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Chump Lady Turns 11!

Happy Blogaversary! Today Chump Lady turns 11! (Well, the blog that is. Chump Lady herself is well into middle-age.) Still kicking. Still biting unicorns.

So let me take the opportunity to give a little State of the Blog address about what’s happened and what we can look forward to. (CHUMPALOOZA! More on this in a moment…)

Last year I shared the news that Mr. CL and I were moving to the country and I was going to give up my straight job to do Chump Lady full-time and freelance. I did it. Since last June I’m solo, albeit with the distractions of a house move and restoration on an ancient pile of house and very neglected garden, plus building a freelance business. A huge round of applause and heartfelt thanks to Mr. CL for working the straight job and having faith in my endeavors. There would be no book or blog without him.

Seriously. There wouldn’t be. It’s not just the gift of having a supportive partner, (which is HUGE), from the beginning, he willed “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life” into existence when we lived in Texas. He believed I could write it when I wasn’t sure, and as he is the most productive human on the planet, I had to keep up. I’m still trying to keep up. People tell me really heart-warming things about how much this community means to them, but when you thank me, please thank him too. He’s my rock. None of this would be here without his hard work too.

So… news.

Speaking of LACGAL, while I was sitting in the airport, ready to go to the Jane Does Well event in Boston last month, I got a notice from Hachette that my book out-earned its advance. In publishing, this is a big feather in your cap. Generally, it’s fewer than 10 percent of books that pay out. (Of course the publisher has made droves of money before the author sees any.) For years I’ve said, I don’t make money on my book. But now I do!

Let me put this in perspective — there was NOTHING on the market like LACGAL when I wrote it. I had to do a whole market analysis of infidelity books and I was the only one out there not predicated on reconciliation. I had to PROVE that a market existed for this message. In the face of a lot of doubt — because in book publishing, you have to demonstrate how you’re like another book that sells. These people are betting money on you.

I took the risk for them. I self-published my first book, and when it went #1 on Amazon in Divorce, the first day it was out, and sat there for a week, traditional publishing took notice. I got an agent, that agent got a book deal, an audio deal, a TV option…

Oh hey, chumps exist. And they’re sick of the unicorn bullshit. You’re welcome.

So please know, that every time you buy my book and review it positively, you’re helping to change the narrative. You’re solidifying “Leave a Cheater” legitimacy. The marketplace speaks.

So what’s next? I hope to finish the second book this year. There’s a Tell Me How You’re Mighty podcast in the works — a project with a CN member who is a BBC radio presenter. And, now that we’re finally on the other side of a pandemic — CHUMPALOOZA!

For years we’ve talked about having a big chump conference, and thanks to a couple of mighty CN members, Rebecca and Maryse — it’s happening. I’ll post more details soon, but it looks like this fall, the weekend of Nov. 4 in suburban Baltimore at the Maritime Conference Center. We’ll have a Friday night happy hour, a Saturday full of programing, a kill-the-unicorn piñata — and UXWorld has offered to do a Tell Me How You’re Mighty version of Moth radio storytelling. Besides being a song parody champ, he’s a seasoned Moth performer! On Sunday Maryse is putting together some Baltimore field trips. So save the date!

I do hope to get out more this year. It’s been such a shot in the arm to meet CN members in London and in Boston. Maybe in time we can do other meetups and a yearly Chumpalooza. Definitely check out the new and improved Facebook community that has international meet-up listings! A big thanks to Maryse for creating and moderating that space and putting together a Super Team of mods. And a big shout out to the private Chump Nation community on Reddit! Join them too!

I’m continually amazed at this community. The kindness you show each other. The healed chumps who come back to help the newbies. The support, the snark, the resilience. Being Chump Lady is the most meaningful job I’ve ever had. And it’s a job I hope I can keep doing forever.

And now we come to the awkward NPR tote bag part of the segment. (I promised Rebecca I would do it… Here I am Rebecca!) Last year I came to a crossroads. For the last 7 years, while this place has grown and grown, I’ve worked a full-time journalism job and gotten up at 5 a.m. to write, then worked a full day, and clocked out to come home to 400 emails. I had so much ambition for this place, but zero bandwidth. By taking the leap of faith to commit to Chump Nation and finally finish some of those goals (like a second book, like a regular podcast, like other writing), I had to leave the security of my regular paycheck.

I have zero paywall. Those who need this place will never, ever have to pay for this community. That means no Substack, or the other means by which writers pay themselves. That leaves the annoying ads and Patreon. I need both to make this place exist. A minority of Patrons support the majority of readers. THANK YOU PATRONS.

Please consider joining Patreon.

You can make a one-time donation and quit the subscription. Or sign up. Eventually you get actual tote bags! And stickers and stuff. And there is a bunch of extra content there — some podcasts I did early on and other things. Pretty much though, Patreon exists to support my work here.

Please support my work. What’s it taken? 11 years? I’m finally treating this like the vocation that it is. I’m here for you. Happy blog-aversary!


Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Oh, and PLEASE subscribe! The subscribe button wasn’t working and now my IT guy says he’s fixed it. So would you please sign up? Any weirdness, email me. Thank you!

    • Thank you CL for agreeing to add a plug for Patreon.

