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‘Love Will Make You Do Crazy Things’

Will Smith hits Chris Rock
Source: screenshot, Twitter

So, you all woke up to the news that actor Will Smith walloped comedian Chris Rock for making a joke about Jada Pinkett-Smith’s hair?

The Washington Post reports:

The Academy Awards briefly came to a stunning halt Sunday night when Chris Rock made a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith, after which Will Smith went to the stage and hit him in the face…

Smith cried throughout his speech, in which he didn’t reference Rock directly but apologized to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and his fellow nominees for the disruption. “I look like the crazy father, just like they said about Richard Williams,” Smith said, possibly trying to lighten the mood of the still shocked audience. “But love will make you do crazy things.”

Love was not available for comment. Next to Jesus, it gets blamed for more crazy shit. Love has the power to drive Will Smith to hit a comedian for making a bald joke, but not enough power to heal alopecia. Superpowers are so fickle.

Okay, Will, your love for Jada made you haul off and hit a man in front of the entire Motion Picture Academy? You won’t tolerate disrespect? Because I sure saw you eat a whole heaping helping of that Red Table cringe-fest when Jada discussed her “entanglement” with August Alsina.

(Apparently a lot of other people did too; #cuck is trending on Twitter.)

Love must’ve been making Jada do crazy things! And you, Will, for staying with her. But now Love, that ruthless taskmaster, needs greater feats of insanity to prove your fealty.

Guys, I’m just getting the sense that Will isn’t feeling very secure in his relationship. That maybe the impression management is wearing a bit thin.

But I do think he feels really secure about a lack of consequences. How do you hit a man and then sit back down and the show goes on? WTF was that? And then you sort of apologize to everyone, EXCEPT the guy you hit?

Is Hollywood one big dysfunctional family?

It was a tasteless joke. But Chris Rock didn’t deserve to be hit. Or humiliated in front of everyone.

I wonder if Will Smith has ever felt humiliated in front of everyone. If he ever thought for a moment, you know, my relationship is rather ridiculous. If those thoughts enraged him.

Does Jada thrill to the attention? Is she mortified? Should Chris Rock apologize to her for that joke? What crazy thing will love make Will do next?

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • That isn’t love, that is hopium. If he shows her that he will defend her, she will never cheat on him again with one of her son’s friends. It is misplaced anger and very sad.

  • He dumped his first wife for her.

    I have watched the red table thing a couple of times. I don’t get it. Who cares what a bunch of neurotic actors have to say. Their egos need their 15 minutes of fame.

    • Wasn’t Will and his wife (can’t remember if first or second wife) swingers?

      • Jada and Will have been open about their swinging for years. Still are, afaik. I don’t know why people presume it was just her. Chris Rock’s cheated several times on his wife as well. They’re all crappy people.

  • Why didn’t he punch August in his mouth when he caught his wife with him? He may love her but she sure as hell doesn’t love him. Terrible spectacle.

  • Not disagreeing with the overall message, but Will Smith has already acknowledged that he was having sex (if not full blown relationships with other people) also. Commenting during an interview after the red-table talk that people could leave that red-table conversation with the impression that Jada was the only person involved with other people, which he acknowledged wasn’t true.

    The point of the post still stands in general, but this likely isn’t about misplaced anger due to infidelity. I don’t watch the Oscars and don’t have the capacity to engage with any more violence given the state of the world, so won’t be seeking out more context for this situation, but Will Smith talks openly about his anger issues (as a result of seeing his father beat his mother), about impression management being a persistent problem throughout his life, he just seems to have so many problems/issues to resolve. The “misplaced” anger angle misses so much to me.

    • I don’t know if it’s misplaced anger over being cheated on — I think it’s misplaced anger over impression management. An ego injury. Whatever the heck is going on, they’re both trying very hard to project a sophisticated image of modern couple. He’s raging over a joke? It’s super messed up.

      • I don’t think anyone would disagree that his response to a joke was inappropriate. I’m sure this will be something that he regrets for the rest of his life, but there’s complexity here, truth about what it means to be a Black man and woman in America, truth about unresolved childhood trauma, truth about the public disrespect Black women endure everyday in our society, truth about relationships between Black men and women, truth about too many more things to list.

        To be extra clear, I’m not making excuses for either of their behaviour. I’m explaining why I disagree with a reading of what happened as about misplaced anger over Jada’s relationship with August. I certainly don’t think those truths excuse the explosion of rage that you described, but I don’t share the perspective that they are projecting an image of a sophisticated modern couple. I get the impression that they are trying to navigate deeply personal issues publicly, attempting transparency and vulnerability, while trying to maintain some dignity and privacy.

        I’m not arguing my perspective is more right than anyone else’s, but I am arguing that their experience as a couple is shaped by their social locations, as are our interpretations of their words and actions.

        • And I can tell you growing up “out west” in ranch country that it wouldn’t be considered unusual for one angry man to take a shot at a dude disrespecting his gal. The diference is they’d agree to take it out back and adhere to standard gentlemen’s fighting rules.

          • Meh. I live in Montana and I was sitting next to a guy who was making the moves on another guys wife and the husband took care of the problem right in the bar. Punched his lights out and landed him on the floor next to me.

            He didn’t get any sympathy either. The bartender told to quit fucking around with his wife and bought a round for the rest of us.

        • #ProtectBlackWomen is trending. A sentiment I agree with, but I don’t think it’s best expressed by having a man punch another man over your honor.

          • Agreed. I’d be mortified if I were the woman in the middle of that.

            • Because the reality is she is not “innocent” in any of this – she makes fun of her baldness and has embraced it openly. Chris Rock was reflecting that in his joke by suggesting she could be the Black GI Jane. I don’t even think he was making fun of her. I just think Will Smith realized that his cheating wife didn’t like the joke and he wasn’t supposed to laugh or she might cheat again with the lawnmower guy.

          • With all due respect Chump Lady, you are not a person of color and you have no idea what it means to wear the skin of a so-called minority in this world. Disrespect, on both micro and macro levels is the every day REALITY of POC. And sometimes, reactions are going to seem out of proportion to certain incidents. It is what It is. Black woken have been disrespected for so long and in so many ways, for SOME, what Will did, however inappropriate, was seen by many as someone FINALLY making a public statement that we deserve honor and respect. I highly doubt that was Will’s intention in that moment, but that was the takeaway for many.

            Do better, America.

            • Thanks for your perspective. I agree black women deserve honor and respect. If only it was Will Smith punching Ted Cruz for Justice Jackson’s honor I’d probably have a different take. (I still think punching people you disagree with is wrong. However upsetting.)

              • Lol!!!
                I won’t address Ted Cruz. I think he is a vile and pathetic excuse for a human being. I refused to watch his bullshyt during the confirmation hearings. I knew that it was gonna be a shyt show. I did watch Cory Booker’s remarks on YouTube, though. I was brought to tears. POC are ALWAYS expected to maintain composure in the face of extreme disrespect and obvious racism. There is a tightrope that POC are expected to walk. And there is no safety on other side: tolerate the disrespect OR be considered “violent”, “too sensitive”, or inappropriate. It’s a no-win situation. And because people are mostly ignorant or dismissive of that reality, POC are judged based on a perspective that is formed by white privilege. As a result, shit is gonna happen. People need to be careful what they sew, because at some point, it will be reaped.

            • I should add, whatever I think of Jada Pinkett-Smith, it was a cruel, unfunny “joke.”

            • Did you miss the part where the person “disrespecting” the POC was a POC? And that the (violent) person was also a POC? Not sure how you make this a POC versus not-POC issue. Perhaps, if anything, it’s a women (v. man) issue.

              • 3x – I will assume that you are not a POC. I will not attempt to enlighten you on something you clearly have no awareness of, nor willingness to understand. Your comment is very convenient, based on a perspective that is formed without having the benefit of LIVED experience.

                Chump Lady is a place where we all can come to get support when it comes to being chumped and abused by a SO, but what happens when the abuse that is suffered is not only coming from a SO, but also from the larger society? Where is the compassion? Black women not only suffer abuse in intimate relationships, but in society, and often at the hands of people who look like us because we are the easiest to punch down on.

                To that point, it was NOT lost on me that Chris’s previous joke about Penelope Cruz and her husband was “cute” and obviously NOT based on physical appearance. Women of color are easy targets because people are comfortable making jokes at our expense without repercussion. That includes when the offender is also a person of color. This is why Will’s reaction, for SOME was significant. I personally thought he did e wrong thing, but I understand why others feel it was warranted.

                That said, I appreciate your comment, however, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I will leave it at that. Sometimes, it’s ok to listen without responding as if the comments are personally directed. Please Proceed…

              • OTOS, thank you for your comments and your perspective. The discourse here in CN tends to be white-centered by default, and your voice is welcome and needed. On the surface, I’m your typical Karen, coasting by daily on my white privilege. But I’m an immigrant, ex-wife of a Black man, and mother of two Black sons and a Black daughter, all young adults. Which of course doesn’t make me any less prone to racist thoughts, reactions, or behavior than any other white person in America.
                I validate your point about Will protecting Jada’s honor.
                The thing I want to add to the discussion here (directed to all of CN) is something I’m puzzled by in terms of reactions on social media. It seems to me that Will is the target of a lot of ridicule for staying married to a woman who had sex with other men – the whole cuckold thing. Yet Will’s own extramarital sexual liaisons don’t seem to reflect on Jada in the same negative sense.
                There’s a double standard playing out, and it’s not new. Male chumps are judged harshly, and get less sympathy than female chumps. (Looking at this through a heteronormative relationship lens, since that’s my experience.)

              • WAW – thank you for your comment! I really appreciate it. I merely speak to add perspective, not criticize. I realize that we all have blind spots based on our own lived experiences. This is why I am most often quick to listen and slow to speak. Also, as a woman of color, I am forced to deal with such bias on a daily basis: some intentional, other unintentional. I only hope that we can all come to a place of understanding without being defensive or feeling as if someone else’s expression of pain/trauma is a personal attack. May God bless you on your journey and thank you for recognizing that having black children does not make you immune to bias. I can tell that you are open to learning. That goes a long way!

