Are you ready for another round of Infidelity Valentine’s Poetry?
Every year about this time we remember the less fortunate — the poor freaks that wound up with our exes — and immortalize them in verse.
Just like previous year’s contests, I’m looking for either a haiku or a limerick that encapsulates your cheater experience. I’ll announce the winners on Valentine’s Day.
To recap from 8th grade English, a haiku is a poem with 5-7-5 syllables.
I love you but I’m…
Christ, you are such a cliche
…not in love with you.
A limerick is a 5 line poem with a rhyme scheme of AABBA.
There once was a mistress named Kay
Who was a better liar than a lay
She had HPV
And now it’s with me
My husband’s clap conveys
Check the archives for past chump cleverness. We have some real snarky gems.
Extra bonus points for anyone who rhymes anything with Esther Perel. (Bad smell? Where goblins dwell? Pustules swell?)
Please no lugubrious long-form verse — keep it bitter, funny, and short. (Yes, I said bitter. As in acerbic. As in take-this-Valentine-and-shove-it.)
Send submissions. TGIF!
I did not punch you
That is forgiveness enough
Go away, Butt Face
Hahahaaaaaaaaa first one knocks it out of the park! 😁
I laughed when I read the first one but last even harder when I read your comment!!!!!
Hahahaha. I aspire to this mood.
Great haiku, BDU. How about shoot instead of punch and asshole instead of butt face? 😅
To celebrate Valentine’s day,
You always expected a lay,
And not just from me,
So much fish in the sea,
But that’s someone new’s problem today.
A boundary is
not a punishment for you
it’s my protection
LFTT
And while I’m at it.
The consequences,
For the choices that you made,
You own them; not me
LFTT
Also,
Three kids and me shed,
By a snake changing its skin,
You f*cking reptile.
LFTT
I love this one!
FKA,
You are too kind.
LFTT
There once was an intern named Lori
With the brains of a disused quarry
With morals to match
She offered my hubby her snatch
What a “pure” and “inspiring” luv story
I can’t tell you how much I love this!!
Upon reading Ester Perel,
I learnt I had not done too well,
At accepting your freedom,
To love ’em and leave ’em,
And I that was to blame for this hell.
Kudos!
Blame-shift, minimize
Let me count the ways you suck
There are so many
You wanted to try
a double-headed dildo???
Look in the mirror!
Hahaha. Yikes.
Were we married to the same person? LOL
My so-called best friend
Shagging Fuckwit in MY bed!
Burn in hell, you bitch
When he left for another “work meeting”
I found all of the proof of his cheating
I moved out that day
Why the hell would I stay?
Now a lawyer is what he’ll be needing
As a reader of Esther Perel
He joyfully spurned “marriage hell”
His children and wife
And our nice happy life
Can’t compete with the cheap Jezebel
These are 3 separate poems, in case that isn’t clear…Happy VD day to all!
I could tell they were different poems….and they are wonderful !! I am not very creative today, so I appreciate this (especially the middle one…my Dday was when I found proof of his howorker affair while he was at a “work meeting” )
Thanks! Sorry this happened to you too.
My first D-day discovery was while he was mowing the lawn. The second was while he was allegedly out playing poker with co-workers. It turned out to be a Meet Up group he was using to pick up more OW. Most of his time actually cheating was over long lunches and out of town meetings.
To not see your face
Makes every day my best
You lost cheater boy
🤣👏 this makes me laugh!! Great one.
Your husband has cheated, do tell?
I’ll send you to Esther Perel.
See, he’s justified.
It’s so bougie you cried.
Please save me from Switzerland hell!
Great, and extra kudos for excellent limerick rhythm!
Aw thanks!
I’m trying to be clever with VD — the double entendre of Valentine’s Day and venereal disease…. I’m just not that creative this morning 😂
When they’re a cheater
VD could go either way
Candy, or Herpes?
I tried.
That works! lol! Thanks Stig!
