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The ‘Side Chik’ — Krystal Hamburger’s Moronic Ad Campaign

Yum, yum. Sloppy seconds.

The Krystal hamburger chain (that’s Krystal with a K, the stripper spelling…) launched a new junk food last October — the “Side Chik” with the tagline: We don’t want to be your main chick, we just want to be your Side Chik.

Because that’s what the public wants in a sandwich. Low expectations.

Anyway, I’m a bit late to this breaking development in crass marketing. Probably because I don’t live near a Krystal franchise and prefer my sandwiches unsullied.

An alert chump sent me a picture of this billboard in Nashville where professional side chick Brittany Renner is promoting the… uh, brand.

Yeah, I had to Google too, as I’m not well-versed in celebrity Instagram influencers. Renner’s claim to fame appears to be sleeping with many professional athletes. That is, when she’s not shilling chicken slider sandwiches. Oh Brittany, please make better life choices.

I sense that Brittany’s conflicted about it. I mean, look at her frozen, insincere smile.

That face says, eww. And “I don’t care if you get diabetes. I get paid either way.”

I wonder if it’s the same glaze-of-whatever she gives her paramours as they natter on about their tendonitis or children.

Anyway, infidelity is hilarious. It sells sandwiches! Perhaps Krystal got some flak because it came up next with this wink-wink-nudge-nudge meta take on the Side Chik. Watch as rapper Charlemagne gaslights office drudge (and humorless chump stand-in) Jake, who thinks they’re talking about mistresses. “Aren’t you married?” Jake asks.

Nice touch, Jake is wearing a formless sweater while eating a communion wafer.

No sandwich for you, chump!

I think Krystal could use some help with its ad campaign for the Side Chik. And who knows chicken and twatwaffles better than CN? Let’s give them some new taglines!

The special sauce is chlamdyia.

I like my herpes extra crispy.

Small sandwiches for small dicks.

Your turn.

Ask Chump Lady

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  • I remember seeing that add and thinking what the hell Krystal. But, I have not had a Krystal in ten or more years.

    Pick up a Side Chik today, cheap and easy.

  • I’ll just point out that Brittany Renner’s public Instagram profile shows a picture of her with Andrew Tate ….. who I understand prefers Romanian pizza with a side order or two of misogyny.

    😉

    LFTT

  • Side Chiks, they’ve been hanging out in your pantry for 7 years just waiting for you. mmmmm.
    You thought you were getting a REAL burger??!!- Nah-these are just extra because you think you deserve it (you don’t)
    Appearances MAY BE DECEIVING (seem better than other burgers, but turns out just “simpler”)
    Shriveled sausage between two OLD, crusty buns
    Lump of fat with two distrusting rolls

  • Krystal Side Chik: Your life’s absurd, bad for everyone, low quality, and very slimy, so your sandwich should be too.

  • Not marketing at square, bearded, middle-aged white guys in bad jumpers who are not hip to the kids’ lingo, then. I feel slighted, I tell you; slighted 🙂

    • To the farmer’s market with you oh bearded guy in bad jumper! You’re only allowed to eat locally grown endives and free-range duck eggs with artisan picante.

      • Would that be healthy? (I’m not sure what an endive is, but it certainly sounds pretty hipster. I think you might be drawing the wrong conclusions about my beard, which is more ‘Uncle Albert’). Anyway, can’t be worse than mechanically-recovered ‘chicken’ I guess!

  • Krystal Side Chik –
    Corporate profit over common decency.

    Krystal Side Chik –
    Looks like your daughter.

    Hee, hee this is fun.

  • Get your tasty Side Chik ( limited time offer or until your wife gladly dumps your sorry ass to the curb)

    We will put your Side Chik in a brown paper bag, because that’s where trash belongs.

    Side Chiks from Krystal’s are here.
    Buy one and get the second for its true value………literally nothing at all.

  • I live in Georgia where Krystal is everywhere. They’re about the nastiest fast food “burgers” on the planet. The kind of place you get burgers when it’s late, nothing else is open, and you’re too drunk to care about what it tastes like or if it gives you the shits; like Waffle House, only it’s crappy burgers made of lips and assholes. As offensive as the ad campaign is, well, I wasn’t planning on going anyway. Actually, it’s the perfect burger for cheaters; people with no standards. Remember the CL post about the kind of people who go on honeymoons to casinos in Oklahoma? This is the burger for those people.

    • The casino spot was hilarious. Likely because my fw took his whore to Vegas, and the ass wipe called me to tell me he was getting married. (it was just a couple months after our D was final.) Not sure what that call was about, but I doubt he got the reaction he wanted.

      Anyway it seemed to fit for them, within a few years they were literally bankrupt from his gambling, living in a tiny one bedroom add on to my sons house. Bitching because they had to pay enough to cover the utilities.

