My D-day was two years ago. OW, aka the Yoga Whore, is a woman who had met Porky Pig on a beach vacation when they were 14 years old. She hadn’t seen him or been in contact with him in 46 years but, when her second marriage failed, she looked him up on LinkedIn and contacted him. That, of course, was a megadose of centrality-kibbles for the Pig. Two months after they re-connected, she posted on Instagram that they were moving in together. (At the time, she lived in a different state.) Twu luv moves fast!
I did not do the pick-me dance in any way, shape, or form. My daughter was 14 at the time. I was determined that what she would learn through all of the turmoil was that women do not need a man to be happy, and that when “bad” things happen in life, you hold your head up and soldier on. In Michelle Obama’s words, “When they go low, we go high.” My divorce was final this year.
Here’s my confusion:
Despite my complete disconnect from the Pig, (the only contact we have is via email and concerns our daughter or items from the separation agreement), the Yoga Whore, who moved here to be with the Pig (although they’re not married because cohabitation was negotiated into her divorce) continues to stalk my daughter and me.
She shows up at various events that my daughter volunteers at, or at the coffeehouse my daughter likes. She constantly drives through our neighborhood. She has snuck into my garage and let the air out of the tires on my car and vandalized my home. (I cannot prove to the police that she did this, but I know it was her…). She waits on the walking trails that adjoin my house and follows me when I walk the dog. She doesn’t try to stop me or talk to me, she just walks behind me.
Yesterday, I had a team tennis match. She showed up during the match and stood just behind the fence of the court I was playing on so I could see her. She just stood there and stared. I ignored her, didn’t even mention it to my doubles partner until after the match was over.
WTF is her problem?
I have never met her, spoken to her, or had any form of communication with her. I have never tried to “fight” her for the Pig. I have not made any trouble for her (while my friends know who and what she is, I haven’t posted her on cheater sites or contacted her employer — a Yoga studio that bills itself as a safe haven for all).
We talk about “bunny boilers” here, and I get that kind of crazy when the cheater has decided to dump a psycho OW and go back to the wife (eff Hollywood). But in this case, the Yoga Whore “won”! Do these women boil bunnies even if they have gotten no blowback from the chump? Is that the track she’s on? Should I be worried?
I hope you can shed some light on this for me. I will close with a quote from her “professional” bio:
(New Age yoga blather)*
Mehny Rivers to Cross
PS: I’m attaching a screen grab of her bio so you can see that this is real. BTW, while she claims in her bio to play tennis, she doesn’t. I can only suspect she included that for my benefit… what a freak show. God, I wish the UBT could translate her bio……it’s just too classic.
Editors note: What appears — If smugness could hold the Lotus pose.
- Removed tagline for anonymity but yoga blather is pretty ubiquitous.
Dear Mehny Rivers to Cross,
Wow. She’s certainly managed to get inside your head. Which isn’t surprising given she’s trying to menace you. Yikes! Yes, I would be worried. She sounds completely deranged.
But then again I think the cheese slipped off the cracker with your ex too. He falls in love on LinkedIn? And moves her in after two months? (Between what? Improving articles on updating resumés?)
She doesn’t sound stable. I’ll take a stab (probably bad verb choice) at untangling her scary little skein in a moment, let’s begin with the practical stalker advice — take it seriously.
Build a document trail. Presumably you reported the vandalism to the cops. You can also tell them who you suspect did it. If they don’t believe you? Okay. You’re still building a document trail. (And why wouldn’t they believe you? So many crimes are committed on people who know the perpetrator.)
Get one of those Nest-type security systems. (No affiliate link, I’m just linking to show what I’m talking about.) Put cameras on your doors. Which really, as a woman living alone you all should be doing anyway. (No, I don’t like the world we live in either. And it’s not fair. But that’s my advice.)
Have your lawyer send her a cease and desist letter, as the first step in formal harassment charges. Talk to your lawyer about the stalking laws in your state. When you send her the letter, cc the local police and cc her place of employment.
I had to do this with the OW in my chump story. (Well, the long-term OW among OW.) My situation was cyber harassment. Emails. Spam. Signing me up on dating sites and political campaigns (of the other party). Filling in all sorts of personal details (to fuck with my head that she knew them) and insults (because pick me dance…)
And it’s the gift that keeps giving. I did an identity theft check on myself last week (got an alert) and found her ADDRESS on one of my credit profiles. So… yeah, good times.
Anyway, my point is — normal people don’t makes these kinds of transgressions. Disordered people do, so don’t brush it off.
Also don’t confront it on your own. As tempting as it would be to walk across that tennis court, stand to your full height, and tell the bitch to fuck off — she wants engagement. She desperately wants triangulation kibbles. She feeds on this energy. You completely did the right thing to ignore her. You choked off kibble supply. Keep at it.
Of course she should be confronted and told to fuck off — but by third-party professionals — the legal system and law enforcement.
Now, to the skein.
WTF is her problem?
She’s an OW. Which means she thrills to the pick me dance, and you’re a wallflower at the Batshit Cotillion. You won’t dance.
How’s she going to maintain her superiority if you won’t dance? Surely, you want to compete for LinkedIn Love! How dare you move on with your life? She’ll just insert herself everywhere you are and REMIND you that she’s the WINNER of the shit pile you divorced without a backwards glance.
How can she do this?
Because you loom very large in HER head. While you might not be pick-me dancing, she sure is. That man of hers has obligations. He has put other Gods before her — a daughter and an ex-wife. It doesn’t matter how negligent he is, or minimal a presence in your daughter’s life, or yours — you exist. And if you’re batshit, that’s enough.
Cheaters also love to keep everyone off balance. More kibbles. So, if you unnerve her, that’s probably a win for him.
And he may have other hypotenuses (cheaters often do), and she may assume it’s you. (As you are the last known hypotenuse and she’s Very Special so it can’t be anyone else…)
The best thing you can do is extract yourself from this toxic geometry problem.
Call a lawyer. Buy a security camera. Please be safe.
P.S. I suggest the current carry her to the nearest psych ward.
This one ran previously. I hope Mehny and her daughter are safe and weigh in.