Here’s an attempt at a limerick a day late and a dollar short:
I got hearts and flowers on VD
But only when purchased by me
A fuckwit, you see, ignores and cheats — yippee,
So with him all you’ll get is VD
Discovered fuckwit’s secret email account
Dick pics too numerous to count
Hookups with CraigsList randos in the park
He was just looking for a spark
Thanks to this leverage, my settlement was a great amount
What is with the dick pics?? Seriously. My xFW did the same. I guess maybe it was all he had to offer.
Because they’re trying to show who they are – a “dick”
Klootzak actually had no dick pics at all. He would pose and just cover it like he was hiding something exciting. Because it’s a tiny mushroom.
And now all his selfies look like hell, too. Karma is him developing horrible rosacea all over his face at the age of 50. I feel terrible for anyone dealing with such a thing – except him. Redness and pustules – his ugly is coming out. That might hurt his dating game. Awwwwww.
There once was a gal who made men
fawn,
So she ditched her family for some new lawn,
Soon to be married,
The baggage they carry,
Makes me feel wonderful inside.
What’s that itch you say?
Got it from a toilet seat?
Thank you for the clap.
You had a diamond
But you chose to play with rocks
I left and shine bright
At her place for hours
“I was picking tomatoes!!”
Guess the store was out?
For my brother:
Their mother packed up and left
And made all her babies bereft
Their dad cried with them
‘Cause she left on a whim
But they all healed their own self
For Ester fans:
There once was apologist, Perel
Who made Chumps feel like hell
And made lots of money
Sugar coating cheats with honey
And her coffers continue to swell
there once was a VP named rob
so preoccupied with his knob
along came tisha
with a heart squishy
now they’re “working it” on the job
There once was a hooker named Mattie
She really liked it up her batty
She named her price
He paid for the vice
And now also for an atty
Bloody brilliant 👏🏻👍
He fucked Jennifer
Married Susan–cheats on her
And now I don’t care
(Names have been changed to protect me and Chump Lady from the guilty)
I loved the you that you pretended to be
Now I know better and live for me
Our therapist quoted Perel
And FW ate it up as well
But to their surprise
I just rolled my eyes
And pulled out a copy of LACGAL
I really want to read more about how THAT went down with FW and the RIC “therapist”.
It’s right here, this was my post:
https://www.chumplady.com/2022/03/ubt-you-shouldve-been-a-better-husband/
Not an entry- I am glad I wasn’t drinking my coffee when I read this phrase
Every year about this time we remember the less fortunate — the poor freaks that wound up with our exes
Hilarious !!!
All you inspire is loathing
Your face, your voice, your clothing
You are ugly, inside and out
All that is missing is a tail and a snout
Here’s a haiku based on my lived experience with the Lying Cheating Loser, that applies to Valentine’s Day and any other holiday or occasion.
Pick your poison, chump:
Ugly present on purpose
Or no gift at all.
i’m sorry i had an affair
but i didn’t think you cared?
tisha’s the best
scars on her chest
with no STD’s, i declare
There once was a fuckwit from Cheatville.
Who had to start taking a blue pill
His dick wouldn’t stay hard
He just spouted canard
Apparently fidelity’s a buzzkill
Esther Esther Esther, Big Sigh.
You just don’t get it do you?
Gaslighting victims, shame on you.
There once was an Esther Perel
Whose teachings will keep you in hell
Her books are a joke!
They’re just hopium smoke!
Read LACGAL and then you’ll feel swell!
LOVE THIS! The one time stbx tried to sell me on her, it was with a ted talk. She really seems to level up the word salad. Such BS.
There once was a woman named Esther.
She wrote books, so I thought I would test her.
Turns out she’s a quack
So here’s some feedback:
Perel is a chump heart-molester
Another awesome Perel takedown!
Esther Perel is from Belgium
On one day she tripped and then fell some.
She lands on her head
Does not end up dead
Now thinks cheating is something to sell some.