      • Yeah, my FW also went to Vegas to marry his Schmoopie….while we were still married. Not even separated. Idiot much, FW?

        • Raising hand: My ex is getting married to his AP in Las Vegas as well! (Sin City seems perfectly fitting for all of these adulterers though!)

    • Open at all hours, an easy option and the patrons don’t care about the poor quality of the product they’re purchasing: it sounds like the perfect description of Brittany Renner’s “career”.

  • Trivializing abuse to sell a shitty product that will shorten your life. Lovely. Bring the kids along and get a family pak!

  • I put lots of meat between my buns.

    Those aren’t sesame seeds, they’re genital warts.

    If you can cheat on your spouse, you can cheat on your diet.

    Still hungry? No problem. Sloppy seconds are my expertise.

  • CL, I spit my coffee. Herpes extra crispy, chlamdyia sauce, small dick!!, I will never eat a slider again without laughing

  • Sloppy Seconds French Fry add ons for a buck with sauce:
    Sleazy cheesy
    Cum dumpster white
    Hot Buffalo Balls

    Get a mystery sex toy punch card.

  • Or try some of our other specialties SOUTHERN STYLE WHISKER BISCUITS, FUZZY LAP FLOUNDER, CROTCH TACOS, BEARDED CLAM BASKET …oh I have more

  • Unbelievable that anyone has to make a living in the dirty garbage
    trash I “almost” feel sorry for but not her. 💩

  • Talk about tasteless. They also sell, no joke, “Sackfulls.”
    Since November they’ve sent out several news releases announcing expansions into new markets. They serve “the Original Krystal, Cheese Krystal, Pups, Pick 5, combos, Sackfuls, …and the new Side Chik®, this juicer and thicker version is better than what used to be the main Chik®.” T

    Within the past year, they’ve opened in New Jersey, partnering with New York Giants former wide receiver Victor Cruz, and Puerto Rico. In addition to “Charlemagne the God,” it has partnerships with his wife/business partner Jessica Gadsden-McKelvey, 2 Chainz, Victor Cruz, Brittany Renner, and Ray J. A different media contact was listed on each release. Here’s one: Kim Miller, 305.333.2809. kmiller@inklinkmarketing.com

  • New! Krystal Side Chik combo— comes with an STD panel and a course of antibiotics.

    (Also—so excited that CL posted my letter! My kiddo was appalled to see the “everyone needs a side chik” billboard and—how interesting(!)—her dad takes her to Krystal when he’s too lazy/unplanned to have dinner ready.

  • I’m not religious but even I’m beginning to wonder if the story of Sodom Gomorrah is unfolding.The U.S. seems to be winding down with “who can be the worst” contests. No need for school or work, make $ selling your body on Only Fans; If you aren’t lip filling, botoxing, boob jobbing it like a Kartrashian, you’re not a real woman, but by all means become a Side Chik, and don’t forget to defend appalling politicians & harass those damn do-good-ers doing (ugh) good in the world….
    I saw something that Google has investments in the porn industry. No need to keep women down blatantly. Go thru the back door, promoting soft porn (pleasing men sexually) as a viable job industry. Side Chik & would you like fries with that?

  • Side chiks — fun to risk your health for a moment of medocrity

    Side Chiks — you could have the delicious meal at home… but you always trade down

  • -Thigh meat sandwich standard fee;
    -Breast meat add $2;
    -Side of salty balls add $3;
    -Trussing breasts add $4
    -Delivery or in-house dining available

  • I haven’t thought about Krystal in YEARS… there was one close by my college, and none of us broke-ass students would go because it was so bad, regardless of the price. This campaign tracks 🤣

  • This actually might be the perfect name for junk food that will leave you with nothing but regrets.

    Other products they might enjoy:

    Extra crispy consequences
    The I should know butter burger
    Shamburger
    Double regret with cheese
    The whopper (I told my wife)
    Sleezeburger
    The Prig Mac

    I could go all day! 😂

  • Wow!!
    -side chik, how many can you have before it starts to show?
    -side chik, pink tube paste with added flavoring: knock your balls off herpes, extra crunchy genital warts and our new and improved chlamydia that will not cause problems for awhile but will definitely get ya
    -side chik, it looks good on tv and internet, but when you see it you’ll feel catfished
    -side chik, no being delivered exclusively by Whore Dash straight to your hotel room

  • I’m surprised that there’s no Sloppy Seconds ‘Slaw – a recipe concocted from leftover cheater ***, an injection of STDs and a massive dollop of desperation.

  • The Krystal Side Chik … the perfect culinary indulgence for when boilermakers and sniffing bar stools have come to a close, and the “last call for alcohol” bell clangs.