                And as far as Will and Jada are concerned? There has always been rumbling about Will’s “extracurricular activities”. Only Jada was exposed in the manner she was. But, THEIR arrangement is THEIRS. They appear to be ok with it. In my opinion, that’s all that matters. Not every situation calls for the label of “cheater and chump”. Me? I was a chump. I own that. And I have moved on to live a significantly better life.

              • Red Table Talk episode with
                Jada & Will talking about August? IMO, Will looked seriously wounded ~ deep hurt, sad mixed with the kind of mad that humiliation, defeat births. Felt like I was seeing a Chump eating shit sandwiches in real time. While watching, every empathic heartstring in me was pulled.
                I think their marriage is a clear
                Cautionary Tale against any form of open marriage, polyamory + pornography & sexual immorality in general. Q: What did we see happen on Sunday? A: Will vomiting up shit sandwiches.

              • I’m a black woman and I don’t think this is a POC issue. I think it’s more about Will’s bruised ego and impression management over a wife who has clearly shown 0 respect for him. Period.

              • SmallChump – to reiterate my earlier point, NONE of us know why Will responded the way he did. The closest we MAY come to any truth as to the “why” rests in his own explanation. And even that may not be entirely honest. My intention was not to unravel the skein of Will’s behavior. Any opinion is merely speculation. All we can know is that his actions were inappropriate under those circumstances. My attempt was to point out why SOME people of color, women in particular, felt vindicated by his actions. Not me, personally, but I can certainly understand why some feel that way. To characterize the comment as making it out to be a “POC vs NonPOC” issue is not only myopic, but intentionally obtuse. Not any one group is a monolith. And understanding that about one another has value when having a discourse.

              • Thank you for your perspective, it is so valuable.

                After hearing so many takes on social media, three things come to mind. For what it’s worth (I apologize if I am just repeating what you have already said:

                1.I’m a white woman. Once I asked a black friend how he was affected by racism. I’ve never forgotten his answer. He said it added a layer of complication in his life on top of everything else. When someone was unkind to him, he wasn’t sure whether they didn’t like him being black, his nerdy personality, or something else. It made him more insecure and made it more difficult to figure out people’s motives.

                2. A common theme here on ChumpLady is that people who haven’t gone through being cheated on don’t understand what chumps have gone through. Swiss friends interpret a chump’s natural anger as being an “overreacting bitter bunny”. Seems like you are saying the dynamic for POC may be similar.

                3. I read an interesting Twitter thread about how Scientology encourages their members to hit others when they get out of line. I don’t know if this is true or if it played into Will’s actions. Evidently Will and Jada were very involved in Scientology although they left in 2015.

                I’m a long time lurker and get so much out of Chump Lady’s blog and the community here.

              • I’m white, I’m southern, I’m a female. I’ve never heard my parents make a derogatory remark about any race or religion. I grew up in the south so some of it rubbed against me. I have worked every single day of my life to recognize a human being there. I’m very thankful for my childhood.

                Once there was an issue on television so I asked a friend, A guy, what he thought and he said something so simple and so profound. He said there’s no reason to hate a whole race of people. I’ve carried that with me.

                My children went to an all white elem school except for two teachers who were black. They were so loved by my children that they noticed nothing about their skin. Once when that subject came up about having black kids in the school they both said they wish there was someone black in their school. I said you have two there. And I named their teachers. They both said they weren’t black. That’s how innocent kids come into this world and that’s why we need to keep that crap out of our conversations around our kids. One of the teachers was at my house one day and we sat at my kitchen table while she explain to me why her daughter was not in that school. She said she did not want her to be the only black kid there. She was in a private school. Her mother said that she and her husband had chosen only one child because they could not afford to pay for 2 private schools. She said they had so much trouble finding a house to live in that wasn’t in a dangerous place or wasn’t in a place where they were the only black family. The one neighborhood they found that appealed to them the real estate agents had jacked the prices up because they knew how desperate people like this teacher were. That broke my heart but I cannot imagine what her heart had gone through all of her life.

              • LetGo- again, this isn’t a comment about YOU or any one individual white personal. It’s about a larger issue that rests in society. To ignore that issue based on who you are as an individual does a disservice to us all. But, your comment is appreciated.

              • It is about me. It is about my children who live in this world. We all need to look at this issue with very clear eyes. People never forget being humiliated. They never forget being dismissed or devalued. That’s why I said I rubbed against it just by living where I did. I have no concept of what you go through. The only thing I can do is suggest that every person watch a PBS show called A Class Divided. It is such a tiny view into a window of how quickly we can wreck a child’s life. It is an experiment done by a teacher with her young white students. She took a few hours to radically change how they see the world.

              • Also my reaction was two men in Hollywood. Hollywood!
                You saw it through an entirely different lens.
                I am glad you brought this up. It helps me understand just how much our daily lives impact our thinking.

              • Letgo- it IS about you as it relates to you and your family having to live in this society. And I appreciate your understanding. My point was that any perceived criticism of people who engage in shytty behavior (intentionally or unintentionally) cannot be taken as a personal affront. That said, for those who ARE and choose to remain, intentionally ignorant about how their behavior impacts others? It is incumbent upon any good and decent person to call out the behavior when it raises its ugly head. I appreciate anyone who is willing to be open and LISTEN, even when what is being shared is uncomfortable. To deny another person’s truth and their experiences is to deny their humanity. The same way most of us feel when we are shamed and blamed for being chumped is the same feeling that POC walk through every day life with. We are most often either blamed for the abuse and disrespect we experience OR gaslit with the narrative that we are not experiencing the abuse. And that goes double for women of color.

              • Letgo, in my opinion, it is unhelpful to encourage children not to notice skin color. “Colorblindness” is often trotted out by us white folks as a marker of our antiracism. When in fact it is anything but. It is a way of rendering BIPOC people invisible.
                I understand why the Black teacher at your children’s school opted out of sending her child to a school where she would have been the only student of color in her class.
                I raised my three children in a predominantly white community, predominantly white school system, and a predominantly white church. It harmed them in ways that I, their white mother, could not comprehend, and that they’ve only begun to speak about as adults.
                I applaud you for inviting conversations with your children’s teacher, and listening and considering her perspective. Engaging person-to-person like that is, I believe, the best way forward toward a more fair and equitable society.

              • Mmm. I am a white person who has “the benefit of LIVED experience.” I lived for 10 years in a place where white people are the minority, are called names and discriminated against, especially white women, as we are viewed as weak. You don’t know what race threetimesachump is, and you don’t know where she lives. But I forgot. Everything is about race these days.

              • Everything is not about race these days even though this country has some work to do in regard to anyone being held back, mistreated or any mistreatment because of race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. People are people. When I do not notice race, it is because I am noticing the person not what they are wearing or their skin color. People are people and all should be respected. Yes, it is hard to be thinking of lots of respect for Will or Chris this week. Not because of their race but because of their behavior. Thankfully, I was otherwise engaged when the Oscars were on Sunday. And I loathe cheaters regardless of their race. I loathe their acts, not skin color, etc.

              • It’s all about race these days. Everything is slanted toward racial division incited by attempts at political division. I live in a very blue state near a very left/radical city on the west coast. The race thing is all we ever hear about, and many of us are DONE. I’m an older person. I’ve been around long enough to recognize divide and conquer political tactics (I have lived and traveled many places in the world and have lived in a European socialist country) , especially filtered through the tainted corrupt lense of the MSM, brought to us to create division, often in ways it didn’t currently exist. I refuse to jump on the everything is racist train (as being currently taught in our public schools) because it looks, smells, and feels like baiting. As chumps, we know better.

            • No one has to be a particular race to recognize violence- and call it out. Wrong is wrong. Race, in this case, has nothing to do with it. As a black woman, i found the incident disgusting.

          • Smith was 100% out of line and to my view humiliated himself. But listening to a week of old white men using a Supreme Court nomination hearing to berate, demean and humiliate the first Black woman nominee has me feeling pretty salty. And it was not only very poor taste for Rock to bring up someone’s (anyone’s) serious medical problem, it was unkind to put that ugly spotlight on Smith’s wife when he was the likely Oscar favorite in his category. None of that excuses physical violence, and I certainly don’t think Will Smith was defending all Black women. But speaking for myself, I had about enough of watching men humiliate black women last week.

            • It was a particularly weird “joke” since Chris Rock did a documentary film in 2009 called, “Good Hair.” He KNOWS how delicate the subject is to women of color.

              • Yeah, he knows. That’s probably why he said it, because he knew it would hurt. Chris Rock is a misogynist asshole and a cheater himself. Anyone who smacks him has done the world a service IMO.
                People like him should get regular administrative bitch slaps to remind them to STFU. I’m only half kidding.

          • Would he have slapped fellow comedian Wanda Sykes or Amy Schumer if that made that joke I wonder?!?

        • ” I get the impression that they are trying to navigate deeply personal issues publicly, attempting transparency and vulnerability, while trying to maintain some dignity and privacy.”

          At the Oscars in the VIP section?

          • This supposed desire for transparency and privacy isn’t supported by them airing their sex lives on their own tell-all talk show.

          • Did you see poor Will trying to navigate hoisting his Oscar in the air to “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It” at the Vanity Fair after party? My heart breaks for the poor dear.

        • “I ’m not arguing my perspective is more right than anyone else’s, but I am arguing that their experience as a couple is shaped by their social locations, as are our interpretations of their words and actions.”

          So true, and from my everyday Jill perspective, it wouldn’t surprise me if the whole thing was set up to put a little spice in a show that is becoming less and less relevant to entertainment each year.

          But call me jaded, no pun intended.

          • I was thinking the same thing. I didn’t watch the show. Who cares about over paid actors winning a dumb trophy….

          • That’s what I assumed- that it was a planned comedy bit which fell flat just like every other one did. What a dreadful show, probably the lamest Academy Awards ever.
            It sure made me miss Billy Chrystal. What a wonderful host he was.