Will Smith and Jada
Oh so enlightened cheaters
Will’s face says it all
#redtabletalkbullshit
i visit my local GP
there is burning when i pee
it’s a little itch
from a blondy bitch
tisha’s twat is quite trich-y
Esther Perel raises hairs
When she speaks on the state of affairs
Every hair on my neck
Stands up straight from her dreck
Tracy Schorn kicks the ass of her wares.
There once was a moron named Esther
Whose books about cheating should d
Delete….incomplete!
Velvet Hammer tried making a rhyme!
About Esther whose books are a crime!
Her fingers were fleet!
It was not yet complete!
So delete, just delete, please delete!
Awesome, VH.
WARNING! VERY VULGER!
(Woke up in a mood and this is tge first thing I read today)
You state our marriage was a waste
That I divorced with far too much haste
But all I can say
In a very crude way
Yes but how did his dick taste
Lol NYNB!
There once was a husband called Dick
Who met with a woman quite thick
He cheated on me
But now I am free
And she is stuck with the prick
Challenge accepted! I’m home sick, so what else have I got to do? I tried to do this last year. Started, got one so-so limerick, and that was it. Didn’t think it was good enough to enter, especially late in the game. So, this time, I’ve come up w/two haikus and limericks to start. Hope they give someone a chuckle.😊 More if I think of them.
A moral compass?
She didn’t think she needed that.
Killed her family.
Loved you once fuckwit,
but the cat’s out of the bag,
I don’t need you now.
There once was a wife born in Jersey,
whose morals just weren’t that purty,
with a husband depressed,
she decided it best,
to fuck her boss, and destroy her family.
There once was an absolute war fuckwit,
who fucked her boss (quite the strumpet!),
where’s her moral compass you say?,
why, that just gets in her way,
let her husband and kids deal w/it.
Please ignore the word war in that final limerick. I have no idea how that got in there.
FW met Humpty Dumpty at his job
Where she distinguished herself as chief office doorknob
For the price of some pizza and a couple of shots
She’d hump married old douches in parking lots
Though perhaps Humpty pilfered creeps’ marital assets
She’d be humptied and dumptied and gained squat from her antics
Alas Alice Paul’s hunger strikes weren’t an entree
For Humpty’s dong-riding Cirque de Soleil
The neighbor you said
“Oh she’s just a friend that helps.”
Helps take you pants off.
Great punchline.
Your new wife doesn’t have a clue
Until she finds out she got Hpv from you
You fought me in court for a house that you couldn’t even afford to rent
Getting away from you, changing my name was the best 70k I ever spent
Stepping in dog poo is so much better than being next to you.
A sad little man named Mike,
His wife’s money he sure liked!
He moped through life all night and day,
And found a trashy coworker to lay.
“I’m unhappy! You don’t meet my needs!” He exclaimed,
And for years his wife shouldered the blame,
Until one day she discovered his deceitful true ways,
So she snooped, consulted and kicked him out in a few days.
So, sad little Mike, go get a new life!
Signed, FU! Your soon-to-be Ex-Wife <3
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Not a single married FW
Left his wife for you.
You might think you’re sexy
You might think you’re hot –
But a free roaming crotch
Is all you have got.
Omg, now all I can see is a herd of skittish crotches on wilderbeest legs, down at the wateringhole! And instead of running off when a penis leaps out of the water like a crocodile, they spring towards it.
Depression you claim
Spend all my money on quack
Thanks for the clap
There once was a fuckwit from here
Who would have liked me to just disappear
I stood my ground
Battle Royale went abound
I got it all and now have nothing to fear!
There once was a Cheater named John
Who felt he could do no wrong
I found out his lie
And told him goodbye
Now I don’t have to touch his schlong
There once was a girl named Row (ena)
Who really showed herself as a Ho
She humped my partner at break time
Cos she was having a ‘breakdown’
And now she’s married the clown
(The last line doesn’t quite fit)…but I wanted to contribute. Haha
I sent my loved hubs for a massage
But he tripped and fell up her passage
When asked ‘what’s the deal?’
