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And the Winner of the Infidelity Valentine’s Contest Is…

you suck valentineOnce again, CN, you made this very difficult. With your superlative snark, it was hard to choose a winner. But I winnowed it down. Here are the runner ups.

In the Limerick category:

TheDivineMissChump
There once was a chump who ran,
Starting over, she cried “I can!”
No more porn, hookers, or lies,
She cut all unhealthy ties,
Living her best life without the man.

Kfindingmyway
The prostitute fucker got married
Now she gets the burden I carried
Nancy is it
He’s still a piece of shit
The past is now dead and buried

Nothing Chumpares 2 U
Can you believe all these dumb-ass fuckwits?
The ex-wife mistook hotel beds as “cockpits”
I was chumped and abused
But have the higher of the IQs
Takes her 2 hours just to watch 60 minutes!

WalkawayWoman
I took four years to heal from the traumas,
Got career, house, and healthcare (Obama’s).
Ex is homeless and broke,
His teens think he’s a joke.
But at least he’s got three baby mommas.

Lady Loyal
It’s easy to say goodbye
To a spouse who would always lie
Adios mi amigo
You a cheetoh
Fry baby fry

AND THE WINNER IS…

Gettingthereslowly
A Tesla, capped teeth, and a whore
Midlife left you just wanting More
Now I’ve got the kids,
The house (pots, pans, and lids),
And happily, you got the door

Excellent imagery there! The capped teeth midlife crisis dentistry says it all. Congrats!

And in the haiku category! The runner ups are:

JustWondering
A dozen roses
(for her.) My gift was herpes
Faithful spouse my ass

Elkay
Years of online sex
Their true love couldn’t survive
Two months IRL

Magneto
The road you travel
Requires many things,
like penicillin.

Motherchumper99
He was my husband
25 years of hard labor
He’s your problem now

AND THE WINNER IS…

Adelante
You said our problem
was “bad communication”–
I went no contact.

Snap!!!

Winners, I’ll be in touch. Excellent entries everyone! Thanks for playing!

Ask Chump Lady

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  • What a talented group of chumps! Reading all the entries really underscores the fact that it wasn’t us, it was THEM. Congratulations, everybody.

  • Incredible! Thanks for this. So validating to see all of us creating art (and enjoying art) from the ashes.

  • Great choices Cl! Congrats to the winners and runners up! There were some awesome entries, had to be tough to choose. You are all bright shining stars! ⭐️🏆💐👍😊

  • These are all so great!

    WalkawayWoman and Gettingthereslowly were my favorites.

    We’ve got a very creative chump nation here. So funny, sad, and true.

  • I am just glad to know that there are other Chumps out there sharing their wisdom and snark. CL and CN have truly helped me as I go through the nightmare of trying to settle with a FW. Thanks for all the great advice!

  • Just goes to show that “Laughter is the best medicine” ! CN is so very talented!!!
    Thank you to CL & CN! You make life easier 💕

  • They’re all so great! Congratulations to the winners and runners up! What a great contest to change the narrative on a hard day. So glad to know other people understand and we can laugh about it.

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