Many an alert chump sent me yesterday’s Yahoo news article: “What it Means if The Married Man You’re Having An Affair With Ghosts You Out Of Nowhere” by life coach Mitzi Bockmann. It originally ran on Your Tango, which is to UBT fodder what Purina is to dog chow.
News alert: an OW has a sadz.
The Universal Bullshit Translator is here to comfort and assuage. Oh sorry, it’s here to savage and eviscerate. Hang on to your Lebkuchen.
Having an affair with a married man is full of highs and lows, agony and ecstasy, and some days you may wonder if it’s all worth it.
Are you that special? Are your furtive orgasms worth his children’s therapy bills?
If you are reading this article because a married man ghosted you, it can feel devastating. And now here you are, in the deepest of lows, wondering what the heck happened and why he disappeared.
From personal experience (and the experiences of my clients), there are several specific reasons why a married man having an affair would pull away from a relationship with his mistress.
There are several reasons… and they all end in….
Spiffy midgets epoxy blunderbusses to bedposts, from personal experience of flimflam shimmy shakes, Mistress Twatwinkle will have two lumps.
(THWACK! Apologies. The UBT malfunctioned.)
The 5 main reasons why a married man ghosts the woman he’s having an affair with:
1. He’s freaking out, again
How many times have you and your married man broken up? I am guessing probably way more than once.
I am guessing the pussy buffet has other entrees.
Are there times when he is overwhelmed with guilt and he declares that he just can’t see you again and you — tearfully — agree to say goodbye?
I can’t tell you how many times this happened to me when I was involved with a married man. We would be seeing each other regularly, seem really happy when we were together, and talk about our future together. Then, out of nowhere, he would get consumed by guilt and decide that he had to let me go.
It was so sad for me — especially those times when he would ghost me instead of being honest with me.
I expected honesty from the man who lies to his wife. How DARE he be dishonest with me! #sosad
I would be devastated while wondering where he was. I felt sure in those moments that he had never really loved me. It was awful.
Can you imagine doing this to someone? The way we… uh… did it to… uh.
But every time, four weeks later, he would call me, for some small, stupid reason, we would agree to meet ‘as friends’, and the whole vicious circle would start up again.
My pussy buffet is open 24/7! Anytime! Any stupid reason! I’m here! Call me!
2. He takes you for granted
I can’t imagine why he takes you for granted.
I have a client whose married man regularly ghosts her. When their relationship is going just fine, out of the blue, she stops hearing from him.
What often happens during this time is that he is doing something with his family or friends. Perhaps it’s the weekend when he is skiing with his friends, on a vacation with his wife, or his in-laws may be visiting. For whatever reason, he doesn’t / can’t / won’t text.
And he doesn’t tell her ahead of time because he knows she will get mad, so he ghosts her when the time comes instead.
When a married man disappears from the woman he says he loves, he is taking her for granted. He assumes that, no matter what he does, she will be there for him when he gets back. And, more often than not, she is.
Just because you chose a married man doesn’t mean you can’t expect total centrality in his life.
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3. He doesn’t want to disappoint you
Disappointing Junior, by skipping his choral concert to fuck you, is fine. Disappointing you is not.
On the other side of taking you for granted is the fact that he knows that if he tells you the truth, it won’t go well. Perhaps he’s scared that he will hurt you. He might be worried that you will be angry or disappointed. And he knows that he can’t handle those kinds of emotions.
He’s sociopathic because he cares.
I can’t tell you how many times my married guy disappeared. He had no problem being there for me when things were going good, when he wanted my support, or he was interested in getting in my bed. But when it came to facing up to what was going on, he ran away.
He knew that he might hurt, anger, or disappoint me and he just couldn’t bear the idea of doing that.
He couldn’t bear it sooo much… that he kept on doing it.
Ironically, when he ghosted me he did all of those three things in an even bigger way. And it didn’t do anything for my self-esteem when he returned again, telling me how much he missed me and couldn’t live without me.
