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UBT: Dr. Keith Ablow “Infidelity Is a Lousy Reason to End a Marriage”

Universal Bullshit Translator
The Universal Bullshit Translator

Back in 2016, the Universal Bullshit Translator parsed some RIC nonsense from Dr. Keith Ablow — a popular therapist commentator on Fox News. I’m rerunning it today and at the end, you can read an update about what happened to ol’ Dr. Keith, sent in by an alert reader. Who doesn’t enjoy a shot of schadenfreude on a Tuesday? 

****

Dr. Keith Ablow, Fox New psychiatrist, where have you been all my life? You’re Universal Bullshit Translator GOLD.

Today’s UBT fodder is this wacky defense of serial cheating, “Infidelity is a lousy reason to end a marriage.” But that’s not all his crazy! He called Michelle Obama fat! And then told the women newscasters who gave him the “don’t go there” stare  that they could all stand to lose a few pounds too. (Ms. Obama could crush his misogynistic pudding-head with one of her chiseled biceps, but whatever…)

He also thought Newt Gingrich’s serial cheating and three marriages made him more qualified to run for president.

“When three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, I worry more about whether we’ll be clamoring for a third Gingrich term, not whether we’ll want to let him go after one.”

Yes, politics aside, what really matters with our candidates is their fuckability. (So why aren’t you after Newt’s body-fat ratio, huh?)

Has that whetted your whistle for more bullshit, chumps? Because Ablow really delivers. Without further ado, the UBT:

In Beyonce’s one-hour visual album, “Lemonade,” which aired on HBO over the weekend and then was released for streaming on Tidal, the singer explores the theme of infidelity – a topic many theorize is autobiographical, given rumors of infidelity on the part of her husband, Jay Z.

If autobiographical, Beyonce would be telegraphing that, while she has stayed with her husband to date, future infidelity might not be tolerated. “You know I give you life, if you try this s—t again you’re gonna lose your wife,” she sings.

Why she’s tolerating the current infidelity is a mystery to the UBT. But yeah, imagine the chutzpah of a beautiful, talented, financially independent woman threatening to leave a cheater. Who does she think she is? Beyonce?

Maybe. But here’s the truth, from more than 20 years of practicing psychiatry: Marriages are more resilient than the lyrics of Beyonce’s album would suggest. Not infrequently, they survive repeated episodes of infidelity.

To the left, to the left, everything you own in the box to the left… so we can stay together in seething misery.

Here’s why: Marriages are made of much more than sex. The ones that last any real length of time are, in fact, stories that include richly textured early chapters, the momentum of tens of thousands of shared, mundane, everyday experiences, triangulated interpersonal connections with dozens or hundreds of people and the hope for shared joy and transcendence in the future.

Marriages with cheaters are made of much more than sex. There’s the richly textured gaslighting, the shared, mundane sexually transmitted diseases, and the momentum of tens of thousands of lies.

Why leave when there are triangulated interpersonal connections with dozens or hundreds of people you meet on Craigslist, or rest stop glory holes, or Facebook? Wouldn’t you like to share the joy and hope of transcendence that is reconciling with a cheater?

Given those profound ingredients,

Did I mention the Back Page hookups?

I believe that a spouse having sex with another partner is always — in and of itself — an irrational reason to bust up a marriage.

Did you have to paternity test your children? That’s such an irrational reason to break up! Silly goose!

After all, over time, sexual energy generally becomes one of the least reliable measures of the strength of a couple’s union.

That’s why it’s so important to indulge your ever-diminishing sexual energy on meaningless fuckfests.

That energy dissipates in a tortured, yet treasured, haze of shared laundry baskets, watching one another floss in the morning, listening to one another being petty and seeing one another being frightened and self-indulgent.

Laundry and flossing, Keith. You make it sound so sexy.

Does it really make sense to rip up the evolving tapestry of such a relationship only because a spouse has had intercourse with someone else? I don’t think so — ever.

It was ONLY intercourse! Did I have to lie to you a thousand times or spend money or risk your health to fuck other people? NO! That never happens!

Would you really RIP the EVOLVING TAPESTRY over THAT?

I mean, really, people need to get their priorities in order.

I mean, really, we should roll Esther Perel, Keith Ablow and every other cheater apologist into a giant, evolving tapestry — think of it as Satan’s burrito — and drop them in the nearest harbor.

Oh no, hang on, that was the UBT indulging in a daydream there. You know the UBT’s abilities to indulge in gruesome revenge fantasies are dissipating. Please don’t hold tortured, yet treasured thoughts of Keith Ablow slowly suffocating to death in a tapestry burrito against the UBT. Get your priorities in order. It was just a death wish.

I’m not without an ego, but I can tell you that after more than 20 years of my own marriage, I fully expect my wife to find decent-looking waiters distracting. And if one of them were distracting to the extreme, to the point of her having a tryst, I would hope never to learn of it.

Until I noticed one day that my son looks an awful lot like a decent-looking waiter of my acquaintance.

