When Soul Mates Go Splat
Leave it to me to miss the snark event of the season. (I’ve been moving house.)
Several alert readers sent me the travails of life coach Amanda Trenfield who left her marriage of 14 years for some warm tingly feelings she had for a guy at a conference. (An event she attended with her husband.)
Worse than leaving her husband for a grand passion that seems to have occurred entirely in her head, Amanda wrote about it for the Sydney Morning Herald. Which published it, either because they have no journalistic standards (“We looked into each other’s eyes – his dark and mysterious, mine big and brown”), or because they must hate Amanda Trenfield.
The Twitterverse was not kind.
The soulmate finding out that woman blew up her life after a bite of chocolate pudding https://t.co/nV0LoBR5rd pic.twitter.com/YXKQ1x5aMC
— Ashley Spencer (@AshleyySpencer) May 2, 2022
Yes. Kismet pudding. Amanda, and speaker, Jason, shared a dessert.
…he offered me a sample of his decadent and oozy chocolate pudding.
Could some chump’s 14 years of devotion compete with a gelatinous foodstuff? No.
Then Olivia Craighead at Gawker piled on. “Add this Australian life coach the the list of people who have thrown their lives away for dick.”
Olivia, are we even clear there was dick? Not that I’m going to be buying Amanda’s book to find out (“When a Soulmate Says No.”) But this seems to be the fevered dream of a bunny boiler.
I couldn’t articulate the feelings, the sensations, the experience. The connectedness I experienced with Jason was at a level impossible to describe. All I knew for certain was that this one encounter, in the most unlikely of places, under the most unusual of circumstances, had dramatically altered my life.
The next few days were a complete blur. I couldn’t make any sense of my feelings. I couldn’t escape unrelenting thoughts of Jason. I certainly couldn’t fathom how I’d resume my normal life: a full-time career in financial services, the care of two young children, household chores, social engagements, being a wife. What I did understand was that the successful, comfortable and somewhat predictable life I had spent 20 years building was now of no consequence. I simply didn’t care.
I’d just met my soulmate. What could possibly be more important than that?
I don’t know. Was there a cheese course?
Amanda seems to imagine that everyone in the room is incredibly fascinated with her. Beginning with Jason. And that there is an entire marketplace who would purchase coaching services from someone so blitheringly unaware.
Over the course of the evening, my attraction to Jason developed. I soon became aware of his every breath and I unconsciously mirrored his pace. I caught myself, embarrassingly, looking at his chest through his slim-fitted white evening shirt. Yes, he had a fit, toned and attractive body, but was it his chest I was drawn to?
When dessert was served, he offered me a sample of his decadent and oozy chocolate pudding. I declined, but he scooped up a generous spoonful and fed me across the table anyway. He displayed a level of familiarity normally reserved for close friends or lovers. If anyone had been watching us, they would have been at least curious as to the nature of our relationship.
No one is curious, Amanda.
By the time the group left the restaurant late in the evening, all my senses were on high alert. It was abundantly clear that the energy between Jason and me was somehow charged. I instinctively understood, though, that this was more than just lust, something I had felt many times before. I also understood that it was more than simply physical attraction, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
Who is this abundantly clear to? Your husband? I mean, why mention it to him, the magnetic force of FWs is ABUNDANTLY CLEAR.
Less than a month after meeting Jason, having had no communication with him since our time in Margaret River, I ended my 14-year relationship with my husband.
I cannot believe Jason dumped you, Amanda. After all you shared — pudding, stares, a mutual admiration for his chest. And he does you like this? Pouring Shiraz for other groupies? You were SOULMATES.
I hope the book sales are a balm to your shattered soul.
WTF? Is this real or fiction? I hope Jason has a good security system. This woman is cray!
I agree. This is mental illness at its finest.
2 thoughts:
the pipeline from financial services to life coaching is a slippery slope
how the fuck did she get a book deal? do you know how hard it is to get a book deal? and she got it with this poorly written, treacly bit?
i have got to get back to my desk.
Must be self published. I followed the link and it’s pre-selling for over $40 per copy. LOLOL
Maybe it’s self-published?
I looked up the publisher. Top Reads Publishing appears to be a hybrid kind of press, and offers writers’ services as well as being a vanity press.
Someone should check if it’s based out of the Philippines/their website is run off of one of those super-sketchy Singapore-based servers…the ‘author’ sounds like the type to walk right into that treacle-trap
AKA – the most expensive way to self publish
vanity press. fits a narcissist’s strategic plan.
OMG! Thank you for that comment.
AP wrote and self published a “book” and the dedication to “The Man Of My Dreams” (my ex) was enough to make me puke.
It was a vanity press.
Your comment made me laugh so hard ❤️
“What I did understand was that the successful, comfortable and somewhat predictable life I had spent 20 years building was now of no consequence. I simply didn’t care.”
That is exactly how my ex seemed to be on returning from the conference that was the beginning of the end . He simply didn’t care about me or our children. It’s so strange reading it being written from that perspective. Funny how they all read from the same playbook. They suck.
But talking about a he is different, for a he its simply the act of womanising but our writer, a she with 2 kids and houseban-d it is so very crazy.
But it’s true love! They’re soulmates!
Not the kind of true love that lasts a lifetime, or the kind of soulmates that genuinely care about each other, of course.
But the kind of soulmates that you just “know” from one evening of suggestive dessert sharing. The kind of love that has no reasons, no responsibilities, asks no questions, breaks all the rules, and destroys other people’s lives.
Now please pardon me while I puke my guts out.
Imagine being this woman’s children and reading that her unapologetic assertion that she “simply didn’t care” about her family.
I have learned so much from my ‘experience’ with Mr. X.
One of many eye openers was seeing that what happened to me as a child when my father decided to discard my mother with no warning to her but each one of us kids was given a short explanation – yes, he got to us first with his blame shifting only I didn’t ‘get it’ that that meant and included me/us too – ‘she’/my mother was the bad person….hum, well so were we because we were all being left….(I see this now thanks to CL’s description of all that is entailed in the discard phase of the fw’s drama.)
