This is “TooManyTears” writing to you.
I have a Friday Challenge idea in response to Caught Him Cheating on the Doggy Cam. There were so many great responses and insights from CN. This one, from, “I can see the light” really sparked a lot of journal entries for me:
“Yeah, it sucks. It sucks to see someone waltz in and take the life you worked so hard for. But I realized that I was the one who had made our life good, and I could do that again, without FW. “
I proceeded to write a list of what the Mate Poacher thought she was getting — and what in fact she got.
It was very therapeutic, to say the least. That led to what my life actually was with X. And what it is now.
I thought maybe this would be a good challenge.
That very same night of that column, I had a moment that exemplified these thoughts… My boyfriend (hard to write at 64…lol) was asleep and I was moving books and papers off his nightstand — and I picked up his phone to set it aside, and I had this flashback — Of my old life!
How I would lay awake at night until I heard the snores of my X, and then I would literally crawl on the floor to the other side of the bed, get his phone, hide in the closet and try and find anything of what my life really was. Ugh! Heart pounding and adrenaline surging!
When I moved boyfriends phone the other night, I was moved to tears remembering my old self, and how now, I had no compulsion to look at his phone.
It was truly a moment. Trust. Is. Amazing.
That led me to think that at that very moment, Mate Poacher was most likely crawling across her bedroom floor with X’s phone in hand….
What she thought she was getting… and what she actually got!
Here’s my list of what she thought she was getting:
Charming, soulful, uninhibited, outgoing, good listener, easy going, gregarious, good employee (they are co- workers) strong, good looking, home owner, great hobbies, solid.
What she got:
A liar, a cheater, a closet alcoholic (hence the charming outgoing gregarious image…)
A drug user, a black hole of unhappiness, a dysfunctional set of in – laws, a weak man, someone she will need to make excuses for, to monitor, to snoop on, and eventually she will be called controlling because she will have to handle everything, due to all of the above.
I had the hobbies, (he leeched off mine) I owned the home, (with a tight pre nup,) his job is iffy now, he has serious debt, and his good looks have faded.
And…she got an unfaithful man.
Wow! Do I feel better! Her? I’m guessing not so much.
Thank you Chump Lady.
Your Friday Challenge wish is my command. So, CN — what did Schmoopie think they were getting? (You might have to indulge in some skein untangling…) Versus: What did they actually get?