        • Dysfunction, trauma, infidelity, balding, insensitive jokes, violence. All people have same needs & suffer same ways from offenses.
          “Truths & complexity of being Black in America”: This public display by Will is a result of that? Only that? Added to that? I am certain that my reaction would be exactly the same if any other man/actor behaved as Will did.

        • I was honestly a bit afraid of this topic being on the site because I wasn’t sure how many people would relate to and understand the complexities of this situation. It’s definitely not just about the slap, it really takes having the perspective of the black experience to fully understand.

      • Whether or not Chris Rock knew that Jada had alopecia (which I did not as I have zero respect for anyone who cheats) isn’t really the whole point. It’s going to normalize violence as an acceptable response when someone doesn’t like what we say, comedian or not. I heard the cops asked Rock if he wanted to press charges and he declined, via TMZ.

        • That shit was Kanye crazy.

          I wouldn’t trade their open marriage for my solo non- celebrity life for a bazillion dollars

      • My biggest takeaway hasn’t been any of the million viewpoints I’ve seen in the last 24 hours – and I’ve yet to read any that I haven’t disagreed with.

        Honestly, all I could wonder while this media circus is going on is how many known sexual predators are still making movies?

        I started rattling them off in my head: Kevin Spacey, Bryan Singer, Roman Polanski, Woody Allen, etc. Their careers are still chugging along.

        It just reiterated to me Hollyweird’s priorities and what a bizarre monstrosity the place is. This incident is shocking, but talk about fiddling while Rome burns.

        • Whoops, my first sentence should read, “I’ve yet to read [any reactions in the last 24 hours] that I haven’t AGREED with.” I’ve seen a lot of responses making good points.

        • ☝️ Indeed “ fiddling while Rome burns”.
          Hollywood:Sodom & Gomorrah
          Genesis chapter 19

      • Will Smith was laughing first. Then he saw Jada look upset so he went from “wow, that was funny” to “I’m angry that he insulted my wife”. And weirdly, just like a cheater, he had a long way up to the stage before he hit Chris Rock, where, at any moment between those steps, he could have simply turned around and done the right thing. But love does strange things to people. The next thing you know they are mixing their genitals together like a cocktail or duking it out over a bad joke.

    • My cheater had massive anger issues (with no known cause) and would rail at minutae while simultaneously inflicting abuse-level harm on his then-spouse and family. When you stir past abuse, recent cheating and immersion management into the cauldron, what results are likely to be as fucked up as what he displayed.

      I wonder if their dysfunction is a result of years of cake eating of an open marriage…that you cant bear to watch someone disrespect your spouse even though you have done worse to them.

      You are wise to not watch the clip…I watched it twice and it made me anxious. I was surprised that something that had nothing to do with me could make me anxious.

      • Unicorn, I also my XH’s “massive anger issues (with no known cause) and would rail at minutae while simultaneously inflicting abuse-level harm on his then-spouse and family.” My mother, father, and two of my 4 siblings and now, devastatingly, my son exhibits the same traits. He recently lived with me for a few months. It’s been very difficult to navigate feelings of deep love for my only son and revulsion at his abusive behavior. After years of living in a peaceful home, I was re-traumatized by the experiences with violence in my home, and was at the same time brokenhearted, scared for his girlfriend (and their unborn baby) and immensely relieved when they moved out. It’s only been a few weeks and I haven’t yet processed all of it.

        • It’s difficult that when we leave these dysfunctional relationships our kids are still stuck in them, and influenced by them.

          When I was still married to the covert narcissist I experienced my then teen son talk to me the same way his dad did. That was one of the many reasons I knew I had to get away. I couldn’t allow him to grow up thinking that was ok.

          He still lives with his dad, but he now recognizes his dad’s behaviors and very much does not want to be like that.

      • I read the hype on it and then watched a clip from a foriegn news source because they didn’t mute it or leave anything out, unlike the U.S. news. By the time I saw it, it seemed sort of lame, maybe even staged, compared to what they made it out to be. Chris didn’t even fight back. It was weird. It didn’t look, sound, or feel like a real altercation.

      • Unicornnomore – Same! I watched the clip twice and it full-on activated my nervous system (heart racing, etc).

    • But it’s hard to say whether or not that it was true or after deciding to stay he was doing some serious image rehabilitation on her behalf. I think it was more likely the latter.

    • Agreed. People are taking this incident and using it to push their own agendas. The fact is that NOBODY knows what really led Will to take that action. All any of us can know is that what he did was completely inappropriate in THAT venue at THAT time. It was def NOT Will’s shining moment, but people need to stfu and stop theorizing as to why he did what he did. The other issue is that people have different standards and agreements in THEIR relationships. Not everyone is going to agree with Will and Jada’s arrangement. And they don’t have to. It’s not THEIR marriage.

      The other issue is that they need to STOP the bullshyt tradition of hosts roasting attendees during awards ceremonies. I thought that the hosts diminishing Samuel L. Jackson’s accomplishments on HIS night of being honored was also bullshyt. The look on his face during that bit said it all. It’s not “funny” and it isn’t cool.

      We ALL need to do better with respecting one another’s humanity.

      • I agree. The Academy Awards should be an award ceremony, not a roast of the nominees.

        • LaJ,

          Excellent point.
          The Friars Club is where comedians go to be raked over the coals by their peers.

        • Here’s a novel idea. How about they cancel the whole damn phony awards show…ALL awards shows for that matter?! These entitled fucks don’t need yet another televised opportunity to congratulate themselves for their “accomplishments”. Meanwhile there are people out here amongst us that are contributing in real ways to society…you know like trying to cure cancer and shit!

      • Will and Jada have doubled-down on their fame by exposing the inner workings of their marriage and personal challenges, so it’s hard not to form an opinion.

        • GP – That is actually a more recent occurrence after YEARS of people weighing in and talking shyt about them. They remained silent on the matter for many years. FINE to have an opinion. We all do. How can we not? What isn’t fine? Thinking our opinions are the only ones that have merit/value. That’s when the whole shyt goes wrong. Also, people need to stop and think about how THEY would feel if others chose to freely focus their “insightful” and “witty” comments and criticisms on THEM. I’m personally tired of the excuse that celebrities invite the criticisms based on their chosen profession. Regardless of profession and exposure, I think that folks need to be careful how they handle other HUMAN BEINGS. Why is it so hard for people to just be respectful of others and mind their own fkn business?

  • I hope love makes Will Smith seek therapy and not from some
    Scientology shill. His life will just be miserable and messy until he makes different decisions. A decision to divorce a spouse who cheats, wait he cheats, guess he has to divorce himself. It is all ugly and messy. Life goes downhill fast.

  • This incident is like my personal nightmare brought to life: anger and visibility. I’m a private person so I’d be mortified if I was involved in this in anyway. Heck, I don’t know any of these people and I watched it all go down live completely aghast and feeling like I wanted to cry and shrink into a hole.

    I keep FW and Wifetress’s names out of my mouth (Smith would be proud of me, I guess) and I pray, with no guarentee, that they generally do the same. I just don’t want that kind of attention and focus anywhere near me. I don’t invoke them at all in real life; doing so would feel like I was summoning malevolent spirits. Heck no to that.

    Rock’s joke was tasteless, absolutely, but Smith’s anger, followed by the victory speech breakdown, made me so uncomfortable. Like I was witnessing an unravelling. And what a way to take the shine off of some historic wins.

    The smack is already being circulated as a meme and I hate it. I won’t reshare but this moment is enshrined in history now.

    • I agree. The anger, victory speech, breakdown…it was incredibly uncomfortable. And his entire speech felt like a “hey, but I’m Will Smith. We’re good right. You know me.” (Insert manipulative grin) I was left feeling creeped out and annoyed by Will and Jada’s entire demeanor. Chris Rock was in the wrong for sure, but they could have not laughed and let the joke die then allow the show to go on.

    • “I don’t invoke them at all in real life; doing so would feel like I was summoning malevolent spirits. Heck no to that.”

      Haha, Fourleaf, I so so agree. I don’t want those noxious fumes anywhere near me. ☺️

      • ☝️“summoning malevolent spirits”.
        Consider the possibility that actual malevolent spirits are really the root cause of all sexual immorality.

    • “I don’t invoke them at all in real life; doing so would feel like I was summoning malevolent spirits.”

      Haha! I feel the same. I cringe whenever I hear his name or meet someone who has his very common first or last name. If I ever do mention him, I usually say “He who shall not be named.” Like Voldemort. ????

  • Once again Chump Lady speaks loud and clear for CN. I said these very same things and not to the thrill of my STBXH…”why didn’t he punch August in the mouth after he got entangled with his wife?” “Why is he fighting for a woman that disgraced him publicly discussing a tasteless affair with their young son’s friend?” Jada is content to let Will pick me dance while she sits and soaks it all in. Both she and August got off scot free while Chris Rock got the slap August deserved… interesting

    • I’ve witnessed women and men who love to stir up the ???? and watch people fight over them. In families, couples, amongst friends and at work.

    • While W.Smith recently claimed to Gail King there had never been infidelity in the marriage….

  • I didn’t see it and have only vaguely heard about the shenanigans going on in the Smith household, so I have to admit my first thought was “oh there you go, anything for attention”. I admit on first reading about it I thought it was planned. Who knows these days!

  • If I was on the team that gave us Coda, or Belfast, or West Side Story, or any other noteably historic win, I’d feel pretty sad right now that my wonderful honor was being completely overshadowed in the media by the antics of two entitled clowns.

    Strong emotions don’t bother me, nor do strong words, even when they are uncomfortable… as long as they are nonviolent and truly topical. Joking about someone’s medical condition without their overt permission is 100% asshole, and so is throwing a violent sweary fit at an awards ceremony. Those dudes both need a time out like the bullying children they are.

    As for the cheaty relationship between W&J, all I see is dysfunction. I’m not a polyamorist, but I can accept healthy polyamory. Polyamory, done well and in good health, is unfailingly honest, respectful, and kind, and requires a great deal of love and constant self-reflection. Whatever the hell those two are doing is something very, very different, and not good for either of them.

    In the end, it seems to me like they both just wanted attention. (They may have even scripted it to get attention. Wouldn’t surprise me out of either of them.)