He denied it was real
But he got a divorcing you message
I truly thought I was stuck
But now can’t believe my luck
I’m sure she is whiny
His penis is tiny
His ego the size of a truck
Esther Perel is prolific
She dispenses advice that’s horrific
Eschew what she said
Please read Tracy instead
Your life will be oh so terrific!
Excellent!
Divorced seven years
And it’s blatantly clear
Life doesn’t need to be chaotic
You thought your lifestyle was erotic
Thankfully Without you our home’s full of cheer.
feeling joyful about-
freedom came on tuesday
-living Fuckwit free
Interchangable
Wives, condos, and houses
You’re slum lord of all
Sorry, typos! (I need a second cup of coffee this morning apparently…)
Interchangeable
Wives, condos, kids, and houses
You’re slum lord of all
I don’t have a submission for the contest but I do have two letters for readers to consider. Particularly the second letter. So much cake eating and so many people who think it’s just dandy!
https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2023/02/10/ask-amy-insecure-partner-cheating/
Oh God what’s that horrible smell?
Look! It’s coming from books by Perel!
I’ll take them away!
To the landfill! Hooray!
May they dwell on the bookshelf in hell!
I actually found one of her books in a little free library. Should burn well in my campfire this weekend.
I ♡ ME not YOU
Fled truth, left kids, complete joke.
Young schmoop, now skint.
Mighty.
That Valentine’s Day
Hot tears on my yoga mat
Now balancing half moon strong.
I’m not into doing a dance
To win the wee worm in his pants
But the cheater thought; “Whee!”
“I’ve still got my plan b!”
Get real motherfucker. No chance.
Nice 😆
You labeled me stubborn and bitter
I know I’m determined and no quitter
Those latter traits kept me trapped
Spinning trying to figure you out
Praise be to the fact of you becoming someone else’s bedshitter
Front lawn pyre gentle
plumes; smoke signals whisper fuck you
DM snitched on you
When he cheated he blamed it on me
He’d been Oh So Unhappy, you see
He’d kept his mouth shut
Told the slut God knows what
But she bought it and now I am free!
LOVE.
My marriage it was a mirage
He was often inside the garage
I thought he was alone
I found out that his phone
Was barraged by his ho entourage
His “sole mate” was found on Craigslist
My reaction was royally pissed
You still called me your friend?!
No, this is the end
But I’ll kiss you goodbye with my fist.
The cheaters just want to eat cake
They don’t realize what is at stake
Those who know about love
Are up front and above
Making bigger mistakes with the fake.
One day I saw he was phony
He was so full of shit and baloney
I was blind for so long
It was there all along
A liar can’t do matrimony
This one is an instant classic!
GPS tracker
Found on my car post divorce
He is a nutcase.
oh yeah……the GPS tracker……so, can you ever let us know how that got resolved? or is that still being dealt with?
On the criminal charges side, the DA is not going to file. He believes Traitor Ex did it but they don’t have the evidence they can present in court which they need for a conviction.
I’m exploring a civil suit now.
The statue of limitations is one year.
I have to call the victims’ advocate back that the courts assigned to me to see what else I can do.
I got myself security cameras for Christmas. Ho ho ho. ☹️
Thank you for the update. I appreciate it.
I send you blessings for an excellent outcome in your favor, and a whole lotta crap raining down on his head, and that this comes about with very little (additional) aggravation for you.
Trust they love no one
Being selectively kind
Defines con artists
He is not a prize
She took the trash out for free
I got rewarded
Armie Hammer needs saving.
His shrink is Esther Perel.
Bon appetit, bitch.
Oops, I got so riled up that Esther was the marriage counselor to an alleged potential cannibal that I goofed the syllables. I mean, WTF? “Yes, he may have some unusual fantasies, but what an exciting opportunity for a fresh start! Have you considered adding some BBQ sauce to your lube, Elizabeth?”