(Really? You’d fuck a WAITER? When you have the awesomeness of my PhD-ed, bald, fat self here? REALLY?)

But I certainly wouldn’t abandon her if I did learn of it. She and I have far bigger things to worry about — like the fact that we cherish having our son and daughter in bedrooms down the hall from ours, and the fact that we need to keep track of our ailing beagle’s medicines,

I would never divorce my wife for cuckolding me. There’s a SICK BEAGLE to worry about! Seriously, do you know how much those medicated ear drops cost?

and the fact that we still remember dicey moments from a nearly catastrophic year we lived through together, and the fact that we remember one time when we were really young and didn’t have a ton of money, but we adopted this dying cat who collapsed on our doorstep and cost us plenty of dough to keep alive.

She can’t divorce me for fucking around — HOW COULD SHE DO THAT TO SNOWBALL?!!

That’s the stuff of attachment —

Casually fucking other people? That’s the stuff of attachment too.

not the certainty that each spouse’s sexual passion has forever and will forever reside only in their marital union.

Just because I promise that “certainty” in front of all my friends and family, made a legally binding union with my wife, doesn’t mean it’s forever, kids!

The secret therapeutic weapon I deploy to keep together couples

I’m not in the least bit disturbed that I’m using weapon imagery to discuss keeping marriages together.

No, tell us Keith, what is your secret therapeutic weapon?

A 12-gage shotgun? An Esther Perel TED talk? Napalm?

who swear that infidelity has caused an irreparable rift goes like this. I will ask an aggrieved husband (for the purposes of this example), “So, given that you have learned your wife has had a lover, you are leaving her, for sure?”

“For sure,” such a man will often tell me.

Poor, benighted man with the self-respect there. Get over yourself!

“And, so,” I go on, “should your wife be stricken with cancer, you are fully prepared to have her boyfriend — not you — take her to the hospital for chemotherapy. Is that right? Maybe she’ll give you a call when the fatigue and nausea and horror of it all subside. Maybe.”

If your cheating wife gets cancer, can you have that on YOUR conscience? It’s YOUR JOB to care for her! You promised! Hey, just because she promised not to fuck other people doesn’t make YOUR promises null and void.

You think some fancy-ass waiter knows how to dress bandages or drive to cancer centers? Yeah, I don’t think so.

Occasionally, such a man will answer in the affirmative. He’s perfectly OK with that scenario. But far more often, such a man’s shoulders will slump with the unpredictable weight of life’s twists and turns and tragedies, and he will say, haltingly, “Well … no … I would not feel comfortable with that. I would want … I would need to be the person taking her for her treatment.”

Chump!

God, I love those conscience things you people have. I don’t have one, but it sure is useful to mindfuck you with yours.

“Well, then,” I will advise him, “you’re in a real jam. Because it seems that you love an imperfect person and that you really aren’t ready to leave her. Do you know what that makes you, and her, by the way?”

“No.”

“Human,” I say. “Welcome to the club.”

Chumps are super loving, all forgiving, and must nurse cheaters through cancer. Cheaters are merely occasionally “imperfect.” But what with sick beagles and flossing and all, you’re together. In this Human Club.

Okay, only one of you is actually in the Human Club. The other one is rolled up in a tapestry of fuckwits. But hey, stay together. Because sick beagles. By the way, you’re fat.

You’re welcome!

****

And now…. a quack update!

On May 15, 2019, the Massachusetts Board of Registration in Medicine indefinitely suspended Ablow’s medical license, concluding he posed an “immediate and serious threat to the public health, safety and welfare.” New York state has also suspended Ablow’s medical license in that state.

On February 21, 2019, the Boston Globe reported that Ablow had been accused by multiple patients and employees of sexual assault and harassment; three malpractice lawsuits by former patients allege physical and verbal abuse, and three former employees filed affidavits claiming threatening and abusive behavior. The lawsuits were settled out-of-court in the summer of 2019.

The New York Times ran a story in December 2019, What It Took for a Fox News Psychiatrist to Lose His License. Excerpt:

Monique came to believe that Dr. Ablow had not only failed to help her; he left her more damaged than she already was. For his part, Dr. Ablow would maintain that whatever boundaries she thought he violated — the frequent texts and emails, the intimate revelations about his own life — were in the service of her treatment, well within the standard of sound psychiatric care.

As Monique would discover, it would take years — and several other patients coming forward with their own stories of manipulation — for Dr. Ablow’s transgressions to be taken seriously.

But I think my favorite defrocked Dr. Ablow update is from The Salem News in New Hampshire.

A New Hampshire woman who says she was treated by Dr. Keith Ablow for nearly a decade has now filed a malpractice lawsuit against the former Newburyport psychiatrist.

The Londonderry, New Hampshire, resident alleges that during the course of her treatment by Ablow, he engaged in numerous boundary violations, including those of a sexual nature.

She also alleges that after his medical license was suspended, Ablow asked her to become a pastor in a church he wanted to start.