    • I’m not up on the whole celebrity gossip angle, so I didn’t know about the cheating and all. But I did realize I was more annoyed with the way the ceremony got instantly sidelined, than I was with the display of toxic masculinity. If this scene had played out in a bar somewhere, most of us would just be rolling our eyes. As cynical as you can be about the Oscars, though, the truth is a lot of people really do put their heart and soul into a project like “Belfast” or “CODA” or “West Side Story” and the night should have been about them. But to hijack the whole evening because someone disrespected YOUR woman, which you take as disrespecting YOU, seems like a stretch. I’m not so sure he was defending his wife’s honor, so much as his own ego.

  • Yes! I love you CL! I woke up and I read the news headlines and my first thought was “CL would have something to say about it”
    I think it speaks volumes about how f*cked up this world is/patriarchal values, that no one checked on Chris Rock but Will Smith got a standing ovation for his “love will make you do crazy things” speech. And according to headlines, he was “comforted by Denzell Washington” during the break! Good macho chump protecting his cheater. He ruined his big win for himself. So happy that we have this online community of like-minded people who call this pick-me-dancing for what it is: “assault”

      • ???? Self correcting about my above post. After gathering lots more history + what’s taken place since, I now can & do separate the earned acting award including peer approval aka standing ovation from
        the human who is in state of unraveling via on-going, strong, cruel, deep level of Humiliation.
        There’s the Actor.
        There’s the Person underneath.
        Although I personally believe that there exists Absolute Truth in big area of morality, (sexual)
        I also believe that “mercy triumphs over judgment”
        Consequences came fast & hard ~ lots of anti-Will press from peers & public, (me too);
        Academy banning him for 10 years; 2 future acting projects shelved.
        As limited, delayed,impersonal his apology to Chris has been, perhaps Chris will (continue to) choose mercy? Perhaps all will be satisfied with consequences to Will from that incident? Perhaps past, current & future humiliation is the punishment & that humiliation-punishment pays the slap-crime debt in full?
        I pray real restorative truth, love wisdom & healing happens starting now ~beyond what the world’s best mental health experts can provide. Although
        I am relieved he’s in a rehab facility & I believe he can find some rest, info & tools there, the kind of sanctuary he most needs is a spiritual one IMO.
        In his recently published book “Will”, his grandmother died in peace ~ being wholeheartedly convinced & grateful to be soon in heaven. Maybe Will will see & seek the value of that way of life. Fame & fortune can’t buy what I believe he needs most,
        (what I believe all people need most) Holy Help Rehabilitation.
        Spiritual problems needs spiritual solutions.

    • Love can absolutely make u do crazy things…like trying to save face for a woman who made you eat massive s***sandwiches at her Red Table…idiot…

    • Chumped Lindy Hopper,

      The saga continues. Will Smith claims childhood trauma caused him to assault another person during an internationally broadcast show. ???? for Will. How many millions of people were triggered watching that ? I know I was.

      Will needs lots of therapy. Oh wait, that’s right ! The attention seeking, self-centered folks don’t seek help, just wreak havoc in the lives of others. ????‍♀️

  • I didn’t see the incident, but in general I think public displays of anger and violence are unacceptable. I have felt the urge to slap an ex, more than once, and they certainly deserved. . . something. . . but I would have felt more furious if I had been slapped. I am sure my sarcasm incited the impulse, probably more than once. We have to spend a great deal of energy to overcome our instincts. As Mr. CL says, if it feels good, don’t do it.

    In reality, I believe words and actions have done me more psychic harm than any physical slap. It took a long time to understand that they were abuse. We look for the evidence of bruises and cuts. We should look for the evidence of psychic pain that comes from FOO and partners without empathy.

    If partners choose to live a life together knowing that the other is engaging in acts of entanglement, that is their right. I do not understand it and would not willingly agree to participate in that lifestyle choice. I certainly don’t find it glamourous or sophisticated. Monogamy was not that difficult for me. I believe my negative experiences have led me to choose to be alone, rather than risk another failed relationship. I don’t feel defeated, I actually feel quite good about learning to love and nurture myself. If I had not taken the risk when I was young, however, I would not have had my sons. So whatever forces drive us to choose a mate must be powerful enough to make us take that risk. I suppose it is also our duty to learn self-control in emotional situations.

    • Portia, this is beautiful. So classy and well-stated. Thank you. I needed this model today, which brings to mind Melinda French Gates and her even-tempered, lovely way of handling tough moments.

      I agree with others that the whole thing was a disordered, self-absorbed couple on public display. He should have been ushered out by security. Boys will be boys. Just the locker room…(no offense intended to male chumps). It was egregious and doesn’t warrant a pass.

      Thanks for modeling the high road, Portia. Not lofty or superior. Simply adult and wise, in my mind the essence of true sophistication.

  • Although the joke was stinging, it is Chris Rock who is known for stinging jokes. And, if you look at Smith’s reaction, at first he laughed. But Jada was pissed and then he pretty calmly walked up to the podium for the slap. Let’s be frank — he assaulted someone on national TV. He should be charged with a crime. Frankly, i think she orchestrated the whole thing but he put his hands on someone.

  • And Chris Rock dumped his wife. As goes Hollywood so goes the country. CL now has over
    40 million visitors. As my neighbor says, “That ain’t riiight”. Too many broken hearts.

    • Also the Wall Street Journal had an article about the movie What’s Up Doc with Ryan O’Neal and Barbra Streisand. If you want to watch old Hollywood when making movies was fun and the outcome was even funnier watch that movie. There’s not a single iMessage in it. It’s just hilarious.
      I have no idea who won. I loved R Gervais’ mc and nothing can top.

  • Not being in the know about Will Smith’s past, the first thing I thought when I saw this was, “A man just defended his wife’s honor by punching a cheater no less.” I even found myself gloating a little before learning more about him and his wife’s infidelity, and seeing that Chris Rock has come clean with no excuses about his cheating and porn addiction. Wow. What an emotional rollercoaster. I’m not sure how I feel now.

  • “But love will make you do crazy things.”
    A cheater’s refrain. “I can’t control my actions. It’s love’s fault. Oh, and the chump’s fault, too, because blah blah (insert word salad).”

    Also, super tasteless joke, but why wasn’t Smith escorted off the premises by security guards?
    “When you’re a star, they let you do it.”

  • My main thought is that I feel like will is going through a lot. I actually feel sad for him. His wife says they are in an open marriage, his son dresses like a girl. And even though publicly he supports all that I’m sure deep down, or maybe not so deep down, it upsets him. That being said his behavior was uncalled for. Hollywood is all about anti bullying but all the late night talk shows and shows like the view and the chew do nothing but tear people down. So how is Chris rocks monologue any different? I doubt he even wrote any of those jokes.

      • I had been a bit lulled into thinking chumps were my people. That comment pulled me right out of that delusion.

        • Really? One comment from one person and you’re disappointed with the whole tribe?

          Lol stop it already. I hardly think that comment is worthy of your apparent sadz.

    • It looks a little staged, maybe to draw attention to the Oscars because ratings have been so low in recent years? Will has a little smile in his face after hitting Chris, and granted, Chris is a performer, but he absolutely and uncannily keeps his composure to a strange degree after being hit in the face.

    • P.S. Just because a boy dressing like a girl bugs you doesn’t mean that Will Smith is faking his support for Jaden. Gender fluidity doesn’t bother everyone and some people really do genuinely support their fluid children.

      • It may not personally bug Hollywoodsucks at all; the point being made is that it may bug Will. No matter what our opinion on the matter, many men do not wish to see their sons in dresses. Perhaps Will takes that stance, which contibutes to the stress he feels. Not everything is a personal insult.

        • Will has literally never expressed that it bothers him and has supported Jaden. That doesn’t mean it stresses him in secret.

  • FWs love people fighting over them. Check out Jada’s smug demeanor right after it went down. He’s just playing the role she wants him in.

  • As a child, young adult, adult and now older woman of 62, I have spent much of my life being bullied and mocked by others, children and adults, for a physical characteristic relating to my teeth. That characteristic was corrected late in life. The pain and hurt inflicted by those who bully others in relation to aspects of themselves that cannot easily be changed leaves deep scars. What I can say with absolute certainty, and I speak only for myself and not for others who have found themselves in a similar position, is that at the time when ‘jokes’ ‘banter’ ‘comments’ were made, I wanted to shrink into the smallest space imaginable. I wanted to disappear, especially if the comments were made in front of others. The feelings of shame and humiliation were overwhelming. The last thing that I wanted was anyone to draw additional attention to what had been said. Perhaps his wife feels differently. I trust that Mr Smith checked with her before acting as he did, although that seems unlikely. It was, in short, all about him, dressed up as ‘love’ only when he realised that he had gone too far and was scrabbling to recover his image. They are a disordered couple and I guess that this kind of event is run of the mill for them, the only difference being that the stage was global this time! Chaotic lives.

  • Much like how people who have never been cheated on can not fully understand those who have been cheated on..those who have not suffered with alopecia may find it to be “just a joke”. In my opinion, as someone who has suffered with bouts of alopecia, it’s extremely traumatic. I did not lose all of my hair but to bravely go out in the public eye without a wig and then be mocked is brutal. Does it justify him slapping Rock? No. But I really wish there was less brushing this “joke” aside as a bald joke. All of these people are known cheaters so I don’t pick a side however if his joke was about any other disability, race, or sexual preference, there would be more outrage.

    • I’ve got to agree about the alopecia areata aspect. Would anyone make fun of someone bald because of chemotherapy? I’m divided on this because there are many times I’ve wished someone stopped comedians from going too far like this.

      • Yes, thank you.

        It just comes down to ignorance of people that until they’ve experienced something, they generally fail to see the harm it causes.

        To educate readers here a bit further, the treatment for alopecia is to get injections of steroids into your scalp. This may or may not work. I have had these injections many times over the past several years. They are not pleasant and cause dents (that are sometimes permanent) in your head. I’ve passed out a few times while getting the shots because having a needle injected in your scalp is not pleasant as well as the emotional toll of wondering if all of your hair is going to fall out and you have no control over it. All to AVOID the jokes and mistreatment I would receive if I had a bald spot.