Anyway, as a child I bought his line of crap hook, line and sinker. As the security and connectedness within my family shattered, he was a covert narcissist so home life was not filled with rage etc – just the perfect dad doing his duty by his family, albeit he wasn’t around a lot because he was busy working….so did my sense of self change dramatically. Where once there had been a healthy sense of self a new felt sense of unworthiness crept in where the gaping hole he left stood empty.
Yep, I developed the attitude of ‘it was my fault’ that psychologists talk about BUT I truly, truly thought I had not bought into that one – it was buried so deeply – hidden beneath years of eating disorders, perfectionism, guilt, etc all of which kept me very busy on the bumpy and never ending road to self improvement ….all extremely good camouflages/distractions from who was really the disordered one…My unconscious reasoning being that I was the ‘flawed’ one so I must make myself perfect so that I can be worthy of not only love but a career, friends – anything relational…I had always blamed my feelings of unworthiness on my mother. Yeah, go figure that one! The mind of a child is a strange place to inhabit and it gets stranger as one gets older.
Although the disordered one was long dead, the consequences of his actions were alive and well within my own psyche.
And, as you have probably guessed by now, I fell in love with someone who was his doppelgänger. He fit like a glove and my own sense of low self worth played seamlessly into his scheme. I was fooled for over 30 years – he was that good at leading a double life BUT I was that good at believing anything and everything wrong in our relationship was MY fault due to my reaction to what happened to me as a child.
I do hope that someone gets to her children and explains this dynamic to them so that they don’t have to go through what I did.
Thanks to CL and CN my life is better than it ever has been. Unearthing my past with new eyes has been life changing. Old dogs can and do learn new tricks. 🙂
I don’t believe she is indifferent. I believe she actually hates them because they didn’t provide enough kibbles, and in her eyes, made her life boring. Hence the sadism.
The disordered deeply resent their own need to keep up a normal facade and of course, they blame their spouses and children for it. That resentment festers and grows into a boiling cauldron of hostility and hatred. What we just read was the cauldron bubbling over.
Deeply disordered is right. Here’s a question: how many of these disordered fuckwits, including the sadism and discard, are actually sociopaths? How common is that? This cannot and should not be any kind of normal. This idiot woman in this story is making light of the fact that she abandoned her family for chocolate pudding. Wow. Wish we could sue them for breach.
Chocolate pudding and pecs. Shallow souls.
I am not an expert but I do work with psychiatric patients daily. She appears to have suddenly became an overnight Narcissistic Whore. Her children will read this and I am certain that they will be deeply hurt and possibly never be able to have a normal relationship by this ridiculous idiot’s decision that bore the children. I will not call her a “Mother” she doesn’t deserve that name. It is for women who love and care about their children. Especially on Mother’s Day today.
Yeah, I thought of that too. It’s going to hurt them. She specifically included being their mother in her list of things she no longer cared about. That’s going to cut deep.
They most definitely have the ability to flip a switch on their life. They go into “all bad” thinking and sickening as this is, that includes their own offspring. Sad to say, I know this first hand.
Yup my FW actually used the phrase “flipped the switch” to describe his brutal discard of me. And his exit affair was just about as pathetic as the one described in that awful article. According to his version of reality, he met a woman nearly 1/2 his age on a business trip and decided she was worth throwing away his marriage & family. I take some solace in the knowledge that she dumped his sorry ass pretty quickly for someone more age appropriate, but the damage was already done.
Mine flipped the switch too. Not only was he in love but all of his loyalty was suddenly to her. He was very worried about how hard it was for her because she felt guilty breaking up our marriage. Really? Poor baby! I found the switch incredibly horrible and scary. Mine was making his life plans right in front of me- the beautiful apartment they were going to have, a new family, great careers, and all the while living out his BDSM sex fantasies in the background with her, because you know, I was way too vanilla for him and she was willing to do anything he wanted. He thought I was happy for him- he was that deluded. They are still together a couple of years later but he lost his job, he had to move cities, he has debt, and I think he temporarily forgot that he’s infertile so if he wants another family (at 50) his new woman will have to endure the same IVF hell I did. That horrible discard is painful-made all the more painful when they think they’ve found someone who is so much better than you they just stop caring and proclaim to the world how great it feels to be in love – forgot about the family sitting at home, where the real life/love actually resides. We’re just collateral damage.
Please embrace the fact he’s gone! Enjoy!
I was told I was too ‘vanilla’ too, that was to explain three different affairs. I was a chump for not leaving after the first.
Yup, I think my FW was so delusional that he expected me & the kids to be happy for him, and to welcome his new “luv” with open arms. He seemed shocked that I didn’t go along with his plan to ride off to the sunset with her…..
It’s so weird! I can’t imagine screwing someone else and then telling my husband “hey, you’ll be happy to know I’m in twu wuv now with this new guy who really gives it to me in a way you could never do.” That’s basically what my ex said. I have tried to imagine what it would be like if the tables were turned but I can’t do it. I literally cannot comprehend any situation where it would be okay and yet- so many of us have had this. The mind boggles…
OMG Formerly – we had twin Fuckwits! Manchild was SO concerned with his serial cheating slutress’ feelings. . . um wife and kids over here? They are SO delusional.
Chevy –
His thunderbolt epiphany was described to me in a very similar way but as “Divine Intervention.”
They locked eyes at an Army exercise. In 2 seconds, my 17-years of loyalty couldn’t compete with a sweaty 34-year-old Captain in BDU’s.
Karma struck as everyone knew it would (except for Dick-for-Brains and the Whoreable Mistake). He gave up everything… for nothing.
Mine said something similar. Resistance was beyond his control (and stayed that way for 16 years!!!). He knew her from uni – but the cosmic connection happened years later when he saw her standing at a drinks fridge in a convenience store. The AP kept the pot boiling – she lived in a different city, so they only saw each other a couple of times a year (queue longing music). When I found out – he felt some moral compunction to confess because there was a chance he had caught herpes from her – he said “I don’t know why I did it, I couldn’t help myself …. it was written in the stars” ha ha. The consequent loss of his family and home was also written in the stars!
I got: ‘It was bigger than me’ (his cock, perhaps?) and ‘I lie because I can’.
