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A Shout Out to Stalking Cheater Exes

It’s come to my attention that some of you are stalked here at Chump Nation by your cheating exes. Generally this happens when deep in the throes of chumpiness, you send your cheater an article from this site in a futile effort to get them to Understand Your Pain.

This is about as effective as trying to teach your pet rock Swahili… but the point is, folks, don’t share your safe place with fuckwits, okay? Keep it anonymous. Some creepy exes try to hunt down familiar screen names or cyberstalk to use your posts against you in court.

These people suck.

Pity their kibble affliction, the way they desperately crave centrality. So today, stalking cheaters, I’m a throwing you a squeaky chew toy. Here’s a column JUST FOR YOU! Revel in it. Share it on your social media. Hell, go share it with your chump!


Dear Fuckwit,

Welcome to Chump Lady! I’m sure you will find the content here extremely uncomfortable. Like flay-the-skin-off-your-face-spinning-off-your-motorcycle-into-a-pit-of-gravel kind of uncomfortable. That’s intentional. I don’t write for you. I write for the person you gutted with betrayal.

Gutted. Isn’t that the sort of hyperbolic, over-the-top, victim-speak with which you take exception? Who are we to discuss the shitty things you do and compare notes? How dare we have a little corner of the Internet devoted to your ridicule. The affair was an Exuberant Act of Defiance! A Singular Mistake! A couple dozen dating profiles and secret cell phone plan! It’s not like you meant to hurt your chump intentionally. They’re just a spot of collateral damage on the path to greater self-actualization and furtive orgasms.

FW, I’m not going to try and explain the chump experience for you. Umefungwa sana. (That’s Swahili for “You are awfully dim-witted.”) If you can’t figure out how devastating infidelity is and how very much you suck by observing your own sobbing/catatonic/furious partner, I seriously doubt my blog can help you.

But help is not why you’re here, is it? I mean, I know chump pain is intoxicating (speaking of furtive orgasms) — the way it seems all about you. Seeing yourself discussed might remind you fondly of the ol’ pick-me-dance. (I MATTER!!! ME! ME! ME!) But FW, it’s not about you. This place is for chumps, to claim their mightiness and leave you to the irrelevance you so richly deserve.

What? There are KIBBLES here and they aren’t for YOU?

Yes. It’s tragic when we have to share the kibbles, isn’t it? Let me hold your hand. Now twist it behind your back… and… stick your head in a toilet. This will make our relationship stronger. Trust me!

You’ll be happy to know that there is the entire rest of the internet to bless with the wonderfulness that is you. Your fetid brand of narcissistic cluelessness isn’t welcome here, but if you insist on sticking around, I’m sure Chump Nation will have some choice words for you in the comments.

Besides, don’t you have something better to do? Like screw a teenage intern, sprinkle medicated powder on your pubic lice, or read an Esther Perel article?

Yours fuck-off-ishly,

Chump Lady


This one ran previously. Still at a conference.

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  • Now I want to rent a billboard on a major road that reads “We Love Tracy Schorn. Viva la Chump Nation!”

    You are my hero, CL.

  • “Sprinkle medicated powder on your pubic lice“ Hahahahhaa

    Honestly you make me smile every single day. Bless you!

    Thank you for the chump support.

  • Also to the newbies… careful of what you text/put in writing to any person (including your minor kids) that can show said text/comment to your ex. Especially if it mentions anything about abuse. It can (and will be) used against you potentially in a court of law. This just recently happened to a friend of mine….the son is 17, he is mad at his mom after he found out she has a boyfriend (she has been divorced for a year but her son expected her to stay single), so he proceeds to share personal text between him/mom with narc and very abusive dad, and the narc/abusive dad proceeds to go to his lawyer saying that she is alienating him for their son bc she told her son that their dad emotionally and mentally abused them after said son was bitching about his dad to he. Now, she is in a legal battle.

    • It must be horrible for your friend! Her X has done the very thing he’s trying to accuse her of, turning their son against her! That’s evil!
      I agree it’s best to write little to no personal details about any aspect of yourself or life on the net, but I see this site as safe, for myself anyway, as I highly doubt my X has even heard of it. I hadn’t only glanced at it a few times before I made him leave, having been directed here from Mumsnet. He knew I was on MN a lot, but had been showing next to no interest in me nor my life for a good few months by the time I fist looked on CN.
      I do think it’s best not to spill your guts on SM though! Absolutely not!

      • This site is safe…if your user name is anonymous and you keep it that way. Otherwise, you could be opening a can of worms.

        • Might not be a bad idea to use Hide My Email on your phone (or something comparable) to generate an anonymous email when commenting. Just one more step to ensure confidentiality.