        Verbal abuse from Rock and physical abuse from Smith..can we agree they are both equally in the wrong and not make light of a “bald joke”?

        • Who KNEW Jada had alopecia?
          Did Chris Rock know?
          IF Chris knew, How? When?
          Only few days before Oscars, Jada on TikTok says in past European hair was required, but now she’s free from pressure to conform. Referring to her baldness “I love it”.
          To ASSUME Chris knew
          or should have known
          or IF he did know via tiktok, that he should NOT have believed her? THAT IS CRAZY!
          Crazy to expect a comedian, known for sarcasm, to not be sarcastic. Crazy to expect a comedian to not direct a joke at a nominee.
          Did the Smith’s expect sarcasm
          about their relationship that night? They got some. They
          acted fine throughout those jokes. BUT GI Jane joke? NO!
          Maybe Chris purposely selected a not-about-their- relationship joke? To be kind.
          Anyway, lots of “crazy” to see. And the “love” part? Seems quite damaged & potentially beyond a slap dangerous to me. Like Chump Lady wrote (clever wit ????????) “Love was not available for comment”.

    • Alopecia has a statistical association to rheumatoid arthritis, Lupus, MS, Grave’s disease, epilepsy and other very serious autoimmune conditions and Rock was an absolute POS for making public cracks about it. Add to this how women of color are constantly targeted and he’s a POS+.

      It’s not the first time he’s shot fish in a barrel. His standup routine in support of OJ Simpson’s motives for double murder was beyond the pale. I think his publicity team had to do gymnastics for years to remake his image only to have him regularly fuck it up again by being himself.

      But as much as Rock and many others seem to have been cruising to get high-fived in the face with chairs, on the other hand I feel nervous about Smith decking Rock and how it’s going to be misused by those who peddle in racial stereotypes. For instance, there was a racist campaign led by disgraced former head of the US National Institute of Mental Health Frederick Goodwin who publicly compared black men to monkeys in the jungle who just mate and kill and, worse, organized funding of truly gruesome experiments on children of color trying to prove the theory. Goodwin and other health regulators also supported campaigns of prophylactically drugging children of color to “lessen the expression of violence genes.” In case anyone thinks the latter happened several centuries ago, it was actually in the 1980s and 90s.

      So even if it’s not actually the job of any member of marginalized groups to “represent” at all times (I would call it a courtesy), I’m not crazy about the Roman circus aspects of the incident. Also when I worked as an advocate for battered women, the stories of abusers making big shows of violently defending the same families they abused weren’t uncommon. Though the characterization was too sympathetic for my taste, James Ellroy’s LA Confidential kind of nails the dichotomy with the character of the detective who violently punishes men who abuse women but then beats up his own girlfriend. I don’t trust people who “defend honor” in this way since it often comes with irony.

      I don’t trust people who do nothing to defend their families from external abuse either. What if Smith had stopped the entire show by walking to the stage, snatching the mic and calmly requesting an apology from Rock for the sake of autoimmune and chronic disease sufferers everywhere? It would have probably been far more humiliating for Rock since how the hell was he going to laugh that one off or make jokes about it later without digging the hole deeper?

      I worked with an advocate who always says that, like colors in a paint box, emotions are neither good nor bad and it all depends on what picture you paint with them. Smith’s rage could have painted a really great picture. What he did might have some positive fallout but it will also have negative and he was still just throwing a bucket at a wall.

  • One of the many, many things I’ve learned from CL and CN is that I can enjoy someone like Will Smith’s work as an actor and at the same time not like him as a person. (This goes for many actors and actresses, TV personalities, musicians, etc. — that whole ecosystem is just terrible on a human level.)

    Compartmentalizing like this helps me keep my meh, where I can acknowledge they suck as humans and I don’t care about their shitty relationships and lives. I can simply enjoy the movie/show/song, then keep on going with filling my own life up with positive and fulfilling things.

    • Hah, so true. Margaret Atwood put it really well: “Wanting to know a writer because you like their work is like wanting to know a duck because you like pate.”

      But as a second generation “creative,” experience tells me being shitty hurts artists’ work and never improves it. There’s an entire chapter in composer Shostakovich’s memoir on that theme and a compelling book by Stanford organizational psychologist Robert Sutton titled “The No Asshole Rule.” Both books call into question the irrational social tendency to associate bad behavior and brutality with genius and accomplishment.

      • This is a thought provoking post HOAC. Thank you. The ex was a fan of writers who behaved badly. He associated their bad behaviour with talent as writers. ‘He [and it was always a ‘he’ as he rarely read books written by women] wouldn’t be able to write like this if he didn’t [insert vice]’. But no one knew whether that was true because the writers under discussion had never openly tried to write without the aid of their particular vice. It’s possible that creatives can create even better work, work of real genius, if they try to do so without their chosen life raft, just as chumps can gain a life without the cheater holding them back. Nobody knows what they can accomplish until they let go. Nobody knows.

  • “Love was not available for comment. Next to Jesus, it gets blamed for more crazy shit.”

    Yep, I didn’t find out until recently, but the whore who married my fw told my daughter in law (years ago) that she believed God sent her to fw just when he needed her. My daughter in law told her that the God of her faith does not send other women in to steal a woman’s husband, and also that she (whore) is speaking ill of (Susie) who is a wonderful woman. Dil told me whore shut up, and fw ducked his head and the subject didn’t come up again.

    It is amazing the length they will go to, to blame someone/something else. I have no doubt fw told her that very thing, because he was a user of God, same as he used me. (only difference is, I doubt God was fooled the way I was) Whore is not a really bright woman, and I doubt before fw came along she ever picked up a bible, and likely very few times after he came along.

  • Don Rickles made his entire career out of making fun of people. It’s a genre of comedy (not one I particularly enjoy, but it exists nevertheless). Was Chris Rock’s joke insensitive? Of course. But comedy often veers to the insensitive. It picks at it. It’s an art form with words. But it’s never okay for an audience member to assault a comedian. Ever.

    Will Smith is a man in turmoil. On the surface he’s an A-list celebrity and cultural “alpha”, but he allows the toxic Jada Pinkett to treat him like a “beta.” What we saw last night was the man Will Smith has become, a beta demonstrating the power that Pinkett wields over him. A true alpha would have been stoic through Chris Rock’s joke.

    • Yes, adults need to have self restraint. These people should have to work in a fast food job for a year. They would learn some skills.

    • Why are we even still using toxic terms like ‘alpha’ and ‘beta’ to describe men?

    • Speaking of tasteless comedy, how about the “beloved” Bob Saget’s jokes about child rape and incest.

  • For Impression Management expert, cheater Will Smith, the situation put him in an unexpected double bind.

    Pop quiz, Will! Who are you loyal to?!

    Will’s initial reaction to the joke is laughing with Chris Rock.

    Jada is not amused. Ruh-roh.

    He changes channels to outrage, hitting and yelling at Chris Rock.

    The footage I want to see is Will’s face during the channel change. When he decides to switch teams.

    Will Smith is not escorted out of the building and arrested, like I would have been. Some give him a standing ovation for his cunningingly swift justification and rationalization speech, trying to sell it as an apology speech, which does not include an apology to Chris Rock, another cheater skill. He even lightning-speed-linked his real-life actions to his movie character. Boy, the wheels in his machine are well-oiled, no doubt with help from his flying monkey (aka Publicist).

    See? They don’t change character.

      • ☝️Charm to Rage to Self Pity
        Doesn’t borderline personality disorders include unstable & rapidly shifting reactivity?
        Or a result of unsealed trauma
        which was triggered?
        Whatever the root or diagnosis,
        Will isn’t well. And getting a standing ovation certainly won’t bring any clarity to him about his violent behavior. Example of bad behavior being rewarded

    • ….and the self-centeredness is off the charts. He evidently didn’t give a single thought how his actions would overshadow and destroy the evening for the other nominees and award winners.

      They change people, not character.

      Trust that the mask will slip.

      • That was one of my first reactions. Whatever you think of the Oscars, there were so many people there that evening aiming to celebrate hard work, who were genuinely thrilled to be there; for some it may have been the moment of a lifetime. Now people are going to talk about this – I guess I’m jaded, because my first thought is that the whole thing was staged to make us care about the Oscars.

  • “Love makes people do crazy things”. That’s what my cheater said when I received a uni bomber letter in the mail from his AP telling me that if I loved him I should “step aside” for his sake. No return address and letter signed “you know who”. I had asked him “Does this seem like a healthy person to you” ?
    That quote was his response. He had cut her off and she stalked him for months. Using multiple phone numbers because he had blocked her # and half a dozen others that she tried to contact him with. Hence the uni bomber letter.
    He did pair up with her in the aftermath of that episode. I was traumatized at the time but now I chuckle to myself if I think of it and how that relationship is probably going for him. Ain’t love grand?

  • There comes a point when publicity begins to destroy an actor’s credibility. Angelina Jolie springs to mind. You see her in a film it is Angelina Jolie pretending, not somebody making a film character believable. Let’s hope Jada and the children erase all journalist’s numbers because Will is the one with the talent

  • Wow. Is there a hardline line between humor & cruelty? Laugh to dagger-eyes to slap to cursing to tears to dissociation to an apology or plea to be understood or rationalization or … Was that honor-my-wife or conditioned codependency or …Maybe a team of shrinks could analyze. All I can see are a few snapshots of deep, deep dysfunction on public display.

    • Correction: All I can see are a few snapshots *which represent the tip of the iceberg* of deep, deep dysfunction on public display.