Whoreable Mistake. I am sooooo stealing that. Thanks for the laugh this morning, Colonel’s Ex-Chump
It’s called boredom. The 2nd Dday when I confronted Attention Whore, he put his head down and shrugged ‘bored I guess’ This was a rare instance of complete honesty, and I realized then I had nothing to work with. FWs cant resist chasing a rabbit down the driveway, much less knowing how not let it get there in the first place.
Agree that it’s boredome Seasoned Chump. When I asked my ex hubby why he cheated he said “we got into a rut”. So his solution to get out of that rut was to blow up everything we’ve worked hard for for 8 years! Everything down the drain. I’m so glad I’ve left a cheater and gained a life lol. And this time no one will blow it up again.
“in a rut”. Maybe what really meant was “in rut” – that time of year when horny mamalian ungulates mate.no reason not to use the same expression with mammalian non-ungulatea, imho. Do u suppose it was a double entendre?
My ex-wife chalked up the first (and shorter) of two work affairs (there were more outside of work) to simply being bored and not having enough to do. “I was done with my work every day by noon and I needed something to hold my attention.” The best part was that she just expected me to just accept that explanation and be like, “Oh, sure, well in that case, since it’s boredom we’re talking about, then it’s okay,” and was literally dumbfounded when I was like “What kind of an explanation is that?” She could not understand that I didn’t just get it.
What is she, a toddler that needs constant entertainment?? Seriously!!
Ditto here. Trust they suck. No way I’ll ever understand it. It’s deranged to devalue your own children and that’s exactly what my XH and so many others do.
They don’t care, and they forget every good memory of the BS. I don’t know if they actually do forget or it is lies likely both. Either way my fw acted like he couldn’t remember a damn thing about our life together when he first left.
Of course unknown to me right then, he was desperately fighting to save his job. (she was his direct report). I am sure his mind was working like two squirrels throwing knives in his head.
He did save his job, but his promotion and inside job as the mayors chief body guard and suck up went bye-bye. He was kicked back out on street patrol; and since everyone knew he was a two faced liar; well he took an early retirement.
“his mind was working like two squirrels throwing knives in his head. . . . “ lol!
“I don’t know. Was there a cheese course?”
????????
Oh how I needed this laugh!
From her book description “A fearless voyage of self-discovery fueled by stubbornness, tenacity, and an unquenchable thirst for answers to the great mysteries of the soul. Amanda shares the intimate details of her transformation from love-sick hot mess to self-actualized superstar with unapologetic vulnerability and effervescent humor.” Did Ester Pearl write this? What a twat.
Really gives ‘coaches’ a bad name!
It’s what they do—mental gyrations to try to turn a series of horrifying decisions into some sort of hero’s journey. This one is especially cringeworthy, but even when the two share the fantasy, it’s still only a fantasy. Real life is amazing, but also full of work and imperfections. Some people never quite get around to grasping that.
My ex and his schmoopie were all “we’re soulmates!” and went around in this fantasy land free of all responsibility for several years (while I, all unwitting, continued to manage FW’s life for him and pay half his shit). Then I (with the help of my wonderful therapist and equally wonderful attorney) got a backbone, stopped paying for things, and started asserting my rights. FW and schmoopie moved in together (because ex was too lazy/financially irresponsible to maintain our home, which I no longer lived in, and he allowed it to fall into disrepair to the point where it was nearly unihabitable, and because, I suppose, my ex realized I was no longer a viable backup plan so there was no reason to hide the OW anymore. Or maybe she gave him an ultimatum because he STILL hadn’t divorced me four years after he said he was going to).
When faced with real life – bills, three kids (whose custody schedules sometimes did not coincide, meaning they got no “child free” time together), taking out the trash, mowing the grass, doing the dishes, and with no longer having me as a convenient target (I just DID NOT ENGAGE), their little fairytale fell to pieces. OW lasted 4 WEEKS in the same house with him before she fled.
These sorts of people think a “normal” life, with it’s ups and downs, ordinary mishaps and challenges, and a love that settles more into comfort than fireworks, is undesirable and marks them as a failure. So they chase a new “high”, which almost always follows the exact same trajectory as the “boring” marriage they left. My ex blamed me for how badly he treated me (“if you would just appreciate me more/earn more money/wear tighter clothes/lose weight/have kinkier sex/do more, more, more then I wouldn’t have to yell at you/throw things at you/insult you”). Funny thing is, his “perfect” mistress, who did all the things he claimed I did not, received THE EXACT SAME TREATMENT as I did. And much quicker than I did (it took about 8 years before his abuse got bad enough for me to recognize it as such – he and his OW were together less than 4 years). I know she did, because I saw some of it, and learned of more of it later, and I know she was afraid of him enough to leave the state and change her phone number. Her Pinterest board was full of protection spells (yes, I looked at her socials, and I don’t regret it). Honestly I found it all rather amusing. She thought that my claims of domestic violence and abuse were me trying to ruin my ex’s reputation and slander him. She soon found out the truth.
Sad for both you and the other woman, question is why 3 kids with such a violent, unfit man? Shouldn’t you ran from such life way before the new woman story begun?
I only have one kid. OW had two from her ex husband. So my ex ended up with three in the house.
It’s very easy as an outsider to say “you should have just run”, but it isn’t really like that when you’re living it. And the abuse only escalated to physical violence after OW came on the scene. Maybe I should have run, but I was so broken by that point I don’t think I would have if he hadn’t cheated and kicked me out. And it wasn’t like he was punching and kicking me. It was a shove, or throwing something at me. At the time it didn’t seem insurmountable. There was plenty of verbal/emotional abuse before OW, but I thought it was my fault, surely, since he used to be so nice (not realizing that even the “nice” was controlling behavior), and also it’s amazing what becomes “normal”. Abusers escalate VERY slowly. As I said in my post, it took *8 YEARS* for it to get really bad, and even so, I didn’t really recognize what was happening until after we’d been separated for about a year. It wasn’t always and he usually had some excuse (I was tired, I was drunk, I’m stressed about work/money/my health/etc.). I made the excuses for him too, because I loved him.