Because we need more Jesus cheaters…. sweet Mother of God…

But don’t fret, CN. Just because Keith isn’t a doctor any longer, doesn’t mean he still can’t help you, or feel you up in the hallway, or whatever.

He’s now a life coach.

No one can remove your qualifications if you don’t have any!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Well he is quite clearly a slimeball of the first magnitude isn’t he? I was intrigued by his hypothetical question about “what is your wife gets ill …. are you prepared to have her boyfriend take her to hospital?”

    Just after our divorce was finalised Ex-Mrs LFTT was admitted to hospital for a routine back operation which led to complications and an extended stay in the hospital and then a period of recovery in hew new home thereafter. She tried to harangue me into coming over (a 90 minute one way drive) a couple of times a week to assist her with cooking and cleaning etc, because none of her friends were helping her out. When I told her that I was no longer her husband and that she should be reaching out to her AP boyfriend instead, she went apesh*t. Regardless of the fact that I was holding down a full time job and had custody of our 3 children, she was adamant that she was entitled to my undivided sympathy and attention. In her words, the fact that I was unwilling to cater to her demands for assistance “marked me out as an abusive bully and that everyone would see me for who I really was.” It would have been funny if it hadn’t been so pathetic; she just couldn’t – or wouldn’t – see that when you ditch someone in the way she ditched the kids and I then you don’t get to demand that they come running when your new fantasy life doesn’t quite work out as planned.

    So, to answer Dr Slimeball’s question, I’d say “absof*ckinglutely …. She chose AP, so AP gets to drive her to hospital and everything that goes with it … including wiping her ar*e when she can’t quite reach it because her stiches are pulling.”

    LFTT

    • Couldn’t.

      That’s part of why it’s so so sad for the kids of The Entitled … I believe they are genuinely incapable of seeing anything in any different way than the version they’ve constructed – which runs along charm/rage/self-pity channels. And sadly mostly lands back at: I’m Amazing, I can share (and monetise) my amazingness thru LIFE COACHING!! (Or equivalent re-invention).

      There’s a fundamental bottom line of: I can beagle floss with the Ordinary Humans, but come on!! It’s clear I’m superior. I can start a church! I can Life Coach! I can roam the entire smorgasbord of false equivalencies (once long ago kept sick cat alive = I can do as and fuck who I please bc shared experience ATTACHMENT!!!)

      I can word salad my way out of any consequence … no wait, what?! Suspending my what?? That’s absurd!

      Never mind. There are swathes of people out there who will take charisma and eloquence as a sign of wisdom and authenticity. Old life? Old wife? Old family? It’s a bit of a shame but … new horizons! Ive Moved On!!

    • I wonder if that’s because APs often represent the quasi-psychopathic parent whose love and attention FWs could never rely on and for whom FWs learned to project spotless, sparkly images– or else.

      FW in my situation didn’t want the AP to know he had to take Viagra. During “full disclosure,” he admitted he never once shit in the toilet at the AP’s dumpy pad. When his liver blew up during the affair from constant binge drinking with the AP, he pretended the visible swelling on his left side was a mysterious hernia and wouldn’t get it checked. It was obvious that his attempt to maintain a magical image of someone who doesn’t age, have a GI tract or get ill expressed FW’s perception that the AP’s attention was completely conditional, much like his toxic mummy. My ex-MIL had threatened to reject FW when, as a kid, he reported he’d been sexually abused by a family friend the same way she later rejected our middle child who developed a chronic condition as a toddler. It became clear that the AP’s mommy-scented conditionality was the big draw, certainly not looks, brains, charm or basic empathy. So of course any future nursing, bedpan-changing or recovery from gory hair restoration was meant to be left to me. Nein danke.

      Then of course when I rejected FW, in his mind it replayed his rejection by toxic mommy and he went ape. But in a weird way I think that’s what he’d been engineering all along.

      • Omg! My stbx fw had the same story about the hernia and wouldn’t do anything about it! He also claims he doesn’t age due to intermittent fasting, and regularly called me fat at five nine and 130 pounds!

        • Their narc goggles make partners too fat, too thin, to this, too that. It’s all arbitrary. But you can see how dangerous their delusions are even to themselves. All the intermittent fasting in the world won’t ward off liver disease from.binge drinking.

    • The guy even *sounds* like a narcissist, even before you get to the update. His writing is so bloated! “Tortured, yet treasured” is the same ridiculous prose my ex would’ve written. It’s all hype, no depth – or as they say in Texas, all hat, no cattle.

  • I just peeked at his website. He offers coaching through infidelity. The poor chumps that that will fall into this spider’s web…. 🙁

  • His existence argues the point that icky people are icky…its not like they can cordon off icky into one toxic area. He gave us all some tells with the body shaming of people he had no place to be commenting about.

    I imagine that there are good life coaches out there but it is also a gathering ground for nutballs.

  • I noticed Keith has put on a few pounds himself since he lost his professional license, his teaching career and his job at Fox.
    Just curious, after the discovery of his indiscretions, is he still married?

    • Brit, he has the gaslighting honed into a fine art, so I’d wager he is, though I hope she’s left his sorry ass.

