated Big! (Team Aiden here) And in some way I think that Natasha got to give Carrie the big F.U. to idiot Carrie.

    The plotline that’s been difficult has been Miranda (spoiler alert for anyone who isn’t watching or caught up to current episodes). Miranda is a self absorbed cuckoo now. She cheats on Steve but of course “deserves” her chance at self discovery as she has fallen in love with nonbinary Che and wants out of her dull marriage…. So rationalizes cheating on him. But at least Che turns her down when they realize. And I have a feeling Miranda will get kicked in the teeth when she looks for full commitment from Che.

    This show is not going to age well. But for now, it’s good modern discussion. Well, as long as you don’t think any of these people are “good” or worth emulating in any way. I wouldn’t want to be anyone on the Sopranos or Mad Men either (and frankly couldn’t even tolerate watching either)

    • Agreed. That entire show from the get was filled with grown ass adults making selfish bad choices…but it’s entertaining! And, lest we forget, Steve cheated on Miranda…not that it justifies her actions now.

      I find it demoralizing how many shows and movies try to put forth this narrative that, because your marriage has become sexless, it somehow is a green light for cheating. Nope. It’s a greenlight for discussion, therapy, divorce, etc…but not betrayal. So, I don’t like that part of the Miranda storyline, but I do like how they are including Charlotte’s and Carrie’s disapproval (one obviously clearer than the other).

      I definitely don’t like how they’re merging together LGBTQ enlightenment and infidelity. It’s derogatory and speaks to the many unfortunate preconceived notions of several anti-LGBTQ agendas. They should have done better with this.

      • I was actually thankful that although the LGBTQ+ storyline — albeit heavy handed — is mostly positive.

        (Spoilers) Charlotte is trying to be an open minded parent to her child who now identifies as Rock. Che was not aware that Miranda was sneaking around and cheating on her husband and called her out on it.

        These are still broadly drawn mostly 2 dimensional characters, but at least it is more open minded than the usual versions of how LGBTQ+ are portrayed

  • I think the plot line of the star crossed lovers who life has conspired not to be together and they must love each other from afar because cruel fate has assigned them to different partners is one that must DIE.

    There I said it and I’m not apologizing.

    • Yep.

      There was absolutely nothing to stop my fw and his whore soul mate from being together.

      What stopped him was he wanted to build his career and whore couldn’t help him with that, I could.

      • 🙁 Sorry that sucks. I think that part of the subtext is their sole (spelling mistake intentional) mate has to be apart for the love to be meaningful. Otherwise it’s the doldrums of marriage. Hoo-hum pass the ketchup.

        I also told him that I was stepping aside. By all means, go with her but he didn’t want to. He wanted both of us… and he surely didn’t want to live with her despite how amazing she was… huh strange.

        • I think had I discovered what he was doing before he reached his goal, he would have made a big show of dumping her, and tried to convince me to keep quiet rather than ruin his chances.

          Quite frankly, that is really likely a blessing to me that he didn’t get discovered; because I know in real time I would have wanted to believe him, and then I would have maybe believed him and been used as part of his con.

          The way it went down; I knew nothing and it all fell on him and the whore.

          They were both covered with shit, and never got the stench washed off. As CL says, they don’t get character transplants so they both continued to make stupid moves the rest of his life. Unfortunately, my son and his wife had to put up with them. At least for a while.

          I assume she still is, but really the only thing I know is she is living in a run down trailer in FL with her deadbeat father son.

  • The only good thing about it is that they wrote that pervert Chris Noth out of the show. But naturally, only after it went public what a shit he is.

  • Never liked Bridges of Madison County. Even back then, I couldn’t believe a treacly book about cheating had become so popular. I’m assuming I’d hate it even more if I reread it today. More TV shows about what really happens with cheaters and chumps, please!

    • I didn’t like the movie when I saw it many years ago early in my marriage. We saw it with my grandfather after my grandmother passed after a 50+year marriage with no cheating. He hated it too and was terribly upset that his retirement community would play such an awful movie. Ex had no comment on the movie at the time. I guess he can now relate to the heroine.

  • I know something about this crap because I flipped channels enough times and landed on SATC (usually stopped to gawk because I wondered “what the hell is that woman wearing?!”).

    The show was reeking of narcissism, deception (goes without saying, because narcissists), conspicuous consumption, and shallow conversations among people who have little regard/concern for those outside their circle.