I had also been very ill for two years (I almost died) and consequently out of work, then only part-time work, I had a little kid, we were flat broke, we had a mortgage that I was as responsible for as he was, ditto on the mountain of credit card debt, no savings. How exactly should I have run? He was also a completely different person in public, involved in charity work, talented, funny, ambitious. Everyone thought he was a great guy. He was also very good at coming up with convincing reasons why it was your fault that he was angry, and was an extremely believable liar. I was certainly not the only one who was taken in by him. He was very good at playing a part. I had no support. To this day most of our friends still think I’m the villain in the relationship, making up lies to slander him. OW completely bought his “nice guy” act. As did I when he and I met and married. No woman would get involved with an abusive man if he were abusive from the start or abusive all the time. Hopefully you never find yourself entangled with a guy like that.
Perhaps spare the judgement if you haven’t lived my situation.
It’s 2022s eat pray love *hork*
eat pray love *ooze* but there’s a cream for that, right?
Hahaha–*hork*
Yeah, she wrote her own book description. If not, who ever wrote it should be taken out back and beaten with a thesaurus until bloody.
When I read “super star” the words somehow magically transformed to the phrase “super slut”. What a ridiculous thing this stupid person did. Twenty years for a bite of oozy pudding. Hate her completely.
Is this for real? And she is supposed to be a live Coach? Who in their right mind would ask her advice on anything to do with life … unbelievable …
Reminds me of the last AP, who apparently thought she should serve up her incredible insights and act as a sort of life coach for me.
She offered to “anilize” the “marrige” and declared “I have Way… , Too Much Love for Me and Would Never put up with the Shit that You do!” after being the side piece for 10 years. He was no kinder to her than he was to me. And she conveniently left out the part where she literally begged him to go back to her; I heard the voicemails and read the text messages.
At least I knew not to go back to my abuser again to play another round of Fuckwit Follies.
So I’m not surprised to read of another clueless cheater who believes that they have important “in high n sites”(yes, the AP was trying for ‘insights’????) to share with us unenlightened ones.
I thought, based on her earlier manglings, that “in high n sites” was her version of “in hindsight”.
I’m glad you escaped her.
She never stopped trying to contact me. Google voice numbers, Facebook messages from random accounts, driving by my new home – any way she could think of.
However, she died recently.
I am not normally a heartless person, but I felt nothing but relief at the news.
The few life coaches that have crossed my path have been pretty messed up individuals. One was a high school dropout after getting pregnant and bumbled along until she sunk her hooks into a retired Marine. She now bills herself as a hard working “military spouse“ when in fact, her gold digger self didn’t start mooching off of him until after he was retired and out. She wasn’t with him, moving around, enduring the loneliness of deployments, etc. Her web page is filled with lies about her background. The others had been drug abusers, one of them with a few DUIs, and both had been unapologetic APs. So in total I have met or known of 3 life coaches and all 3 were messed up one way or another. It seems like a fake career created by troubled people who think their own poor life choices give them credibility or make them relatable. I’m amazed people pay them money.
“It seems like a fake career created by troubled people who think their own poor life choices give them credibility or make them relatable. I’m amazed people pay them money.”
Exactly my thoughts on life coaching.
“…who think their own poor life choices give them credibility or make them relatable”
Ha! Says the woman who named her blog “Chump Lady.”
(But no life coach services here.)
Well … not coaching 1-1 … but the advice you give is invaluable (and good humoured) … so technically you could be classed a life coach of sorts …
Actually, a life coach helped me immensely after my ex left. She had fifteen years of experience though in areas that I needed and a great deal of wisdom and common sense. No drugs, DUI’s, or AP’s at all as far as I knew, and we actually had some friends in common that backed that up. She is fifty-something.
She addressed some areas that the therapist didn’t, and it was very worthwhile.
I have a cousin who became a life coach. She had quit her job to be an unpaid youth pastor at her church. Unable to pay their subsequent bills on her husband’s salary, they lost their house. They are doing reasonably well in life because of my aunt and uncle who love them too much to stop the mooching.
Unless the coaching is “I’m the horrible warning. Don’t be like me!” There’s legitimate value in that.
“I’m the horrible warning. Don’t be like me!”
Maybe I should be a life coach.
Damn, if only they’d served tapioca instead . . .
slow death by chocolate
Or vanilla pudding.
I’m wondering what sort of chaos would’ve ensued if it had been bread pudding.
????
A couple of thoughts:
Firstly, that at no point did the author of the article (who was clearly enjoying her “main character moment”) appear to consider the impact of her unilateral decisions on her husband or their children. I guess that her family fell under the heading of acceptable collateral damage to the “predictable life she had spent 20 years building.”
Secondly, I really hope that Jason is more careful with who he shares his pudding with in the future.
LFTT
This is from the Description of the Book “When a soulmate says No”:
Amanda’s story serves as an example of what is possible when we dare to dream of a life that’s nothing short of miraculous.
oh dear … words … fail …
“the narcissism is strong in her” – Yoda
Yes, and the only description of her husband is as an appliance: “dependable husband.”
“What is possible when we dare to dream”?
Discarding your kids is daring to dream?
When chumps dare to dream, it’s hopium, unicorns and spackle. When cheaters dream, it’s cake, kibble and abuse.
More like molten lava Amanda- lol
Description of book- have a good laugh!
Amanda never imagined that after uprooting her comfortable, stable life to make room for her soulmate that he would decide to go his own way. They both agreed that their connection was unbelievably cosmic.
So why did he say no?
A fearless voyage of self-discovery fueled by stubbornness, tenacity, and an unquenchable thirst for answers to the great mysteries of the soul. Amanda shares the intimate details of her transformation from love-sick hot mess to self-actualized superstar with unapologetic vulnerability and effervescent humor.
Through the exploration of grief, spirituality, energy therapies, self-acceptance, and the undeniable healing power of a good Diana Ross song, Amanda’s story serves as an example of what is possible when we dare to dream of a life that’s nothing short of miraculous.
I know, how dare a mere man say no to sex goddess Amanda? It’s like he’s a person with autonomy just like Amanda herself. I hate this woman for disgracing my first name.
Pity the Diana Ross song she listens to wasn’t “Stop! In the Name of Love!”.