      • Thank you for sharing! Unfortunately for my friend, it’s written in her parenting plan to not talk disparagingly about the other parent to the children in any capacity especially about abuse and biblically. I was shocked that she (and her lawyer) allowed that in the PPA….however, I am in the South so there’s that🙄. They are Baptist so there’s a whole bunch of controlling stuff in her PPA. She is now regretting allowing that shit in there in the first place.

  • Silence/no contact is a chump’s best friend. It takes back power in a way eerily similar to the cheater’s behavior. It maximizes the chance for a fair settlement and promotes healing for the chump and children.

    This blog is a safe haven. Do not invite the person who hurt you.

  • NEWSFLASH — The Tell Me How You’re Mighty podcast IS NOW ON ITUNES!!!! Please follow! Thanks!!!

  • Every cheater is a person who is quite literally willing to physically maim, dismantle, and kill the partner they’re deceiving.

    Lying to a person about intimate contact sets up a non-consensual sexual scenario. The illnesses the partner gets exposed to can cause multiple diseases. Those diseases can result in immune system failure, cancer, early onset dementia, other permanent physical damages of varying kinds, and literal death. And that isn’t even starting down the road of the complex PTSD a partner AND the involved children often receive.

    I know, liars, that you don’t give a shit about any of this. I’m not trying to create empathy in that gaping hole you so casually pretend is a soul. This is just to say that when we say you are a total failure as a human being, who doesn’t deserve a nanosecond more of a partner’s time or attention, it’s not hyperbole.

    There’s no apology, excuse, or justifier that can come close to counterbalancing a cavalier willingness to do things that can maim or kill an unwitting intimate partner.

    You are, simply, the worst. You don’t deserve us, or anyone like us. You never did. You aren’t special or different. You’re just another cheap liar.

    Want to change that story? Get single, start therapy, take meds if you need them, and plan to never, ever stop the therapy, and, if you need them, meds. What is broken in you needs a lifetime of work, and you have to be single for a long time while you do it.

    But you don’t want to change that story, do you?

    You just want to get better looking like you’ve changed it. So you can kill a few more chumps for a cheap thrill.

    This is why we dismiss you. WOLO. And we live much, much better without you.

    • Love this Amiisfree. The only thing I would add to how to change the story is for them to focus first and foremost on being a good parent to their children and to work in harmony with the other parent while they are working on themselves.
      But I agree, they don’t actually want to change the story if it means they have to do something that doesn’t put their need of the moment front and center.

      • I was catching up with my kids’ counselor yesterday and telling her all the latest shenanigans. She said with a baffled look “Everything you are telling me is all about him. I don’t understand why he’s not putting the kids first.” I just looked at her. How does one explain the complete lack of care for other people? Yes, it is in fact all about him.

  • Chumps: Never write anything you wouldn’t want read out in court. Because it probably would be.

    Cheaters: You are a disgusting imitation of a human being. We are all currently sticking pins in a voodoo doll of you. Does that hurt? It might be the pins or it might be the STD in your radioactive waste nether regions.

    • It was hilarious (not in the moment, but later) how FW would express himself in his texts when he got angry. Normally he was very calculating, but if he got upset enough, he would start ranting and raving via text and say things he later came to regret. He begged me (ordered me, threatened me) many times to delete his texts, but I never did. When it came time to file for divorce, I had 1700 pages of transcripts, with him admitting to violence against me, admitting to his alcoholism, admitting to his affair, admitting OW was unhinged, threats against me, etc. He would write in all caps with lots of misspellings and incorrect words (showing it was voice-to-text and he was screaming incomprehensibly). It was, in retrospect, great for me.

      • 1700!! Wow.

        My ex became unhinged via text, too. I was especially surprised when he wrote: “Is your lawyer going to ask me about ALL the other women?” He had been swearing up and down that there was only one woman (the AP, his twu luv). I wrote back: “Other women?” and then screenshot the entire thread and sent it to my lawyer. #almosttooeasy He tried to weasel out of it, but it was there in black and white.

        During this post D-Day shit show, I’ve learned not only that my ex is a man of low character but also that he’s really not that smart. And to think I used to feel somewhat intellectually inferior to him.🤦🏻‍♀️

        • I love this! “Is your lawyer going to ask me about ALL the other women?” She is now!

  • Dear FW,

    If you’re on here, be sure to read about how you’re a LOSER

    And let AP know that I’m thankful every day that she’s stuck with you now LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    hasta pasta,

    (he’s not btw. FW has no knowledge of this site and even if he did, he wouldn’t bother to read it)

    • Oh yeah, I’m so thankful his little whore is stuck with him now. In other news, I didn’t realize that if you have a business facebook page, the people you blocked on your personal page are not blocked on your business page. So little whore popped up as people you may know for me.