  • Gads! I feel nauseous after reading that. People go to doctors for help, not for the doctors to take a helping for themselves. Absolutely disgusting.

  • In further reading, I see he wrote 16 books and the first book title I saw was
    ‘ Psychopath’. I guess that was his autobiography.

  • The asshole that beat me, threw me around the house, threw me into windows/walls, verbally/mentally abused me, and tried to choke the life out of me….was also a “Life Coach”, Jesus Cheating, and certifiable BPD narcissistic fucktwit! If someone has a sparkly past and now is a Life Coach – RUN!!!!!!

  • #Sometimes … Your “Name” says a lot about you!!

    https.”Keith | A | Blow”.com

    Does this mean “He” gets to “Blow? …

    Or “He” gets “Blown”? …

  • His website says he strives to be available 24/7 and offers this:
    “Does Dr. Ablow offer a retreat-like setting for more intensive, focused work with him?
    Yes. Hiatus1, a cottage adjacent to Dr. Ablow’s offices in Newburyport, MA, is available to those who want to spend a dedicated weekend, week or month focusing with Keith on regaining their wellbeing or reaching new levels of energy, hope, motivation and happiness. Visit http://www.hiatus1.com for more information.”
    This is a man who was accused of sexually abusing his patients.

    • The container — in other words, the boundaries — in which a person has therapy is absolutely integral to therapeutic success. Sessions are for one hour. Sessions take place in the office. Sessions start and end on time, etc. All of this creates safety for the client, and an ability to focus. That’s therapy 101.

      Continuing the therapy outside of this container — over email, text, a knock on the door — is a very bad sign.

  • You ever noticed how common is it for people to compare not putting up with abuse and disrespect to abandoning a sick, bedridden person? It’s a common bit of abuse apologia I’ve seen used in many scenarios besides cheating.

    Jfc, people. A sick person is someone who is suffering through no fault of their own and lacks the power in that dynamic. An abusive person is someone who may pretend to be suffering, but in actuality is benefiting from the suffering of others through their own deliberate choices, and is the one wielding unjust power in the dynamic. Typical DARVO shit.

    • Oh hell yes, Reenie. When I told my own mother the FW was a sick, abusive bastard she shot back accusingly “Oh, so he’s SICK!”
      Now, clearly it was a figure of speech and I hadn’t meant it that way, but she seized on it as a way to make me look like I was abandoning somebody with an illness.

      “A sick person is someone who is suffering through no fault of their own and lacks the power in that dynamic”

      Exactly. Cheaters can choose to stop fuckwitting if they want to. A sick person can’t choose to not be ill. You can choose treatment, if it’s available, but whether or not it works is beyond your control.

        • Thank you Weedfree. So do you!

          I have one daughter, one of my brothers and my niece on my side. The rest of my siblings and one of my daughters are playing Swiss. Not coincidentally, the Swiss ones are the family members who are the most selfish and have the least personal integrity. The pro-OHFFS ones have the most character, integrity and compassion. I’m okay with not seeing the Swiss ones, but the sad part is I don’t get to see my grandkids.

  • I laughed! After learning Chump ways, the audacity becomes more hilarious as it gets more distance from my new life. It was such a trap to stay and hope he’d get better because he was, sometimes, and then he’d undermine me again. I never said out loud or even entered in a diary when I wondered if he was cheating on me with men. I since heard that men only care about other men in this bro-social world so hating women is no barrier to using women’s lives up to service them in the name of love and marriage. What use is fidelity in that world? I believe fidelity is essential to trust.

  • He’s playing the victim card in his Pain to Power podcast “Keeping Big Tech and the State from Stealing Your Soul”. It’s really unfair when people capture your words and hold you accountable. He’s another nut that Oprah gave a platform.

  • His question about wanting to be the person who cares for your spouse through cancer is odd, considering how many cheaters step out when their partners have cancer, high-risk pregnancies, family illnesses, etc. Whether they’re running away from responsibility, or just use their partners’ preoccupation with other priorities doesn’t matter. They absent themselves when they’re needed most.

    LFTT, your ex was unbelievably entitled. You were divorced, had custody of three kids and worked full time, yet she expected you to make a three-hour round trip a few times a week to cook and clean for her? And called you abusive when you wouldn’t? Unbelievable.

    The first time Fraudster had surgery, during separation, he asked his friends to let me know. I stayed NC. The second time he had his friends call, asking me to “support him,” then had his nurse call. I told her I was divorcing him because he abused me in multiple ways. He left a voice mail promising to help me with “everything” if only I’d come help him. Yes, he wanted a nurse with a purse. I stayed NC, and he used his recuperation to craft an illustrated list demanding my pre-marital and personal property as part of the settlement.

    • Even odder: his hero Newt Gingrich has always been dogged by the story (he’s never denied) about visiting his cancer-stricken wife in the hospital while she was recovering from surgery and discussing their upcoming divorce. Because he’d been cheating on her.