Damn that drivel is painful to read – but it goes SO WELL with CL’s cartoon (my favourite)!
I absolutely love that cartoon.
My ex and his whore were both short and fat. Nothing wrong with being short or fat; but just in my case that was fact, and that cartoon just says it all.
I was about two inches, shorter than my ex; but schmoops was several inches shorter, so in my head I imagined she made him feel tall. He was only 5 foot seven, if he stretched really hard. She looked to be maybe five feet.
My FW is short – maybe 5’4″ – maybe. He went for short women, including me as I’m 4’11”. In heels I was almost taller than him, so I think 5’4″ was a lie. Imagine that.
His newest victim is taller than him. bahahaha
What is this baring of the soul? Does every single person on the planet have tell how they have ruined lives for their needs? Needs are food, clothing, shelter and nurturing. All else is wanting. My dear old SIL wanted freedom so she dumped a loving husband and children. Wonder if she will feel compelled to put it in the paper.
And her husband with with her the entire time. Unbelievable.
I’m pretty sure she planned the entire trip knowing pudding-mate would be there. She made mention “These eyes had locked before. Twelve years earlier. His name was Jason. I hadn’t forgotten.”
So—was this a trip to “reconnect” with your husband as you said?? the husband you ignored all night? this chick just lies and lies and lies.
Yeah, that’s what got me the most. Where was her husband when she was closing out the bar with another man? And this “other man” never contacted her after the conference?? So, so weird.
Perhaps he was disgusted by a woman who would throw away her husband and her children for a bite of pudding. I mean, seriously, who would want to be with someone who would do that? No one with a brain would enter into a committed relationship with someone who talked about how she simply didn’t care about her family and could throw them away on a whim. Maybe he screwed her but settle down with her so she could do the same to him someday when a stranger stuffs a bit of cake (or some other dessert) into her mouth at a party? Oh hell no, why would he sign up for that? What an ass she made of herself. I can’t even imagine. Her husband is there and she’s acting like a horny idiot with this guy. How humiliating. If people did notice, they probably thought she was pathetic.
In a way, he did her husband a favor. At least he can have a real life now and the children can see their mother for what she really is and begin to heal from it.
Bunny boiler…..good one! Lol
I’m going to call my STBXFW that from now on! The author of this book reminded me sooooooo much of him. He was constantly falling in love with other women in just the ways this “author” (eye roll) describes. He now claims to be a love and sex addict. Whatever.
Limerance they call it. I once had limerance, but I didn’t leave my spouse or family over it. I realized I was bored & in a rut & didn’t try boinking someone who was just merely being flirtatious and wasn’t actually giving me soulmate vibes. FYI: no such fucking thing except in the minds of people who expect a lot & give so little in a relationship! So what to do then what to do? Well instead of blowing up my life, my spouse (he did that later himself) and my kids, I changed jobs, started an interesting hobby & started dressing nicer again. Voila! Limerance gone!
BNB- “no such fucking thing (as soulmate) except in the minds of people who expect a lot & give so little in a relationship!” Love this!
FYI: dressing nicer was part of self-care & not being on the prowl
Un-be-fucking-lieveable. Although, it does slightly remind me of the FW XW when, after fucking around w/her rich, older, 40 years married boss (the chancellor of our state’s college system), they came out w/their affair to their workplace and she was gobsmacked by the fact that both the board overseeing the colleges and also their fellow coworkers didn’t support their twu wuv, made things tough on them, and fairly quickly fired her (hey, it was ok, really! She and her fellow fuckwit AP had decided ahead of time that she would take any fall associated w/their reveal. The fact that our kids lost out on free college tuition to many state colleges in our state didn’t matter, right?????????)
I was in serious shock at the time, but even then I was wondering how the fuck she couldn’t understand about how her workplace was reacting to their announcement.
I’ve come to the conclusion that fuckwits gotta be fuckwits, people. They’re simply so lacking in morality and reality when it comes to their treacherous adulterous actions. If they were given a moral compass, they’d ignore it or immediately lose it. Pathetic.
Oh, well. I hope everyone out there in CN is making strides towards leaving their fuckwits behind, living their best lives, and approaching meh. Peace and love to you all.
I don’t think creeps recognizing each other out in the world is the same thing as being “soulmates”, if there is such a thing. I think “holemates” is maybe a more apt moniker, in more ways than one.
Here’s a life tip for the life coach: quality people don’t screw around if they’re in committed relationships, and quality people don’t screw around with people in committed relationships. Doing the wrong thing is the best way to end up with the wrong people, in the wrong places and situations, with the wrong things.
I was thinking the same thing…in their momentary Disneyland, my life is now a fantasy moment, fuckwits never stop to consider the quality of their ‘soulmate.’ What kind of an ass feeds a married woman he just met his pudding ????!
Any reasonable woman with an iota of common sense would realize pudding man was swarmy.
But no, pudding man was a hip grabbing Prince, who recognized the Goddess in her ( and her love of other peoples’ desserts).
Have these rejects never heard of chemistry? Big deal, it fades. How they can take something so common and make it so destructively life altering ( not just for each other, but for innocent family members)….in the name of soulmates ???? – is beyond. Like the kids say « I can’t. »
Grow up.
I don’t get it. They didn’t communicate once and she left her husband?
Four years after my ex ended things with the summer intern to stay with me (didn’t bother to tell me about any of it), OW wrote out of the blue to tell FW it was time for them to stop covering true love with false love, let’s burn down the house with god’s true love.
Can we have a Friday challenge where we get to share excerpts from love correspondances between FWs and APs? Pretty please? I have some winning material.
She’s just nuts. Plus who shares a spoon with a stranger during Covid?
Mr. Pudding probably couldn’t believe she’d blow up her family for a shared dessert and rightly chose to run the other way.
Maybe pudding man knows he’s a loser, and only a fellow loser would get so swept up by such saliva sharing overt and laughable flirting.
Not a chance that really happened. Cake eaters don’t ditch a sure thing without a new supply. She ditched her family for Mr. Pudding, he probably got wise after a few months and kicked her ass to the curb. Now she’s rewritten history, because it’s all about image management with the FWs.