  • They’ve both cheated on each other and it’s clear they both thrive on drama. I’ve watched Red Table talk and was horrified when Dr. Ramani came on and let them all spew (it seems like there is a narc nest in the Smith household). Jada and Will both have major narc tendencies and they both create and thrive on drama. Me personally, based on what I’ve seen on Red Table talk, their kids opening up, and outside family members/friends – I feel Jada is the lead snake and Will is reacting to her disfunction with more narcissism that he picked up to survive in the relationship. Believe it or not, that happens a lot in relationships with a narc. Either way, it’s toxic. Red Table talk is just another platform for her to gain supply, so I quit watching. Jada’s family of origin is very dysfunctional, she openly admits it and barfs her black woman victim card acting as if she triumphed bc she “survived”. That is very common for a narc….find an audience, play the victim card to gain favor all the while smearing their victim and portraying like she is amazing????????. The episode I watched, Jada proceeded to play the victim as if Will was the perpetrator and she was all sadz….then several weeks/months after that episode, the news of Jada’s affair came out.

    Jada acts all innocent and projects shit back onto Will, like a kid does when they are caught…..”Will did it too!!!! He cheated too!!! See….look at him, blame him”…..blah, blah, blah!????. I just want to slap her and say “Shut the Fuck up!” “No one gives a shit what color or race you are… are fucking up your kids and your family!”

    In reality, all of this shit is toxic and they now spew all this crap on their kids.????????. Their kids have even shared stories of the family dysfunction. I feel for them!!!!

    As a survivor of narc parents, the narc parent & the victim parent create a shitstorm dynamic for their kids. I am 1 of 4 kids from a divorced family. My mom left my cheating, abusive, very narcissistic father but the damage their toxicity set us all up to fail later in life, as we all had toxic tendencies. Thankfully 2 of us got help, learned about boundaries, red flags and got healthy after shitstorms of our own on epic proportions. Now, later in life, we are healthy. The other 2 are extremely narcissistic/toxic/abusive to the point where we don’t associate with them….they are dangerous to our health????

    As far as Dr. Ramani, for those of you who don’t know her, she specializes in Narc abuse and has some great info out there on YouTube and Instagram that I highly recommend watching. I was really disappointed that she went on Red Table talk and encouraged Jada and Will’s narc behavior allowing them a platform to discuss and project ???????? but I also know she was doing it to help get the message about narcissism out there because, sadly, it is a pandemic of epic proportions! Awareness and education needs to happen. Not all cheaters are diagnosed narcs but their tendencies/patterns are the same. It’s worth educating yourself any way you can to avoid toxic people in the future.

  • Attempting to untangle the skein of the snake pit of image obsessed actors is a fools errand. No contact is my action plan.

  • We teach children from very young ages to use their words not their fists when other frustrate or upset them

    Smith could use some therapy

    • All the analyzing in the world but it boils down to this: A physical assault as a response to a verbal assault is wrong.

  • Just a bunch of assholes doing asshole things…is what I used to think when my ex, his new girlfriend, and her ex were going 10 rounds in the ring-o-dysfunction. Especially when it spilled into my daughter’s world. I suspect Rock, Will and Jada are all Hollywood assholes in their own special ways. Watching the Smiths air their open relationship was beyond cringy. Hearing Rock’s standup where he joked about cheating on his wife was beyond clingy. Watching Rock make a bad joke about a woman’s hair loss was cringy…watching Will slap him was also cringy…altho of the four things, it definitely had the biggest wow factor. I tend to agree with folks who say it was staged. Even if it wasn’t, IMO they all deserve to be slapped, lol

  • I initially thought that the slap must have been staged when I watched it live. They muted the sound too( only in U.S. too) which added to the confusion.
    I couldn’t fully process that someone would be that level of out of control in such a public setting and actually act on that anger. It was surreal.
    It seems to speak volumes for the undercurrents that must be swirling in Smith’s life, like a tsunami is about to break the surface and the slap was just a glimpse of what lies below.
    It’s sad knowing it was real honestly, he is such a talented actor. So many of the truly gifted have such messed up personal lives, it is pretty tragic.
    Chris Rock’s joke was unvetted I’ve read and in the very poorest of taste, really very cruel, but taking cringey risks for laughs has always been Rock’s style. Any risk is worth it to get a joke to land, personal pains , just collateral damage to the cause.
    Still, there is ZERO excuse for punching someone in the face!
    It points to a person whose own issues are barely under wraps and they are always on the brink of unraveling. Will Smith showed the world he doesn’t feel in control of his life,and deep troubles brew inside.
    I still believe it was inexcusable and he should have been escorted out by security and have someone else accept his Oscar later in the show. That should never have been allowed to fly.
    He’s puts other comedians at risk now by doing that, there should be consequences. It was a very selfish act.
    It is Hollywood though, the land of inflated, entitled and out of control egos, where almost anything can and does happen, so not that unbelievable an event in that context I suppose. Different rules for the entitled class.
    Also, when two malignant narcissists marry( J and W), a life of chaos is a predetermined fate. I doubt all is perfect in paradise in the Smith household, the slap being just the tip to that iceberg.
    Maybe open marriages aren’t that great an idea for everyone, Will and Jada.

  • That whole shit show was right up there with Kanye’s obnoxious RUDE behavior towards Taylor Swift at the VMA show in 2009.
    As a spectator, I watched and thought “what the fuck was that ?!”

    Lupita Nyongo’s expression said it all.

    • My take is that if Will did a Kanye he could’ve used that stage to say something in support of his wife and her chronic illness. He could have have started out with “Imma let you finish but…”

      Noteworthy that Chris Rock did not hit back.

  • I keep wondering if Will was drunk. That’s not a great excuse if he was, but it would’ve explained his out-of-control behavior.

    • Solid point, I forgot about the alcohol card. That probably was a factor in that level of out of control behavior, but it’s never the entirety of the tale.

    • I also wondered if he was drunk or under the influence of…something. Idk, maybe he drank or took something, or both, to settle his nerves before the show. And whatever it was lowered his inhibitions.

  • Honestly, I think it was all an act. The ratings for The Oscars are so low that they all devised a click bait way of getting attention. Will and Jada and Chris are all laughing their way to the bank.


  • And this is why, imho, self-deprecating humour is the funniest. Nobody else is mocked for a medical condition, nobody goes up on stage during an internationally aired awards show and bitch slaps another.

  • They are garbage people doing garbage things. Watch the narcs in motion, watch them jump and play. The joke was funny till he caught a glimpse of his wife demanding that he do something about it. But she is not an honorable woman. Now watch the sheep try to align themselves on their socials to make sure they can be among the “good” people. Oopsy they say, I have to delete that Twitter comment, I came out on the wrong side, better get a new opinion installed once I check with the other “good” people.

    Interesting that the award he received was for playing a guy who notoriously abandoned his first family, leaving the wife to raise 5 kids alone. Williams went on to marry a couple more times and had affairs all along, fathering at least one more kid outside those marriages. But sure, let’s call that guy “King Richard” and then give the enraged cuckolded fool an award for playing that sociopath while his own wife spreads her legs for other men. He was good to make sure to cry so he doesn’t face assault charges or have the shiny plastic award taken away. Quick, Will – get your DARVO routine ready, especially if you can make it a racial thing if you are called out for your behavior.

    Disgusting. I guess Sean Penn will not be able to smelt down his own shiny plastic awards, that would be such a dud now since the spotlight was stolen so rudely. Must come up with a New Thing.

    The production of this art is populated by the worst of humanity.

    • Speaking of sheep, did you follow what happened at Harvard recently, when a long list of professors added their names to a victim blaming statement of support for a professor accused of sexual misconduct? There was public outcry, and Harvard admin even stepped in to warn folks not to jump to the accused professor’s defense without knowing the details. So the spineless victim blamers tried to save face by jumping ship and apologizing. It was shameful. Exactly what your first paragraph describes.

  • I think everything about this situation is fucked up!

    I also think we are burying the lead for CN. He won for a movie about “King Richard” a fucked up asshat who cheated on and abandoned a whole damn family then went on to continue to be egregious in the rest of his life. Seriously, this guy told his 8 year old that he was going to get her a bike and then never came home, left them broke and their mother suffering from cancer and we are honoring that and calling him a king because he chose to keep the kids he could make money from in his life. This whole thing is a mess!

    • I’ve just come to the conclusion the Hollywood and everone involved is a fucked up mess. Probably why I don’t have TV, and don’t watch so-called popular movies anymore.

  • Denzel Washington supposedly told Smith the devil will come after you at your highest moment. We can add another thing to excuse a person’s bad choice/poor character!

    • Maybe I just like Denzel Washington (brilliant actor) and that colors my view, but I took it that Denzel was trying to get Smith to see that what he did was definitely wrong and to keep Smith from doing or saying something similarly devil-inspired if he won and got the chance to speak on that stage – which is of course what happened not long after the slap heard round the world.

      • Hopium4years, That’s the best way to look at it. Hopefully Will Smith will take the blame and some anger management courses. Don’t think love, the devil or a bad childhood will do the same.

        (I think Denzel is a great actor as well! )

    • I guess it’s the stopped clock being right twice a day. Denzel Washington also reportedly threatened the career of a then-young actress of color in the 90s if she didn’t sleep with him and told Smith to never play a gay character (Smith did and successfully transitioned to film because of it).

    • ☝️“Devil comes after you at your highest moment” says Denzel. I don’t disagree, but
      will add ~ Devil attacks at weakest moments & hits the most injured area. Maybe the Devil & all demons are real &
      are really doing the work of Steal, Kill, Destroy~ whomever, whenever, wherever & however.

  • It was an ableist “joke.” The punch was maybe justified IMO. Maybe Jada is a shitty person. But “jokes” like that significantly harm the entire disability community. We are already the butt of too many jokes and currently, during the pandemic, the targets of so so much violence. Probably punching isn’t the answer but the anger was completely on point.

    • G.I. Jane was was huge hit that made Demi Moore even famous for her iconic buzzed hair. Although it didn’t age well, at the time there were very few movie that portrayed women as tough and capable. It was a step in the right direction for hollywood.

      I don’t see ableism in the joke. It certainly is poking fun, but that’s the JOB of the oscars host in its current format. It would be like making fun of an actor who got old and saying he could play gandalf, or an teasing an actor with an unkempt beard that he should be in the Revenant 2.

      We can say that making fun of someone’s appearance is never right, but if we really feel that way then we’ve got to stop watching the oscars, the correspondents dinner, and all other roast based comedy events.

