I have been reading your blog since my breakup five years ago. It has helped me so much to get out of the fog of gaslighting and see reality. Along the way, there have been a lot of epiphanies, many of them coming from fellow chumps’ comments. I thought a fun Friday Challenge would be to list some of the ah-ha revelations from reading Chump Nation comments. Here are some of mine:
- Words With Friends can be used as a messaging app. My ex never had an interest in games, so when he started religiously playing Words With Friends every night, it was odd. I didn’t think much about it, even though he would often giggle and say how amusing the woman he was playing against was. He claimed she was a stranger who he happened to play against every day.
- Manscaping goes hand-in-hand with cheating. Suddenly shaving off body hair in the nether regions and being reluctant to show me was a huge red flag that I didn’t see.
- Vaginal infections can be caused by cheating. From day one I had issues with infections after being intimate with him. I never had them previously and didn’t have them when he was away for long periods for work. My Ob-Gyn said that in some rare cases you can be allergic to your spouse so that must be the cause! I wish someone had clued me in to the more obvious explanation: he was a cheater.
Thank you, Chump Lady and Chump Nation! I appreciate all of the hard-won wisdom of this blog.
Excellent challenge idea! And here we are.
Peer support is essential going through the shitshow of infidelity. One of the great benefits of archiving this site, is you can read through the bazillions of comments and go, “Wow. I am not alone. This cheater is not original.”
I’d open up the challenge too, beyond signs of cheating, to any other helpful nuggets you got from CN. I know some of you highlight things and keep entire notebooks.
I’m still learning too, and it’s one of the great joys of this supportive community — the collective wisdom.
So, CN, what did you learn from your fellow chumps?