I agree BP, after he kicked her ass to the curb she rewrote history, an evening with Mr. Pudding evolved into a magical, life altering experience and it was all worthwhile, look at how wonderfully happy I am. See Mr. Pudding I’m not bitter you kicked me to the curb, my life is beyond wonderful it’s magical. It was just what I needed to dump my husband and annoying children. it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m so happy I wrote a book about it, just to prove how happy I am.
I actually believe that they may not have communicated after that night but she left her husband anyway. My STBXFW is a lot like her. He “fell in love” with women all the time and most of the time it was totally one sided. All in his head. He created fantasies and believed that small, insignificant interactions with women meant that they were in love even though, most of the time, the women thought nothing of him. He made moves on these unsuspecting women more than once only to be shot down. I can totally see this author doing the same thing. Building everything from one stupid flirty night in her head to mean she needed a totally new life with this man and then ditching everything only to find out he was just goofing around, she actually meant very little to him at all.
“He “fell in love” with women all the time and most of the time it was totally one sided. All in his head. He created fantasies and believed that small, insignificant interactions with women meant that they were in love even though, most of the time, the women thought nothing of him.”
That’s called erotomania. Celebrity stalkers have the same disorder.
The exFW had a fantasy that Instagram fitness models would want him because of his muscles, even though he is mid-50s and not in perfect shape. I’m in my 50s and athletic – we trained together and did races and such together. After I dumped him on D-day, his sad sausage social media posts “I miss my training partner” “This is THE year because of her inspiration” “I am achieving my fitness goals after the worst trauma of my life”. Apparently receiving consequences for cheating was the worst trauma of his life.
The AP? Not an athlete at all. Not Instagram model material.
The new victim? Not an athlete at all. Not Instagram model material.
I’m gonna go out on a limb a limb and guess that the “undeniably healing Diana Ross song” she refers to is the Theme from “Mahogany,” a serenade to the grandiose delusional thinking that feeds Amanda’s story: https://youtu.be/1aFXN7Yrx7g
So with that in mind . . .
(music by Diana Ross, lyrics by Chump Nation)
Do you know how fucked up you are?
Will you wreck your marriage at a seminar?
Then write a dim memoir?
Do you know?
Do you get that you’re Twitter bait?
That nobody cares about your fake soul mate?
You’re such a bantamweight
Do you know?
Once you were viewed as good and smart
But oozy pudding came and blew it apart
You stared at his chest and figured “This man’s for me”
Wonder if your husband’s got a good attorney
Do you know how fucked up you are?
Will you wreck your marriage at a seminar?
Then write a dim memoir?
Do you know? . . .
Simply Awesome
Ux, do you do this, in some way, shape or form, for a living?
HAHAHAHA!!! This is great, thanks for the laugh UXWorld!
Hilarious! Thank you!????????????
UX, this is your best yet. Sheer genius!
Goodness UX, you are gifted … so good!
bantam weight for the win.
Utterly hilarious, UXworld. I particularly liked, “Once you were viewed as good and smart, But oozy pudding came and blew it apart.”
What’s so interesting to me is how how so many people in the financial service industry do become “Life Coaches” and fucked up ones at that! My 2nd FW was a Life Coach after being one of the top 10 financial planners in the nation. I met him when I was working for Northwestern Mutual as a consultant. That MF’er absolutely snowed me! After 1.5 years of dating long distance he moved to my city, proposed to me, and we moved in together. And, that’s when the abuse started. It was subtle at first with mind games, trickery, etc. and then it really escalated to life threatening situations after he conned me into marrying him! I eventually fled for my life, went into hiding and divorced that fraud. Before I fled, I found out that he was hundreds of thousands of dollars in tax debt, he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend in CA, and he had bipolar disorder. The doctors believed his disorder could potentially manifest into major psychological events that could become dangerous as he had psychotic tendencies (other testing would have to be done to determine exactly what all that psychological stuff was and he wasn’t about to get additional testing…..for all those who like to critique about mental illness/diagnosis stuff). The bottom line is he was dangerous, a fraud, and had me chained to him legally. I now believe he was using me for 2 things: 1) planning on killing me for my life insurance money as he kept demanding I put him on my life insurance policy and remove my kids. 2) teeing it up so I would be liable for 1/2 (if not all) of his tax debt for the years we were married (I learned he was in the process of filing for bankruptcy). I got out of that shitshow battered, bruised, thumbs that don’t work properly and tingle occasionally (he dislocated them) but safe! I’m still working with the IRS to get my innocent spouse status for that tax year he threatened to kill me if I didn’t file with him.
Back to this crazy former Financial Planner to Life Coach story….that group has high number of people who have a really weird skewed (or narcissistic) view of their role in the world. They actually believe they are better than everyone/hollier than thou because them helping people get life insurance, building finances up, etc. makes them like a God. The ones who go to the Life Coach route have an even more inflated since of Godliness. I’ve even heard them reference themselves as Gods using Godly names like “Ra”, “Jesus”, “Adonis”, etc. (I would know as FW snowed me into becoming his assistant). Super scary shit with that bunch! They are Life Coaches who understand money laundering and think they are Gods. Not the type of life coaches you want to get involved with….promise! I feel for her husband and those poor babies. I hope he gets out of that snake nest soon.
Wow. I’m so glad you got out and are alive.
Sweet Hell!!!!! Southern Chump I am glad you survived that monster. I just received proof of Life Insurance paperwork where LTC Fuckface hand wrote next to the line naming me beneficiary “If living”. They never stop do they?
Omg 33. He is one evil pos.
So sorry.
Nope! They never stop. It’s so scary how people like that look at others as “disposable“.
Wow, it never stops being shocking how these unconscious entitled fools nuke lives for their own amusement. What trash she is. Her husband doesn’t yet know how lucky he is to be rid of her!
Check out this song ‘Narcissist’ by Anna Avery I came across this w/e. What a beautiful voice and we can, unfortunately, relate to the subject matter. It’s very well done.
https://youtu.be/ZAETfO9a8cw
Is this post real? If they never communicated once.. why did she leave her husband? I know of a reputable physiatrist she should communicate with. Dumb ass ????
