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Bill Gates Has a Sadz About His Divorce

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sadzIsn’t it regrettable when nebulous clouds of divorce just descend upon innocents? Microsoft founder Bill Gates is one such sad case. In an interview with Vanity Fair this week, he says he’d marry Melinda all over again. And appears exceptionally clueless about why she’s not his “friend.”

Not only did the Microsoft founder’s 27-year-long marriage to Melinda Gates recently come to an end, but he’s also had to deal with the death of his father and the onset of a global pandemic. But Bill confessed that “the weirdest part has been the kids leaving,” as his youngest just went off to college. He added, “My wife’s graduated as well so I’m going to have lots of interesting dinners at the house. I figure a few times a week I will have various experts come. I have this nice house that lends itself to great discussions. But it feels too big most of the time. I am only a small-sized person.”

Oh right, she didn’t quit you for sticking your, um, floppy disc in multiple drives. Or having a long-term affair with your old girlfriend. She graduated.

Magna cum laude in leaving a cheater.

So weird you didn’t mention it!

Especially as you have an entire house devoted to discussions. Wow!

The multi-billionaire went on to explain that while he’s not really a “visibly emotional” guy, “Maybe somewhere deep inside I am.” He added that while his divorce has by no means been an easy process, “I feel lucky that I get to work with [Melinda]. And we have the annual employee meeting at the Foundation and the Giving Pledge and the annual meeting in June that she and I host together.” And while Melinda previously declined to label their post-split relationship a “friendship,” Bill said, “I would say that. In an interview she chose not to use that word, but I’ll use it. We have a, you know, super important, complex, close relationship where we’ve chosen to work together. And I’m very happy that we get to work together. You know, we built the Foundation together.”

Gosh Melinda, Bill likes you so much and you’re so withholding. He thinks of you as a friend, and you’re all “Give me $7 billion to eradicate malaria.” He has feelings! Somewhere! They were going to be revealed eventually, but you only gave it 27 years.

In a previous interview, Melinda also said she is still grieving their relationshipand Bill said he feels that way as well. “I’m also grieving the same way she is. Yes,” he confirmed.

Damn those divorce clouds!

Actually Bill, Melinda is grieving like someone who gave 27 years of her life to a serial cheater who humiliated her on a global stage. And you’re a douchebag bragging about your dinner guests. Too bad Jeffrey Epstein can’t make your next fete.

When I got married, yeah, Microsoft was a big deal. But I was a young 38-year-old and she was a mature 28-year old, and over those next few years, in terms of what we learnt together, what went well, what didn’t go well…I mean, that’s more than half my adult life. And so, yes, you’re very used to going home and saying, ‘Oh, I did this well,’ or, ‘Oh, I did this poorly,’ or, ‘Oh, I called this person the wrong name.’ We did a lot together.” When asked if he misses that dynamic, he added, “Yes, sure. I’m lucky that a part of it continues. Which I think is super.”

Melinda, you were a good wife appliance. There with a cue card whenever Bill muffed a name. When he looks back over a 27 year marriage, this is what he remembers. Telling you about himself.

“Every marriage as the kids leave the house will go through a transition. Mine sadly went through this transition called divorce. But from my point of view it was a great marriage. I wouldn’t have changed it. You know, I wouldn’t choose to marry someone else.”

HE CHOSE YOU, MELINDA! You may have left the field, but you won the pick me dance! He doesn’t regret marrying… Melania… Melody… Marion….

Damn it, where’s the cue card?

MELINDA!

#friends4ever

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Sometimes I think the hardest part of dealing with a narcissist, isn’t the lying, cheating, abusive and dismissive things they do. But the fact how clueless they are, as to why you hate them, have soo much pain, are disgusted by them. Things like , we can still be friends, you would really like him/her, we can be a big happy family. The kids will be happy if I am etc…… This is what makes you slap them into next week.

    • Not to mention the “Switzerland” friends and enablers who will now critique M. as bitter for not wanting to be “friends” and who will go along with his “all good things mysteriously come to an end through no fault of my own” BS narrative.

      • Yeah, what’s wrong with you Melinda? Bill has no hard feelings why do you?
        Why can’t you be his friend??
        Don’t you remember the good times you and Bill had together? Like talking about how good he is at his job? Listening to Bill laughing at his own jokes?

        • Jeez. Klootzak gets upset if no one asks him how his day was. Here’s the deal… at dinner, usually we would just take turns telling everyone about our day. But Klootzak couldn’t do that. He must be ASKED how his day is because if you don’t ask, it means you don’t care about him.

          Guess what, klootzak? IDGAF how your day was. Please go take a long walk off a short pier.

        • Or how his biggest sexual fantasies are about you, specifically as he remembers during the time between discovery and when you asked him to sleep in a different room.

          “You were very generous to me during that time, but I understand that the experience was not the same for you.”

          Umm, nope. For me it was traumatic, which he acknowledges! So his greatest sexual fantasies are of me during the time I was in trauma and crisis because of his actions? Also, creepy: to deal with the trauma, I was on a sleeping med during this time that he called my “truth serum” because it made me kind of say or do anything if kept awake. AND! To further emphasize his self focus: These things he remembers were all about me pleasuring him. I did not allow him to touch me during this weird time. So much grief and trauma and fear can lead to that.

          This was part of a letter where he excused his betrayal in terms of how he was a scared little boy with an alcoholic after and this led him to be a perfectionist because he learned that if he was a perfect little boy then people would love him. So this is why he was mean to me and hid his sexual secrets. Because had to be perfect.

    • Fully agree Hcard… add in this gem “wouldn’t it be great if we got remarried again someday” which was dropped on me mid-divorce. Bill Gates should have Mr. Sparkles over for dinner. #clueless

    • I so agree Hcard! My FW still thinks we are going to remarry (other people) and get a beach house together. IF I could afford a beach house, he is absolutely the last person I would share it with. Completely delusional.

      • And of course, when the kids end up hating them too, that’s clearly our fault. Even when they admit (under duress, believe me!) doing stuff that hurt the kids, they feel entitled to immediate and complete forgiveness, and it’s our fault if that doesn’t happen.

    • As for being clueless on hating them it is because they don’t believe anyone can hate them. How can you hate something so great? It would be like hating air or water.

    • Anyone else notice the boundary stomping in Bill’s *insistence* that they’re friends, after being told his ex-wife doesn’t feel the same way? Friendship is a two-way street and requires two parties to agree. Bill seems to think he can override Melinda’s free will.

      Tells you so much about the cheater mindset: THEY define reality. THEIR thoughts and feelings take priority, while yours don’t matter at all.

  • All that goddamn money and no goddamned sense. He makes me sick. Just a common run-of-the -mill cheater spouting cheater nonsense. I curse him to have only the dinner guests Ester Perlman and Joe Rogan show up when he invited the Obamas.

    Bill Gates is supposed to be so brilliant. He just repeats the same tired cheater lines. I swear there is a secret club for cheaters. They have a handbook and a special handshake. I hope he suffers all the pain he caused his faithful wife of decades. I hope everything he did to her is done to him.

    • Amen. I am convinced there is a handbook and maybe a secret academy where they teach each other new ways to practice deception on the folks who love them.

    • It wouldn’t make a difference if the cheater experienced what the Chump has. Because they don’t bond like others do, so they don’t hurt like we do. And they don’t self-reflect, so they don’t learn. It’d be like when I buy a fridge that breaks down constantly and then I have to pay to replace; annoying, frustrating, unfair. But not that big a deal.

    • I read that Esther Perle has been helping Will & Jada with their relationship (before slap). With just the stellar outcome you would expect.
      You are so right, money and/or education are no guarantee of common sense. Sadz.

  • It’s reading things like this that make me so happy that I’m an unknown person of very little interest to the world. I could never be a celebrity; I value my privacy and my little life too much. I would have anxiety attacks if my ex ever spoke about me publicly like this because it would look *just like this.* (“I don’t know why she doesn’t want to be my friend; we just drifted apart, that’s all.”)

    • So true. Remember when everyone wanted their 15 minutes of fame? In the age of mass surveillance and of millennials whose every poor choice and humiliating moment will haunt them forever on the web, the elusive holy grail is privacy.

