Hi Chump Lady!
I wrote to you, detailing how my cheating ex got cheated on by his mistress and how karma, completely un-looked for at this stage, caught up with him.
WELL….Today I received a package (at my office!) from the EX mistress with an “inspirational book” and a letter from the Schmoopie. The book is “Ask and it is Given, Learning to Manifest your Desires.” by Esther and Jerry Hicks (with foreword by Dr. Wayne Dwyer).
This is what the note she sent along with it said:
I wanted to thank you for reaching out last year after I received my diagnosis (she was diagnosed with Stage I breast cancer and I, nice chump that I am, offered my ex support on info for finding a great oncologist as I work in a doctor’s office). That was incredibly kind of you. Over the past year I’ve had the opportunity to reflect and make changes in my life. As I’ve stepped away from (the business) and my relationship with C (my ex) draws to a close, I look back with regret that C and I started seeing each other before your divorce was finalized. Hindsight being 20/20 I would have chosen differently. I am deep with remorse over the pain that it caused you.
I am not sure if it is any interest to you but I found this book to be incredibly liberating as I’ve gone through the healing process. My hope is that it might bring you as much empowerment as it brought me. Sending you much joy, success and happiness always.
Uhm, what????? This woman was married to her THIRD husband when she started cheating with my ex. My ex had not once stated he was unhappy with our marriage, had never asked to go to counseling and only knew this woman for three months before they started fooling around. My kids lost their father for years after that, if they didn’t accept the situation he simply ignored them and any of their needs (except my younger daughter, who he forced to live with him so he wouldn’t have to pay child support — she spent every minute at his house in her room and still resents it to this day).
I sent a picture of the letter and book to my ex, explaining that I would appreciate it if he would advise his EX mistress that I no longer want or need “enlightenment” or “healing” or ANY advice from this woman. He immediately text me and then actually called me to apologize. He offered to call her and ask her not to contact me again. You know what? I told him she wasn’t worth it then and she isn’t worth it now.
Still living my wonderful new life over here!!! Thanks again for all you do!
I guess you asked for karma, and it was given, so no need for the book. #manifestdestiny
Geez, what a nutter. She must miss the centrality. So here’s a Law of Attraction book? (KIBBLES! COME TO ME!)
I did a little googling about the authors and what surely must be a solid literary recommendation…
Jerry Hicks was a former circus acrobat who sold Amway. Esther channels a celestial consciousness she calls “Abraham” and writes down its wisdom. (Is Abraham getting residuals?)
Maybe they were both getting high off the fumes from those cleaning products. I can’t believe there are enough idiots in the U.S. to make this a best-seller. Then again, America loves a grifter. Especially a pseudo-Christian grifter. With bad hair.
How lovely that Schmoopie is so invested in your happiness and healing. Like $11.95 worth of investment in a cheap paperback. Plus shipping.
Shall we UBT her note?
I wanted to thank you for reaching out last year after I received my diagnosis That was incredibly kind of you.
I wanted to remind you that I’m still alive and require your attention. Cancer cannot kill me. Nor can your kind thoughts and oncology recommendations. I LIVE! And all that sustains me is KIBBLES!
Over the past year I’ve had the opportunity to reflect and make changes in my life.
Changes like swapping out yet another soul mate and finalizing my third divorce.
As I’ve stepped away from (the business)
Fucked a co-worker/fiddled the accounts/committed gross indecencies with office supplies…
and my relationship with C draws to a close,
He is no swingline heavy duty stapler.
I look back with regret that C and I started seeing each other before your divorce was finalized.
The divorce I set into motion by cheating with him.
I look back with regret that I… didn’t learn the Laws of Attraction sooner. Had Esther and Jerry (via Abraham) only revealed The Secret earlier (for small monthly installments of $195) I’m positive I would’ve destroyed your marriage in under 3 months.
Now I Manifest My Desires and Chico’s sales ladies quake. I am master of the sales rack.
Hindsight being 20/20 I would have chosen differently.
I don’t know if leopard-print track wear suits me. Impulse buy.
I am deep with remorse over the pain that it caused you.
I am deep with remorse over the pain of you ignoring me. I HAVE A NEW OUTFIT. And a NEW SOUL MATE. WHY DO YOU DENY ME?
I am not sure if it is any interest to you
So let me send a package to your workplace ala the Unibomber. Check it for explosives. Dust it for anthrax. Oh hey, it’s a self-help book. #run
but I found this book to be incredibly liberating as I’ve gone through the healing process.
Let me serve as an example to you. Yes, I Schmoopie, Fucker of Other Women’s Husbands, Desire Made Manifest, Master of the Sales Rack ($9.99 jeggings!) am telling you how to live.
The Secret is Accessories. And cold indifference to the suffering of others. And warm grays.
My hope is that it might bring you as much empowerment as it brought me.
My hope is that if I can’t be your nemesis, let me be your spirit guide!
Sending you much joy, success and happiness always.
Sending you leftovers. You can have your husband back. All the shiny has worn off. Kisses!
Rock on with your new life, JJ!
This is a rerun, but everyone can use a Tuesday karma story.