Woman Outs Cheater in Aussie Newspaper
Every Steve in Queensland Australia woke up alarmed last Friday, when an anonymous Jenny posted a full-page ad in the Mackay and Whitsunday Life newspaper outing Steve as a cheater.
The whole meshugas went viral in Oz with many hailing Jenny as a hero. But of course adding “scorned” to the coverage because yes, it is revenge, and also you cannot cover a chump’s reaction to cheating without using scorned. It’s in the bylaws somewhere. All the other adjectives are unavailable.
Turns out, alas for Jenny, the Mackay and Whitsunday Life newspaper did not charge Steve’s credit card, fearing fraud charges. But they expressed the hope that Mr. Filth will come forward and pay for the damage to his reputation.
(When pigs fly. Just enjoy the free publicity Mackay and Whitsunday Life.)
According to the New York Post:
Mackay and Whitsunday Life have been inundated with “dozens” of messages since the full page note went to print on page four.
“We do not know who Steve is, but apparently he’s been very, very bad,” a newspaper representative said.
Mackay and Whitsunday Life are protecting Jenny’s anonymity. But there are a few bazillion Jenny chumps in the world, and probably more Steves, so whisper among yourselves.
Jenny, if you’re listening — remember — If It Feels Good, Don’t Do It. Fortunately, the newspaper didn’t charge the card. Visa and Mastercard don’t care about Steve’s wandering dick, but you could’ve faced fraud charges! (Assuming you aren’t married to the creep and share the account). He’s not worth it!
Every chump understands the impulse. Who among us didn’t want to spray paint their cheater’s name on a highway overpass? But you gotta stay classy, Jenny. Especially if you’ve got kids or are headed to court. This shit can boomerang on you. (Forgive the Aussie metaphor.)
Also, we don’t hope he’s happy with her, Jenny. We’re glad he’s with her. His diseased dick has found a home. I know you meant it with sarcasm, but please have zero hopes for this guy. Your happiness is what matters here.
Steve sucks.
Indeed. I totally get it, though. The rage and hurt is overwhelming. The desire for justice is devouring.
Thing is, you can deal with all of it, but you have to do it one day at a time. There’s no shortcuts.
Doing angry shit feels like a shortcut, but it just gives you more work to do.
I agree there are no shortcuts to true emotional recovery and revenge served hot and incautiously can have serious fallout. But I still laugh over some of the minor humorous things I did (or things I didn’t do) when I first started putting two and two together and after the affair was exposed. Being able to laugh a little at the time saved me. To this day if I ever have intrusive flashbacks, I’ll remember the hijinx and the “flooding” is disrupted. If anything, I wish I’d pulled a few more pranks.
The weeks that led up to D-day and the two days that followed involved a harmonic convergence of events that turned the whole thing into a Roman circus but this time with me playing Caesar. I learned about the affair from a workplace whistleblower and then independently confirmed it by hiring a PI. When I got the proof and confronted FW with what I knew, just by omitting a few little details related to how I learned of the affair, FW and Schmoops both became extremely paranoid and isolated at their respective workplaces, turned on each other and then FW sent a staggeringly cold “cease and desist” email for fear she’d go all #MeToo and deliberately wreck his career because the affair had begun when she’d been a direct report at the same firm. The affair coming to a crashing end relieved at least the fear that my kids might be exposed to the toxic DUI queen.
I barely had to lift a finger to hoist the FWs on their own petards and on the lies they’d told each other all along. I didn’t correct FW’s deduction that it had solely been Schmoopie’s big yapping mouth that let the cat out of the bag. That was part of it but I really have no idea whether the gossip was as widespread as he feared or that Schmoopie had intentionally unleashed it in the hopes it would blow up his marriage. My impression was that just a few people had seen something and said something and those few people were being discrete to maintain plausible deniability in case of lawsuits. In any case, he accused her, she accused her few remaining supporters. Her hysteria and anger added to the impression that she deliberately tried to expedite divorce and even that she might seek revenge. I ate popcorn and never bothered to correct the misperceptions.
Like laughing at a funeral, the fact that any of this was funny to me sort of hinged on the heartbreaking awfulness. During the worst of the DARVO phase before D-Day, I had been losing any will to keep going. Pulling a few pranks seemed to resurrect my inner rebel from the dead. The few trusted friends I told any of this to laughed with me. Even though I lost resolve at one point and got sucked into the RIC vortex for a while, I was keeping secrets of my own and I think this prevented me from fully investing in RIC bs or in FW’s unicorn act.
I would recommend this as a strategy to reduce some of the lingering effects of PTSD and “captor bonding”: deliberately lace something funny into the trauma as it’s happening. If there’s no risk of blow back, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Yes! “This desire for justice IS devouring” at first. Then, with no contact and some time, it becomes obvious that the cheaters will get what they deserve— themselves! And that means shallow, drama-filled interactions, scamming for new victims, a wake of broken-hearted children and ex-spouse, no warm and mutually respected history with anyone. No positive legacy. Repulsive people make disgusting messes of their lives. Nothing I’d ever want.
“…a wake of broken-hearted children and ex-spouse, no warm and mutually respected history with anyone. No positive legacy. Repulsive people make disgusting messes of their lives. ”
This is what I have seen with my FW. Whether or not he’s “happy” doesn’t matter. He knows he lost his kids (with his EXW, not me) and he lost me, he also lost his reputation and his hometown. He left to another town to be with the newest victim and lost all his connection to where he grew up and all the people he knew here. His siblings haven’t connected with his fiance-du-jour. I believe he just monkey-branched to her family as his new family. No shared history – he’s the outsider. He burned so many bridges.
I’m just about 2 years from D-day and I truly found meh. No contact, plus not having to see him around town, have really helped get there. If I saw him now – I don’t think I would be triggered at all. I would be happy to ignore him.
Sadly, narcissists don’t like people that know them well. I’m sure he’s more than happy to leave everyone behind who knows what a horrible person he is so he can pretend to have character and substance with a new circle of people that don’t know him at all. People who know what a creep he is are no longer of use to him.
So true and so well stated Motherchumper.
Their own actions will give them the life they deserve to live. It’s all superficial and may appear on the surface, enviable and wonderful, but a closer look reveals there is no real intimacy and bonding, no deep connection or trust. They are surrounded by easily replaceable people and they have caused so many deep fractures with people who loved them that cannot be fixed.
They think they control the universe, they are finding out how untrue that is.
I would not ever want to trade places with him, even if I live the rest of my life without a partner. There is no chance of a ‘happily ever after’ ending to that hot mess of fuckedupedness.
I hope he gets what he deserves. I think sometimes about it all. 36 years when I filed. Fiancé 33 years younger, younger than all 3 adult children. They both use drugs. It’s still astounds me what he has done. My daughter (37) ran into a high school friend, he said how’s your Dad? Everyone loved him, he used to be a respected healthcare professional. She says IDK haven’t talked to him in over 3 years. You know he can never share any good memories, 70s music, pictures in front of her. His own family no longer speaks to him. Such a mess
3 years post divorce, 2 d-days (the first time I found them in the act in the backseat of his truck) and thousands of dollars blown on reconciliation therapy.