        • His second wife Cindy Lou/Poo Hensley is the product of a marriage that started out as an affair. Cindy’s father made millions as a beer distributor and when he died, she took the majority of his wealth. The “New Yorker” did a piece on her. What a piece of work.

  • Anyone who thinks cheating isn’t a big deal and shouldn’t be cause for divorce is absolutely cheating. I would bet nearly every comment from the original post in 2016 was filled with people predicting this exact scenario eventually coming to light.

    I just googled him and he’s possibly the source of the Hunter Biden laptop story. Because of course.

    Also I don’t want to be judge a book by it’s cover or participate in “looks shaming” or whatever, but he looks exactly how I expected him to look. It’s uncanny.

    And now he’s a life coach. Because when I’m choosing a life coach, I’m absolutely looking for someone that has been thoroughly disgraced. But hey, grifters gotta grift.

    I hope his wife becomes a serial cheater.

    • The only people I ever physically objectify are cheaters and abusers, otherwise I’m never catty. I don’t join gossip about people’s appearances and correct my kids if they veer in that direction. But after D-Day I told a preeminent trauma specialist how bloaty FW and the AP had become from all the binge drinking and carby bistro grub purchased courtesy of family assets. She covered a laugh and said, “All that poundage rolling around on the bed, geez.”

      Maybe it’s not particularly healthy but I figure the life-extending properties of laughter balance it out a bit. That said, Ablow looks like an overstuffed bratwurst in a button-down.

    • My ex used to say to me that he would leave me and take the kids and I’d never see any of them again if I ever cheated on him. Meanwhile, I now know, he was cheating on me. I think cheaters just say ANYTHING to throw you off the scent.

  • More on Ablow:
    “Ablow, who was once a commentator for Fox News and regularly made appearances on prominent TV programs, had his medical license suspended because he allegedly had sex with multiple patients, diverted controlled substances from patients, procured his license renewal fraudulently, and displayed and pointed a firearm on multiple occasions in a manner that scared an employee.

    “Three women who accused Ablow of sexual misconduct last year settled lawsuits against him for undisclosed sums. They alleged that Ablow lured them into degrading and humiliating sexual relationships while he was their psychiatrist.

    “He began to hit me when we engaged in sexual activities,” one woman wrote in an affidavit. She said Ablow would tell her “I own you” or “you are my slave.”
    https://commonwealthmagazine.org/health-care/ablow-continues-counseling-despite-license-suspension/

      • Maybe the victims couldn’t get authorities to support criminal charges. It’s typical. Massachusetts in particular has been criticized for not having a victim loophole for felony wiretapping charges which makes it difficult for dv and other victims of intimate violence to meet the “beyond reasonable doubt” burden of proof in criminal court since victims can’t tape phone calls, confessions or ongoing assaults without the consent of the offender. Civil suits require a lower burden– “preponderance of evidence.”

      • Because it’s tough to get taken seriously by the justice system. I went to the police after my uncle attacked me, and the cop who took my story flat out accused me of lying.

        • The third time I went to my local police to report Fuckwit’s behavior I took my mother as a witness. Previously, the reports that recorded my visits were watered down and missing key details, even the report taken by a female officer. This last time, my mother watched over the cop’s shoulder as he was taking notes and questioned him on the thoroughness of his writing. That resulting report was almost as if I wrote it. It was accurate and detailed, and presenting Fuckwit as the abusive nutbag he really is. It would be a godsend when I had to deal with court and the IRS in the following months.

  • This story is even more frightening then the articles. The women who he treated had to go back to the board multiple times to get his license taken away. He had sexual relations with his patients. Multiple patients. If you know about therapy that is actually considered rape. I am familiar with this because of an experience with our Marriage counselor who also had multiple sexual relationships with her patients. Our family was least affected by our marriage counselor, unfortunately other families were devastated and ruined in a horrific way. Imagine going to marriage counseling for help and the counselor had an affair with your husband? You paid for that. In our case the board has done absolutely nothing either, even though she had 3 complaints. Oh yes let’s not forget, she’s a life coach also. For me it’s like knowing the banker in town is stealing everyone’s money and no one will listen. This makes me so sad. That man is an absolute psychopath and it’s terrifying. Unfortunately it’s all to easy to be manipulated by a professional.

  • Like I repeatedly say, especially to those therapist shopping for the first time: The fact that a person is a therapist doesn’t mean the person is a good therapist.

    We are customers as much as patients, and they are digging around in our hearts and brains. It is reasonable, appropriate, and even critically important for us to take our business elsewhere if a therapist isn’t a good fit, whether for that period of time or generally.

    If what the therapist is telling you doesn’t ring true, trust your gut. People tend to specialize in their own core areas of issue, and that person may still have work to do. A therapist is an advisor with special training, not a magical sage with all the answers.

    Don’t give them more power over you than YOU have over you, and don’t keep going if they seem bonkers. If the fit is bad, move on.