      Patreon is the best way for chumps to “pay it forward” for everything you, Mr. CL, your blog and my fellow chumps do. We are a mighty force and the narrative WILL change.

      I know life has gotten insanely expensive (I’m stunned every time I go to the market 😳). Just to say that while Patreon has suggested donation amounts, you are able to enter any amount. Small amounts add up fast if enough people join the effort.

      I’m beyond excited to finally know that Chumpalooza is on the calendar!! 🎉👏🏻 It’s gonna be great and I can’t wait to meet fellow chumps in real life.

      • Supporting Tracy and the blog is one way to pay it forward to those who are as shocked, horrified, and desperate as we once were.

    • Congratulations!!!!! I still can’t join your Reddit group, I click the link & it says private. Someone help me please. Chumpalooza…..yes🎈🥳🎉

  • A HUGE congratulations to you, CL!!! Just like my public TV/radio support, I consider it an honor to support your work via Patreon. As so many say on here, your work (huge thanks to Mr CL for motivating you, does he have a brother?) quite literally saved my sanity.

  • When CL floated the idea of a Moth-style evening of storytelling at a Chumpapalooze, I responded immediately: “Tracy, I’d be lying to you if I said I hadn’t been fantasizing about an opportunity like this for the last seven years . . .”

    The prospect of having Chumps onstage, sharing their stories, their mightiness, their snark . . . in front of an audience that REALLY GETS IT? I can’t even.

    More from me on this as things develop, but I hope anyone able to attend will consider working with me to step up to the mic and give testimony to fellow members of Chump Nation. This will be an evening to remember.

    • I keep envisioning a stand up comedy routine. Except asking the audience who has been cheated on and who has cheated wouldn’t work too well with a chump audience. But the 1-800 infomercial (but wait, there’s more) would probably be familiar!

    • I am with you UX! I’m adding it to my calendar and working on a performance. Sheesh—something good has to come from all this tzuras! Mics don’t scare me and my pitch is good, so I am at your service.

      Tracy your master plan is brilliant! And thank you Mr. CL for all your sacrifice!

    • If we did such a thing, could the storytellers have the option to insist on No Videotaping? If I go to this soiree and participate, I dont want to compromise my anonymity

      • I appreciate your need for anonymity but it would be nice to put some faces to the names who have helped so many of us

    • Any chance of live-streaming this for those of us who have recently escaped the FW but are solo parents and can’t travel due to cost and/or lack of co-parent?

  • DEAR Tracy,

    Happy Anniversary!

    You saved my life with this blog. The least I can do is support you and keep coming back to help others. Sadly, infidelity is a tale as old as time and will be a tale in perpetuity. Thankfully, this means you will never be out of a job, and an extremely noble one at that. Your voice is the siren song of sanity in a world of noise and nonsense about cheating. The volume needs to be turned up up up up up.

    I’m putting in a request for a future Chumpalooza in the San Francisco Bay Area.

    • TYPO…

      “will be a tale told in perpetuity”

      Looking forward to the ability to edit here someday!


      • …..and Happy Anniversary to dear Mr CL, because beside dear Chump Lady is this kick ass superhero!

        Complementary capes are in order.

      • East, West, North, South…..I’m there! Would love to meet up with others in either ORD or DTW and have a Chump takeover of the plane!

        Congrats! I echo Velvet. You’ve saved my life and keep reaffirming my walk toward my future.

        THANK YOU!

      • That sounds like a great idea, but it should be pointed out that this event is a stones throw from BWI airport where some discount airlines (I know, they can be fraught with tedium) fly into for really cheap

  • So happy for you, CL! So so so happy! You deserve all of this goodness and buckets more. Happy happy 11th to the blog – an auspicious number for sure!

    A couple of ideas to consider as times go forward.

    I’d love to see an additional non-Patreon one-time donation option. If that ever does come to fruition, please let us know!!! (I know there’s a workaround. I don’t want to dump on Patreon because this is CL’s party and I want to 100% support, not detract in any way. Suffice to say, I don’t want to use it right now.)

    I joined the new FB community at the beginning. I did an initial post, then a few weeks later I posted that I was so grateful for CL and CN, and the boundaries I’ve learned from what she teaches go beyond just cheating are even extremely helpful for me while dealing with difficult siblings as trustee for my parent’s estate, and also with coping with the gut-punches I’m learning about my father sorting through his things. My post appeared there, then the next morning it was gone and I had been removed from the group without any warning or discussion.

    I know moderating is a thankless and herculean task. Perhaps it was a mistake, or a technology fluke, or maybe what I said really did offend someone or fall so far outside the curve of the terms for membership that my participation deserved an unannounced slashing. Bottom line, I’m not going to engage deeply in the FB presence if it’s that hard to stay approved. If I had that experience, maybe others have faced similar challenges. So, I hope happenings will always have alternative announcements and access options outside of FB (like here, which doesn’t require membership to get info. I realize security is an important consideration. May not be a simple solution.)

    Just a couple of things to consider. I don’t need personal reassurances or tech support, just sharing my own experiences for the data bank. 😊

    • Oh no — email me with the details so I can figure out what happened there. There are Facebook mod bots and CN mods, but our mods don’t ban or flag without explanation. So that’s very weird.