  • Ruh roh! Ruckrit rant a Roobie rack? Toss him a Krystal Side Chik!

    Try Krystal Side Chiks. Only $3.99 plus applicable flattery tax.

    Krystal Side Chiks. Your choice for high calorie, low grade narcissistic supply.

    Krystal Side Chiks- because you’ve been unhappy with bagged salad for fifteen years.

    Krystal Side Chiks. They’re cheep cheep!
    (Picture of a baby chick wearing hooker heels, with the “cheep cheep” in a dialogue balloon.)

  • Betting they’ll offer freebies on February 13th and December 23rd– “side chick” Valentine’s and Christmas respectively– but only to patrons who come to the counter with no underwear, a soiled bridal veil and a restraining order summons.

  • I can’t even wrap my head around this because according to cheaters the Side Chik doesn’t even exist. So all I keep thinking is, “I’m not eating a Side Chik, but we’ve been having dinner issues for years.”
    Or “I’ve never had fast (junk) food, but I’ve been very unhappy with the contents of our pantry for a very long time.”
    All this is news to the chump who doesn’t understand what the heck is going on.
    TJ and Amy’s chumps don’t look anything like the chump in the disgusting advertisement btw!

  • I can laugh along with side dish jokes because my concept of APs reflects what I dealt with: a dumpy, white, middle class, pushing-thirty, poly-blend, provincial barfly AP from a racist fundy who cooks packaged mac and cheese and listens to white elevator rap– in other words, a classic “Karen.” But what’s not so funny about the Krystal campaign are reports on the racial implications of terms like “side chick,” reports on the roles of inequality in infidelity and the cultural destruction of black families in the US (not to mention geographical racism and the health destroying trap of “food ghettos) and the fact that Krystal is a white-founded fast food chain that, according to historic promotional photos, catered only to whites during Jim Crow and is currently white-owned and run.

    During the 1960 lunch counter sit-ins led by high school students, the mayor of Chattanooga– home of the first Krystal franchises– was the first in the country to order the fire department to use fire hoses to disperse protesters. Unlike some restaurants, it appears Krystal didn’t shutter to avoid compliance with desegregation laws and even adapted and shifted markets to survive. But does anyone else smell cynicism and history all over this sandwich campaign?

    • I believe based on the history that the company should be held accountable – maybe through a boycott or media campaign.

      • That would be great. Chattanooga was a little river town in the Jim Crow era and Krystal founders wielded a lot of clout. They could have been KKK for all we know but since this history doesn’t support current marketing schemes, it might be difficult but hopefully not impossible to dig up documentation.

        So many corporations have deplorable histories and should have “lost the right to exist” as one corporate whistleblower put it. But the public still buys brands that supported Hitler or currently use prison slave labor, fund death squads to squelch third world unionization and indigenous eco movements and kill and maim infants in unethical drug trials abroad, etc. I don’t know what else to do other than get involved and teach my kids about these things. The latter has the bonus of making kids excited about history which, if it’s actually true, is never as boring as the expurgated drivel taught in schools.

      • ONE of the #brainz anyway. Ad campaigns of this scope usually a hybrid product created by corporate CMO, Creative Agency, with input from many along the way.

  • Limited-time Offer

    Krystal and Whoredash have hooked up to deliver My Cravings Combo!
    6 Side Chix instantly delivered – the answer to your cravings!
    6 Bunny Boiler Burgers – randomly delivered at work or at home when you least expect it!
    Whether you want them or not, those Bunny Boiler Burgers will find you!

  • Krystal x McD x BK “I Deserve to be Happy” Meal:
    Whopper I told my wife (good one, NotAnymore)
    Double Life Mac
    Shit Sandwich
    Side Chik
    Bagged Salad
    Head-In-A-Blender Shake
    Bottomless Soda Fountain (because you’re obviously *thirsty*)
    Limited Time Collectible Sex Toy: Dick from the Bag O’ Dicks — collect them all!

  • I live in the South and when I saw the add I thought that was a little much but I believed it was done tongue in cheek as a shot at Chic-fil A. For those who don’t know Chic- FilA is a chicken sandwich franchise that makes a great product. Tasty chicken sandwiches, Waffle fries, nuggets…ect served in an immaculately clean restaurant by courteous caring staff who care about your customer experience. People line up around the block. It is the exact opposite of Krystals, a dirty hole with crappy food served by people who, for the most part are not as concerned about your customer experience.

    After explaining it I realize Krystal’s knew exactly what they were doing, those bastards.
    Thanks CN for your entertaining comments. Enjoyable way to end a long day.

  • Is anyone else having problems accessing the comments? I couldn’t do it on Safari at all and the site was very strange and would bound around when I was trying to find and read the daily post. I’m (reluctantly) using Chrome to write this.

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