    And, IMHO, we should NEVER accept advice from any person, therapist or not, who suggests that things we learn, as small children, are inappropriate ways to treat others have somehow magically become appropriate when we are adults. Physically abusing, lying, sneaking around, damaging things, name calling, bullying, stealing, etc. are abusive. Sexual infidelity is physically abusive, deceptive, and bullying at a bare minimum. Therapists should range from neutral to negative about us tolerating such abuse, not encouraging us to accept it.

    Therapists who don’t have our best interest at heart need to lose their licenses and go to human school for some kindergarten level re-training.

    • “The fact that a person is a therapist doesn’t mean the person is a good therapist.”
      Or a good person.
      I agree with your other comments, too.

    • “NEVER accept advice from any person, therapist or not, who suggests that things we learn, as small children, are inappropriate ways to treat others have somehow magically become appropriate when we are adults. Physically abusing, lying, sneaking around, damaging things, name calling, bullying, stealing, etc. are abusive. Sexual infidelity is physically abusive, deceptive, and bullying at a bare minimum.”
      True and simple!

    • Wish I’d understood this years ago. Instead, I put 100% faith in a therapist, took her advice to heart, and made some of the biggest mistakes of my life, while telling myself she was right and my internal alert systems were faulty.

      • Same for me. What I sat thru makes me sick to this day. I left my career it 22 years on her advice to help my marriage. She sat on the couch in between my husband and I. After my mother very tragically died, she had no openings for me but saw my husband twice a week. I had no idea what was happening.

          • God if only someone would. Her MO is that she’s just so beautiful and smart that she just can’t help it all her clients fall for her. Just a bunch of jealous wives and girlfriends. I dream of blowdarting her tires when she parks on our side for book club. She doesn’t have to park on our side by the way. Just one day I hope she loses her license, but for now I must sit and watch as she continues. I feel so bad for the women Ablow abused. He should be in prison.

  • This is the synopsis on his ‘autobiography’ Psychopath:

    12 bodies, 12 states. What no one knows is that the “Highway Killer” is also a gifted psychiatrist who lures his victims into a false sense of security with his miraculous ability to understand their darkest emotional secrets. He is their confessor, but he is also their executioner. When the killer writes to The New York Times, challenging famed forensic psychiatrist Frank Clevenger to heal him through an exchange of open letters on the front page, he opens his diabolical mind to the one man with the courage to cure him-or die trying…

    And ppl will go see him in his little cottage for life coaching?!? 😳
    So scary, too bad we can’t save everyone.

  • What an odd question about cancer treatments. Don’t divorce your cheating spouse because someday they might need help and you won’t provide it?

    My ex ended up in the hospital a few months after our divorce and sent me selfies with his hospital gown gaping across his chest. I said I hoped he felt better and to let me know if we needed to adjust our daughter’s custody schedule. Why would I be sad I wasn’t helping him at the hospital?

  • Honestly, what exactly does Fox News have on their job ads?! Must be morally repugnant? Have no boundaries? Willing to insult, peddle bull crap & dodge the truth at all costs? No credentials (or dodgy ones) acceptable?

  • Why do so many f*cked-up people become “Life Coaches”? I personally know three. Do they tell people, “Don’t do what I did!” From what I can tell, nobody is beating a path to their door.

  • Common sense and being in a good mentally healthy place tells you that he’s full of bull. The problem is we come to these assholes distraught and devastated. We want to believe there is some good in all this pain. They are worse than the cheaters.

  • I was more than happy to hand the job of nursemaid to FW over to OW. FW was ALWAYS sick with something. He would milk any illness or injury for all it was worth, just to have people wait on him hand and foot and defer to him (and to get pain meds). When *I* was sick or injured? He didn’t do a damn thing for me. He took me in for a surgery and just…dropped me off. Didn’t stay. Didn’t bother to even ask how severe it was or what kind of care I would need. When I was sick, he’d tell me I was gross and not to come near him because he didn’t want to catch it. When I was so ill I nearly died and had to stop working for a few months, on doctor’s orders, he made me feel like garbage, telling me every day how much he resented having to “carry” the family and provide for us, telling me I was useless and worse (a “ball and chain around my ankle” was just one choice phrase he liked to repeat). He called me lazy. He didn’t lift a finger to help with the housework (which I wasn’t supposed to be doing).

    Yeah, I would be TOTALLY fine with someone else taking him to the hospital and nursing him back to health.

    But SHE left him too, and he had no one to take care of him. Poor baby. (Not.)

    • Oh, I feel your pain. My FW was always happy to run out and fill my anti-pain prescriptions after surgery, but only because he knew I wasn’t going to take them, so he could trade them for sex.

    • Oh my, another one of us who appears to have been married to the same FW! Mine hated it too when I was ill, would never offer to help at all, and in fact would leave the house saying “I can’t bear to be around sick people!” In spite of the fact that I was the main income earner he would also keep saying what an “anchor drag” I was. But I was the one who lost 225lbs of anchor dragging me down, the day the divorce became final!

  • BWA HA HA HA! “Satan’s burrito…” I laughed so suddenly and hard that hot coffee shot out my nose.