      As for a PayPal donate button or some such, I’ll consider it. Honestly, I moved away from it for tax and accounting reasons. (Patreon simplifies all of it, and as I said, not much bandwidth before.) But it’s a good idea and one that comes up often.

      • I can try again and pay more attention so I can give you a meaningful report if it happens again. I can’t really share much more than what I’ve shared here because I can’t even see that post in my own history now. This is the whole story, LOL!

        I will give it another shot with more monitoring (I was only popping in there once or less per day) and email you with specifics if another similar thing occurs. May just be technoshenanigans. I have learned to expect that from social media apps in general.


        • I got blocked once because a FaceBook bot auto blocked it because it didn’t like a word I used but didn’t understand context. Please try again, it would be nice to see you on FB.

          • Thanks, Friend. I finally got some time. Read through all the stuff. Thing is, only getting 3x to post anonymous is too restrictive. Having to explain to admins first is fine. (I see now how as I joined early I probably didn’t see the rule changes and lacked the required text for the anonymous post.) But the reality for me is that my ex has worked for every soc med tech org in the industry, so I would always need to post anonymously. Just not a good fit, in the end. This forum fits better. 💗💗💗

    • I don’t do Facebook because Facebook takes a deep dive into your phone and computer and grabs all information…took me months to find and remove all the stuff Facebook attached to my computer… I had to read about how to get deep into my computer to remove it. I know I’m one of very few who cares.

  • Happy birthday. I found this blog shortly after it started. Ten years and about 10 mths later, I read daily. Mr CL is personally responsible for keeping thousands out of prison. His statement “if it feels good, don’t do it” has saved many a FW. Not just chumps in court. CL you proclaimed what many believed, but they were hiding in the bushes, feeling like the only ones. For me the biggest accomplishment of this site is calling out gaslighting. I had no idea what it was, even though I had a 44 yr marriage, built on gaslighting.

  • Congratulations! You are the ultimate role model for Mighty! Found this site when it was 2 months old & I was freshly divorced. I jokingly say I have a PhD in Chump Lady Studies. I have read your book many times over & have read every column as well. I gave away my copy of your book to a chump in need & many times I’ve scribbled “Chump Lady” on a piece of paper & told the receipiant that in order to survive the chaos they must go to your site. I’ve also been a Patreon donor from the get go. Shout out to Mr. CL – we all love you too!

  • Thank you Tracy! And thank you Mr. Chumplady…….glad you found each other…..for both of you….and for the thousands of Chumps you both have helped!!!

  • Chump Lady – You’ve been a life saver! Just tried to switch my prior Patreon account to a new credit card and increase my monthly donation and was declined. Either I’ve been hacked or your system is currently overwhelmed (hoping for the later).

  • Happy anniversary! I’ve been with you for 10yrs now.❤️ Sadly, the first 5 of those years I wanted to believe “there was goodness in everyone” because I was programmed that way….yes, programmed as I was raised in a narc family dynamic and, thus, desensitized to abuse and accept toxic people/behaviors. It wasn’t until after FW#3 5.5 yrs ago I realized I had to fix my picker bc the one choosing to have these people in my life was me. Gurl! I went on a mission to fix my picker and take my life back with your resources at the forefront of my toolbox. I’ve since then included more resources but I read your blog daily as part of my continual education. I’ve been narc free in all areas of my life for 5 yrs now. I’m still rebuilding in some areas more than others (like finances) but I and my kids are healthy and happy. Thank you CL! Big cheers to you🥳

  • What a way to heal yourself and share this healing with the world. I remember early in my journey I was not ready for your message and it was too much for me. It took some time as I was in the mindfuck blender for almost 30 years. Eventually I was ready and I would spend sleepless nights reading your archives. SO much hope there. I am now three years free and I am actually super happy even working two jobs and raising teenagers alone! Thank you for ALL you do for the masses. I still read this every morning and I actually sleep at night! Mr Chump….. way to go to support your partner to do this.

  • Congratulations! I’ve been a daily reader and contributor since April 2015 when I learned that the reconciliation was based on fake Naugahyde remorse. It took a month of daily reading this site to tell XH to GTFO. I also fired the horrid sex addiction marriage counselor who knew my x was still cheating, had assaulted me, and that he’d been diagnosed as a narcissist with BPD – sociopath. The counselors never told me that the whole “treatment” plan would therefore never work. We spent over $10k with those fraudsters. I’ve been a happy CL patreon in the past and will sign up again today. I love the new Fb group and spend a lot of time there encouraging and supporting the new members who are in the darkest of times. I’m so happy for you, CL! I want all the best for you and the others here. 😘😘😘

  • Omg; I think I’m coming to the Chumpalooza in Baltimore! You saved my heart, my soul, my sanity and I still read daily. 6 years later! So privileged to have met both of you, please come back to Australia? I will sign up again for Patreon. I had to stop doing the tight finds of COVID. Your are amazing Tracy! Thank you for all you do!