        • I’m glad I got through the worst of my teens before the advent of internet and email. I went through a party girl phase that was tame by today’s standards and was over it before turning 19 but I’m still glad what happened in Vegas actually stayed in Vegas. Now my three teenagers are watching the fallout from the interim generation’s lack of discretion. Not only are they disinterested in the party scene but they plan to have no online footprint until they need one professionally. They will be mysteries wrapped within riddles. 😉

    • Absolutely agree. If I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown in my quiet little life- no I’d not wish fame on anyone. No public eye. Just look at them all. So disturbing
      My hus told the therapist- he doesn’t understand me because if a friend does something “bad” you talk it over and forgive them.
      To my reply: if a friend slept with my husband, (and more than once) I’d say I love you- I forgive you but we aren’t friends. You’ll have to stay over there. Wherever there is.
      But I just can’t believe how he thinks and looks at his cheating with his ex. Each time it was with her. And he’s so sorry. He “knows what he’s done” and would never do that again

      By the way- I’d like to recommend all of you here to seek acupuncture. It has really cleared up some emotions and body pain. That’s only one visit. ❤️ I hope the best for us all

  • It’s likely that Bill Gates will always struggle with feeling/expressing emotions. His focus on keeping his too big house in order to host “experts” several time a week is probably the best he can do in the absence of real empathy or reciprocity. Melinda deserved better than his hurtful and disrespectful behavior.

      • I agree. It’s shocking how similar it can seem to narcissism. I still can’t tell which my ex is. Maybe both, who knows?

        • Not All People With Asperger’s Syndrome

          (or high-functioning autism, labels vary)

          are like this.

          Srsly!

        • Seriously, folks? There are autistic assholes out there (met some of them), autistic people with lots of empathy and/or strong morals (have met some of them too) and autistic people that just “score” average on both, so to speak (how to measure?). Just like neurotypical people. Just like every cohort of human beings. Why conflate matters in this regard? There are some autistic chumps out there. I don’t know much about narcissism (is it either in the DSM or the ICD?), but I know these people are usually the life of the party. Autistic people, not so much, to say the least. Maybe this could help to tell them apart, for those interested in such classifications. May I suggest ‘seemingly unredeemable assholes vs. the rest os us’? This criterion is more simple, applies more widely and doesn’t rely on diagnostics that are more safely left to specialists (and even they sometimes get confused).

        • I really, really wish people would stop using Asperger’s or autism spectrum as a synonym for narcissism, sociopathy, or any other anti-social behavior. Some people who are simply jerks will claim to be autistic to excuse their bad behavior. Most people with autism aren’t cruel, only oblivious, and genuinely sorry, even appalled, when made aware of it. Eventually they can improve with support and useful advice, and most will try to the extent that they can.

          If anything, people on the autism spectrum are much more likely to be the targets of narcissistic or sociopathic individuals because that same obliviousness to social cues and subtext makes them more vulnerable. So saying “that’s autistic” to mean “what an a-hole” may come across as mean-spirited.

          Autism/Asperger’s (still a diagnosis in the UK, but not in the US now) is not the same thing as narcissism, sociopathy, or any of the anti-social disorders. It’s not a disorder, it’s a disability that may be present along with other conditions, some good, others not so much. Everyone gets a different grab bag from the neurodiversity elves. Sir Anthony Hopkins got a prodigious memory, which was useful for an actor.

          If a person is on the autism spectrum *and* has one of the anti-social personality disorders (narcissism, etc.) they will not care about other people or want to work on their interpersonal skills at all. Whether such individuals are “worse” than they would have been without being on the spectrum would be a question for a psychiatrist or MPH with a philosophy degree. A few like that may become billionaires and pay for fawning profiles and/or sue critics into oblivion.

          https://kennethrobersonphd.com/narcissism-aspergers-one/

      • I am not relating BG’s cheating to possibly having Asperger’s. I mentioned it with reguard to his difficulty with feeling/expressing emotions. People with Asperger’s have more trouble with social skills

        • Agreed. I have several family members who are on the spectrum, who are lovely people. The part about him having difficulty expressing emotion is what jumped out at me. Not him being an asshole.

        • I’ve seen video of Gates obviously stimming. I don’t think there is any question that he is on the spectrum. That said, I am on the spectrum and was not the cheater in my marriage.

      • “Asperger’s” is not used anymore. It’s no longer an official diagnosis. Mostly because Dr. Asperger was part of Nazi eugenics programs.

        FYI, I am autistic (“high functioning” if you want to put it that way, though I have issues with labels of degree, since one can function well in one area and yet struggle terribly in another, whether or not it is something that other people can see) and I do not have “trouble” feeling emotions. The claim that autistic people don’t feel emotions is bullshit. We do. Often with more intensity than neurotypicals. We may express them slightly differently than neurotypical people do, but we do express them. My ex husband emotionally and verbally abused me because he didn’t think my emotional responses were intense enough for his liking. It was EXTREMELY damaging and hurtful to me to have my ability to feel emotions called into question. My son is also autistic, and is sweet as can be, and expresses his emotions just fine. We are very honest people and really can’t conceive of deceit. The fact that someone can smile at me and be nice to me and yet be stabbing me in the back is such an alien concept. I do know that that probably contributed to my abuse. I tend to take people at face value because I really can’t pretend to be nice to someone I dislike (I can be polite, but that is not the same thing). I really don’t trust anyone anymore because so many “friends” were nothing of the kind, in spite of the “expressing” their emotions in what is considered to be the “normal” way.

        We struggle with social interaction because neurotypical people have so many unspoken rules of conversation and behavior that make no sense to us because they often involve insincerity. We are called rude because we don’t fake niceness very well. We don’t talk circles around what we are really trying to say. We don’t have an issue correcting erroneous facts regardless of the “status” of the person who has made the error. Do y’all “express” emotions better, or are you better at putting on a show? I shouldn’t have to jump up and down and clap to show that I’m happy. I can smile quietly and my happiness is at least equal to yours. My ex cheated on me with a woman who expressed her emotions like a 2-year-old. Completely over the top (like the jumping up and down when happy, or stamping her feet when angry). I guess it was what he wanted, even though he knew what I was like before he married me. He said I wasn’t “bubbly” enough. I can’t stand “bubbly” people. They exhaust me.

        A lot of the social “awkwardness” of autistic adults is due to the fact that we were bullied, shamed, and shunned as children (and as adults) for being different. Both by other children and by adults. We talked too much. We didn’t talk enough. We used big words. We seemed arrogant (this is apparently what stating simple facts is seen to be by some neurotypicals). We have stims, or our tone of voice is a little flat, we don’t look you in the eye. We played with our toys differently (or in my case, didn’t really play much at all – I studied things; I knew that Latin name of every butterfly in my Simon and Schuster guide by the time I was 4). We know “too much” information about our special interests. For me, I also wasn’t “girly” enough (not interested in hair, makeup, nails, boys). So we avoid socials situations due to that trauma.

        Socialization is also hard because of sensory overload. If there is more than one conversation going on in a room or at a table, I have a lot of trouble focusing on the conversation I am actually a part of, because I can hear the other ones just as clearly, because I can’t filter sound very well. I also take a little longer to process things, so trying to keep up with a rapid conversation is difficult. I don’t always know when it’s my turn to speak, because of trouble reading “social cues”, and so sometimes interrupt or talk over people by accident. This is considered rude, as if I do it on purpose. I also can’t always tell if someone is interested in what I’m saying or if they’re bored. So I tend to keep quiet in a group. Neurotypical people seem to read things into what I say that aren’t there at all. I mean exactly what I say. But I guess they have a lot of subtext when they speak? So I’m always getting misinterpreted and then people get angry at me for things I didn’t even actually say, and certainly didn’t think. After awhile, every conversation becomes frightening because of how often these things happen. We apologize a lot. Sometime for just existing. We overexplain so that we aren’t misinterpreted (see: how long this post is). It’s all a trauma response.

        Please take care how you speak of autistic people. We are fully human and feel human emotions. Autistic doesn’t equal abuser. Autistic doesn’t equal cold and unfeeling. Most autistic adults weren’t diagnosed as children because the criteria were so different when we were kids that it wouldn’t have been recognized. My mother, thankfully, saw that I was different, and nurtured that, and defended me to other adults when she needed to. I have a lot less trauma than many autistic adults. I’m working hard to make sure my child doesn’t let others bully and shame him for the way that he is.

        Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

        • Thank you! I’m on the spectrum, too. (BTW, the UK still uses “Asperger’s” as a diagnosis and some other countries may do so as well.) The whole “high-functioning” labeling was started to try to get at least a modicum of basic human decency for us on the grounds that we could potentially be moneymakers, um, “productive members of society.” As if that’s the measure of anyone’s humanity.