      She has gained about 50 pounds and aged more than 10 years since she “won” him full time. Maybe it’s not nice to laugh at that but I sure did. It was a shock at first and then I looked at her face and cracked the hell up. I used to say that she looked like my uglier sister, now she looks like my older uglier sister. LMAO.

    • A fun and cathartic Friday Challenge, while indulgent and not strictly in keeping with the spirit of Meh, would be to write what you wish you could communicate to your (hopefully ex) FW. We trust they suck and know cheaters are incapable of truly understanding/comprehending reality and morality. “If it feels good, don’t do it” is our gospel. But this is a safe space, and I’m guessing most of us fantasize in some way about it…

  • I put a copy of your book on my bookshelf in plain sight. I never mentioned it, nor the website…but I am pretty sure he saw the book. Hope it made his ears burn.

  • I was one of the stupid ones who verbally shared the name of this website with ex. Luckily for me he couldn’t be bothered to go check it out. I doubt he even remembered the name beyond a few seconds his head was so far up Schmoopie’s behind. Even if he had checked it out, I doubt he would have recognized me despite the details I included in my posts because he wouldn’t have recognized himself. He believed he treated me very well after DDay after all and I should have been grateful. I will admit, he wasn’t as bad as some (gave me a good financial settlement and still spends some time with the kids) but I have also read Chump Lady’s posts about Bitch Cookies.

    • That is absolutely a bitch cookie. He spends time with his own kids! The bar is SO effing low.

  • Thank goodness I was already NC by the time I discovered CL–although I wish I had found this site much sooner!

    Anyway, I was shocked when Asshat tried to follow me on Twitter awhile back. It was disturbing to think he had been actively looking for me on-line as I did not have a Twitter account when we were together and I still do not have facebook. God knows what else he searched for. Needless to say, that was the end of my Tweeting. After the initial shock wore off, I realized he didn’t change for Schmoopie.

    Everything CL says is true and accurate. If you are new here, take that to heart and do not listen to your FW!

    • Good advice Ginger. That was one of the things that kept me stuck for way too long – I was trying to work with him and, unconsciously, making a ton of excuses for him. “So glad he takes the kids” I thought but spackled over the fact he didn’t take them if their homework wasn’t done or they had any hint of illness, he cancelled at the last minute a lot and often wouldn’t commit until the last minute. He bitterly resented “the schedule” and would actively try to keep them as long as he saw fit without communicating or change it at random – it felt it was a general guideline rather than an actual commitment. All the while I was foolish enough to be glad he didn’t abandon them like his father had, twist myself into a pretzel trying to accommodate his whims and not treat him as the enemy he was. I didn’t get the rules of FW games and was trying to be a good co-parent. See the FW as the opponent from the get go – if it works out better, you can always adjust but what I did was just fodder for how far he could push it. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it and it’s been over a decade.
      Please, any newbies, take CL’s advice in everything. Leave a cheater (especially in your mind and heart).

      • The minute I learned about “parallel parenting”, it was a light bulb moment. There is no “co-parenting” with these FWs. So, I will look out for my children’s best interest and Asshat will continue to look out for his. The kids know I have their backs and will always be in their corner.

      • Omg Fern. I’m so sorry. We already have a schedule that’s governed by FW’s ever-changing all-important activities (seriously every month different), and he still managed to get my chumpy self to give him my birthday weekend at the last minute, for which I had a family trip planned. Then whatever he wanted to do with the kids was cancelled (not his fault, someone died ☹️) and instead of giving my birthday weekend back he TOOK THE KIDS TO THE FUNERAL. Learned my lesson there.

      • “So glad he takes the kids” is bitch cookie central. He is their father. It is the very, very, very least he can do.

  • I doubt “my” Mr. Sparkles ever found this site, what with all his spare time still being spent on Ashley Madison, Adult Friend Finder, Craigslist, Tinder… heck, probably even Grindr.

    BUT – if you are here, these are my words to you…

    Going no contact was hard… in the beginning… now, it’s second nature. #silentsince2016
    I know you didn’t like parenting software… sorry not sorry.
    Our son is an amazing young man… you’re welcome. #saneparent
    My cheater free life hasn’t always been easy… but I’ll take the stamps in my passport over excuses for why you’re leaving a family vacation early any day of the week.
    True, you’ve remarried because you found your twu luv (#4)… good thing she hasn’t seen your most recent AFF personal ad. #happyendings
    Keep paying the child support on time and contribute appropriately for college (as agreed in the divorce)… and we’ll continue to get along just fine (and no contact)… I don’t think you want to meet me in court again #underestimatemethatwillbefun
    As Ferris Bueller said, “You’re still here? It’s over! Go home! Go.”