Lola you’re exactly right, you can get over it day by day but the things I did in anger while hurt has taken longer to resolve. Like some/most of the things I did in response caused me the most damage and as you rightly point out; it gave me more “work to do.”
By the way, as a guy who was devastated by a cheating wife, this blog and chumplady’s book has been heaven sent. It has helped me walk through some of my darkest days.
I think it’s OK to be angry and let people know about it. I’m a just over two years post discovery day. A mutual friend invited me to her 50 birthday get-away celebration in Austin. She let me know that she was inviting my ex. I simply told her i wasn’t happy with my ex for what she had done and continues to do, and i didn’t want to be a distraction.
But, yeah, can’t cross lines and do things that will come back and bite you in the butt and / or give you more work to do.
‘A mutual friend invited me to her 50 birthday get-away celebration in Austin. She let me know that she was inviting my ex.”
She’ s not your ‘friend’. By inviting your cheating ex, she’s letting you know she’s OK with abuse, lies, and scumbag behaviour. Says volumes about her character.
yeah. it’s good to fantasize, though.
i fantasized about creating flyers and paying someone to paper the office building my X works in. he’s a VP of a large oil and gas company, and he was having an affair with his subordinate, whom he subsequently promoted to director. that would’ve felt great.
but he’s a paper mache man: glue and newsprint exterior, hollow interior. if he was a pinata you know the candy stuffed inside would be cheap.
I was dumped for a younger subordinate; I had a strong fantasy of spraying her car with the C word. He literally swapped our family out for her family… same number of kids and gender. My anger towards mate poachers just about equals my anger towards FW’s.
I’ll never know if people at his company even know the truth, he is quite brilliant at impression management (and with covid and working from home). I really wanted their colleagues to know…..although I know no one really cares, and some fake BS would have been spun about what was wrong with me to justify his betrayal.
I had that fantasy too- papering both his office and the neighbourhood his whore lives in. I mentioned it to FW, which made him very easy to deal with on the financial stuff. ????
Yes, the flyer fantasy… I wanted to print up flyers and send them to all of OWs neighbors. Can you imagine?
“Brent, what is that letter about?”
“There is no return address but it has a picture of our neighbor Susan on it and it says that she fucks her married coworkers, damn”
“Isnt she engaged to that high end jeweler? she is wearing a huge diamond”
“Well, I guess she has someone on the side- oh !!! Look, there she goes in her Beemer…it says, ‘I fuck married men” on her car….wow, she pissed someone off”
but alas, I never did it.
What I DID do recently (lining up for you all to hit me with wet noodles) is I googled her for sick curiosity and clicked a link before I realized it was her Linked In profile and people who pay the fee can see who looked at her profile….damn…I may have outed myself on that one. She may not pay the money and she likely wouldn’t know my new last name, so Im probs safe.
OHFFS, I love how they act like the shit they do is not a big deal and the Chump deserved it, and Chumps should just calm down and get over it… Until someone important is about to find out & suddenly FWs are pissing themselves.
Totally, DFLD. I live by the rule that I don’t do anything I’d be ashamed for my loved ones to know about. Any action has to be shitty if you would be mortified for people to find out, so why do it? FWs lack that kind of insight and have almost no self awareness.
Shame is supposed to prevent us from being shitty, but with cheaters it only motivates them to try to hide their behavior. Smh.
The ex nearly double over when I told him the well known grocery store manager was upset when I told him (manager got tears in his eyes). The ex says “you told Jerry!” Geez. You dumped your family but God forbid the Publix manager knows what you’ve become….
Reminds of when FW got so upset after Dday when my friend (who FW also knew casually) snubbed him at the grocery store. FW complained to me that my friend had no reason or right to do that. Delusional much?
There’s a Friday Challenge. What’s the cheater piñata full of?
Great one.
Hmm…a cheater pinata, let’s see: How about individual tootsie rolls to represent the little turds they are, those round hard button candies that are peeled from a strip of paper to represent the mysterious STD bumps on their diseased dicks, “Red Hots” to represent their lying (“Liar, Liar, pants on fire”), Charms “Blow Pop” lollipops to represent the suckers they become when the OW dumps them and cleans out their bank account, and finally “Candy Corn,” because they’re filled with carnauba wax and artificial coloring and they’re voted the “least wanted” candy each year at Halloween. PS – the pinata should in the shape of a donkey. A real ass.
And Skittles? Something presented as sweet and harmless that apparently builds up in your system and mutates your genes? Oh, and that also explodes in a frenzy of defensive press releases and junk science when exposed. https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2022-07-18/skittles-unfit-for-human-consumption-lawsuit-claims
Definitely lots of mini bottles and used condoms
I can just picture Viagra falling out & everyone yelling “eeeeeww” while running away.
Poisson. Insecticide. Mabey some odor eaters?
If you break it open you find that it is empty. Their lives are just carefully crafted shells.
The piñata is empty, but the sides are lined with mirrors.
Guano
that list would be long, CL. #gah
I would suggest a short list; dumpster juice and sh*t in equal measure. Which is why it’s best not to beat the “Cheater Pinata”!
LFTT
Oooh, paper mache man. I LOVE that metaphor. Pretty on the outside (but mostly made of trash) and hollow on the inside. Just like the x. Just like all the cheaters out there.
I received a very good piece of advice from my solicitor in the early days of me divorcing Ex-Mrs LFTT; it was to never do or say anything (particularly when it came to sending letters, emails and texts etc) that I would feel uncomfortable explaining to either a Judge or my Mother in Law.
I had plenty of justification for putting Ex-Mrs LFTT “on blast” for any number of the stunts that she pulled – some of which predated D-Day by over a decade – but I’m glad that I didn’t. I kept everything civil and professional and always asked myself the question “If I do this, is it likely to rebound on me or be used against me?” It ensured that, when we came to Court, I came across as sane, rational and balanced, whereas Ex-Mrs LFTT – when judged by both her actions and what she communicated to the Judge through her legal team – was clearly only marginally acquainted with reality.
As Mr CL says; if it feels good, don’t do it …. and he’s right.
LFTT
Ive been in that place and wanted to spray paint SOOOOOOO badly…
Susan of Seattle was an industry rep for a corporation and was assigned to sell widgets to the Federal Gove with Cheater being the purchasing agent. They met on work trips at conference where widget sales were the goal but they made their own goals.
Right about the time of DDay, there was a conference of sorts nearby. I wanted to sneak in and spray paint her booth with “Susan of Seattle fucks Federal customers” or some such. It would have been on Federal land with armed guards and such and I imagined ways of skirting them long enough to do my crime.