          My FW used to complain that I had no friends while he had hundreds of them everywhere. So that made me “weird.” (I have a few good friends, but they didn’t like him or his crowd of moochers and trustafarians.) Yet when he went to jail after I divorced him, none of his so-called friends would take his call to get him a lawyer. He thought I did it because I was on his side. As if! All those years together and he never noticed that I did pro bono work for people in employment cases, including those who were rightly found guilty of gross misconduct. That’s how narcissists roll; they think the entire world revolves around them and other people only exist in relation to them.

          Bless you for supporting your child to be his authentic self. Possible thoughts for the future: I’ve noticed that Dutch people are relatively straightforward and blunt and at the same time courteous and civil. Going to college there or a study abroad program might be a pleasant environment for your child later in life. The best thing about being a foreigner is that people will be more willing to explain things and to give the benefits of the doubt for misunderstandings and cultural differences. One of the best analogies I’ve read for being on the spectrum is that it’s like living your entire life in a foreign country having a slight delay while you translate between languages. Good luck to you and your child

          • That is so helpful! I would have never thought of the idea of going to school in a foreign country as being helpful, but I can see how it would be. Thank you. (And, cats ARE better!)

        • This is great information! Thank you for sharing. Quite insightful and educational – from someone who actually KNOWS what is going on.

        • To I Saw the Light:
          Thank you so much for your TED talk. I love my 17-yr-old son so much and have been aware of some of what you wrote. But you have said it so well and laid it out so thoroughly. I especially appreciated all the examples. One of my greatest hopes is that my four children can learn what they need to to have healthy adult relationships in spite of their father’s betrayal. Your Post was one of the best things I have read on the internet to help me and my family. Thank you so much.

      • I’ve seen the Youtube claims that Gates’ fidgeting and gaucheness look like ASD but it doesn’t really add up. Be careful you don’t get your head ripped off by autism advocates for that one.

        You’l probably aooreciate this as a member of the meducal profession: I worked in environmental health for ten years and remember the moment when autistic self-advocates started rethinking their own trend of posthumously diagnosing dead celebs like Einstein, Mozart, Van Gogh and Michelangelo as Aspie based on the thinnest of pretexts. When this fashion opened the door to shill researchers speculating that Hitler, Ted Bundy and various historical fiends were spectrumy, the dx-in-absentia trend died down a bit.

        For the record, even if Mozart acted like a trypical rocker at times there was no way Mozart’s father could have dragged six year old Wolfgang around Europe in a covered wagon to play for the crown heads of Europe if he was ASD, nor could he have written the many socially observant letters he penned as an adult. Van Gogh was a brush-licker and his schizophrenic-like symptoms were likely mediated by ingesting lead, cadmium and mercury in oil paint. Michelangelo left behind history’s largest trove of written correspondence with friends and lovers of both genders in which he expressed keen social observations that pretty much rule out ASD. Einstein, like all the above, had celeb tantrums but otherwise, again, had lifelong friends and lovers and made keen social commentary, etc. And Hitler was a meth-head, thus the twitching.

        I read a really memorable essay by an adult self-advocate and researcher who wrote that dead-celeb hijacking by other self-advocates was a bit like how past lives afficionados were somehow always kings, great beauties, heroes and geniuses in past lives and never bums or mass murderers. She argues that a very small minority of Aspies even show savant abilities and, though she understood that celeb-hijacking was a reaction to the bullying that many on the spectrum experience– a kind of PR campaign to borrow glow through association– that didn’t make breaking the Goldberg rule (that it’s unethical to diagnose in absentia) justified. It also creates a dangerous public perception that A) the vast majority on the spectrum (40% nonverbal, 20% more barely verbal and 85% unable to ever live independantly) aren’t severely disabled and don’t need aid, protection and funding; and B) that every asshole can claim ASD as an alibi which increases the public association between ASD and assholery.

        She argued that the latter is actually deadly since the GAO reported in 2014 that hundreds of affected individuals are killed every year in schools and institutions by punitive restraint and seclusion practices merely for disruptive behavior and the public can’t be made to care– likely to the extent that the public has been trained to link ASD with dickishness.

        Anyway, when narcy cheater-pants Jerry Seinfeld tried to use “mild ASD” as an alibi for typical entitled celeb behavior, the advocacy world tore him a new one and he recanted. And no one on the spectrum wants to be associated with Gates, blech.

      • I’m pretty sure he is, yes. And go ahead and tell yourself that Ms. French knew and was a-okay with what you were getting up to, Billy-boy. Her facial expressions and body language, though they remain dignified, convey barely-contained rage.

      • My almost-adult son is extremely smart and possibly on the spectrum. He has genuine emotions but just does not always get the nuances. So out of concern for me, he tells me to step wearing makeup because the time for me to look pretty is over. He means it to help me save time—no need to fix all that work mom.

        However, he gets the big things. He gets that an affair is wrong and hurtful.

      • Maybe. Or just the spectrum of stupidity!🤣🤣🤣 I never liked Bill Gates. I started out as a PC person, then migrated to Apple. Steve Jobs wasn’t perfect by any means, but I don’t know of him cheating on his wife. Just being an asshole to his employees. He may actually have grown out of this, but I’m not 100% sure. And he seems to have had a real vision of how things should work computer-wise/tech-wise, instead of Gate’s pathetic attempts at vision and nasty business moves. Sorry, just the ventings of an Apple fanboy. I’m so impressed with his XW Melinda. She’s so out of his league, and obviously always was.

    • Oh, he’ll remarry soon. To a much younger trophy wife, and I’ll bet they’ll have kids. Wait and see.

      • If his sperm have aged anything like he has, I doubt it unless he had some swimmers frozen in his youth.

        Case in point, Helen Mirren is ten years older than Gates and Chita Rivera is more than twenty years older than Gates. Look at pictures of them at the same age as Gates. Does he do club drugs or abuse psychoactives?

      • I hope he doesn’t. I don’t think that would be fair to the kids. FW and I were both 40 when we had my awesome s15. I worried about him loosing one or both of us in his 30s. Then when he was 10 I was diagnosed with an aggressive lymphoma and for a couple of months it didn’t look good. Now I think about how bad it would have been for him to go on without a dad from the age of ten. I know we never know what tomorrow brings but the odds of a 67 year old making it to his child’s 30th birthday are slim.

        • Happy recovery, from one lymphoma survivor to another! Am glad you seem to have made it through.

          • Thank you. Right back at you! Who would know that would be the easiest thing I would have to deal with in the last 4 years. Better days ahead for us!

        • I’m so glad you pulled through despite the compounded stress and lack of support.

          By the way, if 40-something were too old to have kids, I wouldn’t be here. I was a “happy accident.”

          I should have qualified my cracks about Gates. I participated in research on Gates’ toxic ventures. There had been a fair bit of previous coverage of it but the journalists would sometimes find themselves out of work or sent to Timbuktu so continued coverage was left to more obscure sources. https://www.latimes.com/news/la-na-gatesx07jan07-story.html

          We would joke that Gates looked walking Karma– like he was breathing his own oil plumes, etc. Out of context (a publication dealing with toxic health impact) this could easily be taken as a diss to people with health problems. It isn’t. It’s punching up at someone who’s contributed to other people’s health problems then shrouds himself in health philanthropy (which won’t, unfortunately, bring past victims back from the dead).

          I should always explain the source of my ire. It runs a bit deeper than my snarky quip.

          • Thanks HOC. 40s arent too old, Glad your here, but I think 67 is. I share an office with a 67 year old Dr whose wife had their second baby a month ago and even with help he is tired al the time.
            Thanks for your research

    • This article was clearly the add to let all the young prospects know there was a vacancy in his very big house. She has to be good at writing cue cards and remembering names.

    • Yep, and of course she will be a very mature 25ish year old and he of course remains a youngish old fart; so they will mesh beautifully.

      • And maybe she can dig around for jewels of bimbos gone by that got caught in the recesses of his dewlaps, neck wrinkles, toe jam and belly flaps. It will be like raising the lost fleet of the Spanish Armada! There might be some doubloons in the wreckage.

    • Whoops, I hadn’t read your comment when I made mine. Agreed! And he’ll insist on a prenup.

