After three years, the wheels have fallen off the FW & Schmoopie love bus! All the “I finally found my soulmate, sorry but it’s twu wuv, you gotta admit our marriage has been dead for awhile” excuses that the FW fed me as he scurried off leaving me and our kids distraught and confused.
So here I am waffling between feeling smugly elated to pissed that FW did that to our family — and for what? A three-year fuckfest?! At least if it had lasted, I could have semi-rationalized FW blowing everything up! Sorta. Maybe. See my feelings are all over the place.
Worse, when our daughter expressed her relief at the news, FW tells Schmoopie about it! Schmoopie then calls my adult daughter to scream at her. My youngest son (an older teen) was there and gets on telling Schmoopie to eff off and leave them alone.
Then FW calls our kids telling them off for yelling back and swearing at Schmoopie! He even tells them they’re, in fact, partially to blame for the love bus running off the road! Schmoopie apparently complained that our kids never liked her. (No shit Sherlock, it’s hard to love a bimbo unless you’re an immature male.) So she believes that’s the reason FW ended it. And FW seems to be happy about our kids taking the heat despite him telling them that she was too high maintenance for him. Funny how we all saw Schmoopie’s high maintenance in the beginning and he didn’t. Whatever. Hope she made him pay for every vial of Botox or fillers!
It’s a mess. I don’t know what to feel, what to think or 100% how to help my kids deal with FW dad or the now ex-Schmoopie.
Thank you for all advice!
Not sure of a pen name
Dear Not Sure,
Step aaaawwwaaaaaay from the drama. Same advice to your kids. Remember the Mr. CL axiom: “If it feels good, don’t do it.”
Schmoopie then calls my adult daughter to scream at her.
Why pick up? Why feed this person one iota of one scintilla of time? Dad blew up the marriage. The OW was a handy orifice, and surprise, surprise, it didn’t work out.
You know what says “I don’t accept the blame for your shitty relationship?” — letting them have their shitty relationship. Bow the fuck out.
Having a screaming match on the phone just solidifies Schmoopie’s narrative that The Children Are Just Terrible To Me.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter, she’s probably got another dick with a credit card to fund her botox. What matters is your meh. Cultivate it.
It’s been three years since the divorce, trust that he sucks. I know some schadenfreude is irresistible, but if you really trust the suck, your ex’s relationship failures won’t surprise you. Or his sad-sausage blameshifting. It’s what sucky people do.
So here I am waffling between feeling smugly elated to pissed that FW did that to our family — and for what? A three-year fuckfest?! At least if it had lasted, I could have semi-rationalized FW blowing everything up!
He cheated because he sucks. He didn’t value his family, or you, or ending things ethically because he’s a shallow, unethical person. There is no grand passion rationalization that eclipses his suck. Don’t buy into it.
Then FW calls our kids telling them off for yelling back and swearing at Schmoopie!
Roll it over to voicemail. Teach your kids boundaries. Dad wants to yell at them for not paying the proper respect and deference to his fuckbuddy? They are free to hang up. He wants to blameshift? Return to sender.
I don’t know what to feel, what to think or 100% how to help my kids deal with FW dad or the now ex-Schmoopie.
You feel what you feel. I’m not going to judge your glee. But I just wouldn’t stay there long, because if you spend your life reacting to your ex’s self-inflicted fuckwittery, there’s going to be scant room for your hard-won sanity.
Your kids have to learn to deal with your ex by themselves. He’s their dad, that’s their relationship. You don’t control his investment, or his treatment of them. Or theirs with him. All you can do is keep your side of the Sane Parent street clean. Keep being there for them and showing up in their lives. That says more about you than anything you can say to them about their father.
I’m sorry he’s blaming you all for his relationship failures. But what’s he got left but failure? He lost you, the kids, his self-respect, and now, his plastic-surgery enhanced Poptart.
Let him have his shitty relationship with himself. Bow out.