In the end, I recognized that I was a person who never got away with shit and I would get caught and it would confirm his “BatshitCrazyWife” narrative.
I had a lesser fantasy about spray paint and her BMW but it was 3000 miles away.
In the end, it’s true “If it feels good, dont do it”. Do, however, share your nonviolent fantasy here and let us admire your cleverness but that is as far as it goes.
Yes, the spray painted car fantasy. I imagined everyone leaving work and standing beside her car staring at the large
C word – or maybe I was going to spray paint ‘Slut’. I just know it was a short word so that I could get out of there fast!
I’m not a c word sort of gal… my spray paint fantasy were the words “I fuck married men” across her car
That’s even better 🙂
I wanted to walk into the bank where the slut was an officer and complain loudly about her sleeping with a corporate customer. I restrained myself, but the desire was strong.
OW’s nightmare narcissist mother posted a photo of OW in uniform handing things out to children in a developing country, with a glowing little paragraph about what an amazing hero she is. That was followed by a bunch of enthusiastic admirers saying she was so amazing, so pretty, blah blah gag. Truth is she emotionally abused her husband, her live-in mom took primary care of her kids while she was out heroing/whoring AND when she was home, and she had a reputation before my FW ever came around. Basically, of course she was amazingly shiny. She did whatever the fuck she wanted and everyone enabled her.
It was SO HARD not to log into FW’s Facebook and leave just one more admiring comment on the photo, “She gives the best undue flattery and almost-as-good head, doesn’t make you wear a condom, and will heart all the Facebook pictures of your kids as long as you make sure your wife isn’t in them. No STD’s yet, 4 stars, would recommend!”
Your admiring comment…so funny. My OW ex-friend also does whatever the fuck she wants and everyone seems to enable her (she also hearted all of my STBX pics on social media, except for the couple that included me – I only realized this after the affair was discovered). She’s a hometown girl, her parents are leaders in the community, her extended family and childhood friends live in town. She gets what she wants, incl – it seems – all our mutual friends. I have never been so mixed up in such a fucked-up dynamic in all my life.
I wanted to comment on the glowing reviews on ex as a chiropractor. “He cares so much, he’s helped me, his staff is so great”, blah, blah. Everyone quit but the howorker. Practice ran into the ground and sold. Only value after 36 years was in the building
Sandyfeet, that was a double-decker karma bus for sure!!
OW wrote a novel. I read it (from the library – I wasn’t about to give her any money). It was terrible. Just terrible. I still want to leave a scathing anonymous review. It has 4 1/2 stars on Amazon because all the reviewers are her friends and family. The second book (!) in the series was just released…
Revenge is patient. Maybe you can foment one of those viral comic review threads like Amazon customers did for sugar-free gummy bears. If you decide to do something like this (https://www.boredpanda.com/hilarious-comments-sugarfree-haribo-gummies/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic ) loop us in. 😉
Whenever ex suggests that I may not have handled his leaving me for Schmoopie with anything but the upmost Grace (ok, I did yell at him, rather loudly, a handful of times), I have a strong desire to respond with “I didn’t spray paint ‘Slut’ on her garage door, nobody’s tires got slashed, and your balls are still intact. I think I handled it all pretty darn well!” I don’t actually dare say any of that, however, lest it be taken as a threat.
Chumpinrecovery, ????. FW would act like the greatest injustice was being done to him, for example if I didn’t want him in my bed or told the marriage counselor that I still didn’t trust him. It never had the intended effect of making me feel bad for him, just amazed at the audacity. Like, “Sir, if you knew even a fraction of the restraint I am exercising right now, you would not DARE to whine about something so petty.”
But, alas, you can’t threaten them…
I DID slash some tires.
Found his car in her neighborhood and, oops, my pointed screwdriver must have slipped into his tires.
Don’t care what anyone says. It felt pretty good.
My tires got slashed by the 33 years younger howorker, he totally didn’t believe she did it. I carry our grandchildren in that car. I filed a police report and sent him the officer name. I couldn’t prove it was her but it never happened again. WTF, she had her prize, he used to say she was crazy….how’s that working out?
Once I found out about her lengthy arrest records from my attorney (assault and battery on an elderly man, B/E with assault, felony drug charges) I told Him she was crazy and he said he liked her crazy. He used her to harass me for years and alienate his kids. She was his ticket to erase his family and play the victim.
While his car was in my driveway (prior to throwing him out) I used eyeliner to write a few choice words on the dash, her seat and passenger door handle. Regretting it I scrubbed it off. Months later baking in the sun with top down the words reappeared. She was furious.
I’m wondering if she felt scorned after finding out he had to pay his own credit cards, wasn’t the one to file, didn’t get my pension, and gets peanuts for SS?
Haha
I also kept turning off his Easy Pass. I had the password.
He was continually paying fines and turning it back on until about 6 months in he must have figured out what was going on and changed the password.
I have zero regrets.
I kept changing password on joint account.
Hahaha!!
LOLOL. I feel this. I wanted so badly to slash FUCKFACE’s tires while they were stored here…my son told me not to do it…but man, I was googling the best ways to do it! ????
Way way before his cheating with Susan of Seattle or before any hint of cheating, I used to tell him “ if we ever decide we are incompatible, I can see us divorcing amicably, BUT… if after birthing you children, if you leave me for a younger woman, I will make you wish you were never born”.
I had totally forgotten about that, but I think he remembered and he was terrified. Good
In general I agree with the don’t do it but…I did something. I left with the kids and the dog leaving him to live in the 4000 sq ft house where he was screwing women on my premarital property bed but the alarm system was in my name solely. I might have remotely done a few “tests” of the alarm system around midnight and changed the passcode so he could not turn it off. When that alarm goes off it is loud enough to give someone a heart attack. I just love apps!
Amazing!! ????
Winner winner chicken dinner ????????????
Ah, the thing(s) you wanted to do but didn’t. And maybe the thing you did instead. There’s a Friday challenge in that one.
I may not have posted an ad or put it on social media, but I openly share it… especially at son’s school. AP’s 2 sons attend the same schools as my son. And sadly FW walked out on son and me … and son still harbors anger and has trauma over FW’s behavior and loathes AP and her sons.
So in our parent conferences I make sure teachers and administrators are aware of the issue. I share that FW left us for AP and her sons. And that (as in the case of last year), it would be prudent to move one of the boys out of a shared class (they ended up doing that) — I had discovered that one of AP’s sons was in my son’s class and my son was upset about it. It was a disaster waiting to happen for that teacher.
So every teacher and administrator looks at FW side-eyed and knows. And I can only imagine what they think of her.
This is strictly to support my son — but it’s a relief to be able to let everyone know too. AP has 3 more years there ????
I have a similar school situation. My kids – who know about the OW (she was a family friend) – are still friends with her kids. Bless them. (Bless ME!) I’ve told one of the school counselors about the situation but didn’t use OW’s name. Rethinking it now though 😉
I always stick to ‘stay classy, it makes them look like trash’ to prevent me doing anything remotely deserved towards him.