  • “But from my point of view it was a great marriage. I wouldn’t have changed it.”
    He wouldn’t have changed the part where he cheated on her?
    Of course it was great. 27 years of cake!

    • It is why so many of these cheating assholes want to go back to the marriage they had “reconciliation”. Of course it was great for them. Lovely trusting wife appliance and all the strange they can find.

    • Yes, that struck me too. So he’d marry her and cheat on her all over again? That’s really, really weird.

      I married in good faith that I was getting a lifetime commitment: “I’ll never leave you or forsake you,” “Leave and cleave,” and “Forsaking all others.”

      My ex’s version was different, and the marriage ended. So did Melinda’s.

      • It’s not weird. You are projecting your values onto him, and assuming that (because you would) he feels some regret, or shame, or embarrassment, at having betrayed his vows and cheated on his wife. AFAIK there’s no evidence that he feels that way. And if he thinks he didn’t do anything wrong, why would he want to change anything? It’s all self-consistent.

    • He’s acting like the cheating never happened. I originally thought this interview was for him to control the narrative with everyone that hasn’t already sought out Melinda’s side of the story or only knows a few vague details, but it’s Vanity Fair so no. I’d think Vanity Fair readers have already read/seen her side.

      I just “ctrl-f”‘d the article (can’t bear to read more of this crap). The fact that there’s not a single thing about cheating, infidelity, etc makes me think VF had to agree not to ask about it to get an interview with him.

      What a pathetic coward.

  • Mine sadly went through this transition called divorce.

    I don’t know why Melinda chose the “D” transition. I don’t understand her hostility in regards to transitioning my dick in various places outside the marriage.

  • So much word salad… dude, say something coherent.

    I can’t even with these FWs and their inability to just say something with commitment. There always has to be a flourish of flowery nebulous sentences making you wonder wtf they are trying to say. And while you sit in confusion, they just sit there nodding sagely. I just can’t.

    • I know, so much vagueness it just makes you crazy! I wonder if they are clueless, are trying to hide how shallow (and dumb) they really are or they don’t care enough to insert the specifics. Probably a combination of all of those. You want to shake them and yell in their faces “SAY SOMETHING MEANINGFUL!”.

      I wonder how those dinner conversations will go…

      • These guys aren’t clueless. Bill is a smart person. He just knows that if he said what really happened he would be vilified. But if he is vague and doesn’t admit to details, people will doubt reality and maybe forget and eventually buy into his imagine management scheme of trying to look like a good person. It is purposeful gaslighting on a massive scale. It is both terrifying and really sad. I can’t imagine the stress of living my life to put up a front, while living a completely different reality. I think it broke my ex, but that’s a different story.

      • Well if the only guests who show up are Joe Rohan and Ester Perlman that dinner party will be a complete flop. Of course those three will sit around and talk about themselves and think they are having a great conversation. It is going to suck because a cheater will be there.

    • This is my XH to a “T.” Also an aging white tech millionaire narcissist with BPD (diagnosed). Sickening. These “brilliant” types should come with a warning tattooed on their foreheads so we could know when we meet them in our youth to avoid at all costs. They are such manipulative con artists. Utterly effective.

  • This read like bad fiction. Or words from an adolescent: “We have a, you know, super important, complex, close relationship where we’ve chosen to work together.”
    Such a lack of self-awareness and empathy: Melinda also said she is still grieving their relationship and Bill said he feels that way as well. “I’m also grieving the same way she is. Yes,” he confirmed.
    And he misses her because, what, she’s not there to listen to him brag when he comes home? And since she’s gone he’s going to fill the vacuum, with smart guests at dinner?
    But they still have that super important close relationship. Too bad he didn’t consider their marriage super important. At lease he recognizes that Melinda graduated. Although he probably meant it as a euphemism for dumping his cheating pettiness, I like this definition of graduate: to pass from one stage of experience, proficiency, or prestige to a usually higher one. And I agree with walkbymyself: How idiotic to say that he wouldn’t have changed his “great marriage” to eliminate his infidelity. He was right again when he said “I am only a small-sized person.” Shallow, too.

    • I think some cheaters use phrases like “our relationship is so complicated” as part of their grandiosity. It is as if they have some next level insight into the human condition, and have risen above the tribulations of the inferior masses. Best to remind them of their mediocrity by being the dullest, most unresponsive ex on earth. Meh.

  • In my opinion, a 10 year age gap in a relationship is a red flag. Yes, it can be just fine, but there’s a built-in imbalance of power. And of course Bill already had way more power as the CEO of a FortuneWhatever (too lazy to look up) company. And what’s with him describing himself as a “young” 38 year old? What does that even mean? He was still basically middle-aged (no shade-I’m over 40). It just makes him seem disingenuous and like he’s trying to blame shift. I guess Melinda can be grateful he’s not taking her to court for defamation. SMH

    • I wonder how old his fuck buddies were, and whether he feels the need to explain that age difference away, too.

      • He went to Jeffrey Epstein’ s island. The victims of sex trafficking were as young as 12. Literally horrifying.

    • I don’t know. I think 27/38 is not really a huge deal. 20/31 more so. She was well educated and past her early 20s.

      The older you get the less those ten years matter. But when it crawls past the ten years, yeah.

      I am not just talking about my ten years older H, most of the women I have known and still know personally who were chumped married men 5 to 10 years older; and they are still going strong.

      But the power part I do agree with. Except in her case she was well educated, so that brought up her power level.

      I think it is just as simple as she got chumped by a cheater. He needed a quality wife appliance and she filled the bill. She likely thought she was getting into a real love relationship.

      • I agree. As a 32 year old woman currently dating a 28 year old man I don’t think the age difference is enough to matter. I may have more relationship experience than my boyfriend, but he doesn’t think that is a bad thing. And he has completed his education and launched his career, so I don’t feel like I’m robbing the cradle, the way I would if he were 10 years younger. An 18 or 19 year old may legally be old enough to consent but I still can’t think of them as anything but kids. Let them experience full adulthood for a couple of years and figure out who they are first.

        He Who Must Not Be Named, on the other hand, worked as a community college tutor in order to gain access to nubile 18-20 year old APs. No question of any of them being underage, but still shady as hell to boink your students. And by taking their online exams for them in exchange for $, he gained power over them. I probably should have reported him to his boss, but I didn’t think I would be believed and at that point I just wanted out of the shitstorm.

        I am NC with my ex, but if he ever tried to justify his actions by saying, “Well, you have a younger man…” I’d just shake my head in disbelief. And as a physics tutor he certainly doesn’t need me to explain how 28 goes into 32 more times than 31 goes into 20, LOL.

    • He didn’t even word it cleverly, he clearly meant she was a mature 28-year old as opposed to his IMMATURE 38-year old ass

    • It’s Peter Pan syndrome. You’re right that it’s a red flag. There are relationships with a ten year age gap (where both people are full on adults when it starts) that are healthy. But those people usually don’t say insane, gross shit like “I was a very immature old man and she was a mature younger woman so it works.” Because that’s some predator shit. Nothing tips me off faster than the whole, “I have to date much younger people because I’m so immature” or young at heart or however the fuck they say it, they’re saying they are irresponsible and refuse to take accountability for their actions.

      People think Peter Pan syndrome is just men who refuse to grow up and live in their mother’s basement but they can have successful careers too. My ex does pretty well at work but he also keeps a journal where he writes letters to Peter Pan and thinks it’s cute and special that he acts like a child by avoiding responsibility. He will always date very young women now that I’m out of the way. So will Bill Gates. And both of them will fuck children any chance they get. Because they’re “basically” children too in their own minds so they give themselves permission to rape children.

      He sounds exactly like my ex. I already thought he was a pedophile based on the Epstein shit. But hearing this… he sounds exactly like my ex. How was he immature when he met Melinda? He had a very successful company. He is not a playful or adventurous person. Enough of him is known to know that. So, all he could mean is that he avoids responsibility and refuses to take accountability for his actions. What else could it be that could make him see himself as child like? Oh, right, fucking children. That’s probably what makes him immature in his mind.

      • I should have been saying that’s what makes him young in his mind and what makes him see himself as young but immature just came out. LOL

    • I can attest to that. 9 year age gap here, and it should have been a red flag. Definite power imbalance. I was coming in at 20 years old and he had been married before. So I was led to defer to his “experience” as to how a marriage worked. The charade went on for 20 freaking years, and now I’m 40 and starting over. (Which makes him 50 and starting over. Dumbass.) Large age gap is a bad idea. Zero stars. Do not recommend.

