Dear Chump Lady,
So two years ago my husband of 25 years left me for his technician, immediately moved her in, got her pregnant and they are now living their happy life with a 17-month old, while I struggle.
Anyway, we are still not divorced. It’s in process, but very expensive and we disagree on many key points. Mostly the point where he doesn’t want to give me anything, he just wants me to go away.
I had the pleasure (or not) of speaking to him yesterday about our daughter. Anyway, I received a text from him today. All I see is he’s happy, happy, happy with no regrets. Honestly it still hurts and I think I need him to be miserable for me to ever feel justification. Like, why can’t his girlfriend cheat on him? Or why can’t the baby belong to a different baby daddy? Why are they so stinking happy???
I’d really like you to use the UBT on this text.
I appreciate u picking up the phone and calling about (daughter) yesterday, but I’m in a very good place right now. My leaving was just a tad bit more complicated than just I wasn’t appreciated. So please don’t trivialize my life decisions. I do not do things on a whim. That is not my nature. I’m sorry u got hurt and sorry kids got hurt. I have talked to them and explained my thoughts. Hope u have a good day.
Yes, don’t call him and remind him he has other children. Geez, quit being such a buzzkill. Don’t you know the effervescent, new baby scent has worn off your kids? He has another family now.
Seriously though — don’t communicate with him except in writing where his answers and non-answers can be documented. And do NOT try to call him up and shame him or discuss your or your kids’ pain. As I’ve said here before, you may as well try and shame a doorpost. He’s “happy” because he’s about an inch deep. No, your feelings do not matter to him. And yes, that’s the REAL him.
If you insist on plumbing his shallow depths, you’re going to get exactly what you got — mindfuckery.
So stop engaging, and more full-court press to the divorce finish line, okay? There’s nothing you can say that a fat settlement check can’t say better.
Now to the UBT:
I appreciate u picking up the phone and calling about (daughter) yesterday, but I’m in a very good place right now.
Thanks for the kibbles! Your distress reminds me that I’m super awesome powerful! And ignoring whatever it is you want from me gives me shivers of delight. Please don’t try and make me feel bad. I don’t feel much at all because my conscience is a tiny, withered prune pit.
But, since you asked (and I know that I Am The Most Important Person here) — I’m happy! Couldn’t be better!
Are you miserable? Great! More evidence that I’m superior in every way!
My leaving was just a tad bit more complicated than just I wasn’t appreciated.
My being a fuckwit is just a tad bit more complicated than just I-walked-out-on-my-family-and-got-an-employee-pregnant.
I wasn’t sufficiently appreciated… as being a total fuckwit.
So please don’t trivialize my life decisions.
My life is not a triviality. My obligations are a triviality.
I do not do things on a whim.
I’m a cold-hearted, calculating motherfucker.
That is not my nature.
Actually cold-hearted, calculating motherfucker is my nature. If there were an astrological sign for dysfunction, I’d be in the seventh house of Fuckwit.
I’m sorry u got hurt and sorry kids got hurt.
Feel the depth of my sorry. #NoFullWords4U
Sorry something hurt u and kids. #passivevoice No idea what that could be. An asteroid?
Want to see my latest baby pictures?
I have talked to them and explained my thoughts.
I discarded them and explained it with a little chat — “Daddy’s happy now!” We’re good.
Hope u have a good day.
Hope you’re hit with a horseshoe. U, u, u.
This is a rerun updated for more snark.