It sounds like a lot of fun, but isn’t worth bothering with because ideas like that serve a far more useful purpose as an inducement to get them to give you what you want in the divorce.
Then once you get it, the desire will probably go away because your revenge is their greatly reduced lifestyle. It’s hard to keep a schmoopie if you can’t afford to spoil them with fancy vacations, expensive evenings out, new cars, etc. FW doesn’t have enough money to attract the kind of selfish bitch that would have no problem with his cheating past and him losing the love of his children as a result.
Since all his friends and relatives know, it’s not like he can hide it from any future partners.
The schmoopie he wanted to dump me for felt he didn’t make enough money for her to leave her more prosperous husband, which is the reason he couldn’t leave with her, and that was when he had much more money at his disposal than he does now. Users who like to “steal” husbands and don’t care that they are cheaters/abusers are often doing it to get a better financial future and they are high maintenance. So good luck to FW out there.
Leaving them broke and alone is the best revenge there is!
I think that the end of Cheater and Susan of Seattle was her doing the math and realizing her actual fiancé (that she was cheating on when she fucked cheater) would provide her a better standard of living. After a divorce, cheater would have been painfully middle-class with a lot of bills.
Unless, like me, the OW has had the same salary as my ex for years, except with no kids or spouse.
I live a very lovely life on his salary and they live on hers…along with the $ that couldn’t be accounted for.
True. The X is living on his SS now, just getting by. No more rock concerts, and boozy parties for him! My FW made decent money over the decades with me, but what his last OW was after, was our family lifestyle. Scary stuff. She wanted the home I had built with him over 32 years. She tried to engage with my three sons, and one of them was very flattered for a while. The others just despised her, and he eventually saw the light, too. When I left him, she lost interest after about six months. All the attractive aspects of his life- beautiful home, gourmet meals, happy sons, were all put together by me. Sorry SLUT, it wasn’t him!
Same here. I kept everything ticking over and while he made decent money I made more AND he was terrible with money so their wonderful lifestyle then became financed on credit – with all the usual consequences. Latest gf thought she was retiring at 50 and posted about it on FB. Three years later she’s back at work and will have to stay that way because he’s STILL terrible with money!
I’ve seen a lot about OWs being after money, but I think this is the first mention I’ve seen about OW being after a particular family lifestyle. The part you wrote about wanting the home you had built, and her engaging your children… Someone said something similar to me three years ago – that they thought my ex-friend OW was envious of my seemingly stable marriage with a man who seemed to love me well, listen well, was more easygoing than her own husband. She liked our marital dynamic – was unhappy with hers – and decided to try and usurp me. I’ll never actually know what motivated her, but it’s bewildering to me that 1) she actually pursued my STBX 2) he accepted – so much for that stable marriage – and 3) she makes it out with our church/friends/invites to parties/affirming posts on social media/a new job. Truly a mindfuck.
Same here ????????????????????????… AP who was living like a child in daddy’s basement, thought she’d get the lifestyle I worked for since she was in elementary school— big beautiful home filled with my children and friends, lovely gardens, abundance of neighbors who socialized frequently with dinners and outings— WRONG! …..in the ensuing 8 years since Dday and divorce, I’ve re-partnered and rebuilt my awesome family life with the addition of my two bonus children, a big family home with my fiancé, we bought a ski boat, take fun family trips, cook Sunday dinners and everyone gathers and laughs and enjoys one another. XH’s home is filled with trash and empty booze bottles and marijuana smoke, drunken rages and hatred. There’s no heart in that home. I heard AP is trying to seduce her married boss who has almost the same boating lifestyle my fiancé and I have (we are neighbors).
Sickening, both of them— XH and AP.
Ditto
“All the attractive aspects of his life- beautiful home, gourmet meals, happy sons, were all put together by me. Sorry SLUT, it wasn’t him!”
Same!
Wow! same here too. And even I was surprised in the post D-Day year to slowly uncover the fact that all of that was me! I created the warm, beautiful home and meals and love and respect and community involvement. He was always on the sidelines soaking up anything he could claim.
And from the small bits of info I get, shmoopie only lives in new homes with a lifestyle to match. He’s so stupid!
Oh, I get it. And a piece of me gives Jenny a standing ovation. I still want to warn other innocent women of the lying POS XH#2 is. That man-child gave me a serious STD, though he claimed to be “clean” when we met. Oh, he was FAR from it. When I came home with the herpes diagnosis, his response, I kid you not, was “I didn’t think it was fair that I should have it, and you not.”
Yeah, marriage over.
This was back in the ’80s, before I could have filed assault charges on him knowingly spreading an STD. I suppose I should be thankful it wasn’t HIV.
I wish there was something I could’ve done for his future victims. I feel complicit in my silence.
Cheaters SHOULD be publicly shamed, IMO.
Omgggg…that is horrific…what a sociopathic scumbag! I’m so sorry, Ivy…is there a statute of limitations on filing charges?
I don’t know. I looked into it at one time, but the idea of any contact with him makes my skin crawl. I think there might be laws now, but you would have to prove that he knew he had it, and that you couldn’t have gotten it from anybody else. In a court of law, difficult if not impossible.
Ivy, I did this, sort of. When the faux wreckonciliation with the Lying Cheating Loser went up in flames, I hacked his email and socials. It yielded a veritable treasure trove of women he was fucking or grooming. I reached out to a couple of them, informed them of his STD status and inveterate duplicitous nature. To my surprise (not), they didn’t care. When you’re love bombed by a sociopath, you believe you’re special. I know I did. And when presented with evidence to the contrary, you STILL believe you’re special. And he wouldn’t do YOU like that.
Also, anything coming from the “crazy ex who’s still hung up” is automatically suspect.
You can’t save any future victims of the FW. You can only save yourself.
“I didn’t think it was fair that I should have it, and you not.” I remember reading this from you before, and thinking this is one of the cruelest people imaginable. I’m so sorry that he left you with the illness and his horrid statement. I’m sure there’s lots more, too, but that on its own was enough to kill a marriage.
I was only married to him for 3 years. His web of deceit was unlike anything I have ever witnessed. His first lie to me was when we met and he told me he was divorced with 2 kids. The 2 kids was true (and he was divorced from their mom), and was about the only honest statement he ever made. He wasn’t even separated from wife #2. I was an unknowing OW, back in the days before social media and cell phones. I was a poor grad student living on the opposite coast, so he would arrange to call me, you know, to save me the cost. What a great guy!
Piecing together his timeline was easier after I got a bit of trickle truth at the therapists, finally confirmed after a huge confrontation.
He officially separated from his wife when he moved in with me for my last semester of grad school. Again, I had NO idea. I thought he was divorced.