  • Congratulations Miss Tracy aka: Chump Lady, Mr. CL and all of us here who are chumps!!! You did it!!!
    Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and my children. I bought your book and my son has read it. My daughter is only 12 but if she’s ever in a messed up situation, I will gladly let her borrow it or buy her her own. It’s good for all kinds of situations whether they’re romantic or a Work environment, relationship or family. It speaks volumes. I can’t imagine where I would be If I hadn’t found you and this community! I always promote your book or your website and try to be a better chump for those who are stepping into this realm of crazy.
    Again, congratulations!!! thank you for your humor, your spirit and your tenacity in all things. Please give Mr. CL a hug from the three of us here in Nevada and keep on keeping on!! we love you!!!! #ivereachedmeh #boombaby #chumpnationrocks #🤘🏼

  • To Tracy and Mr. CL, you have my gratitude, always. I am so lucky to have gotten your book early on, and to have had the column for ongoing support. My first comments were tentative, and as I answered questions and responded, I was able to say more and more about the abuse I endured and the frauds my ex perpetuated. You and Chump Nation gave me the strength and knowledge I was desperate to find. and the support I needed, especially during the pandemic. Thanks for building this phenomenal community and a strong response to those who would sweep cheating under the rug or deny its damage.

  • Congrats CL! Thank you for your service. Can there be a virtual option for the conference? Oh please oh please oh pretty pretty please…I have 3 children 3 years and under, limited funds, and no trustworthy baby-sitters :-/ I’d live to join in spirit.

  • Chumpalooza Midwest? Maybe in Chicago or Minneapolis? 🙂

    I hope the planning team considers recording or streaming the live event for the chumps who can’t make it to Baltimore this year. I’d be happy to recommend an AV contractor if needed (the one I use for my own conferences). 🙂

    • Put it in Milwaukee which is kind of in the middle so Chicago and MPLS chumps can meet there. Plus… it’s way cheaper than Chicago!

  • Baltimore!!!!??!! That’s my neck of the woods. I’ll put it on my calendar for sure!

  • I know exactly where the Maritime Conference Center is. I’ve got it on my calendar

  • Congratulations! Thank you! CL/CN Recovery from infidelity is a masterclass in taking care of myself and setting boundaries. One of the most important lessons I learned here is the healing power of NO CONTACT. I use it in many situations I don’t like..just walk away and don’t engage. Gives my space and calms the situation down. It’s the adult version of count to 10, take a deep breath, etc. I did monthly subscription, I now do annual one time payments. Best investment!

  • Hey Tracy, yay YOU! And thank you to your sweet smart hubby too. I’m thinking I will need to get my tush to Baltimore Nov 4. Sounds like a good time 🙂
    And I’ve been happy to contribute a little every month through Patreon. Hopefully we can all continue to change the rhetoric for chumps everywhere.

  • Happy Anniversary and thank you, thank you, thank you to Mr and Mrs CL!

    I’ve just joined patreon and will do the workaround for a one-time gift.

    I wish I could join you in Baltimore but I’ll be cheering on my daughter and her bf in the NYC marathon.

    I found you well after my divorce, which was mighty thanks to a smart attorney and the best therapist ever. But Tracy, you’ve kept me grounded and moving forward with your smarts and snark (things are never over, when dealing with a narcissist).

  • Congratulations Tracy and Mr CL!!! I’m a Patreon supporter (though at the lowest tier right now, hoping to go higher after the divorce is final) and I’m always happy when I see that little charge come through my bank account each month. You deserve so much more! I’m super excited to learn about Chumpapalooza WOW!!! Happy anniversary and here’s to many more! Thank you for all you do for CN.

  • Yes Congratulations to CL and heartfelt gratitude to Mr CL for supporting this into reality. Many lives and their dependents have been improved and even saved because of LACGAL and CN! This network is extremely important when dealing with intense emotional/physical/financial trauma and isolation. I agree a PayPal link would be useful too.

  • Thank you Mr and Mrs chump lady!!!! Saved life here! Thank you to the chump community and those running and supporting the zoom calls. Truly clutch and life saving two years ago for me! Another idea for a way we can both support Chumplady and the community… extra copies of the book and donate it. I’ve so far donated 11 extra books. Local libraries, domestic violence centers, community centers, friends of friends, etc. Chumplady gets money in book sales and we spread the good word! Cheers!!!!!

  • I am from Canada. I have been part of Chump Nation for 5 years. I am in! I will go wherever you plan a Chumpalooza!

  • Chump NATION is turning 11!! Wow, it’s hard to fathom that I’ve been bouncing around these halls for so long. Only 3 years shy of it’s inception…really!?!? Congrats to you, Tracy, for your unwavering dedication to saving lives.

    Please, please don’t forget to include all the mighty OG warriors who built, moderated, and contributed tirelessly to preserve the spirit of Chump Nation on Reddit for the last 6 or so years. Reddit itself might have a bad rap, but our private chump community has never once fallen prey to such a distinction.

    I’m so excited about the development of this event! Thanks to everyone who rolled up their sleeves to make it come to fruition.

    • OMG yes! Reddit! Thank you so much!!! And you win for not being a clusterfuck and having to recreate a whole community. You’ve been awesome from the start and I rewarded your sanity and commitment by overlooking you. Gah! Off to edit and fix my mistake now!

  • Thank you, Tracy and Mr. CL, for this blog. Like many others here, it has been a godsend through the tribulations of C#1, C#2, teenage stepchildren and everything else that life throws at us.

    Definitely looking forward to book #2.