SO many “life coaches” I know are seriously screwed up people. Why would I want coaching from them? This person is Exhibit A.
Amanda has read one too many drugstore romance novels. The lady is crackers and so is anyone that would sign up for her life coach services.
I’m curious – hopeful, really – that her husband has a lawyer demanding at least half the royalties. In that case, I might be inclined to buy the book. Amazing she thinks so little of her family that she’d drop them for basically no reason, willingly turn around and humiliate, mentally abuse them on a wider public forum. The more I know of people, the more I love my dogs.
“The more I know of people, the more I love my dogs.”
Amen.
ExgfOW, the ex’s ‘soulmate’, was a life coach. No idea what she does now, as whenever I am tempted to get forensic, my ears need preening and that takes time. I met her at a wedding once. She seemed unsuited to life coaching, in that her own life looked like a chaotic shambles. Still, she got the last laugh: a sulky, grumpy, selfish, high on the narcissistic traits, 53 year old man with significant sexual difficulties, once described by someone to someone else who knew me and repeated the comment as ‘the dullest person on earth’, as her twin flame. Great bit of coaching. Message to Amanda: ‘Oh life coach, heal thyself’.
I’m still trying to figure out how an itch in the groin can be perceived as “an unquenchable thirst for answers to the great mysteries of the soul.” Some trick of biology, I guess, kind of like those parlor tricks with optical illusions.
“We entered the magnificent oak-paneled dining room, taking our seats at a long, elegantly laid table.” No need to read further, I already can’t stomach her.
That said, her ex-husband should be thanking the Governor of the Universe for commuting his sentence to only 14-years, as opposed to life.
“magnificent oak”
“elegantly laid”
LOLOLOL
You’d think it was a palace and not a hotel/conference center!
This made me laugh, she’s so out of touch with reality. If some guy I just met tried to feed me I’d think, this is a move, he’s a player, nah
Anyone notice the parallel to when Glennon Doyle met Abby Wambach at an author event and was instantly in love?
Glennon didn’t leave her husband after D-day, nope. But she did leave him for Abby. And at least she left him and graced us with her insights in Untamed. *insert eyeroll. My friends and I read that together and many of us couldn’t finish it.
I will never understand that instant true love BS. Attraction? Lust? Sure.
At least Amanda left before she cheated.
Yes, I saw the parallels too.
Someone in my divorce group would from it, and I decided to get the Kindle version because I appreciated the wisdom. Nope. The whole context threw it for me. I didn’t last more than a few chapters.
Yes. I was thinking this Amanda is angling to be Australia’s Glennon Doyle.
For those who wondered how she found a publisher for this trash, I don’t think she did. Although the newspaper calls this “Edited extract from When a Soulmate Says No (Pepper Press/Fair Play Publishing) by Amanda Trenfield, in stores May 2,” according to Booktopia, the publisher is TopReads, which means she didn’t find a publisher, she paid to self publish here: https://www.topreadspublishing.com/publishing/ . And she’s charging $43.40 there.
What kind of moron gives/accepts sips of wine and spoonfuls of pudding with a stranger? Have they never heard of COVID, or other infections, or the sheer tackiness of feeding/being fed, at a conference, and in front of a spouse?
From her bio: “Amanda now owns a successful private consulting practice in Australia which merges her two passions: helping women reinvent and transform their lives, and working with businesses to understand the unique talents of their employees.”
She’s having a publishing event today, but sadly RSVPs are no longer available. https://www.gleebooks.com.au/event/amanda-trenfield-when-a-soulmate-says-no/
I wonder how she plans to help women transform their lives.
‘the sheer tackiness of feeding/being fed, at a conference, and in front of a spouse?’ Yes! So much of cheating is just that – laughably tacky. Not funny for the families destroyed…. but they just take their fuckwit ways so seriously – like it’s high art or something.
Being fed anywhere in public is tacky. It’s even more tacky being fed by a stranger in front of your spouse at a conference.
I would expect Amanda’s level of self-reflective writing to be coming from an extremely bored teenager. And for the cherry, she calls herself a “life coach”.
This story should have and picture of Fabio as a leader…..wow what an idiot this chick is. “Hey Ester here’s one of your stooges”
Don’t dis Fabio – I love how he doesn’t take himself seriously!
Not really dis-ing Fabio just the portrayed image the dime store romance novels present. To add I read the article and I can’t glean whether she consummated her lust for her “soul mate “(a term I find ridiculous, )… I mean not even an “Australian kiss”
Agreed. Every time I saw him he seemed to be a sweet person, who knew his image and who he was were not the same.
Fuckwits are all immature. Like a child who sees a shiny new toy, everything else in the playroom is quickly forgotten. No attachment to what’s been “important” to them before because they’re incapable of deep attachment and enduring connection/commitment.
Mature adults find this behavior befuddling because we DO form deep attachments. It’s actually a good sign that we find it so hard to understand what it’s like to be so shallow.
My attorney likened my ex to an overgrown toddler throwing a temper tantrum. And told me to treat him accordingly (we were both moms of small boys, so…) – STEP OVER HIM and get on with your day.
My hairdresser became one of my close friends after I was dumped. The ex also went to him until the first UK lockdown. Long before we split, my friend described the ex as a ‘Grand Bambino’. My friend could detect the immaturity in this 50+ man in a way I could not because I was too close and too sedated to see. After his hair had been cut, the ex would peer closely into the mirror and ‘spot’ a minuscule strand by his left ear which needed to be trimmed. It was always in exactly the same place and he did this on every hair cut for decades! My friend laughed about it. He said that he knew that no matter how closely to the skin he cut the hair by the left ear, the ex would ‘find’ a stray hair which my friend then pretended to ‘cut’. The ex was emphasising that he was the client and he could tell my friend what to do. It was a power play. Pathetic.
Yes, I agree. Extreme immaturity, and she’s shouting it to the world. Really?
My ex abandoned us some months after he retired. I told him that I wanted a separation, and he ran. There were mental health issues and a bit of lostness after his working days ended, but he decided that living near the beach where no one knew his history was far better than being a responsible human being. He had threatened that before, so I guess that I shouldn’t have been surprised.