    One day there will be a class action lawsuit against the RIC, every chump will win a nickel, but the RIC will be done. How I long for that day!

    In reading Ablow’s words about the waiter, I felt like he was pre-excusing himself for dalliances with waitress(es) and tempting others. I don’t believe for one moment he would be there for his wife, cancer-stricken or not, if she was boinking waiters behind his back, used dental floss and needy beagles notwithstanding. That’s not how these guys roll.

    • Actual quote describing his “art” —
      “In his Rx NFT series he uses NFTs to prescribe NFTs to cure virtual patients of virtual illnesses. Already likened to MC Escher’s ‘Drawing Hands,’ Ablow’s Rx NFT series addresses the razor sharp moment mankind finds itself bleeding into: the transmutation of the physical into the virtual.”

      • Wow. “Already likened to M.C. Escher’s ‘Drawing Hands'” by who? Ablow? There is no NFT prescription that can relieve the dull-razor moment of being an unlicensed, transparent money-grubber.

        I do love that he’s reduced to NFT prescriptions, though. His artist statement ought to say, “These are much like the prescriptions I would write if I hadn’t lost my license.”

        • I’m sure he reviews his work under other names.

          He had only one comment on one of the books he had written.
          She was so happy about his new book being available she ordered three copies. She was so excited and couldn’t wait for her books to arrive!

          Why would anyone buy three copies of a book you hadn’t read?

    • Oooh! Oooh!

      Among my favorites are “Hurt. Heal. Repeat.” And “Stop outlawing written prescriptions”.

      Both of these are solid inspirational nuggets worthy of your wall.

      OR- you can get them in ceramic form and use them as dishes!

      Grandiosity knows no bounds.

  • So this quack set up the narrative…”if my wife cheated with a good looking waiter I would just hope I wouldn’t hear about it but would never dream of divorce if I did as there is too much at stake (I’m paraphrasing)” because he was in fact cheating and if caught his wife would keep with his theme. Unbelievable…hope his wife dumped his ass.

  • “should your wife be stricken with cancer, you are fully prepared to have her boyfriend — not you — take her to the hospital for chemotherapy. Is that right? Maybe she’ll give you a call when the fatigue and nausea and horror of it all subside. Maybe.”

    I’m perfectly fine with any one of my wasband’s pay-to-play fuckbuddies escorting him to the hospital. They’re also welcome to pick up his wet towels off the floor, come to think of it. They might want to take a look in the fridge to see whether anything has been hanging around in there since the Bush administration (41, not 43). I know for a fact he has never cleaned out the lint trap in the dryer, so maybe they might want to check that out, too. Given another decade or two of living single, he might actually begin to remember which day of the week the trash is supposed to be taken out to the curb, but for now it’s early, so he’ll definitely need a hand with that. The dust bunnies under the bed, by now, are Yeti-size, but it doesn’t matter because he’s not due to empty out the vacuum cleaner until 2026 at the very earliest.

    Maybe he’ll give me a call when all that is done. Maybe. And, maybe I’ll let it go to voicemail, and delete it without listening.

    • If your wasband doesn’t clean out his lint trap, maybe he’ll start a fire. Hope his home isn’t an apartment in a building with others.

    • Walk, were we married to the same guy? I also hope my ex husband has someone who will ensure he gets up for work because he can’t wake up, I think it’s okay if someone else makes his coffee, reminds him to mow the lawns over and over and over, and enjoys blanching his broccoli lightly because, you know, he doesn’t like it over cooked. Maybe I’ll miss out on doing his laundry and helping him get organized for work because he’s incapable. Gee I feel so bad that someone else gets to do all that instead of me.

  • Wait. So the Mass Board of Medicine broke up with Ablow over just a wee bit of sex with patients, despite the rich relationship they’ve had for all those years?? Dues! CMEs! How unfair!! The Board needs to get it’s priorities straight. lol

  • This confirms that those who point their fingers at others have three fingers pointing back at themselves.

    I had a warning with my ex’s family because they perpetually dissected other people’s lives and gossiped. Getting up from the living room or table and doing the dishes or hanging out with the kids became a habit of mine when we were visiting. My now-ex didn’t see it as an issue at all.

    Then I became the target during our second separation. His narrative was the only truth, and they were unable to look deep and see how they were enabling and driving the wedge deeper between my then-husband and me. Several months after I took reconciliation off the table, I stopped interacting with them as well. My therapist of course noted the toxic family system.

    As we often say in the recovery community, step out of denial and live in reality, dude.

  • Another reminder about the value of loyalty:

    Queen Elizabeth II’s former piper, Scott Methven, has revealed that Her late Majesty refused to replace him when he had to take time away from his duties to look after his wife, who had terminal cancer.

    Pipe Major Scott Methven said the Queen was asked if they should find a replacement for him, to which he said she replied: “No we will not replace him. We have one piper, he’s not leaving.

    “He’s at home looking after his dying wife, he’s got a place to go when the worst happens.”