  • 11 years! Wow! CONGRATULATIONS!! We love you, Tracy. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And thanks to Mr. CL.

    I’m a proud supporter of this site and encourage other chumps to donate if they are able. I want to keep CL going for selfish reasons and also so that future chumps will have this sane space to laugh, cry, and get support for leaving a cheater and gaining a life. 💪 ❤️

    Baltimore or bust!

  • Happy Anniversary! And many, many thanks to you and Mr. CL for all that you do.

  • ” And, now that we’re finally on the other side of a pandemic”

    No, we are not. We are on the other side of regular and reliable reporting of pandemic numbers. We are on the other side of pandemic protections for immunocompromised/disabled/high risk chumps like myself. But we are absolutely not on the other side. Covid remains the 3rd leading cause of death and a major cause of disability.

    • Truth, marissachump. Thank you so much for saying that, from an immunocompromised chump. Most people don’t care enough about us to even cover their mouths when they cough, let alone socially distance themselves or wear masks.

      My last shot screwed up my immune system so badly that I got a severe gastrointestinal infection, then a sinus infection. It’s been three months and I still haven’t recovered. I dare not go anywhere crowded like a conference. ☹

      • Thank you for supporting my comment and I am so sorry to hear about what you experienced! I have long COVID lung damage from getting it in March 2020 and there is no part of me wishing to play Russian Roulette on my life, health, and safety with a crowded unmasked conference. I am ESPECIALLY traumatized by this prospect after my cheater ex used to try to kill me and threaten to kill me through my shitty immune system (ex weaponized my immunocompromised status intentionally) and all the unprotected cheating.

  • Congratulations! Altho, saying ‘congrats’ instead of THANK YOU for saving my life doesn’t seem strong enough.

    You are endlessly inspiring – who else in this community or world could drag themselves out of the tar pits of despair and work to change the narrative? And in doing so, changed all of our lives for the better.

    You’re part of the pantheon: Rosa Parks, RBG, Gloria Steinem, Tracy Shorn…

    ‘Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some have greatness thrust upon them’ – W. Shakespeare after learning about Chumplady (probably)

  • Thank you Tracy Schorn for your book! God and your book, Chump Lady and Chump Nation saved my life!!! Congratulations!!!!

  • All I kept telling myself was, the Pain is finite. At the time I didn’t believe it. Thank you Tracy and Mr CL for touching so many lives with your wisdom, snark, cartoons and perseverance. I know you saved mine.
    Congratulations on your amazing book, your, 11th birthday and hitting #1.
    I can’t wait for Baltimore Chumpalooza!

  • Wow! Eleven. I didn’t know some parts of the history, but thanks for giving us the big picture.

    I had to go look at my Amazon history to see when I bought the e-book, and it was when I had been divorced for nearly a year. My superstar attorney (like a big brother to me) and my twelve-step group had got me through a lot, but Chump Lady clarified so very much for me.

    I don’t remember how I heard about it, but it was timely. My ex’s attorney had died of COVID, and my ex was repeatedly trying to play lawyer, dragging out closeout. I think I was still trying to make sense of it all when there was no sense in it.

    Even post-divorce, I got so much out of it and continue to read here. Baltimore in November might be doable. I hope so.

  • Like many chumps, I found CL through some desperate, late-night googling quite a few years ago.
    And also like many chumps, I didn’t immediately embrace the LACGAL message.
    For about two years, I lurked, read the archives, read and re-read the book… and then I left the cheater.
    The five years since then have been arguably the best years of my life. The life I’ve gained surpasses anything I could have dreamed for myself.
    And as of today, I’m not just a CN member, I’m a Patron.
    Vive la chump révolution!

  • Huzzah! Congratulations. LACGAL has been instrumental for me to leave my cheating FW this year. I can’t tell you how many people I told they need to read it. Even people who haven’t been cheated on I have told them to read it. Maybe next year I can go to the con once I get my finalized divorce and more financially stable.

    Once again congratulations and thank you and the CL Nation for everything.

  • Happy Anniversary Tracy! My Tuesday was ages ago so I’m one of the lucky ones on the other side who tries to pay it forward to the new Chumps when I have something relevant to say. I’m a Patreon subscriber and will stay your subscriber as long as you’re willing to keep fighting to make the world a better place for all Chumps. The Chump Meet-Up we had in Columbus pre-pandemic was one of the highlights of that year and I hope I’ll get another opportunity to see you at Chumpalooza. Thanks again for all you and Mr. C. have done and continue to do for us.

  • Happy Blogaversary CL and Mr. CL! I found your site back in 2013. I was on my third year of wreckconciliation with cheater ex and unfortunately your blog was not around in 2010.

    I was really questioning my decision to stay by the end of year 1 but my marriage counselor and all the RIC sites just told me to “make the marriage a better place to be!”

    Finally in 2013 someone linked your blog to the RIC site I frequented and after devouring your archives I knew I didn’t have a unicorn as I once believed. I read your articles about Naugahyde remorse and cake eating and it was like finding water in the desert after going without for so long. Your aunt’s story about her walls singing again helped me start envisioning a life without the cheater. Something was really hard for me to do after 27 years of marriage.

    I did it though. By the end of 2013 I filed and three months later the divorce was final and I’ve never once looked back!

