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The New Site Is Here!

Chump Lady New Hey, welcome to the new site! It’s looking pretty spiffy, huh?

Kick the tires and have a look around. We’re still working out a couple glitches, like the search function, but should have it ironed out shortly. And of course, let me know in the comments if you find something.

As you can see, I’ve been airbrushed, but still as snarky as ever.

Some new features you might enjoy — UPVOTING on the comments! Woot!

Translation pages in the top menu!

Links to the off-site support communities!

A better landing page for the newbies. Who are you and why are you taking away my unicorn? Let me explain…

Faster loading! Better mobile interface…

A huge thank you to Rowboat Media for taking this on and doing such a terrific job.

I appreciate everyone’s patience. I’ve been loathe to say when the new site was going live after my last IT debacle. I won’t go too much into the ugliness of the last site design, except to say it was bad. When the woman crashed my site, and pretended like she didn’t crash my site (gaslighting!) — I demanded an answer. She texted me a picture of her afternoon snack instead. (Chocolate milk.)

I might have congenital chumpiness, but I found my boundaries. I pulled the plug and documented the whole nightmare to American Express (complete with chocolate milk exchange). Took several months, but I got half my money back. Annnnyway

Just like in real life, the right relationship makes all the difference and is well worth waiting for.

Please enjoy the new site! Back to regular programming tomorrow.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at Read more about submission guidelines.
    • There’s Today’s Post and then a button below “See all posts…” (which brings you to the archives). I decided to do away with a week’s worth of posts on the landing page, instead opting for real estate for the newbies. If you want to read yesterday’s post, there’s a link on today’s post. If you want to read back further, visit the Archives.

      • Thank You, Chump Lady! Happy Day! The first day of Spring and the first day of your new site! Thank You for all you do for Chump Nation!

      • It’s beautiful! Thank you for all you do, you’ve saved my sanity more than once. Long ago, I found your site, and it created a whole new way of thinking, in this silly Chump’s mind, and it made all the difference. At the airport, on my way to Kauai ???? no FW in sight!

  • Thank you, CL, for persevering and bringing us this improved site. You have been a lifesaver to countless anonymous chumps, and I thank you. eirene lux (formerly known as ColdTurkey)

    • PS: Can someone please airbrush me as well?

      I found this site nearly ten years ago and continue to read daily, both for the nuggets of wisdom and the spectacular spunkiness of Chump Nation. Since 2013 I have been measuring my steady progress out of chumpiness in terms of my evolving reactions to other chumps’ stories, and I’m pleased to report that, because of the positive reinforcement that this group of badass survivors provides, I now have a stiffer backbone and a steely glint in my eye. It has been a while since anyone in my dysfunctional family has tried to bulldoze over me — Resistance is NOT futile.

  • Thank you for all you do
    You saved my sanity.
    When he saw me reading your book 2.5 years ago, he called me ‘rude’ ????
    Now divorced, finally….
    he made it so difficult!!
    house is up for sale, almost at Tuesday xx

  • Stunning! Spectacular! Impressive! Smashing! Dazzling! Sensational!
    In other words, I am SOOOOOO proud of you
    ForgeOn! Tracy……ForgeOn! ChumpNation Love to ALL

  • Thank you for sticking with this and not quitting on the redesign, and for being here every day. You are dependable, and some of us have relied on you to get us through some of the worst times of our lives.

  • Very nice landing page for the newbies to get started on their way to meh! I LOVE the “vote” button!! That is one feature that I always wished was on this site, because I never had time to reply to every comment (who does?) and just wanted to let a chump know they were heard and supported. Thanks, Chump Lady! 🙂

  • Love to see this. I will miss my green little monster icon, though. Hope you’re having a great weekend, Tracy! You’re the best!

      • I love the new site! It’s beautiful and I appreciate all you do. This website has helped me so much and has given me strength. I too will miss seeing all the cute monster icons.

  • Superb. Chump Lady, your wise snark deserves this beautiful site! Thank you Tracy for all your care for us chumps, you will never know how many of us you helped haul out of Hell. And thank you Rowboat for the amazing upgrade!

  • Yay! The new improved lifeboat has been launched!
    Breaking a virtual bottle of Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider against the bow here….

  • This looks great! Way easier to comment and reply!

    Formerly known as ChumpNoMore (because apparently I’m not the only one with that alter ego).

    I’m going with “I Am Enough” because while being chumped sucks, and I will always have some relationship PTSD, it made me prioritize ME and MY wants and needs. And I learned that I am enough myself. I didn’t ask for this life, and I would never “thank” the FW for this life, but I know now that I don’t need to be in love to be whole.

    • I was watching a Steven Colbert interview to the WSJ, I think, when he said that that phrase – “you know, man, you’re enough” – coming from a friend’s mouth after a jog during a depression bout in his college years pretty much turned tables for him and helped him get on his feet again. Yes, you’re enough, IAE, and each one of us chumps are enough too, even if it took a while and some pain and misery for us to realize that. Cheers!

    • “I didn’t ask for this life, and I would never “thank” the FW for this life, but I know now that I don’t need to be in love to be whole.”