      • Funny you say that. Stbx is only 4 yrs older than me but he had been married and had kids before and i was a 21 yr old virgin. I was stupid and trusted him and just thought all he needed was my love to make things better for him. BIG mistake. 32 yrs wasted on that selfish pos. I do feel that had I not been so naive that I wouldn’t have committed to staying with this man child. My parents were very good to each other gave and loved and are still going strong after 56 yrs. I ignored red flags in the manchild.

      • Samsies only I was a struggling poor young student who had left an abusive household and he was a worldly, well travelled cultured man. A decade age gap in young adulthood is a definite power imbalance. I do think he gets off on ‘helping’ those around him that know less than him.

    • Every cradle robber describes their much younger conquest as “mature.” Because he’d since robbed cradles with much bigger age gaps it seems a bit odd for him to bring attention to it. 10 years is bordering on significant but isn’t 20, 30 years after all. But Gates notoriously reads (or has summarized) public comment sections about himself to “take the pulse” and the age gap between him and Melinda has been discussed a lot, particularly on feminist forums, to stress that he took advantage of her from the get-go, that he prefers the power imbalance, etc. As an obsessive image micro-manager whose political platform is playing lefty groovy egalitarian (“feminist,” anti-racist, champion of the poor and widdle chiwdwen, yada yada) social justice warrior to cover the stench of his oil, chemical and mining investments and neoliberal robbing of public resources, he lets no negative buzz go, no matter how obscure the source.

      He protests too much as a rule. When he was speculatively economically tied to a sketchy but increasingly powerful atheist corporate front group/cult that blew up in a massive rape scandal for instance, he immediately had the column he sponsored in The Guardian publish an article with the title, “Gates does God’s Work” to distance himself. It made it clear that he’s very hands-on in batting down the merest hint of image threat.

    • I read a book by a clinical psychologist in which she says NPD can result from physical or emotional absence of the primary caretaker in childhood, arresting the narc’s emotional development at the age at which the primary caretaker stopped taking care of him/her. My XH was dumped in this country to live with relatives at 14, along with his 20 year old brother, who was forced into a caretaking role WAY too young. So my ex has an emotional age of 14, regardless of what his chronological age is. Meanwhile my current boyfriend is 28, already owns his own house (albeit in the middle of nowhere), and has a far more successful career than Nitwit (31) ever has.

      So I actually believe Bill when he says Melinda was more mature than he is, despite the chronological age difference. It’s just not the compliment to himself that he thinks it is.

      • He’ll take “boyish” over “age-regressed” any day. If ever there was a global-level expression of image management, its name is Bill Gates. Second to streaming porn, he owns the media. Excerpt from Columbia Journalism Review:https://www.cjr.org/criticism/gates-foundation-journalism-funding.php

        “nearly twenty thousand charitable grants the Gates Foundation had made through the end of June and found more than $250 million going toward journalism. Recipients included news operations like the BBC, NBC, Al Jazeera, ProPublica, National Journal, The Guardian, Univision, Medium, the Financial Times, The Atlantic, the Texas Tribune, Gannett, Washington Monthly, Le Monde, and the Center for Investigative Reporting; charitable organizations affiliated with news outlets, like BBC Media Action and the New York Times’ Neediest Cases Fund; media companies such as Participant, whose documentary Waiting for “Superman” supports Gates’s agenda on charter schools; journalistic organizations such as the Pulitzer Center on Crisis Reporting, the National Press Foundation, and the International Center for Journalists; and a variety of other groups creating news content or working on journalism, such as the Leo Burnett Company, an ad agency that Gates commissioned to create a “news site” to promote the success of aid groups. In some cases, recipients say they distributed part of the funding as subgrants to other journalistic organizations—which makes it difficult to see the full picture of Gates’s funding into the fourth estate…”

  • I know what he thought. This is working for me, and everything will stay the same. Melinda probably did like so many of us, hoping that it would change if she hung in there long enough. Then she hit the breaking point and threw off the denial. She’s apparently doing much better than he is because of that.

    Yes, been there. I can imagine my ex is still thinking years later, “How did this happen?” Our adult kids want nothing to do with him, and he can’t figure out why. In separation, he alternately blamed me and them for their standoffish attitude. I worked very hard to own my failures with them and stayed in their lives. He did not.

    Ah, Bill. You’re still clueless.

  • Magma cum laude in Cheating! Bahaha! “I was a young 38 yr old & she was a mature 28 year old”. Only in his mind did he look young. I thought he looked old like forever. But then I think he’s confusing the word young with immature.
    Just another example of men & toxic masculinity (being emotionally repressed & it fucks them up) & oh, the entitlement of the patriarchy thrown in there for good measure. I’m relieved for Melinda to dump the Wife-Mommy! And I cheer her on forging her own legacy!

    • *to dump the Wife-Mommy role.
      My wish is there would be an edit feature here 🤪

    • My XH, a less-wealthy clone of BG, also looks older than his years and weirdly “nerdy” but bragged to me about how all his tech-millionaire/billionaire VC “friends” (also a bunch of G-wagon/Lamborghini driving, adhd snorting, narcissist pigs) said how he looked like he was in his 20s! He’s in his 50s! Please! I was like, “have you seen anyone in their 20s lately?”

      Absurd!

      • They are so pathetic. My ex actually said it’s embarrassing to be seen with me because he looks like “a little boy in high school” and people think I’m his mom. He’s 40. He doesn’t look like a teenager. And I remember thinking what grown man would even want to describe himself as looking like a little boy? Ugh… I was so clueless.

        • Ex would point out the shirtless male models on the huge posters in Abercrombies and Hollister and say his body looks just as good as male models. Ex at the time was slim, worked out, but he was over 50 years old, has a short waist and a flat behind. You can’t compare an over 50 year old mans body to a naturally muscular 20 year old who is barely an adult.
          In cheaters mind he looks like an Abercrombie male model.. and deserved the 20 year old female version. .

      • FW’s promotion attracted an office harem that would tell him the same crap… as he paid their massive bar tabs.

        My lawyer had me tally all bar tabs as “dissipation of family assets.” FW didn’t own the firm and was never expected to ply underlings (they weren’t even his personal underlings), therefore the kids and I should not have had to pay for his brown-nosers’ suckuppery.

    • After all, you can only marry one person at a time, but everyone else is free for grabs!! /sarcasm

  • Funny, I was watching The Daily Show with Trevor Noah the other night and, surprise! Guest was Bill Gates. Defensive body language (arms crossed, sort of hunched in) and not very articulate (IMHO). Talking pandemic and his new book. I bailed partway in. What a creep. He seemed more like a conspiracy theorist than an educated man of letters to me, now that I know he is morally bankrupt.

    Also swirling in the news airwaves was a brouhaha over Kim Kardashian wearing the Marilyn Monroe “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” Jean Louis dress. Textile conservationists “aghast”. I was wondering why the dress was not in the collection of the Smithsonian? Maybe it’s because Mrs. John F. Kennedy is a Smithsonian benefactor?

    I think about a lot of things differently now since my initiation into the infidelity club.

    • VH
      “I think about a lot of things differently now since my initiation into the infidelity club”
      Things and people, so true.
      I told a fellow Chump the other day that the experience has robbed me of my love for life. I don’t look at anything the same way. As a surgeon I have seen and had to treat some very horrible things people have done to each other. This didn’t jade me to mankind, I just felt those people were outliers. I still believed most people were good. Once you are betrayed by someone who was closest to you, someone you shared everything with and trusted with your life it brings you to the conclusion that everyone is capable of very bad things. The innocence is lost forever. The betrayal burns into your brain the fact that in a minute the life you knew, the memories and experiences that were yours are torn from you and you don’t know what was real. This is a burden that Chumps carry.

      • Dr. Chump,
        I went through a phase of feeling like that, too. But this week marks my parents’ 60th wedding anniversary. There are good people out there who stay committed to each other, to the children they made, to their families of origin, and to the greater community.
        My thoughts have grown to be more realistic. Yes, humans can be awful to one another for all the wrong reasons. But not all of them. I now look for the good, it is out there. But I’m much more realistic about the preciousness of life and love and, although I trust, I keep an eye open to all possibilities from everyone in my life. While ignorance is bliss, there is something more empowering about my more nuanced understanding.
        I’m you’ve seen terrible things in your work and, if you are, have experienced a terrible betrayal of the worst order. But it’s a big world of all kinds of human animals. Try to be open but above all, be gentle with yourself.