But I let him back in — over and over.
Enjoy my other life coaching sessions, “Obliviousness in 10 Easy Steps!”, “Here’s a Clue: Hit Me With It,” and “Blather: I’m Fascinating.”
RELATED: Why Men Suddenly Ghost You After 2-3 Months (And How To Get Him Running Back For More)
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4. His wife suspects an affair
More often than not, the #1 reason a married man will ghost you is that his wife suspects something.
More often than not, women who date men who don’t have wives, don’t deal with suspicious wives.
I have a new client who reached out to me when her married man ghosted her. She was devastated and confused.
The UBT is so confused. “Her married man?” Huh?
He had made her so many promises and they were planning their life together, and for him to suddenly disappear was devastating.
It’s almost like you’re his wife.
He wrote her an email and told her that his wife found out and that they were trying to ‘work things out.’ His wife found their photos, texts, and shared Spotify playlists, and asked him about them. He told her that he had met someone and that they hadn’t been physically intimate yet, but had had an emotional connection.
His wife ordered him to never talk to her again unless they were at work. She now monitors all of his phone calls and text messages. And they are trying to work things out.
So, because of his wife, who was the more important person to consider, despite the promises he made to his girlfriend, he ghosted her. Leaving her feeling ‘less than’ and unimportant.
Which is a totally okay feeling for wives to have.
The upside of this particular ghosting is that she finally saw him for the person he really was and was happy to do the hard work to step away.
And self enlightenment through fucking married men is what we’re about. See my other life coaching sessions, “Is That Karma Biting Me in the Ass?” and “Dumped: A Journey of Selfhood.”
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5. He met someone else
This one isn’t as common but it definitely is a thing.
It’s a thing. You’re Forgettable Fuck Wednesday.
Your married man may have decided that he needs someone else to make him feel less alone.
And your vagina could no longer comfort the afflicted.
For many men, the thrill of the chase is what makes their affair partner compelling. Being physically intimate with someone new may be wonderful for men like this, but fantasizing about a life with someone, having someone take care of them, and having a distraction when things get boring, is also very attractive.
When the thrill of those things fades with the affair partner (which they always do), the married man moves on to someone new.
Your married man, instead of working on his unhappy marriage, used you to fill his emotional and physical needs. Why would he change his stripes now and try to do the hard work with you?
Poor boo and his unhappy marriage. Why would he do the hard work with you when there are so many other appliances?
And why would he do the hard work of facing you and telling you that it was over? It’s easier for this type of man to simply ghost you and move on.
Accept your obsolescence, Sparkletwat.
I know that this concept is incredibly painful, but it’s the best thing that could ever happen to you. If a man loses interest in you so quickly, like he lost interest in his wife, then he definitely isn’t the person you thought he was.
Can you imagine what the rest of your life would look like with this man? Would you ever trust him again?
Having a married man ghost you is an awful thing to go through and you are likely feeling very sad, I know.
There were days when Mitzi Bockmann ate entire tubs of HagenDaz and stared at the wall and played Phil Collins over and over and over again. WHY?! she wailed. A voice answered from beyond: “To be a LIFE COACH, Mitzi.”
But knowing what is going on might help you manage the pain.
He might very well be questioning your relationship again and will be back. Or he might be afraid of being honest with you and dealing with your emotions. His wife may have found out or perhaps he just moved on.
With all of that in mind, for whatever reason, the reality is that your married man ghosted you.
I want you to ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship, potentially long-term, with someone who will ghost you instead of facing issues head-on.
That doesn’t sound very fun, does it? It’s likely time to let him go and find the love that you deserve.
Find love with Bruno. Go marry him. Invest deeply. Buy a house. Have a couple kids. Share a mortgage. Schlepp his mother to chemo. Now look at his phone. He’s fucking some co-worker named Wendy.
She’s Wednesday. Now find his burner phone and discover Monday through Sunday.