      You said it, IAE. It’s nice to be in love, but to need to be in love is not healthy. Fuckwits need fake “in love” sparkles to fill the emptiness inside them. We don’t.

  • Thank you, Tracy, from the bottom of my heart for all you do so selflessly. I cannot even begin to imagine how much of your work and time (and money!) you put out just to help us chumps, and I am so grateful for that. You truly saved my life.

    Thanks for and congratulations on the new site, it looks awesome.

    One question I have a long time now is why some of my comments keep going to moderation (I just posted one on the ‘OW’s kids insulting me’ post). This usually happens when I narrate some grim episode, so I guess there are some keywords that lead automatically to moderation?

    Anyway, I don’t expect CL to answer this silly question of mine now with so much going on on the site, but if some fellow here in CN could drop me a hint as to why is that, I would be grateful.

    • The site has spam filter software. Think of it like a dial. If you don’t dial it up enough, spam gets through. If you dial it too high, regular posters get trapped in moderation. I do fish out comments in moderation, but it depends on when I’m at my desk and can do it (early morning and evenings, mostly). If there are links, multiple links, or a word the spam filter doesn’t like (I do have some troll traps), it will go to moderation. All to say, mostly likely it’s nothing personal, it’s the spam filter. You can always shoot me an email.

      • Thank you for replying to this, CL!
        I’m not very tech-savvy, but I now understand. I never though it was something personal though, I was just worrying whether I was doing something unsavory by the site’s standards.

        Thanks again for all of the support you provide us in our darkest hour.

        I’m taking a tour through the new site and enjoying it very much. The new like button is really something very useful. Cheers!

        • I think you’re right, Brazilian, about certain keywords triggering temporary banishment to moderation.. Several years ago I changed my name from ColdTurkey because (as Tracy kindly explained it to me) that country name was associated with spammers, and therefore, my comments were constantly “in moderation.”

          My very best to you in your continuing personal growth.

          • Thanks for the possible explanation, eirene! It makes a lot of sense.
            Maybe I will change my screen name as well (it would also be a good safety measure due to some concerns I have).
            I chose my current screen name both to highlight some particulars of my chump experience that I think are indigenous to my country, and also to preemptively excuse myself for my all too common errors in English writing. Cheers!

    • I was pleasantly surprised that my old icon transferred to this new site, since several years ago it took me quite some time to do it properly. Measure of my continuing progress: Today I shrugged and said to myself “Oh well, if my chosen avatar is gone, I can figure it out. I can do this.”

    • You can create a gravatar here. Generally if you have an email associated with a gravatar it will show up here. (That also can work against you if your picture shows up and you want to be anonymous — use a different email/gravatar account.)

    • It took some trial and error, but I was able to figure it out. Holler if you need additional help. Especially because I miss your icon as well! It helps to find your embedded additional wisdom each day! My daughter is a year older than your’s and also wants nothing to do with her father. Your experiences with Dr. Kickass are always appreciated!

  • Congratulations on this new site! May you continue to change lives for the better every day, as you did mine almost 6 years ago! ???? ????

  • Hi Chump Lady,

    The new site is beautiful! I find it much easier to read than the old one.

    And, thank you for everything you do to help people who are in terrible pain, including the (sadly) necessary slaps up the side of the head!

    The content on this site has helped me process a lot of what happened during the collapse of my parents’ marriage and subsequent ugly divorce. My father was unfaithful to my mother, and he was an alcoholic. I finally concluded I had to suggest she divorce him, and it turned out she had already seen the light and was thinking about it. And she moved out and started the divorce a couple of months afterwards.

    It’s also helped me recognize red flags in past relationships although those didn’t involve infidelity. And I’ve learned a lot about drawing and enforcing boundaries and watching out for narcissists and users. Call it preventive medicine, I guess!

    I’ve been fortunate not to be involved with anybody like that, so far, but, you have to keep your eyes open. My cynicism and paranoia have (sadly) served me well. My attitude is that there are things I just won’t put up with from a man, and I support myself, so I’ve never had to.

    I saved the “boyfriend rules” that someone posted in comments a couple of weeks ago, just in case I ever need a review!

    • Can you resend Boyfriend rules?
      Probably general boundary maintenance guidance /good to have in hand.

  • Bright, new, beautiful website Tracy! Perfect for all our bright, new, beautiful tomorrows!
    I know how challenging/frustrating this experience has been (a chocolate milk photo????) but we are grateful for you and your perseverance.
    Thank you for all that you do for all of us.

    Since Tracy won’t ask this…
    For any newbies, this site is supported by Chump Lady. Her expenses to run this site are astronomical. If you can afford $1 a month or $5 a month (or $1,000 a month) please find the red Patron button at the top and give what you can on a monthly basis.
    It REALLY a makes a difference.
    A little bit from as many chumps as possible would go a VERY long way!!!

  • Her response was a picture of her chocolate milk? WTF? Maybe that’s how inarticulate gaslighters tell you to fuck off these days.