We actually got married before his divorce was finalized. My grandmothers were the witnesses on our license. It makes me ill to think of it. Then he talked me into going through a second “marriage ceremony” in front of his friends out in CA. He said he wanted his friend, who had just gotten some sort of online license, to have us be the first couple he married. “But we are already married!”, I said. Oh, this would just be kind of practice for his buddy. OK. Turns out, that was the REAL marriage. I was wife #3 for him. He has had at least three additional wives since we divorced.
He lied about being clean.
He lied about his investments and savings (none)
He lied about his income
He lied about STUPID STUFF. I mean, if he had an annual physical, he would tell co-workers that “they think they found something” so he could get an additional afternoon off (to meet up with hookers).
He certainly lied about his “integrity”, which he loudly proclaimed to anybody who would listen.
When I left, I planned well in advance. I squirreled away $1K, crammed as much as I could in my small car, and took off. I got an unlisted phone number and a PO Box in a major city. I was that scared of him. When I finally went back to collect my furniture, family heirlooms etc., I had a cop with me.
I still check on his whereabouts from time to time. Not pain shopping, just keeping tabs on where he might be. Sorry to say a part of me hopes I will find his obit.
OMG! That’s horrifying. I’m sorry that happened to you. Yikes. He sounds like a sociopath.
Anytime someone says anything to you or in your hearing that minimizes cheating, I would tell them that your cheating ex gave you herpes. So effective in making the point that cheating is something you don’t just “get over.”
I agree Ivy. I wouldn’t do anything illegal but I certainly did speak with everyone I knew. We didn’t have children so maybe that’s the difference. But I spoke with one of the OWs (the one who answered my call) and told her everything. He wasn’t in medical school or a captain in the army and hadn’t been left on a church doorstep by his parents and didn’t save anyone from being kidnapped. His father also did not win a million dollars! And I am shocked that your ex could say something like that. I know they are assholes and I don’t know why I continue to be shocked but that is such a cruel statement.
Notjustawife, this little bit of your story sounds like the podcast Something Was Wrong. What a sociopath liar!!
Same to ivyleague. Total sociopath!!
Fraudster committed so many frauds and was such a cheater about other things that I remain tempted to out him as the liar he is. I haven’t done it anywhere but here, and it took me a long time to feel comfortable even with that until my divorce case and property were divided, and then the second separate case for custody (Which I won in full). I was afraid he’d somehow find out and use it against me.
A year after D-Day, the medical veterans’ musical group he performed with called because he sent them a letter about his heart attack, and it clearly was not written by an MD, as he claimed to be. The organizer told me they realized he was not an MD but assumed he had either a doctorate in another field, an honorary doctorate. I was happy to clarify that it was neither, nor was he a military veteran as he claimed to them. Veterans don’t take that kind of fraud lightly.
At 50, he retired, tried other careers, then went back to his old employer and field. His former co-workers, “our” friends, served as references. He’d be fired within months, which must have reflected poorly on them for advocating for him. He claimed it was due to age, but why would they hire him in the first place? The court ordered an employment evaluation, which I had to pay for. I was stunned to hear that he said his MBA was from Dartmouth; for decades he claimed he got one from Harvard DURING our marriage, which was also suspect since he never mentioned applying, classes, homework or graduation. I checked with both Dartmouth College and Dartmouth University, and the registrars of both emailed me confirmation that he never graduated, attended or even applied. On his Linked-In page, he had replaced the Harvard MBA with a Dartmouth University MBA and the logo. I was very tempted to forward the registrars’ emails to the friends he was misusing as references. These jobs required an MBA, and he didn’t have one. He had a bachelors’ in engineering. Despite initially telling me he’d go back to work to repay the money he stole from me, he never did, so he wouldn’t have to pay any alimony.
I thought about putting up a web page with corrections including the registrars’ letters, proof he’d never won either of the two-time national music championship he claimed he earned, and some of his other lies.
I also thought about sending the FBI and bank the evidence of his bank fraud and false reports that his identity was stolen to get a credit card. I had the emails proving he applied, sent Schmoopie a credit card in her name, and told her that her friends could also use it. I had his emails telling her that when the bank got suspicious, he told them it was his daughter and to unfreeze the account. And when I discovered his cheating, he filed local and federal reports that his ID had been stolen and used to get the credit card, and he never heard of her or her friends. I’m still tempted to do that.
Can you notify LinkedIn that he doesn’t have the degrees he claims to have earned?
I would also be tempted, if I were in your position. This is about alerting people who may be deceived and/or defrauded by him.
I have custom license plates and prior to DDay, I bought one for Traitor X’s Dodge Ram hookup truck spelling out the name of our business.
After DDay, I changed the plates on my cars and threw them in the metal recycling bin. They used to be our last name with numbers 1 and 2 after it.
In my post DDay recovery, I bought the custom plate for my state which spells CHEATER. No one had it?! Imagine my joy! Not having a car to assign it to, my mechanic, who thinks Traitor X is a jerk, let me assign it to one of his race cars. When they arrived, everyone at the DMV was very curious to see who picked them up and hear the story. I gave my mechanic one of the plates and I kept the other.
It lives in the trunk of my car and is a practical joke that I enjoy in the privacy of my own mind often. It makes me laugh hysterically when I imagine the scenario of attaching them to his car in my Mrs Peel leather catsuit in the middle of the night and then waiting to see how long he’d drive around with them. He doesn’t notice the details and a lot gets by him, so it would likely be a long time. ????
Last summer, I did hang the plate on the screws and take a picture for my own enjoyment.
I have gotten way more than the 50.00 fee’s worth of private laughter and enjoyment from it, and it was well worth it.
But otherwise, my motto is to stay on the high road and keep my side of the street clean.
The cleaner my side of the street is, the dirtier theirs looks. Him and whoever he was screwing around with. Because what they did is low and grimy dirty and I want to make sure that dirt is where the attention stays.
That gave me a belly laugh Velvet Hammer ! I had a similar idea spelling out Cheater on the back bumper of his truck using clear glow in the dark glue , snicker
“…the scenario of attaching them to his car in my Mrs Peel leather catsuit in the middle of the night…” The image of this made me laugh out loud.
When struck by thoughts of vengeance, I remind myself, out loud, “Staying on the high road reinforces my position as the person wronged.”
They are desperate for and will seize on the tiniest crumb to justify what they did to you. Don’t give them a single crumb. I reallllllllly regret the one time I lost my cool and kicked a hole in the wall in his office. A first for me in my life but of course he tried to parlay that into typical behavior on my part. I so wish I could take it back. All it did was make him look like a victim and me like a loon.
Justice really is the cheater and their fuckbuddies relationship. Trust and safety along with other elements and skills are the hallmarks of healthy emotionally mature relationships and an illicit relationship lacks them all.
Watch that scene from The Sting where the con man finds he got away with a wallet full of tissues instead of the wad of cash he thinks he had.