  • Would love to know whose FW tried to use a post (or comment) from here in court. Did they subpoena Chump Lady for emails and/or IPs? L-O-L.

  • Cheaty McLiarface snooped my search history and found CL/CN. He was indignant! Where was the archive where the betrayed recognized their responsibility in the marital breakdown that led to the affair?!
    CL/CN saved my sanity, gave me clarity, and set me on the path to regaining my life. And I am grateful.

  • Strangely, FW was the one who shared this website with me. Wondering if it was some kind of false flag tactic, but it doesn’t matter — this ended up being the no-nonsense push I needed to get up and out.

    • It doesn’t matter, but I’m guessing in his mind, he was SO much better than those OTHER cheaters who do (things worse than he did), and when you read the site you would think “Gosh, I guess what FW did wasn’t so bad” and forgive him.

  • I had an abusive boyfriend follow me in here some years back. He even joined the conversation to defend himself … pretending to be a fellow chump who strangely had a ton of empathy for the abuser being discussed! He came up with the name “ManHater” … ha ha. I quit posting quickly and learned a lesson. Him? He got cancer and is dead as a door nail. Do I sound sad? Snort.

  • If you are a lurking cheater, please understand that we know you are cowards. Too weak and sniveling to tell anyone who you really are, and too lazy to do the self-work required to be a good man. You harm the family you are supposed to love and protect, and make miserable the life of anyone who tried to love you. It would have been beter for you to never have been born. Your family regrets that you were in their life, and at the end of your life you will be chunked in the grave like the trash you are, unloved, unhonored and unmourned.

  • Dear Fuckwits,

    Whatever you do, stay away from peer-reviewed social science. Don’t search things like “mate poacher + dark triad” or “mate poacher + psychopathy” or “infidelity + dark triad” or “dark triad + promiscuity + sexual disgust” on the web. If you do you will discover a few of the reasons your chump never cheated on you in kind and– bubble bursting alert– it has nothing to do with your irreplaceable fabulousness or your chumps’ lack of opportunity. It all boils down to gag reflex. Even if your chump could magically suspend character long enough to follow through with such a thing, they still wouldn’t be able to stomach it because married status is a perfect reverse filter for sick twists who are more likely to 1) carry STDs; 2) commit crimes; 3) abuse children; 4) have serial dysfunctional relationships; 5) engage in compulsive behaviors (disordered spending, disordered eating, substance abuse, gambling, risky sexual behaviors); 6) have poor long term health outcomes and several other statistical correlations that would be off-putting even in terms of a short term bang-fest. Basically the presence of a ring attracts only the sketchiest specimens and this is where chumps’ lack of “dark triad” traits inhibit chumps’ capacity to even engage in “exit affairs”– because individuals who are high in dark triad traits have been consistently found to have reduced “sexual disgust”– meaning they don’t need to guzzle Maalox to tolerate intimate contact with the nauseating types who’d agree to bonk a nauseating still-married person in the first place.

    But, shhhh, never mind all that because crappy affair partners are very handy as “cheater removers” which liberate chumps from the “dark triad” circus.

  • Here’s all I have for anybody who is enough of a loser to be stalking a chump on here; 😴
    You, Sir/Madame, are a predictable, crashing bore. Go do something more productive, like organizing your porn downloads into categories or something.

  • To eX,

    You chose what is evil. I choose what is good (me). You lost what is good (me)! Enjoy your furtive orgasms.


  • It really is a futile Chump move to share this site. As Tracy said these Cheaters just get ammo and learn nothing. Yes Tracy, like teaching Swahili to a pet🪨. Don’t do it, this is all ours. I know how we chumps underlined self help books, left “how to stop cheating books” around the house, ____underlined!___. Gave book from Focus on the Family and Bible verses to bolsters the conscience. Folks, there is no conscience to bolster and guilt is non existent. Their sensitive conscience has been take over by OW,Porn, all the Cheater websites and all who give them centrality. So they are inoculated against your pain. They can only feel their pain. Yes they will go underground and can pretend love for years and years. Tracy has sounded that alarm. There is NO CURE for this kind of selfishness or self absorption. My XH faked love and caring for 15 years while doing porn emotional affairs and then strange ladies. All the while we went to B&BS traveled, entertained and raised kids. He acted pretty OK until the last 3 years and then started the devaluing me. It was a nightmare. I am one month divorced and I am free from my STI of 2 years and all the horrible hurtful games. This site will only help your cheater
    Go underground and get sneaker. It will not help him/ her. Go fly and be free.