  • I noticed he said if his wife cheated he would “hope never to find out” which to me is indirectly suggesting he might actually leave if he found out. In other words, he’s a predatory fuckwit with double standards. Rules for me but not for thee…so typical. I’m glad he lost his medical license.

  • A bit off topic. Today (twenty one months after my divorce and on a Tuesday) I received donation-soliciting, preprinted address labels with my resumed maiden name. All I felt was relief and appreciation.

  • It’s more than just harassment or exploitation and Ablow should be facing more than merely civil charges. He reportedly likes to beat up women. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-JLptUuhK4

    No wonder he chose one of those insular little Stephen King towns to practice in. I’ve heard about it because there’s a nationally recognized domestic violence resource center in those parts but apparently local authorities balk at investigating anything that hurts real estate.

    • Oh, check it out. Ablow rents out his rationalization machine. Ablow acted as expert witness in the “insanity” defense of kidnapper, convicted murderer and imposter Christian Gerhartsreiter who infamously went under the name Clark Rockefeller and pretended to be part of that dynasty. https://www.seacoastonline.com/story/news/2009/06/04/rockefeller-defense-rests-more/51973239007/ Gerhartsrieter was later implicated in the 28 year old unsolved disappearance of a California couple and convicted of the murder of the husband, Jonathan Sohus. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/apr/11/john-sohus-murder-fake-rockerfeller The body of the wife was never found.

      Ablow was previously an expert witness for the defense of a wife killer and other murderers. Apparently he understands them because he was a victim too! https://www.bostonmagazine.com/2007/01/22/got-problems-cant-fix-them-its-mom-and-dads-fault/

      ‘ It’s clear Ablow fully subscribes to the brand of psychology he hypes. Long ago, he figured out it was his parents who screwed him up. “There’s an explanation for every single thing that people do, and every way they feel,” he says. “I believe it like a general believes that he can take a hill.” In his personal life, that belief lets Ablow justify his own actions, gives him a sort of get-out-of-jail-free card for crimes of self-indulgence. It’s also part of what makes him an in-demand expert witness. Since 1996 he’s provided mitigating insights into the minds of such high-profile local killers as Joseph Druce, who strangled Worcester priest (and convicted sex offender) John Geoghan, and Edward Donahue, the Reading stay-at-home dad who killed his wife, Elaine. “I can talk to juries,” Ablow says. “I can say, ‘I see why this person may seem like a monster to you—look at what he’s done—but let’s consider the truths. At seven, this person’s dad made him run into a tree again and again until he lost consciousness. Was he a killer back then? Or did his father destroy him? Because that’s what it feels like to me.’”

      Growing up in Marblehead, Ablow was tormented by bullies—followed home, called names (“wimp” is the only one he can seem to recall, but he thanks me for asking). The bullying is something he mentions often, and it’s evident, despite having been through therapy himself, the man is not over it. Or else it’s proved a handy vehicle for earning viewer empathy—I’ve been picked on, too!—while over at Dr. Phil, McGraw is increasingly criticized for being arrogant and a bit mean. Not surprisingly, Ablow blames his parents, who “disempowered” him. “I was coddled and overprotected in a way that prevented me from becoming substantial,” he says. “My mother was so intent on keeping me safe that I had never been tested. That was something the bullies knew.”’

  • LOL funny how they all become “life coaches” when all else fails 🤣 Reminds me never to seek a life coach…or at least fully look into their background before I engage their services.

    • He wouldn’t be the first disgraced professional operating as one, too. I know two ex-psychologists who are now operating as life coaches after losing their licenses.

    • This reminds me of one of my favorite shows “Mom” where the older mom who is an absolute lunatic mess, becomes a life coach.

      Honestly, I am so glad I couldn’t afford counseling in real time. God knows how much it would have messed me up even further. I know there are good therapists, but dang by the time you figure out they are horrible the damage is done, and you are in worse shape than when you started.

  • I read the title, Infidelity Is a Lousy Reason to End a Marriage, and thought I couldn’t agree more. I thought of it as a kind of double entendre.

  • He’s now a LIFE COACH!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA

    Yeah, as I have said a million times, I have my opinion of “life coaches.” They are messed up people who created a profession based on their personal failures and they want to help YOU, too! LOL

  • Oh my fucking God. Could this asshole be a king of fuckwits? No. I don’t want to give this asshole anything to get excited about. What piece-of-shit worm.

    It’s so scary when you realize that this guy, like so many other fuckwits/cheaters, was once considered a respected person, a “pillar of the community.” In this case, in the psychiatric profession, where he could mindfuck people (his poor fucking patients mainly) for years w/almost total impunity.

    Now he wants to start his own church? Fuck that! I hope this is the start of a very sad end to his life, and that no one else suffers but him. I think what he said about his wife and waiters was him projecting his shitty character on her. I hope to hell she isn’t like her sad excuse for a husband.

  • Candace Bushnell (Sex and the City writer) went to a sex club back in the day for research. She said the men there reminded her of her therapist-white,fat and bald. Eek ! Describes Ablow physically.

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