      • Exactly. I don’t have one single memory I can look back at without wondering what was really going on that I missed, misunderstood, or overlooked. My entire personal history has been lost.

        • DrChump and Whitecoatburnout I feel exactly the same. I don’t know what was real and what wasn’t, going all the way back to day 1. It will be very hard to trust anyone going forward.

          • Agree with you all! I, too, don’t know what was real in any part of my life and it is so difficult to trust moving forward. It def causes the death of innocence, even when it happened at 63 years!

      • My thought was, I really thought I knew him….I obviously did not. Together since 18, married at 23, divorced at 62.

        • Sandy feet,
          22 years together and I also divorced at 62. It has felt fo bizarre to be single . The kids are grown so a lot of quit alone times. We had started out with so little , just each other . But now I look back and question so many events, some I questioned at the time, shrugged them off. Now he sports a ow 25 years younger . But I doubt he stopped prowling .

      • DrChump, I just shared that same thought with my therapist the other day. The innocence I had is gone forever. There was an engagement picture where I was looking at X with so much love and trust. Now I know it was just a game for him so he could complete his two degrees with my support. I miss the person that I was in terms of how I looked at life. Now I stand back and question everything.

  • My ex also gave me that “I’m grieving over the end of our marriage, too.” In fact, he turned it into a sad sausage appeal for me to empathize with him (and presumably comfort him), saying “The only person who can understand what it feels like to end a 35 year marriage is you.” As if we’re going to commiserate together. Sheesh.

  • As far as I can remember I don’t think he is that highly educated. Not saying he isn’t smart; but he dropped out of Harvard, never finished his formal education.

    He strikes me as someone who never matured beyond his 20s. Very common for cheaters.

    I think the same of my ex fw, never really matured emotionally beyond his teenage years. He only did the bookwork required for his job, and I wrote all his study guides for that.

    I don’t know why I fooled myself into thinking he was maturing, he wasn’t he was only honing his con skills.

    For a while I even thought that if I had been less trusting and caught him earlier, he might have had a chance to grow up. Nah; he never wanted anything except what he wanted and that is full on teenage thinking.

    • Yep Susie. Immaturity. I used to blame so many of my ex’s red flags on his “immaturity” when we were dating (we were in our 20’s) Thinking, oh, he didn’t know, he’s sorry now, he just needs a gentle nudge to grow up. His immaturity is on full display now as a mid-30’s dude that wants as little responsibility as possible. So relieved I’m done babysitting a man child and getting tied into knots appeasing his petulant whims.

      • What I learned is that they can (and do) stay in a state of immaturity to their very last breath.

        • I agree! We were too young when we begin a serious relationship. However, I feel I grew, changed and matured as the years ticked. Him? Pretty much the same psychopathic behaviors as he always displayed but I didn’t have the experience or knowledge about disorders to recognize it. I peg his maturity age betweeen 14-16 where he’s closer to 60. He survives by mimicking others.

  • Without the billions, he sounds way too similar to the narcissist I was married to for almost 30 years, down to the “why can’t we be friends” to “it was a good marriage” and “I’m suffering too”. Thank goodness that I don’t have to work with him or see him EVER. Two years completely no contact this month. Yay for ME. I wish that for Melinda, too.

  • This just proves that all cheaters are alike and they use the same playbook. Demographics and income do not matter at all. It is just all the same cheater narrative. You would think that one of them could come up with something new. Well like many of us here, Melinda had her 27 years of being a good wife appliance. Bill, well he is just a sad sausage who wants to be friends and have his cake continue.
    Melinda, go forth and live your best life free from a cheater. Remember, he does not really want to be friends, he only wants you to serve him more wonderful cake.

  • Bullseye with this one: “When he looks back over a 27 year marriage, this is what he remembers. Telling you about himself.”

    It’s all me, me, me and missing his wife appliance.

    • That hit close to home for me. We had a friend come over during our divorce because I was saying he was talking about killing me and ex husband was saying we were just going through a hard time and he was really concerned about me. Friend was on the couch and ex husband couldn’t see him when he came into the kitchen through the garage. Ex husband started chattering at me about his day and got angry when I didn’t laugh at his stories and jokes, like nothing had happened. I was just sitting on the kitchen table, staring into space. This is during the period when I lost 30 pounds in three weeks. Don’t I want to hear about his funny story from work? What’s my problem?! He starts getting mocking and jeering and approaching me, and that’s when he sees friend sitting on the couch, gaping at him in shock.

      So ex-husband’s face immediately falls, he sags his shoulders, “Oh, um, you probably heard we’re going through a hard time, oh, um, you know, it’s all really sad.” Then he takes off upstairs to go take a shower. And friend is “Oh, so he’s a psychopath, that’s what’s going on.”

      He could say and do anything he wanted to me but I was still supposed to listen to him talk about himself and make appropriate oohs and aahs. Really puts the marriage into perspective.

      • I’m so glad your friend witnessed this incident, saw your ex for what he was, and supported you.

  • Mr. Sparkles couldn’t understand when I shifted my behavior to No Contact. In his 20s, he had twin boys with a nice woman he didn’t marry because he met another nice woman whom he married and had two children with but then divorced. He remained “friends” with both of them (and I came to learn after my discard that he remained “friends with benefits” as well… ewww). No wonder he was aghast when I hired a lawyer, had him served, and stopped pick me dancing and went grey rock/no contact. 8 years out, I’m way beyond “graduation” and happily in Meh. He still doesn’t “get it”… in his mind, I’m just bitter. Whatever, nothing is his mind was ever real or true anyway. #narcissism

  • I’m just happy that I don’t have to read/hear/see the x out there in the world deflecting blame and attempting to come off a a poor sad sack who “wouldn’t choose to marry someone else”🤮 and has the fucking cheek to declare that he’s “also grieving the same way”🤬.
    I feel for Melinda.

  • I can see why he would need cue cards, I was breaking my brain trying to figure out was he was even waffling about.

    “And so, yes, you’re very used to going home and saying, ‘Oh, I did this well,’ or, ‘Oh, I did this poorly,’ or, ‘Oh, I called this person the wrong name.’”

    Who describes marriage like this???

  • photo album: bill gates through the ages

    the boy with the nervous grin and a number plaque;
    arraigned in Albuquerque
    he isn’t me;
    with the young turks in wide lapels, ready to burst
    with computer code, no;
    two pages on he’s nestled in a pile of PCs
    allen’s showing off his facial hair…
    1981 bill is black-and-white
    cut and paste

    a baggy business suit and tie
    Xs and Os encircle his neck, awkward
    only the girls at the front desk
    maybe remember me,
    or at least look twice
    but windows 95
    launches me
    cut and paste

    melinda leans in while i watch, disconnected;
    TB patients clutch bloody tissues at a clinic in south africa
    he also isn’t me;
    charity is my new business suit
    return
    return
    return

    i dress carefully for the press conference, mauve
    is soft and relatable; the release
    reads: “bill gates admits that fundraising meetings held with late-billionaire
    and paedophile jeffrey epstein were a huge mistake.”
    i cannot delete

    my marriage drops into new code, indecipherable
    there’s me, at night, alone in my cavernous house; no one
    is left who knows me anymore
    there are no more dinner guests;
    these halls are lined with cables, connectors,
    and adaptors
    but i remain, unemotional–
    maybe somewhere deep inside i am.
    wait a minute, what’s your name?
    cut and paste

  • And this bothers me about “graduating.” It’s literally what he described his children doing. How quaint, she’s moving on, (pat, pat, pat). Off to have an adventure! and leave me here alone in this big empty house. Like her autonomy is a adorable life stage. And he’s the bemused parent.

    • The patriarchs are baffled when an underling mobilizes their autonomy and doesn’t go along with their great plans.

      My cheater had been told by other men what fabulous relationships they had with their XWs.
      I’ve said it before…
      I was a really good wife.
      I would NOT have been a very “good” (compliant, cooperative, pleasant) XW

      • Same here.

        I have no doubt I was a good wife, supportive to the point that I put him above me way too much. He was at the peak of his life and in the second highest position at his job, in large part due to my work in the community and politics.

