Ugh. This story.
Let’s get the usual caveats out there — domestic violence is never okay. We don’t drive people to hit us. Get out, get out, get OUT before you succumb to the urge to pummel a cheater. Remember the Mr. CL adage: If It Feels Good, Don’t Do It.
Now then, country singer Michelle Branch was arrested for slapping her cheater husband Patrick Carney.
In a since-deleted tweet sent at around 1:30 a.m. on Aug. 11, Branch said that Carney had cheated on her.
“Just found out my husband cheated on me with his manager Haley McDonald from Full Stop Management while I was home with our 6 month old daughter,” Branch apparently said in the tweet.
Branch and Carney have been married for three years and share a 4-year-old son in addition to the above-mentioned 6-month-old baby.
Yes, fucking around on the mother of your preschool children isn’t considered abuse. Because that’s the upside down world we live in. I hope Branch has a really top-notch lawyer, because she’s got to work out custody and divorce with this creep.
Consider this a public service announcement about why you don’t confront cheaters. The very best thing you can do is get the hell away from them and go no contact. How much you want to bet this guy will press charges and weaponize this in their divorce?
And how much do you want to bet the narrative will be ho-hum he cheated on her, what’s worse is how she reacted to it.
I know many of us would be in jail but for the grace of God. Whether it’s going nuclear on an affair partner or the cheater. The pick me dance can turn deadly — and cheaters will goad chumps. Kibbles! Drama! Kibbles! They provoke for their own ego trip, and they provoke strategically — because you losing your shit benefits THEM.
That’s why, even though it is grossly unfair, chumps, you have to be above it all.
They are NOT worth it.
Speaking of scraping the shit off your shoe — Patrick Carney. A bucktoothed drummer married to a Grammy-award winning singer. Really, dude? You look like the unholy union between a basset hound and a tub of paste.
How does THIS guy think he’s going to do better? We’ve got the Shakira, Beyonce, Christie Brinkley, Halle Berry problem again. It doesn’t matter how beautiful or talented you are, you can never be a buffet of pussy.
When CN first started sending me this story, I didn’t know who Michelle Branch was. And then I saw she used to be part of the Wreckers, who penned one of my favorite songs ever: “Different Truck, Same Loser.”
Diferent truck, same loser
Different face, same shooter
A beater or a boozer
A cheater or a user
If there’s one in fifty miles he’ll end up on her couch
Same road, no future, different truck same loser
I hope this one is off Michelle Branch’s couch forever. God speed on the divorce.