      • “Making fun” of someone for a medical condition is ableism. Full stop.

  • When he was screaming “keep my wife’s name out of your f- mouth” not once but twice, he was absolutely unhinged. It was scarier than the slap. It’s not defending your wife, it’s not love, it’s violence. I could never be with someone who behaved like that. He can’t control himself at the freaking Oscars? What is he like at home? I can’t believe all the people on social media saying they would “defend” their wives/girlfriends in the same manner. Well buddy you won’t be my husband/boyfriend if you’re going to act like a lunatic like that.
    And the narcissistic speech just made it all so much worse. Oh the tears, what were the tears for? For himself, because he just destroyed his reputation, this will stay with him forever, and he knows it.

  • I saw very clearly that Will Smith’s initial response was LAUGHING.

    I see no protection or defense of anyone’s honor in that. It looks to me like he did some split-second impression management calculations.

    And the final concern expressed in his acceptance speech is “I hope I will be invited back.”

    If that were me, and I had a husband of integrity, I would want him to remain stone-faced, move next to me, put one arm around me, encircle me with his other arm and take my hand, and maybe have a word with Chris in private after the show.

    (I had a husband who NEVER stood up for me or defended me, and endured plenty of situations where I wished he had).

  • I may not have the popular opinion, but I honestly didn’t see it as all the above. There is a lot going on with this couple… a lot! I haven’t ever watched the red table talk stuff, “drama” etc, but I’m aware of it’s nature obviously because of social media. My personal take on the matter that happened at the awards show though is that Jada has an incurable disease and she has a bare head and her hair now because of the alopecia her hair won’t partially if not totally grow. She publicly admitted she suffers from this disease. A comedian joked about it on stage because she’s a bald woman and compared her to the next “GI Jane”. In my opinion it was obviously perceived as a dis. It was a joke, but a below the belt joke and not empowering or funny really at all. Maybe Will felt like Chris was being a bully making fun of the disease his wife was afflicted… so he went up there at bitch slapped him to “shame” him in front of everyone like he shamed his wife and her incurable disease. Maybe dissing someone with a disease is a line that’s intolerable for him. Putting hands on someone isn’t right ever. I just feel like he did that to take care of a “bully”. ????????‍♀️ If the joke involved a movie about a cancer stricken woman and it was stated Jada should star in it because Will’s wife had publicly stated she’s battling cancer… and Will did what he did, it’s still wrong but Chris would be more frowned upon to for joking about Cancer. ????????‍♀️

  • I was dissed by Oprah on national television when I was the featured guest on her show (April 15, 1992) and I didn’t respond by dissing her back. Instead, I faxed her at Harpo when I got home and told her how what she said made me feel. On camera, I side-stepped it and remained dignified while her studio audience laughed with her at me.

    And for the record, it’s impossible for me to know how it feels to be anyone but me, and that’s why a code of respecting others is always a winning response.

  • “The Q Score (popularly known as Q-Rating) is a measurement of the familiarity and appeal of a brand, celebrity, company, or entertainment product (e.g., television show) used in the United States. The higher the Q Score, the more highly regarded the item or person is, among those who are aware of the subject.“

    Maybe he meant “Q-ratings will make you do crazy things.” Like switch from laughter to violence to fake remorse in a matter of moments. I guess he might deserve the Best Actor award after all.

    Your Q rating is directly linked to the salary you can command as an actor….I’m very curious to see what happens….

  • Good afternoon CN,
    I don’t think that slap was “real” — I think it was some weird stunt. “Hey don’t treat my wife that way. Slap. Now for my next trick look at these crocodile tears”.
    Nah. Will and his Freak are repulsive narcissists, maybe a slight bit worse than Prince Harry and his Princess, so pretty much anything they do or say is not genuine or worth notice.
    I couldn’t tell you why Jada is “famous” and when I was a “kid”, Will was sort of just a bit better in character than the red headed kid from the Partridge Family.
    Having said that, Jada probably went and had a manage with whomever was near by and Will, well until he reads CL he’ll just be some fool who can’t take a joke.

  • I think that the role of comedy should be to “Afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted” (Finley Peter Dunn). Chris Rock’s joke was the opposite of that, and just plain mean–mocking a medical disability is not OK. He should know by now that when you publicly mock one person’s medical disability that you are mocking all the people with that disabililty and making all of their lives harder by making it more acceptable for everyone else to mock them. No matter how you feel about Jada or Will, or their relationship, Chris Rock was way out of line to be mocking ANY woman for having alopecia. I know two women that suffer from it, and yes, it is emotionally very painful for them; but it has also affected their ability to get jobs, relationships, even to feel confident going out in public. I think Chris Rock deserved that slap; he was getting as physical and personal and bullying as you can get with words. He’s lucky it wasn’t a punch. He should publicly apologize and contribute a big donation to research to cure alopecia.

  • I personally knew three people who stumbled and fell just so, hitting their heads and it resulted in their death. One, someone young, missed a step down into a dining room at a resort on vacation.

    One day while walking across the Golden Gate Bridge, I was shoved from behind by a woman running, who snarled at me as she ran past, “There are people running behind you!” I stumbled and regained my balance, but I could have easily fallen and hit my head and that would have been it.

    If that had happened to Chris Rock, I wonder how many people would be defending Will Smith’s behavior? (No, I don’t think it was staged. I don’t think Will would have been laughing initially if it had been staged.).

    I didn’t think Chris Rock was funny and I also find it upsetting that anyone defends what Will Smith did.

    You don’t get to put your hands on anybody because they piss you off. It’s why I am not writing you from jail today.

    • I’ve put in more than my two cents today, so please forgive me for putting a little more money where my mouth is.

      Like many chumps, I was visited by uncharacteristic thoughts of violence after DDay, which I was distressed by. A year after he left, I discovered yet another subterranean warehouse of lies and I lost my temper in a violent way, for the first time ever. It involved yelling at him and kicking a hole in the wall at our place of business. I don’t think it occurred to either of us that he could have had me arrested, but he could have. It was not lost on me when thinking about what happened later.

      On my own, the next day I signed up for the women’s batterer’s intervention class taught by my local domestic violence prevention organization. Enrollment in the class is almost exclusively court-mandated for women with charges. I signed up voluntarily because my actions scared me and made me realize I needed to sharpen my anger management tools divorcing a man who turned out to be a liar, cheater, thief, and an ongoing liar, cheater, thief from whom I could not completely disconnect because of a shared child and business.

      I am white. My classmates, who turned out to be all court-mandated, were white, black, Hispanic, and Asian. We were all given the same education and message about violence. It’s wrong, no matter what someone else does (unless of course it’s truly in self-defense). I am the only person responsible for my actions. I can’t blame anyone else for my violent actions.

      The class was three hours every Tuesday night for 52 weeks. All students had to pay a tuition fee based on their income. It’s what I was taught there that informs my opinions about today’s topic.

      True story:
      One thing that helps me maintain my integrity when I feel pissed off is the memory of Marc Klaas, who had to keep his mouth shut and his hands to himself when sitting in open court with the man who sexually assaulted, murdered, and dumped his daughter Polly.

      • …..while Richard Allen Davis, the man who had done it, flipped him off.

    • I greatly admire a little old lady in my neighborhood who pushes her shopping caddy full of books to the library. She’s bent over with osteoporosis and sports a bright pink bike helmet. Visibility and protecting her head from falls.

      I had to school a young man about aging;he questioned why she didn’t just stand up straight.

      If we live long enough, and don’t already manage a disability, we will eventually.

      Empathy and more informative health classes at school ?

  • Here is all I can think of to say is… if no one ever got up and bitch-slapped Ricky Gervais for his mannnnny off-color remarks while hosting award shows… this remark from Chris Rock (who insults everyone) didn’t warrant an on-screen slap across the face, particularly since Will chuckled at first but when Jada gave “the look” he jumped to Alpha. Seeing video of Tyler Perry and Denzel Washington talking to WS during the commercials following the show speaks volumes about how the POC issue(s) are being managed at the Hollywood level.

    Like we say here at Chump Nation, take the high road. Go no contact. Be the sane parent.

  • I viewed a TikTok by @lackofimpulsecontrol where the content creator posits that this situation is extremely nuanced and that white people cannot fully understand. As a white woman, I will need to be cognizant that any judgements I could make run the very real risk of sinking into supremacy.

    The creator explains that Black women have a lifetime of individual and collective trauma around being Black women, and the narratives around Black hair, and the very real disparities in healthcare. Then there are all the unfair ways that expressions of anger by Black humans are viewed by whites as thuggery or crime, when similar behaviors by white people would be excused.

    There’s no arguing the spectacle was awful and triggering. However, as chumps we know what it’s like to have others not understand the complexity and nuance of our experience. We own the pain of having strangers talking about, and analyzing, and judging us to assuage their own discomfort.

    Many of us have endured mortifying situations stemming from either our FWs’ abuse or our own regrettable behaviors when we were still doing the pick-me dance of the trauma-bonded. I am grateful that the worst moments of my “wreckonciliation” were not captured in a live broadcast.

    Just like any of us, these are real people with real feelings. For all we know, some of the people involved might even read this blog or be part of CN. Let’s be careful and kind, and guided by the platinum rule.

    • I am sorry but don’t let multimillionaires fool you into thinking they have the same issues as other POC.
      I am a POC and I think that if we do not call out wrong for what it is “wrong!”, we are complacent with injustice. A form of respect is holding people to higher standards, because then you believe they can live up to these standards. Will Smith could have easily interrupted his sentence, expressed his displeasure, expressed his opinion and everything would have been fine.

    • Thank you so much for this comment. I’m a BIPOC woman and there is a lot of covert racism from chumps in these comments, coupled with the usual sexism here against Jada. The Smiths are life partners & knowingly/consentually polyamorous, so why folks insist on repeatedly calling them out as cheaters here, I will never understand. But it’s become like an intentional lack of comprehension about the basic publicly known facts of their life at this point. Anyway, I appreciate your allyship and empathy! Thank you, sis. ????

  • I found Smith’s affected gangsta swagger as he left the stage sickening. This isn’t my idea of a strong man.