        Within a few months after he left me (before the D was final) he had been demoted, back out on street patrol and lost his close relationship with the mayor, which was built on his “family man” image.

        before ten years was up, he had lost everything he had to gambling debts, and he and the whore were living in a one bedroom apartment that was attached to my sons house. All the while bitching and complaining about everyone else. Per my son and daughter in law he had already been cheating on whore, and she “left” him. That didn’t last long as she was not going to let go of the meal ticket. She was still better off than living in the trailer park and paying all her own bills.

        Had we not shared a son, other than his demotion and fall from grace on the job; (which was in the paper) I may have never known how far he had fallen.

        It still kind of befuddles and surprises me that he went on to be so stupid.

    • Yeah, that bothered me. My son told me that his father and my former friends had asked about me and he said I was doing well and had gone back to college. I think he told them that to show that I’m doing well, don’t need them, and they turned it into this whole patronizing, “isn’t that cute” kind of bullshit. Then they started just making up stories about how I chose my major because of them and they had told me do that. And they were all so glad I was FINALLY taking their advice. So they’re sitting at a family party saying, “We’ve all been telling her for years and years to become an accountant so it’s so great that she’s finally taking our advice and doing something about it. It’s about time.” and patting themselves on the back for helping Katie finally get her life together.

      My son called me and told me and said, “Fuck those people. Don’t ever let them back into your life.” He knows it’s a complete lie because I was so sick that I couldn’t do basic math in my head for years and years. If they were telling me to become an accountant during that time, they would have been being cruel. I didn’t have the ability to go back to school. That’s why I did warehouse work. But I guess it’s just ever so much fun to rewrite history for them.

      • KatiePig,

        I always do a search for your comments on every new post of Chump Lady’s. I’m sorry about your asshole ex and don’t want to make your story about me but for what it’s worth, your mightiness has been a road map for me during my own healing process. You see through the ex’s BS so clearly, and your boundaries and indignation – to say nothing of how you’ve rebuilt – have made me feel validated, saner, and confident about life on the other side.

        Again, I don’t want to make your pain about me, but I do appreciate everything you share with this community. You’re so mighty and an inspiration.

        -Cam

        • Oh wow, thank you. I really appreciate that. I feel like I’ve been a mess and have made so many mistakes for so many years. I’m so glad I’ve been able to help you. A big part of why I talk about it all is because I figure if I can help even one person get through it a little easier or see it a little sooner than I did, it’s worth it. Thank you so much for letting me know I’ve helped. That means a lot and I’m sure you’re kicking butt too. I’ve been constantly impressed by so many people here. We didn’t get targeted by these jerks because we were weak, we got targeted because we are awesome. That’s what made us so useful. Remember that.

      • Also, aren’t enablers MADDENING? They’re just as shitty, abusive, and divorced from reality as the cheater.

    • … so annoying and typical from this type of patronizing narc. Complete role reversal since she was his mommy for 27 years, working so hard to make him appear as a fully grown human. Glad she finally threw in the towel. Nothing to work with here.

  • My jaw dropped while reading an excerpt of the article. My thought was he’s bitter about losing his appliance esp when he added he was grieving like she was. It sounded childish.
    He’s letting everyone know there’s an opening to fill in his home. Disgusting and adding some money cost too much.

    • That bothers me too. Grief is for losses that happen TO you. You can’t grieve a loss you deliberately caused yourself. You might miss it, and even regret causing it, but you’re not grieving it. And the only thing cheaters regret is being caught.

  • Hard to imagine a better divorce settlement where you get $50 million in your ex leaves the planet.

  • “You know, I wouldn’t choose to marry someone else.”
    Probably because he regrets marrying her in the first place! now that he has to pay her (a well-deserved) divorce settlement. Innocent statements from cheaters are never benign, you must always frame things from their point of view.

  • This is triggering on so many levels. It reminds me of my dad, the ultimate deflector. Don’t really answer the question, be calm and dance around the issue, appear to be introspective (without taking responsibility, of course). And then, if the cheated-on partner dares to speak up about the truth of it, they will appear bitter and angry. It’s so much easier for everyone to go along with the ‘reasonable’ partner who supposedly is working to bring resolution to something that just ‘happened’ (and it ‘happens’ all the time, so that makes it okay: “Can’t we all just be happy? Can’t we all just move on? Can’t we all be friends?”

    I used to think of gaslighting as literal and intentional and obvious, when it’s so much more subversive than that.

  • Both gates can get bent. Pedo Island gates and the accomplice. Divorce with a handy cheater excuse was a mechanism to divert and repress evidence with these reprobates. There are real victims of narc socio psychopaths. These two don’t qualify.

    • Loch, do you mean you think Melinda divorced him to divert attention from his Epstein connection? I tend to doubt that since people weren’t paying much attention to it. More like she realized what a sicko he is because he was hanging out with that pedo. I have to wonder if that was an even bigger motive to divorce him than his cheating, but she signed an NDA in order to get a quick and favorable settlement.

      • I’m saying it’s a good cover. Better a cheater than a pedo especially since it was in the middle of covid and he was positioning himself as some kind of expert.
        You don’t have a decades long relationship with Epstein and your wife not know about it.

        • How many of us here spent years, even decades, with partners who hid double lives from us? CN is rife with stories of chumps who discover spouses are hiding girlfriends, boyfriends, orgies, escorts, money, tax fraud, business fraud, all sorts of fraud. We’ve had quite a few stories here too from desperate chumps who’ve just discovered their spouse is a sexual predator.

          The common refrain at Chump Nation is that infidelity is one form of abuse that rarely operates in a silo. Once you uncover cheating, there’s almost always other abuse going on – sometimes of other people beyond the chump.

          I don’t know Melinda Gates or what she knew and when, but I’m not fond of blaming victims saying “they should’ve known.” By that logic, we all should’ve known. Most of us had no clue until D-Day.

    • I don’t know Melinda Gates, nor Bill Gates. I don’t know if she is a good person or not. She may have been through hell, and you may not know it. If you are able to shine the light on evil, you should do it. Many victims find this a tough ask though as they have already suffered to breaking point and beyond. If you have evidence then go to the police, and some people go to the police but there is not enough evidence to satisfy them. I’m not into victim blaming, and I do not know what happened in this case, but if it is at all possible people who have committed crimes should be charged, no matter how much money they have.

  • I like to say that picturing somebody sitting on the toilet, taking a shit, is the Great Equalizer. Everybody does it regardless of race, creed, color, economic status or how many letters they have behind their name.

    Sadly, it works pretty much the same way with cheaters… they all receive a copy of The Cheater’s Handbook and liberally use it to master the fine arts of rug sweeping, blame shifting, deflecting, rewriting history, image management and turd polishing.

  • Bill Gates proves that knowledge and wisdom are two different things. That chronological age is different from maturity. That all the money in the world can be a handicap as it often insulates individuals from the situations, incidents, and experiences that inspire people to seek help rebuilding their emotional engines and changing behavior.

    The boyfriend I had when I was a senior in high school was awful to me. Laid the lovebombing on thick. After I was securely hooked, the TLC began….Thief Liar Cheater. I was seventeen and he was twenty-three, with a collection of street rods and a mountain lion for a pet. Of course at that age I was dazzled and clung on way too long. The last time I saw him, he made a cameo appearance at my graduation party and then bailed.

    Fast forward eight years. He sent a letter to my parents’ house, asking me out. He missed me and was thinking about All The Good Times We Had! I wondered who the hell he was talking about. Oh, and he was going through a divorce. (Surprise.)

    My therapist helped me draft a reply telling him to never contact me ever again. I think it took three drafts to write something brief with no swear words.

    He violated that request three years later after he saw me on Oprah. That time I ignored him.

    Traitor X replied to an email the other day with A SMILEY FACE EMOJI. Our daughter is taking care of his kitty while he is away and she forgot the gate code. I called him to ask for the gate code and he did not respond until the next day, by e-mail. I don’t answer my email instantly like it’s a phone ringing, which he knows. But I emailed him back, “Never mind. She remembered.”

    He sent back A SMILEY FACE EMOJI.

    The only emoji which is appropriate for me to use with him is

    🖕🏼

    Which I did not send. But his emotional disconnect is spectacularly stunning.

    A smiley face emoji? Like we’re friends?
    He is not my friend. He wasn’t my friend. He will never be my friend. All the “good times” we had have been slimed. I now have no idea who was lurking around in our life and what was real. Every. Single Memory. Totally covered with crap. Half of my life.

    Fuck him and fuck his smiley face emoji.