  • Here is a useful line from a song called “The Gambler:” “Know when to walk away, know when to run!” Use that advice whenever you want to talk to someone you don’t know well about experiences with the EX.

    I had to be careful not to share information with my children I did not want their dad to know. He always asked questions about things that were no longer his business. He was not worried about my children being cared for. He was just nosy. If the kids, or mutual friends or acquaintances don’t know, they cannot tell.

    Possible lawsuits aside, these folks do not have the right to know how you are doing, or even how they hurt you. It’s not like they will change for the better. It is stupid for a cheater to visit this site. I’ve never understood why the OW would try to justify her case to Tracy! You cannot change the past, and they will never be honest, even with themselves.

    Just be careful with any information about your personal life. You never know who may be listening or stalking you. I’d rather be accused of being paranoid than becoming a statistic for a criminal investigation. When people ask me nosy questions I often reply, “Why on earth would you ask a personal question like that? Why do you feel entitled to know anything about me?”

    Usually, it works. Sometimes, they have the good sense to be embarrassed at their own rudeness. At worst, they just think I am a touchy bitch. I can live with that!

    • My favorite response to Nosy Parkers/Buttinskis is “If that were any of your business, you would already know the answer to that question”

  • Dear Fuckwits (you know who you are),
    You are not special. You are not unique. You are just like all the other Fuckwits discussed here. In fact, all the chumps now recognize what is written in your handbook that you seem to go by. Very unoriginal. You are not special and you are not central, there are millions like you both male and female. You no longer have power or control over your chump.

    Hate to Burst Your Bubble,
    The Chumps of Chump Nation led by
    The Chump Lady

  • My ex-husband is too scared (being a timid forest creature & all) of possibly facing that he is indeed a fuckwit to post here…but I have wondered if the OW has posted here, just recently when a similarity to her name popped up. She has stalked me outside of my home (yes I can see you hiding in your car, even your new one) so it wouldn’t surprise me. I had referred to Chump Lady before blocking my then-husband & chances are he let her see it. If you’re here, Schmoopie, I know that you’re a very insecure person & need to get a life…beyond gloating about your superficial life with a fuckwit. Any of us who has any brains can see right through you. I’d wish you luck on marriage #3, but, meh, I could care less about either of you. Anywho…. I’m hoping it’s a coincidence, but I’m always careful about details, just in case.

    • I post less now, partly because my story has some very specific details where FW would know it was me in the blink of an eye. I don’t want him coming over here and I certainly wouldn’t want the hell he would put me through if he found what I say about him (all the truth but that wouldn’t matter to him would it)!

      • Attie- I do continue to post, but sometimes worry that if he ever found me, it could get ugly. I am very blunt about my feelings here, whereas with him, I filter them. I avoid giving away anything too easily identifiable as me. The irony is that they are all so unoriginal that there really isn’t anything in my story that is so much different from several other chumps. Many of my comments are versions of “mine did that too!” Part of the beauty of CN is that if a newbie shows up, they learn quickly that they are not alone and that their FW is not special, he/she is doing all the same things that the rest of us have already seen. That can be incredibly helpful in the early days when one’s head is swimming.

    • Wow, A lot of chumps have APs stalking them. I find that odd. I understand why they might be a little curious about the chump. Just like a lot of chumps are curious about the AP. But when they start parking outside your house, or showing up at your sports events (another chump mentioned that once) it seems SO bizarre. I have been curious about the AP, but I limited my nosing around to anonymous internet searches. I would never want to reach out in a way that she would be aware of. (I tried to discourage myself from doing it at all, but curiousity got the better of me)

  • I don’t think my ex is still following me around the internet, but in case he is:
    Every time you blamed me for the Craigslist hookups I used your toothbrush to clean the landing pad in the toilet. Couldn’t help myself. If you’d been a better husband I’d never have considered it.

    Swish swish muther fluffer.

  • Love it. Not sure that I’ve seen this one before. I’m never sharing LACGAL w/the FW XW, that’s for sure, or this blog. This is a sanctuary. I would not want to violate that. Peace, everybody.😊

  • I shared my betrayal blog on here and i think AP#2, noe fincee, bow boss seen it as that were things that she quoted in an email (i always email him, her and his mother to remove any triangulation or ‘he said, she saids’ and to keep them both in the loop of how he still owes me thousands of pounds and hasn’t paid child maintenance for 2 years) that she could only have read from my blog and my only link to it was on here.
    Oh well, happy reading!

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