I took the high road
My side of the street is clean
They are the villians
I found he’d been telling them all
“Bitches be crazy, y’all”
But I blew that dick’s cover
and subpoenaed his lover
The truth really helped me stand tall.
I’m waiting for comments from Ux
He knows how to dish out what’s skux!
Where are you today?
Please chime in! Don’t delay!
Today’s blog needs your excellent touch!
She makes you feel great, your life so much better, you tell me?!
And time with the ho hum wife, so regretful, you annoyedly ask, why didn’t I see?!?
I see you casually burned all our memories, wonderful adventures and a love without end.
You traded it all for some unscrupulous taker, with lies and deceits a plenty, so crazy to even comprehend!
But it bizarrely works out for me, I see the low life you were and will always be.
And you got just what you aimed at, that’s hell, your solid guarantee.
I’m the winner here
He picks his nose and eats it
Bon appetit, ho
You two are quite similar…
Na-ah she’s a mate poacher
And I’m not a ho
Okay, I’ll put the kettle on, because more coffee is needed, syllables, scmillables.
An ode to the “noble whore” – the sugar baby who outed my FW and set me free:
sugar daddy came.
limp dick stiffed her on payment.
bitch blew the whistle.
I’m really so happy at last,
The sex – at least it was fast!
You were so fucking vile,
I ran more than a mile,
Rot in hell, yes you will, and I’ll smile.
Always jerking off to that screen
Married women, porn, or meme
But then found your golf shorts
Jiz and lipstick of all sorts
That’s it, I’m done, I’m free.
Playing the victim
You said strippers weren’t cheating
You lie glitter dick
There once was a man from L.A.
Who liked a good roll in the hay
But not with his wife
Had a whole secret life
And now he must learn to pay.
Valentine Day and I am eight years free
And now I hear you have HIV
Hooking up with strange on GRINDR
Your consequence is a life changer
I dodged that bullet, thankfully
here, here
For moms around the whole block
My husband strutted like a peacock
I worked and paid bills
He lied for cheap thrills
I guess skanks enjoy a tiny cock
😂
This Valentines Day
Will have so much love
Because you are gone
At first I liked Ester Perel
Her thoughts seemed as clear as a bell
She said keep it open
But it just keeps chumps hopin’
Hey Ester, just go rot in hell.
Wow! This is tremendous. It always surprises me that cheaters always down – Chumps seem to be clever, acerbic, wise, intelligent, compassionate…I like Martha Stewart’s response when she was asked why she hadn’t remarried. I think she said something like, ‘Who knows? I’d marry me!”
To the cheaters let’s raise a glass
Gotta hand it to them showing such class
One loser’s pole
In another loser’s hole
With dog shit stains from where they rolled in the grass
OMG….imagery
You definitely read the assignment.
Boy likes cameras
Quick, delete the evidence
Still watching me, creep?
[This one is darker, I admit. Skanks are only implied.]
Cheaters are douchebags
Loyalty is sexier
Thanks for showing me.
For seven years you lied to me
And screwed every fish in the sea
I know you did, mister
With even my sister
Look out – karma charges a fee!
With your sister? I’m so sorry.
All the excitement’s in sneaking
Waiting for her signal, then peeking
But when I filed the petition
It killed their ambition
It’s less fun with dinner and speaking
I once knew a fuckwit named Jack,
Who I found never did have my back.
Spent all his days stalking and screwing,
Many lies and distractions, vows were renewing.
Just blissfully porking with glee,
Til the iPhone betrayed it on thee.
He turned his life black, the kids think he’s a quack, giving him the hard sack.
Good luck, it’s a lot for your flaccid dick to unpack!
There was a Canadian stoner
Who gave my wife his ole boner
She gave it a suck
And a bit of a fuck
But now is alot more aloner
Love it !!!