You have lost nothing when a cheater takes off other than the mirage you thought was real, and all they get are their proven loser selves and even lower grimy companions.
https://youtu.be/BAF9OAO4TtA
I share the same sentiment … you can think it, but don’t do it. There is grace and dignity in leaving without publically regurgitating all the many reasons why, except to the safe harbor friends in your life.
Ah, Here’s the rub! It doesn’t matter one whit to the FW … how you feel, what you think, if you are hurt, etc. They are not capable of basic human empathy, especially when you were little more to them than an appliance.
Self-preservation and controlling their narrative so they can continue to obtain and endless supply of cake? Yep, that’s their ultimate goal. And to that end, anything you do or say they will utilize to that end. But when you say or do nothing, they have nothing to work with! It may not be much, but it’s really the only super-power you have under the circumstances. And it is damned amazing how that one action, or non-action if you will, brings you healing.
“Ah, Here’s the rub! It doesn’t matter one whit to the FW … how you feel, what you think, if you are hurt, etc. They are not capable of basic human empathy, especially when you were little more to them than an appliance.”
So very true. My ex regrets the loss of the services I provided, and resents me for no longer providing them, but he does not regret the loss of me, the person I am. He will never take responsibility for what he’s done, and see his situation as the just consequences of his actions. And if I were to expose all the reasons I left him, he’d just work that into his sad sausage, “I’m so hard done by” narrative.
After 35 years of being married then finding out about the Owhore , I did nothing revengeful. Doing nothing is best like you said. Didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of seeing how hurt and destroyed I was. Taking myself out of the triangle gave them nothing to laugh at.
She’s deceased now and he quickly moved into another woman’s home.
Wish I divorced him much sooner.
I was so glad fw ended up marrying whore. Now of course it doesn’t matter, but in real time I had the presence of mind and common sense to know that she would be the ultimate revenge, if there ever was to be any.
I had no idea he would be busted in rank, he would go on to cheat on her and he would get into massive debt from gambling. I still marvel at how he crashed and burned financially. I would have never suspected he would have done that.
Walking away and letting these monsters have what they want is the best revenge; I am convinced it is so, even if we don’t see it first hand.
Amen, sister.
I fantasized about revenge a lot, but in the end I just left them to it. They crashed and burned just fine without any effort on my part.
OW wanted my life. Well, she got it. I think she was probably pretty surprised when it turned out to be awful. The good parts of that life were ME. She got HIM. She got abuse, financial irresponsibility, anger, alcoholism, narcissism, the constant need to “perform” for him, insecurity, etc. Even on two incomes, and with the $30K she gave him to pay for his lawyer, they dug themselves into a financial hole they couldn’t get out of.
I kept the good parts and built a fantastic new life.
“OW wanted my life. Well, she got it. ”
That was exactly what I said to my son when he was telling me how whore ended up in poverty after fw dies. He had gambled them into bankruptcy. Just a year before he died (he was in real bad shape) he insisted on buying an expensive bit ass RV. (please note they were living in a run down trailer park. How these idiots get these loans is beyond me after bankruptcy.
Anyway my son tried with all he had to talk his dad out of it. He said dad how is whore going to be able to pay that off if you die, he said “I don’t care, I will be dead”. That is how much he cared about her. That was when I said well she wanted my life she got it. Son agreed. She had to turn the RV back to the dealer, they sold it and she is on the hook for the rest of her life to pay off the balance between what they sold it for and what was owed. I don’t know if she can file BR again or not. Last son heard she was making monthly payments.
I use to send out a more realistic year end review letter to go in with my Christmas cards instead of writing 50 or so individual letters to friends, family and colleagues. ( it contained way less of “ my child got into the best preschool in the nation!!” and more of “ our current family goals are to try and get our youngest son to survive his teens”)
I wrote one (I didn’t mail) about all the lies, infidelities and deceits he inflicted on us ( with full names of three mistresses) that I knew about and how far the much admired dad in our family unit had descended into hell and destruction.
“ You can end up in hell one step at a time”, is a quote I came across this week that def describes the journey of a FW.
( I had a lot of material too on him that could have blown up a lot of lives and careers along with his!)
I didn’t choose to mail it, I know that’s not who I am or who I want to be known as.
I just enjoyed imagining him sweat it out for a bit.( I emailed him a copy of the letter along with my send list)
Unlike the FW though, I look at consequences of my actions in life as much as possible and that letter would have hurt my kids and me way more than it would have affected someone void of any conscience or scruples.
Similar to some delicious food we might be eating, usually the better it taste, the worse it is for you. And just as Mr. CL wisely shares “ it is feels good, don’t do it”. That is solid sage advice and deeply true.
But I did enjoy the short bout of daydreaming I sent it and imagining the fall out it would have caused to that FW’s life.
I know he knows he’s a shithead, no matter how hard he tries to adjust the narrative.
I don’t need to take out a full page add to announce that to the world.
That kind of reaction will only extend my pain and those I love. Not worth it.
You know, you could have posted it here.
Well I did that one time make a Facebook & Instagram cartoon page about narcissists that had awfully similar names to the FW & AP ???? Meh. I was working shit out of my system ????????♀️
Wow, I love it. I’m guessing there was nothing they could do about it either. Is the page still up?
Oh Jenny. What I would say to my own Wasband couldn’t even begin to fit a full-page ad!
The Lying Cheating Loser was, and is, the king of shitposting and vaguebooking on his social media. It’s a nasty habit that unfortunately rubbed off on me. A handful of times, I’ve posted funny memes denigrating exes. One was a meme of his three spirit animals (lion, donkey, cheetah for “lying ass cheater”). The last one was a one-sentence post where I stated I changed his contact in my phone to “Nick Cannon.” That one pissed him off enough to actually reach out to me. He got no response, so he removed me from his socials. No big.
The reason for the Nick Cannon comparison was that he was expecting his 4th child with 3rd baby mama. The baby is almost 6 months old now and the LCL doesn’t publicly acknowledge paternity.
I don’t shitpost him anymore. I save snarky memes and have a private chuckle, but I just can’t be bothered to act on it. It’s a long and winding road to the promised land of Meh, and it looks different for each of us.
Forgot to mention that when I discovered his affair on one email account (I didn’t realize he had multiple emails AND multiple cell phones) , I printed out over 1000 pages of their emails. They show his incredible stupidity– such as believing that when she took a bus from Arizona (which is in the middle of the US) to NY, her first stop was on the northwest coast, which was the opposite direction– and a lot of evidence of him sending her $20K+ via gift cards he photographed. After D-Day, he was quick to tell our friends that I was crazy, violent, and dangerous, and to stay away from me for their own safety. When I told a few people what actually happened, a few were willing to look at the emails, which are very persuasive. This was just before Covid, or I might have shown them to more people. No regrets for doing this at all. One of the first to see was our Sunday services leader, and she has backed me ever since.