    I don’t contribute on the blog much anymore but I am a loyal Patreon. I owe you and CN a debt of gratitude! Thanks for all you do!

  • Happy Anniversary —- Imagine the comfort and clarity you have provided to millions of chumps over the course of the last 11 years… small feat to be sure …like so many others, you, Mr. CL by extension, and this blog literally saved me during my deepest and darkest times….. I hope to be in Baltimore with bells on!!

  • Date saved!
    I am a Patreon.
    CL and CN and the Mighty Way of Living After Being Chumped are straight out of Viktor Frankl: “it is through suffering that we reaffirm our life project”. A member of CN introduced me to Frankl and his book “Man’s Search for Meaning” is on my nightstand

    • I wonder if it was me. I tell people about that book all the time. I’m starting to read No Mud, No Lotus now. Trying to find growth and meaning from suffering is important to me. I want to keep moving forward from the mud!

  • Bon Anniversaire!!

    Number 11! Some people say 11 is the “angel number.” All I know is that it was my favorite age as a kid where all the most magical things about childhood– imaginative play, laughing ourselves sick, open heartedness and feeling fused with nature– peak and start overlapping with adult awareness of serious global events and responsibility towards the world and other people.

    I catch a lot of that “playful magic” + “meaningful cause” vibe on this forum which is the feeling I’ve always gotten from grass roots efforts that move and shake and make actual progress. What a generous and wonderful thing for CL and Mr. CL to do to launch and tend a “chump party” (both senses).

    That said– rant alert– I’m getting more and more riled up about Google’s infamous search engine optimization manipulation which had been bad for years but has gotten balls-out Orwellian over the past two ( There’s no way some of the crap books listed on the first search page under nonfiction/divorce/infidelity are outselling or are more buzzed about than LACGAL which, even after seven years, is #23 on Amazon under that heading.

    I’ve added that to my list of political peeves which says a lot. Part of the mission of the environmental health publication I worked for for over a decade was watchdogging SE deoptimization of critical, fact-based environmental and political perspectives. The publication tracked how important research and information were being “disappeared” or getting relegated to the “Netherlands” of search and how this impacts what most people “think they think” and “believe they believe” to be true (regardless of reality). It’s almost as if scandals about conservative views being banned or deoptimized weren’t just bias but doubled as cynical red herrings to distract MSM-dependent liberals from the systematic burying of information of classic “liberal” interest that discomfits Google’s industrial partners. As a die-hard lefty, that scares me.

    Anyway, even if (like a lot of my generation) I’d probably started out dismissing the issue of adultery as some kind of minor sitcom theme or overwrought relic of romantic literature and hardly rising to the level of political importance of toxic dumping, deadly third world drug trials, chemical spills, femicide and sex trafficking, I’m starting to understand how adultery overlaps with intimate partner violence. It’s “optimized” how I rank the issue in terms of importance.

    The key thing is that, regardless of how anyone ranks the relative social importance of “cheating,” sometimes an issue’s measure of import isn’t only in how important the truth is but how serviceable the lie is to certain negative agendas. Look at the amount of time, effort and money is being poured into overcoming rising public prohibitions against adultery which, contrary to claims of apologists, are unrelated to to any rise in fundamentalist religious views. Public prohibitions really are rising: Gallup polls over the past twenty years show public acceptance for adultery plummeting while, simultaneously, acceptance of gay marriage keeps going up. That in itself puts the lie to Perelista claims that public views on adultery are divided between “groovy sex pozzy” vs. “uptight puritanical.” It’s also a hint that the Perel/RIC view is being artificially promoted by SEO and the media. The question is why promote a lie and who benefits? As it happens, that view is suspiciously convenient to the global streaming porn industry which Google invested $34 billion in the same year LACGAL was published. The view also arguably fuels #MeToo backlash in sneaky ways by eroding public concepts of consent and casting whistleblowers as “sex-neggy” whiners. It smells like “Pravda” and that’s always important.

    End of rant. But let the rant boost the volume of my congrats and “Happy Anniversary.”

    • “As it happens, that view is suspiciously convenient to the global streaming porn industry which Google invested $34 billion in the same year LACGAL was published. The view also arguably fuels #MeToo backlash in sneaky ways by eroding public concepts of consent and casting whistleblowers as “sex-neggy” whiners. It smells like “Pravda” and that’s always important.”

      Bingo. It also benefits hook-up and dating websites and shit like Onlyfans, which is all big money.

      • Since women are the product being sold, I’ll bet behind-the-scenes misogyny is off the charts at dating app companies. I’d also guess industry has a secret profit algorithm for increasing the divorce rate by marketing to married users who, if hooked, soon turn into single users.

  • Congratulations! This is so awesome. The book helped me so much. I live abroad, so I’m not sure if shipping all the goodies makes sense, although I’m a collector of mugs. Will look into subscribing and attending.

    • Update, I just subscribed. This blog and the book was the best, most straightforward advice in the 15 months since D Day, and I’m very much in support of you keeping this going for future Chumps.