    Great looking site. I’m not sure about the upvoting, as it tends to make people competitive about getting votes. I’ve seen so many people try to support their point by saying; “I have more upvotes than you!” as if that proves they are right. But folks at CN don’t seem to have those kind of petty tendencies, so it’s probably going to work out.
    Congratulations on the new site!

    • The new like button concerned me at first sight for pretty much the same reasons you pointed out, OFFHS, since it could give this site a social media dynamics that it healthly didn’t have. But I too found reassurance on what I perceive as the general good-naturedness of the commenters (except for very few exceptions); anonimity also, I think, thwarts vain attention-seeking behaviour (what would be the point of it, anyway?); and the fact that it is very rare for a fight to break up from a heated argument here (although I have read some heated exchanges as of late; but I think every now and then everybody jerks out and it’s okay if we just leave it at that).
      What I felt was very useful is that sometimes we are in a hurry but would like to acknowledge we read someone’s story or comment and are supportive of them, but just don’t have enough time or energy to leave a reply. The new like button comes in handy then. Also, the unlike button could help isolate trolls or too aggressive comments and give negative feedback to discourage these practices (which, again, I have rarely seen here), besides preventing some well-meaning, maybe newbie chump from falling for misguided advice or blameshifting. I, for one, am all for not feeding the trolls and think I will never use the unlike button lest give them the feedback these kind of people crave for – any kind, from anyone. Cheers!

      • On Reddit they suggest people avoid the downvote (unlike) button and just scroll by. That’s what I will do here.

        • Yes, not “unlike” ????‍♂️ ????, I was trying to say “dislike”, but “downvote” is definitely the word I was looking for… ????????????
          I usually don’t bother to correct my English here after the fact because I already expect myself to make many mistakes besides typos (I misspell and suck at conjugating verbs) and I know people understand the language barrier and are cool with that.

          But “unlike” in place of “dislike”… argh ???? ????

          Thanks for the remAinder (????), IAE, and sorry, folks!

  • I haven’t had a chance to look around much but I am loving the really clear font and simple design!!: Congratulations!

  • Thank you for a million things. For holding us up when we were so far down. For making us laugh when we thought we’d never laugh again…for all the courage and strength through your words daily. For making us realize we deserved more and to settle for nothing less. 6 years out and I pass your book and this website out to everyone I know in this awful situation…. thank you for investing in all of us and all of those to come. I am grateful. ????

  • Great new site!!! And congratulations, Tracy !!!

    And so glad to see the familiar CN names making their way to the new location!

    I was just trying to help a friend, stumbling through Google searches of “ChumpLady” plus potentially good keywords, trying to find the name of the no-contact co-parenting app (found it, in one of Tracy’s articles that also had a lot of additional highly on-target content for my friend’s circumstances). I had not made it over to the new site yet, and then when I did I could not immediately find the archives. But Google saved the day, and Friend now has the “wizard” app info, and links to 2 of Tracy’s hard-hitting articles that Friend can arm herself with, plus a brain dump of useful info and concepts I’ve been fortunate enough to have learned from CL and CN. Thank you Tracy and CN for all of that !!!

    Just read through this first post, and all the comments, and am glad to see there’s a “like” button now (there are so many, many, many comments I wish I could have “liked” in the past!), and so glad to read Tracy’s comment that a search feature is being implemented! It all looks so great! So exciting ! Off to explore !

  • Thank you so much Chump Lady for saving my life and teaching me invaluable life skills that I will treasure for life. I have referred countless chumps to your amazing book and blog and will continue to do so because your lessons are invaluable. Thank you Tracy, thank you.

  • Awesome congratulations. Is there a glossary of terms here like in LACGAL? If there is sorry but I can’t find it. If not may be helpful for newbies.

  • New site looks awesome, thank you Tracy!! One minor gripe: the “see all posts” button on the main page isn’t working for me on mobile (Android, tried Firefox and Chrome). Looks great other than that!

      • Thanks so much, Tracy! One more gripe, sorry about this – and I totally understand if it’s a feature not a bug – but since comments don’t get nested on mobile, I can’t figure out which comments are replies.

        On closer inspection, replies have a thin grey line on their left, but it’s very light and hard to see. Perhaps said line could be thickened or darkened?

        My apologies once more for the nitpicking – I spend way too much time on this site 🙂

  • Hi Tracy..Hi Paul,
    My morning routine consists of strong coffee- like 8 cups o joe- a brief scan of my Horrorscope, then your blog entry, then onto some conspiracy theories blog sites ( I’ve always found theses subjects fascinating).
    If I see a chomped up male I’ll rsvp with my experience, strength and hope.
    I found my solution here in your site more so LACGAL, with lotsa great ladies and fellow men surfers of the V1.0 shitshow that were kind enough to share and encourage me,
    The valley of “Meh” has the best sunny beaches and the conch fritters are perfection.
    As my mother said, “You will have lots of stars in your crown”.

  • I might be the only one with this comment and I hesitate to say this seeing I get so much out of this site. On the next posting with the UBT, I’m having a hard time distinguishing UBT snark from the letter writer. It appears to be the same font and spacing to me.

  • You forget to check in for a few days and you come back to a brand new site! 😀 YAY!! I love it, Tracy. It is worth the wait. Thank you!

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