    Interesting take by Brendan O’Neill this morning: “I see it differently. Smith’s behaviour was not an example of masculinity – it was a failure of masculinity. Sure, we all understand the instinct to defend loved ones from insult or injury. But just as important is the ability to govern one’s emotions, to be the ruler of one’s instincts, and to know you must modify your behaviour in certain situations.”

  • Whaaaat? I thought they were doing a comedy bit. Holy shit! That was real?

    Well, that’s what staying with cheaters will ultimately turn you into and you end up doing crazy shit like that. He’s in deranged, self-deluded chump mode. That happens when everybody knows you’re married to a POS but you can’t face it so you lash out at anyone who disrespects the cheater. Wow, he sure made a fool of himself. However, Chris Rock is a horrible person who has needed a bitch slapping for a long time, so I’m not sorry for him.

  • I’m kind of torn about the whole thing. Chris Rock made a real impression when he justified the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Not everything is excusable under the banner of humor.

    One of the reasons I’m not entirely against “cancel culture” for cruel, shitty humor is that I take humor very seriously. First I used to work with comedians and some of them are quite serious about what they do and for serious reasons. Humor is a political tool (OTPOR ousting Milosevic with humor) and a tool of survival (POWs who employ gallows humor have better survival rates). It’s also a tool of abuse as anyone who’s ever been gaslighted has probably figured out. I am entirely against censorship since democracy only works if you defend the free speech of people you can’t stand but I’m not against divestment. So it’s fine when racist, sexist, ableist, generally gratuitously rotten assholes get fired and lose their platforms but not jailed unless they directly threaten someone’s life. I also don’t think people who use rotten humor should be physically attacked on principle even if I understand the impulse.

    I try to hold myself to a higher standard on use of humor but often fail. The AP in my situation wore thick clown makeup to hide acne scars, had a squat neck and a midget voice. She (Jesus cheater who apparently fucks agnostics if they fork out enough money) also called me “devil woman” before I knew she existed, bilked my family of tens of thousands and wished me dead. The latter three points are the real takeaways– not the fact that she’s pretty much destined to end up as a dead ringer for an unreformed Tammy Faye Bakker.

    The meaner observations– some made by friends, a few by me, a few by my daughter– seemed pretty funny when I was still in shock. But I’ve become more and more conscious of how they wash up at the feet of all sorts of unintended victims like women with PCOS, short people and people with vocal disorders, not to mention religious friends. To keep from having to cancel myself, I actually do a list of “great/heroic people with the same random traits as the AP and FW.” I think it’s a great tactic to prevent bigotry from setting in and would recommend it as a healthy CN Friday Challenge. I even made myself watch the RuPaul interview with Tammy-Faye in which Tammy Faye isn’t completely horrible.

  • Really interesting how many times people in this thread have used the term “bitch slap,” a phrase who’s etymology is at best lgtbq-phobic, and at worst is rooted in killing or physically beating a woman into submission.

    I’m not normally the language police but the topic and comments today really have my head spinning!

  • When I saw Will Smith hit Chris Rock I thought that Will Smith just ended his entire career and legend as a fantastic actor. No matter what he does or when he does it the very first sentence of the very first paragraph of everything written about him from this point forward will be about him hitting Chris Rock at the Academy Awards over a stupid joke that Jada herself makes jokes about. Chris Rock is crude but also insightful. He did what he does. He made a crude joke about Jada’s hair. Will Smith was supposed to be better than that – but he isn’t. What a shame. What a moron. Ozzy Osborn pissed on the Alamo and his career took off! Maybe if Jada finds another fuck-buddy and her hair grows back Will Smith’s career will be saved. Until then he looks like a man who needs to prove himself to his cheater wife.

  • I suspect this was a setup…a publicity stunt, if you will. As for Will Smith crying through his speech, he’s an actor.

  • I would hate to be in such a situation: “open marriage ” “tasteless jokes” “fucking mouth ” “vessel of love”. The whole world having a opinion

    A simple life is a good one.

  • I have read plenty of responses here. I will give you my opinion and an incident that happened with FW when we were married.
    I’m a 55 year old man. Many men my age grew up fighting. We were taught by the our dads to defend ourselves and our families. Likewise we were also taught to respect women and protect them.
    Years ago Another surgeon grab my STBXW’s ass. I knocked him out. This was before sexual harassment was taken seriously. It almost cost me my job but I would do it again, yes even for the FW. It is how I was raised and will never apologize for defending my family.
    As for Will Smith, We don’t really know what type of a relationship the Smiths have, therefore everything said is speculation. I know Jada is has alopecia and Rock’s “joke” more than likely hit a nerve and hurt her. Will Smith decided he wasn’t going to tolerate it. His actions were based on his experience. I give him a pass and I am sure most men over 50 would agree.

    • Dude. Will Smith was laughing first. And the reality is she is not “innocent” in any of this – she makes fun of her baldness and has embraced it openly. Chris Rock was reflecting that in his joke by suggesting she could be the Black GI Jane. I don’t even think he was making fun of her. I just think Will Smith realized that his cheating wife didn’t like the joke and he wasn’t supposed to laugh or she might cheat again with the lawnmower guy.

  • Once I was at a writers’ party where one of the single men, let’s call him Doug, got progressively drunker through the evening and progressively more lecherous. He was hitting on anyone with boobs; me, the hostess, the married women. One man warned Doug once. Then he warned Doug again. You know, the first time it was a joke, and the push back was good natured; the second time it was a bit more like, come on man, keep your hands to yourself. We all heard Doug get warned. The third time Doug tried accidentally bumping into this guy’s wife chest/drink, the guy decked him. I’ve never been at a party where someone threw a punch in the kitchen. Doug was suddenly on the floor; the guy took a walk; some of the other men got Doug up and called him a cab.

    Some people thought the husband was way out of line. Doug was “only” doing what so many women have dealt with before. Whaddaya gonna do? Call the cops? When it comes to sexual harassment and “light assault,” if you call cops you’re basically calling men with guns anyway. If Doug hadn’t got hit, his hands would have been on more women that evening. I don’t know. Maybe the men / hosts could have collectively asked Doug to leave. I learned something about myself that evening, because I think of myself as anti-toxic-masculinity and yet I didn’t think the punch was over the top. I realized I have a line or circumstances in which I think someone can deserve it, i.e. when it’s actively stopping a harm from happening.

    I don’t know whether there’s backstory between Smith and Rock where Jada has been harmed or threatened by Rock. The body language of the evening doesn’t suggest it. All three seem narcissistic. As a Black femme, I find it interesting that Smith is getting a public opinion pass for an action most American Black men could absolutely not get away with (we’ll see how the Academy protects itself in the coming days), while at the same time wanting to give both men a shake: Rock for his low blow at a sister who is publicly dealing with a health condition, and Smith for managing to make the whole evening about him, him, him.

    • M,
      I think of myself as anti-toxic-masculinity and yet I didn’t think the punch was over the top.
      Funny that STBXW told me after the incident that a similar situation occurred in front of first husband and he did nothing. She said from that moment on she never felt safe with him. He left her for another woman. I guess the price I paid for protecting her and making her feel safe was her infidelity. Go figure

    • The reality is she is not “innocent” in any of this – she makes fun of her baldness and has embraced it openly. Chris Rock was reflecting that in his joke by suggesting she could be the Black GI Jane. I don’t even think he was making fun of her. I just think Will Smith realized that his cheating wife didn’t like the joke and he wasn’t supposed to laugh or she might cheat again with the lawnmower guy.

  • I don’t know. This whole thing is so complex and yet so simple. I’m a middle-aged white man who lost his hair in his early 20s. As such, I’ve lived a life in which my baldness has been a soft target for both strangers and friends.

    I’ve lost count of the number of times in my life that somebody has made a joke about my hair loss and I’ve been forced to take it on the chin or risk appearing over-sensitive. Somehow it’s OK to make jokes about men losing their hair, while it is not OK to make jokes about people being overweight, for example.

    In other words, what I think I’m trying to say is, yes, it was an over-reaction on Will Smith’s part. An over-reaction to a very mean-spirited and unnecessary ‘joke’ on the part of Chris Rock. We’ll never know what really drove Will Smith to react in this manner. But as someone who has been the butt of similar jokes all I can do is sit and imagine the number of nights that Will has held Jada while she cried about what has happened to her. And then try to place myself in his shoes as he sits waiting to collect his first Oscar and sees his wife’s face drop when that awful ‘joke’ hits her.

    And yes, she, herself, may have made jokes about her alopecia on her blog or whatever. I, too, have made jokes about my own hair loss. That doesn’t mean that I want people to laugh at me. It means I’m trying to keep up a brave face.

    It’s wrong to use violence in any form. And Will Smith shouldn’t have done it. But I guess I’m saying that I understand why he did it.

  • What shook me even more than the slap, was Will Smith’s swagger and smug grin off stage immediately afterward. He sensed the audience (sick) approval as he was the “powerful man of the hour up for the biggest honorary award of the night”. I saw his actions as a blatant abuse of that power, humiliating someone to exert that power.
    This is NOT true power Will Smith. This is cowardice.

    • ☝️Yes, the swagger & smirk after the slap seemed like…
      the butter on the bread (slap). What triggered me most was
      the verbal violent rage that followed. You’re so right:
      Power run amuck.
      Hope Chris Rock’s public conduct truly reflects how he’s doing on the inside.

  • “Love makes you do crazy things”
    Maybe truth is “Unhealed Trauma,
    Believing Lies, Telling Lies, Trying to keep on a public mask while simultaneously dropping mask (Red Table Talk) makes you do crazy things”.
    Who could sustain that kind of cognitive dissonance (about the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth VS selective truth, subjective truth, partial truth) without incident? without consequences? without more complications & further confusion?
    without collateral damage?
    It’s not lost on me that this unraveling took place during a ceremony where an idol (the statue itself) is the prize. Question for myself & all could be ~ Who or what do we worship?

  • “”
    article written about what is a
    marriage VS what Will & Jada’s word salad about their relationship.
    #cautionary tale

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