  • EXTRAORDINARY!! Signed sealed & delivered. You have a place in the annals of history. CHUMPS SPEAK OUT—-WHAT????? No!!! SILENCE FOOL! But we cannot, we must not allow a hand over the mouth Sshhhhhhhh and Just keep on the unicorn hunting spree!!! No way!! Tracy, you will mark a corner of the world Market and have already changed MY narrative. I sit in the front row at church, I say MY HUSBAND CHEATED just like I would say, HELP IM BEING MUGGED!! I use examples with Switzerland people describing putting your money in the bank and then somebody helps themselves to your portfolio!!! No FAIR you cry? Why not?
    I feel a sistership to those who have been tortured( abused) and know if we stand by silently we keep the secrets. No one wins and I am hurt to my soul’s core. Speaking up, I hear my voice. I can move forward. Yes I was 2x chumped and never again, because I will not marry( 70 is a beautiful ❤️ time to stop and look at ME Again). But Tracy gave me back the dignity that leaked out of every pore of my body. I’m healing with grace and courage. Thank you Tracy and my STBXH thanks you because he can’t get me back to keep the punishment going and to blind side me ever again. I see his kind in your books, blogs and archives and I’ve got his act down. You saved me Tracy. Got git em and thank you Mr CL for supporting your Mrs. CL.We all need wind under our wings.

  • Happy 11th Mr & Mrs CL! Thank you for everything, I come here daily, it’s help keep me in one piece. Your public service is priceless, you’ve saved so many lives. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  • You’re the best!

    I feel guilty. I did Patreonize you for a year or two and then my finances took a nosedive. But I will restart it before July.

  • That is incredible! I would love to go to that conference if at all possible. I hope Covid dies down more by then.
    Thanks to those wonderful CN members who made our conference dreams come true.
    Heartfelt thanks to CL and Mr. CL.❤👏👏

    Question; I have come into a bit of extra money and would like to make a sizeable donation to the blog, but I do not trust Patreon. I had some problems with PayPal in the past and I’m hyper security conscious. Is there any way to send a money order to a P.O. box or something?

    • I would like to do the same but I imagine it’s a security issue for Mr. and Mrs. CL. Trolls and such.
      If I attend the conference, I could hand her 💵

      • Renting a post box would solve that issue, rather than the donations going to CL’s home. I highly doubt anybody would send pipe bombs to CL. You can send a money order completely anonymously. It’s how I buy stuff without revealing my bank info. Unless CL is a registered charity, you won’t get a tax deduction, so you need not provide your address. It’s also easy for CL just to take photos of money orders to report the income.

      • I’ve read threats directed towards Tracy that were removed from the comments section. All of us here know there are disordered wingnuts in the world, along a spectrum.

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you … I really cannot thank you enough. I do not know how I would be getting through all of this without you 💜

  • Happy birthday, Chump Lady!

    Here’s to many noteworthy future anniversaries and royalty checks.

  • Thank you CL & Mr. CL & all of CN!
    You keep me sane❤️❤️❤️

    CL, you were my first ever Patreon subscription when you introduced it to support your blog & I will continue to support you through it for as long as I am able. Your work is so very important to change the narrative on infidelity & emotional abuse. May your message be heard around the world.
    Viva la ChumpLady!
    Happy 11th Anniversary🥂🍾Na zdrowie!

  • Congrats!!! I am a daily reader and patreon supporter. Finding this blog was a true turning point in my life. My divorce was final this year and I am better off in every single way. Happier, healthier, and wealthier. I never imagined when I found this blog that this would be my outcome. It is 100% due to CL’s posts and the amazing comments on each one that I am no longer trapped in my own personal hell. I am forever in your debt Tracy!

  • Tracy, THANK YOU and Happy 11th Bday to CL and CN!! BIG Congratulations on taking a leap (or more accurately, a series of leaps) and succeeding!!! You are SO mighty and I am forever grateful to you for your bravery and tenacity to stand up to the RIC and provide an outlet that was and is so desperately needed. And thank you for reminding us just how amazing Mr. CL is and that he deserves some real kudos and credit from all of us out here who have found solace and guidance through CL and CN. You and Mr. CL are both wonderful humans and I honestly do not want to think about where I would be right now if it weren’t for your posts and your community to knock some sense into me and get me through my divorce. The importance of what you do can not be overstated. Happy to support both via Patreon and by ordering your book with the intent to gift it directly to the next friend or loved one who shows signs of needing it. Thanks to you, I don’t need it anymore, and am happily free and thriving! You deserve EVERY bit of success that has come your way, and every single bit of praise and gratitude that you receive.

  • Adding my thanks and congrats to the chorus! Add me to the “literal lifesaver” camp, too. CL, I know chumps have your heart, and we yours, but your message is for everyone. I am so grateful for your vision, persistence, brilliance and snark. Mr. CL, thanks for your behind the scenes work and THANK YOU for “If it feels good, don’t do it.” Better than a cricket on the shoulder.

    Hope to make it to Baltimore! Have never attended anything remotely like this, but how could I not? Also, I’m sorry: got a new credit card and when I realized I needed to add said new card to re-up my Patreon subscription… it kept failing and then slipped my mind; will give it another shot this eve. And finally, great news about the book! I purchased multiple copies of your book a couple years back and was bummed to learn none of the proceeds went your way. Have since given all of them away to chumps in need, so this advance news is extra incentive to purchase more. Bet I’m not alone. Hope today’s FC plug gives you a well-deserved boost!