A friend assisted me to screenshot as many texts, gmails and images off of the the creep’s phone as we could, most especially the ones where he and Batshit discussed their mutual fantasies of beating and sexually assaulting me and the list of women that Batshit wanted to torture and murder with him. Even more disturbing, Batshit had also sent an image of her (clothed) adolescent daughter laying posed on a table to the creep with the revolting text, “Creating my own torture museum” (the creep saved this image alongside Batshit’s nude selfies.)
Personally I had no qualms about exposing this revolting behavior to as many people as I could. These are not safe individuals for anyone to be around and I have concerns about Batshit’s gross invasion of her daughter’s privacy and trust. Who knows what other creeps that Batshit sent her daughter’s images to?
OMFG, Ain’t It. That woman is pure, unadulterated evil. She was implying she wants to torture her daughter. Maybe she already has! I would totally expose her to everyone she knows, and report her to child welfare services as well.
Oh man, the Adelaide pub sign really makes my day. I hope the entire town is in on the sign action. Solidarity, Jenny, we hear you. Steve sucks.
If it’s Mackay in Queensland that’s a REALLY small place, if I remember right! I reckon it wouldn’t take too much work to figure out who “Steve” was! But yep, the “sorry on behalf of all the Steves” is a brilliant response!
It’s my hometown, population just over 100k
So who gives a fukk about Steve – he outted himself and that’s the truth that will set one free.
Hurt pain shock – a temporary adjustment to reality.
Freedom from a fuckwit – a glorious turn of events.
Meh is today.
I did my share of revengeful damage which actually felt good and moved me to divorce. FW and OW were “living” at our beach house which I bought and was paying for. When I knew he wouldn’t be there, I went got all the stuff I wanted, threw their sex toys away, dumped all the booze in the cupboard and refrigerator down the sink and threw all our deck furniture off the deck. He complained and I told him it is my fucking house and I’ll go there anytime I want to. I filed for divorce that week and sold that house. He moved into a trailer in The woods with an open sewer. She found a new man when she figured out I made all the money and is a leech. Yeah..not sorry!
“FW and OW were “living” at our beach house which I bought and was paying for. ”
Yup, he insisted we buy a river property, and he needed my income to qualify for the loan. This was less than a year before he walked out the door. I found out on those weekends when he was working at the river property, she and her kid were there. I was paying for their love nest.
I still don’t know what kept me from pouring gasoline on it and blowing it up. Likely the fear of blowing myself up with it or ending up in jail.
Anyway in the D he got it all including the river property, he also had to assume all the debt; which was fair because the debt was mostly shit he spent on whore and her son.
He ended up living with that pile of shit for the rest of his life, constant family fights, cheating, bankruptcy… Hard to say which one of them was the bigger pile of shit; but all in all I would say they were evenly matched.
Good for you! I would have blown up that house too except I wanted the equity. It sold for twice what I paid for it. I had to split the equity but glad he didn’t get it for his love nest which is what they both wanted so bad.They “loved” that house…so did I. Fuckers! We all lost…but I got some satisfaction.
Notjustawife wrote, “I spoke with one of the OWs (the one who answered my call) and told her everything. He wasn’t in medical school or a captain in the army and hadn’t been left on a church doorstep by his parents and didn’t save anyone from being kidnapped. His father also did not win a million dollars!”
My ex didn’t claim he was in med school, he claimed he was an MD. And that he got an MBA from two different Ivy League schools during our marriage. He too claimed he was a veteran. He didn’t make the other claims in my hearing, but I wouldn’t have known about the first two claims if I hadn’t heard other people introduce him that way.
Are these fraudsters a subset of cheaters, like the Jesus cheaters? I hadn’t heard about any others.
Makes one wonder. I found my FW’s dating app where he claimed to be a PhD in biology working for a Federal Health agency. He didn’t complete a single semester of Community College, and is unemployed.
Goodfriend- there must be something to this because my X also told me he attended Stanford on a tennis scholarship but developed tennis elbow and had to leave. I mean he played tennis well but I never saw any proof that he actually went to that school. He also lied to OW and told her that his mother had a stroke, that he saved a man from a car crash and had to do CPR, that he was a massage therapist, that he lived in a basement apartment, and that he had a step-father. Oh and he also lied about his name to her. So none of these things are true. I don’t even understand the point of these lies.
Acts of revenge and untangling the lies are two things best considered but left undone. You can’t get in trouble for what you think, at least so far, if you don’t put it in print or tell other people who might “report the news.” I am guilty of thinking about both, and unfortunately spending some time untangling. Neither gave me any real satisfaction, nor helped me to achieve meh.
Being the type of person that cheaters are is the worst thing that happens to them. Their own actions keep them in failure mode. They constantly try to hurt others, and they do, but it never works out like they think it will. They never have enough, no matter what they have. They are never satisfied.
“They never have enough, no matter what they have. They are never satisfied.” Sounds like the husband I am divorcing. How sad for him, for all of cheaters. To never be content. What a miserable way to be in the world.
Just give them enough rope and they’ll hang themselves without any help at all from you. If destruction of the marriage, a broken family and all the related fall-out of those poor choices don’t help them connect the dots, they’re sure to keep at it until the consequences become greater than their ability to manage. Why get into the ring with them while they self-destruct? They need no help at all self-combusting. Step aside and let them grow up on someone else’s time and dime.
Besides, Chumps have plenty of recovery and rebuilding to do, and we don’t need to be caught up in a Cheater’s drama and chaos.
“Why get into the ring with them while they self-destruct? ”
Yep, and it is so much more satisfying (I assume) when they do it to themselves. I had quite a nice pep to my walk when I read in the local paper ass hat had been busted and returned to patrolman. The admin couched it as reorganizing, but everyone knew. And he knew everyone knew. I wish I had run in to him so I could say, sucks to be you. But of course I wouldn’t have said anything.
I did allow myself to imagine when he went home that night and said well whore I got busted today. Wonder if they both blamed me. ????
I have to admit that I have been tempted to do something like this but then thought that he is not worth the time or effort. I just finished putting my efforts into my new cheater free home. It is a work in progress but it is my work in progress and a place where my adult son can come home to (he is NC with FW). Allowing the FW to have anything like this that he can see just provides him with a kibble supply and my intent is to never let him have any kibble from me. Like many FWs e would just thrive on any type of attention. Nope, sorry, not happening. Get your kibble from another source FW.
I’ve seen something similar before and it turned out to be an ad campaign (what it was for, I don’t recall). But I have to admit, I’ve thought of doing something of that nature in the past and was only stopped by my lack of funds.
I was so tempted to spay paint her van, or slash her tires. Didn’t. But did get the satisfaction of seeing her van at the mechanics after she had loaned it to the x. He said he would deal with the oil change. Know what happens when cars engine does not have oil in them? They seize up. And become undrivable. He was such an asshat.
Ha ha, FW did exactly the same thing to his pride and joy car. Couldn’t even be bothered to check the oil, the engine died and he had to have a new one put in!