  • This provides the PERFECT comeback for any chump who’s asked by a Swiss bystander why they aren’t accepting friendship with a cheater ex: “We don’t have a multi-billion dollar foundation together so what’s the point?”

    The bystanders won’t get it so you just erupt in uncontrollable giggles and say, “You know, like Bill and Melinda Gates haha,” then immediately change the subject as if in an effort to stop corpsing and compose yourself.

  • I’m guessing this interview was not about Bill grieving or regretting his divorce to Melinda but about him trying to look like a good guy that really respected and loved his wife. The reason? He’s about to unveil a new girlfriend in his life and doesn’t want to look like a complete shit. Anyway this is my guess.

  • Gosh, this post today really hits so close to home.
    Great job with that CL, Bill may have billions of dollars, but he has a fleet of delusional moths where truth and reality should exist in his psyche.
    How can they be that level of blind to what they have done?! It’s on my list of questions to ask God when I see Him.
    It is the most confounding part of the split right now for me that my own clueless wonder somehow has no idea on God’s green earth why I remain NC with him for 4 years and don’t own an “ I forgive you” flag he would be completely thrilled to see me hoist up.
    Nope, I don’t.
    He acts completely shocked at that outcome too, like somehow NEVER seen as an option on his radar.
    I guess they get so comfortable with controlling the narrative for so long, they don’t see that ever changing up.
    I thought we could vacation together as a family, do holidays together, retain a deep friendship, talk about our kids, share our beach house without any issues arising, enjoy our grandkids someday together.
    But he loves us all ( my kids and me) and wants us in his life still, can’t I just understand that?!
    He told a mediator we saw once that he wanted to divorce me and then starting dating me. (Who ARE these people?!)
    I think it’s just part of the DARVO deal, so they now become these poor sad souls who just want their family to just love them and be kind and forgive their shortcomings and just move on with their whole new and improved vision of reality.
    You know, kumbaya singing carols with his mistress turned wife under some Christmas tree, one big happy loving family. ( so he gleefully triangulate forever more!)
    But, alas, I’m just sooo cold and bitter and I prevent that love from just flowing freely. It’s MY fault my family can’t be whole again. I just can’t forgive and move on.
    Life is short you know, can’t we just love one another?
    Ahhhhh, NO is my answer, you mind-blowingly entitled FW!
    You don’t get to change or control anymore narratives for anyone else. Ever.
    You fucked up and there is no redemption story for you to latch onto this time.
    Get yourself a new chess board, because all the pawns you thought you controlled on this one rolled right off the damn board.
    He is truly shocked at the outcome it’s had on our family after the divorce. ( everyone else but him saw the devastation on the horizon, they just see what fits what they want to happen and block all else)
    He created it, but takes no culpability for how it went down.
    In their minds, they are less of an a-hole to the world when they announce how much they just want you all to get along, they are that magnanimous to continue to share their awesomeness with you on some level still. (What a gift you want to give us!)
    No thanks buddy, I pass. Take your awesomeness and paddle off.
    These Bill Gate cheaters don’t do well if they can’t control and manipulate ppl without any restrictions whatsoever.
    They act bamboozled when they can’t. They don’t do well when a wall they can’t get past goes up, not too well at all.
    Power and control are their only real friends, all others are fully and completely expendable.
    Melinda knows Bill sucks, good for her.

  • Bill; “From my point of view it was a great marriage.”

    Melinda; “Really? You said you had to cheat because you had been unhappy for a long time.”

    Bill; “I did? Uhhh, okay, except for that long period of abject misery that forced me to cheat and was totally your fault, it was a great marriage.”

    Nothing to see here folks. Just another FW with no self awareness, no empathy and no ability to face any reality that conflicts with his delusions of adequacy.

  • Wow. Just wow. Yeah, I think Chump Lady has this right. He considered Melinda to be a wife appliance.

    I wonder if Melinda knew it was “part of the deal” that he was going to have “getaways” with his girlfriend? Somehow I doubt it. I think this is the story he told himself (and others) to justify his infidelity.

    • Daughter of a Chump,

      She did agree to his staying in touch with his ex girlfriend, according to their prenup.

      A family “friend” was invited to Bill’s African safari and also the nuptials on Lanai. J. is an expert on wine and was expected to perform for HRH Bill, as were all the other safari guests. Bill had terrible b.o., by the way. If he wasn’t enthralled by one’s presentation, King Bill would just pick up a book and start reading.

      Such a charming individual.

      Glad Melinda escaped.

  • Funny how much Bill Gates has in common with my cheating ex-great marriage and still friends! (In THEIR minds ONLY).

    Fuck. Off.

    Fuck all the way off.

  • Por Bill. He may be brilliant at some things, but he sure doesn’t have any imagination when it comes to BS to save face. I bet his fortune that he feels humiliated by Melinda’s LACGAL act.

  • His only love is Microsoft billion$. Glad Melinda’s driving him to spackle his tarnished reputation. Makes him look a lot worse than if he kept his cheating mouth shut.

    • I am never sure how to respond emotionally when I read about narcissistic hoovers and cheaters always wanting to put on the best front and be friends.
      mine won’t talk to me. Stone cold He went no contact before I did
      I have had an interpretation that I should feel lucky. I’m trying but I don’t feel like lucky
      Feel like you should’ve appreciated the fact that I was still offering him a cordial relationship after everything that he did to me and our family

      we have two adult children
      he won’t respond to texts
      I’ve long since stopped trying

      The few business exchanges we’ve had there’s no please, there’s no thank you, there’s no use of my first name.
      He is trying to erase me.
      I have had people imply that this is punitive – he’s doing it because he’s still trying to hurt me – which sickly feels better as an attachment, than not caring at all.

      When I dig deep and try and be honest, I think it really shows his how little attachment he had to me and our 30 year marriage. He’s pissed off because I wouldn’t live in his world of abuse and lying.
      I have no value beyond that. Hurts like hell but that is probably the healthiest reality for me to work with.

      • The behaviors of narcissists are calculated so don’t take it personally. If a cheater wants to be friends, it’s just image management and nothing more.

        As far as your ex trying to erase you, my ex refused to help host and attend my daughter’s college graduation dinner three years ago – an obvious ploy to blame me for being a horrible human and therefore justification of his cheating (I would love to know what he says about me because there’s nothing there). Beyond blaming me, I’m pretty sure the reason he doesn’t want his new wife to be in the same room as me: I’m the only one who knows he really hadn’t ended his affair and was still cheating when he met and started love bombing his now-wife. She was cheated on in her first marriage and would not be happy to know that her second marriage’s start was a huge lie.

        Just look a little deeper and your ex’s behavior will make sense.

      • I have the same with my idiot ex. He walks around like a wounded buffalo at child exchange and pointedly will not say goodbye to me, just to lo.

        He know parks further away, which suits me fine.

        He went to great lengths, when moving his things out, to leave a bin bag on my bed with all his ‘rubbish’ which included sentimental items from our marriage.

        All this to prove what an evil villain I am and what a lucky escape he’s having with OW.

        Hurry up divorce, I want to be as free of him as he does of me. It doesn’t quite fit into his narrative of me as the woman scorned, trying to hold onto him.

        So long sucker and thanks for all the fish.

  • One of the incomprehensible reasons FW supplied for leaving was that I didn’t ask him how his day was when he came home. 🙄

    It’s not that I don’t understand the idea behind this – obviously he didn’t think he was getting enough of my attention. But at what point do you dispense with the formalities?

    Just tell me what’s up, and I’ll listen. Do you need a formal invitation to talk about your day after 17 years of marriage? Saying hello when you walk in the door isn’t enough? I’ve got to coax you into conversation or else you feel neglected?

    I don’t know, and I’ve got to be honest. This is one of those points that keeps me thinking maybe I’m insensitive and don’t know how to conduct a relationship appropriately. But it just seems oddly superficial to me – like talking about the weather. Or, how about those Yankees? Or, how’s your golf swing coming around? If anyone’s reading this, I’d appreciate some feedback because maybe I’m wrong.

    Anyhow, Bill Gates seems like a sucky partner even without the cheating.

    • No, this is not on you.

      How many times did FW ask you how was your day?

      These podpeople will never admit what soulless assholes they are, so they’ll throw it on us to justify their shitty, morally corrupt lifestyle.

      I’ll wager that if you had asked you would have gotten a bullshit story anyway.

      The lovely residual side affects of life with a FW….🥴🥴🥴

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