When the attorneys finally got involved, mine started calling him “the boy” some months in. I asked why, and he said because my STBX was being so very immature. Real men don’t run away from their problems, he said. Well, my ex did, and that was that.
“Those who can, do; those who can’t, coach.” ? ????
…let me get this straight…
They sat at the same group table at a conference and he shared a spoonful of pudding with her ONCE, never spoke to her again after that…
Aannnnddd she left her marriage thinking he was her soulmate?
Did I miss something????
Apparently they also closed out the hotel bar together. And had a hug. No mention of where the husband was during all this. I read the “article” and I didn’t even get the sense they slept together. Very strange for sure.
Apparently she missed the part where yknow…he didn’t contact her at all after that point…
Kara,
You missed the bit about her being a batsh*t crazy narcissist with the writing style of an emotionally illiterate 14 year old.
Other than that you nailed it.
😉
LFTT
This is worse than 50 Shades and Twilight.
I’ve never believed in soulmates, at least as someone you just encounter. Can you build a relationship where you become soulmates by being together through happy and hard times, by learning and growing often through acknowledging your mistakes and working hard to become better people? I believe in that. Because compatibility and physical attraction will only take you so far. I also think that most mature people agree with me to some extent. This woman sounds like an 8th grader writing fanfic.
Ick…she’s a self-indulgent teenager…My ex couldn’t stop saying “We Fell In Love” over and over. Literally on the day I found out about the knob polisher…this after 24 years and 2 kids. One of his favorite condescending questions to me was: “is it a WANT or is it a NEED”? Couldn’t wait to throw that question back in his fat selfish man-baby face.
Okay, here is my theory of why fuckwits so often think they have met their “soul mates” after only a brief acquaintance; they are subconsciously aware that the other person is as fucked up, shallow and self-absorbed as they are. They see themselves in the object of their obsession, and being so up their own asses, that’s like catnip to them. Jason sounds like he’s as big a douche as her. Who spoons food into the mouth of a married woman in public, after she’s said no to it at that?
I don’t believe they never fucked at that conference either. Her account is surely as full of lies as it is delusional thinking. They fucked and she told herself it meant something real to both of them. It didn’t. For him she was just a hole and for her he was just fodder for a narcissistic blither fest, first inside her own cavernous, empty skull and then in this execrable memoir. Gross gross gross.
Yes! Some fuckwits even look like each other. I’ve heard it over and over again -seriously intense crazy chemistry is usually based on something unhealthy (and that advice is given to single people!).
Be careful with the life coaches and a lot of therapists. Also the business coaches.
The most know it all life coach I know has a certificate in life coaching. No other college or training. A multi-week certificate. She is 50, blew up a mortgage career, and lives with her parents. But has much advice. So much advice. I have 3 friends who I think are the real deal therapists – rational adults living rational, grown up lives. And then the one who has a doctorate in therapy, failed to get her practice in “excellence” off the ground (she wanted to be a group psych coach to teams and business” “elite performance” was the type of name of her business.) She crept out of town under the cover of darkness and is living in her daughter’s basement, attempting to reignite her business promoting excellence. I watched a woman who owned a thriving performing arts school surround herself with a life coach and a business coach and I remember sitting in meetings thinking this is a house of cards, they’re telling her what she wants to hear. She fired me when I said you’re going to be bankrupt in a year after 28 years of making bank. And she was bankrupt in a year after 28 years of making bank is being sued for $5 million. Just because they sound like they have expertise, I think it’s legitimate to make sure these advisors have some personal integrity and success, not just credentials.
She got love bombed by a dandy who devalued and discarded her.
She’s too dim to realize what happened. Now she’s writing a book waxing gloriously.
All praise the enlightened life coach.
Phony meet narc.
(hahahahaha)
Ack.
Histrionic Borderlines.
They’re suddenly everywhere.
I feel bad for the people who gave her testimonials for her website prior to this article coming out.
Sounds like she’s a coach for masochists.
Wow. Every day I am amazed of FWs can do to honest decent people. Never, never, never would I think of leaving my son behind for sex and pudding. Of course my son is 26 and on his own but were he still a kid, it would never even pop to my mind. All of us who have kids went through the whole pregnancy thing and for some it is easy some not so easy and everything in between. All I can say is after going through labor and holding my son for the first time, I knew that I would do everything I could to make him feel loved and safe. I have seen parents sacrifice for their children, starving parents who make sure their children get something to eat and go hungry if they need to. That to me is what you take on when you become a parent. I cannot see how anyone could just dump their family to follow sparkles. I guess that is what being a chump is all about. We bond and we love and we do it with honesty and integrity. Sorry, but the concept of dumping a family boggles my mind and makes my head want to explode. A FW will always be FW. If having values and capacity to loves makes me a chump, then I am most proud to be a chump.
My Ex The good ole fun time Charlie gingles gangles dick with chronic absorption of attention disorder stopped at little to nothing to gain all the attention possible. Just could never get enough! It was not like he lacked love and affection and attention at home he simple had an addiction to attention with an uncontrollable dick. So easily captured by barroom sluts but it was an excitement not to be refused. He made up many entitlements . They can be very convinced of their own reasonings to cheat , kind of like how prisoners keep calling out innocence’s until they actually believe it despite their guilty crimes. I’m still trying to not question the dumbness of throwing away a twenty plus marriage and all we had been through all the mile stones and a time when things were getting easier the kids raised more time for us , it’s bizarre . In the end I was seeing him as a corrupt monster .
Sounds like a poorly written Harlequin romance novel. Cheap, fake and boring as hell!
I read this when it was published last week and thought what a load of over the top BS. Her husband supposedly accompanied her on this conference. Where was he when the puddingfest occurred? I think Randy Mandy has an overworked imagination. How can this sustain a whole book? I certainly won’t be buying it to find out.
Why the hell do these cheaters want to be life coaches or psychologists? Is it some major analytical fantasy? It’s actually disturbing to think that these nut jobs are let loose to coach vulnerable people.
The only thing I can think of is they are so self absorbed they can’t imagine that anyone would not want to sit and listen to them wide eyed with fascination.
She’s bat-shit crazy.