    Sad to say, while it may be exaggerated it’s an accurate portrait of a lot of people out there. Watching the way large swaths of the population react to the pandemic I often think of the WWII generation, so many of whom made sacrifices for the greater good both in the military and on the home front. With a lot of people today, it’s all about (thank you, George Harrison) “I, Me, Mine.”

  • I was so hopeful that the reboot would be a fun bit of escapism, which is how I viewed SaTC way back when. Life in the Big City, friendships, relationships, etc.

    They played and mentioned my most favorite Todd Rundgren in the first two episodes and all us Todd heads were thrilled!

    And then it turned into a dumpster fire. The forced wokeness and the cheating…ugh, it’s not fun at all.

  • As I understand Ms. Bradhaw’s story, it’s:
    1. Fuck a married guy.
    2. Get the married guy to leave his wife and marry you.
    3. Have the guy die and leave you alone.
    4. Have the dead guy give $1 million to his ex (uh, I think maybe he kept fucking her?).
    5. Stalk his ex online until she asks you to stop.

    Wow. Sounds like a great life there, Carrie. All of these characters seem somewhere on a spectrum from vapid to horrendous.

    • All of these characters seem somewhere on a spectrum from vapid to horrendous.
      ^^^
      Not so much a spectrum as “both, and.”

    • It’s worse than that, if you can believe it. Natasha divorced Big 25 YEARS AGO – and Carrie’s now stalking her.

      If a deranged other woman showed up after 25 years, I’d call the cops.

  • I refuse to watch or waste time on cheater shows, songs, people PERIOD. Life is too short- I chose to put my energy and time for positive life affirming viewing and people.

  • I lost respect for Carrie when she cheated on her devoted boyfriend, Aiden, by having an affair with married Big. Then, in true narcissist fashion, Carrie was in angst over how difficult it was for her! She and Big could not care less about Aiden and Natasha. I was happy that Aiden’s character moved out, and then evicted Carrie after he learned about her cheating.

    Glad you ran this today, CL. It shows that some entertainment directors/writers normalize cheating, and try to evoke sympathy for the cheaters. I love fiction and am not opposed to seeing something with the topic, but with a different viewpoint.

  • Didn’t Matthew Broderick – Sarah Jessica Parker’s real-life husband – cheat on her? If that is indeed true, I can’t imagine how she could portray a cheater on camera.

  • Sex and the city was my icone tv-show in my teens. To see how they portrait 50 year old women in tje new show is so sad and dissapointing to watch! I had higher expectations.

  • I was never remotely interested in SATC. I own a TV but enjoy boring shows. lol I watch MSNBC (but not FW cheater Nicolle Wallace) and PBS. I used to like Mad About You and various other sitcoms but have never watched every episode of any particular show except maybe Good Eats. I’m an excellent cook but always love to learn more. But I digress.

    I have never understood why TV shows feel the need to have cheater storylines as though it is something good or exciting. It’s up there with the overdoing of violence. It just seems like it’s all about shock value. I’m glad I don’t get it or expose myself to it. I don’t know if it means I am choosing to stick my head in the sand on reality (avoid cheaters and violence) or if I have better standards for what I consider entertaining. I would rather spend an hour looking at beautiful images from outer space and pondering the mysteries of the universe, watching Rick Steves travel through Europe, or learning to make perfect quiche.

    Thank goodness my closest friends also don’t watch this stuff or I suppose they would consider me boring. haha Anyway, this whole thread has me grateful I don’t watch it. I feel like it would be sticking my head in an Esther Perel blender.

  • I never watched SATC so can’t comment. But I used to watch the BBC series ‘Mistresses’ – also about 4 girlfriends with lots of relationship drama/cheating. I don’t know if I could rewatch it now – after DDay – or if I would be too upset.
    My ex didn’t have a mistress (that I know of) but hooked up with prostitutes. Glad that mainstream media isn’t romanticizing prostitution in every other series. I’m currently watching a series about sex workers by a local TV network and I find it triggering but interesting too. It shows me that the thing that hurt me the most wasn’t the sex per se – but the betrayal, the lying, not feeling like a priority weigh much heavier on my mind.

  • Everything I hear about that SITC reboot makes it sound like it’s a dumpster fire written by 25 year olds who have no idea what women 50+ care about and they didn’t care to find out.

    What a waste of time. Thank you for calling it out CL. Such stupid stereotypes.

  • I had a friend say they loved it.
    I never know where I stand with her.
    Now I get it.

    I have so much eye rolling to do about this.

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