I have to say I cringe hard whenever it’s song lyrics, poems etc as a post, just find it embarrassing for some reason and never like those posts/threads. Maybe because I feel like an AP or cheater would get a kick out of it.
and I used to think that I could never learn to like poetry. (;->)
Thank you, CL for this Friday Fun Challenge. And thank you, everyone in CN, who has been submitting these gems. (VH, I send you lotsa hugs and muchas smooches.)
I can not recall enjoying any Valentine’s Day as much as I have been enjoying this one. (And I’ll check back in a few days to read wha else has been added.)
There once was a nurse name Lulu
Who said she got wet when she saw you
So you fucked in our bed
Then decided to wed
After getting matching upper-thigh fish tattoos.
Hysterical
Schmoopie just loves you.
Till you have nothing she wants.
Watch how fast she runs.
Pity the mirror
That reflects your cheater mug
Try lying to that.
_____
I was not perfect
No excuse for your cheating
You suck. So does she.
_____
x cheated for years
“Not a double life,” he said
Always a liar
A widow with wealth in New York
Matched with a narcissist dork
Her money he lusted
Soon she’ll be flat busted
And learn hard that he weren’t worth the fork
Happy Valentine’s Day from the glorious mountain called MEH!!! ❤️
“Meet all my needs!”, you’d rebuff;
My kibbles were never enough;
So onward you chose,
Those lunch hour blows;
And now I have half of your stuff.
There was a granny with love-beads round her gullet
Who trolled FaceBook for married exes she’d covet
She posted only old pics
Of when she was a young chick
Honey, that’s not a shag – it’s a mullet!
There’s always room for improvement 🙂
There was a granny with love-beads round her gullet
Who trolled FaceBook for married exes she’d covet
She’d post only old pics
Of her as a “hip” young chick
Honey, that’s not a shag – it’s a mullet!
There once was a cheating cavorter
Who decided to mess with my daughter.
He stole lots of pics
Showed his friends for the kicks
And now his rap sheets a slaughter.
you swore it was a one time thing
never gonna happen again
serial cheater, I never knew
hit me, so hard, out of the blue
serial cheater, so brand new
that’s got the makings of a good old country song
Oooops “sheet’s”
The cheater has a fugly whore, he calls her Athena.
I scored big with a quick divorce, not a one subpoena.
They now lurk in the fog near Tuscaloosa
Funny, no one told him…she’s really Medusa.
That explains his crusty patina.
There once was a man with the horn,
Who could not relieve it with porn,
So he found a dumb bit,
Who believed all his sh1t,
And now he’s her problem – yawn
The dildo of consequences
Rarely arrives
Lubricated.
Cry elsewhere.
The difference of consequences. Great!
Sorry, auto-correct doesn’t like dildo.
Whore keeps the leash tight
You live in captivity
No more cheater smirk
Esther, Esther, Esther Perel
You say you have a book to sell?
It’s full of shit and tons of lies
My copy’s rotting with maggots and flies
From the guts of the garbage truck the blasphemy cries.
again…forgot to type last 2 words
Esther, Esther, Esther Perel
You say you have a book to sell?
It’s full of shit and tons of lies
My copy’s rotting with maggots and flies
From the guts of the garbage truck the blasphemy cries like hell.
The look on your face…
“She’s thirty-one, you’re sixty-four,
It sucks to be her”
I once loved a man we’ll call X,
Who only could write bouncing checks;
Emotional, sexual
Or faux intellectual
He’s now gone the way of T-Rex
You cheated and then went on tinder.
Expecting this would be better.
Reality hit hard, now you are bitter.
Loving this, but also hating it for what going round in my brain, nothing but limericks!
I once had a husband called Peter,
Who was charming but also a cheater.
He filled up his physio
With gallons of jizzio,
Did he know he was still on the meter?
Said you needed change.
Cheated our whole lives away.
What made that seem right?
Here – you play Sherlock
Stack bills and light them on fire
Gift to a Savage.