Mmmm, my favorite topic in all of CN — EXPOSURE. I agree that IIFGDDI is generally wise counsel. I spent time myself sorting out a workaround to the reasons why that is wise counsel, which has a lot to do with a) consequences to the chump, b) effort spent versus benefit gained and c) impacts on a chump’s mental health. For me I thought it quite possible to deal with these downsides if the outcome i) delivered a social good (vs. committing a crime), and the task of doing so could be ii) delegated (anonymously sub-contracted and paid) and iii) automated (one time set up, exposure forever, no maintenance work).
The solution was a dedicated website that warned future possible stakeholders such as dating matches and prospective employers. The domain name was selected to contain the subject’s name (and a certain STD they have in perpetuity) and to be easily optimizable for search engines. A simple image, a few key bullet points about the subject’s character, and links to their social media accounts made their way to a web developer (on another continent) to throw up a basic site that was registered in one country (where plaintiff lawsuits are nearly impossible) and hosted in another (a top free speech country). The search engine settings were optimized to show the site as the number 1 ranked organic result based on a search of the subject’s name (with no modifiers or quotation marks). All of that cost less than $100.
Prior to the project going live a consult with a top tier defamation attorney was undertaken to iron out any legal risk (the offshore registry made this nearly impossible already — the only real risk remaining was if the subject put 2 and 2 together and tried to make allegations in a suit filed domestically). The take away (this is not legal advice) was that truth is a 100% defense to a libel claim, so if the info published is verifiable the suit would be frivolous.
With that green light the site went live. So far, apparently employment and dating have become extremely difficult for the subject. The site has been up for quite a while.
This solution was architected in an afternoon. The countries for url registration and hosting selected after a quick google search yielded a solid research paper on the topic. The attorney meeting scheduled for another day shortly thereafter. The image taken off the internet and the bullet points drafted in minutes. It didn’t need a lot of work. They wrote the story of their character all by themselves, all that was needed was a quick statement of the truth. There is zero energy spent on it now, and yet, it continues serving its purpose.
And it’s so absurd it’s good for a laugh every now and then. Otherwise it’s out of sight, out of mind. The party obsessed about it is the subject, who lost their job, went completely dark on social media and relocated.
Eh. I chose to stay high and dry while he sloshed around in the mud below. His little cheater arms couldn’t punch up high enough to reach me. ???? That’s not to say he doesn’t try. But why help him? Cheaters would love nothing more than to have an easier target to hit.
Do fill a journal with ads and whatever the hell you need to write that you’ll never send. Share shit with trusted friends and family–the ones who have the good sense to commiserate, tell you the cheater sucks, and then advise you to NOT send or publish.
Stay classy, chumps!!
I did overshare with some people. Strangers were the best sometimes (thank you to the two twenty-something year olds at Blue Mercury who spent an inordinate amount of time fussing with my face when I told them x had cheated on me for almost 3 years. They said helpful things like, “No he didn’t!!!” and “Just like Beyonce!” and “You’re beautiful.” lol). My self-esteem was in the crapper. I felt discarded and gross. So it was so nice of these women to give me this boost.
I also shared with some people I was friends with but not on a level where that kind of sharing might have been fully appropriate. With them, I wanted/needed to get my version of events out there. And I guess I wanted to tarnish his image.
But, you know, he tarnished it himself. When honorable people/friends heard of the affair–which he seemed to brag about–they wanted nothing to do with him.
Also, I just heard that x’s niece (on HIS side of the family) will invite me but not him to her wedding. Can’t imagine how enraged he’ll be when he discovers this. He will truly lose his shit.
Vulnerable narc cheaters have poor life skills and manage to destroy relationships on their own. No help from us is needed. Grab the???? or just shrug. That’s meh, I guess.
I just divorced a Steve who is a exhibitionist narcissist delusional compulsive gambler Jesus cheater. Must be something about that name. But my name is not Jenny. Thanks for the reminder, CL, to remain classy. I do feel tempted to shout to the world, however, especially all extended friends and family—to whom he told all sorts of lies about me to justify his misconduct—the vivid details of Steve’s financial and marital infidelity! But no need to lower to the standards of the liars and cheaters. Staying off of social media has been a good choice for me.
You wrestle in the mud with pigs and you get dirty. That keeps me remembering not to do the thing that makes me feel good!
Don’t forget to add “and the pig likes it!”
What I wanted to do, but didn’t: HIV+ in black spray paint down the side of his white mid-life crisis sports car/
What I did do: went to the local smoke shop, pulled out every single the gay porn magazine, fished out the little card in the middle that says “sign me up for a subscription” and checked the “bill me later” box. He’s straight, but it felt righteous. 😀
Yes, the hurt is indeed overehelming. I fantasized to do so many things such as contacting his VP at his work as she likes me very much, and tell her about the two ruthless employees in their company. I wanted to tell everyone we know how heartless he is despite the perfect mask he is hiding behind. I wanted to make it known in a full-page ad that we are not a couple anymore because of his cheating, empty soul, as he still pretends to many people that we are together. They deserve it all. But CL was right, if it feels good don’t do it. I always kept it in mind.
I always struggled with the word acceptance. I don’t think I like that word. I don’t think I can ever accept that he ruined a beautiful relationship for feeling entitled for more. Instead I accepted that I can live a full life without a liar, without someone who shows no respect for me.
“I don’t think I can ever accept that he ruined a beautiful relationship for feeling entitled for more.” Agreed.
My ex, the wannabe Picasso liked to impose his taste on me with supposedly valuable gifts in styles and colors I made it abundantly clear I disliked, and unimpressive works of his own devising. He liked to consider his taste to be avant-garde, which may have been true when he was in grad school, but was tragically unhip in middle age. I sold off whatever had any real value and spent it on books and good dinners, but I reserved a special fate for the last artwork he foisted on me when I was leaving. He insisted it would be valuable someday because it was the only piece he’d ever done in that medium. As if. I gave it to an unhoused gentleman (with some cash in consideration) to recycle as scrap. In the end, that’s all his promises and delusions of grandeur were worth
chump lady is right, i think if this was the USA they would have charged the wife. the ow is with u ex, thats u revenge
This was originally in the USA on a billboard. Look it up. This person just copied the joke. No originality at all.
I understand the rage. But revenge isn’t the way to go. Dump him and move on with your life!
I quite like this ad!
It’s anonymous enough
to prevent a legal mess
similar to Depp v Heard case.
It’s accurate enough
to express betrayed people
in general; Jenny in particular.
It’s extraordinary enough
to alert cheaters, in general
(in a cautionary-tale way);
to warn Steve, in particular.
Public Exposure is powerful.
IF it’s True + Legal …
Ad is clever & edgy blend.
This was obviously a copycat joke. Someone did this once on a billboard (google it). This person just thought it was funny and recreated the joke.