If you were on social media this weekend you probably saw the controversy about Sarah Brady, the ex-girlfriend of actor Jonah Hill, exposing her text messages between the two. It was a classic example of the weaponization of therapy speak.
What do you get when you go to counseling with a jerk? A jerk with a whole new vocabulary to mindfuck you with.
Weaponizing therapy speak is when someone uses psychological concepts to control their partner under the guise of enlightenment. It should be a familiar tactic to anyone on this blog.
Oh, why did I cheat on you? How dare you bring this up! Discussing the mistake will trigger my toxic shame. So no, I won’t answer your questions about where I was last night. I’m very fragile right now.
See how that works? It’s an insidious form of DARVO — deny, attack, reverse victim offender. The control — don’t ask me questions when I’m shady — is hidden under a cloak of psychobabble. The bad actor is hard done by and you’re a raging rhinoceros of insensitivity. Ergo, shut up. See also Timid Forest Creatures.
In the case of Jonah Hill, he seems confused on the concept of “boundaries.” Instead of exercising them, (don’t date hot women) he uses the word to bludgeon his girlfriend into compliance about her appearance and behavior.
I have no idea if Sarah Brady had “boundary-less inappropriate friendships with men” — or if she just looks hot in a bikini — but if it was a problem for Jonah Hill he should’ve exercised HIS boundaries and broken up with her. Justly or unjustly, it would not have been open for discussion, because it would be his boundary. That’s the thing with boundaries — you let go of how they’re received. You just enforce them.
But what he’s doing instead is policing her and calling it “boundaries.”
The Reconciliation Industrial Complex, by the way, promotes this nonsense. Police your marriage! Everyone is a potential relationship threat, so don’t be alone with the potentially attractive. Wear an ankle monitor and report to your GPS overlords. It’s Mike Pence and Mother.
No. You only control YOU.
Trying to control others is doomed to failure, or ever-escalating means of control. (Try violence! Voter suppression! Or zip-ties!)
So, Jonah, pro tip — don’t date 25-year-old surfers. For starters, you’re a 39-year-old man and that’s creepy. You can’t handle a trophy girlfriend. Try Tinkertoys or pet rocks. Construct a girlfriend out of Play-doh and call her Cindy. Actual flesh-and-blood women appear to be too much for you.
Jonah Hill’s future girlfriend heading to the beach with her friends pic.twitter.com/k4Cu32sgkd
— Ragnarok Lobster (@eclecticbrotha) July 9, 2023