I gave love and care
he gave lies so now I will
buy myself flowers
I do that too for the very same reason ‘onwards’. I hope you find happiness and peace. X
He thinks he loves the whore
It’s the drugs he’ll love more
Whore thought she won such a prize
Whore how do you like the bad credit and lies
He got her metal braces removed, dick sucks galore
I would first say of Esther Perel,
That the twat should get back in her shell.
Though my ex would agree,
She’d look good on her knees,
I’d be ringing the ‘unclean’ bell!
He cheated on me and I left him
So angry and scared with my future grim
She now has my life
I should not have this strife
I hope there is hell for both of them
Ex screamed in my face
No one will ever love you
I can love myself
***********************
Jobless low life scum
Schoompie dumped her husband for
Still scum, now homeless
************************
Axe dark tempation
Did it cloud schoompie’s judgement?
Her future’s fake, too
Hi Ho, Hi Ho
It’s off to court we go
Like a wrecking ball
I got it all
Hi Ho, Hi Ho
I Did Love You BUT
I Now Trust You Suck, fuckwit
the chump’s acronym
Newly cheated on chumps gather round
For CL and CN to expound,
How to leave cheaters’ “sorry”
For NC and Meh glory —
Wiser words, saner snark can’t be found.
Wart remover strips
Clean toilet and trim nose hairs
She must be special
That Christmas, candy canes
could not hide, the rotting slick
PR you sold me.
______
Would Emily Post
approve- you fucking young girls-
In my new red car?
A mendacious cheater named Xavier
concealed adulterous behavior
+2 kids by two mothers
plus affairs with two others
while he maintained he was a savior.
If you’ve got your mind stuck in a blender,
Or are off on a hopium bender:
Drop the spackling knife,
Time to go Gain a Life
You are mighty, forget that pretender.
Esther Perel is not smart,
Just a greedy, capitalist old fart.
Sold her soul for a buck,
She does not give a fuck.
Sprinkling sparkles on shit is not art.
Last one. Too addictive, these!
I call my haiku “Cheater Logic”:
You shit all over
Our life and then you declared
“Look, our marriage stinks!”
“Holly”
Married men, in need
Of blow jobs while at work?
Holly gladly kneels!
Valentine Tuesday
The old, creepy fool surfing
Still trawling for fish
You thought you were so smart
Yet you hooked up with such a stupid tart
On Instagram she told all
And I just watched you fall
And now I am everything you aren’t
There once was a slapper called Nat,
Who lived alone with her cat,
Her pussy would itch,
And she thought she’d be rich,
By screwing my husband – the prat!
Your schmoopie you flaunted
Your studio apartment my memory haunted
Yeah, my dad paid for it
And you sure as shit threw a fit
But you got the divorce you wanted
Lie, cheat, deceive, flee,
I pity the emptiness
That lies within you.
Shattered and tainted
My heart was pure and trusting
Now it’s bruised but strong
I should get credit
For the times I didn’t cheat
Just get over it
Lies comprised nearly everything he ever said
Fucked his much younger howorker in our bed
I also should mention
He’s getting half of my pension
Wish we lived in a fault state instead
Esther Perel said on Ted
Infidelity starts in the head
I have to blunt
Its began with a cunt
Who allows married men in her bed
“Underwear”
The number one sign
…check your Amazon Prime
They buy new underwear
Esther Perel said on Ted
Infidelity starts in the head
I have to be blunt
It began with a cunt
Who allows married men in her bed
The Trollop Queen consort Camilla
Prefers sex on a horse to vanilla
She was happy to ride
With a tampon inside
‘Till Cheater Charlie was ready to fill her
Cheating was great fun
Be-ing found out not so much
Shit consequences!
“Trust that they suck”
Roses are red
In the land of the free
I cared for someone
Who cared nothing for me
Out with the old, in with the new
My time was borrowed, now I’m blue
“Trust that they suck” says Tracy