    • “and you, ours” meant to say (still haven’t learned to proofread here…)

  • I’m so excited about all of this!!! I’m marking nov 4 on the calendar and cannot wait for the new book. I am rooting for CL success, especially given everything she has FREELY given to us.

    Happy to contribute small amount each other on Patreon!

  • Thank you CL and Chump Nation. I will financially support as much as I can.
    You were never wrong but I doubted you many times. I kept reading but also kept thinking that my ex- husband was not so selfish, so bad, so horrible, so cruel. In fact, he was worse than I could have imagined if I were to create a bad movie character.

  • So sad to miss the CN convention. I’ll be on my way to South Africa on the vacation of a lifetime. I’m a Patreon member for many years. CL and CN literally saved me. Out West.

  • Congratulations on the 11 year anniversary❣️
    The LACGAL insistence on getting a consultation with an attorney was so important to me. I kept thinking if FW would just get off the pills life could go back to normal. Me getting a consult that I hoped I would not need became the beginning of me taking my power back, at that point it was the knowledge I needed.
    The lawyer laying out the likely outcome and his advice about getting a credit card in my name, moving lots more money to my previously opened bank account for safe keeping from addict was invaluable. LACGAL served as a guide book for me. Married 36 years when filed a couple of months after consult. Thank you.
    I often promote the LACGAL book.

  • Congrats on your Blogaversary! I’m forever grateful that I stumbled upon CL when I was manically consuming every book and article related to infidelity. I know now that was my “Untangling the Skein” phase. I also learned that I’m a helluva untangler.

    The wisdom and humor from the book, the posts, and the community gave me the support I needed to leave my cheater and begin my march to Tuesday.

    I would love to make it to Chumpalooza Baltimore this Fall. I’m also putting my vote in for a West Coast location.

    For all my sisters and brothers in Chumpdom, may the unicorns quickly reveal themselves to be the stuff of fantasy, may your lives be FW-free, and may Tuesday come quickly.

  • Happy anniversary Chump Lady!!! What a find you have been in my life! Thanks to Mr. CL for all his support, to us and to you. What a dynamic team you both are, doing the most good!
    I’m excited to get my hands on that new book of yours. Can’t wait!
    LACGAL I bought maybe 8-10 times for friends and have read it three times myself. To be understood and seen on the level you see chumps has been the most comforting thing to experience. This community soooo gets it, I didn’t think I would ever be able to make someone in my life really understand, even if they really wanted to. It needs to be experienced to be in the know and we’re not wishing that on anybody.
    Your blog has really changed the game. So getting “chumped” is something that other people in the world are also going through or have been through and I’m really not isolated and crazy with my reactions to this?! Just knowing that has been massive to my healing journey.
    I contribute to patreon and I am also subscribed to your site now. ( thought I already was, but maybe not) As soon as I figure out how to give a one time donation for your big anniversary, in addition to my continual monthly, I will definitely do that. The work you put into this, should be compensated, but I really love that the site is free. I’m not bothered by the flashing adds that appear, just like commercials on tv, I blow them off. If they help keep the site free for all that need it, it’s worth the peripheral annoyance to do that.
    Baltimore is so exciting to think about, maybe a possibility on that, I will really consider it. It would be thrilling to meet you and some other chumps I’ve come to know and love on your site. It’s a site of such caring, giving folk, the kind you least want to get hurt in the world and wish them the most good.
    The wisdom here has been incredibly helpful and so generously offered. So many times I am awed by the wisdom I glean here, it’s quite an education. I have saved so many quotes and countless tidbits of advise that have already come in really handy and continue to do so. So thankful it’s here!
    I’m honored and blessed to be a part of this community and love the sound of it being around for a good long while, so we can continue to save as many chumps as we possibly are able. That feels so right. 🌷

  • Happy 11th birthday, CL, Mr.CL, and The Mighty Chump Nation!!! Thank you doesn’t convey enough for me to acknowledge all that you’ve done for divorce recovery…
    Since May of 2015, I’ve been a member – deep in the throes of DDay, wreckonciliation, GTFO-day, etc. and this community literally saved my life.

    Fast forward to now, I’ve been successfully single – meaning, I’ve been working on myself, I’ve been acknowledging prior bad habits that led me to become a chump in the first place (not one, but two ex-husbands, both shitty humans)… I’ve lived in MEH-Topia for years focusing on myself, my Autistic daughter, my work (I’m almost able to retire) and learning how to fix my picker.
    Co-dependency, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection all reared their ugly heads the last few months when I attempted to date someone – I made the choice for myself to dump him after a few weeks, because I recognized I was falling back on old patterns and behaviors that I’ve done my whole life….
    I’m in the Facebook group, and I plan to attend Chumpalooza!
    Viva la ChumpRevolution! Happy birthday!!!🎊🎂🎉

  • Happy anniversary, Chump Lady and thanks to Mr. CL! I’ve been coming here for years. It was here I really learned that people who lie don’t lie because I’m too demanding, but because they want to make life easier for themselves, and I lie to myself when I tell myself disrespect is something I have to swallow to keep a relationship.

  • CL and Mr. CL,
    The gratitude I have for the existence of the empire that has been created here is beyond what a mere mortal can express.

    Happy blogaversary!
    With love, BDU

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